15 April 2010 ~ 48 Comments

This Is Pushing Him Away – Steps To Get Him Back When It Seems Hopeless

Did your man leave?

Find out in this video:

  • What makes a man leave (and why men are actually very simple)
  • What men want in a relationship (secrets revealed!)
  • Why you may be pushing your man away without you knowing (are you doing this now?)
  • The beginning steps to get him back even if your situation seems hopeless

Let me know what you think :)

I posted this on youtube a while ago but didn’t realize it wasn’t on my blog.

For the whole plan to getting your man back, click here.

48 Responses to “This Is Pushing Him Away – Steps To Get Him Back When It Seems Hopeless”

  1. cynthia 1 September 2011 at 4:55 pm Permalink

    hi. i just wanted to thak you for all the great tips and info u have given me… now i have a question…yes i want my ex back and i only talked to him once after the break up, i have since then so its been august 22nd that he broke up with me, he said he wasnt feeling the same for me, got the “lets be friends” speech blah blah so i told “thanks but no thanks i dont want to stay friends” then on august 26th i called him, i broke down, i was missing him so much we talked for a while then we started txting that same night but havent talked to him since last friday. i miss him so much and i want him back asap!. now, we both are still friends on facebook, he usually doesnt go on it bc he doesnt like to but today he updated his status and says that hes now single, when i saw that that broke my heart and all i wanted to do was delete him and never know anything about him, yet i still want him to be able to reach out to me and talk to me, what do u think? should i keep him as a “friend” on fb or delete him so he wont know what ive been up too lately??….

  2. rupali 2 September 2011 at 3:58 pm Permalink

    Cynthia , Men are like dog if get once he just forgot us , So the best way to bring back is stop connecting him.
    Automatically he will find insured & try to call and starts finding why we are not calling him or msging him.
    so give space he will come back OR find that guy who really cares for us Simple

    • Revtee 29 May 2012 at 12:27 am Permalink

      You are just so right! These dogs are just attention lover. And dear cynthia, just stop giving him attention, he would start coming back waving his tail.

  3. Wint Shwesin Naing 5 September 2011 at 2:53 pm Permalink

    First,I want to thank you for your great tips.Now,I have a question.Our relationship ended since May.But we still friends.He always call me whenever he need my help.Sometimes he tell me that I was his precious friend.We attend same university,so we meet several times without purpose.If we met,he never said a word to me.He only talk to me on the telephone.I can’t understand him.What should I do if I want to get back him.He still a single.

  4. Jo 12 September 2011 at 6:04 pm Permalink


    Thanks for all the tips. Mine we broke up about a month ago and two weeks later he hooked up with one of the girls who used to be my friend who also was out of a break up because of cheating. They have been together for a month. We work in the same office but I only say hi and walk on and then he sometimes send me jokes that sometimes I do not reply and sometimes I just write back LOL. The girl left the country and is away for 6 months abut he keeps posting on her fb wall that he misses her tho she never replies. but I think they chat on yahoo often. I want him back but I do not know how to do the being away from him becuase we work in the same office tho we rarely talk. I just say hello and that’s it. He sometimes walks to my desk to tell me something but I do not give him too much attention. I want him so bad but the new girl in the picture

    I got the lests be friends speech and I told him I needed my space.

  5. LoisAnn 5 October 2011 at 9:44 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley,
    My situation is a little different although your advice does apply somewhat. I had been in a long distance relationship for the past 2 yrs with a friend from my high school days (33 yrs. ago) and we reconnected through Facebook. We had a wonderful connection and when I visited, we had a phenomenal time together. Everything was great, he told me everyday that he loved me, he even discussed marriage. Over the past month or so, he started to seem uninterested, less phone calls and an overall lack of communication. When I finally summoned up the courage to ask why, he said he did some soul searching and decided it would not be fair to me for him to be in this relationship because he was felt he still had emotional ties to his ex-wife. They do have four children, youngest being 18. They do still speak quite frequently whenever issues arise with this child. He said he wanted to keep the lines of communication open with his ex to “see if there is any spark left” and that he can’t move on with the future if he’s still hung up in the past. He also said he still has very strong feelings for me. Well, I have not spoken to him since this news arrived but did email him shortly after to tell him I completely agree with the break up (although I really do not!) I am trying to stay strong and practice “no contact” to the best of my ability. I am so heartbroken and I miss him dearly. What should I do? Any advice you have to offer will be greatly appreciated.

  6. Sad 30 October 2011 at 5:56 pm Permalink

    Sounds like a similar situation I’m in… Id say drop him like a bad habit. Ive been on and off with my guy… He broke up with me numerous times to try to win his ex wife back. But he cared for me and had a hard time letting me go too… I’m coming to terms with this last breakup and realized its a bunch of bs! Don’t fall for his I care for you lines but it’s just not fair to you crap. Until he learns how to cut his cord from his ex… You guys will never stand a chance. And you want to be #1 choice not second best. I know easier said then done bc I’m still struggling in my situation too. Hope you do what’s best for you .

  7. Jelena 7 November 2011 at 7:12 am Permalink

    Hi, guys! Ashley, first I want to thank you for sharing your knowledge about this, I really appreciate it! I have a question and I’d be grateful if anyone answers. I was in a huge fight with my boyfriend, he also said that he needs space and stuff, now we’re together and he’s not contacting me, and I’m not contacting him either, I decided to take the advice and give him space, not contacting him, but he also told me that he can’t take me to his place anymore, because he has roommates (long story), and when we need to ‘sleep together’, he’ll find a place for that, so my point is: I’m scared that our relationship would be based on sex, and I don’t want that, you said that we shouldn’t agree on sex right away when they contact us, but how do I reject him? I mean, if he calls me and says, for example “I got a place for a few hours, we can go there and have sex”, I’m willing to take your advice, but how do I reject him without being rude or something like that? How do I act so he doesn’t find me immature and stuff, but completely opposite? PLEASE, answer me, anyone, I would really appreciate it! Thank you!

