11 January 2011 ~ 412 Comments

One Simple Psychological Trigger That Will Get Your Ex Chasing You Around Like Crazy

If you want to get your girlfriend back or your boyfriend back, then what I’m about to reveal in this article is extremely powerful and must be used with absolute caution. This is based on human psychology triggers that is imprinted into us since the prehistoric days, and MOST people are effected by the trick I’m about to reveal with little hesitation.

This ONLY works based on this psychological principle:

  • People want what they can’t have


There is a REASON human beings want what they can’t have. Why? To push toward growth and advance in life. In the prehistoric days if everyone was happy hunting animals with sticks and sleeping under trees and caves, we wouldn’t have the world we have today. It’s due to this instinctive drive to want what we don’t already have – to strive for more – that makes this trick so powerful and very effective.

So how does this work?

Well, if you think about it, the main reason your ex is rejecting you is because they KNOW you want them more than they want you. If that wasn’t the case, this would be a mutual split and you wouldn’t be reading this article.

The trick is to make your ex THINK you don’t want them anymore and in fact, you’re happily moving on and pursuing other potential interests.

This is really damaging on a lot of levels:

  1. Your ex won’t understand why suddenly you don’t want them anymore (what has changed?)
  2. Your ex will be curious to know how you could so quickly move on (when often they’re still struggling with the break up themselves)
  3. Your ex wants to know whether you’re seeing someone else and who they are and if you’re happy.
  4. Your ex will instinctively want to chase you because THEY are the ones who can’t have you anymore.
  5. Your ex will be quietly jealous that the situation has been reversed on them and you’re the happy one while they’re not.

Now, there’s going to be some BIG resistance on your part to do any of this because your brain NATURALLY wants to chase and show your ex you love them and care for them. If you haven’t figured it out yet, check out the 5 deadly mistakes you must never make list to see what I mean.

However, if you look at it from a strategic point of view, you’ll understand why this makes MORE sense to do.

The biggest obstacle to using this method is your mindset and actually making yourself believe that you ARE moving on and over the whole relationship. (The method is simple but it’s the simple things that are actually the hardest to do!)

So here’s what you’re going to do:

Step 1: Send your ex a handwritten letter (email is ok, but a letter is better)

Step 2: In the letter you want to say that you’ve finally accepted the break up, you’re moving on, getting your life back on track and have exciting things coming up. Make it sound like you’re happy but not over the top. The key to the letter is to keep it very short (less than a 100 words if possible), and end it on a CLIFF HANGER.

TV shows are great at providing cliff hangers at the end of each show. A cliff hanger is usually something that provokes curiosity and entices the audience to want to watch the next show. The job is the keep the STORY in the mind of the audience so they are on the edge of their seat wanting more. That’s when the show ends and you scream at the TV out of frustration.

This is the same emotion you want to evoke at the end of the letter.

“I’m really excited about the weekend and going out this Saturday with someone new. You know… never mind…

Call me if you want.”

This is an example of a cliff hanger. It’s not so over the top that isn’t not unbelievable but it creates a similar type of feeling because you’re hinting you’re going out with someone new, and your ex will be wondering who this person is. It could be a friend but they will jump to conclusions and think it’s a new guy or girl you’re dating. That’s what you WANT them to think.

The ‘Call me’ part at the end is absolutely crucial because you need to tell your ex what you want them to do. If you don’t, they will not call or do anything. Don’t drop the ball by leaving this out! At the same time you don’t want to sound desperate or wishy washy, so the state of Call me needs to strong and clear. For example, don’t do this: “I’m free whenever you feel like talking, I’m here for you.” That sounds too desperate.

That’s about it!

Don’t go over the top. Send the letter and wait for their call. If they don’t call you, send an “accidental” text message saying “I’ll see you tomorrow.” then say “oops” afterward to your ex. The other important thing to note is the power of No Contact.

After you send the letter, if you stick to No Contact, the pure fact that there is no communication will make your ex think all kinds of crazy thoughts about you. This is how you reverse the effect of being the one chasing your ex to having your ex chase you like crazy.

WARNING!

Now, clearly this is only the START of getting an ex girlfriend or boyfriend to chase, it doesn’t stop here. And often you need to maintain the momentum of “the chase” so your ex is always the one chasing until they are the one begging you back into the relationship. The complete strategy is given in detail in this system The Ex Recovery System, which you can learn more about on the next page.

Click Here For All The Psychological Tactics to Get Your Ex Begging You Back

(Once again, remember to use this tactic with caution and be careful that once your ex DOES call you need to have a set plan in place or else you may end up going backwards again. Head to the link above to get the full scoop.)

412 Responses to “One Simple Psychological Trigger That Will Get Your Ex Chasing You Around Like Crazy”

  1. Sue 11 January 2011 at 12:47 pm Permalink

    I have been tying all sorts of ways to get my ex back,the harder I’ve tried the further he has gone.
    We do keep in contact but it has been a wishy washy type of freinship.But i do believe there are still feelings on his end otherwise he would have stoped contact by now.
    I have just followe your advice and made up a ficticios guy.
    So lets see where this goes and if he bites :)

    • CC 19 March 2011 at 11:45 am Permalink

      did it work?

    • Elee 9 December 2011 at 4:16 pm Permalink

      I’m very eager to do the step by step process but I’m so nervous.

    • Beth 11 January 2012 at 11:28 am Permalink

      Take it another step Sue… find a real guy. You don’t have to be anything but friends. Actually friends are a good thing too. Do things with someone or by yourself but get your mind off him and on you. Take that time you are wasting and spend it wisely. Take a class, join a sport, volunteer…..oh yes that is actually very fulfilling. It is supposed to be for the ppl you are helping lol but I think I always get more out of it. I am just saying that if your ex comes back that is great but if not then you are not letting life pass you by. Ok maybe this is not the best advise but I like to shop to make me feel better. Also new hair or my best friend the esthetician. She always has something to fight off the age demon. Ok I am done….stepping down off the soap box now. I wish you luck either way.

      • Mary 16 January 2012 at 3:54 pm Permalink

        It does work. Sadly. Bc went I found a young gentle man that far surpassed my ex. Knoc Knock , theres my ex all ready to take me back. (AND HE HAD DUMPED ME. )out of the blew. by this point i didnt want to work it out with him. so i flat out asked. “why all the attention?” he kind of got quiet and said it was basically that i was happy and having fun and saw all the posted pics on fb of me just…livin it up.and it made him miss all the fun times. i briefly said. “oh…well…we’ll have fun again some time im sure. but i have to go.” oh and also he had met a younger thinner blonde girl than me. and he has still not let up in writing me and checking in. so. it works. be smart about it.

  2. willy 11 January 2011 at 8:42 pm Permalink

    ashly hi
    i’ve read every information and i tell you am now 100% set.
    thanks so much.

  3. kevin 11 January 2011 at 9:15 pm Permalink

    I have been split with my ex for 3 months and she dumped me. Been together 5 years and really gutted. I have sent texts to meet for drink reply too busy.
    Then asked to go drink over christmas no reply . Then i said be nice to meet for drink and clear the air as she says to her sister really hates me. I sent flowers to her sister on her 40th birthday which i thought was a nice thing to do. Really jealous and a control freak.

    I have always been the one to chase when we have broken up but this time she has told sister def over for good. This saturday sister posted on facebook that the band leader age 25 has asked Hannah my ex 39 out for drink and that really hurt.

    I unfortunately still have feelings for her and she knows how to keep me dangling whilst she dates other guys.
    The point is is it too late to send this letter agreeing with break etc as she may simply laugh at this. Thanks

    • Evan 12 January 2011 at 7:26 pm Permalink

      I feel for your situation. Mine and I have split for over 2 months. It’s her mother that is the interloper. My ex is as hard headed as me. We had a family life together.
      I don’t know if I should wait longer for the no contact time. I still have family pictures of us. i was the photographer. She kept the video of us singing together.
      Stay strong and start dating and woirk on yourself is what I am doing. Got my teeth cleaned, reorganized everything, resolving ex-wife issues, investing in promotion at work and as always loving my children the best I know how.
      If drinking is a really big thing in your life with her remember that alcohol is a depressant. Physical activity will pump up your endorphins.
      Make your choices good luck.
      Evan

  4. Leona 12 January 2011 at 9:09 am Permalink

    I think i love u….gonna try this wish me luck xx

  5. Kim 12 January 2011 at 10:19 am Permalink

    I wrote the letter, at the advice of a friend I left out the call me part… I only told him to send me an email if wanted to contact me. Is it too late to fix this?

    • edward 6 March 2011 at 11:54 am Permalink

      Sorry, but when you ask them to call you back or email ya back that means you still care and that gives them power. Write them a email saying you met some one else and thanks but no thanks, dont ever call or email again! And don’t finish the sentence, make it like this,” I made a mistake when I met you and now this week did meet someone new and he wants to get serious so I now agree with my break up with you. It’s the best happy thing that ever . . . . . ” Leave it like a cliff hanger and let them wonder what the last part of your words were? This will take up space in their heads.

      • Ashley Kay 8 March 2011 at 10:04 am Permalink

        Problem with that is… if (and when) they catch you out on this lie, the consequences are much worse. I’ve seen it happen and it typically never ends well. Once you go down the road of lying to try to win them back, then their trust in you will be forever gone! Trust is a hard thing to regain back once you lost it.

    • PASSIONATE 26 February 2012 at 10:26 am Permalink

      i dont know my situation is totaly different

  6. christine 12 January 2011 at 11:06 am Permalink

    Hi My ex said he never loved me properly and is now with someone else! Do you think this will work? Its been 17 months – is it too late???

    • Sarah 2 July 2011 at 3:56 pm Permalink

      yes..

      • Mia 14 August 2011 at 11:03 pm Permalink

        I’m in the same boat. My partner ended it 9 months ago and I have constantly been chasing him, ringing, texting and he has always said it’s over move on. I really love him and desperately want him back. I cannot move on. I think the constant texting, calling has pushed him further away. I’m just going to have to be strong and STOP all contact and see what happens. He has all the power in the relationship bcos he is so good at hiding his feelings so I don’t know what he is thinking. Do you think following this article will work?

    • king 10 January 2012 at 6:10 am Permalink

      leave that idiot n start a new life

    • anon 12 April 2012 at 9:29 am Permalink

      its def possible but to be honest ya dont want em -an ex will want ya back when you genuinly dont want them – I know – I love the fact I wasnt wrong about their feelings and it lets me move on properly -but something was wrong in the relationship – they dont deserve ya move on x

  7. oz 12 January 2011 at 11:35 am Permalink

    Hi Kevin, I think it’s too late for the letter, just use facebook like she is – get some girl who looks good to msg *you* on FB – she’s being a little obvious, i think…as if some 25 y.o. really wnats to be with her?

  8. Marcus 12 January 2011 at 12:10 pm Permalink

    Try the method above. It does work but you have to believe in it 100% and never give in and let the process work.

  9. Julie 12 January 2011 at 3:16 pm Permalink

    To Kevin, you sound a great guy and it’s a shame your ex and her sister are acting childish and winding you up. They know you will look on facebook – it is not true that the band leader has asked Hannah out for a drink – the message was put there on purpose for you to read. It does not show a good quality in a person that she is being unkind and is deliberately hurting you. A break up is a very painful thing and you should each show respect for each other and have consideration for each other’s feelings.

    If you do still want Hannah then I don’t think you should send a letter or email or make any contact at all, making contact is showing interest. I think the most effective thing you can do is to suddenly stop all contact which will make her wonder what you are doing – she will believe that you must be interested in somebody else or even seeing somebody else and she will act on that. At the moment she is sat back and relaxed with a smile on her face knowing that you want her. If she is jolted into suddenly realising that she could risk losing you she will change her ways.
    After a while she will send you a text – don’t reply to that first one, or if you desperately want to reply then just make it something simple, eg if she sends a text saying “hi, how are things going”, then just reply with something like “hi, I’m good ta” – don’t reply with a question because then she knows you want a reply which means you have asked her to continue the communication. If you reply as above it will worry and frustrate her – it will make her feel that you are getting on OK now without her, she may worry that you are seeing somebody else, it will make her feel that you are not excited that she contacted you and that you do not sound bothered about whether she sends another text.

    It will be her who makes the next contact again so be strong and patient and don’t break the spell. It may be straight away or it may be some time later but she will contact you and she will have been thinking about you the whole time in between. Keep up the same thing and keep it cool – reply to her messages but don’t ask her any questions. Eventually she will ask to meet you – if she says something like “would you like to meet up for a drink on Friday”, reply by saying something like “I can’t make this Friday Hannah but the following Friday would be OK, let me know if that suits you”. Using her name ‘Hannah’ is very effective as it makes it sound formal and will make her feel that you are distant from her.

    I hope all goes well for you Kevin, but you should also think to yourself whether she really is the girl for you – you sound like a good person, I feel that you deserve a good person.

    • Ian 17 January 2011 at 3:29 pm Permalink

      Yea I think Julie is on the mark with everything she said.My ex broke up with me in April last year after 8 and 1/2 years together.
      We have a 3 year old which we both love she is more confused than ever her new life is not going the way she planned and I am now realizing this was not the person for me. Her whole family especially, her mother has worked on destroying what we had and she let them. I know I can do better than that and I need to.

    • move on or hope 9 September 2011 at 3:03 pm Permalink

      hi julie..can you help me.. we’ve been broke up for a 10 days now. i emailed her last tuesday, saying that “i was shocked about the break up & we’ll just talk about what is good for both of us when i got back there this dec. for now i’ll give your space & i’ll fix myself also.” she did not reply back. we are in a long distance relationship. should i email her again saying that i respect her decision? by the way, she did this to me 3 times already & i always beg for her.. i deleted my facebook & my mom will get my stuff from her house next week..

  10. Khaye 12 January 2011 at 6:09 pm Permalink

    I was thinking of doing this, just for the sake of seeing my ex beg for me.. but I didnt.. because I dont want him back. I’ve suffered enough when we were together.. I’ll just keep this, for future reference..

  11. Swaroop 12 January 2011 at 8:03 pm Permalink

    it’s been 3 months that v plit.. and there is absolutely no contact from a month… people say that she’s dating someone who was her best friend when we were in a relation… and moreover, i feel even her friends encourage that and they don’t want to see us together… she doesn’t even have the time to think about me and me sending a letter would directly go into the trash bin without even reading it.. wat should i do?? thanks…

    • Brendan 30 January 2012 at 11:01 pm Permalink

      hey champ it’s hard to be on that spot i have just learnt my self my ex girl a week ago said she didn’t want any contact with me said she didn’t want us to ever be. i was stupid enough to chase after her for 3 days none stop but then i stopped and its been 3 days now she is starting to send me emails playing the mind game to see if i was going to say i miss you or i love you but not gonna happen i didn’t reply back. You have to play a game with girl’s now day’s they want your attention when they want it. And when you don’t give it to them they mind start going crazy like ours has been when we were chasing them.
      just move on save your time save your life enjoy your freedom remember even if you get back together that so called best friend will always be part of life so if your not there for her he will be and she just gonna waste your time and cheat. Run run is what i say i started running around for 1 hours 30 mins a night when i run i think about running away from her and it helps me i get a good night sleep i wake up sore and i blame her for it

  12. karen 12 January 2011 at 11:00 pm Permalink

    hey i was dumped 6 mths ago . so i moved out, been seeing each other for nealy 2 yrs. anyway 6 mths on, still sleep together and do alot of things together, says he loves me in his own way, next week we are going away and next mth. we love each others company, but he also likes his space, and his own company. he will do anything that i ask him but not the commitment bit. wish i could move on but i cant still love him. one minute he is so loving the next he is telling me that im kidding myself with him, whats that all about, says he cant live with me but cant live without me. thanks karen

    • Puffy 10 February 2012 at 12:12 pm Permalink

      Karen, I can so relate to your story. The difference in my case is I let it go on for about 15 years. Then I read about emotionally unavailable men (women can be too) on a site called excess baggage.com I have a feeling that like me, a lightbulb will immediately go off in your head. The hot and cold behaviour, breaking up and then calling you after a period of time, plus a lot of other behaviours that essentially add up to one thing. He might very well be keeping you as an option, a just-in-case girlfriend, or the fallback girl. Whichever description suits you. They don’t really care that during this time you could be looking for someone that will genuinely love you back and stealing your time, it’s all about them and making sure you are available when they want your company now and into the foreseeable future. They don’t have any intention of stepping up to the plate but they like knowing that you’re always available and ready to believe they’ve changed in some way.

      I personally am too experienced and jaded to ever fall for a “cliffhanger” ending like the one suggested here. It just seems childish to me. I think he is definitely right about one thing – people give a lot of value to a thing or person, if they have, at some point, been uncertain as to whether or not they’ll get it. The one thing I’ve noticed that captures attention more than anything else is complete radio silence. No contact by phone, e-mail, texting, Facebook, nothing at all. Nothing drives a person more crazy than complete indifference. Unless of course the person who has broken up with you really, genuinely and truly doesn’t give a tiny little crap about you and in that case, you are refusing to face reality.

  13. JeffRN 13 January 2011 at 1:52 am Permalink

    Hi ashly!
    i hope it’ll work… thanks!

  14. L.H 13 January 2011 at 7:39 am Permalink

    My ex broke up with me back in november and I didn’t speak to him til Dec. I sent him a msge asking for my mp3 back,he said he’s busy and I said I’ll send someone over to get it,this obviously offended him cos he said what’s wrong wirh me getting it? I didn’t reply and left it at that,problem is..I don’t know his address to send the letter! What do I do? I was told not to do it on FB

  15. CHRIS 13 January 2011 at 11:11 am Permalink

    so my girlfriend of 2yrs all the sudden breaks up with me saying this has been going on for about 6 months that she has been hurt and feeling like our relationship has gone down the drain we always fought over the dumbest things just nit picking at everything and i realized that and just want too make it work its hard too not make contact becuase i work with her so i am always seeing her she says she needs too figure out what she wants too do with her life and plan it out we still hug when one of use leaves work and hang out one time we held hands the entire time we hung out i dont know what that means

    • ElderLordLove 14 March 2011 at 9:19 pm Permalink

      This is hard cause you have to cut off all the caring but problem is it could be bad ignoring them some people take you ignoring them as a sign its time to move on.So you have to becareful how you do it.

  16. Kim 13 January 2011 at 11:22 am Permalink

    I love you. I sent him a text and he immediately texted me back. Ur amazing

  17. leah 13 January 2011 at 1:14 pm Permalink

    I just have to say, totally awsome post! This method absolutely does work. Most people just have a rough time carrying it out because they are afraid of the result going the opposite way, but if they are brave enough to implement it, they will see won’t they? Again great post, thanks.

    • joz 29 December 2011 at 6:38 pm Permalink

      after two and 1/2 of our relationship final we brokeup
      and it has been ten month since we brokeup.i real love her and am sure she does love me but she hide her feeling..she said already datting another guy en move on but she wants me 2 to stay like her friend and contact like friend because she doesn’t want me back and nothing good can make her come back to me coz she already move on but i refuse being her friend though we still communicating but every time we ended with urgument..i sent a text to want her to stop communicating with me but i feel guilt coz am the one who is source of problem and make her to dump me because of my misbehaviour….what should i do to make her love me again voz am tried ma best and am about to gvup cz nothing good i get inreturn…and now she support my decision of no contact hoping we can avoid fluent urgement.

  18. Tosh 14 January 2011 at 11:57 am Permalink

    Hi I have been having problem with my wife… Now it’s been almost 4 months…and it’s gone to divorce now… Well I admit was my fault aswell as I was bit possessive and I loose temper when she was angry at me..also she didn’t like me smoking and drinking which I did occasionally..which was always topic of dispute and she was the one to start… I always tried to explain but she didn’t understand me and always ask me to leave her which really hurts me… Why would I leave her? Now that she wants divorce… And we got long distance relationship… I have tried so much and problem is can’t go back to my homeland to see her aswell… So I was just going to give up on her as she did… But still I love her so much and I have realized all the mistake I have done… But she says it too late for that and she confidently says that it’s hard for her aswell that we are breaking up but it will b fine with time… I know she still care for me but now her family is also against me… She was about to come where I am now but her visa was rejected… I’m so fucked up since last three months…. Please give me some clue…

  19. chad 15 January 2011 at 1:11 pm Permalink

    i have been struggling with my ex back with her ex but she still says she love me & misses me all the time. Recently i said some things that she exploded on me and says those things hurt & of coarse i said i’m sorry…but she said u say it ur sorry and do it again! but the things i’ve got upset about all over her ex and that i feel second choice! i am really sorry and i do love her very much! i tried this method once before kinda but the program i got it from was not that good!yes it did work but it didnt tell you how to follow it out now i’m afraid to try it again!! any ideas on how to do it a second time? i don’t want to lose her anymore!!

  20. l.H 24 January 2011 at 11:59 am Permalink

    I sent the letter (via email) and he hasn’t replied! Its been two weeks,should I give up or is there still hope? X

    • ElderLordLove 14 March 2011 at 9:21 pm Permalink

      Theres always hope its just how much your willing to put into it.

  21. carolyn 25 January 2011 at 9:56 am Permalink

    um question
    i already did something like that before well i said i just wanted to say i think the break up was the best thing for us and now idk wht to do bc i would do anything to get my ex boyfriend back but was that a good thing that i said that… Help me!!!!!!!!!!!

  22. gin 2 February 2011 at 1:02 pm Permalink

    it was 2 months ago when he finally said it’s over.. is their hope? and he’s dating with other woman.

  23. Sammy 5 February 2011 at 11:54 pm Permalink

    Hi, I’ve got a rather confusing situation on my hands, could really do with some advice- I’m a 30 year old guy and in Sept 2009 I re-entered education in order to improve my situation and better myself. My girlfriend, who is 45, and I had been together for 7 years at this point (having known each other for 12 of those years) and were very much in love, we have a family (her children from a previous marriage) and everything had been great, she was my main inspiration in going back to college. As I started my degree, she seemed to loose interest in me and it was as though I slipped down a rank by becoming a student at this stage in my life. Cut a long story short, I felt as though I was placed further down in her list of priorities and as I struggled to get back to the top of this I met someone at college who played in the college band with me, this person gave me so much attention and compliments I developed feelings for her which scared the hell out of me. we exchanged emails but never did anything, I love and respect my girlfriend too much to ever cheat on her. I was terrified and confused, I have never and would never cheat on anyone, I am very moralistic and overly sensitive- I needed to get away and think- I moved my stuff out of her house and my girlfriend then checked my emails and found the communication and declaration of feelings between this girl and I. We split up as a result, this girl then made a play for me, I was still heavily in love with my girlfriend, this girl tried to kiss me, it felt awful, I felt sick, I pushed her away but the guilt was heavy in my heart and I knew I needed to get my girlfriend back.

    A few months went by, my girlfriend and I ceased all communication. I felt terrible for hurting her so badly, this new girl was hounding me and trying to convince me I should be with her but I could not do that. xmas 2009 came, I told this girl to please leave me alone, I would always love my girlfriend and I needed to try and get her back… I had made a huge mistake- I fell for this girls attention, advances and attitude towards me nothing more, I did not find her physically attractive at all!

    My girlfriend and I met on xmas day, we exchanged gifts and made love, it was incredible, I knew we had a chance and she was and is the one for me, know one can make me feel like she does! Then this girl sent an email to my girlfriend telling her I had been playing them both and that I didn’t deserve either of them, she had become jealous and determined to ruin my chances of re-establishing me and my girlfriends relationship. a month or so of silence went by and I decided to really try hard to reconnect with my ex, it worked and she started really trying hard, there was trust to earn back but I was so happy we were on our way back to strength.

    At this time the girl tried to establish a friendship with me back at college and said she was fine now and had moved on, I saw this as a good sensible situation and ended up playing a few college gigs with her, then we started emailing each other again, This was possibly the biggest mistake of my life, Although absolutely nothing physical happened between us, some heavily emotionally charged emails were sent back and forth and I fell into the tangled situation of her advances, looking back it was clear she was trying to manipulate me, I still had that lingering, tangled emotional connection to her. My girlfriend would regularly verbally attack me for the mistake I had made at this time, this met with the continued and clever advances of the college girl made me confused all over again, except this time I was determined to fix everything and get my relationship properly back on track.

    In march of 2010 I began to sether all ties with this girl, I stopped playing in the college band, and stopped emailing, she tried and tried and was pretty relentless in her pursuit of me. By May 2010 I had finally managed to get away from this girl entirely and by this time my relationship with my girlfriend was really starting to come back to strength, we were doing really well and i was relieved I had finally ended the confusion in my head and sorted the problems. I knew I had done wrong and I felt ashamed of continuing emotional contact with this girl but I now felt as though I had been taught a huge lesson and I also felt intense love for my girlfriend, unlike ever before and knew what was right for us both.

    We attended her brothers wedding on may 15th and I was overcome with emotion, her family all welcomed me back (it was the first time in seeing them all since we had split up) with loving arms and I felt a new chapter had dawned, I broke down in tears, due to my being so close to loosing it all, these people meant the world to me and I loved my girlfriend more than I had ever before. Later that day I made a decision, I was going to propose to my girlfriend later this year.

    July 15th, My girlfriend an I’s anniversary of when we got together, I did something stupid, I remembered it was the college girl’s birthday (only because It was on the same day, I had not seen her for a few months) I sent a birthday email, letting her know I was happy and that I hoped she was, we were never meant to be but I did have allot of feelings for her and she was a big part of my life… I wanted bygones to be bygones but I also felt a sense of guilt that I had maybe dragged her into my life as opposed to what really happened, either way I made it a very personal b’day message and figured that would be it forever more.

    My girlfriend and I’s relationship went from strength to strength, we went on holiday, we fell deeply and passionately in love again over the summer, then came college time again- I saw this girl was back but did not speak with her, I told my girlfriend she was back, as I wanted to be as honest as possible about everything, I was not gonna let anything screw up our relationship now- like I said lesson learned! It became apparent this girl was hideously jealous of my girlfriend and I’s relationship and how I had got it all back to strength- she tried to cause some minor problems for me at college, turning people against me etc, it was immature and I rose above it. I did tell my girlfriend about it as It was the right thing I thought…

    I WAS WRONG!

    My girlfriend thought, as it was the year anniversary of all this happening in the first place that she should check my emails again as I had brought this girl up in conversation a few times recently. She thought maybe I still had feelings for the girl and that I had started communicating with her again, she couldn’t have been any further from the truth, I was planning at this stage to propose to her! I was so deeply in love with her, the college girl was now a faded memory of my life’s biggest mistake and nothing more. She meant nothing to me, I saw her in passing around the college and we just went about our own business, not even acknowledging one another! It had been 7-8 months since I had last spoke with her. I had complete clarity and was 100% into my newly recharged relationship.

    My girlfriend typed in college girls name into the search bar of my emails and found all the communication from earlier in the year, including the anniversary/birthday message!

    She confronted me about it, I said yes I had furthered communication up to a certain point, but had realized and stopped it, Since then we had built up a truly magnificent relationship and that was where we were at! I knew she was still building her trust in me from it all happening in the first place so I don’t blame her for checking my emails. I hate myself for what I did and I am so frustrated that I didn’t delete them all- I simply fell in love again with my girlfriend and since then did not look back and forgot they were still there!? I told my girlfriend the entire truth. because of the heavy emotionally content of these emails and the timing (we were getting back together at this point) my girl thought I had been having a full blown affair, she asked me if I had slept with this girl, which I hadn’t even come close to- I told her about the one kiss but she did not believe me that was the entire extent of what happened. She read some hideously deep emotional messages, I look back on that time as pure confusion and I knew I was doing wrong then, even though it was words I knew they were wrong.

    I remember praying for clarity and soon enough I got it and things became crystal clear for me, that said, It doesn’t justify my actions, I am truly sorry from the depths of my soul for ruing what was a pure and special relationship.

    So that brings us up to speed. She has kicked me out again, lost all trust again and won’t speak to me. It’s over been 2 months, I have tried everything this time, letters and emails explaining and apologizing, flowers, etc. I went over on boxing day and we exchanged xmas gifts- it had been a month, I told her everything and emphasized that we had already come through and weathered this storm, it was in the past, it was done and we had come back from it stronger. I then proposed to her, i didn’t expect an immediate answer but I felt it was the only way I could show her how I truly felt, I had been planning it for 6 months previous… she said no and I was crushed. I had asked her children for permission and they all agreed to it.

    She then said to me she needed space and that she had to be selfish, she did not know how long it would take but she needed to think. I know she still loves me and I love her beyond measure, I have given her the space she has requested, it’s been almost impossible but there are signs that are keeping me going- she kept the engagement ring, she has not said were over yet and knowing her as I do, she would have said it by now rather than keep us dangling. Although her family and friends are not talking to me either I have communication with the children and this also gives me hope. I am now so lonely, I miss my family more than words can say. I miss my girl and think about her every second, she is never far from my thoughts and I have had a real hard time dealing with this. I’ve not been able to eat or sleep and have become ill, the doctor put me on anti depressants (which I threw away because I am stronger than that) My college work has suffered greatly and I have lost 3 stone in weight due it all.

    I know it’s not about me and I take full responsibility for all my wrongdoing, I am aware our trust bond is heavily damaged and I know I have caused great pain. I know because I feel it too. I am however 100% committed to getting her back. I’m now trying to gain strength, make myself more appealing to her by doing the right thing. It’s this that i am struggling on though- just how much space do I need to give- It’s nearly been a quarter of a year!? I know I need to show her she can trust me and that she is my everything, this I am more than willing and able to do. I trust myself, I know my mistakes and I know why they happened, I know how precious love is and I know my relationship has a future. It’s just this next step that puzzles me… we are technically not yet split up, she is aware the answer lies in her hands, but she is reluctant to let me know.

    The Psychological trigger technique will not work for me in my situation, she needs reassurance and signs of trust and honesty. What do i do????

    • Evan 8 February 2011 at 7:44 pm Permalink

      I can tell by what you have written and the way you have written this that you are probably more complex than your current/ex/current/ex love girlfriend jealous lover / fiance.
      Have some self respect — you can’t be living for her next step of jealous rage.
      I would not recommend the psychological trigger method right now, because to me it would seem phoney and shallow (you have proposed and are already out and about? — if I did believe it I would think fine go right ahead because if I am that cheap to you get the hell away from me, if I did not believe it then it would deepen my distrust for you). The jealousy would just fan the fires of negative emotions and I believe that she would not believe you either way.
      I do think she will come back to you.
      First I would write her, her family and the children with an honest letter softly telling your side of the story. Tell everyone that this has been painful. Tell them right now you need time to work on yourself. After seven years I would recommend 40 days.
      All your emotions will come up and you will need a way to channel those emotions — I don’t know if you write or paint or listen to music or read poetry or what but there are ways to continue to carry your thoughts and feelings for her into creative communication hold onto those communications. Find a way to work on yourself — isn’t there a way that you have been looking forward to spending your time that has been taken away from you because you have thrust your energy into her?
      I warn you you will probably think of her everyday!!
      But … consider this do you really want a woman who is so insecure that she cannot handle you continuing to be friendly with other woman? Do you get off having the power in her hands all the time? If you really want a marriage shouldn’t power be shared?
      If you are close to her children do not forgot where they are at either but whatever you do don’t use them to find out what is going on with her. Send gifts when you think of them maybe once every 2 weeks. If you want to just send 1 a gift find a gift for all of them because the children might perceive that you love 1 more than the other.
      Separate yourself tell her yuou need time. Tell her you will remain true to her. I would not tell her 40 days do not put a time length on it for her because you might change your mind and need 60 days.
      Then if she does not communicate with you during 40 days you will have to go back. If she does pursue you then you will have choices to make.
      When you finally have choices to make then you have a say on your own destiny a man needs a say in his destiny. If you let her treat you like a puppy dog your life in time will feel sad and in time you may not like your life. YOu are someone who needs an education if you want to further your family pursuits if she can’t handle that can you trust that she really wants to create a relationship together?
      Marriage therapy during that time might help too if you can afford it. i love 3rd party professionals but choose carefully.
      Be strong. Love yourself too.

    • ElderLordLove 14 March 2011 at 9:26 pm Permalink

      By what you wrote sounds like you had a chance but trust isnt earn over night especially when the girl knows too much.She may very well never trust you again. sound like you hurt her bad. You can fix it try to be there for her as a friend but dont call it that.

      • Riverlass 9 December 2011 at 3:38 pm Permalink

        To be honest I think you got everything you deserved. You played 2 women because of your own needy insecurities. There was NO reason to maintain contact with someone you knew full well had feelings for you except to have your ego stroked. You talk as if you all of your actions were aimed at supporting others and the reality is as your apologies recognise that really you breached your partners trust for very selfish reasons. You played with fire and quite rightly got burned. There are some relationships that when they end, thats where they need to stay, ended. No Contact. Permanently. You are surely deluding yourself yet again if you think you are still in a relationship with someone who has not spoken to you in over 2 months!!! My you seem not to learn your lessons……walk your talk then perhaps you may be able to build a stable, committed relationship rather that the drama ridden, deceitfulness that you have continued to perpetuate. Learn from your mistakes and please dont involve her family in your attempts to mend your broken heart. Get the support away from your ex and her family as its your problem and it sounds like there are much deeper issues that need to be addressed at the same time to afford you to be a trustworthy person. Good luck on your healing journey…..

