16 August 2010 ~ 42 Comments

This Is Pushing Him Away – Steps to Get Him Back When It Seems Hopeless

Did your man leave?

Find out in this video:

  • What makes a man leave (and why men are actually very simple)
  • What men want in a relationship (secrets revealed!)
  • Why you may be pushing your man away without you knowing (are you doing this now?)
  • The beginning steps to get him back even if your situation seems hopeless

Let me know what you think :)

I posted this on youtube a while ago but didn’t realize it wasn’t on my blog.

For the whole plan to getting your man back (or your woman), click here.

42 Responses to “This Is Pushing Him Away – Steps to Get Him Back When It Seems Hopeless”

  1. Shirley 19 August 2010 at 12:19 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    I would like to say thank you for your video and tips on how to get him back. I definitely find they are very helpful.

    I look forward to more of your video or books. I haven’t got a chance to get your ebook (might do so in the future).


  2. janet 3 September 2010 at 6:06 pm Permalink

    hey there ashley
    i enjoyed your video i thought it was helpful and i believe every singleword.
    But i also have few concerns cause my issue has more to it and i know the resasons why he left .where can i message u for privacy if possible?

    • Dolores Garcia 8 March 2014 at 2:14 pm Permalink

      It’s been over 2 months. After I begged and texted and emailed now and then he sent me an email saying he felt I had too busy a life and not enough time for him. He said 3 to 4 days a week wasn’t what he is looking for. Now he sporadically includes my email address in the string of jokes he sends out to people. How can I get him to call and ask me out even for a casual date?

  3. Rachel 12 September 2010 at 12:32 pm Permalink

    You’re great! Everything you say is true and I’m going to try everything you’ve said because I want my man back!

  4. Lynda 12 September 2010 at 3:52 pm Permalink

    I find your tapes very enlightening however I am an older woman my relationship broke down after 18 years and he got another woman into his life immediately after our breakup she has been with him 24 7 never leaves only to go to work it’s been a year I still love him dearly Any advise would be appreciated Is it hopeless

    • Stacey Geldart 23 September 2010 at 11:49 am Permalink

      Hang in there! Same thing happened to me and I was devestated. Please don’t contact him, the worst thing you can do. Pretend you love life without him. He will be back only if you never ever contact him. I was given that advice and didn’t listen, if you don’t listen it only gets worse. Please pretend you never even knew him and I guarantee it will work out for you. My thoughts are with you – stay strong no matter what it takes.

    • maggie 25 June 2012 at 8:52 am Permalink

      Can your program work for any situation?
      Even long distance?

  5. jessica 20 September 2010 at 6:42 pm Permalink

    you really help a lott! thank you so much !

  6. jada 23 September 2010 at 5:05 am Permalink

    Hi ashley, your information is very helpful,however my ex says he doesn’t want to comitt to anyone, I know he loves and misses me should I leave this alone if there’s no chance for a relationship I absolutely donot want to be friends with benefits we did that for four yrs…please help if u can

  7. loubier 23 September 2010 at 10:14 am Permalink

    we were together for 17 years; we have 2 teenagers. last year he did stupid things with his money (I still don’t know what , but he spent it all) he lost his job and wasn’t bothered to get one. I got very upset …and kicked him out. I know it wasn;t the right thing to do but that is how it happened.
    We got back together for about 6 months and this time he broke it off, saying I was bossy and controlling. Which is true, I realize noe the effects of my behavior.
    I love this man: he got a job and his own appartment. he is not seeing anyone. We did not split up because we didn;t love each other – it just got to difficult for him to handle. He knows how I feel about him. When we see each other I am always cheerful and stay in the present.
    We have been apart for 3 months now. Is it too long? Is there a chance he will make his move? Anything I could do?

  8. Angie 24 September 2010 at 11:01 am Permalink

    It’s been a good year, since he cheated on me with another woman. I was 5 mths pregnant and he is still with her, even though he does come around once a while. Im still in love with him and it hurts to see him, plus he also got the other female pregnant 4 mths after I moved out. . He constanly calls and pleads for me not to give up on him, but i dont see how or what to do no more. Can u give me any advice, confused and hearbroken.

