21 March 2012 ~ 7 Comments

What Do You Regret?

Ashley here!

Have you ever regretted saying to your ex?

Here’s a recent email I got from Amy:

Hi Ashley, I don’t know if you got my last email but Ive told my ex I’m moving on (when I’m not) to try and make him want me back and so far it’s been 6 days and he hasn’t contacted me. I’m waiting until the 29th march then I’ll send him the letter which your websites have helped to to prepare.
I don’t know how to get him to want me back because he’s acting like he doesn’t care anymore, please help me x
Amy R

It’s almost never a good idea to tell your ex one thing, when you really want the complete opposite to happen. You will almost always come out LOSING something.

Here’s a typical scenario:

Jane is upset with John because he has been pulling love away from her. So she gets angry and let a few “threatening” words leek out like:

  • We should just break up.
  • I don’t want to be with you.
  • I’d be happier without you.
  • Maybe you should find someone else.

When REALLY what she wants is for him to love her and no one else. Does this sound familiar?

Women, do NOT do this!

This will not have the desired effect you’re after.

Actually what John will be thinking is:

  • She doesn’t love me because she wants to end it right here.
  • She doesn’t care or else she wouldn’t be saying these things.
  • She is unhappy, therefore I’ve failed as a man.

And instead of wanting to try harder, he will instead withdraw more because he feels she doesn’t care about him.

So Amy, if you want your man back, first of all, make sure what you say, do and want are congruent!

Nothing is more frustrating than someone whose actions don’t line up with their words!

This isn’t about being desperate, needy and begging your ex back, it’s about being true to your real feelings and wants, and just delivering those messages in a mature and calm manner.

If you love him, tell him you love him and you want things to be worked out between the two of you. But of course, he will ALSO need to do some work too! You can’t love enough for the both of you.

I would send an apology letter to tell your true feelings. And then don’t expect a response back. He needs time to sort things out on his own.

Men need to go “hide” and recoup when their ego and self-esteem is low. Give him the space to be more confident and strong again and when HE is ready, he will make contact.

Good luck!

Be Strong.

Ashley

P.S.

Do you know the cause of your break up?

I asked this question on Facebook, if you have a spare few minutes, let me know what you think caused your break up?

http://www.facebook.com/AshleyK.Advice

7 Responses to “What Do You Regret?”

  1. Elise 19 April 2012 at 9:32 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley,
    I was just wondering if there was any way for me to email you some of my questions because I can’t seem to find your email anywhere on this site.
    It would be great if you could get back to me as soon as possible because I have several urgent questions. Thanks! I really appreciate it

  2. Elise 20 April 2012 at 9:45 am Permalink

    Thank you Ashley :)
    I sent my email; hope you got it!

  3. Elise 20 April 2012 at 10:05 am Permalink

    I posted this comment before, but I just thought I’d post it again….sorry if it’s annoying >.<

    Hi Ashley,

    So my bf broke up with me because I was “a robot with no emotions” and is currently interested in another girl. This interest started when we were still together so I don’t know if it’s classified as a “rebound relationship.” They talk a lot on Facebook, while he and I don’t even acknowledge each other’s presence. Please help me; I don’t know what to do! I feel that if I continue no contact, he’ll forget about me completely and move onto this other girl. Also, won't ignoring him just convince him that I really don't have any emotions, and that I just don't care? When I talked to one of his friends who also happens to be my friend, the friend said that my ex just “didn’t care” if I talked to him or not, and just didn’t care about me at all…The friend wasn’t trying to be mean or anything; he was just telling me the truth. I really don’t know what to do. Please help me!

  4. Elise 23 April 2012 at 6:50 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    I was just wondering if there was a way to purchase the Ex Recovery System someplace other than online (for example, Barnes and Noble). I don’t have a credit card, so buying online is not an option for me. If it were possible to buy the entire program at a bookstore, however, I would definitely buy it! Please get back to me asap so I can start soon! Thanks

  5. Deb 10 March 2014 at 1:10 pm Permalink

    Ugh.
    My GF broke up w me and I did ALL the classic no-no’s: Was romantic w her in the beginning, then got LAZY, corrected her grammar while we were dating… Post-breakup: Tried to stay friends, pretended I was OK w her new relationship, … UGH. Went into complete, painful withdrawal, then texted her too much after breakup (not begging, but obviously in need of contact w her)… NOW she texted back she’s engaged n they’re looking for a house… UGH.
    I feel like such a weak IDIOT.


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