  24. William 6 February 2011 at 3:17 am Permalink

    My ex broke up with me. Said we should just be friends for now and told me it’s not completely over she needs space. But she calls me every day 10 times one day and a few text. I’m a lil confused by this. I refused to tell her I love her unless she tells me first. It took me a few days but I had agreed to just be friends. I don’t get why she wants space but calls every day and ask me to come over often. She did tell me about a dinner date coming up with a old friend that’s a Guy from her past.what can or should I do ?

    • Evan 8 February 2011 at 7:47 pm Permalink

      I would say “Great idea its good that we see other people.” Get yourself a date for that night and then ask if she can come over so you can all eat together.

  25. laura 12 February 2011 at 6:59 pm Permalink

    My bf of 2 years broke up with me a few days ago, i was deverstated! He said he had been thinking about wanting to be single for a while, and i feared the worst- i was correct he broke up with me a few days after the conversation. I just want to know how can we start talking again without it being awkward? and what do i say to get him to want me back. i’m so lost without him.

  26. Rob 26 February 2011 at 8:30 pm Permalink

    Ok also I have just sent the message. I really hope this works because I really thought my ex, Lucy, was the girl I was going to have a future with.

    Before she cane along I was a bit of a rogue. Going out getting girls numbers for drinks and going from one meaningless relationship to the next. Lucy came along and changed it.

    How I met Lucy was an interesting story. I used to work in a shop in a shopping mall and opposite this shop was a jewellers. I kept seeing this beautiful girl working in it. She caught my eye from day one. To get her attention I smiled and waved to her from my shop doorway. She did it back. This went on for about a month with no actual contact until it got closento Christmas. I wrote out a card for her that simply said; to the girl that smiles so politely back merry Christmas from Rob. She sent me one back a day later with her number in it. And the rest as they say is history.

    Up till about a month and a half ago that is. She turned around to me one morning and said she didn’t feel the same for me anymore. We broke up. After we met up a few times. My emotions were running high but I kept them in check until it would come to say good bye n I would crumble and say something stupid like I want to kiss you. Well about a week ago insent her a text asking if she wanted to come to Dublin with me for a weekend. She didn’t. Lol. I have stopped contacting her now well apart from that message I just sent using the advice given.

    She replied to it she replied to it just now simply saying: That’s good. I hope you have a good evening. xx

    She doesn’t really send me texts with 2 x with is what I picked up on first but does she actually mean she what she has said?

    Some advice would be much appreciated.

  27. Sabrina 28 February 2011 at 8:50 pm Permalink

    I did this today too. Made up a guy, but I was truthful on how I’m getting so many fantastic job opportunities now and I want to be a success and move on. I did say text me whenever if you want. He replie saying “nice one, let me know if you get one of these jobs”. Should I actually let him know?? Or if I do get the job I may move to London (that’s where he lives) and then after a month or two I’ll let him know. It’ll show that I didn’t go out my way to tell him. Oh and by the way wish me luck guys for this job! It will be a dream!!

  28. henry 6 March 2011 at 3:18 am Permalink

    My girlfriend broke up with saying that she still has feelings for someone else,we hang out everyday but the more we hang out the more I want her back,what do I do?

    • ElderLordLove 14 March 2011 at 9:27 pm Permalink

      Stop hanging out with her go hang out with someone else. and be nice when you brush her off.And have a good time.

  29. Brian 11 March 2011 at 6:39 am Permalink

    we broke up a week ago, i’m abroad until may. i took her for granted while i was abroad and didn’t care to make the relationship any good. when we were in the states we had the best relationship anyone could have asked for but while we were here we tried but never tried to make the relationship better. we would talk but we wouldn’t share our feelings. i wrote her a 7 page letter telling her all of the reasons why i understand. it was more for me to get over her but i’m thinking about sending it, she wants to be friends and spoke to me two days ago. she really cares still and is missing me but i’m far away and she says she wants her independence should i send her the letter or should i send the letter you suggested? i didn’t know any of the reasons why she broke up with me before she broke up with me but over the past couple of days i started writing them down and began to understand, i think she didn’t think i understood but showing this awareness and not making it too sappy is this a good way to get her back?

  30. rose 11 March 2011 at 12:02 pm Permalink

    I was with my ex for 2 years in between that I dumped him, but then I got him back. In the last few months of our relationship I treated him like shit and broke his hear again, but he didn’t leave me. I started talking to other guys and he was so loyal he never spoke to a girl until I gave him my ”friends’ number!(I’m so stupid for doing that) and they started talking they eventually got closer and closer. So he dumped me and he got together with her and now she hates me. I really want my ex back but he has a girlfriend that he’s overly in love with and I broke his heart, he tells everyone what I did to him.. Is there any possibility I can get him bak??

  31. Zarahi 13 March 2011 at 8:46 am Permalink

    hi im zarahi but im only 12 but my ex is 13 and we broke up 3 times the first time was because i was being jelous second time it was because of another girl and the third time was because he said he couldnt concentrate on me with his baseball games and stuff but he never asked me out again his sister told me that when we go to the fair together he is going to try to put his arm around me and see if i stilll like him but the thing is i dont know if i should play hard to get or just admitt that i am still in love with him

  32. Wannie 14 March 2011 at 10:21 am Permalink

    I did a very bad thing to my ex boyfriend. I created a fake profile to talk to him and he found out. He was super angry and mad and didn’t want to be even friends. What should I do? Please help.
    I’m so desperate and depressed. Never been like this before. And this guy is the one as I felt.
    Please help me.

    • susu 25 December 2011 at 6:56 pm Permalink

      give him his space,and he’ll contact u when he feels u have a life of ur own and dont need him.Men r turned off by needy and clingy women.
      goodluck:)

      • Esha 27 April 2012 at 5:20 am Permalink

        Hi Susu
        I need some advise from u, I love this guy and it’s LDR we broke up for about 3 months and just started talking about a month ago on FB. (I contacted him cuz I deleted him off my FB cuz of some stuff I found out)
        My problem ….. I always initiate the contact first. He will sometimes give me a time and not come online/Skype. And that drives me crazy, I’m waiting sending a message and don’t get no reply! Will me ignoring him on FB work? And if yes for how long should I ignore him?
        He says let’s take it slow this time and that’s fine with me. I Love him just wish Love wasn’t so hard!
        Thx Esha

  33. Andrea 14 March 2011 at 10:28 am Permalink

    Hello Ashely Kay, I have been with my ex for 2 years. And we broke up last 3 weeks ago. I have tried this one but not e-mail/ letter cos I think this may let him think that I want too much attention from him. Therefore, I sent a real quick sms telling him “I think you’re right about the breakup and We do really need space. Amazingly, something good has happened for a reason. You know what?” but he didnt respond at all. But that night he added me up on messenger but reckon he was appearing offline. What do you think is this sign?Is he curious already and wants to know what I have been doin’ all this time? I havent contacted him for 2 weeks now since I know he needs space. Thanks in advance if you would answer.

  34. Dale Gaus 16 March 2011 at 12:57 pm Permalink

    I followed this request and it got me know where! I have been trying to get my ex wife back for one year now! She has given all the signs that this site talks about but still no getting back together!

  35. Eric 17 March 2011 at 7:19 am Permalink

    Me and my ex were together for 4 years. we split up 7 months ago because i was confused witht he relationship and didnt understand the insecurities and haveing to be on my hip all the time. I loved her but was fighting myself to communicate and open up to her. We got back together a month and a half later after writing her a letter of how i felt. She said she never wants to be with anyone but me and wanted to be with me the rest of her life. We were back together for a month and a half and she told me she needed time to figure things and was thinking bout another guy. For the nest month we talked her and there. then the nest two months i backed off and while she was dating this other guy she would call or text me atleast 3 times a week bout how she was feeling but didnt know where she would end up. A month ago i deleted her on facebook because i couldnt handle the things she was posting and pictures of her with that guy. She got mad and called yelling bout it. Then a week later she got mad cause her sister told her that if she didnt know what she was gunna do she needed to stop playing mind games with me and she blew up at me again. I was very close to her family and they were calling me to see how i was doing. the last month i have not talked to her. For the last 3 months she would say many things that would be talking Bout US as she would say but yet didnt know what she wanted. I am very confused how it all just stops. I am sending her a letter like you say but i am wondering why it has all turned so fast. Any advice would be awesome

  36. want 17 March 2011 at 5:52 pm Permalink

    mine was a long distance relationshp for 1 and a half years. we broke
    up 5 wks ago n i fought the breakup wit cals n constant chats. i
    finally accepted it a wk later when he said he was sure that he wanted the breakup,that it was the right thing to do. i therefore wrote him a goodbye letter for closure, it was really long and nostalgic. i still want him back because i believe he
    is the one. how do i go about it especially since i said goodbye and
    told him we cant b friends until i am over him. urgently help me
    before it is too late. i am in east Africa ,is there a book i can get here since i am unable to buy the ones online? i’d reallly like to have yours!!!!!!!!

  37. Laura 21 March 2011 at 12:22 pm Permalink

    i was in a 3 year relationship.. and we had had on and off’s but always short. he always had trouble trusting me, and i had trouble trusting him, in fact i could never trust him. if he went away with his family i would worry about “what if meets someone else” , ” what if he stops liking me since he’s over there” and we were arguing alot lately because i wanted to spend time with him, and he wrestles. he’s devoted to that sport. so he ended things by saying ” let’s take a break ” .. he tries to ignore me sometimes, then when he see’s me not caring, he tries talking to me. ugh.. i love him and i really do want him back. i’m trying this, WISH ME LUCK.

  38. Joey 22 March 2011 at 5:02 am Permalink

    OK so I want to try this, but am a little skeptical. I guess I should tell you my situation first. Me and my ex got together about 2 years ago. She had just gotten through a divorce so I guess I was suppossed to be the rebound guy, but instead we got serious. After our first year together we were contemplating getting married and then she went to afghanistan. So while she was there I sent her moultiple packages, took care of her car, made sure she had an aparment ready for her when she got back, and we kept in contact. When she got back things have been different. She says that she hasn’t lived enough of her life and wants to be friends, but also doesn’t want to lose me forever. She is conctantly wanting to hang out and we have sex every now and then, but when she thinks we are getting too close she backs away again, but never for too long. Would this really work for me to keep her for good?

  39. amanda 22 March 2011 at 8:35 am Permalink

    ashley, please help me

    so its been 6 months scince he left, he just left said he needed space and all that stuff, later for me to find out he went round telling everyone that he told me he didnt love me, but he was telling me he loved me even on the day he broke up with me, my problem is, i tried no contact, it failed, we did eventually meet up, had an awesome day, and i felt like things were going to work, then he started to ignore me again, and i jsut went crazy, i text him saying i didnt get it and i dont understand why he did this, then he plain and simple jsut said, i dont think we should talk for a while, i got so upset i deleted his facebook from mine, and i now havent heard from him in atleast 1 month, i am so broken, i know this sounds crazy, but i know he is the one, i have known this guy scince i was 11 always had a thing for him and it finally got seriious 3 years ago, i cant just let him go now, he is and always will be all i ever want! i have tried the not talking to him, the going out and having fun, i am just all burnt out, do u really think i still have any hope? i am not one to ever be in denial, but this time i just dont believe that he means that he doesnt love me, i cant explain why

    please help me?

    • Rene 19 May 2011 at 1:23 am Permalink

      i have a same case with u..i don’t know what to do when i broke up with him.i just know what should i do, like no contact, after i broke up for 3 months..now i don’t contact my ex. i don’t know it still work or not :(

  40. Brooklyn 29 March 2011 at 4:22 pm Permalink

    It worked!

  41. nick 31 March 2011 at 1:09 pm Permalink

    My ex broke up with me a few days ago. Two weeks after i forgave her for making out with another girl while drunk (and yes that bothers me). she said that she felt more like friends with benefits than a couple, and she still loves me but not in that way. she then went on to say that shes started to have feelings for another guy shes had classes with for a few years now. she double wammied me, but i still love her, and want her back. she goes to a private school, she’s so smart, while i go to a community college. at first i got emotional but i’ve smoothed things out these last few days, but i’m not sure where to go from her, i want her back i’ve had several gf’s but she’s been the best gf and the best influence in my life. how do i get her back? how do i get her to chase after me? plz help me ashley, i’m pretty desperate at thispoint

  42. DEE 15 April 2011 at 2:04 am Permalink

    Hi my name is Dee me and my girlfriend broke up about a week ago.. We had a year together and she has a son who i love very much. We where like a family. I hate to lose her but she is so stubborn.. The reason we broke up is because she said i complian to much and a i did some bogus stuff mind u i didnt ever cheat on her. I did give her some space it feels like a considering we always use to text each other everyday. I know she is pissed at me i was wondering what should i do? I do love her very much also she says that she has mixed feelings for me. How can u have mixed feelings after a week of breaking up.. But before that week we broke she use to say i love u.. But i need help asap..!!!! I want her back i know i can do this.. Should i try the method above? Also i dont want to wait before its to late. Or another guy tries to approach her and take my spot.

    • Leon 22 April 2011 at 6:40 pm Permalink

      You can try telling her how much you love her son and her. Try to stick around but most importantly don’t push her to go back with you too quickly its only going to make her run even faster. I just recently got out of a relationship, same situation as you. 4 years relationship broke up over something not relating to cheating. She said she didn’t love me anymore after 4 days of the break up. I chased and chased and she said i was pathetic/weak/blah blah blah. Anyways i then ignored her and she seems to be trying to contact me and at the moment I’m not sure what i should do but at least i can sense the fact that she’s missing me and wanting me back. It was the hardest thing to ignore her but i did it. Ignore but show her you still care maybe take awhile to respond to her text/call and dont be mean just act like you dont love her either. Women try to ask for break up because they are trying to look for more promises.

  43. Conor 19 April 2011 at 6:52 am Permalink

    Hi I’ve recently broke up with my gf after 6 months and it must be said it came out of nowhere ,for instance the week before it happened she said I was special and 3 days before it happened said I was the only one she wanted to be with ! I’m lost and confused and I’ve cutting all contact and said she would have to contact me when she sees things or wants to make an effort to talk to me . Did I do the right thing and will she contact me ?

  44. Sintia 24 April 2011 at 4:59 am Permalink

    Hi, my name is Cynthia. Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up about a month ago. He says that he broke up with me because we fight too much and there was never a happy moment only sad times. I know we fought a lot but they were always little things, nothing serious. Well I’ve been trying this “No Contact” rule for a week and a half now. Out of that time he has contacted me about 3-4 times. He also talks to my sister a lot and has asks her how am I and where am I. We recently saw each other when he surprisingly asked to come over to my house. Well of course I accepted but I tried not to sound to eager. So he comes over and it was great. We talked about everything, laughed and he would tease me like old times. We decide to take a small walk to the park and we end up on the playground. I know it was childish but then again he asked me if we could go there. So we play around and he put his arm around me a couple of times. He would playfully touch me like he always used to. There were a couple of times when he would intentionally put himself in the position where we would be really close. He would pick me up and put me up close to his face. In one of these instances he squeezed me tight and I laughed and looked up at him and he started kissing me. I go with it even though i told myself it shouldn’t be happening. I pulled away after a second and said “Sorry”. It gets awkward and he says sorry too and we continue talking. Well once again he does the same thing, as he is laying down he grabs me and pushes me ON him. He starts trying to kiss me again and I once again go with it. I get off and he says “Sorry, I hate doing that.” We sit down to talk and he starts asking me “How have you been?” ,”How are you?”, “Are you okay with the breakup now?”,”What are you doing differently in your life?”, and “Are you seeing anyone?”. I answer all of his questions positively and with big smile on my face as if everything in the world is perfect. (OF COURSE IT’S NOT.) He mentions that he isn’t seeing anyone either and that he doesn’t want to have a girlfriend period. I listen to him intently and agree with what he says and stuff. So the topic turns over to our breakup. He starts to cry. I ask him what is wrong and he says nothing. I ask him again and he finally says that he is NOT over the breakup. I ask him why and he says “I don’t know, it has been a month and I can’t get the image of our breakup that night out of my head.” I tell him that he should because it was technically his idea to separate. He continues crying for a while and he says that he can’t just forget 2 years that we spent together. I immediately reply by saying that he has to because obviously those 2 years weren’t happy ones for him at all. It came out because I was very angry with everything he kept telling me. He looks at me all mean for a while and finally says “Okay. I then ask him if there is any chance that we might ever get back together and he said “I don’t know.” I ask him if he has any feelings for me and he says “I don’t know.” I am very confused once again with everything he said. I don’t understand him! One minute he is trying to kiss me the next he is saying that he doesn’t know if he has any feelings for me?! Through out all of this he tells me that he is so confused and he doesn’t know what he wants. This all happened Wednesday night and it is now Saturday. He hasn’t texted me or tried to contact me. I don’t know if I did wrong by telling him to move on with life. He agreed with me…So here’s the bad part. My Senior prom is coming up and guess who I’m going with. HIM. I don’t know what to do…should I keep the whole “friend” outlook for now and act like I am not interested in him anymore? Or should I take prom night as an opportunity to reconcile with him? Please someone help me…

  45. Rene 19 May 2011 at 1:32 am Permalink

    is no contact still work if you have broke up for 3 months????i never met my ex again

  46. Luke 12 June 2011 at 11:55 pm Permalink

    i havent been with my girlfriend for months and i made terrible mistakes by saying i love her lots of times but i still belive that this will work the letter will blow her mind in want trust me coz i know her like the back of my hand because we were together for so long it will work im writing the letter now

  47. Bon 17 June 2011 at 9:15 am Permalink

    My fiance and I split 3 months ago. She ended up with another guy and told me about it. I still don’t know why we split and we haven’t talked on the phone at all just text and email. She has sent texts previously asking what happened to us and then it ends in some lame excuse that makes no sense. I have been doing all of the psychological things up to this point and they have seemed to work sporatically but just generating texts and emails back and forth. A couple of weeks before memorial day we were playing all day texting back and forth. She had asked me a question which I delayed response to until that night and she told me not to call her because she was with the other guy. I said a couple of things and then apologized for intruding. The next night she texts and asks if I want to get together to talk. I said sure and asked what was on her mind. She freaked out a bit and said just to talk. I delayed my response again and then said sure. She blew it off for a week and did we did not communicate until memorial day weekend which our wedding day was to be the Saturday before. She sent me a text letting me know she knew what day it was and that she could never forget. I ignored it for a couple of days and sent her a message just saying something to the effect of hope you had a nice weekend and all is well. The following day she sends me a message indicating that she was thinking about me all weekend and thinks about me other times as well. I let her know that I was thinking about her too and asked if she wanted to get together. She jumped all over that and said yes but left the day and time at maybe this day or that day. Later in the week she sent me a text saying may Monday and I said sure just let me know what time she was available. The next night she tells me she’s sitting with a girlfriend chatting and asked again about Monday. I said okay but Sunday might be better. She committed to call me the next morning to let me know. She never called. I sent a txt and a couple of emails and then let her know that I couldn’t have her in my life if she was only going to think about herself. Meanwhile I also find out that she is active on a popular dating website. I have left it at that. I don’t know what the deal is and why she didn’t call. I may have put her in a box now is what I am worried about because I said I couldn’t have her bringing me down, always playing the field which is what she appears to be doing now, and just not being the person I knew. I have ceased communication at this point again.
    Any suggestions for next steps. I am lost she tried twice to get together and then something must have happened. I have no idea what.

    • Ren 19 August 2012 at 4:16 pm Permalink

      I think you did the right thing drawing the line with her. It didn’t sound unreasonable or mean, it said “look, I love and respect myself enough to expect to be treated better”. No one should be handled like that, as an option, when it’s convenient for a person who is obviously behaving in a selfish way. It sounds like a person who is avoiding addressing some internal emotional issues. If she were mature enough/ready to take a serious look at what she wants in life and personal changes that may be necessary, she might be in a place to make some changes to avoid losing you. But it sounds as though she is just avoiding the matter completely.
      I’m getting over someone myself, so it’s hard to say (and hear) “you can do better, you should move on”, but there are so many good people in the world. Why waste time with someone to whom you have to prove your value?

      *goes back to nursing my own wounds and trying to squash hope that he’ll come to his senses*

  48. Nick S. 18 June 2011 at 5:35 am Permalink

    hey im not sure about my situation. had been with my ex for 2 years. i had lied and told her i cheated to see her reaction if she would still be here for me becasue she had cheated in the past. she kissed this kid 3 occasions and i told her i just made out with the girl. my ex was hurt but we were still together. we argued and i kept taking breaks with her. on the night of the last break she went out with friends from work, drank , and kissed another kid. she lied and told me she was taking people home. so the next day i kept askeing her what really happened and she told me that truth and told me she cant be with me anymore shes hurt that i tested our love and i should just leave her alone. i left her alone for 2 days she called me teling me she misses me and she loves me and i should pelase understand. then later that day hse though i was fucking other girls befcause she saw facebook pictures of me having a good time with my best friend. so then we agreed to worth things out. point blank she said she would call me in the morning and everynight adn text me during the day. she never follows up on it so i stoped talking to her for a few days. i think she tried to make me jelous by putting a new facebook picture adn posting a katy perry song about summer to get me more jelous. mind we are not friends on facebook anymore. so then i called her and said whats up. she asked why i called and i said to tell her sorry for the way i had been acting because i had not returned any of her calls. this was in the morning when i called and we talked a little and we both agreed we are going to work this out. she said she would call me that night when she got off work. i waited till one am and i left her a voicemail telling her that i cant put my best foot forward if shes not going to honer her commitment in calling me. i let her know that i dont think its ok for her to play with my feelings that way and i just let it be. not its 2pm the next day still no reply or anything from her or explaination. what should i do? should i continue no contact? what if she contacts me should i pick up or what should i say? because she tells my friends that i was perfect but right now i guess that she feels she has me in her hands so she can do whate4ver. im tired of the hot and cold and im tired of the shifting of power, times i have hte power times ishe has it . i want to be in permanent controll. somebody please help

    • yvonne 10 August 2011 at 4:49 am Permalink

      There’s no way you will ever be fully in control. When you’re in a relationship, the power shifts from one person to the other.

  49. Don Ambundsen 18 June 2011 at 6:21 pm Permalink

    Cool videos, great job.

  50. nichole 22 June 2011 at 10:24 am Permalink

    So I broke up with my boyfriend 9 months ago we dated for almost fours, we are on talking turms, but he only talks to me when I txt him or call him how can I get him to call or txt me I put it out there I said maybe txt me tomorrow and he ignores it or txt to morrow somewhere around thoughs line. We have hung out had a great time he give me signs that he stll cares and stuff and he flirts a little, like ill ask to come over and his ok with it but he never ask for me to come over his self . but sometime he keeps his distance what should I do? I just don want to say or do something i regret because it took me forever to get him to talk to me.

  51. Elizabeth 30 June 2011 at 1:24 pm Permalink

    Just sent this as an email instead of a letter. Does this really work? Should I expect results or the same silence it has been after doing this?

  52. Anon 1 July 2011 at 11:58 am Permalink

    So i broke up with mine. Right now i am with the ‘no-contact’ rule, and still keeping the distance, but somehow along the line (just to drop an email to see how things [keeping at that acquaintance level]). When is a good time to do this?

  53. Yvette 8 July 2011 at 2:38 am Permalink

    My boyfriend and i broke up about two months ago and i did tell him I’m seeing someone new but he knows i don’t like him. I told him i still wanted to be friends with him so we’ve been texting but he’s been sending me rude texts accusing me of doing things he knows i would never do. He told a mutual friend of ours that our relationship wasn’t serious and that he never truly loved me but i don’t know if to believe him or not. We were together for three years. He swore he loved me and he was the one who came after me. We were planning on getting married as soon as we graduated from college and i don’t know what happened. I want him back. I begged him for the first couple of weeks then just gave up and decided to make him jealous instead. I’ve loved him since high school. I don’t want to lose him.

    • Scott 18 July 2011 at 5:52 pm Permalink

      Well you should explain to him everything the truth and if he truly loves you and cares he will do anything for you. I was with the most amazing girl for two and half years. After two years i proposed to her knowing without her I couldn’t make it. She was the one. Well she left me one morning. Came back from my buddy’s where i used his computer to search for a job. That day she planned a great dinner for us because I worked the opposite shift of her she stopped cooking. So I was constantly complaining about it. Conviently I had made plan with a buddy and asked her to move it to the next night. Well after my buddy bailed I was at my other buddys sending resume’s to god knows how many potential employers. Came back at six in the morning and she said she couldn’t do it anymore…..I snapped because I for the past couple weeks actively seeked work and still was on my old work sleeping schedule. Saw her more but not enough. Being hurt and hard headed I left for a couple hours. Came home calmed down hoping to fix us. She actually had all her possesions even the bed moved out. She wanted to talk still. I was so angry that she actually moved out that fast and everything gone I didn’t truly say what I wanted to. She begged me crying to ask her to stay and with a straight bitter face told her no. She left just as upset as when her dad passed. I cried for an hour almost instantly once she closed the door. The point here is be honest and true and anything meant to be will be. I’ve been trying for months to get her back even after finding out she cheated almost a year into our relationship, planned her ex to come to the area a month before us splitting, and she decieved me and currently with a friend of mine from middle school who recently moved to the area again. The guy even told me he wasn’t trying to interfer with our rekindling of our relationship. I know it won’t work but there’s not a day I don’t think about her. Literally lost my job, apt, and fiancee in a week and half. Made me see what was truly important. Fuck money and making yourself looking good stick to your morals. If you try your best and they still shoot you down constantly they don’t deserve you. Take my experience and do what you can. At least you know you gave your best! Just don’t be to late. I hope everything goes well for you.

  54. Lola 4 August 2011 at 2:06 am Permalink

    My Ex boyfriend dumped me two days ago, which was quite convenient as he was going on holiday a few days later for a month with his friends. We were together for a year and he knows that I love him.. He kept saying that he couldn’t do it anymore because he didn’t feel the same way and that things would be different if he loved me. He said that he didn’t want to be in a relationship but doesn’t mind seeing me and wants to keep in touch to check up on me sometimes to make sure that i’m okay….. this is the worst feeling in the world as I know I have never felt this way about anyone before. He asked me if he could call me before he went on holiday so we spoke and I stupidly asked him if he was sure about his decision and he said that he meant it and hasn’t changed his mind, I then said I just want you to be happy and he said you will soon be too, he then said that he would speak to me when he gets back from holiday. I then sent him a message later saying that I would never forget him and he replied with “me too”. ….. After reading this article I am going to follow the advice and hope that it will hopefully make him re-think his decision! Wish me luck, really don’t want to lose him.

  55. Scott 9 August 2011 at 3:45 pm Permalink

    My ex and I Hung out recently and I noticed and told her I knew she is unhappy with her boyfriend and she regrets leaving me. Been talking a little here and thee. However I didn’t get my hopes up and am realizing she isn’t what I remember as a person or that attraction. She is still beautiful but the spark is dying. Don’t read into it to much and have a little contact so he will be lost to how your doing. It’s been a hell of a year lost a good job, fiancee, apartment, truck, and now I’m headed to Wisconsin to my big brothers funeral. Just keep your head up don’t let him get the best of you truthfully he doesn’t deserve you neither does my ex. Unfortunately The heart wants what it wants. Sooner or later he will.see what he had.and lost. For.his sake hopefully its before you lose all feelings for him. It can and will be alright hope it works out you.

  56. tiny 12 August 2011 at 1:48 am Permalink

    He wanted a break and I didn’t want to lose him. I’ve done the needy pathetic emailing on and off for nearly three weeks, is it too late to implement any of this ?

  57. Mia 14 August 2011 at 11:21 pm Permalink

    My husband ended it 9 months ago and I have constantly been chasing him, ringing, texting and he has always said it’s over and has asked me to move on. I really love him and desperately want him back. I cannot move on. As far as I believe, he is not seeing anyone. He hasn’t issued any divorce papers. He has only moved out and is living with relatives.

    He takes my calls etc. But he keeps saying it’s over and he is not interested in me any more.

    I tried the No contact thing for 2 months but he never called so I resumed texting, ringing everyday.

    Now he has all the power in the relationship and he knows that I am not going anywhere as I’ve pleaded and begged him to come back. He is so good at hiding his feelings so I don’t know what he is thinking.

    Is it really too late for me? If he really wanted to end it he would have issued divorce papers by now right? What can I do…

    • Ask me 26 October 2011 at 11:21 am Permalink

      if you want someone to understand what you mean, ask me. It if the hardest thing one can ever across. You might spend months and months crying over memories.

      read my question here: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Am5Dw_s_IZatMnQotWg3gk3sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20111023160413AALFL8D

      the only way is to move on now, how? This is the question. Try to meet new guys, they wont be as you want for sure, but thats the only way. Spice up your self, get sexy and hot. If you don’t have a problem sleeping with guys, then do and try many till you feel satisfied.

      Improving your self and filling your time is the only way to get over it. Time alone will make you get over. Try not to contact him again. YES i made desperate measures so I dont contact my ex. when ever you feel on the edge of contacting him again, call a close friend and invite her over. Make your self busy with every mean possible. Stay with friends, dont be alone. Don’t stay at night and sleep early. The night will make you think when its all quite,

      wish you luck.. :)

  58. Justina 29 August 2011 at 6:02 am Permalink

    Hey my name is Justina & I’m 18 & my ex is 21.we have been broke up for alot a year now & only dated for like almost two months & we were sooooo perfect then he unexpectldly ended it! We remained friends & eventually mensaje friends with benefits. I had to leave for college which is 3 hours away. do you think we could ever get back together? I think he didnt want am relationship becuz he got out of a bad one with his ex the months before we started talking & they had been together for 4 years i think he didnt want top get hurt but idk??? HELP!!

    • lin 30 August 2011 at 10:46 am Permalink

      no ofense but you’re an idiot. its not that he was afraid of being hurt its just that he wasnt interested in you. you were probably just his rebound girl and all he wanted was to screw you and you made it easy. my advise is to move on. your in college i’m sure you’ll find someone better suited. no girl deserves to be used an i’m afraid that thats what was happening with you. move on, you deserve better than him.

  59. johanna 30 August 2011 at 6:48 pm Permalink

    Husband left me and told me to move on yet hes trying to add me constantly through fake facebook fake accounts , I blocked him on his personal account, he even add my family why?

    • kimberly graham 12 September 2011 at 2:19 am Permalink

      may be he still might miss you so he adds your family to hid is true feelings about you

  60. move on or hope 9 September 2011 at 2:43 pm Permalink

    can somebody help me.. we’ve been broke up for a 10 days now. i emailed her last tuesday, saying that “i was shocked about the break up & we’ll just talk about what is good for both of us when i got back there this dec. for now i’ll give your space & i’ll fix myself also.” she did not reply back. we are in a long distance relationship. should i email her again saying that i respect her decision? by the way, she did this to me 3 times already & i always beg for her..i also deleted my facebook & my mom will get my stuff back from her house next week..

  61. alister 25 September 2011 at 11:34 pm Permalink

    Hey, my girlfriend of one year and two months broke up with me threeweeks ago. She was from moscow and I am from London so we had a long distance relationship. We saw each other quiet a lot and I went to Moscow three times, took her on holiday to Turkey in Feb and now recently she was living with me in London for a month and a half before going back to Moscow. During this time I also took her to Bali. We were very happy while she was in London and continued to talk per normal over blackberry messenger like we had been doing for most of the year. Two weeks went by while she was in Moscow and then all of a sudden she started getting cold and acting distant. I asked her three days later what was up and she said her feelings for me were not as strong as my feelings for her and she didn’t want to continue. I was shocked and called her and was quiet upset. However the next morning I asked her to chat via video skype like we had been doing pretty much in the past. I asked if she would reconsider her decision and she was crying a lot and said she doesn’t know how she feels. I was very calm and told her not to cry and that if anyone should be upset it should be me. I said I didn’t agree with her decision but would respect it.She knew I had an interview for an important job but she didn’t even text me to see how it was going.

    I loved this girl and am heartbroken at how cold she can be. I txt her a few days back to see if she wanted to give it another go and said she was confused and didn’t want to think about it (txting her I know wasn’t a good idea) and she replied and she asked how my mum was (dad passed away in 2010) and then just went cold and the convo ended abruptly. I find this all strange as she was the one who used to instigate conversations about marriage and kids and how she would move to London next year once she finished her studies. Her two good friends are going out with english guys and are moving to london to be with them permanently and I am just gutted and in a very bad place now. My job is tough and I am getting on with it but have started drinking on the weekends quiet a lot. I spoke to her on skype like ten days ago, another stupid move on my part as I instigated it. She said she realises after not having spoken to me for sometime that she is happy like this with her family, friends and other stuff in moscow. She said she does miss our convos sometimes but thats it.

    She seems so freaking cold she has just changed her pic on blackberry messenger to the one I took of her when we on holiday together in Bali on the beach. I don’t understand this and I am so gutted and hurt. She still has our pics on facebook and it says in a relationship but I just think she’s just got that up co sit doesn’t bother her. I have got so many memories in my flat and her being here and it makes me sick.