  8. vanessa 8 November 2011 at 3:44 am Permalink

    Hey ashley! Thank You for posting these, its helped me come out of my depressive state. But I wanted to know what should I do in my situation. Me and my ex were together for nearly 2 years, no problems what so ever andwe would see eachother every day and talk literally all day long, never seemed to run out of things to talk about. Then after about a year and a half, we went on a break that I asked for. I didn’t really need the break, but I was just starting my senior year of high school and he just started college and I didnt know how to function basically. It was very selfish for me to ask for that break, but he did it reluctantly. We still talked like a couple, and he tried to see me every day, but as the days went on it started to feel awkward so I stopped him from seeing me. I told him we would get back together after I graduated and he also reluctantly agreed. But he fought and fought, then in Feb he saw me flirting with another guy who was just a friend. He was really hurt by this, but we made up a few weeks later. Somehow we stopped communicating how we felt at around may, when I graduated. I wanted to be with him, but I wanted him to have enough space an time to forgive me for what happened before. We still talked everyday for hours in the summer. I finally mustered up the courage to tell him how I felt 2 days before he moved to college a few hours away. He was against getting back together because he said he only saw pain and that he dosent want to go back down the road. But he said maybe…so after that day I texted him everyday, and he started to refuse to skype me, something we did everyday for 2 years. When he agreed to one night, we talked and he again I asked him if he loved me and he started to cry and ended the call. Long story short, I went and stayed with him for 4 days, acted like a complete couple and he made all the first moves, but now he says it was just all old habits. He dosent want to consider giving us another try or letting me in, but he wants to stay friends and he says he thinks hes moved on so he cant go back…what should I do?

  9. Gina 27 November 2011 at 3:30 pm Permalink

    Ashley…I just have to say…for someone so young you really seem to know what you’re talking about!! I really mean that. I’ve just recently found your site and it has mentaly helped me more than you’ll ever know. My story is somewhat different than the ones I’ve read here tonight. In February…almost 9 months ago…my boyfriend and I had a fight. It sounds funny saying boyfriend because he’s 46 and I’m 50. I was married for almost 25 years and had been single for 5 years when we met. He and I were together for 2 years. I would go over to his house every Friday and stay till Monday morning. Sometimes I’d go over on Wednesday nights too. He’s been married also…very young and it didn’t last long. He was single for 15 years…married again for 5. When I met him, he was leaving his second wife…they had nothing in common. He was looking for somewhere to move to when we met. Anyway…he left her…we started going out and things were great. He didn’t want a relationship and neither did I…at the time. The days and months went by and we fell in love…truly in love. But…he always said…right up until the end…he’d never marry again. I told him when we first met that I wouldn’t either. But then came the love and I was pushing for a commitment. That was what most of our fighting was about. So that Sunday, I was tired of the fighting and packed my bag and told him I was going home that day instead of staying there and going home Monday morning. I called him the next day to talk and he wouldn’t talk. Soooooooooooo I thought I’d give him the rest of the week to cool off…called him the following weekend and he said it was over!! Now…let me back up a little and tell you this…during the 15 years he was single…he was in one relationship that apparently screwed him up. He was in love with her and she must have really done a number on him!! From the beginning he told me…”no second chances.” Well…he took it as me leaving that Sunday that I was leaving him! I tried and tried to let him know that’s not what I did…but anyway…we’ve neither one been with anyone else. We do still have sex…we do still tell each other we love each other…we do still tell each other we miss each other but he still won’t tell me he want’s any kind of relationship. He goes out with his friends…I go out sometimes…not as much. But my question is…do the rules still apply if he thinks I left him? I know a lot of the things you talk about are about the guy leaving. He feels that I left him and now he doesn’t trust me not to do it again! How do I get past that? I’ve taken your advice about the calling and texting and emailing…I did all 3!! It does work…when he didn’t hear from me in about a week I got an email that said…”to many memories…just to many memories”…which I took to mean he had been thinking about me. When I stopped calling him…he calls me now!! Once just last night…and I know he wanted to come over but I didn’t ask him to. I was dying inside for him to come over but I was strong! So…if you…or anyone that reads this could give me some advice on the trust issue he has, I would appreciate it. I love him dearly and I do want to be with him. Thank you for your time and your knowledge.

  10. Elee 12 December 2011 at 2:22 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley ,
    Thanks for the great tips, right now I think I’m losing hope though. My Ex still has not contacted me sense I wrote him that letter (well through text) it’s been 4 days..:(

  11. shantel 19 December 2011 at 4:12 am Permalink

    This women is amazing. Her advise has started working. I did everything she said and in two day’s my ex is texting me on his own.

  12. Maria 20 December 2011 at 8:40 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley. So first of all, I love your videos, they’re very informative and I’ve never found such information anywhere else. Anyways, I’ve been seeing this guy for about eight months, though we weren’t in a legitimate relationship. It was more like friends with benefits, but neither of us were seeing anyone else and we had great feelings for each other.
    He began to pull away after our last date, which was a month ago. One week after the date, I decided to call him myself. We had a great conversation, luckily for me he was still interested and we talked about how we miss each other and all that.
    Then we didn’t talk for another week. I was hanging out with another friend of mine one day and I brought my unofficial boyfriend up in a conversation and my friend said that my unofficial BF is dating one of my friends. Ivwas devastated. That exact night, he called me on Skype and noticed that I was in a bad mood, so he asked what was wrong. I told him that I’m moving soon, and I would miss him more than anything. He was really bummed about it and gave me several ways I can convince my parents not to move. I told him that it’s too late and we’ve already started packing. He said he’d really miss me and life won’t be the same for him.
    After that, he didn’t call me at all. I texted him one day and he seemed really uninterested no matter how much I flirted. And when I passed by him, he was talking to his friend about that other girl that I mentioned earlier, saying that she’s his date to prom and all that. I couldn’t feel any worse.
    That was about two weeks ago and we haven’t talked at all in all this time. And he just seems to always be looking at my Facebook profile. Whenever I post a new status, he likes it the second I post it. And there’s no evidence of him doing that with his “girlfriend”.
    So, what do you think? Does it sound like he’s still interested? I don’t even know if we’re broken up or not because he never said anything. Should I call him up, or wait for him to call? Thanks.

