16 June 2011 ~ 16 Comments

What to Say During Initial Contact With Your Ex

This video will help you learn the proper things/topic to tell your ex during your first initial contact after going on NC (no contact)

16 Responses to “What to Say During Initial Contact With Your Ex”

  1. Pratyush 24 June 2011 at 8:07 pm Permalink

    hey ashley…
    iv started NO CONTACT and so far its been goin as xpected
    but now she is gttng frutstratd y the hel i m not picking up my phn and nt replying to hr msgs
    what to do now to calm hr??

  2. Pratyush 25 June 2011 at 8:55 pm Permalink

    but she is starting to feel that i m ignoring hr n shez asking me ths nw wether i m doing ths or not
    what shud i tell her???

  3. Sikx 29 July 2011 at 7:21 pm Permalink

    She is NOT contacting me. She changed her number and I changed my number. I did go over there and made the mistakes that People shouldnt. Now we have broke up several times before and it is usually because of some made up scenario in her head and she runs away without allowing us to have a chance to communicate the truth. She never believes me, she always says I am hiding shit and that I have this double life and that I am a cheater, and game player, etc, etc. I have never cheated on her and actually she is the one that has been caught cheating. Anyway, a couple of break ups ago she accused me of having a girl with me at my cousins were I was staying. I told to come over and see, but she NEVER seems to want to find out the truth she just wants to believe what she thinks. But this time she does come over and I NEVER expected it because it never happened b4. So when I hear someone knocking I just sit there because I thought it’s not for me. My cousin comes down and answer the door and it is her and her mother. She is freaking out and yelling in the street and I went over and tried to tell her why I didn’t answer but I was lying and up to no good… I told her to come in and see for her self and she wouldn’t come in so I closed the door and said she is NOT going to cause a scene here because it is NOT my house. When she leaves she jumps on my Tahoe and kicks out the front windshield. I have dealt with her hot temper and B.S. like this for a long time. So long story short because I told her I had made a report with Police if she doesn’t pay for windshield..She waits a couple days invites me over to her moms and she starts a fight with me and we wrestle around and she runs to neighbors and they call cops. Next thing I know I am served with Protective Order and CONTACT IS done. Few months pass and she comes back to me and She is living with me after giving it a shot with her exboyfriend, who set her up and had her parental rights taken away. He also cheated and lied to her all the time. When she came back she said that she tried and she knows that it wouldn’t work and that she doesn’t love him, never will, and she did it because she wanted to try for the kids. She says that she would NEVER go back to him again. I was getting rides from her to work because I just totaled my Tahoe but she still has the Protective order and says she is too busy to go get it lifted. One morning going to work we get pulled over for speeding and I get arrested for the violation of the order and catch a possession charge for weed in her glove box. She bails me out and the financial burden grows. She says she feels bad and will NOT leave me no matter what at a time like this. A couple weeks go by and we have an argument about an issue that happens lot….She accuses me of cheating and lying and that wasn’t true. She packs her stuff and leaves and week later changes her number and wont talk to me…I change my number as well thinking that might get her to contact me..I go over a couple times and try to reason with her and she says she is with him again and that she tells me she loves him and that they say it to each other and she don’t love me (when I was the love of her life & will always have her heart until this last fight) and that it is going to work this time.. Now this whole time she keeps giving subtle misleading signs, and actions that say she is just pushing away. It’s been 2 months and Nothing and I just want to know ……..IS IT OVER? Can I get her back.? And can she really love a man who stripped her of her parental rights, lied, and cheated on her? Knowing that I have not done any of those things…. Or is it pushing away due to finances…..?

  4. Ger Her Back Guru 10 August 2011 at 3:10 am Permalink

    The No-Contact Rule rules! But for it to work you really have to go about it the right way. @ Pratyush, if she has been contacting you and asking why you haven’t been in touch with her, that can only mean one thing – the NC rule is working and you are well on your way to getting her back! So relax, play the game a little longer, it might be pretty soon now that she will be the one begging you to get back with her.

    • carol 8 September 2011 at 6:40 am Permalink

      my ex wrote me last week after he hadnt seen me for mroe than 2 weeks and had nto hurt from me in 10 days sicne i stopped the contact, we ran into a party and he told me he was dying to be with me .. then he said he was sorry for not been here for me before and that i cant talk to him anytime…we broke up he wssnt my official bf but we had a relationship going… dating u can call it for months.. yesterday i saw hima nd i couldnt resist and after some drinks we had sex..i was been good non flirt very hard to get, so was i last weekend when i saw him.. i told him it was not my itnention of that to happened and i didnt want him to get the wrong impression, he said he would never do.. now what, i want to get him back…i was thinking going NC again for something harder this time…

  5. Jules 29 August 2011 at 3:14 am Permalink


    My ex and I broke up 3 months ago. I stuck to NC for 6 weeks and he texted me that he was sorry for not being in touch and that we needed to talk. I suspect he wanted to talk to absolve himself of guilt for breaking up with me and refusing to talk after the break up. It is also because he likes one of our mutual friends and was posting love songs on his FB page after we broke up (so they weren’t for me), so I think he wanted to get rid of his guilt for that too, or just to see how I am, that I had moved on.

    I ended up showing up at his house 2 days later at 2am, drunk and emotional. We had sex. I woke up the next day and left. I called him the next day and we spoke very briefly and it was very awkward. He texted me a few days later that we still need to talk, and I haven’t responded.