    I would appreciate any advise. Many thanks

  62. brandy 12 October 2011 at 12:41 pm Permalink

    now i have tried every tatic there is to getting my ex back, now we still talk but it’s just a simple text concerned about what im doing…. but it short and then the convo ends!!! like i’ve done the no contact rule and followed what to say if he text but when i asked him if we could meet up i had something very exciting to tell him and would love to tell him in person, he replied that he had plans and that he was going hunting , that he wasn’t gonna put his life on hold for me!!! now that hurt pretty bad in fact i cried a lil bit.. so i replied i wasnt mad and that he has never put his life on hold for me ever and all i felt i was a rebound because he had just broken up with his GF 3 weeks prior to getting with me!!!! But however we was together 3 years ago and i hurt him pretty bad because i was scared of being hurt again, so i dunno i fell for him 3 years ago and i fell even harder this time around and he has said some pretty mean things to me and i still keep trying, my heart is so broken by all this and i really need some advice on getting him back and taking it back to the way things used to be!!!! it’s not the hurt of rejection i feel like i have lost my heart an soul he accepted me at all cost…. i dont want to get back with him for pay back i only want him…. please help if you can give me any advice it would be much appreciated thank you!!!

  63. E.B 13 October 2011 at 10:11 pm Permalink

    I’ve just broke up with my boyfriend.. Now it’s been a week .. He said that were good as a friend, but then he still contact me and asked me whether I’m good or not, what i’m doing.. and every after he finished his work from office, he will notice me… at the first place, i have begging for him to get back with me, but he said ” as a friend pliss ! ”.. I’m so fucked up.. then i changed my number, . i didnt contact him for 2 days, . then i bought new number, . he asked my new no from my housemate.. then we contact again.. but then i being cold to him . . and now he asked me if I’m free for a movie on saturday .. I didn’t confirm him yet,, but i want him back … what should I do… should say yes for the movie ??? or say ” maybe next time . ”
    I’m so confused . I really want him back :(

  64. trish 14 October 2011 at 9:56 pm Permalink

    my ex left me 4 days ago and i love him more then life … we have been on for 6 months then off for 3 months for about 2 years and its only because every 6months i come home and he is just gone … without a txt or note then i move on and he comes crawling back … each time he comes back our relationship is better … but this time he split up with me because “he loves me to much but i dont get along with his friends” and he said we should just be friends … he still txts me like an old mate and asks me if im going to places (even gives me a hug if i asked) what does this mean? is he keeping me hanging till he finds the right person or till he works out he’s made the right choice … will this method work in this situation because hes the kind of person that wants what he cant have but WONT ask or beg for it either… please please please help my lonely broken heart :(

  65. Tim 16 October 2011 at 11:17 pm Permalink

    I have been broken up with my girlfriend for 8 months now. When she broke up with me she said she still loved me but it wasn’t working (quite frankly i was a mess and she felt like she was mothering me). I have been aware of the no contact but have not yet been able to do it for longer then a week, i always seem to msg her something.

    I know she has feelings for me still, i do find out things about her because we met through mutual friends. In the past when i have messaged her for us to catch up she would reply with ‘i dont think its a good idea’ saying she doesnt want to give me the wrong impression. I personally think she hides behind that because it puts her in a higher position, (i say this because we had broken up previously, she was saying the same thing, we eventually got back together and it surfaced she was telling her best friend she still loved me the whole time). Anyway recently I lied to her saying I was fine with us breaking up and wanted to catch up as friends, she said yes and so we did for a month. During this month we became intimate again and it was like the old days, but nothing was mentioned in regards to feelings because i was scared i would scare her off. The one thing she was saying was she was scared because she didnt want to become attatched to someone because she was planning on a long holiday (1 year overseas).

    I didnt think she was going to do it. But one morning she rang me up saying she had booked her flights, she leaves in 3 months. I broke down confessed my love to her and said its too hard for me to see her, she replied with ‘ok’. So now its back to square one, I know she still really loves me, she leaves in 3 months what do I do? I would be willing to wait for her, but i don’t think that would be the smart thing to say…. Its a hard one because im on a time schedule. I would be so thankful for some advice

    • Ashley Kay 17 October 2011 at 9:25 am Permalink

      Go NC and regain your emotional control. You need to prepare yourself for the long year she’ll be away anyway. It’s better not to talk too much about it. Just be cool about it and excited for her. I’m sure she is excited.

      • Tim 18 October 2011 at 2:14 pm Permalink

        Thanks, do you think I should just go no contact for a while before I send the letter, because Im thinking if I were to write the letter at this stage it may not seem believable as I have just stopped talking to her recently (telling her i still love her). maybe wait a few weeks and then send it, or maybe the letter wont work in this circumstance?

  66. Lydia 19 October 2011 at 8:23 am Permalink

    I broke up with my ex 6 months ago, i still love him very much. on saturday night i phoned him. he phoned back we chatted it felt very natural as if nothing had ever happened, i text him the next day to meet up he phoned me that night, said he had a new job and was nightshift so had been sleeping all day and was now going out to work. then he came off the fone, i text him to say would you like to meet up next sat – go a night out together? he never replied so tonight (tuesday) ive text him “i’m sorry that was silly of my and i was a little tipsy after sunday dinner. i’m happy we have both moved on and i feel now months on i’ve finally accepted the breakup and ive been getting on with my life and have a lot of good things happening so to go back in time wasn’t what i wanted but i do miss your company sometimes, anyway i’m pleased you have a new job and wish you all the best. xxx” wat do you think? epic fail???

    • Murph 25 October 2011 at 12:36 am Permalink

      Hi Lydia , that actually sounds like a very sweet text to me . I might have left out the xxx at the end , but its not that big of a deal . Nice text . I dont know how this guy feels about you , but I can say as a man , if my ex sent me that and I had any feeling of reconciling I would not be able to resist that . Hope it works out they way you wish . Cheers .

  67. Cheekers 19 October 2011 at 1:03 pm Permalink

    Okay so me and my ex have been broken up for about four months. And weve been off and on the past two years. Me being the one who broke up the two times we broke up. And he never gave up on being with being with me. He would do everything he could to spend time whenever he was in town. He is in the air force. And he just came in town about alittle over a month ago, and was trying to hang out with me like everyday. But I didn’t because I was just being a bitch. So then he goes back to his base and now all of a sudden he has a girlfriend, who by the way is not even that pretty, but he called me the other day after days of me asking him to, and he told me that when he was home he still wanted to be with me and I told him I still loved him. But he is choosing to be with her because she’s with him and he can see her everyday. Basically the only reason he won’t be with me again is because he can’t see me. And he’s afraid to let this girl go because she does make him happy, to be with me and me play a game with him again. But I made him so much happier than this girl. So idk what to do? And how to get him back? I need him in my life!

  68. Kris 19 October 2011 at 5:08 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley, I bought your breakup guide books a couple of months ago. My ex left me in early january for another girl (we were together for five years). I let him go, then about a couple weeks later I started freaking out because I knew he was really leaving this time. We drifted apart the last couple of months, the relationship was long distance. Anyway I was extremely emotionally psychotic in my mind, trying to do everything to break them up.

    I guess that made their relationship stronger, but he told me a couple months ago when we spoke for a few weeks she has trust issues. They broke up for a bit and he contacted me, telling me all the things he hates about her. I then proceeded to tell him to tell her what he told me about her being “spoiled, bitchy, clingy, ect” after they got back together, or i’d do it myself.

    They eventually broke up again, he apologized for lying to me and for what happened in our relationship. The next day he did a 360 telling me we couldn’t talk anymore because i’d try to ruin their relationship. Which at the time was true. I’m stuck, I did no contact for 2 and a half months, broke it with the constructed ‘call me’ short letter. I got no response, and started to get mad after no response after a couple days.. so I kept writing about 5 texts and a facebook message :/, the last thing I said was “nevermind don’t call me, you’re obviously not over it” It just frustrates me, they’ve been together for ten months now and I feel like with every passing month he’s forgetting me. I don’t know if I should try in another couple of months, or text something else to say call me since I gave totally mixed messages. PLEASE HELP. Thank you. <3

    • Ashley Kay 21 October 2011 at 12:11 pm Permalink

      I think you need to review the ERS. Nowhere in there does it talk about messing with your ex’s relationship in the hope that they will split up. Doing so… like you said will only make their relationship stronger. It also doesn’t talk about continuing to contact him after he stops contacting you. I know you want them to split up, but that decision has to come from him – not from you persuading him into it. If he and she even suspects that, then as soon as they realize it. They’ll get back together again and you’ll be shut out. The point is. It needs to be HIS idea to contact you and want to split up with her. He probably would have done that by himself already if you didn’t meddle too much into their relationship. Leave them alone. If you’re going to do anything, be supportive to him. Avoiding talking about her. And never ever badmouth her to him.

  69. john 21 October 2011 at 2:49 pm Permalink

    Dear Ashley,

    My girlfriend broke up with me almost two months ago after a year and a half of officially being together. I know the reason that she left is because I had gotten really lazy and boring over the summer and the excitement in our relationship had fizzled. She started dating another guy almost immediately and has claimed that he played a big role in her decision to break up with me. We talked almost every day for about the first month and a half of the breakup and even hung out a handful of times. However, over the past two weeks she will not respond to me at all only saying that she feels that it’s better if we don’t talk and that it feels different with this new guy and that she’s happy. While I know I made many mistakes while talking to her by begging and pleading even after a month, I really hope that there’s some way to get her back. I sent her an email/Facebook message based on your simple psychological trigger and sent her a text the next day asking if she had gotten it because her email/Facebook messes up sometimes with messages and she replied “I got it. Haven’t had time to respond.” She has told one of our mutual friends that she misses me and has a hard time not talking to me but she feels like it’s what she needs to do, but I can’t help but feeling that she’s gone forever and that I have not only lost my girlfriend but also the best friend I’ve ever had. How should I proceed from here? Is she gone forever or do you think there’s still hope?

  70. heartbroken66 22 October 2011 at 4:37 am Permalink

    OK how long should the NO CONTACT go on? I sent the letter over a week ago and have not texted since. I sent an email accidentally a week ago but immediately stated it was an error-it really was. I have still not sent the accidental text…was going to wait a few weeks at least so it comes as a shock to hear from me.
    The Facebook thing will not work in this case. He is not my fb friend and I cannot add him now, as things stand.
    I am thinking the longer the no contact the better..

    • Ashley Kay 24 October 2011 at 8:57 am Permalink

      You have it right. Ideally you need to stay in No Contact until your ex contacts you. If you have sent the letter then you just need to be patient.

  71. Tony 23 October 2011 at 5:26 am Permalink

    Hey, what if I broke up with my girlfriend or well no ex I guess? Anyways what if I was the who broke up with her and it was because she never told me why she never texted me back or like call me for 3days and I never knew why! She never told me why! All she told me was I broke her heart</3 , but how like I never did anything wrong I even checked to see if I said or did anything wrong but it was nothing I checked through my messages, Facebook, etc. And there was nothing I did wrong so like I'm freaking confused cause I don't even know what I did wrong:(. I really love her a lot I really I miss her, I care about her, and like she was apart of my life and yeah that might made me sound all upsets with her but you know what I mean! . I've tried my best to get her back , I've changed I guess I don't know what I was doing wrong but Ive changed, I've text her every single day and she never replys, I try to talk to her on Facebook by saying hey:) or goodmorning(: and She just removes my comments, like what's up with that? Like after the break up she said "I'm happy we still can be close friends:) " and I said " yeah:) Me too!:)" but like it doesn't even seem like were not even friends or close Friends, and I just Want to know is there anyway you know that is causing her to be like this just please I need to know for I can atleast know my mistakes and fix them:) thanks:)

  72. Dawn 23 October 2011 at 12:32 pm Permalink

    I love my ex boyfriend so much and recently I found out I was pregnant and was too scared to tell him myself. We broke up not more than about 4 days ago but it hurts..I had my best friend tell him that I was pregnant and other friends acted on their own and talked to him about how much I miss him as well. After reading some of the stuff you wrote I decided to give it a try and stop talking to him but everyone wants me to let him know I still care. We haven’t talked in about 3-4 days but I did send him a text last night telling him I’m sorry for not replying and that my younger sister had my texts block but I never got a reply. He accepted my friend request on facebook today but still no text. One of my friends did tell me that he asked when was the last time they talked to me and told them that he wanted us to just be friends but I need him in my life..I don’t want to have this baby on my own. I know what it’s like to not have a father and I don’t want OUR baby to go through the same. I don’t know what to do. I have several break downs a day just when I think of him..and the other day his “best friend” came onto me and said that I kissed him after I told him countless times I was going through a bad break up. I want to tell my ex what happened but I’m scared he won’t even reply or turn the tables and take his friend’s side. We never had any problems during our relationship we just got into a bad argument..but I don’t know if we’re over or actually taking a break. I’m scared that he’s going to move on and leave me alone with our child..although he said so himself if I ever got pregnant he would man up and take care of the baby and myself. But I still don’t know what to do. I want to talk to him so badly it hurts. Help?

  73. forever be mine 23 October 2011 at 3:51 pm Permalink

    okayy i really need HELP and ADVICE!! soo i have been dating this one boy who is two years older than me since my freshman year in high school. We were together for three years just about and our anniversary is on christmas… and thats right around the cornor.. i don’t know what to do! he broke up with me on valentines day and we still talked a little after but when i asked if he would come back he would say no im done and get all mad.. but before when he would get mad it’s because he was hurt so this confuses me. then he was suppose to come with me to me prom as he promised but ended up texting me the day of and saying he couldn’t come due to financial issues, when later that night i ran into him with a girl younger than me.. and they were all over each other, this broke my heart in smaller pieces that it’s harder to pick up! and he had a hotel room with all his friends and i know i shouldn’t say this but i wish he could be with me.. i love him so much and what makes it harder to move on is that his friends are my friends and he WAS my bestfriend whom i would turn to for advice and help for EVERYTHING. now that i don’t have him im confused and don’t know who to turn to. my family loves him as well and they miss him but i know he still keeps in contact with them on facebook.. so getting back to my story after prom night i found out he was dating her but recently she had moved to the mainland so i heard. also i heard that they broke up but they are still good friends. i don’t wanna accept the fact that i wish that could be me or picture him with another girl. i miss him so much and i love him, when we were together we would write notes to each other and yes we would argue and have broken up over the stupidest things but we have always gotten back together. in the letters in would write “it may seem like im over it and perfectly fine on the outside but in the inside he is hurting” how do i know if thats what hes doing now??? i know he loved me and he showed it well.. we have been through many obstacles that many wouldn’t even face this young. and we had big plans for us.. i just would like to know what to do and if this would work.. please help me..

  74. Amber 23 October 2011 at 4:44 pm Permalink

    I feel as if my situation is a little different, we had only been dating for less than 2 months when he broke it off saying that he was not ready for commitment or a relationship even though he liked me a lot. He has not dated anyone else in about two years (since high school). I could feel things fading out a little towards the end, we were spending very little time together and I felt like I was being put on the back burner and was often initiating contact or if he was free to hang out. I dont know that the relationship was given much of a chance, as we did not spend a good enough amount of time together to really get to know each other on a deeper level and feel established. I just feel like if his mindset changed we could have a shot at something good, but too long a time with no contact would mean he moved on and if it is too soon he may not have had the chance to mature emotionally to the point where he wanted to start dating again and actually be willing to put the time in. should your same guidelines still apply? we also live in the same apt complex so chances of occasionally running into him are quite likely.

    • niki 11 November 2011 at 8:50 pm Permalink

      OMG this is exactly my case too. my ex and i met the first day of college (august) and spent literally every single day after we met together. he asked me out after a month and we were great for that month. after that, he began pulling away and got high a lot more often than he used to and broke up with me 4 days ago. His reasons were that he didnt like the commitment anymore and likes to do what he wants, when he wants and not have to worry about texting me or seeing what im doing. Especially because he knows i hate when he gets high, so i think he felt kinda tied down, although i never once asked him to stop and always let him be with friends when he wanted to. i made sure to never overcrowd him or try to control him at all and he admits i did absolutely nothing wrong and that is just him not being able to focus on anything for a long time. We are both only 19 and he is still very immature and selfish. I hope these tactics work for us!

  75. Kris 24 October 2011 at 12:01 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley, I wrote the previous comment. The past couple days I’ve really been getting over my ex, I’m ready to start the whole single possibly dating process eventually . Out of the blue tonight my ex calls my phone while I’m out with friends, deleted him from my phone earlier that day but I knew it was his number. I answered, but the music was loud so I wasn’t sure if he said anything. Said hello about three times then he hung up. I texted him back saying “Why did you just call me? I’m done with you. Goodbye” 50 minutes later, he called again hanging up. I asked again why he was calling me, and he said “Don’t flatter yourself over a mistake. F*ck Off.” I thought it was pretty hostile… What does that even mean? I can see you making the mistake once, but twice within an hour just seems weird. Why does he even have my number still when he ignores me and acts like I don’t exist?? It’s just confusing me, I can’t sleep now because I keep wondering why… He treats me like dirt, and I know I deserve better. I’m just still deep down, hoping he’ll be the guy I loved for five years again one day, the one who used to love me too..Theres also the possibility he’ll never be who he used to be, and I’m accepting that. Please help me read into these weird mixed signals before I screw stuff up more lol. Thanks again!

  76. Murph 24 October 2011 at 2:19 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley . Im 2 months into no contact , and I dis agree with writing her a letter . Would that not push me back to 1 day no contact ? Its been a rough go to get this far , I would really hate to go backwards here . Am I not saying more by no contact than I could ever state in a letter ? Not to mention the waiting for a response would be terrible for me . Also, after 2 months , has she not moved on ? I dont think she gives a hoot what Im up to or has any curiosity at all about me . If she had , would she not have contacted me ? PS I am the dumpee in the situation . I just cant imagine that she cares one iota . The ignoring me has been devestating . To offer an olive branch and be ignored again would be too much . I don’t want to put myself in that situation . And heres the icing on the cake : I would be there in a second if she requested it . How lame is that !! But I would .

  77. Anon 24 October 2011 at 3:11 pm Permalink

    Hello Ashley, I would like to benefit from your input concerning whether or not reclaiming my relationship is an impossibility, at this point.

    We’ve been broken up for about three and a half months now, and we’ve had a very up and down relationship ever since. Throughout that time, I did the precise opposite of what I should have done by calling and texting her incessantly, harassing her with my emotional disclosure, projecting severe neediness and desperation, etc: I never gave her space, and I never gave her even a chance to miss me.

    Finally, today, following a recent bout of bothering her to spend time together, she said she needed space and time away from our friendship, and as per usual, I hounded her with questions and desperate expressions of affection, which only angered her further. Eventually, she said she’s incredibly unattracted to me, that I’ve compromised my dignity, I’m not acting as the person she once desired, and I might be able to reverse my lack of appeal to her in a matter of years, at best.

    Obviously, every set of circumstances is different, but in your view, is it too late to apply the time-tested techniques you outlined as a means of re-developing out relationship?

  78. Tony 24 October 2011 at 11:22 pm Permalink

    It’s working!:) I did what you told me to do Ive stop talking to her and acted if I moved on which I really didn’t, but I acted like it and now shes te texting me on the mornings(: and before nothing she never ever texted me back but now she is and thanks Ashely for making this awesome website!:)

  79. Rosa1 25 October 2011 at 12:02 pm Permalink

    Help! long story short…my boyfriend of 10 years ended things about 4 months ago…i know one of the reasons of the break- up had a lot to with lack of appreciation on my part…i did the whole begging crying calling texting the first month or so, he of course ignored me told me to move on etc…we never fully stopped all contact mostly because of me but in the last month it has been him contacting me of course i want him back so i was quick in responding & seeing him. i felt as though he was leading me on he was comfortable & quick in making moves that lead to sex, of course i take fault also because once again i was quick into thinking it would make things better again. a day later he told he didnt feel the same towards me that he tried to see if things would work but it was wasnt the same for him. he doesnt contact me & i dont contact him….its been a week since we last spoke how can i get him back????

  80. At a Loss 25 October 2011 at 12:54 pm Permalink

    I’m a week into No Contact after having “the Talk” with the guy I’d been dating for about 2 months. The talk consisted of me simply asking him where we stand and how we were going to progress – stay casual or open it up for something more – either of which I was fine with. Things had been really busy and stressful for both of us lately and we hadn’t seen a lot of each other. He freaked, said it was too much, he wasn’t sure , didn’t see it working (even though he was still interested), and “maybe” we should just be friends. There has been no “clear” break-up. I didn’t want to push him anymore because I know that just having that conversation has pushed him despite the fact that I hadn’t asked for a committment – just where he saw things. How long should I continue to wait for him to contact me (or to contact him) especially considering the “up in the air” nature of the relationship? Or should I just write him off? I’m not so invested yet that I’m devastated by this, but I also don’t want to ruin things if he’s just needing time to think – my intuition still tells me that this relationship could have potential if given the time to blossom.

    • John 29 October 2011 at 2:43 pm Permalink

      Your situation sounds so similar to mine. I think the no “clear” break up makes it that much more difficult. I would say you’ve taken the right steps so far in not pushing him any more. I made the mistake of begging and pleading for 2 1/2 weeks. I’m now a month into this with no clear indication of how this will all turn out. I get the feeling that she already has an interest in someone new. Just devastating.

  81. Mario 25 October 2011 at 11:51 pm Permalink

    AHSLEY HELP ME WHAT DO I DO….I sent that letter but i think i forgot to put call me if you want at the end…..but I later on a few weeks later sent that accidental text message just like you said to do..So can it still work even though I forgot at least i think I forgot to put call me if you want in the letter…Ive been going out and doing things to try to forget and move on like u said I went to a concert to my favorite band for the time last night had a blast once they came on I dont even think I thought about her..

  82. Michelle 27 October 2011 at 3:01 am Permalink

    My best friend, which was also my fiance, left me almost 3 weeks ago. We didn’t have a perfect relationship, but I love him with all my heart and he always said he loved me, even the day he packed his stuff and left. He was sent out of town on a job assignment and I think he may have hooked back up with someone. I think between the change of scenery and the other woman, that’s why it was so easy for him to walk away. I have cried constantly since then. I have not contacted him, only because I don’t want to take a chance on his new woman being with him if I call and him trying to act like the “big man” in front of her and reject me again.
    We were together 10 years and I thought I meant SOMETHING to him at least, but when he didn’t even bother calling or sending me a text message on my birthday 2 days ago, I’m wondering if there is any hope at all of his having a change of heart? I’m almost 50, too old to start over, and too hurt to want to even try.
    I agree with the concept of no contact for some people, but in my situation, I believe “out of sight, out of mind”, may make the distance between us emotionally and mentally even greater. That the longer I don’t see or communicate with him, the easier it is for him to forget the good times and move on…? It just seems like he erased the past with me from his heart and mind and I no longer exist to him.

    • John 29 October 2011 at 2:36 pm Permalink

      I feel for you. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I too am battling with the no contact and some contact fine line. I feel like we’re drifting further apart each day that goes by. This is just so devastating. I hope you find comfort soon and peace of mind. Hang in there.

    • Katie 1 January 2012 at 11:58 am Permalink

      i feel you girlfriend. although in my situation my ex considers me a “Friend” and calls me when he feels like it. UGh its awful. It’s like we need to get back together or leave me alone so i can move on.

  83. Please help 28 October 2011 at 3:14 am Permalink

    I was with this girl for four years. We always spoke about the future, about college together, about marriage, kids etc… Last weekend, she went to a party, I started hearing rumors and freaked out. She was very upset with me, called me, told me it was over, and the same night hooked up with another guy. I called her the next day and she explained that she had been feeling stressed about the relationship. She felt we wouldn’t make it. That I didn’t trust her and I didn’t have my stuff together for college. She kept saying we probably won’t make it in to the same college and if we don’t trust each other, there’s no way it would work out. She said if she feels it’s going to end anyway, she didn’t want to stay together. But she also kept saying she didn’t know what she wanted, that we would make better friends. At first I pleaded. But after she told me she hooked up with a guy that night, I just got upset and hung up. We didn’t speak for two days until I texted her about her things that were at my house. She came by and got them, but I pretended as though I wasn’t home and my mother gave them to her for me, and later my mom told me she was upset. I’ve also been looking at her different social network pages, and I feel as though she is clearly trying to make me mad, or jealous. She never posts as often as she is now, and especially never posts the content that she does. She’s basically implying that she’s already having sex with someone else, and making posts about how she should come clean with the truth, hinting that she’s hiding something from me. I strongly feel she’s trying to provoke me, make me contact her about us. But I haven’t and it’s been about 5 days or so. It’s killing me though, the thought of her with someone else. I need help please. I want to know how long I should wait to send this email, and how long until I get a response. I also want her to see I’ve been getting my stuff together school-wise as I have been lately. She made me a list, maybe about 3 days before we broke up, a list of things I needed to do, what colleges to apply to and their requirements, etc.. I’ve been actively finishing it. How do I show her this? What do I do. She said she wants space, she wants to be alone, yet she makes posts obviously directed to me. It makes no sense. I’m trying so hard not to call her, and ask what the hell she means by all the things she’s posting, I’m trying so hard not to crawl back. How do I regain control. I used to have control, for about three years I did. But for the past year she’s had control of me, and I want to turn things around. I want her to want me again. I want to be with her, I love and care about her. Please Ashley, I need some guidance and help. I need to know how to fix this.

  84. pedro 28 October 2011 at 4:10 pm Permalink

    one setence for all of you – let it go. you won’t regret it.

  85. John 29 October 2011 at 2:31 pm Permalink

    My girlfriend of 4yrs broke up with me, I would say a month ago. Although, at the time she really wouldn’t call it a break up. I was devastated of course and made the common mistakes of doing the “not to do’s” (i.e. begging, crying, arguing, reasoning, etc). I did this for about 2 1/2 to 3 weeks with no results of course. I wish I had come along this site before making the “begging” mistake.

    Because of my behavior, she’s now saying that we can’t be together for that very reason. Not until I get better. “Just get better”, is what she kept repeating. I’m not really sure how to interpret the “just get better” comment exactly. I mean I know what I need to do now, but is it too late? Have I pushed her away too far by my behavior?

    Since our breakup, she’s been going out so much more. Anywhere from 2 to 4 nights a week. “With girlfriends”, as she calls it, however it’s always at the same nightclubs. Places where she knows a handful of the male staff/bartenders. I have a feeling that she has developed an interest for one of these bartenders because I know she talks quite a bit to him while she’s there, and I’m just crushed of the thought of her being with someone else. Could she be at a stage of evaluating a new relationship? A rebound?

    I would categorize our contact now as limited, although there are consecutive days sometimes where we text message back and forth. I’ve just recently stopped the “begging” phase and for the most part I try to be brief with the messages, almost cold, whenever we do text message. We don’t talk at all, just text messages. I’d like to try the no contact route, although I know there’s a fine line between no contact and some contact depending on the person. Knowing her, I think she would interpret no contact as I don’t care anymore and she would probably just be pushed further away and just go about moving on. I should add that she’s very attractive and definitely doesn’t have a shortage of admirers. So I’m a little reluctant to go no contact completely. What should I do? I’m just a little confused on how much I need to do in order for her to see that I am getting better. I feel like time is so critical right now as I’m trying to prevent any new relationship she may be contemplating from gaining any momentum. Perhaps that’s out of my control since she’s always at the nightclub every weekend.

    I’m just lost….Need help.

    • Gabe 2 November 2011 at 8:38 am Permalink

      That’s what like is happening to me I mean I’m talking to her right now and she still wants to b friends and she said mayb in the future we will again well she’s dating one of my good friends!!!!

  86. Diana 30 October 2011 at 3:26 am Permalink

    So, I told my ex not to contact me for atleast 4 months because we kept in touch for about 6 months after break-up and I felt like I can’t be friends with him and did’nt want to just start ignoring so ….did I mess up?

    • Troy 1 November 2011 at 7:32 pm Permalink

      What’s the situation? Are you trying to get back together with him? Did he contact you?

  87. John 30 October 2011 at 4:22 am Permalink

    I broke up with this girl back in elementary school, and than we Met back at the same high school and start dating at our senior year, i stood her up at prom night and when out with her friend instead of her. After graduation she find out that i cheated on her and we broke up. Now it has been almost 6 years that we haven’t spoke, should i date her again? Because she looks ten times better than she looked back in high school, but since i breaked her heart 6 years ago i don’t think she will truest me again. She is a premed student now and i am a civic engineer.

    • John 1 November 2011 at 7:34 am Permalink

      Have you spoken to her recently? How do you know that she would even consider being back with you again? Sounds like you hurt her pretty bad.

  88. Dawn 30 October 2011 at 4:38 pm Permalink

    Something must have worked because me and my boyfriend are back together now. (The day after I sent the first comment to be exact)
    We even met up yesterday and hung out with his friend. I wasn’t expecting his friend to step up and tell him he needed to treat me right. He told him how much of a good girlfriend I am and told him how much I care and still love him..Something must have triggered in my boyfriend’s head because he’s texting me non-stop, telling me he loves me, trying to see me everyday and is even trying to buy me a new ring. (The old one was getting old and his friend pointed that out too.) I feel like..I have my boyfriend back. When we had to go home he didn’t even want to let go of me. I don’t know what happened but he changed. I think it’s because I’ve been doing what you told me Ashley and because he sees how good and loyal of a girlfriend I am. Praying to god I see him tomorrow. Thank you, Ashley!

  89. Gabe 31 October 2011 at 12:29 am Permalink

    Hi I’m gabe, I hav a rather confusing situation with my ex-girlfriend. We went out then broke up and then went out again, I have no clue why she broke up with me and neither do her friends she says it was because it was because she was scared. So I tried to fix it and ended up making it worse. I was at a party with her and after I left my friend jokingly sent me a txt that said he just made out with her and I still like her and I dont take jokes easily, so I didn’t know and I blew it out and now she hates me cuz I said some stuff that I prob shouldn’t hav said to her and I do want her back but it feels like I can’t go on anymore I try to do stuff that I’m usually rlly good at and then I start to think about her and I hit the upper 90 ( top corner ) of the soccer net every time. It just freaks me out cuz i can’t hit those if I tried so as of now I’m lost and I hav no clue what to do next, I tried talking to her but she likes other guys so I rlly don’t know what to do next, I can’t get her off my mind.

    • Troy 2 November 2011 at 6:01 am Permalink

      Liking other people is normal — being interested in other people when your not married. The question is does she still like you and after no contact will she talk with you. Can you be friends and do what normall friends do. I can tell you are young. Are their things you can do to improve yourselfand make you more attractive to lots of girls?

      • Gabe 15 November 2011 at 1:45 pm Permalink

        Yea thanx for that but like I tried talking to her and it just lead to me being mad at her because she liked my bestfriend the entire relationship so now they r close to going out I’m mostly over her but I still like her and she’s pissed at me cuz of stuff I said to her

  90. ThatPinoyGuy 31 October 2011 at 7:00 pm Permalink

    Hey i was wondering if this letter thing will still work for me because ive already called her saying that im sorry for the way i acted right after the break up and that i respect her need for space so ill give it to her. I also told her that i wasnt ready to move on yet, but still ill give her space and ended with if you ever need anyone to talk to, you can talk to me. now that i think about it, i think it was a mistake to say all of that :/
    so please if you can, if ANYONE can, please help me out here, should i write the letter? or is it too late?

  91. Anna 1 November 2011 at 6:04 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley

    I am a little desperate, too., and your videos has helped me so much to think clear! My boyfriend of 4 years (he is 30, I’m 26) broke up with me a week ago. It was something really sudden, the night before we were together, totally in love, planning our trip during Christmas holidays.
    He told me he loves me and he is still in love with me and this doesn’t have to do with me. He just wants to be alone, he was in a relationship the last 4 years and he wants to be alone now and think about his work and what to do in the future. I asked him if its just a period that he wants to be alone and relax or a decision that could be changed since he made it so quickly and said he was thinking of it for a while. But everything was the same and perfect for me! I never pushed him or stressed him for anything.

    He actually said that he wants to be alone and miserable and think about his job and everything he is not satisfied in his life with, like that he still lives with his parents. Being with me made him happy and distracted him from the problems he had to solve.

    He cares about me and wants to have a contact. His birthday is in two weeks and he told me he’d like to hear from me.

