24 August 2008 ~ 8 Comments

The Get Back Together With Your Ex Checklist

If your ex has finally succumbed and gave you the go ahead to getting back together, before you get too excited, let’s have a look at the Get Back Together Checklist – a list of things that should be ironed out or at least in the process of being ironed out if you wish to sustain this relationship long-term into the future.

Past issue have been resolved. Admittedly this might be hard for most people to answer. How do you define ‘resolved’? This depends on your unique situation but as long as you and your ex are willing to resolve these issues together, place a tick next to this one.

You learned a lesson. Break ups don’t just happen out of nowhere and for no good reason. If you’re struggling to figure out this one, perhaps you haven’t looked deep enough yet. On the other hand maybe you have learnt several lessons. Jot them down.

Future looks bright and promising. When you look to the future of your relationship, does it differ from your past? I hope so. Understand that you and your partner will change and your relationship will change. Does that scare you?

You can live without them. One of the biggest lessons that you should have learned from the break up is that you don’t ‘need’ your partner in your life. You can enjoy life just as much without them in it. Of course that doesn’t mean you should or you have to, just that you know you’ll be fine if a break up was to happen again.

Your life goals and core beliefs are aligned. Your goals doesn’t need to match, in fact it’s good to have differing goals in life, but what IS important is that you compliment one another and your core beliefs also go together well. Remember you will be with this person for a long time (if all goes well) make sure you get off on a good start.

Willing to compromise. Understand that things won’t always go the way you want and sometimes you will have to sacrifice a thing or two for the sake of the relationship. Be prepared to give and take a little.

You’re confident your ex is coming back because he/she loves you for you. Clearly I wouldn’t want you to go back into an abusive or unhealthy relationship. This means, your ex should have respect for you and are willing to put effort into this relationship as much as you will.

You love your ex for them, not for who you want them to be. On the flip side to the last point, you also have to accept your ex for who they are. Don’t try to change them because there’s a part of them you’re not happy with. It’s best to focus your energy on elements you CAN change, such as yourself.

Willing to put the past behind you. Remember don’t live and dwell on the past. Each new day with your partner is another day of fun, love and compassion. I hate holding grudges as it’s just stupid to hold onto something that has already happened. There’s nothing you can do about it, but there IS something you can do about the present.

Continue the relationship with you… give regular love and attention to yourself first. Just because you’re with someone romantically doesn’t mean you should stop the relationship you’ve developed with yourself. You should always continue to improve and better yourself or you might find an unhappiness brewing just underneath the surface waiting to explode in the future. Take care of your needs too.

How did you go? 10/10? As long as you keep these in mind, you shouldn’t have too many problems with your relationship, and even if things do fall apart, you’ll know why and why to let it go this time. Remember if you’re centred and confident with having no one but yourself to fall back on, you will do well no matter what life throws at you.

9/10 break ups STAY that way,  can your relationship survive?

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8 Responses to “The Get Back Together With Your Ex Checklist”

  1. SonjaD 23 April 2010 at 6:10 am Permalink

    I like your checklist. I especially liked “Can you live without them”. I don’t think most people think of, or realize how important this one is when they are wanting to get back together with their ex.

  2. wayne 23 March 2011 at 9:07 am Permalink

    Wow, What a brilliant checklist. After having doubt about getting back with my ex this checklist has really helped. Scored 10/10! I was with my ex for 12 yrs from the age of 17 and really struggled with the change of life. But one year on we have decided to give it another go as we have both been on such a massive journey throughout last year and come back stronger more mature. Hang in and keep your dignity and self respect because its amazing how the tables turn in the end. X

  3. ShannonF 30 April 2011 at 12:46 am Permalink

    We have been separated for a year. Finally discovered that we love each other, and don’t want to live without the other. Right now, I don’t have everything checked off the list. But before I decide to do this, I will make sure they are all checked off! Very helpful. Thank you!

  4. colin 20 August 2011 at 9:03 pm Permalink

    i hate my ex wat goes around cums around shes 38 hes 28 its lust ………………wish u were dead u know who you are lmao

  5. Joseph 26 December 2014 at 9:51 am Permalink

    Yes! I wholeheartedly concur with your response! Since our divorce, which was ultimately based upon my own “idiotic” determination to have her served, I have been running from one shallow(to say the least) relationship to another. In essence, I have been lying to myself and to her that I wouldn’t want to give it another go. We were married from 9/16/95 through 9/15/2010, and, while I have gotten to know her well as an acquaintance on the verge of being able to build a solid foundation for long-term friendship, I know that some things have not changed…one of those things is her knowledge that, yes indeed, I have been totally lying to myself that I have never stopped loving her, regardless of whatever has happened between she and past boyfriends visa verse; my situation differs from yours in that I am now courting my ex, and she knows it; she has not told me so, but she has given me several signals that she wants me to pursue her, albeit subtlety.

  6. William 29 January 2015 at 12:34 am Permalink

    After 12 years I finally told my ex I still love her and I am actively pursuing her. Scored 10 out of 10 on the checklist. I have to say love is better the second time around.

  7. Joseph 13 March 2015 at 3:00 am Permalink

    Right on William! I congratulate you on your perseverance towards your goal of reuniting with your former spouse. 12 years is an amazingly long period of time. You have what it takes, and I’m sure your X is not only well aware of your wonderful intention to take care of her as the husband of her dreams, but is impressed by your determination to get her back. I concur with you that love is definitely better the second time around.

    Since my first and last entry, I have progressed in the courting process! As a result of some careful planning and discovery of some very useful resources, I have reached the point now, after 5 long years, of having obtained enough confidence to ask her out on a date face to face (just waiting until I have my cell phone reactivated-within a just a few days from now)! The first resource I would have to say has been God and my relationship with Him. Through times of grieving, heartache, feelings of hopelessness etc., I have cried out to our Lord, imploring His help. In response to my plea that He would give me the courage and self determination to pursue my former wife, He has opened the door of her heart, and I believe, has spoken my gentle words to her. Prior to this past Valentine’s day, my mental-health counselor was affirming my long-time goal of letting my x know exactly how I feel about her. I took my counselor’s encouraging advice and opted to go in search of that perfect gesture of long-term commitment to friendship first. So, my next move was to ask my daughter what her mom would want as a gift. My daughter has been an excellent resource since this past Christmas when she recommended to me to buy her mom earrings. I did so, and my x not only thanked me, but said she was wearing the earrings (they are heart shaped and made out of sterling silver). Anyways, in light of my x wife’s acceptance and warmhearted response to my gesture of unconditional love, I decided to go in search of that perfect Valentine’s day gift. Combing through the Valentine’s day cards at the Dollar Tree store for just a few minutes, I found the perfect Valentine’s day card, a friendship card. By this point, I knew already what I would write inside: happy Valentine’s day (her name). I just wanted to tell you, happy Valentine’s day. Thank you so very much for doing such a great job in raising our kids. Thank you for being such a great example to others. I am so proud of you and you will certainly have a very special place of your own in my heart. This went over quite well. My x and I have been friends now for some time. Anyway, my son told her while I was chatting with him online, that I want to take her for dinner. I told him to tell her I miss her and would like to take her to McDonald’s or Burger King, for example, as my income is rather limited. they both got a good chuckle out of this, and I have decided to save up a bit and take her to the Red Lobster another place of her choosing. Anyhow, hang in there guys. I’m a Social Worker, and a Christian man, who does his best to live a moral and upright life; I’m far from being perfect, but if you’d like please don’t be shy in asking me any questions you might have on relationships. Let me be a resource


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