    I know I need to contact him again, either to re-establish NC or to re-establish our bond. I know that night decreased my value in his eyes and decreased his guilt for breaking up. It was a huge mistake.

    I want to text him after saying “I know that night didn’t make a lot of sense and I need to move on. Please do not contact me” but it has been a month and won’t really make sense now. It might make me look insane and push him even farther away. Yet I want to write some NC message to start my healing again and so he knows I am moving on.

    What are some other ideas for a good “next move”? Am I now at the “me initiating first contact” point where I casually contact him again? And if so, what should I say?

    I really lost my power by that night of going to his house. I rewarded his poor behaviour (breaking up with me). I need closure and to regain my self-respect but I also want him back.

    Any ideas on what I should do? Thanks!!

  6. R 27 October 2011 at 9:53 am Permalink

    My ex sought 4 another guy & she informed me abt the man.have pleaded to her but no positive results am getting.pliz help 4 i luved her very much even she confesses to me.

  7. M.Ota 28 October 2011 at 2:30 pm Permalink

    My ex emailed me the other day, after I followed your free advice which Ive recieved via email (Ive recently been laid off and am out of work). He said that the best part of our relationship was my smile and that is what he will think of when people ask him what I was like. I responded with this: Not trying to be hateful nor hurtful. You stated you wanted me to move on and forget that I even knew you. I’m doing that. That’s it. I hit send and waited. Suddenly he sends me an invitation to be friends on Orkut. 😀 However I will continue with the touch n go friendship for now. I will sometimes make myself available for him. But occasionally I will be out or unavailable….thank you so much for your advice. So far, it’s working. I, too, was hurt by the breakup which was actually caused by something a 3rd party did: posting untruths about my now ex on an ex report website not to mention this person put my now ex’s full legal name, his location and associated internet ID’s. I have recently involved myself with a new hobby and with my courses coming up at the local college, I don’t think I will have any trouble getting him to pursue me!

  8. jack 21 November 2011 at 2:04 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley…
    I’m looking for some advice… Me and my girlfriend broke up 3 months ago and havent had that much contact until recently… We have been out on a night out and was just like old times but just dont know what to do from here… ?

  9. AB 12 December 2011 at 4:43 am Permalink

    My ex broke up with me three days ago. Im so.hurt, and.it came out of nowhere. We argued.often and the last one pushed.him over the edge and.he gave up.he.said. He kept saying that he loves me ans wants.to be with me but he thinks.it wont.work. Is it.done forever? Im a wreck. I nvr lied, or cheated and thinga were getting betted before.the breakup. Also, I asked if we can try in a few weeks again..he said ”idk”, and proceeds to say he needs space. I love him alot and know hes the one. Someone help!

    • Brianna 6 January 2012 at 10:00 am Permalink

      Honey, first do not talk to him. Or your screwed. Letting him know that you need him and want him is just pushing him farther back. Just let him be for now. He’ll realize you havent talked to him and he’ll hate it.

  10. christine 12 December 2011 at 7:00 pm Permalink

    This is exactly like my relationship. We broke up a week ago. You’re not going to feel instantly better. It’s okay to be sad for the first couple of days after a breakup. My mom always says “let a bird fly away, if its meant to be it will come back” that’s how I feel about a relationship. If he loves you he’s going to take that time and then he will end up missing you like crazy and then come back.

  11. michelle 3 January 2012 at 11:44 am Permalink

    okay, my ex came back after 3 years, it was too much too soon for an entire month, that i agree with, but it was phenomenal for both of us, but on xmas eve when he slept over and helped wrap our kids gifts he was crying over the person who dumped him 3 months ago and said he needs more time that for now we should just be friends, argh, i hate no contact, have a hard time doing it, i fear he may find a way to go back to his other more recent ex. but we have been having fun and going out as friends. if he is only cooling things off because he knows he has to get over his depression from other break up does this method still apply? and we have kids together.

  12. scot 5 January 2012 at 4:23 pm Permalink

    hey have found your site very interesting and after a recent breakup have been using the no contact rule. i am now getting a few text messages from the ex about fairly normal things we used to talk about on a daily basis. how would you suggest i respond to these texts, if at all?

  13. michelle 10 January 2012 at 1:22 pm Permalink

    me too i have been getting 2 phone calls a day, one on my cell one on my landline but no message left and i dont pick up cuz i dont know what to say. dont wanna blow it. n/c for a one week going strong and ymca work out at least once a day. give us the right words !!! :)

  14. Jen 18 January 2012 at 7:18 am Permalink

    I sent him a short email last thursday asking about our daughters insurance & he never answered. Its tuesday & i just sent my husband and I just sent him another email saying hi & that I’m excited about a few things going on in my life which I’m happy that maybe sometime I’ll tell him about it. Then I talked about our 3 yr old daughter. He receives my mail at his apt & the renewal of our daughters health insurance camed in dec so I told him the importance if filling out those papers 2 please send it 2 me. But he hasn’t answered. It’s like he’s mad I’m moving on w/my life when he was the one who cheated & is still w/the other girl. But either way our daughter shouldnt pay for our problems. And not even problems cause I just want 2 move on. I forgave him & I’ve accepted he’s happy w/some1 else but I don’t understand why he’s acting like this cause like it or not we have a daughter & if we are gonna be co-parenting he should at least talk 2 me about important stuff regarding our daughter. I haven’t even mention our problem or if I love him or not. I don’t understand

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