    It’s been 7 days after the break up,I haven’t done any of the mistakes you have mentioned on videos etc, I had no contact, during the break up I acted rationally and seem like accepting his desicion. Do you thinh there’s any chance? Should I contact him for the first time in 15 days in his birthday like he said? I am afraid it is too long, I was thinking of contact him in a week, 2 weeks total of NC, and make a second contact in his birthday
    Thank you

  92. R.H. 1 November 2011 at 5:11 pm Permalink

    please help me. I just found out last week my ex of 7 years was seeing the guy that she left me for 5 years ago. She dated him 3 times within 6 months of 2006 and mid february of 2007. She left me on a summer 5 years ago for him and we ended up cheating on him the whole month they were going out. That was all of July. Then he left my ex and I find out a month later they were seeing each other again. Well I tell my ex this time why she played on both of us again and that I was done with her so she leaves the guy ONCE again to be with me. We were so happy until New Years I confessed I cheated on her first only once and she go so mad she kicked me out her dorm and ONCE again she looked for the guy and they start dating again from january of 2007, all the way to Valentines day.

    so they only lasted a month and a half but ONCE again during that time they were bf/gf, me and her were still seeing each other until she finally let him go cuz she ONCE again realized she wanted to be with me. Well after that the guy called me and told me he thought my ex was a monster n that he was really hurt she played with him 3 times and he told me that for people like her, love doesn’t exist and that I was the stupidest guy for keeping her after what she did with both of us. The only difference is, I knew about him and he thought my ex was DONE with me everytime but it wasn’t like that.

    well from 2007 all the way to know we arguedddddddd so much but for some reason we were always there next to each other. I got her a cellphone under my plan 3 years ago so I was paying for her phone and since she is poor, I also let her take my car to her school and bougt her everything. I’m not rich, but I really gave it all out for her and she was always there with me so I didn’t mind and saw her as more than a GF to me. Well I have treated her really bad before and still was with my jealousy that it would get really bad. I was too jealous of her cuz she is gorgeous and she’s popular and guys always want her so I was way too over protective but I was not healthy about it. I took her for granted all these years :’(

    Well after so many fights and arguments she was still by my side. I always bought her food, and let her borow my car for school and paid of her phone, always and pretty much she was 100% Dependent on me. I guess I felt I had a lot of control over her so I stopped being romantic. I just gave her all presents but was never sweet about it. Well I just found the guy we cheated on 3 times before is seeing her again.

    it seems like for 2 months they accidentally bumped into each other n they took it from there but she never told me she was getting to know him, AGAIN!!!! After 5 years, they accidentally meet, wow. Him again. She’s had handsome well dependent guys after her the whole time and she always rejected them for me and here is this JOKE again trying to win her heart. I texted the guy last weekend and got really furious and even threaten him to kick his ass and I even confronted my EX about it and all she said was that she really LIKES him and wants 2b with him. Wowowow. He really took her back after what SHE did to him?!?!? Well surprisingly they both put a restraining order on me 9 days ago and my ex told me to get away from her and leave her alone and that I could cancel her line n that it was best to let her go forever now.

    I was really shocked she put a restraining order on me as well as her new BF. So just 5 days ago(3 days after she left me) she called me from the cellphone I was paying for and she said she wants me to change and date another girl and that she wants to be happy with that SAME guy again and that this time she wasn’t going to HURT him and that he forced her to go to the police station. Well I tell her I LOVE her and said sorry for taking you for granted. I told her I was gonna change and be who I was before with her but my ex said no more and that she only wanted to see me as a friend and no more in the future. She told me to BLOCK her line??? Instead of cancel?? I don’t know why but she said that she wanted to know him this time and that in order for that to happen was if I wasn’t in the PICTURE anymore for now.

    she did tell me that she will never see me as more than a friend in her life no matter how much I want her back or prove the change. She just told me to date for now and to get better with my temper and jealousy. I had bought a pair of tickets to a concert schedule for DECEMBER 11_ 2011 and I told her if I should throw the tickets away n she said I DON’t know, that maybe she could go but she wasn’t sure as of now n to give her time and that it was a possibility for us to go in more than a month to the concert that we both badly wanted to go to. But she didn’t promise me anything cuz she said her BF wants to trust her now and that he really wanst someting serious with her. I’m 26. She’s 25 and her bf is 23. She told me she only wanst friends in me bit that for now it’s best to HEAL by not talking and that she was gonna look for me and wanted to see a changed man in me. Why???? How can that guy ever be happy with her after what she did to him? Is he just a rebound again? I was just surprised she said to BLOK her line for now but not CANCEL it..why? In case it doesn’t work out with her new bf? So after the call, I blocked her cellphone from being used so I did not cancel the line yet.

    it’s killing me inside that she’s with him now n there’s nothing I can do about this time since she needs SPACE so that he can TRUST her now. I’m just too hopeful she will look for me for the day of the concert so it’s hurting me. I’m still surprised her and that guy are together again. I don’t really know why the guy took her serious. Well it’s been 5 days without contacting her. I’m being a man of my word now. So if by DECEMBER 11 she doesn’t contact me, I’m cancelling her line n I’m gonna move on with my life. I would love for her to contact me and to drive her BF crazy again if I pretend to be her friend. Will I hurt myself? Will he get PARANOID? I don’t really know what I want anymore. I’m just hurt and still SHOCKED. What do I do? It’s been 5 days and yes I’ve cried so much cuz now I know what I had n I regret taking her for granted :’(

    should I date other girls? Go to ounseling so she sees the change? She’s prob not gonna look for me anymore. During this time I’m not talking to her she’s gonna fall in love with that guy and she will already be done with me. I’m really scared :’( what do you guys think? Let her go forever? She was my best friend, my 1st, my soulmate so yeah, it hurts to be lonely right now and to think that he is being intimate with her instead of me. Please tell me ur thoughts. If she doesn’t call by the day of concert should I give up for when she really contacts me?

    • Natasha 9 November 2011 at 12:10 pm Permalink

      Hey RH, well from the sounds of it… Not to be rude. Sounds she took you for granted. Perhaps you got mad because you were always paying her way through life ?? Her looks she thinks that can get her things. Been there. Also that guy your saying how can he trust her for what she has done to him. ? How can you trust her if she decided to come back to you?! I can give advice but not take my own sadly. Also I think you should date and CUT her phone off and get a new look go hard at the gym lift those weights. Us girls like buff men. If she sees your happy and moved on she will come running back. By then you won’t want her due to all the shit sorry for swearing! Due for all the crap she has done. And by you buying all of that was nice but can’t buy love. Also that guy will prob dump her also for what she has done to both of you. I would send her and that guy both MSG and say best of luck you have moved on and have plans with a new friend. Say hope you two are happy together haha. Ya dude you deserve a woman that will treat you right and stay faithful. We all get angry and have tempers but that’s why they say some people bring out the worse in us right?? Be strong you can move on. She clearly does not know what she wants she can’t have both of you

  93. shard 3 November 2011 at 5:36 am Permalink

    my ex broke up w. me 3 days ago ive been calling texting shes been ignoring me she say im rude soo she said she need time to her self but i keep telling her ill change irdk what to do i kinda have tried to say ared im moving on she would be like okay it dont seem like she’s mad but she claims she loves me and still got feelins but starting tomarrow ima try this method and see how it goes i just miss her soo much =( ive bee crying 2 days str8

  94. Philip 3 November 2011 at 3:25 pm Permalink

    Just been reading thru many many of these messages, and I just feel even more bewildered with how emotions and people behave, and in a sad way :(

    Im 40+, had 1 messed up 2 week farce of a relationship, then 3 years of game-playing as she played me all that time, and to escape, i allowed myself into another one – and she moved in after 2 months.

    After 2 years together in a nitemare relationship of silence and weirdness, we now just txt each day, its a trial separation for a few weeks, but im too soft, and cant face letting her know to go and find a man who really can care as.

    I cannot bare to hurt a person more than 100% unavoidable. And im making every day worse. What a mess. I have to admit, the guide here does work, and i did have my 1st ex running back, but always bouncing away again as soon as she thought contact was made properly again. How do you live in relationships, when all you want is to help others, and be alone more than in company?

    Sorry for typing and ranting. Good luck to us all in these things, thank you for the guide X

  95. rr 4 November 2011 at 5:30 pm Permalink

    Me and my ex have been together for 6yrs the first 2.5 was the best. We have been back and forth together because of some mistakes we have made. A month ago o asked for a break so we both can figure what we want out of our relationship. But three weeks ago she meet a guy and now doesn’t want me. She has not mentioned me to him and things between them have been getting serious. I love but don’t know if I’m to late.

  96. rr 4 November 2011 at 5:37 pm Permalink

    Me and my ex have been together for 6yrs the first 2.5 was the best. We have been back and forth together because of some mistakes we have made. A month ago I asked for a break so we both can figure what we want out of our relationship. But three weeks ago she meet a guy and now doesn’t want me. She has not mentioned me to him and things between them have been getting serious. I love her but don’t know if I’m to late.

  97. Neha 5 November 2011 at 2:44 pm Permalink

    Hi ,

    I am Neha here, I want to talk about how to get my ex back.
    I was in a relationship with him since last 3 yrs. We liked and love each other a lot. He was very possessive for me and cares a lot for me. His family don’t likes me, and were planing for marrying by end of this year. We had a fight last to last month for a very stupid reason. he create an issue out of that n stopped talk to me, he stopped calling me. even I was angry so even I didnt call him for 2 weeks. N after that I got insured and start calling him and messaging him. but he replied me that he don’t want things back now. Since then I am calling him crying n messaging him but he is not responding and saying I don’t want this relation. Then I read an article to get ur ex back stop callg him or messaging him. I done that for a week. But Recently I come to know that he is trying for other girls might be he is in a relation with someone. Please help me out tell me wat should I do. I can’t live without him…. Please Please Please help me out urgently I really love him but he dont any more… I don’t understand how could a man who is loves me so much can leave me like this and is not caring abt me…
    Please reply me ASAP. Please help me
    Thanks

  98. Matt 5 November 2011 at 5:10 pm Permalink

    I have been with my gf for 2 years. For the last 3 months she has been talking about leaving me and has been trying to but I beg her to stay and she feels bad and stays. Her reasons for wanting to leave me are that she can’t forgive me for why I have done to her. I have done stupid stuff but it was so long ago. I have changed and learned my lesson but she refuses to give me a second chance at her heart. We do get the odd times where she kinda forgets all the shot I’ve done and then we are happy but then she will wake up some mornings and just want to leave me. If your wondering what I did to her well what really has scarred her is:

    - I left my previous gf for her and me and my previous gf would text behind her back for months after I left her. Whenever me and my gf would fight I would say something stupid like oh we’ll my previous gf wouldn’t of done that to me!

    This had led her to hate me and she is very insecure today about my previous gf.

    - another big screw up was that me and my gf broke up 3 months into our relationship and I went to a bar that night and met a girl . She texted me for a week after that even though I got back with my gf I still texted her. Then, when I was back with my gf I still went to the other girls house. I didn’t do anything with her but I still went over behind my gfs back. She found out a year later. Now she doesn’t trust me at all!

    I have changed and I am very different. She wants to leave cause she can’t forgive me but I can’t live without her . I only wanted to be with her and have a family with her. She is my motivation in life. I can’t even think about another guy holding her it drives me crazy. What do I do??!!!!

    Ps: I was always the dependent one in our relationship. I always ran after her, I was always the one to say I love u first or kiss her first.

    • peter 29 November 2011 at 11:14 am Permalink

      The best thing for you to do is approach her and say the following…

      Listen, I love you very much, and I know I have done wrong in the past, and that has greatly affected our relationship, and I have become a different man since then. However, I see it in your heart that you still cannot trust me, and for that I am sorry. Because of this, I think we should part ways for awhile, give each other space, to really evaluate how we feel.

      Essentially break up with her, and don’t contact her at all. She will contact you I promise.

  99. kelli 6 November 2011 at 4:08 pm Permalink

    I’m not sure this worked. I sent him a txt saying this and he replied back, ‘agreed’. We’ve always been in an up and down relationship. Breaking up and getting back together. I love him, a lot. He’s a real stubborn man, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he sent this just to get a rise out of me.

    What do you make of it?

  100. pratyush 6 November 2011 at 9:04 pm Permalink

    my girl broke up due to me lying to her..which was long ago and it got revealed now..she left me on oct15th…i pleaded like hell cried said sorry so many times but didnt work…now she talks to me after pleading and crying for her and by showing that i really cant live without her..she talks to me but just for the sake of..if i talk about our past or anything she just stops talking…i have been crying like hell to get her back,,because i really love her like crazy…please help me getting my love back.

    • peter 29 November 2011 at 11:16 am Permalink

      Stop talking to her. Don’t text, e-mail etc. Hit the gym, start running, pickup a new hobby, meet new girls.

  101. jam 7 November 2011 at 8:35 pm Permalink

    my girlfren broke up with me for threatening, it’s only 2 month and i love her a lot what can i do to get her back?

  102. Flynny 8 November 2011 at 7:11 pm Permalink

    My gf dropped a “i need a break from the relationship” last friday (it is currently tuesday) after 4 months because im “too full on”. I realise its because ive been too submissive and havent been taking a dominant role in the relationship (she likes this). she started pushing me away when she caught on to my insecurities which gradually came through and i tried to pull her back in the instinctive way (which is the most common mistake) which has been whats caused the break i now realise.

    geographically we live 100km apart (its australia, and of all places north queensland dont be suprised) and in separate towns. we seldom see each other, however the few times we do are absolutely fucking amazing (excuse the french) cause we become extremely intimate and we connect and laugh with each other really hard and have the best time (even though by the end i get DSB and limp back to mums car holding my crotch, espesially if we (my gf and i) get intimate)

    i called her today (before reading this unfortunately) asking her to clarify the situation. we have agreed its a BREAK and that she would give getting back together some more thought after all the stressful stuff in life (we are still in highschool) was over with . however during the call i made the offer of getting back together and she said she needed more time, which i fear may lead to her moving further on. i did leave this call with a ‘ok text me if you want to talk’. i was pre neutral in voice tone (but by no means monotone) throughout the conversation and added chirpy bits to it.

    i am talking to other girls atm, but not doing anything with them because it is only a break.

    i know i am young but i feel that she is the one (just trust me on this, if you knew how effortless and natural us falling in love with each other was youd understand).

    I wil most likeley see her in just under a month, and we will be living together (as a part of a course) in separate rooms and accomodation blocks on a small military base for two weeks. And because that will be the final stress to overcome, she may come back to me by the end of the course.

    NO contact her till then??? my birthday is between then and now so what if she contacts me for that??? and the girl i am talking to is known (by my gf) in the past as one who has liked me and she is now posting on my wall once a day. and because its only a break (supposedly) i dont know wether to become intimate with this new girl as a temp rebound. i also highly value monogamy while in a relationship, espesially my own.

    Help me out here folks?

    • Natasha 9 November 2011 at 11:47 am Permalink

      I think give her the space. Show her you don’t care she will run back to you. Tell her you actually agree with this break up and it was a food choice to look what you want in life. Say you will contact her when ur ready. She wil think she lost you then be crawling back to you. See the thing is I can give good advice but not take my own. I’m I’m the worse state but yap time to take my own advice. Good luck dude

  103. Adeline 9 November 2011 at 10:56 am Permalink

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years about 2.5 weeks ago. It was a mutual decision but it was because over the last 8-9 months we begun to take each other for granted and I was always fighting over the nitty gritty stuff with him. I guess frustration accumulated over time and with his dad passing away late July (it was unexpected) and him starting in his new role in June/July. I guess relationship took a backseat before his family and career and he felt like being in a relationship was somewhat of a pressure to him as I preferred more contact rather than less and all he wanted was a lot more space given everything that has been going on in his life.

    I spoke to him last Saturday and gave a touching speech that addressed all the previous issues or concerns that made him doubt whether we were suitable in the long term. But he was extremely firm and said that he didn’t want to continue with the relationship because it felt like there was a burden lifted off his chest and he wanted to focus on the other issues / fires that he has in his life right now. He said he knows I’m serious about changing (I also – told him I was changing for myself not just for him) but he says character is something that takes a while to change and he doesn’t see us happening in the forseeable future. When I prompted further, he said maybe 6 months or 1 year down the road it might be possible. He said that he purposely quoted a longer time frame to put me off so that I wouldn’t wait for him and will move on and if I do move on, he will not hold it against me.

    He also said – he knows the importance of having a more independent girlfriend – and he will try to look in that direction in future. He knows I don’t think I can be THAT independent. And also, we’re very different people even though we can ‘click’ together.

    I can work towards the direction of fixing all his expectations except for being very much more independent (I don’t stop him for heading out – unlesss he wants to go clubbing, I let him go on holidays with his family / friends without me but I just need a bit more emotional attention from him and I guess the way I requested it wasnt the best way and might have put him off over time.

    He is a very rational and mature person who usually works towards what he wants. And I’m afraid that he wouldn’t want to consider reconciliation with me in future because of what happened in our relationship.

    We’re still meeting to celebrate my birthday this Friday but I guess after that it’s no contact at all. What can I do to get him to realise that we can be together?

    He still wants to be friends when we’re both ready to do so as he says I have been a big part of his life (I was his longest relationship, his previous ones were less than a year). I also asked him what attracted him to me in the first place – he didnt want to explain but he said it was an aggregate of factors but he thinks my best feature is my smile, my actions are cute/amusing and I’m very down to earth and that’s what he likes about me. He also says he has a soft spot for me.

    I joked about him introducing me to his other friends in future should I be unable to find a boyfriend.

    What could I do to get him to want to be with me? I know he’ll miss me but he thinks that the feelings will fade in time to come and I don’t want that to happen. If I initiate NC – how long should I go NC and when’s the best time to plant the seed letter without him thinking it’s too soon and without him forgetting me.

    I was thinking of sending one just before christmas to tell him if he wants to he can collect the christmas gifts for his niece and nephew from me (he stays about 5 minutes away from my place). Would it even be possible or does this relationship seem like a lost cause?

  104. Nikki 9 November 2011 at 11:29 am Permalink

    Hey, My boyfriend… or Ex and I broke up a week from today…It was over a VERY Stupid Reason as well. Because I was crying my mom threatened to Sue him for “Emotional Damage” But that’s not true. She thinks because I don’t eat that much I’m still upset about the break up. But that’s not true, I don’t eat because there’s never anything in the house. Anyways. We have been together since I was 14 years old and I’m not 17. I love him with my heart, and I talked to him yesterday and we acted like nothing happened. We promised to stay friends and maybe get back together in the future. I don’t know what will happen. I want to make him jealous and realize that we are perfect for each other. He was the only person I was able to tell my past about (Stuff my mom doesn’t know) and he kind of told me about his depressing about his mom smoking. I want to get back soon, but I never seen him unless he comes over, the only way we know each other is because of a friend who introduced us. We love close but he is in College now. I want to know how will be a good way to see him and get him to change his mind about the break up. There are boys in my school I like BUT I don’t think anything between me and those guys will happen.

    Some of my friends say “Dress to Kill when you see your Ex,” but they have more knowledge about boys then me. We were each others first almost everything. First kiss, first girlfriend/boyfriend. We did EVERYTHING together. But Now that he is gone I feel completely Empty. When we talked I felt whole, as well as soooo happy, I felt like I could fly! I miss his arms around me and him saying he loves me.

    Sure my friends say they love me but I don’t want to hear it from that. My Ex and I said we would still talk but he won’t. I told him sorry for everything and that I hope to still be friends, he was going to come over today but didn’t because my mom wants to kill him… how do you get over someone who was family? My mother loved him and his parents loved me… I don’t know what he feels about me anymore or if he has interests in other girls. I would guess not since he is always inside playing video games.

    I might sound creepy right now but I don’t want him to do anything we did together with another girl, we would take naps during the summer because we stayed up all night texting.

    He says the reason why we broke up is because when we are around his parents or his friends I don’t talk, it’s not my fault that I’m shy around other people. When we are alone I’m so open and I just talk like there’s no tomorrow. Maybe if I was texting his parents/friends I could talk but hes the same way around my friends. He talks… or talked to my mom with no problem.

    On Halloween I actually had a long conversation with one of his friends about the stuff at my school. And then when our other friend came I talked to him a little but his friend would ignore me and talk to him. I was upset cause he said he was going to take me trick-or-treating (I know I’m like a little kid when it comes to candy).

    When he was talking me home I don’t talk. He would try to get my to talk but I was kind of upset about not getting candy, then also being slightly ignored by him. He doesn’t like it when I didn’t say “I love you back,” and that I put “No Comment at the moment” I will say that that part was my fault for not saying “I love you” Back. But there is just sometimes where You can’t say “I love you” All the time!

    So the next day I was freely talking to him and telling him about what he asked me. I asked him if I would be seeing him today he said “Nah, Math Homework due,” So I said “Knew it,” an hour later he calls and says he can’t take it anymore and just breaks up with me. We talk for 22 minutes with me asking if we could work it out. He wouldn’t try to work it out.

    For the next two days I just cried. (which is why mom threatened to sue him) and We actually talked a little the second day. We talked for a few hours yesterday but that was at night.

    Everyone has been telling me to let him make the first moves but he didn’t even make the first move when we started to date it was me so i knew I had to make the first move. I’m not going to text him for maybe two weeks and see if I can. I really want a second Chance with him, I can’t go almost three full years of us being together to nothing at all.

    If you have any more advice to tell. Please do tell.

  105. Natasha 9 November 2011 at 11:43 am Permalink

    Hello, my names Natasha. I have been broken up with my ex for 3 months. Been so hard. All I do is cry and he doesn’t seem to care. Also we were together for 8and a half years. He said he couldn’t handle it anymore waiting for me to finish school and meanwhile I worked my a** off. He has been caught dancing with other girls we started as a break then I just lost it for him didn’t tell him what I was doing or where I was going. Until me and the other girl roster got in to it. There were me my ex and his best friends gf. So I moved out shortly after we broke up. He has no feelings like that anymore he says. But we slept together twice one of those times he missed me loved me it was a mistake. Second he said he was weak and let’s not let this confuse us. But he hasn’t stopped the contact until yesterday saying stop texting him. Pro Len is I haven’t givin him his space. I just haven’t felt this love before for anyone and he’s Willing to throw all this away?! I know he loves me but he’s stubborn. But also I get blame for his mistakes dancing grossly with chicks. Shortly after our breakup I hooked up with his old high school friend. He was hurt then he travelled and hooked up with 2 Canadian girls in New Zealand. Rebound forsure. I’m lost and miss the man I want to marry and have children with. What can I do? Just give him space make him jealous? I’m so lost for words…. Everyone’s story is different we all think ours is worse. I wish things could of been different. I am now in my own house and depend on myself. I have changed my look to list a bunch of weight he had commented and loved the new look. I’m lost and don’t know the next move… Let him go or work for the man I love? What would you do? I prob left out so much but just got this far.

    • Natasha 9 November 2011 at 11:57 am Permalink

      Also left stuff out. We had no trust he trusted me but I didn’t trust him :/ would call him asking what he’s doing. But why girl wouldn’t think that whole ur bf and his brother party for 2 days and rarely answer?! He wants no contact with me. :’( men are mean. Sorry mine anyways. Thanks for readying everyone. I really do wish you all the best. Be strong <3

  106. kesha 9 November 2011 at 7:51 pm Permalink

    hey Ashley!
    my ex broke up with me about 8 month ago Surprisingly im still not over him……he aid he’ll be one of my friends that really care for me it was hard but i decided not to force him into something he didn’t want….but few months later he called me and told me that he still has feelings for me sure i was excited but something really seem right 2 days later he behaved like nothing like that ever happened but now he’ back telling me the same…..he even gets himself involved in my business…..im super confused with hi moods he gives me the feeling tha he doesn’t feel anything for me but would do his best to make sure i don’t get involved with any other guy…..I LOVE HIM A LOT…..but what must i think of his moods???????Plz help me!!!!!!!

  107. Philip 10 November 2011 at 12:06 am Permalink

    Just been nosing thru some of the knew messages here.

    Flynny, you’ve got your hormones all bouncing all over the place. That last part – ” dont know wether to become intimate with this new girl as a temp rebound” ??

    OMG, well, if you really just want to ensure you mess up any chance, then go do that thing. But seriously, read what you’ve thought. The idea of this article was to suggest that making an ex jealous can usually bring them rushing back. Having sex with another person isn’t getting them jealous, it’s insulting to them and indicates your mind is living in your pants, and not in the world of life and a future together – sorry, but i’m sure people would agree.

    There’s a very big difference between having a relationship based on love, and just seeking the physical side. That comes as a natural progression in it. If it’s based on just that, it’s going to go nowhere I think. You’d also be just using this other girl as an object, which isn’t fair on anybody – nobody deserves to be used like that. She may fall for you deeply, or even already be head over heels about you quietly.

    Show respect for people, whether you intend to marry them, or just sleep together, or not.

    Also, a good rule of thumb for anybody – for heavens sake gerroff that facebook stuff, displaying your friends, lives and thoughts blow by blow. Nobody else really needs to know what shop you visited, who you phoned last Thursday, what you’re having for supper etc. The main thing such mass nosey integration is about, is doing just harmful stuff tracking others friends and contacts, and being ready to sling mud and start things up. Sharing a holidays photos is one thing, but you can bet that anybody like an ex is watching every name that you have access to – and making as many random conclusions as is humanly possible.

    If you meet someone and an ex was so deeply after you that they felt insane jealousy, then you have a chance, but most of the time, its just over when its over, sad but true. And time apart (especially when younger) usually means a person doesn’t know how to say “get away from me, I need to feel something very different”

    But best of luck with it, just dont go rushing off to somebody else, life lasts quite a longgg time, no need to be trying to be hooked up every other day of it.

  108. Mark Johnson 10 November 2011 at 7:51 am Permalink

    i’ve got a good one……..my ex and i have beed divorced ten years …..she’d been chasing me for years……i finally gave in to her as my second marriage ended…she came back to “play with me” for a while this summer then pulled her same stuff lied cheated and left again…felt like she had the upper hand ….until today it’s my birthday and i knew she couldn’t resist and sure enough texted my “happy birthday!” i texted back simply “Piss Off!” felt good…..her little wheels are turning now thinking …wow he really is done with me now….

  109. akai 10 November 2011 at 2:42 pm Permalink

    it has been 28 days for me. i still feel it. no matter how much i go to the gym and stay busy and talk with other women go out with friends. i wear a smile on my face and have good times. but, she’s still on my mind. i think of all the things we done together and wonder if she’s with someone else doing the same things we did. i do have feelings of wanting her back we’ve been together for 2 years and what we had was quality. we both never felt love like we did. but she said her feelings have changed for me because we would get into arguments that led to breaking up and getting back together a few times including the last time.

    how do you think she is taking it? i mean days and weeks before the last time we talked she was telling me how much she loved me and all the sudden it ended like that? it sucks

    the last time i tried contacting her(28 days ago) after the breakup she seemed mad at me and treating me like a stranger or her enemy. i kept my distance since because i already told her how i felt and i wanted us to be together.

    what should i do?

    anyone else experience this and ended up with their ex returning and the spark and love came back?

  110. Lisa 14 November 2011 at 8:54 pm Permalink

    We have split up 2 times n a yr! He says it’s him not me!!! We text daily like 215 text a day!! I say stuff like miss u and get no response r gets me 2!! I feel he has moved on and he says no! We have a child and I’m soooo confused!!!

  111. Kiki 2011 15 November 2011 at 4:00 am Permalink

    Hi , Some advice girls , from my experience when a guy tells you its OVER or wants SPACE your ONLY JOB and I mean ONLY is to move on.Harsh I know.Do not txt do not call , do not email or send any smoke signals via friends , ITS OVER.Cry, scream , thump a pillow , journal , do whatever it takes.Avoid the places you used to frequent, avoid his friends and family , I don;t care how much you love his sister , cousin , dog cat etc.As a result of this he will a) Miss you and realise u were the woman of his dreams and start chasing u down again or b) fORGET YOU.A word of warning , don’t under ant circumstances become a BOOTY CALL for ur ex.This will only make u feel like shit.

    • Jan 19 November 2011 at 10:34 am Permalink

      Amen to that. I’ve been doing it for a little over a week. It’s been hell. Everyday I feel like my head is going to explode, but I can’t imagine trying to contact my ex who is the one who left the relationship so that he could start sleeping with someone else. He has been calling me, but I don’t really have anything to say so I don’t answer. He wanted space so I’m giving him it to him. And even though I miss him, keeping my dignity is more important. I am not going for his bulls**t a** games.

  112. jason 15 November 2011 at 8:54 am Permalink

    hey my name is jason, my ex just broke up with me a week ago and its been hard, we dated for a year and a half. she told me that we hung out too much, thats she didnt want to be mean to me no more and that she wasnt happy all the time. we texted for a bit after the break up but now there nothing i saw her at the mall and we was acting awkward, and when i told her i missed her she said were not getting back together if thats what your trying to. i sent her the letter like it said. saying that i agree with the break up and that its totally good for the both or us, im kinda afraid thats there someone else.
    how do i get her to realize how good of a bf i really was? i did everything for her and i miss her alot.

    • Christina 18 November 2011 at 6:32 pm Permalink

      Ignore her! That’s your best bet. Act like she doesn’t exist. No contact whatsoever. and when she contacts you continue to ignore her until she really makes an effort like shows up at your house! Ignoring a girl drives her crazy I promise!

  113. iwantmorelifefucker 15 November 2011 at 8:12 pm Permalink

    funny that these steps come naturally, when you don’t really like the girl…. every girl that i’ve been with, that i never really liked to begin with, fell madly in love with me because of my avoidant and distant behavior.. but the girls i liked too much, abandoned me.. this totally backs up your advice and i am here to say it works.. and yes, women especially want what they cant have. all we have to do as men, is behave above them, and we can realistically even date out of our class..that is, if you can walk the walk.

  114. pedro 17 November 2011 at 10:32 am Permalink

    my girlfriend lives in tampa I in sarasota whens she moved we decided to keep going out well she dumped me because she met a new guy and because the distance .a week later after I was texting and begging she called saying sorry i love u i miss u and we made up the next day she said she doesnt feel my love no more and doesnt no why she said she really likes the guy and wants to be with him what should i do ???

  115. Christina 18 November 2011 at 6:30 pm Permalink

    Okay so here’s my issue. Guy I had a 5 night stand with and I’ve never really been able to get over him. He came home from afganistan for 2 weeks, we hooked up thinking nothing of it but then he ended up spending the next week with me and then suddenly went back to his ex right before he left. I was devastated to say the least… so of course at first I was all over him. I wanted to talk to him all the time so I was the one doing all the contacting via facebook and cell phone while I still could. Mind you, this guy is the ultimate player! He is seriously a whore and I finally came to that realization and all of the sudden quit talking to him and ever since I did that he’s been messaging me, and acting interested in my current love interest which happens to be my ex who is also in the military. He has messaged me a few times and I finally sent him a long email saying how he could never give me what I want, so to leave me alone. He messaged me about a week later completely ignoring my email and basically tried to talk to me about my current relationship. It’s hard for me too ignore this guy, I care about him a lot but I’m getting better at it. Anyways, my question is what do I do? Keep ignoring him since he can’t say anything about my email. I’m so frustrated. He really knows how to get under my skin.

    • peter 29 November 2011 at 10:59 am Permalink

      You hardly know this guy, how can you not get over him? He is in player mode, just move on if you want something serious, if not, just have fun with him.

  116. Anette 20 November 2011 at 4:43 am Permalink

    Hey,
    my boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. It was a long distance relationship and he was supposed to come to visit a week ago…we spent the whole summer together and yes, we had fights, but we talked about problems and were ok again..when i was leaving to go back home, he was crying and two weeks before he text me he has no feelings for me anymore, he text me a lot that he loves me and misses me and that i’m silly if i think that he doesn’t love me..but then bum! he said he doesn’t love me anymore and he’s not coming to visit..i don’t know what happened, can’t believe he was lying to me for months(he said he hasn’t been in love with me for 4 months now)..and i made so many mistakes already! when he was breaking up with me, i was crying and begging him to come to visit and then tried to be friends, but he hasn’t text me back for a week now..do you think there’s any chance to get him back? next time i’ll be able to see him is february

  117. Anonymous 20 November 2011 at 2:30 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley,
    I have a slightly different issue. My close friend of 6months asked me out and we dated for like a month before deciding that our friendship was more important and we mutually decided to call it quits. However, I still like him and asked him to think about giving it another go while i was overseas for 3weeks. He said he’d think about it. When I got back, he told me he had started dating someone else. He hadn’t expected to, but it happened. he thought about what i said about giving it another chance but didn’t think i was ready for a relationship with him at the time. So we are better off as friends. This is killing me cos I feel like i’ve lost my mate and now the guy i like (would like to date). He tells me he doesn’t know where things with this new girl will go but cant lose out on a great friend. After 3weeks of minimal contact, we are now trying to go back to being friends… But its hard… and I wanna know how can I get him to give us another go in the future?

  118. R.P 21 November 2011 at 10:28 am Permalink

    Hey,

    My ex and I broke up 5 months ago. We use to live together and had some great time along with bad. I didn’t appreciate our relationship until I completely lost him. After moving out I missed him like crazy and wandered how he is doing. Since then he moved on and dated one grl and been with two or probably more. I think things got worse after the break up with me annoying him with texts and emails. Recently he ignores me a lot. we have no ties anymore except the fact that he owes me money and were still on the same phone plan. He says besides the money we should have no reason to communicate. I have a guy that likes me and he knows that but I am afraid to move on because I am in love with my ex. what should I do?