    • Kim 17 October 2010 at 5:58 am Permalink

      WoooooW Angie – How could you not give up on him? You SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Deserve Better, I don’t even know you but I definitely think you could find someone that will love you more than he loves himself!! Believe me I understand how much you love this guy but I believe that once a cheater always a cheater and it is so much easier to do it a second time ….maybe let some time go by and heal yourself (I know alot easier said than done) but again you DESERVE so much Better in life and he needs to fix him not you. Maybe ask him to go to counseling with you – Hold your head high – not sure if you have had the baby – but you have so much happiness coming into your life and enjoy her/him and love you again!!!

  9. shannon 28 September 2010 at 12:04 am Permalink


    Me and my boyfriend of 5 years broke up, 11 months ago. I still love him alot, and every month or two I cantact him, we meet shortly (he’s happy to see me ), we catch up, and then I don’t hear from him until the next time I call him a month or two later ( I just can’t help it).

    Nothing drastic happened when we broke up.. It was both our first serious relationship. He says he misses me but wants to date other people ( and he is dating girls for short periods of time). But I know he loves me.

    I try the “no contact rule” for two months maximum, and then I can’t hold it so I call. It’s been like that for 6 moths out of 11 monthsw breakup. It’s hard for me to even try dating others because I love him. I feel totally stuck. I am 28 years old, by the way.

    What should I do now? I would love to hear your advice!

  10. destiny 2 October 2010 at 9:39 am Permalink

    hi ashley

    Your videos are great but i still find my self lost my boyfriend broke up with me 6 weeks ago he thinks that i had cheated on him but i hadnt an it just doesnt make any sense why he would think that. we have broken up before a few times over trust issues and last year i ound out that he had cheated on me with another woman for 4 months and i took him back. i want him back so badly but nothing seems to work. i have written him a letter stating that i agree with the break up and that i hope we can be friends in the future but still nothing

  11. Kaja 8 October 2010 at 12:10 am Permalink

    Dear Ashley,
    Im 36yo woman just after break up. We’ve been 6 years together. We lived together and our relationship was like a tornado – we argue but we also love eachother. Last year he proposed. Few months later he break up and moved out. He came back after 2 months. This year just two weeks ago he told me he has someone else. Since month… I was dewastated. He do exactly what you said – they both a telling how much they love each other, he is telling how happy he is with her etc. We dont live together. I’ve done those mistakes – I called him, I went to his house, I tried to contact this other woman, and I gave up… then I found your website as I was close to finish my life. I dont know if he will ever come back. My thoughts are very negative… He changed his phone number, he removed me from Facebook. Moving on – is not best advice for me, but I try. What else I can do?

  12. Kim 17 October 2010 at 6:46 am Permalink

    HI Ashley and Girls – I have and still doing everything you said – my situation: I am in nursing school and quit my job to change careers which was agreed b/w the 2 of us. We have been together for 7 yrs and had 6 WONDERFUL years and when I started school, it went down hill (started arguing about NOTHING) but I thought we could make it but I couldn’t take it (lots of resentment built up) any longer. So one blow night I blow up; several weeks pasted then told him I wanted to work on the relationship; he said NO for the same reasons every man gives – BUT we are under the same roof (separtate bedrooms) and just refinanced the house, I think he is my true love but would your true love not want to work on the relationship? Our relationship was so natural and easy, we never had to work on it and when we did neither one of us knew how!!! I have never been so heartbroken!!!

  13. Scarlett 1 November 2010 at 9:09 am Permalink

    Hi My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me About 2weeks ago. he said i have an atittude & he didnt like my inscurities twds him . we agreed to be friends but then out of no where he called me a fake . i still love him & he said he liked me still but the way iam made his feelings change . & now he says he regrets even being with me . what should ido ? help me plz! I miss him very much & i love him & i know ica get him back i just dont know how . ://

  14. lady 20 November 2010 at 7:26 pm Permalink

    hi Ashley! I’l try my best not to contact him…but is there a possiblity for me to win him back coz’ we are miles away from each other? the only way is through internet but the big problem is he turned off his yahoo messenger( dont know if he opened a new acct..), and he blocked me and my friends in his facebook already. I really hope i still have a big chance to win him back..and if that will happen,I’m goin to take care of our relationship well….I’l be the happiest person on earth if he give me another chance…

  15. April 29 November 2010 at 4:58 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley, does your book works on people who are going through separation and getting a divorce????? please give me an answer, thank you.