  13. Paula 23 December 2011 at 11:24 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    Your advice sounds absolutely intelligent. It’s also a no-brainer that to re-attract someone, you have to show confidence and that you can get along without that person., and at the same time that you’ve changed in some ways that are necessary. If the relationship is long distance, there aren’t any alternatives to getting someone’s attention other than to send a letter (unless of course you are connected to that person on Facebook, which I don’t recommend).

    But here’s the thing: Most of advice you provide seems geared toward situations for people who want to get back with their ex, when their ex is the person who broke off the relationship. But what if the person trying to get back, is the one who broke it off? Like for example, I am the person who broke off the relationship with my ex BF in September. But I NEVER really wanted to break it off. I felt I had to break it off after taking illogical advice from the dating sites when things weren’t going well. I felt our relationship was headed nowhere.

    Now, I can’t even get though to him. I sent him a brief letter recently similar to the one you mentioned, and still haven’t heard from him. It’s the Christmas holidays, for goodness sake, so if he can’t at least wish me a Merry Christmas, then does he REALLY sound like the type of person worth pursuing?

  14. Paula 23 December 2011 at 2:40 pm Permalink

    Ok, about my previous comment. I was WRONG. And oh boy!

    I just got some lovely gifts in the mail from my ex, plus one for my daughter AND a birthday present for her, since he remembered her birthday is 2 days later (and, btw my daughter’s name is the same as yours…”Ashley”, lol).
    But talk about GUILT!

    You know what? I cheated. I did take your advice to send a brief, mysterious letter. But that letter was packaged in a box that was shipped to him, with a Christmas present inside. He just received it 3 days ago. So, obviously at the last minute he decided to send me something in return.

    I have NO idea if he merely sent these lovely gifts if he simply felt obligated, or if he really wanted to all along to send them, and finally had the courage to do so now that I took the initiative to send him a gift first.

    See- that’s what went wrong in our relationship in the first place, is my complaint that he was no longer initiating things with me. Which is why I broke it off to consider dating other guys. And I never wanted to. to go to another guy- I truly wanted him deep down.

    Anyway, the lovely gifts I got from him in return are more than a just response. It was very sweet of him! But, I don’t want to blow it now. Should I wait till Christmas day to email him a warm, yet brief thank you? I understand about the taking a step forward, and yet steps back sort of thing, but I still have fears of blowing it now. I feel like since he sent me the more expensive gifts, that I should thank him first. I want to show my appreciation, and yet not overdue it.

    Gosh, the idea was for me to expect nothing in return from him. I wanted to hear from him, and just get a warm “thank you” from him. But now that he sent me the pricier gift,plus gifts for my daughter…..gosh….I feel like an idiot and I don’t know where to go from here :-(

  15. Paula 26 December 2011 at 5:18 pm Permalink

    Sigh….I am sad. Help! If you can help, that is. Because yes, my ex sent me a Christmas gift in return (even one for my daughter, plus one for her upcoming birthday), but that seems to be as far as it goes. It is as if he would rather “thank” me by sending me a gift in return rather than thanking me personally. He does not seem to want to talk to me otherwise. Maybe I didn’t leave him with enough mystery in the short letter I sent him. He won’t reply to my email. Gosh :-(

    I broke up with him in September. He might still be bitter, but on the other hand I feel like he wanted me to break it off with him. I don’t know. He was bitter enough at the time, but at the same time pushed me away in the first place, which prompted me to break it off.

    If I can’t really get though to him to the point where he’ll actually talk to me and show interest in me, what good does it do to keep trying to figure out how to get him back?

  16. Paula 2 January 2012 at 10:18 am Permalink

    Good ideas. But is it worth it to pursue a man who keeps ignoring you? Doesn’t sound to me like someone who cares at all.

  17. starr 6 January 2012 at 1:15 pm Permalink

    i just want to say thank you for putting hope back into me! well my situation is a little different thanbmost guys out there. “old fashion” yeah i’m 16 and he’s 18 but this was his first relationship he asked me out on feb. 5th 2011 and he ended it 1-1-12! our relationship was real love. but there was alot of mistakes that i did. (we met at work and he even asked my parents if he could date me) well any way he fell in love with me hard and fast. He basically put me on a pedalstle and gave me gifts for my birthday even before we were dating. he did everything i asked him to do, and he did it. but my problem was i ALWAYS wanted to break up because i was scared of going into another serious relationship and getting hurt or avoiding the fact that he wanted to know my childhood & some point i didnt feel the same as he did for me because other (guys were starting to talk to me) but everytime i would want to break up he kept comeing back no matter what i did. he followed me to my friends house, call me a 1,000’s times and text! Or at work when i would go out side and do my job he would follow me n just hold me and i would push him away and walk but he would just go infront of me and kiss me or he would play our “songs” or send poetry. But i ALWAYS gave in.. i ALWAYS took him back because he showed me how much he loved me. I also told him that im the type of girl that gets jealouse veey easily and angery. Anyway he still stuck by my side, until he stopped what i have been asking him to do because his mom would say no or his car broke and is waiting for his new one that he is buying from his friend. i didnt understand why his mom kept saying no for me and him to go and do things or because of his car. summer 2011 he was usimg his moms car (which its window got smashed out) because he would park is car or his moms car in the corn field next tk my house and would sneek over everynight. but i started to notice that he been stop coming overnight because he had his moms car. but i was being stubborn and thats the thing im very stubborn. in october of 2011 he also saw the texts that i was texting another guy and we were being flirty like really flirty. he was ticked but ths guy i waa talking to had gf and we wouldnt do anything. and than while he was away in end of last school year i liked this other guy but idk how to say this he lied to me about a movie time that he was my ride to but told me that everyone is meeting us there sk we got there and no one came so we just went to the movie on my way home we went a diff route and stopped in some drive wY of a corn field and basically didnt bring me home unless i gave him something. (yes i know it was rape but i didnt tell anyone because i would loose on where im living) so i was at a friends house and than this same guy shows up and was threatning me that he would tell everyone lies about me and hurt me if i didnt go some where with him so i didnt want any trouble or moving away to a different family so i went with them to his house and did things.. well soon my monthly period didnt come and i took like 8 pregnancy tests and most of them said +, so some way and some how i had to tell my boyfriend. i told him but i didnt say that i got raped i told him that i basically cheated on him.. he pissed didnt want to talk to me i understood but by 2 weeks later he came to see me and started tobSk me questions like if i wantes to bebwith this guy, is he going to be around for this child? all my answers were no and that i didnt mean for it to happen and that i loved him, so he said he will be the father of this child. and again stood by my side.. but i got an abortion becuz 1.i nevee told my parents 2. never told my bf thebreal truth 3.the guy that raped me his mom was threatning me. but we made up and everything was fine.