    • petei 3 December 2011 at 11:19 pm Permalink

      move on chick, he has told you that by saying we have no reason to communicate, and if you do move on, take it slow, dont get to involved, and if you love him as much as you say, when he finds out, he will say something to you, and that is down to you and your feelings, how to react, but you might be over him,and its his loss, dont sit around like i did, t hurts bad and there is nothing worse, but you have to change your life, and i say, get busy living, or be busy dying, i dont have the answers and can only say what i feel, if i told my whole story you would see you are in a much better place than me. stop texting get out more, meet people and see where it leads you. he will soon find out about you, they always have a way of finding out about you. once in my past my ex, called me 1o years later and after a failed marrige and said to me that it was the biggest mistake she had ever made, but i said sorry chick im not that person anymore, i moved on, as hard as it was, and i loved her too. lifes to short, dont waste it..good luck

  119. Jane 21 November 2011 at 1:26 pm Permalink

    My ex and I have been communicating, via text and phone, mainly because he lives in another state. We have done this daily for almost a year. Over the past three months he has changed jobs and is working a lot of hours and isn’t able to talk as much. His texts are fewer, also. This weekend I haven’t heard from him at all and I have tried to call him a couple of times and after two rings it goes to vm and I have texted about 4 times and no response. Now, I am angry and have determined that I am not going to call or text again, unless he does and I’m not sure if I will respond right away. This is all very confusing.

    • petei 3 December 2011 at 11:27 pm Permalink

      stick to your plan, its the right thing to do, as sad as it is to say, me thinks he has somone else, and only chats to you when there is nothing better to do, sorry if it hurts. he could be that busy that its not possible to chat with you, but to simply ignore, or not even send a simple text…..well….he has lost interest, look when your in a relationship the other half, should always be at the top of your list of priorities and then everything else after, you are right down at the bottom of his list, and it shows that he can not even text. shows me how much a person loves you, if they can not be bothered to even send a simple text, well, dump him, or you can test him, get another phone, or sim card and text from that and see how quick he repies, but this will drive you mad that he replies straight away to a strange number, dont let him know its you, or he will hate you forever. i did once and they replied so quick that i said sorry i think i have the wrong person. but i never ever told her, but new in my head that it was loads of lies from her.

  120. Juan 21 November 2011 at 1:28 pm Permalink

    Hi there this is Juan.

    Okay my girlfriend, totally broke all of our promises and commitments we had to each other one random day. And i said “im sorry i dont think we can be together, its over” hoping she would stop me there and talk things out, well she didnt care. she said “i knew we were going to break up”

    sooo anyways, I love her to death, and she just seems like she doesnt care anymore but I KNOW she does we dated over a year, she’s just the professional at hiding feelings. problem is she HAS NOT contacted me since the day we broke up and I did the worst mistake and “begged, terrorist text her, bomb her phone” and all the no no’s, and she ignored me for the first WHOLE WEEK. and now right now i gave her the NC rule for the past two days, and she never replied,

    soo I just sent her the “i met someone new, i agree with the break up, its been the happiest thing…” and left it at “call me if you want”.

    will she text back? is it too late after bugging her for the whole week? she wont text back I KNOW IT, but if she does what do i do? and how the heck do can i get in contact with her if she WONT text or call or email me back?! please help. ive tried moving on:/

  121. dayna 21 November 2011 at 5:10 pm Permalink

    Hey guys, got a lot of good stuff here… So I haven’t talked to my ex in over a month just left it at that because he made it obvious that he didn’t want to try again, there is a lot of history, but today my dumb ass was upset because the new guy I’m seeing made me mad… I began to examine the pattern because he did something to me my ex began to do before we broke up, anyway I wanted to know why so instead of asking the current guy I called my ex to ask him for advice on the new one… The thing is that I am still in love with my ex and I want him back, did I just do something really stupid? Can this be fixed??? When I was telling my ex the details of the situation he was like did you really just call me for this? I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about this since I still have feelings for you… I thought he had no feelings for me and I just wanted to know why this keeps happening to me… now what? Also I sent him a text a few min ago saying thanks again for listening to me, I got it figured out and good luck in the bay… No response yet!

  122. Roger 22 November 2011 at 3:14 am Permalink

    I really want to send this letter to my ex but i havent had contact with her in about a week. We broke up about 2 weeks ago, i saw her a week ago to give her some stuff i had from her, we stared at each other and i could see in her eyes that she still has feelings. Her roommate told me that it is over bc she sees me as a friend and nothing more now. I haven’t spoken to my ex in a week, she is going to las vegas with her family this week, and frankly i feel as if she is totally over me. she posts stuff on fb to share how great her life is going etc. When we broke up she told me that she needed time to work on her self bc she had a lot of personal issues and i do want to give her the time she asked for. But i really dont know if sending the letter is a good idea, bc my friend told me is getting into a war that i am going to lose. But i dont want to be waiting next to the phone over the next couple of days for a call or message that might not get there. Please help me any advice is welcome!!!!

  123. maria 22 November 2011 at 9:21 am Permalink

    Im lost and dont know what to do.. I was with a great guy for 4months, we knew each other from school, he had been wanting to take me for dinner for ages, then he got a hold of my number and text me, I went on a date and it was fantastic for 4 months we had great times, then i asked him to come to bonfire night with me and he said no he does not like it, anyway,, i then text him on the day just incase he changed his mind and he said for me to go .. I had had a lovely evening with him the night before and by the next day i knew something was wrong as he had not called or text so i asked him if everything was ok, he text to say i had freaked him out by my text , he said he felt presureised into going.. I then said is that a get out clause , i then got a text to say he feels im looking for something in a partner that he cant give, he works away so i text saying please tellme what you mean,, i did not hear from him for 4days , then he texts to say i have pjs at his house, i said i was unable to get them that night, eventualy 7 days he text to say if i want them he is at home, I went and i asked him if he wants to talk about the texts he sent he said no, i tried to find out from him what has went wrong.. i still dont know , he was unwell the last time i saw him to collect my pjs, 4 days ago,, i have just text to say hope your feeling better, Its horrble not knowing what i have done.. :(

  124. ANTHONY 23 November 2011 at 11:48 am Permalink

    HEY MY NAME IS ANTHONY I BEEN WITH MY EX FOR 3 YEARS. BUT I DID SOME STUPIED THINGS WHEN WE BROKE UP I DID EVRYTHING IN THE BOOK BESIDE GIVEN HER SPACE AND NOE I THINK IT IS TO LATE BUT MY HEART TELLS ME THAT IT AINT NOW HER MOM DONT LIKE ME. I DONT NO WHAT TO DO IT’S BEEN 6 MONTHS WHAT SHOULD I DO CAN ANYONE TELL ME

  125. anthony 23 November 2011 at 12:15 pm Permalink

    my gf of 1 yr just recently broke up with me… She said she loves me and likes me alot but im confused since she told me she was going back with her ex boyfriend of 5 yrs.. they were broken up for 3 yrs before we dated..what do i do to win her back should i call her, text her, e-mail her, etc… I really love her and want this relationship to work.. do u think her new realtionship is more of a rebound or not…any advice would help me …

    • petei 3 December 2011 at 10:53 pm Permalink

      to be honest, im guessing she had made contact with him while, with you, and they have spoken, and to return to an ex, well she obviously does not want to be with you, sad as it is, but true, because if she did, she would have never have broken up with you. i no nothing about you are the person you are, but i can say that, for somone to do that to a person was not happy with you, i no this might hurt, but best thing for you is, NOT to contact her and let her see for herself, that she misses you, the things about you, and see if she contacts you first, for her to go back to an ex, i personaly would’nt go back with her, as much as i loved her, she could or might hurt you again, in the future. i could be wrong here, but i dont like that they go back to there ex’s

    • Will 8 December 2011 at 9:01 am Permalink

      It sounds like she really doesnt know what she wants at this point. You shouldnt act desperate but you should try and find out why exactly she chose to break up with you and go back to her ex.

  126. sarah 24 November 2011 at 9:05 pm Permalink

    Hi..
    we are in 4 year relationship,,we had a fight now my bf is not talking to me from 12days and gave me a message that its all over..!!!
    we had fight because i used to say that he is having an extra affair with someone else,
    not replying to mail,call, messages, told him sorry for many times still nothing happened please help out what to do now?i love him too much…….and want him back!!!!as we were before…….

  127. petei 25 November 2011 at 12:01 am Permalink

    well i did it,i sent the letter, but i left off, the call me bit, why you ask, well i did not want to shift the power back to her, and have her think, “he wants me to call him” we shall see what happens and i will update, for now, grit and bear it, for the next few weeks, and i guess nothing from that, i quick opppps sorry text message, and then failing that, i might have found somone else and not care………doubt that…but crack-on with life and chin up. i do so love her, so much, but im obviously not what she seeks, after all i was nothing but a gentleman.

    • petei 3 December 2011 at 10:42 pm Permalink

      well i sent a text and i said, miss you, and i got the reply, but, and there is a but, it says “miss, you too, and hope that we can still be friends” i have not replied, i have taken that she has lost interest in me, and wishes to move on.

  128. sue 25 November 2011 at 3:02 am Permalink

    hi i split from bf 2 weels ago and we have 2 kids together so he sees them once week . i stilllove him like mad but he said he had enough as it wasnt working out . can i get him back still as we was together on and off for 5 and half yrs.?. i sent letter but i put at end dont be stranger. so now wat do i do ? do i say to him i want him back wen he sees kids or wat as im lost and worried i wont get chance?

  129. sue 25 November 2011 at 6:36 pm Permalink

    it dont matter he tex me last nite and said wat am i doing and that . and then he said he swears on his life he will never get back with me . so guess ill move on

  130. markos 27 November 2011 at 6:20 am Permalink

    my ex split up with me.its been 3 months.shes now going out with someone else but i can tell by the way she acts around me and the way she talks to me but i dont know what to do.can someone please help me.it would be alot of help.thanks.

    • petei 3 December 2011 at 11:07 pm Permalink

      you can tell what? markos, its not clear, thats she still lkes you? well if she does still like you as the man, your choice is to either stay friends and see if anything ever changes, or, confront her and ask if she is playing with your head, and finaly, you can say to her that your not playing games anymore, either you leave me alone so i can move on, or you speak to me and we can try to sort this out. you can not sit around and watch your ex, with another man in front of you, and have every thought running through your mind, its not healthy for you. my choice, reading into her and what she is like with you, is i would say are we going to fix this, or not, i wish to move on in my lfe, show her you have your own independents, and your taking control of your life, or ignore her and it will send her mad why, you are doing this, we want what we can not have, but if we can have it, its usually not that good, make her chase you.

  131. Carlo 2 December 2011 at 5:30 am Permalink

    my gf dumped me. it hurts so much. especially after 7 years of good relationship. We kinda grew up together and have the same hobbies and likes and friends. its been 2 weeks now and it hurts like hell. I feel like im going to die.

  132. bobby 3 December 2011 at 12:25 am Permalink

    I sent the letter as an email and my ex called me back right away … should i have picked it up?? what do i do?call her back?? im not sure of the next step from here

  133. Clark 3 December 2011 at 6:32 am Permalink

    Me n my gf were high school sweet hearts we were going out for 6years n a half we broke up now she’s been dating this other guy for almost 3 years but she cheats on him with me I don’t know how she can look at him or love him if she keeps on doing this to him we try working things out only lasts for a couple of months then she goes back to him it’s like a ping pong game back n forth I do t know when this childish bullshit is going to stop I should know better to let it go but i seem like we still have something she’s the one that always contacts me cus I use the no contact rules she keeps saying that she loves me n the reason why she keeps comin back is because I’m adventurous she keeps bringing up marriage but when I asked her if I was to ask her what would u say she turns around n says I don’t know if I would say yes but mean while she keeps on showing me rings ect can some one tell me what I should do move on or keep on trying I wasnt the best bf in our relationship n I they she keeps on reminising about the past n now she’s doing exactly what I did to her beside having another gr n going back n forth like she’s doing

  134. ashlie 3 December 2011 at 3:54 pm Permalink

    soooo u guys should all pretty much just move on. sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together<3

  135. cassandra 4 December 2011 at 6:09 am Permalink

    I am so confused right now my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago saying that he just didn’t feel the spark anymore. I was devasted as I loved the guy with all of my heart and thought that we would be together forever. The first month was very hard and I did all the begging and pleading unfortunitly. But one day I just decided to stop talking to him as I was making myself crazy. Three days later he texted me saying that he could not stand the thought of me not being in his life and that for now he wanted to be friends and maybe something more again in the future with no promises either way. I agreed to this and we have been very close for the last month. In fact he initiates most of our get togethers and he is waaaay over the top flirty with me the whole time. So one day I confronted him about this and he said that he just doesn’t know what he wants. I don’t know what to do from here to get him to decide that he wants to be more than friends again before its too late. I feel like I’m falling in love with him all over again and I really don’t want to blow this. Please help me :(

  136. Jo 4 December 2011 at 6:48 am Permalink

    I tried it and she didn’t respond. Then she deleted me from facebook :(

    Guess it doesn’t work for everyone…

  137. Michelle 5 December 2011 at 12:37 pm Permalink

    Don’t feel like you are alone Jo. I haven’t seen or heard from my ex since he dumped me 2 months ago. I sent him a text message last night that just said “Hi”, that’s all. I didn’t get any kind of acknowledgement at all back. I guess the last 10 years didn’t mean anything to him. : (

    • Jo 9 December 2011 at 3:08 pm Permalink

      :(

    • Elee 13 December 2011 at 12:18 pm Permalink

      I reall need some advice. So I sent my ex boyfriend a text message saying what you should put in the letter. I sent it 5 days ago :( still no reply… Do I move on? Or keep hoping he will at least text me..

      • MC 1 January 2012 at 10:05 am Permalink

        hi! Elee sorry you haven’t gottont a response yet a word to the wise! stop waiting for a response and get yourself together make some changes in your personal life.

  138. Anna 5 December 2011 at 2:09 pm Permalink

    Hi I’m 31 female, separated after a 9 yr relationship and then was in a long distance Internet relationship with this guy I hadn’t met!! (i know that sounds insane) for the last 4 months and could do with some advice. Because it was an IR its hard to talk to friends and family as they’ve never been there and don’t know what it’s like.

    It was a very intense 4 months, it started very quickly but I had trust issues with him from the start as I could see he was an online flirt with a bit of a reputation.  However, he assured me although he came across like that  it was all for show and with me it was totally different and he really felt something for me. I felt something for him too, more than anyone before if I’m really honest but I was apprehensive.  After more talking we got on so well I decided to just bite the bullet and believe and trust him and go for it otherwise we weren’t going to get anywhere.  Well the next 2 months were then great. The ‘honeymoon’ period I guess. He texted me daily, sent me a present and poetry and music and we IMed or spoke regularly for hours and I mean like 13 hours sometimes! and he’d go to work after no sleep just because we didn’t want to stop being close and we felt closest on the phone. He said he was in love with me first and I didn’t at first and wanted to slow it down and take it step by step.  He insisted we become exclusive and he brought up talk of moving, children and marriage, our goals were the same and everything was pointing to meeting up and seeing what would happen from there.

    So then just as I really started to feel comfortable around him and really trusted him and felt we could talk about anything he started backing off. Not texting as much, calls and online convos were further apart, he started letting me down when we arranged to call or even worse didn’t let me know until a couple of days later.  So all my fears and doubts started being validated and I thought maybe he had just wanted the thrill of the chase after all.  When we talked or had contact he allayed  all my fears and I was happy, but during the in-between times the doubts would just come back and I’d be suspicious and thought he could still be talking and chatting up all these other women he convinced me were just friends.  I did try to explain my fears but he either thought I was being accusatory or tried to twist the situation back on to me as though I had done the same as him and gone out on nights out and he was worried what I was up to too.  In short I became a paranoid mess and it wasn’t healthy.  His reason for backing off was that he had to work overtime as its the run up to Christmas and he was having family troubles. Instead of accepting his word I thought these were excuses, how could he not even spare two seconds for a text? So I tried to give him space, but after 5 days (I know not long!) I just flipped and couldnt wait for him to decide to talk to me when he wanted, I needed to get things off my chest when I wanted. Its a but like a battle of wills. We are both headstrong which is part of why we liked eachother so much.   I also thought he was going to dump me so I wanted to get in there first.  So in a moment of panic and annoyance I told him- by email- how he was making me feel, that I didnt think it his fault but it was making me paranoid and I couldnt handle it so for my own health and sanity I had to dump him AND block him from social networks so we couldn’t see what eachother was up to.  I tried to be amicable that I still thought he was wonderful and had had a great time but I thought I just wasn’t the one for him.

    He replied that day by email.  He felt I had judged him falsely. He  was sorry he made me feel like that, it wasn’t his intention. That he felt he should never have to explain himself to anyone  but that he was disappointed I hadn’t given him the chance to talk about what was happening with him at the time. Then basically he said he respected my decision it was his loss, he’d have to have a look at himself as to why I would go and wished me a thank you goodbye and good luck.

    Now at this point I wish I had left it, but his email made me feel so guilty, but also annoyed as again it seemed he managed to overlook my feelings and turn the situation around to his own bruised ego and me judging him and accusing him and asking for explanation which is not what I wanted I just wanted for him to show he cared! But I still didn’t really want it over so I sent a rather desperate email the next day. I pretty much apologised for everything: for saying what I did by email, that I didn’t mean to judge him but had simply tried to explain my feelings, and then I tried again in a different way, that I felt bad I did this when he’s going through a hard time, that I was devastated and wanted to work it out and for him to contact me if and when he’s ready, but no need for an immediate response.

    That was 10 days ago with no contact since and I don’t know what next as I’m not sure if this counts as me dumping him as I recalled it the next day? Or if he did dump me as he kind of agreed with me and didn’t try to fight it at the time and didn’t respond to my second email. Should I be the one making amends as the dumper even though I’m female, to me that seems wrong because if he wanted me he’d make the effort. So do I wait for him to contact me and for how long or do I send this letter now?  I reckon he’s angry too and he’s very stubborn (self-professed) and I know he can easily cut people out for good. But I know in my heart these problems stemmed from my insecurities and the fact it was a long distance relationship but still feel we owed it to ourselves to at least see what would have happened by meeting.  I realise this all sounds crazy as it was just an Internet and phone relationship but it was so emotionally charged and I thought we loved each other so much from what we knew that it feels much worse than after my 9 year ‘normal’ relationship.  Sorry its so long but I’d be grateful for any advice.

  139. cortney 6 December 2011 at 8:03 am Permalink

    If I stop all contact with him how do I expect to talk to him and get him back won’t he just forget about me? This sounds like a bad idea

    • MC 1 January 2012 at 10:12 am Permalink

      CORTNEY DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU DO THE NO NO CONTACT IF YOU DON’T FOLLOW YOUR HEART WE ALL FORGET THAT EACH PERSON’S RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFRENT I OR ANYBODY ELSE CANNOT TELL YOU HOW AND WHEN TO CONTACT HIM.

  140. Michelle 6 December 2011 at 1:21 pm Permalink

    Talk about strange. I posted last night that my ex didn’t respond to my simple text saying “Hi”. Out of the blue this afternoon, I get a “Hi” back and a few short sentences on neutral subjects. I didn’t go all psycho and start telling him I loved and missed him even though I do very much. I just played it cool and let him set the tone. It’s not much, but maybe it’s a start? It’s gonna be tough waiting to see how this all plays out though.

  141. Monshoi ahmed 7 December 2011 at 6:00 am Permalink

    My wife already dump me 1 yr ago.but still i love her .she was vry know understand i love her so much. She is greedy nd she dont love me at this time.how can i get back her felling back of me? Plzzxzz let me know

  142. LizaJ 7 December 2011 at 6:29 am Permalink

    Hey, my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago, and even though I am not the kind of person to do this I asked him to meet up with me and I and begged and pleaded for an entire day which is not ny character, the main reason we broke up was because I still had contact with my ex, even though he really know s I do not love my ex, I still found it hard to let go of the contact from a 8 year relationship and losing that friend and the fact that my ex is still in love with me, but my boyfriend and I had been together for a year, he was very tolerant with me and I would tell him every step of the way what was going on but I would be hard on him and frustrated and fear of the situation made me someties be completely not myself and cold to him , and over a week ago he told me that it was over and he couldnt be treated like that anymore, I told him how much I cared and wanted to change the situation and he was right,I never caved like this before but he said no, he didnt want to speak to me for over a month and maybe after that we could be friends, I have really hurt him and I want him back for all the right reasons, what should I do? he told me he wanted this space so the following day i agreed with him and told him i respected that, it killed me to do it , but I know i must respect this and give him this space, he told me the argument we had and how I acted in it had changed him and changed his feelings for me, but the day before he told me his feelings were very strong, I am really lost as to what to do here, I truely want him back , and it is not pride, i am scared I have runied everything and he will keep me at arms lenght and only want to be my friend at the end of everything

  143. Ashley Dawson 7 December 2011 at 12:26 pm Permalink

    Okay! So i found this page and im going to spill my guts to you- someone please help me out. Im 18 and my boyfriend is 17. The first year was great but had a few crazy moments of cheating but we always got back together. well the second year we began arguing nonstop about me waiting on him to graduate so we could go to the same university but now that its close to his graduation date, he had ignored me for 2 months straight with his guy friends and friend girls that flirt with him, and he lead me on for those 2 months and just now broke it off yesterday. He has been using me for sex, money, food, skateboards and all but i quickly put a stop to that. He claims that the reason he is leaving is because he is changing and is getting involved in religion, when in fact. I got him into religion and everything he does with his friends now is what we did in our first year! I want him back tho, I know he still wants me but he is playing hard to get. What do i do. He told me to move on, cursed me out, but he never gives me a clear reason of why he broke up with me. Should I even keep trying or give up?

  144. sonali 7 December 2011 at 7:31 pm Permalink

    my ex broke up wth me a month back… he was very confused.. first he said he doesn deserve me and den later dat he doesn love me and all sorts of things.. he considers me as a bad experience n wants to stay away frm me.. in relation i had bcum too needy, clingy, spyful, doubting abt everything.. i actually begged, pleaded bt it turned him rude… den i dint contact him, its been a week neithr did he try to cntct me, he jus askd me to stay way frm him rudely…n dat he is nt in love wth me.. i love him way too much and i knw d exact reasons for break up, he seemed so much in love wth me bt nw since a month he was so confused… i dnt knw wat to do?? he had evn proposed me for marriage and evn made me meet his parents earlier..and used to discuss abt marriage all d tym n nw suddenly he is sayin he doesn love me…. its so shattering…nw its been a month i dint cntct him… in starting i showed hw much miserable i feel wthout him bt later aftr reading abt no cntct n all i felt mre positive n confident… nw i feel i shud try cntctng him n sayin him abt i hv realised my mistakes n m a changd person.. n i wna try working things out… i dnt want him to hate me for resy of his life, wat to do??? plz help me

  145. Nathan 8 December 2011 at 3:27 am Permalink

    Im wondering what i should do my girlfriend left me just over a year ago i know why and i even relocated interstate to fix myself. We still speak alot even now but within one week of me moving her friend told me she has a new boyfriend its still killing me now. After about a month of me being interstate i sent her text telling her how much i love her and she said i love you too but Im not going to just leave my new boyfriend for you yet. So we spoke alot and after 6 months i surprised her by asking if i could visit her as i have moved back. I got a yes so i went to her parents house as she has always lived there and still does to this day. After a bit of a sob and a huge hug i left we still see eachother for a coffee every couple of weeks and she is not happy with her current boyfriend and kept telling me to wait until she finished her final uni exams so she wouldnt be so stressed. Now about 3 weeks ago i said this is crap i have waited for about a year and you keep telling me to wait so she said Im so sorry ill always love you but my new bf hasnt done anything wrong so i cant leave him yet i dont want you to wait any more i feel bad. so i said ok and we have not spoken since i text her today asking how she was but nothing more than that she hasnt replied to me. My housemates girlfriend is a good friend of her best friend so i get told that she always talks about how much of mistake she made leaving me and then getting a new bf so soon. I know she loves me she even goes and sees my mum still for dinner about once a month. My mum tells me that my ex cries alot when she talks about me. Im hope thats enough info. Oh Im 25 and she is 24 were together for 8 years she means more to me than anything i love her so much. We did have a break a few years ago to go have a bit of fun and see if the grass is greener and no it wasnt pleas help me i will do anything i feel so desperate asking a forum. Thank you very much would really appreciate any advice kind regards

    • Anonymous 11 December 2011 at 8:18 am Permalink

      To be honest it seems like Love is the right word to explain it and it’s with the right person… Just NOT the right time just YET. I’d say keep in touch, I’m not saying pound her with “I’m the one for you” kind of attitude. Since you two have each other’s families greatly involved then the spark is very much still there. It’s just in hibernation mode if you know what I mean… Waiting is the best answer. There are so many great things awaiting for those who wait. Quite frankly I’m a VERY impatient person, but right now I’m willing to wait for my ex boyfriend whom I love so much.

      You two have waited long enough, even break up to meet other people, and yet still ended up together… Then broke up again. That last break up seemed like the break up you two needed to realize the importance of one another. Be the best guy for her by just being there for her. Don’t pressure her into being in a relationship with you RIGHT AWAY. She’s in the process of realizing how much she’s deeply in love with you.. Hope things gets better soon :)

  146. Will 8 December 2011 at 8:56 am Permalink

    My gf broke up with me about a month and a half ago and it came out of no where. She said the past month or so she had been losing feelings for me because i didnt trust her enough and that i held her back from other guys too much. I begged to change and all that desperate stuff but now she seems even farther than ever from me. We have school together so i see her every day in my classes. I want to win her back but idk how :(

  147. tony 8 December 2011 at 11:32 pm Permalink

    hi

  148. Serena 9 December 2011 at 11:39 am Permalink

    Hello:
    I was in a “relationship” with a guy for just 4 weeks but i think we had the chemistry and the connection right on from the first week itself. It came to a stage where we couldnt do our work properly and u know–that giddy feeling… having him around you all the time….? we had reached a point of discussing marriage as well. Suddenly, he got contacted from his ex-gf and started messaging her. He had been stressed a lot and used to constantly ask me if i would hurt him and keep saying that he wouldnot survive another heartbreak.. All of a sudden, the next day, he started hinting that he was settling in a relationship…this ex of his did not want him back because of his custody issues with his ex-wife.. and then 2 days later, he asked if i would marry him….at 5 pm and at 9 pm, he called to say that he wants to end the relationship.. said that he cant give me what i want and that he loved her …. and he didnt love me that way……

    I really connected with him.. i think he did tooo.. for the first time, we both felt we found true love… i still yearn for him.. do u think it is possible to get him back?

  149. Amber 9 December 2011 at 1:05 pm Permalink

    Hello I have a very difficult situation. Me and my ex of 19 months, we just had a 3 month old. Are relationship has always been rocky. We lived with each other from jump street. But when we would get into arguments and fights he would leave for a couple of days but never cheated. Well the day I got pregnant thats when are trust went down hill. We had a big fall out and he left for a week and started to talk to girls on the computer. Then when we got back together everything was good. We ended up moving out of our apt that we had together and moved in with my friend. A couple of days after we moved in there we had another big fall out and he left for a couple of days and went to another city and slept with someone else for the first time. But then he wanted me back and we got back together. A little bit of time we moved out of my friends house and moved in with my ex sister in law. We got into an argument and he told me he had did something with my best friend a little while ago. I was devestated and pregnant at the same time. So we parted for about two weeks and he started dealing with another girl, but then he asked me to forgive him and I took him back agian. We finally got another apartment a couple months after that and was living good agian. He was trying to change and I noticed it a little but was scared he was gonna keep doing the same thing over and over. Well I had the baby and we it felt like we were back in love agian like when we first met. But then after the stress came along with the baby and not being able to have sex he started getting fustrated with me and wanting it to be over, but we never broke up agian. He did start changing as a man agian and this time he really started maturing and being a good man if we did have arguments he would go to my brothers for a night and then come back home wanting it to work. At this time of my life I think I was so hurt from everything that he had done to me while I was pregnant I just thought it was to late to change. Well back in September he wanted to show me a good time and be romantic he took me out and we went to the casinos and had a great time, but on the way home we got into a huge argument. Alcohol was involved and it got blown out of porportion and I called the cops and got him locked up. The next day I regreted getting him locked up so I got money together and bailed him out 2 weeks later. During the jail time he said he forgave me. When he came home we made love and etc. But two days later back @ it agian. Then he starts throwing me calling the cops on him getting him locked up. So during this time after he got released he lost his job and we lost our apt once agian. had to move back home with my parents, but he started to change agian as a man and started stepping up to the plate. I admit he did a 360. But I started to let my anger get in the way agian from what he did to me in the past. So I started being mean and ignorant. He left me 9 days ago the first two days we had know contact. Then he contacted me wanting his wallet. Then 2 days later I needed help with the baby so I took the baby to him. Then later that night he emailed me telling me to watch something it was purtaning to relationships. So the next day I picked him up on Monday 12/5/11 and we went to a couples counseling meeting. Then Tuesday 12/6 we both agreed to get back with each other he wanted to come back home, but when we got to my parents my father and him got into an argument then he said f*** me hes done with me.Hes moving on. Well yesterday I got into his FB and he has a tagged page and I seen he has been talking t multiple females and trying to hookl up with them to have sex. And last night he met up with one of the girls and they had sex I know that for sure. So i have sent him a couple of emails today, but then I realized that I should leave him alone. So I changed my number and wrote hima last email saying that I was going to let him do him and if thats what he wants to do be with other females then so be it. I did say that I wasnt going to jump into something else right away cause I still love him but I did say I have to focus on me and the kids. I have a good job now and Im getting a townhouse @ the end of the month. I just blocked him from my email address. He has know way to call me cause I cjanged my number and I blocked him fromFB. I would like someone to help me. I want to know do you think theres any chance of us getting back together and am I making the right steps. I want to add he goes to court next month and is looking at some time. Im so confused. Some one help me PLEASE!!!!!!!!

  150. Elee 9 December 2011 at 5:07 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley,
    I have been reading comments and I realize the comments are from a long time ago,so I wander if your still doing this?. I was Soooo scared about sending the txt mssg,but I did anyways. I reaaaly hope this works. If he texts me back Do I ignore him? Or what? I didn’t really get what you were saying about the ignoring part…and my friends or parents Do not support me in wanting my ex back because they all never liked him in the first place (idk why) but thanks so much for support and all that you given to everyone & me

  151. Elee 9 December 2011 at 5:08 pm Permalink

    Ok nevermind I was @ the top of the page(:

  152. crazineth 10 December 2011 at 10:00 am Permalink

    `hi ashley and everyone here..just needed some advice :)..my boyfriend just broke up with me few days ago for the second time around and its killing me once again….last year he broke up with me because he was seeing someone…he deleted me on my fb and msn after our break up i tried to win him back thru text that i do love him blah blah blah and to give me a chance but no reply at all so i stop..i cried many months for him but i told myself he would never come back so i moved on..i started going out,,seeing guys..flirting with them but all of them are just rebound or just to let people know that i really moved on..but i think i over partied and i chatted 2 much with guys on fb :(but here’s the thing after 8mos i had a friend request on fb and guess its my EX….we started talking…i asked him what does he want from me..why did he look for me after 8mos of no communication….he said HE MISS ME…he got me with his saying he miss me..so we started going out again..i can say he changed he is more sweeter than last year..we really had a good time together but the problem is whenever were together i cant stop myself from asking him why is he back after so long?and i keep saying maybe im just your rebound..he said NO he does me and im better..i wanted 2 believe him but i kept thinking maybe he is just good in lying i dont know :( but anyway we had a good time together…but few days ago he send me a long letter on fb confiding that he loves me..that im special to him….but he said he cant continue being with me because of my past…i was so confused so i sms him what does the letter mean?is it a brake up letter or something?he said i need time to think and fix my life and to know what i really want from life..and he said if i need someone he will always be there…im so mad coz he doesnt have the guts to tell me personally what he wants to tell me so i sms him if we are over as a couple and he said yes we are over but we can still be friends and can go out but not now coz he just cant see me now that’s according to him..i was curious i asked why is he braking up with me to think that he confided his feelings that he does love me this time…i didnt get an answer instead he told me he found all my conversations with guys on fb..i was shocked i dont know why he did it and how he found out all my conversations on fb :( i sms him i can explain plus i did those things when werent together but he never replied..i accepted the brake up once again eventhough its killing me…i do love him a lot…i want him back this time but i dont know if i can have him back…i wanted to call him but im controlling myself not to coz this is second time that he broke up with the only difference is he said he loves me which is driving me crazy?im just really confused..i dont understand him :( my question is you think is it possible that he will come back to me again for the third time???

  153. tatro 11 December 2011 at 4:30 am Permalink

    My ex and I broke up about 1 year ago, because we had some issues and she just went back to school and is about 1 hr. away. She’s moving back this month..I’ve kept in touch and everything was going well and she knew I wanted to get back with her. I spoke to her and let her know all my feelings and tells me she just met someone and likes him a lot and wants to see where things lead to. I want her back so badly, but she is gonna try to pursue this new guy. I fear if I make n/c that she’ll move on with this guy, but I also don’t want to beg and plead. What to do??