  16. Tylor 8 December 2010 at 11:53 am Permalink

    All right heres some advice for ladies trying to get their gentlemen back,

    The trick to it all is patients,

    -call your man during the day b/c at night there busy and tired! last thing they wanna hear is their ex calling them before bed.

    -When you go to hang out with you ex act like you dgaf and just be you!

  17. Jada 17 December 2010 at 1:22 pm Permalink

    Hi ashley,
    My bf and i were dating long distance for over a yr but were seeing each other months before we became official and he also had another gf of 3 yrs. when his other gf and i spoke to find things out just 2 wks ago, ive never heard from him ever. His other gf claims to take him bk. Ive left my num with his mother. He’s a soldier too so always busy. She lives in the same city as him and i dont. I have a similar story with ‘lady’ above. Its been 3 wks now so im not sure where to go from here..

    May i just add that if it ever came down to looks, shes average, and im a very attractive person too.

  18. vivian 10 January 2011 at 9:07 am Permalink

    i did all of those things i didnt noticed that i was doing them until right now i broke up with him because i wanted him to show me he loved me but things went wrong and now after 3 years he said he didnt love me its been a month and he has talked to me but just as a friend. do i have any hope?

  19. carebear 26 January 2011 at 1:37 pm Permalink

    ok ashley
    its been 3 months since i have talked to my ex boyfriend and he has a new girlfriend and i love him sooo much and i really think he is the one for me. how can i get him back and yes i watched the video but im not sure still.

  20. cloie 8 February 2011 at 3:31 am Permalink

    hi there,

    it’s been a month that me and my boyfriend broke up. The reason of break up is that i have kids(from my past relationship) and my boyfriend is 2 yrs younger than me (and no package at all), and we are miles away from each other ( i just moved in to maldives recently). I love him so much and i know that he still love me and still care for me.. I want him back.. Is there any hope? Pls. i need an advice..

  21. kp 15 March 2011 at 10:08 am Permalink

    my situation : I met this guy online, we fell in love, he was with someone but wasnt happy, he moved 8,000 miles from his home to be with me. I was going through difficult times myself with my divorce, it got tense and he moved out within a few months from my home. We been on and off for a few years..he leaves? i beg him back, he dont come, and a week later he calls for an excuse to talk to me, then we back again for several months. I have recognised my faults here lately, after being hurt my men for 22 years or so, i been trying to back off my insecurities myself due to past hurts ive had that have scarred me a long time. As im changing, he gets more receptive to it, but i slip up and pressure him again , just a lil, feeling things are good? just need that security. well, he felt pressure and mistrust, based on me sharing my feelings and breaks up. The same hour he breaks up, he spends entire weekend with me as nothing happened besides title removed. Then he invites me to dinner 3 days later. The next nigt i took him out..all he said was i want you to be yourself and we see where it goes, i need space. I cant be just friends, i can, but would it be right down road? hed get used to it and thats all we’d be, OR i could read between lines, give him what he wants for now, prove ive changed, and we could fall back in…well, i text him im done, i cant do it. too hard cause im a fixer not a quitter. so he said harsh things, like he tried and he dont need me, he thought he did, but he dont..no friend no nothing. I left him be for a week or so, no contact. He text me at midnight happy birthday so he could be the first as always, then next day a text card how wonderful i was and he wish me peace and so on. After I was healing? he opened the wound, friends said e prolly wanted to see me, so i called him and invited him over to watch movie. I started good..but then i got emotional, cause there was physical contact, hugs, stuff of that nature. Then i backed off, and he was flirty in a way, i got emotional again, trying to hold myself together. he said right now he didnt want no relationship with noone..but? i told him id like to spend more time with him or call him more, he agrees..he sleeps over..affectionate as well..? he tells me he knows i love him, he knows how i feel, but he dont want a relationship with noone, he want me to be myself when we hang and not to talk about the end results. If i do this i could get him back, or if i do this he could have cake and eat it too. Why if he dont want me, he just move on and let me heal? why he come over after i been trying to heal all week..why he cook me dinner, get me a card…sleep in my bed? knowing how i feel? again he say he needed a break from me and my birthday was perfect timing to call..he had a decent time he said minus the emotional part. He just want to spend time with me minus that. I get it and i need to stop, but if i do this? and give him what he want, i just dont want him to accept this as just friends, although he say we need to start there. Im confused what to do without making wrong decision, cause hes not a player. Hes a good guy, but if he know how I feel, why sleep n my bed or let me hug on you? I wouldnt do that and never done that in my past, when i broke up, i never gave the guy mixed feeling, nor hung with them..i let them go, if they called i was polite, but never made effort to see them. sigh, dunno,,just torn really right now