    in beginning of december i started noticing he hasnt been acting the same and which really ticked me off at work especiLly because he would have to work with another girl that i already think she likes him. and they would do everything together at work and i would notice tbat they would be outside for awhile n i would go out their and he would be flirting and she would too. and i told him i dont him talking to her and he said fine and agreed. but than the ne t time we worked he bought her breKfast and brought her bome when her ride was on its way. than i blew up. and told him. off thru text and he kept saying he’s too pissed to talk and didnt want to talk but i kept nagging him and nagging him but hebjust got even more pissed. so he was ignoring me so i went to his job and begged and begged but he kept saying no were better off alone, we both were and he lives a half n hour away n i had some friends to take me. so i went home he came over that night and he juat wanted to sleep when i wanted answers so cried all night to him n begging him and begging him. and he said he would think about it so we finally went to sleep for like 2 hours and than he left. i asked him xould he atleast come for a last night he said but doesnt know whwn because his mom wouldnt let him take the car. i said well asap would be good. than he came over again but to return my stuff and we did stuff n than he left. around new years my parents asked me to invite him over so i txted him and told him to come over but no txt. so sunday we worked together and i wasnt trying to tlK to him but i finLly said come here and i just wanted to say happy new year Nd he said i dont want to date any more. and thats wen i broke down and begged and begged again and he said no for a long time and i asked him if we could talk after work and he said i have to ask mom n i said why your 18 and he said if i want to live there i have to follow rules. so i said fine but thN his gma asked him what he do for new years and he said go by samantha’s house. and right there i snapped and aaked him why the hell were you there he said because my sister wNted to go and i said i dont want you talking to her remeber and he said were not dating remember! so i finally ask him does he like her and not to fucken lie to me and he said no i like her as a friend not like that like her! than he left and he came on 1-3-12 for our last night at 12.. we had our last; hug,kiss, sex, sleep, holding. i pulled out my phone where i told him “remember whens” and if he loved me he said yes but not at this moment nd hebsaid he wants to b friends like start all over and if his feelings come back to him for me than we will get back together and i asked him do we still have a chance getting back together n he said yes in the future. than i said tjat if were going to get baxk together than its going to take a long time for hime to gain ur trust back to me by showing me you can be with me like u said u will. and he said ok than he we gave our last hug n kiss n he left. so this morning i sent tht letter to him tht u told me to do. so plz help me! ive tried everything he has to getvme back and he says no so plz help!

  18. Ashley 7 January 2012 at 3:26 am Permalink

    hi, me and my boyfriend broke up around 2 weeks ago he the reason was because ihe need time and i was to controlling. We talk almost every single day since we broke up at first he was really mad at me and was always telling me that he din’t love me anymore that he stop loving me a long time ago so i started to call him none stop and crying.. until i told him I was talking to someone else even though it wasn’t true he believe me and got really jelous and told me he always loved me and he wanted me back so we start talking again and even spend New Years Eve together . Everything was going great but a few days after i was at work and i text him to see what he was up to and he told me he was at the mall with a girl friend and her friend so i freaked out and call him and started saying bad words and saying stupid stuff. After that everything went back to the beginning he got really mad and didnt even wanted to talk to me. For the past few days we only been texting a little he keeps on saying that he loves me and that it hurts him too but is better for us to stay apart from eachother it really kills me knowing that Its my fault I really want to be with him but he said he lost faith on us. I try to give him space but i always end up calling(Even though he never Asnwers my calls) or texting him. Todays i told him I give up that i couldn’t keep on trying to win him back and that i want don’t want him to talk to me again.. I lie.. I really dont know what to do? or how to make him change his mind? I want to get him back Next week is our 1yr Anniversary :(

  19. Jen 17 January 2012 at 9:05 am Permalink

    Hi I love your newsletters & videos they help me want 2 become a better person. I’ve been married for 4 yrs. My husband has changed a lot. We used to b best of friends but he started changing. I would ask him but he never liked 2 talk about stuff. One night he didn’t come home to sleep & when he did come he didn’t give any excuse what so ever. So I packed all my daughter & my stuff . After a couple of months he said he missed us but I told him that I wouldn’t moved back until I was certain he had changed. It’s been a yr now supposedly he was going 2 get a bigger apartment for us so he moved 2 his parents house to save $. Everything was fine but then he got busier & he wouldn’t come see us for a whole week. I asked him if he was seeing some1 else that I would understand but 2 tell me the truth. He would only say I have trust issues. But I did find out he’s been cheating with this other girl . I asked 4 the divorce and he still denies it. He comes pick our daughter (I have 2 beg him) & he takes her 2 his mistress house. I stopped contacting him. I blocked him from Fb & my phone so he contacts me via email cause now he wants 2 see our daughter. I do miss him but it’s normal after 5yrs. & I wish he would come back but I know he will never change. But I kinda want him 2 want b back because deep inside I want him 2 feel the pain I’ve been through. & this new girl knows he’s married and now she put a profile pic on her Fb of them together . I would like her 2 feel betrayed by the person u love. But I want him 2 b happy even if it’s w/her. Idk my emotions are out of whack but I’m learning 2 let go. I know I deserve better & I’m trying 2 focus on me but sometimes my emotions win over .