  154. n/a 11 December 2011 at 8:01 am Permalink

    I know this is going to sound cheesy and people might say “Oh you’re just young. This will pass..” but right now all I need is help and assurance. Ok so my boyfriend and I (both age 16) have been together for almost 11 months.. We broke up around 1 week ago and that was the “final” break up. 2 weeks before that we broke up.. THAT was the first but i wouldn’t actually call it a “breakup” since we got back together around an hour later because we were just both mad at each other and making irrational decisions… Ok back to the “final” break up, it was caused by constant fighting. The fights didn’t really start until like our 8th month. They were just one of those stupid silly little fights caused by him saying something immature, I take it the wrong way, i start getting upset, he gets worked up, I get mad because he got pissed off. Those fights only lasted for an hour, but we fought too much I guess… Around probably 5-8 times a month within 2 months.. Well when we broke up it was both hard for us.. From what I saw, he seemed determined to stick by his decision.. Now, we’re in the friend zone. We seem happier now since we already got through the whole post-breakup phase. Not really awkward as it was (or at least it doesn’t seem like it).. Well as usual, I have that feeling of wanting to keep talking to him but I can’t… Sometimes he talks to me but we both try to keep the conversations casual. I’m getting mixed signals (the push-pull thing)… well now him and I are in the better “friend zone”.. And by that I mean we talked more and even put smiley faces when we talk but he still seem not in the “getting back together” decision and when we are like physically around each other there’s still taking but very limited words said like he doesn’t wanna get into too serious talks and he avoids looking at me directly and some distance between us as well.. He said we both need to mature first before getting back in the relationship.. (we’re both 16 so in my defense, I don’t know how long before we grow “mature” enough..) Sometimes we even talk like nothing happened and we both smile and laugh and have fun but that’s kinda rare now.. Honestly it felt good because we have some contact. He posts stuff on facebook too. He talks to me there.. Basically we’re in the “I’d rather have you as a friend than nothing at all” phase… In my mind all I wantfor Christmas is HIM.. not even go back to the way we were but start over for a better, more improved relationship now that we’re aware of the constant fighting as the biggest problem. I’ve asked him a couple of times out of pure, stupid, depressed impulse if we’re ever going back together and I’ve even said that I’m willing to give it another shot… I guess he’s scared to get involved again because of those fights because they really hurt him. I feel like he still has feelings (might not be as strong as before) but he’s pulling back… That’s what’s upsetting me most. I miss him like crazy.. I’ve had harsher, much much MUCH worse breakups in the past yet this is the ONLY guy I can’t seem to let go. I really fell for him. The first and last time I was hurt this bad was my very first boyfriend, we lasted 7 months so it’s pretty natural for a new teenager to “fall in love” really bad with their first boyfriend. That was when I was in 6th grade…. 4 YEARS AGO. I need to keep the sparks there, keep the chance open and slowly get this chance of getting back together bigger and bigger IF I KNEW HOW.. I’m his first love, I would know because we were such great BEST friends before.. He’s the silent type (he’s pretty loud but what I meant is NO ONE really knows his true feelings. He prefers to keep to himself when it came to emotions) of course when we were together he told me everything. I just need guidance on what’s really going on because quite frankly I have not really been in this position because I used to always choose to find a rebound guy. I know it sounds bad but that was my way on keeping myself from hurting.. I feel like if I move on, he’ll get jealous BUT then realize later on that i’m not worth it since I moved on from him.. That’s a NO NO. on the other hand I feel like if I wait and wait and wait, he’ll see that I’m crazy about him and he’ll be more pushed back because he wouldn’t want a clingy girl who’d “die” if she lost him.. You know what I mean?

  155. john doe 11 December 2011 at 11:37 am Permalink

    ****ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED********************
    Well me and Stephanie started talking around the middle of August. She was halfway dating someone at the time and we were just friends then began kissing but nothing more. Eventually we became sexually active and she was still with her bf however distancing herself emotionally. Eventually he found out she was cheating on him and they stopped interacting in that way. We are 8 years apart i am 21 and she is 29 with a 7 yr old son. Everything was going smoothly overall she said we were just having fun however feelings began to develop on both sides they just weren’t exactly expressed. The only time she referred to me as baby was when she was highly intoxicated. She said she was scared of becoming attached because she didnt want to get hurt. She would show jealousy however and it felt like a relationship. i began spending the night at her house frequently granted she stays down the street from me. we had conflict when i started to say things like so what do you call me to your friends and she said my guy which gives room for interpretation. Then i began teasing her refferring to us as friends and she said if you want to just be friends thats what we can be, the people that know were together or w/e know and those that dont, dont need to. I think the age difference gave reason for her being hesitant to be open with the nature or our relationship becuase she said she didnt want to hear people run their mouths about it. She started to say that she was feeling colder towards me and it just had the friend vibe. I distanced myself somewhat which had bad results of her saying it just made her colder. I was telling her that she started feeling colder when I brought to light how much we were involved which i think scared her so one night we were talking seriously in a way i was pleading my case and she said call her back in 10 minutes. I did and she didnt anser so I hung out with a friend named Tiffany and she tagged me as being with her on Facebook which made Stephanie post pics of her dancing with guys from the nite before and then delete me sending a message saying stay single maybe Tiffany will let you have sex. The reaction didnt make sense if she had no romantic feelings for me. I waited a few days then texted her happy thanxgiving which she had a warm response. I then wrote a 3-4 page poem explaining how i saw things with her and us and put it in her mailbox. I saw her on the street and gave her a hug and chit chatted then when she was leaving on the bus i said Check your mail. she then called and asked what had i said and after telling her she continuted to talk then said she call me back. She did however i wasnt home and returned her call 3 hours later when she said i called u back when i said i would i said i had stepped out. She then asked what i was doing and I told her going to the movies and she said oh with Tiffany? i said naw your funny and she said how im just asking I figured you would. Then shortly after that we hung up. I Texted her that Monday to walk her home from the train because she gets off work late and she disregaured the offer and replied your poem was sweet. I said sometimes you got to speak from the heart and i felt that things needed to be said and even thought about when she replied you did what you wanted its all good. I knew she meant hanging out with Tiffany however I asked if she was talking about the letter and she said yea you good how was the movie i said would have been better if I went with you, She ignored that and replied to me telling her i went to another movie with my parents and she said you should have took Tiffany. I said shes just a friend why would I take her to a romantic comedy. She said you went with your parents why not? Mind you she was spelling her name wrong and when I replied I spelled it correctly by capitalizing the letter she misspelled telling her I don’t bring girls around my family unless they are special (she has met my family) and she replied with Ok you could have been like mom this is my friend Tiffany and spelled her name wrong again. I stopped texting at that point and ran into her 5 days later and she said something to my mom who was a block ahead of me along the lines of your son is right behind you I just kind of nodded at her and said hi to her son. I then called her 2 hours after seeing her and told her to call me when she was done helping her son with Homework she said Ok I will and never did. 3 days ago I was in the neighborhood store which is on a block she hates to go on however i am usually in front of the store in the morning smoking a cigarette and she knows this, when I went outside I saw that she was 3 blocks down the street on the one she hates on the same side of the block as the store. At first I thought she did that to avoid me because we get on the same train stop in the morning or maybe she wanted to get a coffee which was in the direction she was headed but she doesn’t like that street. I don’t know if she was trying to run into me or just coincidence. Please Let me Know what I should Do Or what you think she is doing/ thinking. The Jeolousy and bringing up of Tiffany’s name to me shows she does infact have feelings she just bottles them and then she called twice that one day again opinions appreciated….Thanx

  156. rachel 12 December 2011 at 12:08 am Permalink

    hi ashley my ex boyfriend of 3 years ended it 2 months ago the 1st month he was constantly contacting me and even said he wanted 2 work at things but a few days later said he was just saying that whenever we had seen eachother out we would kiss each other and all our friends would think we were back together.? its been about 3 and a half or 4 weeks since he’s stopped the texting we met up 3 weeks ago so we could talk about how not to be awkward with each other as we have the same friends and when he was walking me home he put his arm around me was hugging me saying he didnt want to let go told me he loved me n then just last week end he said their was no future for us just after all that its been 2motnhs like i said iv’e tryed no contact but how can i do no contact with some one who isn’t contacting me? please help.!

  157. Diane 13 December 2011 at 2:51 pm Permalink

    My boyfriend is European. He lived with me in the States for sometime (5 months) and I moved to Europe and lived there for about 5 months. We’ve been together one year and a half. I came back to the States 3 weeks ago. Everything was fine, until all of a sudden, he just stopped calling, doesn’t return my emails…nothing. He was planning on coming here in 2 months and we were to take a residence together. I’ve been married before, he has not. I know he still loves me, but I don’t understand the abrupt disconnect. It’s only been one week since we’ve spoke. I am devastated. He told me he wanted a life with me. I actually got pregnant (was NOT expecting that), but lost the baby while in Europe. We’ve been through a lot together. How should I handle this?

  158. Philip 14 December 2011 at 3:29 pm Permalink

    It’s all just totally wacky emotions all this relationship stuff isn’t it ?

    Every day, is just more weird behaviour added on to a long line of crazy stuff.

    I have a g/f living with me, who behaves like an anxious Mom, constantly wondering where I am, cooking and cleaning relentlessly, making the same comments, watching and acting like i’m a child.
    Yet also disregards every damned thing that is wrong. the next time we argue and she leaves, that has to be it. Foot down time, gotta change the locks, and keep strong about it. It’s not a life of loving and fun, I feel like an old man in a nursing home, being fed whats given, and told where to go and when, then sulked near when I go out to work.

    I wish I could wind back time a couple of years. This is so pathetic an existence, but how do you dump somebody with the intellect of a 10 year old child ? Its all gone insane, i’d only advice people now to just stay alone and do nothing more than be friends but never let anybody stay with you – its a first step to self destruction from what I can tell :(

  159. Meek 14 December 2011 at 5:32 pm Permalink

    My ex recently broke up w/ me on Dec 13. I know it’s too soon to try to get them back but I really love them and I want to be w/ them more than anything. They broke up w/ me because I constantly did something that they didn’t like. I want to show them that I can change and that I am willing to working this out. I’m not gonna be able to move on w/o them (yes I know how that sounds). I was told to give them space and if they really loved me they would come back. I was also told to send them flowers to show them that I still care. I just want to know how true that is and what I should do. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

  160. Julia 15 December 2011 at 7:27 am Permalink

    Well I have got to say I agree with not contacting an ex after a break up, esp if you were broken up with. But the whole letter writing seems to negate the moving on with your life bit. The best thing to do after a break up is to work through the emotions – go to a therapist if you feel you must, use anti-depressants, speak to family, get on a dating site, make new friends or go out with existing friends – basically ANYTHING that takes your mind off your ex and the break-up.

    I guess this tactic could work on some people, but also keep in mind that if you have an ex who suffers from a personality disorder, such as narcississm, it is HIGHLY unlikely that a tactic of this nature will work.

    If you have been broken up with realise that he/she is not worth getting back as you will always wonder when he/she will break it off again. You are going to have to keep up these games constantly once you have him/her back and it will get tiring. If somebody is right for you you should not have to tread on egg-shells to get or keep their attention.

  161. sally 20 December 2011 at 9:54 am Permalink

    I am so happy to inform you that my boy friend and I got back together on Sunday. I don’t think that things would have worked out the way they did if I hadn’t done the leave my man alone spell. I think by doing so, it allowed him to realize and remember how wonderfully happy we made each other, better yet it made (I know not literally made but you know what I mean) miss it so much to nearly break down into tears twice in public when he was trying to tell me about it. Thanks to Dr (gbocotemple@yahoo.com)…….sally

  162. Denise 20 December 2011 at 11:39 am Permalink

    Thanks Ashley your amazing!!
    Although i twisted a few things when getting him back,it was fun,kept me busy and now he’s on his knees xDD
    I tried half of the ‘How to get over him’ and then i did half of the ‘How to get him back’.This has given me strength and now it’s got to a point where he wont leave me alone,i even get text messages in the middle of the night at 2am with him saying “hey babe,i cant sleep” (this wakes me up)
    but im still a tiny bit worried because he may seem crazy about me,but i dont want this to fall apart again.I dont want him to break up with me (like he did when i needed emotional help) and i dont want to have to break up with him (because he cheated on me at a party again)
    Got any clues?

  163. ERIN 20 December 2011 at 7:47 pm Permalink

    Gosh, Julia is so right!! However, what if both parties are slightly narccisstic? I mean, doesn’t that mean the games may never end? My ex and I are both a little narccisstic and pig headed. We were together for about 3 years. Him and I would break up, then get back together, then break up again. The last time it “ended”, he was the one who dumped me because apparently he felt like he was only with me out of guilt for all the crap we went through while I was pregnant (not his baby by the way), which he knew about. I told him a million times that he was free to get up and leave anytime he felt like it was getting to be too overwhelming for him. He chose to stay every single time I asked him what he was feeling when I sensed something was bothering him. Every damn time. So anyway, when he broke up with me, he moved to a different state to get away from all the drama between us, yet he would still respond to my texts and we would have decent conversations half the time. The other half was us bitching each other out, yelling, belittling one another saying how much we hated each other. We would both say “oh my god, go away already. Stop texting/calling me! You repulse me! You’re pathetic and weak. F you! Get out of my life! I don’t want you so move on!” All the time……..Then we wouldn’t talk for a few months at a time. Then the crap would start again. Vicious cycle, I know, it was torture. About two months ago, I stopped responding to his random texts completely because I finally got my wakeup call after going back and forth sleeping with him, then cutting off ties, then sleeping with him, then cutting off ties. Yikes right! So much drama, it was unbarable. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, eventhough I have definitely moved on and I no longer dwell on the past, I find myself wondering why my ex still texts me at random times saying ridiculous childish things? He leaves me scratching my head like “huh? did i miss something here? is he being sarcastic or what?” He asks for sexy pictures and I just ignore him. He says he can’t freakin stand me, yet he still takes time out of his stupid life to send me dumb texts? Yeah, I read the texts, but I always just delete them and never reply. If he hates me, then why does he bother? Why won’t he just let it go? Is it because he knows I don’t need him for me to survive? I’m not helpless. But maybe he thinks I am? Like WTF! The last thing he said to me was “Oh, so it took me leaving you for you to get your shit together?” just because I decided to break the no contact rule ONCE to reply to a question he asked me. Initially he had asked me if I ever wondered what our lives would be like together if none of our problems ever arose……I simply said “NO, I’m very happy and content with my life, happier than I’ve ever been. Now would you please grow up and stop texting me.” That’s when he said “Oh, so it took me leaving you for you to get your shit together?” I of course was flabbergasted!! I said “don’t flatter yourself. Getting my shit together has nothing to do with it. It took you leaving for me to realize how much happier I am without you, and now that I have finally moved on, you can’t stand it so knock it off. I’m doing awesome for myself and you can’t stand that either, I do not need you. Deal with it. Bye” What else should I have done?

  164. ERIN 20 December 2011 at 7:56 pm Permalink

    P.S. I guess yeah I did really want him back in the beginning when he last left. I was trying to get his attention ANY way I could. I do admit, I did text him first most of the time telling him I had changed for the better and I kept asking him to let me prove it to him. Prove to him how much my attitude had improved. He would respond telling me it just would never work between us. Yup, it was hard to let go, but I DID IT!! Slowly, but surely, I let go of everything. I do still care about him, but I don’t ever want to get back together. I think he still wants me though and he probably will never admit it. Whatever. Lol. I’m done with him. I stopped tryin awhile ago.

  165. Dave 20 December 2011 at 10:13 pm Permalink

    I can confirm this definately works but be paitient; and this is early stages,
    Ok girlfriend broke up with me 1 week ago, sent her an email 3 days later with no contact between saying I accept the break up, and I have exciting and new opportunities coming up and this weekend I will be catching up with an old friend,and call me if you wish I ain’t fussed…
    Anyhow I did go out with a friend, another girl and posted her and my pics on facebook and we did have a good time…
    Couple of days after she messages me and says looks like your having a good time, with me replying yes I am, and loving it.
    So we caught up today and she asks me all these questions about this girl I went out with over the weekend, if I kissed her, I told her she has invited me out again, and the look on her face… priceless…

    This is the early stages.. as article says, you have to be mentally strong, convince yourself you will move on… this process can take a number of weeks though

  166. Marie 21 December 2011 at 4:31 am Permalink

    Hi my name is Angelika. My boyfriend and I just broke up, but he told me that we didn’t break up cause he didn’t like me he just wanted a break so I thought everything would be fine but in just two days he found another girl and didn’t tell be about it, I heard it from his friend. there not going out but it hurt me cause I thought he still liked me and I wasn’t thinking and told him how much I liked him and was apologizing to him and now he is done with me and wants nothing to do with me. Then I deleted him off my friend on Facebook and he asked me about it and we got in another fight. And he was so happy that we were done. Idk what to do I like him so much and everyone is telling me to let go cause he moved on but i still think there is a chance for us. But my friend texted him asking hows the girl problem and he said he is so happy I finally stopped texting him. I feel like there is no more hope for me and I’ve cried for 7 days straight I didn’t eat hardly at all and I lost 10 pounds from this whole thing I just want this to be over and I didn’t want to hurt him I just want us to be back together with him. He will neer like me again there is no more hope for me.

  167. MALOLO 21 December 2011 at 1:51 pm Permalink

    I was with a guy for 4 years and he love me more than anything in this
    world,suddenly he was behaving strange and he ask me to stay away from him
    and went with another girl,i was so confused so i order a spell from
    Dr.malolo and he gave me a returning spell.After four day he called me and
    apologize for the mistake he made.i must share this testimony to every
    body is really grate

    • crazineth 24 December 2011 at 5:54 am Permalink

      interesting…who is dr.malolo?maybe he could help me too :)

  168. Ashton 21 December 2011 at 2:32 pm Permalink

    She sent me a text message saying sorry for the breakup and wants to be friends. I made this and she wrote back ” then that’s good ..:) be happy “.
    What should I do now ? Please answer my heart is broken

  169. sals 23 December 2011 at 4:03 am Permalink

    Hi, my name is Sals, am Nigerian. i dated my ex for 2 years, bu recently he was pestering me about getting married, told him next year, he did not totally agree to dat. bu dis year is gone so next was later fine, when we started making plans for the wedding i noticed he was drawing back nd he said he was a little nervous abt it and not sure if he wanted to get married. he started acting up dat he has not made up his mind to get married to me. 4 weeks ago i noticed he wanted to draw back so i held on (know iwas wrong den mayb i shld not av) some days later he says he loves me no more nd dat gave a lst of things hes not ok with me. then he stopd calling at dat point i also stopped calling. we have not spoken in 2 weeks. and am so certain he has a new babe. what should i do.

  170. Sallycat 23 December 2011 at 6:22 am Permalink

    Someone please help me out. My ex and I dated for 3.5 years. He was such a sweetheart in the beginning of our relationship. All his past girlfriends lasted no more than 3 months total he said, but ours lasted much longer. During our relationship together he told me I was the only girl he ever wanted to marry, that he was happy to have found me, that he wanted to have my children, etc.

    Then 2.5 years into the relationship he wanted to break up with me around my birthday (great timing, I know). His reasoning at THAT TIME was due to the fact that he had no car, no job, no college education, and basically was going no where in life. I begged him at that time for us to stay together, especially because it was my 21st birthday for God’s sake! So we ended up going on a week break instead and he apologized and said he was really sorry for doing what he did to me around my birthday and the he did not want to break up with me.

    Then he went into the Navy about a year later (which was just this past September). So I thought this was terrific because he was finally doing something with his life. He was creating a future, unlike last year when he wasn’t doing anything and nearly broke up with me. During his time in boot camp he wrote me love letter, after love letter, after love letter for the entire 2 months he was in boot camp. I wrote him in return, responding to every single letter. In his letters he told me things like “You are now a member of my family, I want to get engaged, I feel we should get a joint bank account together, we need to get our own place together” and on top of it all he also told me “My friends haven’t written me a single letter and I am kind of upset, but I am happy that I at least have my family and you writing me. That’s all I need in life”

    On his graduation day he got me a nice little gift (a bracelet) for his family to take back home to me. I wanted to go to his graduation, but I’m in dental hygiene school so I unfortunately could not go. Nontheless, he still got me a gift and I thanked him for it when I got it. I should add that I gave him a nice little gift as well that his parents gave to him on that same day (it was just cookies, his favorite candy, and some chocolate since he couldn’t take it back to base so it had to be edible stuff only).

    So there I was from September until early November (his boot camp months), thinking to myself ‘Wow, this is going terrific between us. He’s in the Navy and I am currently in college. Our future is set!’

    Then literally 6 days after he graduated is when I got a really nasty phone call from him out of the clear blue. He told me he no longer loved me, that I never initiated sex (or at least I never initiated in HIS way I should say … when I want sex I just say it, but he didn’t feel asking for it was enough … he wanted me to rip off his clothes I suppose and be wild, but I’m not like that), he said I was BORING, etc. Yet, get this, he still wants to be my friend!?!? He posted on his facebook status IMMEDIATELY after our break up “broke up with *my name* done and done!” … Following his facebook status he wrote he was “relieved” and “happy to be single with a great body like this” and he even allowed his other friends to insult me by saying “she was an awkward girl anyway” etc. I was HURT LIKE HELL!!!! He wants friendship and I have TRIED, but I feel as though I do not know him anymore. He has changed so much. Prior to the Navy he would not have done this to his worst enemies, but he did it to me. He did it to the girl he loved for 3 years.

    I am asking how to get closure out of this? I was hoping for some type of an apology from him, but he hasn’t given me one really. He just says “it was for the best. I just wanted it to end” but I’m so hurt. I feel as though someone just ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I am currently in no contact mode with him and he has since sent me 2 text messages to ask me “Hey, how is your day going?” and that’s about it. I answered him, but this friendship is just so hard. I feel if I wrote him a letter, expressing why I can’t do friendship that it’ll put closure to this so I can move on. I’m just still in shock that the man who acted like he loved me put an abrupt end to it. He just hurts me and he once asked me for ex sex when he goes on leave, so I feel as though I’m being used. I will NEVER give him ex sex and told him I only have sex in a relationship. Like I said, I feel used.

    Should I write a letter to him, telling him exactly how I feel so I can get closure?

    • ERIN 25 December 2011 at 10:25 am Permalink

      Wow, that’s a really messed up thing he did to you! How cruel. He MUSTVE had another woman on the side. That’s just what I think. Guys are super sweet, caring, loving, and then out of nowhere they act like they’re better than you. Puhlease! Your story is one of saddest ones I’ve ever read. That guy sounds like a total self absorbed douchebag who has an oversized ego. Don’t stroke it. Lol. Anyway, you said you are sticking to the no contact rule, yet right after you said that, you said that he texts you and asks how you are doing and that you do, in fact, REPLY! Like what is that all about. Its not considered to be “no contact” if you’re answering his texts to you. Even if those texts from him are once in a blue moon, DON’T REPLY! Ignore him. You may be hurt, sad, angry, confused, but don’t let him humiliate you because HE WILL! He will accomplish this by telling his friends that he texted you KNOWING you would answer back eventhough you probably told him you would no longer contact him. He will most likely make jokes and just talk shit about how desperate he thinks you are. I don’t think you are desperate whatsoever, but I really think you’re feeding into his games if he is still texting you every once in a great while. Stay strong. If I’m wrong about anything, please feel free to correct any of my statements or assumptions. I just want to help you.

      • Sallycat 25 December 2011 at 3:13 pm Permalink

        Hello again. What I meant by no contact was more along the lines of the fact that I never initiated contact with him. I was doing some research and one website says it is best to avoid contact, but if he does contact you to answer him in a very matter of fact sort of way. I don’t know what’s better. My head has been spinning as of late. I’m still so very hurt after all of this. I don’t understand how a man can do all those things that show love and then out of nowhere be so cruel to you. I just don’t understand it and to be honest I fear getting into any future relationships after this. I worry it will happen again where a man will tell me he wants marriage, and then all of the sudden split one day.

        Anyway, ever since the Navy he has built a huge male ego. He constantly goes on about his body and how fit he is after boot camp. He was not like this at all prior to the Navy, trust me! I really miss my old boyfriend, the one who wasn’t so cocky if you know what I mean.

        • ERIN 25 December 2011 at 6:25 pm Permalink

          See, that’s the problem with your situation. Well, mostly. I mean, it sounds to me like he had low self esteem before you even got with him, and then when he came out of the Navy his head got really big because his appearance changed. I can almost bet that he was thinking “wow, look at my hot body now. I think ill see what else is out there because I’m a superficial asshole and I ain’t settling, even if I know I love my girlfriend.” Not to sound mean, but that ONE website is wrong. If he tries to initiate contact, you should never respond because that’s exactlyy what he wants. He knows you’re hurting and he must think its funny to see just how much he can hurt you. And seriously, no contact neans absolutely ZERO CONTACT. You should not care one bit about how he feels if you don’t respond to him. Are you afraid to hurt his feelings or what? You need to think about YOU! He hurt YOU! I do empathize with you, but for what its worth, you know you’re better than the way he has treated you. Don’t feed into his mind games. He’s clearly a total dick who’s only thinking with exactly that…..his dick! Lol. I bet he has some type of std. Haha. He doesn’t deserve you. And believe me, I’m kind of in the same shoes with the marriage and having a family thing….I’m always worried if every single guy I come across will turn out to be the biggest liar I’ve ever met. I don’t trust anyone because like you, my ex left me pretty much out of the blue, it was just under different circumstances. One day he loved me, the next he was burnin rubber and dumped me. Oh well, life goes on and so will yours. If there’s any other advice I can give then by all means, ask me if you want. I’m always happy to listen. Guys are friggin idiots!

          • Sallycat 26 December 2011 at 11:24 am Permalink

            I agree. Men suck. If they only want one thing then they should completely avoid relationships all together from the get go. When I look back on things there were times where he was a sweetheart, but there were other times where he made weird comments that angered me. For instance, he once told me that if we had children he would have our childrens names tatooed on him, but not mine. Shows a lack in faith in our relationship, right? I guess I should be thankful we never had kids together.

            There was also a time where he told me I’d have beautiful kids, even if it’s with another man in case he and I don’t work out. This was WHILE we were dating! And he was serious. He just has such weird comments. Again this showed a lack in faith in our relationship.

            Oh well, at least I know what to avoid next time in the next relationship. And I will follow the no contact rule this time so I can move on. I really hope I meet a REAL MAN one day, if you know what I mean. A man who is able to commit to one woman and be happy with her I mean.

  171. Paula 24 December 2011 at 1:20 pm Permalink

    Sallycat,
    This person is not worth your time. He is a loser, a creep and an arsehole. You are so much better off without this person in your life. Meet someone new.

  172. Michelle 25 December 2011 at 12:40 am Permalink

    The “No Contact rule” is a definite if there is any chance of reconciliation between couples who have broken up. My fiance left me a little over 2 months ago. I was in really bad shape emotionally and mentally, but I knew if I would have contacted him right after he dumped me, a 2nd rejection would have pushed me over the edge, so I just left it alone.
    I sent him a text about a month ago and all it said was “Hi”. I left it open to him to respond and if not I would have known there was no hope. He texted me back the next day with “Hi” and that was the opening I was praying for. He was in the area, said he would buy me a soda if I would meet him. We met up, got to talking and have been back together almost a month now. We had time to see what was wrong in our relationship before that caused the break up. We haven’t “started over”, we’ve made a “new beginning”.
    I believe we will be happily married by this time next year. Thank you Ashley. I wasn’t able to buy your whole series, sorry, but money was a BIG issue. Just the small tips, and tricks you provided for free helped me get back the man I love. If I hadn’t read the part about “NC”, I would have probably blown the whole thing and drove him away for good.
    Good luck to all those who are hurting. Try to follow Ashley’s advice, since she seems to know what she’s talking about. If your relationship is meant to be, it will happen. If not, work hard to move on and find a happiness with someone who will love and appreciate you like you deserve.

  173. neha 26 December 2011 at 4:41 am Permalink

    I am Neha here.
    I was in a relationship with a guy since last 3 yrs. We liked and love each other a lot. He was very possessive for me and cares a lot for me. His family don’t likes me, and were planing for marrying by end of this year. We had a fight 3 months ago for a very stupid reason. he create an issue out of that n stopped talk to me, he stopped calling me. even I was angry so even I didnt call him for 2 weeks. N after that I got insured and start calling him and messaging him. but he replied me that he don’t want things back now. Since then I am calling him crying n messaging him but he is not responding and saying I don’t want this relation. Then I stop callg him or messaging him. I done that for a week. But Recently I come to know that he is trying for other girls might be he is in a relation with someone. Please help me out tell me wat should I do. I can’t live without him…. Please Please Please help me out urgently I really love him but he dont any more… I don’t understand how could a man who is loves me so much can leave me like this and is not caring abt me…
    Please reply me ASAP. Please help me
    Thanks

  174. Reality Check 26 December 2011 at 12:33 pm Permalink

    This makes the assumption that your ex really cares what your doing in the first place. Most don’t and will see through this b.s. attempt and you won’t get any response back anyway. It may be just me, but trying to get somebody back by using “tricks” is no way to have a healthy relationship. Here is what works; they dumped you, so disappear, don’t contact them, keep your dignity and self respect. As hard as it may be, work on improving your life without your ex. Evaluate what went wrong and what role you played in the relationship failing, work on that…for you…not your ex. If they decide to change their mind they know how to get in touch with you and they will. And if they do, just stop playing games.

    • Erin 23 February 2012 at 4:30 pm Permalink

      Amen to that! Lol. Great advice. I played games like that with my ex boyfriend because it was pure entertainment to me. I learned pretty quickly that I needed to grow up and move on with my life. I didn’t play games because I wanted him back. No no no. I did it just to be a bitch, which I also know was wrong, but I can’t change the past. I recently stopped all contact with him after months of us still sleeping together while being broken up. I’m the type of chick who can handle sleeping with their ex without any emotional attachments. Thank god! Lol. Its kinda getting old though. I find him boring now, but I haven’t exactly told him. I’m pretty much just ignoring him, hoping he will go away eventually. Will he? He texts me once everyday, but I never reply. I feel kind of bad for ignoring him, but at the same time I don’t care that much. I have no obligations right? What’s a girl to do?

  175. Lauren 29 December 2011 at 10:09 am Permalink

    Hi my situation is rather unique and I’d greatly appreciate no judgement…

    To keep it short, February of 2011 I met a guy in my majors program. I had gotten out of a very emotionally draining relationship a year before this that had really changed my perspective on love. For once I didn’t want to be in a relationship, I didn’t even believe on love anymore. And I was a person that had lived for love, passion…

    When I met this guy I had an intuitive gut feeling, if you will, that made me feel like he was someone I would end up with. Because of what I had been though and my changing beliefs I really rejected my gut feeling. To the point where I’d be resentful that I couldn’t shake this belief off. This was not a biased feeling whatsoever.

    But he was a really nice guy and we became friends and maybe a little more than friends if you catch my drift. He was always helping me and been a friend. I felt like he was interested but reserved because we are kind of opposites and I did reject him a lot and made it more about the benefits to avoid my own feelings.

    June I confessed I wanted more… I finally gave into myself. Unfortunately at this time he was finding himself a gf. The first month they were dating was chaotic because. He seemed really confused and didn’t know what he wanted but I think he put a lot of emphasis on our differences. We didn’t see each other for a month and a half. When we met up he told me after the fact thatch missed me and it seemed to have reignited something in him because before he got back from his week long out of country volunteer program he was already trying to make plans with me for when he got back. When he got back, something happened… Idk what but we didn’t end up hanging out.

    Until the end of august he agreed to help me move into my new apartment. We also had a class together that semester. I am ashamed to admit this bc I never thought I’d do such a thing… But we cheated together a couple of times.

    We tried to remain friends and he doesn’t seem like he wants to cut me out but lately since the last time we hooked up he seemed regretful and he has always been a busy person with work and life. But I also deleted my fb and school is over so contact has been a bit minimal anyways…

    I know what you will all say. Why be with someone who has cheated when he may as well cheat on you. I’d like to skip all of this because I have thought long and hard about the consequences of getting into a relationship him the opportunity arises. I am prepared and willing. That is my own judgement call and decision, and like to leave it at that.

    But in regards to this forum… Could no contact help me get him back? And back as more than what we were?

    I’m scared to write him a letter because we have had conversations in the past where he just gets defensive and resistant and thinks I’m only convincing him. And perhaps to an extent I was… I truly feel that him being in a relationship is a major part in why communication is hard between us. I also feel strongly his relationship is based off of fear, insecure, and because it’s predictable.

    I really know that once. We get through some barriers, our relationship can be great. I really don’t know what to do to get him back =’( I love him…

    A letter and no contact? Then what?
    Please help

  176. Jack 31 December 2011 at 1:28 pm Permalink

    Like any break-up, the story is a long one because there are so many nuances and context. My girlfriend broke up with me on Dec 19, two days before she flew out for the holidays. I was not going and she said she understood (essentially, and this is a character flaw I admit, but I didn’t think I would be too comfortable spending Christmas with her family with less than a year under our belt together. The fact that we were together for 10 months should have allowed me some flexibility, I know, but as I said, we talked it over and although she said she didn’t need that kind of “marker of time”, she was fine with it and we had it all planned that I would look after her dog during this time). The long and the short of it is that she said that she did not want me to take this personally, but “you did nothing wrong”. She said that she had been thinking about it for the past couple of months and that she thought that there should be “something more” and that she couldn’t see us in the future. She also said that she’s freaked out in the past with other guys but “I don’t think I’m freaking out this time”.

    Now the context. She will be 34 and I will be 41, both turning in February. The ‘three little words’ were never uttered between us but we had our ways of letting each other know how much we “really liked” each other. Perhaps both of us were waiting for the other to say it? I do not doubt for a second that she didn’t love me through much of our time together as I do not doubt my love for her. Chalk this one up to two frightened people who see the future coming at them, perhaps? I don’t know.