  22. Taylor 9 May 2011 at 2:48 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    Im having problems with my boyfriend. He broke up with me last night after we got in a fight on friday. He changed his plans on me when we were suppose to hang out. He got mad and wouldnt talk to me. He called me later on that night and wanted to talk and i was at the movies with some friends and i accidently rejected his call and it made him even more mad and he wouldn talk to me. last night he decided he wanted to talk to me. We talked about everything, but he complains cause i never talk to him like about personal things..like everything. He just said hes tired of waiting. ive tried many times to talk to him…but theres never a right time or im too scared. weve broken up in the past.weve been together for a year now. but since hes used this excuse before..’u never talk to me about anything’….i think he will come back. thats what i hope. i love this guy very much. i want him back..any advice?

  23. He left me for her 8 August 2011 at 9:46 pm Permalink

    5 years married together
    I was not having sex with him because of all the fights and him not being the father to the girls that I wanted him to be. He would be so angry with me.
    I would kick him out after the huge fights. ( Learned from this mistake as well)
    I was more career and education minded and any free time that I had, went towards our daughters.
    Now he has found another woman and is fed up. He still comes around to be with the girls but does not want to be around me anymore. Its like he doesnt care.

    He told me that the other girl is there for him and that he is happy. Also he says that he is 50%/50% as to whether he will ever come back or just get a divorce because he sees no happy future between us.

    I begged him repeatedly to return. I cried and told him that I would never take him for granted again, but he didnt even care about my feelings and said that he is a changed person and cannot come back, at least not right now. He is thinking bout what he should do and can go in any direction.

    Me, I keep begging. Is there anything that I should do while he feels stuck between the decision he will take? Should I back off and let him keep spending time and loving her, while I wait to see if he will return. Im lost and confused. Again, Please HELP!!!

  24. Mariah 18 August 2011 at 11:51 pm Permalink

    hey, girlss!
    this really isnt about my ex but i meet this new guy & he seems great he tells me that he really likes me & does wanna be with me im not rushing into anything because i dont wanna get hurt & he said its cool if we take are time i seem to think he never has time for me like he says he has practice & i know practice doesnt take 10 hours & after practice he doesnt wanna talk to me until like 2 am & i stay up just so i can talk to him! he doesnt seem like the type of guy to hurt me or anything im just scared because ive been hurt in the past & i know maybe he wants his space & wants to hangout with his friends but i just dont trust him! /: i dont know why im so into him because i dont think hes that into me & i dont wanna feel dumb but hes says that he will never do anything to hurt me & that he really sees me in his furture & i hope hes saying what he means & not what i wanna hear because right now i do have alot of feelings for him & i try not to text him so much & or call him but i think about him all the time & i ask him if ever thinks about me & he says yeah but i think hes just saying that i do have trust issues & im jealous but he looks past that & wants to make this work & so do i. (:
    Can you please help me im so lost & confused.

  25. melanie 6 September 2011 at 7:18 pm Permalink

    hey ash,

    I tried the letter you recommended, it kinda backfired….he thinks im in a beetter place now and that he made the right decision by breakin up….he recently deleted all my pictures from facebook from his profile pictures this is after a day from getting the letter…he also went to a party and was checking girls out….idk if this stuff works….are these bad signs? is he over? Its been almost two months of the break up i broke contact with him for almost a month now….and sent the letter after 25 days of no contact….i still haven’t contacted him…

    thank you

    • Ashley Kay 7 September 2011 at 8:12 am Permalink

      If your ex is really quick to move on, then I question how serious your relationship was in the first place. If it was a serious relationship, then he’s probably still angry about something and not over it. His behaviour is kind of typical of someone who is recently “freed” from a relationship. Of course he will want to go out and check out other girls.. he is single now! He gets to do that stuff! Let him enjoy it while it lasts until he starts to get lonely and misses being in a relationship again… then he’ll start knocking on your door.