  20. Ashley 16 February 2012 at 12:58 pm Permalink

    Thank you Ashley for the post! I made the mistake of contacting him after the break up by talking to him twice in person and I came across needy/begging. I found out recently that he blocked me on Steam, Google chat, and on Skype but he still has me as his friend on face book. He doesn’t go onto face book chat anymore.

    His best friend told me that he thinks I am stalking him because I ended up at the same place where he was at. Then on Valentine day, I was talking to his best friend about the break up and I headed towards the elevator and I thought I pressed the second button but I pressed the third button. I didn’t realize it because I was looking at my phone the entire time. I walked out and I noticed people were looking at me. I looked down and walked away quickly. I freaked out. I hope he didn’t see me. I know two of his friends did. I wasn’t looking for him at all. I saw him earlier but I didn’t talk to him.

    sigh, I am worried he thinks I am stalking him but I am NOT.

    • Ashley 16 February 2012 at 12:59 pm Permalink

      What should I do?

  21. angie 17 February 2012 at 10:27 am Permalink

    My boyfriend and I broke up about 7 months ago. We had dated for about 2 years. The week after we broke up, he started seeing someone else and has been seeing her for 7 months now. He has texted me several times to check on me during the past 7 months. I recently saw them together and he didn’t look or seem all that happy. He wouldn’t even speak to me. He acted as though we had never known each other. I’m dating someone else too, but I’m still so in love with him. I just wondered if there is any chance we could ever get back together. I so afraid he will marry her!! Gosh it will kill me. We both had issues with trust in our relationship and one night during our texting, he told me she was a great lady and that he felt very comfortable around her. I asked him if he loved her and he wouldn’t answer the question, just said her felt comfortable with her. Should I just forget him forever. I think he really loved me at one time.

  22. K Paula 25 February 2012 at 7:02 pm Permalink

    Again, I want to say that Ashley has great advice, but some situations are hopeless. Like someone said, men can be like dogs. Worse yet some are losers (esp. my ex who is probably sleeping his life away and playing video games). It’s not worth it to want a person like that back ladies, believe me.
    I sent the jerk a Christmas gift, along with a short letter. Got back a Christmas gift in return from him, which I now wish didn’t happen.
    Have I heard from him since? OF COURSE NOT!
    It’s been 2 months. Are you sure this stuff really works?
    Never mind, because I guess it sounds like I already wrote him off, didn’t I?

  23. Tears 29 February 2012 at 7:31 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley, I had dated my boyfriend since when I was 15, he was the same age as me and we were both classmates. We had our relationship for 2 years and 4 months, now 2012, is the time where everyone has to step out from the school and faced the reality of life. Me and my boyfriend had not meet more than 4 times in a month, and we won’t contact much in phones and facebook because he doesn’t reply me. I asked for the questions why was he being to cold to me, and we talked about it our problems but I still insist want to stay in a relationship with because I really love him. In the past, he was used to be a guy he doesn’t really know what he wants and doesn’t care much about the important things that he need to care in life.
    Now we were growing up to 18 years old, now he realize that he wasted lots of time in the past and asked for a broke up with me. I haven’t accept the broke up yet, but are there any ways to make up our relationship better in this time? I cried for almost a week and till now I still miss him a lot. Recently I was able to control my emotions because I know my life had to go on. So I started with a new life again, now may still have some sorrow in face but it wasn’t that bad as before. In the same time I hadn’t been contact with my boyfriend much now. Are there anyways I can do to make up my relationship?

  24. cayla 2 March 2012 at 2:59 pm Permalink

    hi ashley, i have a very unique relationship with my ex boyfriend. We had been together for four years. I met him during my first year of college. Since we met he had pursued me and I fell in love with him. He was the sweetest, romantic guy Ive ever met and being with him made me so happy. However, we both started getting possessive and we lived in a bubble. For four years i never went out with my friend and neither did he. We were both passionately in love and i didnt care if I was with him 24/7. However, he started feeling he misses his friends so we broke up a lot during that last year we were together. So we wouldnt talk for days and I would hang out with my friends i left for him and when he noticed I didnt show I miss him. He stalked me and waited outside my house and when we talk we always end up getting back together. This went on for a long tme. to cut the story short, everytime we made up, we go back to the same pattern. SO after graduation, he finally left since he live in the States. we didnt talk for 2 months. when i missed him terribly i texted him. and he came back for me. He said he missed me so much too so we got an apartment and lived together. I helped him get a job. BUt things got so bad again because we kept fighting, and he did the same thing he felt i was putting him in a bubble so he kept leaving me in my apartment and I knew he was meeting other women because he has the tendency to cheat. I took a job at his office and voila. I found out about the girl and I packed up my bags and left him. This was around christmas 2010. I went bk to my hometown and never talked to him. HE came after me on new years and we made up again. BUt i nagged him constantly about the girl. Then he started doing what he used to do. Stopped talking to me again. So i made up my mind. I got a boyfriend and for once i havent thought about him. When he found out he kept calling m again telling me he wants to be with me. but this time I didnt listen. This lasted for 2 months. and when i felt imissed him again. i gave in AND WE hung out again this time we werent together. we still had sex but he was cold and distant already. I found out later that the girl he hooked up with is pregnant with his baby. So i got really hurt. i stopped talking to him again. but evertyime I do. he would email me and we would get back together again. and then when i felt so unhappy coz of the betrayal he did we end up not talking again. this went on for a year. every two months one of us contacts each other. Iam so tired but all I could think about was how he could keep pushing and pulling, I asked him what he wanted from me. Everytime he comes back from the us he would contact me and we acted like we were a couple. But is so different now. I dont get hm anymore but I also wished he would still be the same when we first started dating. Now wer back together again after his vacation here. but hes back on the us. and I cannot deal with no contact every other month and then getting back at each other. IS it still worth it?Im so messed up with what he is doing to me