    The problem is this: On the advice of a couple of friends, as well as confirmed by another couple of friends after the fact, I wrote her a handwritten letter and left it in her mailbox for when she returned earlier this week. I did not want it to be a “please take me back” letter, with the requisite begging and apologies. Rather, I wanted it to be focused solely on my feelings for her that I had wanted to say for a long time but was waiting for the right moment to say (And before anyone answers, I answered that question in my letter by saying that it’s obvious to me now that “any time is the perfect time”. Again, this is part of my need for time “markers” so I do have a lot to apologize for.). My hypothesis was that with all the pressures she was facing in the last couple of months including: the anniversary of her Mother’s passing, serious financial and interpersonal pressures due to incidents with her dog, starting a new set of work responsibilities at another location, plus it being Christmastime, on top of that, she may have felt as if she didn’t know where she stood with me and may have felt that I wasn’t serious or committed enough. In other words, she may not have known where she stood with me and, rather than talk it through, she decided to get rid of the easiest and easist-replacable thing, namely me. My letter outlined all that I felt with respect to her and our future together, including family.

    I left the letter in her mailbox without any expection of receiving a response. I don’t know why, I just didn’t. And I haven’t. As you can imagine, that part is killing me. But as all my confidants have said, and they have been unanimous in this, it was exactly the right thing to do to state how I felt, clearly and without ambiguity. They also said, unanimously (these are all separate conversations too) that there could be no more contact from me and that if she responds it will be on her time. However, it was pointed out, now she knows. And if there were ever any doubts in her mind, they have (hopefully) been exorcised.

    I realize that my missive may have been seen as a desperate act by a hurt man. I get that. And up to a point, that’s correct. After all, nothing focuses the mind like an execution in the morning. But, and this cannot be stressed enough, these are all things that I have felt and thought and was going to spell out and confess in the very, very near future. Which is to say in the first few days and weeks of the year. But now, it has been ripped from me and although I’m told I did nothing wrong, I know I must have. For the record, we never once argued/fought. There was some moodiness, at times, but that’s to be expected. I’m sure I’m leaving out a few other negative moments but I mention that only to buttress the point that they were minor in nature and not full blown rows.

    I’m not even sure I have a question to ask of anyone. This writing has been rather cathartic so for that, I thank anyone who takes the time to read. It wasn’t easy and, despite my attempts at brevity, it’s still a fairly lengthy message. I guess if anyone has any thoughts they can share, they would be appreciated. I have been through my share of heartache in my life (never married) but I truly, truly believed that I had stumbled upon happiness. For awhile there, I dare say, so did she. But I guess I just wasn’t enough. And that’s the part that kills me.

  177. Sara 31 December 2011 at 6:16 pm Permalink

    my bf and I were together for 7 years and he broke up with me about 10 months ago. we have had other break ups before (a couple) and have gotten back together after like a month or so. The previous break ups all happened after our friend (his very close friend) committed suicide about a year and a half ago and my bf has not really dealt with it yet.
    we kept in touch while broken up even when i went overseas to visit my dad for 5 months we sent each other fb msgs including bday wishes and even flirted a bit like when we first started going out. I called him twice when i was away. The 1st time was very casual and comfortable and the 2nd time i brought up getting back together and how i could see some of my stuff that bugged him. he basically said to me that we have given this thing enough chances and that its not fair for me to come back after 4-5 months and getting him all confused again. I told him that the chances we gave each other were too soon cuz we never had the chance to reflect back and that i just want to him to think about it. at the end of the convo (i think as a last resort) he said he is dating someone. I acted completely cool with it and said i’m sure she’s nice but she’ll never be what i was to you, just like no guy will ever be what you were to me. i also told him that while being away i met someone (a friend) who had all the stuff i always wanted him to have (be able to argue about everything! yeah i know! but i wanna be a lawyer so…) but it was not attractive to me anymore and made me realize what i had was in fact what i wanted. After our convo he went to fb and changed his relationship status to “in a relationship” which is so weird that all of a sudden you’re doing this! So I have been back home for about 3 months now. We keep in casual contact like every week or so we text each other to see how the other is doing but i never brought up getting back together again. I have seen him about 7-8 times now, most of it was his idea.Once i gave him a whole bunch of stuff i had brought back for him to let him know i was thinking about him. He loved all of it. I have seen him with friends and also alone. He always seems to want to make the night longer. It starts with meeting up and leads to dinner and then coffee… this is usually when we’re with friends. He still pays for my food, we share food and sit next to eachother. I’ve been told that to other people it looks the same as it always did, like we’re still dating! When we’re alone he seems very comfortable like usual, he has played with my hair commenting on the fact that i had straightened it (i have naturally curly hair), he has smacked me on my ass or bit my ass as a joke, he has ticked me, sat on top of me and grabbed my boobs as a joke while i’m lying on his bed (and i could tell he was excited if u know what i mean!!), and now last week when i took him some coffee while he was at work, we were saying goodbye and he kissed me on the lips, very quick, more like a peck like he usually does when he says goodbye. I thought it was a reflex and i looked to see if he’ll get nervous or apologize but he just smiled, held my hand for a sec and walked off. A couple of days later he texted me again and we met up for coffee, he was very casual, commented on my boobs and bra as a joke but then something happened. He walked off to take a phone call and i had his ipod. I clicked on his mail and found a couple of emails from a girl with a picture of her with the words “Love you, i’m sorry :(” on the pic. One email has the colored picture and one has a black and while pic, same pic, same words. and there was one email to her with no text, just the subject “love you”!!! Do you think he is in love with this new person now? she is not here, she is long distance but i have seen him text people when we’re out with friends. What do you think i should do??? I really want him back. it was 7 years :(( and i love him soo much.
    Also you should know that i am 28 and he is 26. He hasn’t found himself yet, doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life which is one of the reasons he gave me for breaking up. He doesn’t wanna hold me back (bullshit!!!). This guy is so bad at talking and communicating so i’m afraid if i say anything to him about wanting to be back again he’ll just say no and that’ll push him back 20 steps. he has also commented on fb after seeing me one night that being in love is so hard and you shouldn’t fall in love cuz it f**s u over!! and basically how much he is hurting!! but he f***ing doesn’t do anything!! if you read his statuses it sounds more like i cheated on him and left him with a broken hard which is absolutely not true!!! my friends think he needs to play the field before coming back cuz he didn’t really date before dating me when he was 18. i’m also really close with his family especially his sister.
    anyways… please tell me what u think i should do… i really need to get him back…

  178. SWW 1 January 2012 at 7:38 am Permalink

    Hi All,
    I don’t know if my experiences will help anyone, but here’s my two cents. The last guy I dated was only 4 months, but he had broken up with me 3 times with the same reason “he lost his interest/feelings”. In retrospect, I had treated him too well and he lost interest as the challenge was over. The first time he brought it up, which was only 2 months in, I walked away right when he said it. He came back 2 days later regretting the decision. One month later he wanted to break up again for the same reason. I was a bit of a mess at that point, as I had felt at fault for what had happened. I called/texted and he ignored me, and I started to feel quite insecure. So I sent him an email trying to convince him to try again. He emailed back to give him a few days to think things through. He came back after a few days wanting to try things again. I THOUGHT it was the end of the roller coaster ride, until he broke up with me ONE WEEK later. He gave me the whole, why don’t we just be friends and WHO knows what will happen down the road (fyi I don’t want to give you false hope). That was when I finally decided I was done, and I didn’t contact him afterwards. He sent me multiple messages a few days later asking to meet up, which I agreed to since I wanted to end this “friendship” with him as well return all his things. It was difficult to grasp a whole of my emotions, but I acted like nothing was wrong. At one point he did try to hold my hand and I just walked off. I had no interest in being his “back up” while he gets used to things. I also found out from a friend that he had met up with his ex girlfriend couple days after he broke up with me, and she was trying to get him back. I think it’s very important for us girls to stand up for ourselves, and not let a guy toy around with us like this. If you show that you’re strong and independent, guys can’t help but look at you differently. Long story short, I had to defriend him twice, when he was expecting me to chase after him/being depressed about the break up. I took all the extra time to improve myself and lost some weight. Through a mutual friend, I knew he was starting to regret his decision, and the ex girlfriend issue became less and less of an issue as I showed my growing confidence that I didn’t need him at all. So even if a guy has been out scouting for a girl, don’t let that get to you. Believe in yourself! If you treat yourself like a prize, you’ll turn him into a believer. Anyways, my ex is now chasing after me as I have been playing the hot and cold game. He sends me 3 messages and I answer 1 after a few hours later. He’s shown up to my work to have lunch unannounced (he wouldn’t have lunch with me when we were together) but I didn’t answer his calls/text so he went away empty handed. When he wanted to do something, I made it a few days away so it wasn’t a last minute date that he’s just using you when he has free time. MAKE HIM work around your schedule and not the other way around. When he does come around don’t look too eager even though you’re ecstatic to have him back. It’s okay to make him work for it. Men are born hunters, they like the challenge. I hope this helps:)

    • Esha 11 January 2012 at 3:58 pm Permalink

      Nicely said SWW!!!!!!

  179. adi 1 January 2012 at 5:37 pm Permalink

    I and my gf is in long distance relationship .. we were close till six month till then it was great as we had many beautiful moments together but since it has become a long distance than she started ignoring and talking about this and that.. creates various issues and fights although it has been a year for our relation ship.. she says how can we call it one year when we are not together.. i am sad aand shocked that she has forgot those times when we were together. i love her and even can’t leave her.. i m feeling like in a stranded ship in the middle of the ocean.. what should i do???? how can i make her understand my feelings for her??

  180. GEORGIOS_SAMARAS 3 January 2012 at 9:15 am Permalink

    Hi, I’m a male 18 year old and the sitaution I am in, is this girl doesn’t love me anymore. We had been freinds for sometime and about 4 months ago i found out that she loved me. I liked her but i didn’t know exactly what i wanted from her and was too scared to try anything with her, i wanted to kiss her so many times and had lots of opportunities but never quite did it, she quite often complained that i didn’t to kiss her or whatever. Then about 1 month ago i noticed she was flirting with a few other guys, this really hurt me and i realized i loved her back. But she didn’t love me anymore and we argue all the time. I can’t stop thinking about her and really want her to love me back again, she knows this now but says she doesn’t love me back and doesn’t think anything can change that, she says she still wants to be friends though and is scared of losing me as a friend. I hate myself for not trying anything or asking her out while i had the opportunity and very much regret it. You don’t realize what you had until you don’t have it i guess. But I’ve been thinking if she once loved me their must be a part of her that still does and if i play my cards right i might win her back? I need help and tips on what to do next. Any help would be greatly appreciated, I know i love her now and i would do anything for things to be back to how they used to be and to have another go with her.

    • ERIN 3 January 2012 at 12:56 pm Permalink

      If you love her, TELL HER!! If you are arguing all the time then knock it off. You’re young and clearly too immature for a real relationship. I don’t have much sympathy for you because if you had sooooo many ooportunities to kiss her then why didn’t you just go for it? Feelings of fear and maybe even rejection are normal, but you didn’t act on your feelings and you pretty much have lost your chances with her unles you grow some balls and just talk to her. Grow up or leave her alone. Until you tell her, she has absolutely ZERO obligations to stop dating other guys. She can do what she wants. My advice is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and do the right thing. Don’t drag this shit out any longer. K.

  181. nali 4 January 2012 at 12:38 am Permalink

    Hi Im a 21 yr old female and i dont know what to do to get my boyfriend back. we only date for almost 3 months. At first he started being distant from me hot & cold, never text me unless i do it first. He got to the point where he started to leave me stood up when we were suppose to meet up on dates. he left me stood up like 5 times always with some lame excuses. The thing that bothers me is that we didnt have “the talk” he just stopped texting me and ignored my text, so i didnt know where do we stand in this relationship. I decided no to contact him for one week and then came back to him and he was acting like nothing has happened. Ater that we went on a date and then he left after two hours cause supposed he got pissed off at me. after that i decided not to contacted him and dissapeared for three weeks and he was being nice thru text and he said that he will see me “one of these day”. And after that day i continue contacting him and he was being sweet and nice with me showing me sign that he want something with me. What can i do? the last text that i sent him was for new year and he didnt even respond back to me. should i go no contact again for a long period of time? Or should i send him a letter accepting the break-up and saying that im moving on? (remenber, we never have the talk”). He also told me that i will hear from him whenever i text him, cause he never text first, that his analogy. He”s doing that cause he knows that i would do anything for him i have even beg him and thats why he do it cause he knows that soon or later i will contact him. He got me in the palm if his hand. I will send him the letter through text cause i dont have his email neither his adddress. should i send him the letter now? Or will he thinks that im playing mind trick on him? Remenber he is a bit like a narcissist he dont show feeling but i know that he feel something for me, “he said that he missed talking with me” so thats a major sign.

  182. Rebecca 5 January 2012 at 3:17 am Permalink

    So me and my boyfriend were inseprible, and one day he told me he loved me, I thought it was to fast but hearing it made me really happy so I sadi it back, and I would tell him I loved him everyonce in a while and he would say it back, but it got to the point I always said it first. Then I got in some trouble and couldnt see him outside of school for a week, and he was always hanging out with his bestfriend (who is a girl) (pretty but not really) it made me kinda jelous and I did confront him about it and he responded with thats my best friend I have known her for 3 yrs. Which I understand, after that he started bieng stand-off-ish and puttin his friends before me, unlike he did in the begining of our relationship. Finally I confronted him again (not arguing) and he said he loved me but he wasnt in love with me, and I asked if it was over and he said we would talk about it tomorrow, which we didnt. So the next day I asked himif we were over he said idk, then i said its simple do you want me or not and he said no. The next day he texted me saying “sorry for just dumping that on you and not explaining but im not ready for something serious right now! I hope we can be friends but i feel like you like me more than i like you and i dont want to keep leading you on” then later a bunch of our friends were at McDonalds and my bestfriend was talking to him and he told her he still liked me and i wasnt clingy but i was too serious for our age. I WANT HIM BACK, ITS ALL I THINK ABOUT. How do I show him that we were amazing together and that we can slow down, and how do i make him go nuts for me back!

  183. vera 5 January 2012 at 7:40 pm Permalink

    I am so happy to inform you that my boy friend and I got back together on Sunday. I don’t think that things would have worked out the way they did if I hadn’t done the leave my man alone spell. I think by doing so, it allowed him to realize and remember how wonderfully happy we made each other, better yet it made (I know not literally made but you know what I mean) miss it so much to nearly break down into tears twice in public when he was trying to tell me about it. Thanks to Dr (babauyitemple@yahoo.com) you are really a powerful spell caster..i love your spell..

    • Beth 11 January 2012 at 12:00 pm Permalink

      Congrats Vera… That is awesome news

  184. vishal 6 January 2012 at 5:04 am Permalink

    i need a biggggggggggg advice from u …i read things here and i am not sure if u do answer things personally in mail…… i want to tell u the whole stuff and i need u to guide me….and i need it as soon as possible too as she wil be wedded within 10 days …so can u just lemme know where i need to mail u about it ….

    eagerly waiting for ur reply on my mail

  185. Dave 6 January 2012 at 10:17 am Permalink

    Ok, you remember a while ago, on 20th of December I posted something to get my ex-back… well it worked… I was going out having fun, I met another woman, had a sexual encounter with this other woman… told my ex that I had moved on and found someone else.. she got really pissed off… some reason she asked me to come around because she said she just wanted sex from me… she said this is so wrong, I said I know but its fun… while I was down on her she said – I have to tell you something I said what, she said I had sex with another man, I told her thats fine, I had sex with another woman, we both looked at each other and laughed it off as we where officially broken up.. and I continued having the best guilty sex with her I had for a while… few days later she rang up and said I cannot go through with this anymore – we where both quite emotional, I wrote her another long letter saying I just want to enjoy life and have fun, she called the next day and agreed. She called again and said lets catch up, so we did, she then txt’d me that night saying she really enjoyed my company again and wanted to catch up again but for a 1 on 1 session (yes sex)… she said I don’t know what overcame me, but I just wanted to kiss you… now this is only the early stages… so I need to play it cool….

  186. Alexis 6 January 2012 at 5:30 pm Permalink

    Me and my boyfriend been over for a while now and I really miss him… I want us to work it but clearly he didn’t think so, I want to move on but I can’t if I don’t have closure… I just want him back in my life

    • Beth 11 January 2012 at 11:55 am Permalink

      What do you need for closure? What is the one thing you can do to feel better about moving on? I was seeing a guy for about 6 months and was crazy about him. He and I got to the point that we didn’t even talk BC of the girl he was seeing and her jealousy of me. So for me it was an email. I knew it was over and he was never coming back. So I emailed since I just couldn’t shake the big sad face girl looking at a me every morning. I got it all out of my system and I didn’t get mean. I was pretty straight and to the truth. Then I ended by telling him I would not try to contact him again. Then I put it behind me. I still thought about it every once in a while but not near as often. Then started realizing that there are ppl in my life that have been waiting for me to get over it. lol So I am dating and although there is no one special yet I am having fun waiting for him to come along.

  187. Charlie 7 January 2012 at 4:53 am Permalink

    Hi, I’ve been with my ex for 6 years. There were some existent issues that we didn’t manage to iron out throughout our relationship, and I guess in the end I couldn’t make her feel secure nor did enough to maintain the sparks in the relationship and she wanted to break up. It has been 3 months since the breakup, and I have committed all the mistakes I should have avoided during the first 2 months after our breakup, until I suddenly snapped out of it and realised I was probably hurting her and myself even more when she either ignored me or started arguing with me. I told her I was going to change my ways and the undesirable attitudes she saw in me and come back for her, and hoped that she could at least treat me as a friend in the meantime. However, I still slipped back into my emotional mode a few times and sent her some long msgs. She said it’s not the way if i still wanted to at least be friends with her, and I quickly apologised and started no contact with her for close to a week. I sent her the letter on the 4th day of NC, and she should have received it by now, but so far her attitude has been cold.

    I’m really worried if the letter has any impact on her, as she has tried to convince me to move on several times during the previous 3 months, and at one time she said she does not feel anything for me anymore. I really love her, and I hope I can have another chance to give her the kind of love she truly deserves. What should I do if she continues to ignore me or not have any reaction?

  188. Beth 9 January 2012 at 1:59 pm Permalink

    I was the dumper but I had good reason. My guy was a habitual date canceler or not even call to cancel and not always apologize the next day guy. My time is important also and I am not to be taken for granted. He started out as a good guy but things changed early on. I am mothering and I forget that by not allowing the guy to cattier to me to some degree I am emasculating him and making it seem as though I am chasing him. That is not the case but it does appear that way from his side. I have been on the side so I know. The last time he stood me up he had a valid reason but I had enough. He sent a text not even a phone call. I gave a short response but afterwards I sent an email. I didn’t say the words but it was pretty clear I was not going to be taken for granted anymore. I didn’t ask him to call me to discuss it though. If I could go back I might have been able to keep the good guy but I cant. So now I will just move on from this point and if he calls then maybe but if he doesn’t then I have learned something from this. It has been a week and no response so I guess we shall see. FYI this girl is not sitting around waiting though. I have joined a dance class and have plans to go out with friends and a nice guy that I know has invited me to go to a museum with him. We are just going as friends but you never know how things might turn out. My ex-guy may be over the idea of me and move on to another girl . So I have to give up on the idea unless it presents itself to me. Wish me luck!!

  189. Brian 10 January 2012 at 2:58 am Permalink

    Ok so my girlfriend broke up with me in September. She said at first that she wanted to stay friends and that I was the only guy she wanted in life. She said she knows she will not be happy with anybody but me. We are both in the military and stationed at the same base. I deployed for 6 months. So about 2 months into the relationship is when she broke up with me. It seems like she is doing all the stuff above. She has said she dont love me anymore, said she is talking to somebody that makes her happier than i ever did, cut off all communication with me except when i call her cell phone and then she only talks to me a little bit. She told me i am her ex and her ex for a reason and she never talks to any of her ex’s. But she also told me i was her one and only and i was the best thing that ever happened to her. I will be done with my deployment in about 3 weeks and going back to our base. I asked if i could just see her when i get back and she said no. But its crazy to think that last time she saw me…we were in love. I have done a lot over here to try to get her back. I have written her poems and stuff, but was not gonna share them with her until i get back to Italy. Cause i dont know if she will even listen to them or just tell me to leave. This deployment has been horrible and not having the thing i love has been even worse. No matter what she keeps saying to me, she is the only girl i want to be with and the only thing i think about. Should i try to talk to her when i go back? I was just gonna stop by her house and try to talk to her and share those poems with her. They are true from my heart and i have never been this open with a girl. I want to show her that i will always be there for her and that i have become a better person. But with everything she has been saying, should i really do that or am i only setting myself up for more heartbreak? She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. And the only thing i want in life is to be there for her everyday. I have so much on my heart i want to tell her. So i am just trying to get advice on what i should do once i actually get back to her and she is right there even if she has told me not to see her? Please any advice would greatly be appreciated.

  190. Angela 10 January 2012 at 3:59 am Permalink

    This is a crazy one…I have not dated in awhile. Just been focusing on me. Some friends of mine encouraged me to try a dating website. I did and met a great guy. We have been dating for about for months and have become intimate, we live about an hour apart but spend every weekend together. He will not put the “exclusive” mark on us but like I said…we only see eachother. Anyway…he dated a girl about a year and a half and he wouldn’t commit so they broke up. Now she is living with someone else etc. Well we have been completely honest with one another and he tells me he still loves her. I know this girl…she is NOT coming back to him but he still wonders. He has feelings for me though and says he don’t wanna loose me. What do I do? We have even talked about trying to contact her and tell her how he feels!!!HELP?????

  191. Esha 11 January 2012 at 2:49 pm Permalink

    Me and ex have been over for a month now, (LDR) I dumped him cuz of some lying about usual stuff that he could simply come out and tell me the truth. I did send him some nasty emails deleted him off my fb ….and he blocked me and didn’t reply to my emails except 1 and of course he was mean about it too. Couple of days ago i did send some chocolates and some simple flowers….and apologized for being so rude with my emails, i felt so bad so sick to my stomach that how i could be so mean! I havnt got no thanks yet for them, and its not like he didnt do nothing wrong. Today I signed into my fb and he has another fb account ….I’m just wondering is it to check up on me? He still has me blocked on his old account.

    • Esha 11 January 2012 at 4:08 pm Permalink

      Nevermind I guess he blocks that particular fb account from public

  192. Gray 13 January 2012 at 8:12 am Permalink

    Hey everyone, i could really use your help as im so confused! My Girlfriend (ex) and i broke up about 3 weeks ago, we had been together for 6 years and we have a 3 year old son together, this isnt the first time we have broken up, we broke up 2 years ago for 14 months, and during that time i done what any decent man would do and i fought for my family, we finaly got back together 7 months ago and have split again :( .. we are each others first love’s and have been together since teenagers.. anyway, we broke up 3 weeks ago and we were both to blame for it, she showed me a total lack of respect for me, so i ended the relationship out of anger. Unfortunately i never really wanted us to break up, it was a silly arguement that got out of control. anyway, this is were it gets confusing to me.. she lives in a different area to me after the last time we broke up she found somewere else to live, i have to see her twice a week because of our son, so the no contact thing kind of goes out of the window in our situation, but last week when i picked up our son, she was really affectionate with me, (holding my hand, cuddling me, couple of little kisses) she even told me that she loves me soo much and misses me a lot, then when we cuddled i asked her if we would sort this out, and she promised me that we would.. 6 days ago she was going on a night out with her friends and i had our son with me… i told her on facebook to have a good night and that i loved her, she reply’ed with.. i love you too, cant wait to see you! BUT we ended up having a bit of an arguement the day after.. anyway, now she is saying that she never wants to be with me again, that she doesnt miss me at all, and that she wants to start dating other people to see what its like, as i am all she knows.. how can somebody say that they love you and miss you so much’ and that they will sort things out with you, and then in the space of 3 days tell you that they don’t want a relationship with you again and that they dont miss you.. :’( i love her with all of my heart, and cant stand being apart from her.. i cant eat, cant sleep, cant think of nothing other than her and our son.. she isnt really talking to me now and she is ignoring a lot of my messages. i wanted to try the no contact thing during the week while i dont have our son, i was going to start that today, but when i went on facebook i had a message from her and didnt want to ignore her.. can anybody shed any light on what i should do? do you think that she really loves me and that in time we can be ok and be together again? Please help me…. thanks for taking the time to read this. any advice is greatly appreciated.

  193. Tre 14 January 2012 at 12:08 am Permalink

    Hey guys… My ex broke up with me little less then a week ago and she has been telling people that she will never get back with me… We dated for a good 7 months and then just fell apart at a bonfire where me and my brother got into a fight.. Any ideas…

  194. Lauren 15 January 2012 at 4:12 am Permalink

    Hey Guys- I wanted to send out a bit of hope!

    I posted a while back about my situation which is very different from a typical relationship. We were just friends with benefits and have been over for 8 months. Although we remained friends, and things were certainly complicated… I still made myself emotionally available and expressed openly that I had feelings for him. So my situation was pretty hopeless at this point… Because for these past 8 months, he had a girlfriend.

    Okay, so I was at my wits end of being emotionally drained over this. I had one last option and that was to revert back to the person he liked in the beginning- when I showed no interest and was confident in myself.

    I didn’t write a letter, because that would have just made no impact at all and he would have been onto my ‘game’. I just stopped initiating contact. Infact, I deleted myfacebook for a while to focus on me. I stopped listening to music that reminded me of him and avoided engaging in anything that would have sentimental value.

    Believe me, it was hard and I honestly doubted that this would work. I imagined it would take longer than 3-4 weeks because of our situation and as time went on I began to think that he was probably happy I wasn’t ‘around’ anymore and he could finally move on. In some sense, this was good for me to come to this realization in this way because I WAS FINALLY ACCEPTING this rather someone else trying to spell it out for me. Taking tihs time to focus on me, which I can’t say I still have it all together, but I can say I feel strangely more empowered by moving forward in this hard to get manner and am hopeful for a new beginning with him or anyone for that matter.

    My good friend came to visit me and I really needed this, because he is the love of my life I am not sure I could ever actually be with. Nevertheless, he is my best friend and him being here has shifted my focus a lot. Yes, this next bit was somewhat intentional but at the same time not vindictive or manipulative to get what I wanted. Merely hoping it would plant a seed. Well, the day of my friends departure, I reactivated my facebook, posted a photo of us, and briefly mentioned that I enjoyed his company and it was just what I needed. I didn’t try to make it seem like there was anything more.

    What I’ve learned and what you should all really know is: People don’t want the honest truth. We say we do, we say we want you to be upfront, but people really rather imply things on their own.

    Ironically, only two and a half weeks later, on this day, my ‘ex’ if you will texted me. Not facebooked me- he texted me. A simple message and poor attempt to let me know he was reminded of me that day because of something he knew I loved had been presented to him. It was just something little and sentimental that clearly had value for him to feel the urge to message me after a while of not talking to let me know he was ‘thinking of me’. Now he tries to talk to me on facebook and I’ve just been friendly but not eager to keep the conversation engaging- and I notice when I don’t, he is asking questions because its apparent he is confused I suddenly am not as invested in him.

    He still has his gf- but I noticed that towards the end before I stopped talking to him he would mention her a lot almost like to make a point to me that hes over me. Now he hasn’t mentioned her and just says hes been ‘bored’, ‘not up to much’, and can’t wait for school to start to keep busy again… Kind of odd when your on break and you have more time to spend with your girlfriend if you ask me. Instead of trying to let me know hes still happy, he is leaving it ‘open’. This whole time off, I feel like I can see more clearly and read the lines. Yeah, I am still subjective to the situation, but I am keeping myself strong so that I can make the next best move.

    I know this isn’t the happy ending… yet. But I feel like if this is working itself out for me, then this can certainly work for people with longer, monogamous relationships where love was involved. Especially if the break up was fresh.

    Its okay to doubt if this no contact thing will work. I didn’t think I’d be open to moving on in my trying this out- but youll be surprised at how this time can shift your perspective, make you think more clearly, and fall back into the person you were that the other loved so much before.

    I think the letter is optional and only if you think you truly know how the other person could react. Otherwise, no contact for a month could be a great start. I’d suggest removing yourself from a lot of social media and spend some true authentic time with close friends and new hobbies. Find yourself. Instead of playing the act tht your better off, moved on, and doing great- truly be that. The results will be great, one way or another.

  195. Esha 15 January 2012 at 2:08 pm Permalink

    I was in a long distance relationship ….it ended in Dec ….I just had enough of his lies and him talking about himself. I deleted him off my fb (he has so many ex gfs on his fb)I sent him a few nasty emails and he blocked me on fb! It was a very hard month especially when u hav Christmas and new years in there. I’ve noticed he stopped talking to me last year close to my birthday (and started talking again after my birthday) maybe because he didn’t have to get me anything. Anyways yesterday I was on my fb ….and saw him with one of his exgfs on her profile pic on fb. I at that time didn’t know what to think …..I was mad but was also trying to make excuses up for him. This morning I woke up with a clear head and sent him an email saying I know it all! …… And for once I don’t have any feelings that he should come back to me! I mean I was trying my best before to have him back, but it seems like his fb is his little black book! I know he still creeps my fb because he has another fb account that he privitzes to the general public. To all those people out there be careful who u fall in love with! Cuz at the end that guy or girl might not be worth crying or worrying over! Live your life to the fullest and go with your gut feeling and not with your heart! Esha!!!!!!!!!

  196. kim 17 January 2012 at 9:33 am Permalink

    I need help my ex dumped me about a month and i miss him alot but dont show it i havent talk to him like 2 weeks and i dont see him. do you think he misses me at one point. he is talking to some other girl. but we were together for 3 years and hjust miss him wat can i do to try talking to him again and this time hes the one begging me to get back with him.please help

  197. nadine 17 January 2012 at 1:56 pm Permalink

    well my boyfriend (8 months) broke up with me about a month ago cause apparently im selfish and never appreciated anything he did for me..he kept saying things like he still loves me but cant make it work now cause he has to much going with his family and yeah..then he starts dating another girl, they only lasted about a week and he told my friend he left her cause im his only, and all he wants is a little bit of attention and caring and just for m to make him feel special, yet he tlls me “lets just bee friends” ..i rekon h’s doing that for payback, like he wants too make me feel like shit whereas deep down he actually loves me (i know this for a fact from the he got really relieved after my friend broke it to him that i was only using this other guy to make my ex jealous, he was disapointed to find out we were “going out”. and the way his face lit up when he saw me about a week ago and he cae so close to me..
    when we were together h was like very serious and really wanted to come ask for my hand, i had told my mum bout him and that theres a guy that likes me bla bla bla, but i didnt exactly tell her he was my boyfriend..and the weird thing is he still asks bout my mum and if theres anything new bout her, finding out about him ndat, its really weird, almost like he still cares…..
    everytimg i try no contact something happens and we always end up speaking like pretty much everynight..we spoke yesterday, on facebook and he was saying its too late to make it work cause aparently i dont want a control freak like him this and that, almost like he’s trying to make me regret what happened and make me think its all my fault, then he said we can be friends and he logged out, so i sent him “that its either were together or nothing cause being friends with you would really hurt and for the first time im gonna do something FOR ME soo goodbye babey mwah mwah <3" and *deleted him* and im just waiting to see what happens after that when he logs back on tonight..

    i really love him and dont wanna be with anyone but hi, i'v done everything i could to get him back and i KNOW he still loves me, cause after the amount of shit thats happened he's still speaking to me, any other guy would've f****d me off by now, how can i make him show me his love, and chase me and want m back? hellppp ?!

  198. Kyrrah 18 January 2012 at 8:06 am Permalink

    My ex and I dated for just under five years and broke up because he thought things with us were too committed and he wasn’t ready to settle down and risk not having any experiences with any other women. We didn’t speak for just under three months and then when we did, it was like everything was brand new. We became closer and more open, we spoke about what happened and what we wanted, though unfortunately, he still did not want to pursue an emotional relationship. Physical however, was another story. At first I was strong, but sadly I gave in and I gave in for almost two years. We’ve gone back and forth over that time, talking about what we wanted and finally I decided that I wanted him back and for good. Also note, that neither one of us has dated or gone on a date during these years. I gave up letting anything physical happen between us and he’s now trying to pursue other women after having joined a dating site and I believe is now after some time having luck on said site. I fear that I may have caused too much damage by doing what I did, but even still to this day, he tells me that he cares for me and he knows that no one else will ever treat him as well as I did and will never be able to make him feel the way I did. I know that this may just be his way of keeping me on the back burner but he did love me once and I do believe he still cares for me, so how do I get around this mess I’ve gotten myself into and get him back? We regularly see each other due to social commitments with friends and we have become intertwined in each others lives. Without pulling away entirely so as not to make anyone think otherwise, how do I make him miss me enough to want to pursue me again? Do I just pretend and make him think I’m okay with everything, ‘pursue my own options’ and let that play with his head? Or is there something I can do without uprooting my life? At this point I’m willing to do or try anything because even if I sound like a crazy person, I really do believe he’s the one for me, just like he thought of me. I want to at least have a shot to make a second attempt at a relationship that made us happy for so many years or rather creating a new one that will hopefully last.