  26. anne 27 September 2011 at 5:07 am Permalink

    wat do i do wen my ex text me out of no where affter me not talking to him at all for 2days and he said why dont you and mike h or who ever he is talk because you both seem to have the perfict time talking? wat do i say back or not say?

  27. anonomous 14 October 2011 at 9:20 pm Permalink

    Hi there. I fell in love with this guy who was married already and he fell for me too. We got really close and started gettinsg sexually involved as well as being very strongly emotionally connected. He always told me how much he loved me and how he never wnted to loose me. He told his wife and they separated immediately and he would only go to see her for his kids. He continued to see me and we got more and more involved. He never experienced sexually stuff with his wife properly. She didnt enjoy it and wasnt physically into him so she never climaxed. He always said his relationship with her was shit and he was happier with me. He met up with her to talk about separation then he suddenly got funny with me and decided to end our relationship and cut off most methods of communication and would despise touching me like a hug goodbye. He says he needs to try with her cause he does love her. Though he loves me too. He says he is unable to be in contact with me due to not being able to be attracted to his wife cause of his stronger atfraction to me. I tried to tlk tohim and get him to see but he says he still loves his wife and wants his family. How can i get him back i love him so much and dont want to lose him.

  28. anonymouse 19 October 2011 at 3:41 pm Permalink

    This video made me teary because its making me see how I’m not always being respectful to my boyfriend. I try to search these kinds of videos in order to catch myself making any mistakes BEFORE it gets too late. This one was really great.

  29. Court 14 November 2011 at 12:48 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    My boyfriend and I dated for a year and a half. We were really serious but went through a lot this past year with me suffering through depression and then him switching to a harder college this year. We’re both at the same college now after spending a year at seperate schools but when we got to the same school we kinda started suffocating each other and basically living together. What started out as a break because he needed space turned into a break up because I couldn’t leave him alone. We haven’t talked in almost 2 weeks and when telling his friends and family he acts like it’s not a big deal and says we broke up because he just needed space. Last night though he tweeted, “Despite feeling really down right now but would never go back to the way it was. Miss the idea not the actual thing.” To me that sounds like he’s talking about he would never go back to a relationship with all the stress and fighting we had. I really need advice. Does what he said sound like my situation is hopeless? We might have fought a lot but we always talked about a future together and he even told my dad this summer he planned on marrying me. So please I need help.
    Thanks, Court

  30. Lisa 30 December 2011 at 6:32 pm Permalink

    Thanks for the helpful tips. My husband and I have been married almost 10 years and he left me for another woman. He says he loves me and cares more about my happiness than anything but just isn’t unloved with me anymore. He’s 40 and the woman he left me for is 27. The kids and I miss him tons. And all he can say is I care and want to work past this and be friends. He just bought a house 3 houses from are home. He comes and sees the boys every night and does little things around the house that’s needed.. I have asked for space and he says no he can’t do that. He hasn’t packed any of his stuff. All I do is cry and fight with him when he’s here. Yes I know the texts fights all of that. I still love him and know we can work past this but one problem is his new girlfriend. When I don’t text him or answer his calls he comes to the house. If anyone has helpful tips on how to win him back and how to get the crying n hurt to stop would be great. How do u do it when kids are in the mess also? Its not like we can just stop speaking altogether. Hhmm