  25. tanya 3 March 2012 at 7:50 pm Permalink

    hey dis is tanya here
    my case is a lil diff….d person i love…we talkd for mre thn a yr on a daily n 24*7 basis but he nvr proposed neider did i….but after dat v stoppd talking coz it was not leading us newhere…n aftr 2-3 mnths i told him dat i was very much into him n had startd liking him n bt he said he nevr saw me mre thn a frnd…..bt thn hw cum i saw d clear chemistry???…n so v disussed in genrl….
    it so happens i still like him… but its been 6 mnths n he has his own life nw…we sumtyms txt each oder but datsit….wat to do now??? plzzz help….

  26. janelle 6 March 2012 at 5:09 pm Permalink

    Hey ashley! Me & my now ex boyfriend were dating for a year & a half.. He always told me I was the one. That he loved me. It didn’t stop Everything was smooth sailing until the end of feburary came along. We begang fighting with stupid things. We always made up but we had a final break up.. Because I was uncomfortable with him texting girls late at night. Now I realize they were only friends. After our break up he asked to see me one last time. He told me loved me, & told me he knew I was the one still but he didn’t want to hurt me anymore.. He said he’s confused & doesn’t know what he wants He said he didn’t want to see me cry anymore. But even when I tried leaving his house he could not stop crying. He held me back from leaving the door yet.. He decision was still made.. Something inside me tells me it wasn’t suppose to be like this.. I don’t want to give up on him.. He’s the one. Please help. I want him back in my life.. I miss talking to him. It kills me seeing him since we attend the same school! How do I get him to go crazy for me? his friends are telling this just a phase most guys go through after a long serious relationship.. But I need your help!!!!

  27. mooj 20 March 2012 at 5:24 am Permalink

    heyyy ashh
    hw are uu ?hope ur doing well as i told u bfre about me and my ex well tdy is his birthday and i wished him on monday cuz i knew tht im gnna be bussy tdy soo i wished him and i apologised abt the thing i tld him last week when he got mad and told me (we are over over over ) stop annoying me ) well i gt mad and i said stuff tht i really dint mean i started calling him a player and soo he said get lost and i was really mad soo the day bfre yestrday i wished him happy birthday he replied me with thnx and i apologised and tld him tht i was rlly mad tht day and i never meant to hurt him but all what im asking for is the right steps i need to knw what i should do ?i knw tht i ws begging him aloot and stuff everyday soo i wanna knw what to do step by step soo tht i cn win him back thnx lots of love mooj im waiting for ur reply and help as soon as possible <3 tc

  28. mooj 20 March 2012 at 5:25 am Permalink

    srry i wished him on friday*

  29. Mary 29 March 2012 at 3:34 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley,

    I just wanted to thank you for your emails and videos. I have been following the program for about three weeks. As of today my ex boyfriend and I will be broken up for a month (yes I am keeping track). In the very begining of the breakup I was a hot mess. Then I started to focus on myself, but with the 29th approcahing as a month of being split it has been bringing me down again. We haven’t spoken in almost 3 weeks and all I can think about is if he is missing me or if I’m on his mind at all. The last contact was when he dropped the rest of my stuff off at my parents house, of course he did this when we I was at work. We were living together for five months, had been together 2.5 years, and had discussed marriage and our future. I miss him everyday. I honestly believe in my heart and soul that he is the one. However, I am realizing all the mistakes that I made throughout our relationship and I hope that he gives me a second chance. I know that I became controlling, that we didn’t communicate well, we fought a lot, and we took outside stress on each other. I am four years younger than him and am in my final years of college, he already did the college thing and is now in his career and has more free time than me. I know that was a small contributing factor because even though he could relate to me I wasn’t able to relate to him being more free. The excuse he gave me for the break up was that he wasn’t feeling anything anymore, that he just wanted space, he wanted to do his own thing, and he finally reached his breaking point. Please tell me that there is hope. I know what I did wrong and I am really focusing on fixing htings. I’ve been hanging out with friends, even hanging out with a guy, but I just can’t get my ex out of my head. I know that even when a month of NC approaches I still won’t be fully ready to write him the letter or contact him. I’m just hoping that the relationship is salvagable. He did tell me that he doesn’t know what the future holds and it was possible we could be together. But he also said that he was really happy after we broke up. I don’t know how I should feel by all that. HELP ME!!


  30. Sigh 8 May 2012 at 7:58 am Permalink

    We have separated for a month now, but the actual “no contact” only begun as of last week, because we saw each other once a week or so from my request since I wanted to convince him not to leave, which didn’t work of course. I know it all depends, but how long do you think it usually takes men to realize that he had enough of his space and starts missing his girl, in other words, how long should I assume to wait it out?

  31. Dianne 18 June 2012 at 11:01 pm Permalink

    my boyfriend and I broke up about 51 days ago. we had daily contact untile n week back. he suddenly did not respond to any of my emails, text messages and calls. yesterday after a week he responded only with a few words. i do not know what to think of this all.

  32. Cara 26 June 2012 at 3:08 am Permalink

    Hello, Me and my boyfriend broke up about 3 weeks ago. We decided to be just friends and it hurt me at first cus i love him soo much. But we still go out regularly like once or twice a week as friends and were getting closer. He has invited me to a date with him this friday i think he’s going to ask me out again. Cross fingers*

  33. kat 30 June 2012 at 8:50 am Permalink

    Ok so. my bf and i split up a week ago. he said he needed space and his feelings had changed towards me. he didn’t feel the same so he ended it and moved out. i was so sad i loved him and put my all into us. i made the mistake of doing the whole begging being needy but he never answered . i got so mad and sent a bunch of nasty texts. which did up set him. At that point he said he would never text me again. he did tho. anyway so what im wanting to know is there any point now in me even trying to get him back after i have upset him this much and him not wanting to be with me ( fromwhat he said) help!!!!!!!!!!!

  34. Zukii 20 July 2012 at 11:33 pm Permalink

    Sooo, my bf broke up with me soon 2 weeks ago, he said the ‘spark’ was gone and he didnt feel any lovers feelings for me anymore… I dont get it… just 2 days before he broke up he sent me this text about how he wanted to get married once, even get kids!!! And a week before that he said he started to think about getting engaged…
    I just dont get it… His, 21 atm… we had been together for 2 years and, lived together in a small apartment for 1 year… and… yeah, we had finally gotten a bigger apartment, he sounded so happy when I said we got it but, now his moving in alone…

    Anyway, he gave me a smaller ‘list’ of what I did that made the ‘spark’ to disapear, and some things I do agree with, which I WILL work with to improve, but… some days ago he also sent me a message that… he had lied about one thing, and that was, that he did meet another girl…
    I dont get it… she’s only 16, turns 17 in 6 months, and, I know she’s had a lot of boyfriends so far, found a comment from her in some place saying she had had 7 boyfriends so far, and that was back in 2010, so… I hope that, that relationship wont work… and perhaps… he will miss me after a while…

    I tried to reply with a nice answer to that message, I told him, that ofc it hurted me, and it really did cause, his never lied to me before, when he first said it wasnt anyone else then, I truly believed him… but anyway, that, the break up wasnt our fault, I had been thinking of it, living with another person was new and scary to both of us and there was a lot of things we didnt know how to handle… and, that I still wants to be his friend and if he even needs to nag about something, work or, soccer, w/e, he can do that to me… then after sending it I started the no contact thing again and, well, he still havent replied me either…

    I hope that relationship wont work out and… sooner or later, he will be on my FB or w/e, to see that, im doing new and exciting stuff like, was some of the things he said he wanted from me to begin with… I’ll do my best, to get him back, but also, to improve myself…
    Still… I just… hope… I really do…

  35. Eli 6 August 2012 at 12:34 pm Permalink

    i really want him back i miss him so bad:”(((((((((((((((((

  36. Jackie 21 August 2012 at 11:41 am Permalink

    My guy walked away from me after 4 years. We’re both 48. Not kids!…I was very reluctant to try anything to try to get him back, due to the manner of our break up. I followed your advice. I backed off and worked on myself. It was hard not to look at what was going on in his life, however after a short while I was feeling better about myself and the fact that I wasn’t wallowing in my own misery…or at least not showing it to him when it was bearing down on me. Things are slowly re-establishing between us. First by phone and I just saw him today after about 2 months of no contact. He looked enamored with me…and it was great! The most amazing feeling ever…warm and comforting…I saw my old guy again…even if we do not fully get back together, I know that he and I have a deep friendship beyond anything an intimate relationship could provide. I love him dearly…and am so happy to have him in my life. Thank you!!!

  37. Odel 9 January 2013 at 7:25 pm Permalink

    Dear Ashley,

    I wanted to ask something as I dated my EX for almost a year IM 29 and he is 32.
    The relationship was amazing we had arguments here and there like every normal couple.
    He was married a long time ago for 3 months and got divorced.
    As we started talking about moving in together he suddenly got scared and broke up with me saying that he is confused and afraid.
    That was 2 months ago, since then he keep on calling me . texting me and even deleted me from his Facebook because he thought I was dating someone new.
    We met once because he wanted badly to talk and nothing changed he is still afraid.
    I told him that I am going to do everything in order to delete him from my life and didn’t talk to him for a week and then he called me on the 31.12.12 apologizing for calling and telling me what going on in his life.
    I don’t know what to do as I love him deeply, I do want him back, but for marriage and nothing less , since than we didn’t talk, I understand that he needs to get over his fears without me in the picture.
    Kindly advice as I am lost , I can’t eat , sleep or go on with my life because I truly feel that he is the love of my life.

  38. Latoya Jacobs 2 March 2013 at 6:14 am Permalink

    Me and my babyfathers relationship is so far gone I honestley dont think we can be helped.

  39. Stacey 14 April 2013 at 10:35 am Permalink

    I recently thought i had met my soulmate. Anazing chemistry, hours and hours of comversation, spent every waking monent together or talking. What ae called whirlwind romance. Telling me how amazing i was, best thing that ever happened to him, introduced me to his kuds, met my friends. But during our short time together he continually talked about his ex, all negative, she was very controlling, hated his kids, but he kept refering to her as heroine as an addiction. They had broken up 3 times in 3 years. however as the time passed he had confided that she gad left him 6 weeks after they had bought a new house, moved back home 5 hours away. They tried again but then he ended it. They still had a connection thru the house he needed her to sign it over. She kept flip flopping one day she was gonna sign, the next she wanted half. Him getting her to sign off on the house was due or die financial situation for him. During these conversatons he mentioned he was involved with someone and he wanted to move on. Needed clisure and to undwrstand why she had treated him so badly. Well u guessed it she platwd on his emotions manipulated him on getting back together. I am devastated he says he knows it will not work but has to try again. At first ge said hes gonna gave to pretend to go back to her so shell sign on the house. And the next day after our breakup while with her he asked me to stop all communication immediately. I know i shouldnt want him back as i was the 2nd choice but i do – is there any chance of this happening?