  31. Blessing 20 January 2012 at 10:18 am Permalink

    How do i get ur books,am a nigerian,where can i get it

  32. Truth 2 March 2012 at 1:31 am Permalink

    Hey there
    Okay so ive been dating my boyfriend a litle over 2 1/2 years. We’ve known eachother for the past 4. Everything was good with our occassional fights that actuallyseemed to be getting better. But i had left town for a month this pastt winter and when i came back i was very excited to see him and same from him one month has gone by since that day. All of a sudden one day out of the blue he tells me had cheated on me, and the cops were going to arrest him and he wanted to see ne and if i didnt he would od. So i went and we talked and he seemed very paranoid. Kept looking out his windows. Telling ne why im ruining his career. I left because family was arriving we talked the next morning and he told me that there was a tape of us out he was very convincing but later on admitted that he was paranoid. I think he might be on drugs or that he might be goibg throigh alcohol withdrawls. I want to be there for him but he told me that he wanted us to go our seperate was.. I dont know if i should listen to what he said then or what he said before tat which was that he loves me but he doesnt k.ow whats going on

  33. mooj 16 March 2012 at 7:29 pm Permalink

    hey ashley
    i really want my ex boyfriend back i love him soo much.we were in a releationship for 2 years .few mounths back we broke up and got back together .then we broke up once again .the reson is why we broke up is because i trusted a friend of mines and i told her everything and she said shell tell everyone about it . and ppl started removing rumors abt me and my ex .we were both inlove i trust my ex soo much .and love him too .i started sending him messeges begging him to come back and all what he says (aha just like everytime )or (get lost )or (ur soo annoying i wanna be single ) the reson of all this is cuz smetimes we fight for silly things then i go beg him and we get bk together .i keep on begging my ex all time ,texting him all time but its nt working he gets angry .im in pain and i want my ex to realize tht what he did to me was really bad ,i want him to come bk ,i want him to say sorry nt me i want him to run after me not me .please i really need your help i want things to get better and win my love back .

  34. mooj 27 March 2012 at 1:55 am Permalink

    hey ashely
    as i told u ilove my ex but i just want u to give me the steps of wht to exactly do i stoped contacting him and its been a week .wht should i do . i apologised to him for the things i said he said it was ok and he accepts th eapology and i asked him hw is he he said his fine and e asked me too i said i guess im okay he said ok nw i wanna if he still loves me or nt plz ashelly i need ur help
    i love my ex i just need the steps lots of love
    mooj xx

  35. Marge 4 September 2012 at 3:13 am Permalink

    Hi, Is it possible to save a 15 year relationship that has been so rocky with his cheating, then giving me money to soften me ( I had become needy due to spending my money traveling with him, and using it to decorate his house-we were engaged at the time). I have changed jobs repeatedly due to not physically being able to handle them. Now I am going to be 58 and nobody is hiring me. I have been humiliated and demeaned by him, only for him to come back to me and show me in so many ways he’s sorry for screwing up. I realize that I screwed up too. I have not straightened myself financially, so he decided to take this other woman with him on a trip to his grandson’s graduation in another state. He came back and called me the same night. I bad mouthed him to his face, and he tried to make it better again by giving me money to fix my car. It was always money he used against me and why we don’t move forward. Now it’s not the money, it’s my mouth. He doesn’t want to hear it anymore. I know it is my mouth that has been my defense. Throwing up in his face all that he has done. I do love him, and realize how needy I became. Not really a reason in my opinion to go to another woman, but he was looking to see if there was something more out there. Yes, I want another chance. I am trying very had to get a job, to pay my bills and to pay him back for some of what he has given me. It would boost my self esteem. He’s now afraid to be with me because he says he can’t do anything right. BTW, disagreements get twisted (on his part) and then escalate into a full blown fight. This is where I say things that I don’t mean, but I can’t take back. My inscurities must be dealt with first. I know that. But, if I still want to be with him, do you think it is still possible if I use your system? Please understand, I had already purchased it years ago. This is something that has been going on for a terribly long time. I haven’t changed (job, financially). Neither has he (the same other woman, 10 of our 15 years. So she’s not new, and doesn’t degrade him. She gets mad when he finds out we’re together!!! So screwed up!!!)

  36. Marge 4 September 2012 at 3:19 am Permalink

    Sorry, She gets mad when “she” finds out we’re together.

    Also, my daughter go married in Hawaii last October. He has been in her life since she was 8 yrs. old. He and I went together. I paid my way. Even paid for dinner out and food in the time share, plus gave him money toward his time share for our week’s stay.

Leave a Reply