  40. BrooklynMermaid 14 April 2013 at 11:01 pm Permalink

    Thank you Ashley! My husband is the one who had freedom to do whatever she wished. He is retired and had plenty of time during the day to do whatever he wanted while I worked during the week. However, I felt very unappreciated. I would come home and he often did nothing around the house to keep it clean. I felt he should have had dinner on the table at least a couple times a week and perhaps eat out once a week. No we don’t have ant children together to raise because they are grown up and are from previous marriages. He also stopped dating me and taking me out; life with him just was not fun anymore. So I shared my concerns with him on many occasions and nothing changed. I finally broke down and told him I think we should divorce. He did ask me if I was willing to go to counseling and I told him yes. He said he would find a counselor and he never made the appointment. I asked him a few times if the appointment was made and he replied “No” so I stopped asking and felt he had given up. He did eventually move out stating living with me was unbearable because we had stopped communicating with one another. I felt cornered and felt there was nothing I could do. When I voiced my concerns he took offense to what I said no matter how I said it. I felt the best thing for us was to separate. At this juncture I believe I did all I could and still don’t know what to do. When he moved he would not give me his address and gave me a P. O. box address. Where do we go from here? The only time he contacted me was to get the cable box after his move!

  41. BrooklynMermaid 14 April 2013 at 11:10 pm Permalink

    Part 2

    I believe I did not ask him for anything he would expect from me. If the roles were reversed and I was home while he worked he would expect the house to be well kept and dinner on the table which I would do in a loving manner without being told. I felt there was a double standard and he could not deliver on the expectations he had for me. I was sooo hurt and frustrated. I even suggested getting a housekeeper and he felt it was too expensive. I felt often he would spend money what he found to be important to him which I had no problem with but when it came to spending money on anything I felt was important or anything to make life easier and better, such as a housekeeper or saving for a vacation, he saw no value in my wants a desires. I became very angry and resentful.

  42. little mermaid 7 November 2013 at 7:49 am Permalink

    hi :)
    my bf and I broked up in july, we spoke during august and september, not every day. he said that he need space, that he doesnt want to know what is going on in my life, that he lost trust, all he need is space. we dont talk to each other 3 weeks, i decided not to call him and give him space.
    When is time to call him?

  43. Cassandra 12 March 2014 at 3:46 pm Permalink

    Hello, my name is Cassandra.
    November 8th 2013, my ex of two years left me. I was six months pregnant (my daughter was born Jan. 22nd 2014 and I let him be there for the birth cause she went up for adoption), on November 10th 2013 two days after he left me he started dating another girl… He left me for her before. Anyways my ex and I still talk, he wants me in his life as a friend but I can’t just be friends with him, I want him back. He plays head games with me and says “I miss you, I’m not over you or I can’t not talk to you” but he has never said he loves me and the closest thing he says is he still cares… and then he says “we can’t ever be a couple again blah blah blah” and I just want to know what I should do to get him back. I thought about no contact but what if he doesn’t care, it’s been five months and I just want him to leave her for me, he was my best friend and he tells me I was his. I asked him if he loves her and he said no and he doesn’t know why he’s with her and he’s just bored he guesses…. I’ve asked so many relationship experts on what I should do to make him come back to me telling me he loves me and stuff but no one will help me, I’ve been searching for five months now all over the internet on what to do… But they all want money and believe me if I had money I would try out the books but I can’t and that’s where my search usually ends… I just need real advice one on one just someone who know what to do to just help me without trying to sell me things all the time cause I can’t. Please, if not you then maybe if you know someone who can. Thanks for reading.

  44. kamaria 1 April 2014 at 7:09 am Permalink

    Hey Ashley this is Kamaria I have a little problem.October 22, 2013 me and my boyfriend brokeup because i lied to him but i only done it to see it he still cared about me and it not what i expected. We’ve been broken up for awhile. And suddenly he has a new girlfriend. It hurts me so much and I dont know if I do have feelings for him or not?Because not only I lied He lied to me way before I did and so that was really upsetting. He nevered,called, text anything, when he sees me doesn’t say anything but to my auntie and friends. And another problem is met this guy 9 months ago and i really like him and so does him in the beginning he said he wanted to work things out but then things started to change his ex wanted him back and he wanted her back as well. It was so heartbreaking,I dont know what to do? Then after a couple of months he chose me but then 3 days later told he didnt want to be with me because he could only see us a friends but I was really trying to start something new and I see us more than friends. Then 2 1/2 weeks later he got back with his ex and now I’m so hurt about it I can’t do anything about it at this moment.

    What should I do?

  45. Gina 23 July 2014 at 6:46 am Permalink

    Hi hello,i wanted to ask you.I’m in a relation with one boy.we were with each other in our difficult times.we love each other a lot. but it seems now he is less interested in me now.he used to say i love you everyday but now it seems he says it in 3 or 4 days . so please please do something.i mean i really love him. just give me some advice or some steps that i can do to get him back the way he was.we are still in relation but i want to make our relation the best one.so some steps please ? So that we may stay forever together. And that he will love me more day by day. please
    i will really appreciate your answer.So please do help me.I’m really in need of it.Please tell me some steps. Thank you so much. please do reply

  46. Katie Tran 29 July 2014 at 1:50 pm Permalink

    Dear Ashley,

    My name is Katie and I had broken up with my boyfriend nearly month ago. I want to get back with him and I need your diagnosis for my situation. My ex and I were in international relationship because he is come from Hong Kong and I’m come from Vietnam. We actually had a lot of cultural differences however I always tried to learn how to cope with the cultural differences issue. My Ex and I had been in the relationship for 8 months in total. We started having a lot of issues when his sister came over to visit us. On those days, his sister reactions towards him like a couple and I felt uncomfortable about that, as I’m a really straight forward person so that I told him to tell his sister to stop doing that. I felt extremely happy when I was with him however, our love towards each others started declining since the sixth month of relationship. I felt the thing was so fake. We tried to boost our feelings from each others a lot since we started dating more, give each others more free time but my ex said It wasn’t enough and he felt stressful during the relationship, I want to fix my mistakes. I want to be with him more than anyone else.
    PLEASE HELP ME :( Now I’m in long distance relationship with him till the day that we both come back to the UK to complete studying. :( PLEASE HELP ME :(

    Thank you so much

    Your sincerely,


Leave a Reply