  199. leenie 20 January 2012 at 2:06 am Permalink

    hi ! i have been friends with an ex co-worker for over 6 years we started seeing eachother the last 3 years nothin exclusive ! however yesterday we had a arguement via text messaging and he said loose” his number ” I sent him a doz roses to apologize and texted him to the point of no return like im sorry please caall me etccc. he never called is that because he knows i want him ? do you suggest this letter ??

  200. Pascale 21 January 2012 at 6:24 am Permalink

    hi, i really need ur help. my ex and i broke up abt a month back and he has already started seeing someone…i ve pleaded and begged and done all the stuuffs im not supposed to do but he says he does still love me but he just cant leave the other girl bcause she’s so nice and hasnt wronged him in anyway. we stil remained friend and he ws still there for mee when i needed him. bt recently, i sent him an email telling him if what he and i shared meant that much to him,he wouldnt be with someoneelse. i love jim soo much and i kno he still feels the same. How do i undo de email i sent a e we deserve another chance together? Please help me to get him to realise we deserve to be together

  201. Andrew B 22 January 2012 at 6:58 am Permalink

    hey. my girl of 4 years recently broke up with me and two days latter got with another guy from her work. well after begging for about two weeks i decided to stop talking to her and after about a week and a half i texted her and she said she missed me. she came over that day and ended up crying because she said she felt back for being at my house when she had a BF. so i decided to stop talking to her again and its been about two weeks now and nothing has been said back and forth. i know i need to do something king of quick because her new BF is already trying to make plans for them to move in together. when should i make contact again? and what should i say the first time i do?

  202. Mike 23 January 2012 at 12:47 am Permalink

    I have been married for 3 years and with my significat other for 5 years. We went from planning the holidays to the very next day her packing up and saying she wanted a divorce. We have now been seperated for 2 and a half months and we have a young child together. When everything first started she really acted like she hated me. We went in and started the divorce proceedings, this is obviously not what i want at all. Well after a month of “hating” me and sayin how bad she wanted a divorce we are now in a “friendship” mode. I have tried the no contact thing and have gave in after a week or so. There are days when i can tell she misses what we had but then others she acts like she could care less. She has not mentioned anything about the divorce to me but i know she has told people its still in the process. So my question is now that we are actually talking, flirting, and getting along better what is the best step for me to take from here? I go through so many emotional ups and downs because there are days it feels like things are getting back to normal then others she wants nothing to do with me. i have read everything on the internet but what do i do 10 weeks into this and with our relationship feeling like a friendship but her still knowing i want her back more than anything and her realizing she sas all the control? HELP

  203. alex 23 January 2012 at 4:05 am Permalink

    Will this latter workthis is what i put i finally accepted that we aint together no more im moveing on my life is back on track im really excited about this weekend and going out on saturday with someone new you know nevermind call if you want

    • Lindsey 27 January 2012 at 9:20 am Permalink

      personally, i don’t like the part about going out with someone new, but that’s just me. i think writing about how you’re doing something you’re really excited about or a recent accomplishment is better cause i know if i got a letter that said i’m going out with someone new you know never mind i’d probably be like … wtf why did you send me this. but that’s just me.

  204. joe 23 January 2012 at 11:48 am Permalink

    me and my feonsa broke up dec 17 i had to move 700 miles away she dos not whant to talk or have anyting to do with me it has bine hard not to contat her we wre to gether for 4 years she started to see thig guy from her work a week after we broke up and this is the 2 time we broke up and i was her first bf ever. Is ther a way that we can get back together ?

  205. Ali 23 January 2012 at 5:26 pm Permalink

    Ok. Well todays my birthday and I just recently added my ex back to my facebook as a friend. I am still in love with him and I miss him dearly..We broke up almost 3 or 4 yrs ago and I am missing him a lot. I would hope that he would have wished me Happy Birthday and he did not and it hurt. What do I do to get him back or do I say bye. Will this method work? So lost and hurt..

    • Mandie 26 January 2012 at 9:05 am Permalink

      OMG..Ali..He is so done with you..please girl move on and get your groove back..please..if you are paining over him you might miss the next great guy that would love to go out with you. I am not sure if you know that , but you CAN decide NOT to love someone. Best of Everything to you!!

  206. Brendan 24 January 2012 at 4:07 pm Permalink

    Reading everyone post on here is heart break such a heart break because i’m on the same page as many of you. I love this girl to death she means the world to me when i met her i knew there is no other girl in my life but her so after 3 years of dating we were just about to start our live’s by having a baby and everything. But i was hiding such a bad shadow. She never knew i had an addiction i only told her about my dark life i was hiding from her after we broke up. We broke up because we were fighting about things that could have been fixed up but she is the type of person who if she dosn’t see a change in 24 hours its over. I did my very best to change my life around for her but i had a drug addiction which toke over my mind but not my heart for her. At this point im messaging her telling her everything i was hiding from her but she keeps saying she dosn’t have feelings but its not true she talks to me more then i talk to her. I told her i will keep fighting for your love i will not be the type of person who say’s oh maybe she will come back after a while No i told her your the one that i will keep fighting for and will not stop.

    What should i be doing right Stop all contact see if she feels for me again
    Or keep on fighting because you get one chance’s befor she moves on in my case i can’t let her go she means the world to me she is the person i will always be by her side i know i sound like a weak person but i dont have control of my mind or my heart at this stage

    So leave it or fight for it which is the best in life for her to understand that there is no other girl in this world i would want but her… im a fighter and i never give up no matter what

  207. Nicole 24 January 2012 at 11:03 pm Permalink

    Depends who did the breaking up I think but this is good advice. My ex broke up with me so many times over 2 years. He would come back every time, the last time he tried coming back emailing me 10 months later saying he couldn’t get me out of his mind and so broke up with someone to be fair to her. I couldn’t take him back, even though I still love him, miss him and think of him all the time. He has emailed twice again, over a year since we last saw each other now, but I just had to be strong and not reply. I believe now that if someone is willing to let you go they aren’t the person for you.

  208. Snaz 25 January 2012 at 7:27 am Permalink

    I was with my ex for a year and we were all loved up until he started becoming a little controlling…towards the end, he would make remarks like ‘you’re too good for me..and deserve better’ etc (which everyone knows anyway). I asked him on the day he ended us if he loved me and he said he either did and I put him off or he thought he did and then just went. But he’ s been a right head case, bought me a charm after a mini drama recently, while we were ‘friends’ for the watch he got for me while we were dating and an ipad2 for my birthday, something he had insisted on getting for me for my studies while we were together. I don’t understand him, why do these things for an ex while just friends and then just stop everything a few days later? I’ve texted him asking if he has deleted all my pics and vids etc off his phone as I don’t want him having them but he won’t reply to that part. ….help

    • Lindsey 30 January 2012 at 11:32 am Permalink

      i wouldn’t text him first but i know what you mean. guys are weird they do things they think they wanna do and then all the sudden think maybe they should move on and drop everything. they’re very difficult. i would maybe send him a thank you letter or text for the items and let him know that you’re doing really well and the ipad has helped your studies and you’d love to meet up sometime and see how things have been going with him. but be very brief if you decide to do this. and if he hasn’t texted you in awhile i’d say it’s okay to send that maybe after a week, but if y’all are still texting i’d still say something about how awesome the ipad is and that you’d love to get together and talk about what’s been going on and keep everything light for awhile.
      good luck

  209. Mandie 26 January 2012 at 9:09 am Permalink

    I read the main story above..and oh my god who wants to go through that drama of playing games with a guy or a girl. if you have to play such games to get him/her back..is he/she really worth it..?? I would say not…It is true a guy especially may chase you if he thinks there is another rooster in the hen house, but that will only last a little while. Relationships usually brake off because there is something wrong, there may be a problem and of the two parties involved can’t deal with the problem. It might also be that you do not see eye to eye. Perhaps the partners have different views on what they want to give and take..My advice, take your time and mourn, but then move on..

  210. Karen 27 January 2012 at 12:25 am Permalink

    My boyfriend of 7 months ended our relationship recently. He sent me a text message and then wanted to discuss things telephonically but I was in shock and declined. I never got the real reason for the break up. A few days later he sent me a text asking if im okay, but I didn’t reply. A week later he sent another text asking me for help with something and i first didn’t reply. When I later replied I realised that he is very angry and then found out that he doesn’t trust me anymore because of a text I sent him when we argued a few days before he broke up with me. I did write one nasty text and although I apologised he still seemed very upset and i think that was one of the reasons for the break up. If not the main reason. Instead of being rational I got into an argument with him, told him he never treated me right and that he was just a rebound guy after my ex boyfrind. Very stupid because I had real feelings for him and can’t stop thinking about him. He sent me a text saying he doesn’t want to argue anymore and he still cares about me and want to be friends. I replied and said I still care about him, but didn’t agree to be friends. In the past two weeks he has sent me three random text messages. And i have replied brief but kindly. Yesterday his friend asked me out to dinner and when I declined, the guy replied and said he told my ex how he feels about me and my ex said its okay. I was so hurt and disappointed and sent my ex a text message saying that I don’t date my ex boyfriend’s friends. My experience replied and said he didn’t say it’s OK and just told the guy I’m not his property and if he thinks it’s OK to ask me, he can. He also said that he prefer I decline the offer instead of him telling his friend not to ask me out.
    It has been nearly a month since the up and I’m ready to give up. I wanted to purchase the complete system but what use is there when my existing friends start asking me out. I feel more hurt every day and im starting to think it’s best I cut all contact with him and anyone who knows him. I deleted him from my facebook friends. And now I feel even worse.. Not sure what to do?

    • Lindsey 30 January 2012 at 11:26 am Permalink

      well i’d say he was sending you confusing signals with texting you frequently. but you did well in being very brief. i would continue to be briefer and briefer with him until you just stop answering his texts, or if he asks what you’re doing just tell him you’re going out with some friends and you’ll have to text him later. keep it short but also let him know that you’re doing well and having fun. you denying the request to date his friend should be a big cue to him that he can trust you, you’re a good person, you don’t wanna hurt him. if you really want him back i’d try to just have fun with some friends but if someone asks you out that you seem interesting in, go out on a date with them, have fun with them and see what happens. if you really want your ex back he has to know that you’re having fun. i don’t know if he’s the jealous type but i know in my situation i’m trying to stay away from dating other people and just have a lot of friends and go out and have fun so i’d say try that and limit contact but if he contacts you just let him know you’re having fun and maybe work on meeting up for lunch sometime or a brief hang out.
      hope it works out for you

  211. kellie 27 January 2012 at 8:20 am Permalink

    hey, we went out for 2 months and it was mutual to end it because we never saw eachother cause of his exams and stuff.. it’s been over a month now since the breakup and i’m getting more and more upset. i never really wanted to break up with him but i thought it was for the best.. i’ve tried no contact and it doesn’t get me anywhere, he knows i love him but he says he’s not getting back with me.. i try to act like i don’t care but my heart just sinks when i see him at school.. what do i do? any help is aprechiated :(

    • Lindsey 30 January 2012 at 11:19 am Permalink

      from what i’ve seen, i’d say if you see if a lot it’s best to look your best, and show him you’re doing well and having fun. if he sees that or sees you at school with another guy talking it would probably peek his interest into seeing what’s going on with the two of you. i’d continue no contact and if you have facebook try posting pictures of you and your friends doing fun things and just showing that you’re doing well. if he really likes you i’m sure he dated you because he loved your personality so just be fun like you were before you dated and i’m sure he’ll see that through pictures and with you laughing and talking to people at school and probably want to find out what’s going on with you.
      good luck.

  212. Lindsey 27 January 2012 at 9:17 am Permalink

    I really want all this to work, with the letter and all, but i feel like i have a different situation.
    I was actually the one who said one too many things before thinking them through and ended up hurting my ex. it was a passive aggressive break up, and i was never sure it was what i wanted. and it was over text. but it wasn’t my intentions of breaking up with him, i was just trying to talk about some things that had been upsetting me lately.
    he was still interested after that, we were texting but when i denied his invite to hang out with him one night because i was tired everything went down hill. he all the sudden didn’t wanna work things out, then left on a vacation and came back really not wanting to talk about things or really even be friends. i got worried about him when i didn’t hear from him one day (we work at the same job and he didn’t show up for work) that i texted him, and then drove by his house, called on my way there thinking we could talk, he didn’t answer so i contacted a friend of his to see if they had heard from him and also talked to them a bit about the situation (he hadn’t said anything to them; he’s kind of a private person) that’s where i went too far and screwed it up. i know it was a huge mistake but since then it’s been two weeks and i haven’t texted him and only said hi at work really. i did text him a couple days ago to say hey what’s up and got no response, and asked him at work if he wanted anything to eat cause i was getting some food, to which he said no as well. we acknowledge each other, but he’s going to be leaving the job soon because i found out some really good news about him, but he wasn’t the one to tell me about it, i heard through someone else.
    i know i’ve made some big mistakes but he made me happier than anyone. i was just too selfish to realize it when we were dating.
    any advice on this situation would be so helpful. i’m not sure if these tips on sending a letter will really work, and i also don’t know if it’s going to be too soon or not.
    need some insight please.
    and please don’t just say i screwed it up or comment on my mistakes. i live with them everyday and it kills me. it’s been two weeks since i saw his friend a month since we “broke up”.

  213. Jamie 28 January 2012 at 11:45 am Permalink

    Help!I am confused…
    My story:
    Mid last year my boyfriend of four years cheated on me with a one night stand. We have a son together and we were engaged to be married this year. Obviuosly I called the wedding off however made a decision to stay in the relationship which was strained from the infidelity. ….Several months later he walked out on me, telling me he didnt love me anymore and did not see a future with me. I was devasted and cryed until I had nothing left.

    How I dealt with the situation:
    I started smoking and lost alot of wieght. Aside from that I wanted to get through this the healthy way. My son motivated me to look after myself and for his best interests too. I took my frustration out on exercise. I stayed away from alcohol.I read “the secret” every night before I went to bed. I made a vision board of all the things I wanted in life. I kept busy at work, I made sure to never be alone and to keep my friends and family close. I also went to counselling .I cut all contact with my ex unless it was anything to do with our son.

    Three months later:
    Found out my ex was hooking up and seeing a mutual friend of ours. I was extremely angry!
    I thought to myself Im not going to let it bother me and finally went out. I went to town with some friends and meet a new hot guy….
    We went on a date.Nothing too much, just abit of fun.

    Three months and two days later:
    My ex found out and came crawling back.
    He proposed again.
    He became suicidal after I rejected him. Not so good. But flattering that the tables have turned.

    Four months later:
    He rings me everyday.Texts me every minute. declares his love for me. wants to have more children.

    Me: Looking supper skinny and am happy he has come back. The only problem is after all this work I have done on myself. I am confused between my ex and new hot guy.

    New Guy: Is shown interest in me and wants another date.

    What should I do? Do I take my ex back and make things work for my family. Or do I move on????What would you do?

    • Lindsey 30 January 2012 at 11:15 am Permalink

      hey jamie-
      i would look at the situation. did your ex show signs of that attitude of cheating and abandonment throughout your relationship? if he didn’t then maybe he was just scared and had cold feet of getting married but a stupid way of showing it. if he’s acted like this before i’d say it’s definitely time to move on and see what new hot guy has to offer. i would definitely think about your life with your ex and how happy he made you and how the acted cause you don’t want to get back with him and he turn around and leave y’all again. but i wouldn’t go on another date with hot guy until you’ve figured out who you want to be with because you don’t wanna string hot guy along and end up hurting someone.
      best of luck

  214. Vee 29 January 2012 at 12:52 pm Permalink

    Thanks for your advice I did exactly what you described and now she’s calling me back to back ! Normally I’m the one calling her just to be told to call her back . I haven’t answered any of her calls , and it feels good to be the one being chased all of a sudden

  215. Cherry 30 January 2012 at 9:53 pm Permalink

    We have been in a relation for 2 years, the first year was full of problems and fights coz of his ex wife & his always longing to his kids ! After a while, he got calm and adopted to his divorce situation, he was complaining of my nervous, i changed completely and got calm even infront of his nervous and dirty words, i keep silent. I am waiting for marriage, his daily excuse is financial, although he owns an apartment but his home preparations are really slowly, i think if a guy loves a woman, he can do everything to rush this moment, i tried to break up many times and disappeared, he got crazy especially when he knew that another guy likes me and wants to marry me, he starts to chase me everywhere begging me to stay and promise me every time that he will do anything for me, each time i believe and trust him coz im sure he loves me but after 2-3 weeks, i found him again fighting and doing all the mess he was doing, ufffff Oh my God, i am really pissed off but i love him ! he doesnt know what is responsibility !!this time we fight for a small problem ( 4 days ago) and he knows that i am sick and must go to the doctor, i started calling him with no reply, sent him a lot of text messages, NO reply from his side, what a hell, putting in consideration that i bear a lot and was acting like a man in this relationship, i stand by his side, support and give him care, even if his kids need something and he cannot get, i go and get it to them in order not to make him feel sad that he couldnt do the thing to his kids. ALso, my parents are so patient with him, willing to give him all support and help.
    I dont know what to do, i give him all love, respect and support….

    Shall i leave, shall i stay??? like any girl, I want to have a home and family… he is selfish coz already he had this life before.

    Finally i thought to ignore him, and if he calls, i will not answer BUT THEN !!!

  216. Esha 31 January 2012 at 2:23 am Permalink

    Hi guys I need your suggestions here~I guess the way guys think
    We broke up sec week of dec (long distance relationship) we saw each other a few times ….actually I dumped him cuz I found out a couple of lyes sent him some nasty emails on fb deleted him off my fb he blocked me ….after that I have been sending him cursing pleading and begging emails but none of it worked…..he sent me one angry email but nothing about stop with the emails. I found out a few weeks ago he is back with his ex gf from the looks of it seems like they were back together last nov. anyways I didn’t contact him for the last 3days …..and sent him an email saying that if he’s happy I’m happy for him, the true thing is I really still love him and if any one can give me some suggestion from here…..I would really appreciate it! I can go see him but I’m scared that he won’t even come see me. Help!

  217. seo 1 February 2012 at 5:24 am Permalink

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  218. Steph 3 February 2012 at 8:47 am Permalink

    This is for girls who did something to cause their bf to break up with them…if you want that second chance…here is how I did it…in less than 3 weeks – honest to goodness, I’m going through this now as I type!

    I recently cheated (Jan 14/12) on my wonderful boyfriend of 3 years. It was purely a drunken fling that I don’t remember absolutely anything about…genuinely…I don’t remember how it started and know I wouldn’t have done that in my right mind because I’m crazy in love with my boyfriend in every possible way. I even knew he had a ring to give me on my birthday next month. But, I broke my own heart and put myself in a vulnerable position and created an awful mess between my man and I.

    So I made this rotten mistake and my guy dumps me without question – I didn’t blame him one bit. He completely cut me off cold turkey – we didn’t live together so it wasn’t hard for him to cut me out of his life. He wouldn’t listen to me, wouldn’t give me the time of day, told me to leave him alone and said there is ZERO chance of ever getting him back – this was the lowest thing I could have done and it was his #1 dealbreaker. Those were his words!

    I was devastated.

    I was absolutely heartbroken and cried my eyes out the first week and made all the mistakes that pushed him away even further. I called him randomly, text him all the time, emailed him lengthy I’m sorry letters, and I even sent him flowers, I couldn’t keep my distance and I begged and pleaded every chance I got. All the WRONG MOVES!

    I looked to websites like this where the advice is similar to this. I tried them, they didn’t work! They pushed him further away.

    You must understand that men and women are different – that all the things that would work on you if the roles were reversed – won’t work on him. Guys are different, they close up and need their space. Give it to him no matter what it costs you!

    You hurt him, he doesn’t want to see you, to see you is to remind him of the ache in his chest that you caused him. Give him time to heal a little bit. I know you want to make him feel better and try make it up to him asap, but you can’t. And for him to rush back to you too quickly would end up hurting you both anyways, he will be harboring those feelings if he moves on too quickly and he will lash out at you at a later date – possibly. This is something to be avoided.

    You can’t trick your guy by telling them about your fake potential dates with other men, or even dropping hints that you are moving on with another guy – don’t use jealousy, he will question if you ever truly cared about him and he won’t want you back – he will think he made the right choice in letting you go. Don’t act overly happy and pretend you are fine and dandy, he will wonder just how sorry you really are. To really get through to the guy, I’ve realized, you gotta think like one.

    I started browsing tips and advice from men’s magazines – Askmen, FHM, etc…and I followed what they told me to do:

    One, I hand wrote an apology letter and acknowledged the hurt and pain I’ve caused him, blatantly accepted full blame and fault for my careless actions, apologized, mentioned I was looking to better myself by being more aware of my actions and situations I put myself in, and that I promise to never do anything like this to hurt him again. I said I would be here waiting for him when he was ready to talk. Signed it and hand delivered it.

    I followed up with a phone call the next day to see what he thought about my letter – needs a day to read it and let it sink in a bit. He said thank you and said he needed more time and distance still – I acted cool about it and made it seem like it was no problem,I didn’t want to pressure him anymore – I was prepared to wait a few weeks before I contacted him again. ( I was just happy he was being civil towards me and speaking with me again – think baby steps)

    It was super hard – I still cried every day and pined for him dearly, but I was patient and I went a full week without contacting him once. He got in touch with me first 6 days later. The silence on my end drove him crazy after the first week of bombarding him with I’m sorry’s and begging for forgiveness. Although he was talking to me more now, he said he needed more time so I still kept my distance.

    When he would text me, I would delay my response a few hours, I even ‘forgot’ to reply to one text and the next day he asked why I wasn’t in touch with him. He started texting me lots after that, calling me, asking about me. He was WANTING me to contact him more. I was smart about my reply’s and would say, I’m giving you the space you need, although I do miss you, I think we need this space right now. That somehow had a reverse psychology effect on him…I didn’t know it at the time though.

    I stuck to my guns and kept busy with my life and kept my distance although I very much wanted to go running back to him, throw myself at his feet and grovel until I was blue in the face. When I did talk to him on the phone or run into him in person, I tried to be my usual loveable self and he responded so well.

    The advice in men’s magazines say that always look your best if and when you see him, don’t act sad, but don’t act TOO happy either (screams fake)…be approachable and friendly, mention a few activities you have been doing – hanging with friends, your sports hobby, anything to let him know you are not sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself. Keep it brief, and excuse yourself that you gotta get going, leave it with a smile, little inside joke, anything to make him smile and then make your exit.

    I let him come back to me when he was ready, and I’ve done my best to play it cool. It’s only been less than 3 weeks since my indiscretion and he first asked me to hang out two days ago…I happily went running over there all excited and not prepared for anything…I didn’t give myself a pep talk to still maintain ‘cool Steph’ no matter what happened – it didn’t occur to me to at the time. I was in in for a surprise…

    He got touchy feely right away and I got excited thinking yes! I won him back…and got caught up for a few minutes when my head started screaming “Nooooo, nooo rebound, rebound!!” I stopped and said, ‘ok let’s stop this, let’s just hang out.’ He persisted and I kept my physical distance from him as hard as it was and tried to be playful about it. Just pushed away his advances and went home after the movie ended.

    As I was leaving I said, ‘MAYBE we can work up to that fun stuff next time after a proper date’ and I left on that note. He has been texting me often since then and has now asked me out for a proper date tonight. I agreed provided he is a gentleman and doesn’t make any more advances like last time – he agreed.

    You see, this is driving me crazy, I want him baaad, trust me, I do. But from what I read from the men’s advice mags, he is feeling vulnerable, on the rebound with anyone, yes, even an ex (you), insecure about his capabilities – he will be wondering why you did what you did and needing reassurance, but to win him back, I realize, if I want him back properly and I do, I can’t do it through his body – using sex – as natural as that feels to do, nor can I do it through his mind – using these mind games. I have to go through his heart and make him FEEL.

    Make him think he wants me back as bad as ever, I remind me him every now and again of a fun time that only we shared, I leave him laughing or intrigued with an idea of ‘next time’ that way he wants to see me again and can’t wait to talk to me again.

    Don’t for a second give him the impression that you will do anything to get him back – as in let him treat you like dirt – let him know that while you did hurt him, you are prepared to be patient while he is still angry and hurt over it, but you won’t accept it beyond a certain period of time – say 6 months or so – before you expect him to start trusting you again and letting go of the past. If you want to move on, you want to do it in a healthy way.

    I’ve learned from this experience in a big way and I’m still scared. I’m not in the clear yet and I know I have to be smart about it. I know I will never do anything like this again, but he doesn’t know that and is only trying to protect himself and his heart from heartbreak again and i will have to prove myself to him. It will be an an ongoing process,not an easy one, but I’m prepared to do all I can to get this wonderful guy back. Wish me luck!

    I hope this helps at least one person out there. We are human, we make mistakes. Be honest about it, be honorable about getting your guy back, and be patient. If your love is as strong as you thought it was, he will come back to you. Good luck.

  219. PQ 3 February 2012 at 4:34 pm Permalink

    Hi everybody,

    I need some advice. I’m going over a hard situation, I’m 23 years old and my ex is 28 (I know I’m still young but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him), I was with my ex for 2 years and we broke up 4 years ago, but we never really moved on, even though he was with someone else or I was, there were always feelings between us. We never spoke about those feelings but it was one of those things that you just can tell is there. Anyway, he moved to a different town but still kept contact and in September, last year we started talking about giving things another try, maybe this time we were more mature, etc. I noticed he would just leave or hang up without saying anything whenever we were IMing or talking. In October he finally confessed that he has been living with someone for a long time and he just couldn’t dare to tell me because he really loves me and wants to be with me, told me he doesn’t love her and he’s with her because she needs some sort of help (I obviously was really hurt and angry) but I kept my cool, I’m not the kind of person who yells or curses or whatever, I just told him he had made his desition and he had to live with it (literally), that he had no right calling me and asking me to give him a chance, when he knew he was with somebody else all along and to please never call me again. I eliminated any sort of contact with him, stopped responding to his emails and I’ve tried to be a strong girl, but as hurt as I am, I still love him. Has been 3 months since I last spoke to him and I still want to call him everytime something happens good or bad, I still find myself crying everytime I’m alone and I don’t really understand why he says he loves me when he obviously doesn’t. I don’t want advice to win him back, I need advice to give him up. =(

    Thank you, and sorry if this was too long to read.

    -T

  220. Nick 4 February 2012 at 6:20 am Permalink

    My girlfriend broke up with me about three weeks ago. We have had breakups in the past but only for a ouple days and when we got back together everything was great. The difference between prevois breakups and this one was that the other breakups were over somethin stupid like a argument. This time everything was great we were talkin about getting married and want kids and a house. well about a month ago she went to the mall with a girlfriend and she said she found a ring that she loves. About a week later we were at the mall and I asked her to show me the ring. Long story short I baughr the ring and showed her, never got a chance to propose but she screamed she was so happy. she showed all of her girlfriends and family and even asked her brother to walk her down the aisle. this went on for about a week and a half anf then the following week i was having a stressful week with school and other things so i was kind of moody. Well she went to see her doctor for her meds and she told her doctor about my ocd and the doctor asked if she could live with it the rest of her life and she said no. so when she got home from the doctor she was acting funny aand i asked her whats wrong and she didnt want to talk about it. Later I finally got it out of her and he told me she didnt want to marry me. We lved together for two years non stop never leaving each others side.. Now im living back with my mom. I ust dont understand it i have talked to hergirlfriends and they all told me that she said she fell for me hard, she loves me to dealth and she couldnt wait to have a family with me and then she jst breaks it off and doesnt want anything to do with me. I have talked to her on and off for 3 weeks either she would call me anking about our cell phones or we would text each other and start getting into a fight. She wont say she loves me matter a fact she says she just loves me like a friend which i think is bullshit a week before this we were great and she would come up to me when i was doing the dishes and give me hug and say nicki love you so much, i could feel the love. and for her to just walk away and now she is talking to a guy and supposidly they have had sex dont know how true it is but it broke my heart to hear it when she about to mary me a few weeks ago.She completly changed from one week to the next when seeing her doctor, i dont know if it has anything to do with it but every time we have broken up she was pmsing and her cat died on the same day we broke up. we broke up on friday the 13th and i have falling apart ever since. all she does is go out to bars everynight and get drunk, i have never even seen her drunk so something is going on.

  221. Missy 4 February 2012 at 12:54 pm Permalink

    My situation is a little different, my ex bf of 4 years broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, and immediately had a new gf. Then he changed his phone number so I have no way to contact him. I’m thinking about sending a letter in a few weeks, but if I don’t hear from him there is no way I can text him, and he doesn’t really check his email.

    The new gf is ALWAYS with him, constantly, they are basically living together. He is my whole world, do you think I have a chance?

    • Missy 4 February 2012 at 1:00 pm Permalink

      Not sure if it matters but I’m 31, he’s 30 and she’s 21!

      • Missy 23 February 2012 at 4:28 pm Permalink

        We have talked since I posted this. He has tried to string me along, calling each time him and his new gf have had a fight, then going back to her after making me think we were going to work things out….rebreaking my heart each time. So I have given up. I believe he is an emotional abuser, so I think it’s best I let him go…as hard as that is because I do still love him very much. I don’t think he will ever change and I need to focus on myself and maybe one day I’ll find someone who will treat me as I deserve to be treated. I know I deserve better than being second choice.

  222. Amanda 7 February 2012 at 6:45 am Permalink

    Be very careful using these. I am pretty sure my ex boyfriend is using one of these step by step rulebooks on me right now and it is just irritating as hell. He forgot, I read the books too when I was devastated over our break up, which said go no contact for four months, then ask to meet for coffee, but be very cold and blah blah in your message for coffee. Yeh, I am watching it unfold just like the book I read said. I feel very manipulated and being frank, life is too short to have to play these games. If you have to pretend you don’t like someone to get them, they aren’t for you and it’s too much hard work. One of the greatest joys in life is to love someone, being able to express it freely and with warmth (but not in need, or to manipulate another).

    Funny part, he asks for coffee, but he makes sure he tells me ‘lets start with no physical contact coffee…:-)’ , after I mention something about giving him a big hug when I see him. It feels like a game, honestly, he wouldn’t be asking to meet me for coffee if he didn’t still love me because I have been telling him about once every few weeks on an email that I love him more than I ever knew possible since we broke up. Not every day, just every few weeks, letting him know all other men seem like peasants and I didnt know I could be loved as much as he loved me and that I doubt I would be able to find that again. How glad I am I found it, as just me loving someone as much as I do him is a great gift, even if he doesn’t love me back. I didn’t go cold, I didn’t pretend to have someone else and I didn’t go completely no contact and I am going for coffee when I get back from my overseas trip.

    Don’t waste your time and energy playing games, but at the same time, take time out for you, get your head straight as it isn’t when you just break up with someone, not for a couple of months.

  223. dd 7 February 2012 at 3:51 pm Permalink

    so basically im with my gf but she says she doesnt love me anymore in that way and weve kinda lost the spark but we havent broke up and i keep saying give me a chance and she says she just doesnt think theres anything there anymore but due to her being weird and hiding her feelings alot im struggling to acknowledge she might not like me. i believed we would get married and be together forever we got together at 15 and are on the edge of breaking up at 19. i have decided to go with the romantic route and have sent her flowers for wednesday morning as i am seeing her in the evening to see whats gonna happen. Also ive booked a nice hotel for valentines day but fear she may see that as weird or even worse we may split up by then :/ i just want her back but dont want to be too clingy which im afraid of being because everytime i text her i get short replys and that she doesnt know if it will work

    I know the normal thing to do is to break it off as its going nowhere and im young but my heart believes theres something there i mean theres no one like this girl shes everything i could ever want and more beautiful funny kind and nearly 4 years is a long time

    were kinda having space at the moment as we lived together at my parents as she now lives at home with her mum but she hasnt taken all her belongings or clothes which are all at my house so does this mean shes considering trying or am i just making something out of nothing ?
    Thankyou

  224. ivy 8 February 2012 at 4:50 am Permalink

    my ex wouldn’t even leave any communication open at all? What can I do? Does that means he doesn’t have any feelings for me at all? I’m so confused? I really want him back. But there’s just no way I could contact him? He doesn’t reply to anythings I’ve sent him? Please help me. I really can’t live my life without this guy. Really do loves him alot. Reply asap. Please.

  225. Lan 8 February 2012 at 2:41 pm Permalink

    Hi guys,

    I just wanna share some of my experience, but I did this method, but not applied it completely on my case. Because for me if you keep NC with someone for a period of time, they would think you lose interest and they move on. There’s no way someone suddenly one day text or call you to ask if you want to get back, you need to put efforts to make them want you back too.
    I got split up with my ex 3 months ago after a year relationship. He broke up with me because he needed his space, he said he wasn’t ready for relationship, its too much too soon, anyway just excuses to call it off. At that moment I knew that I’ve fell in love with him, much more than I thought. But I agreed to the break up because its how you show someone a respect of their decision, don’t try to change their mind right after the break up, it won’t work, it just shows how desperate you’re and no one would want to stay with someone depressed and stressed. I told him I need to move on so he shouldn’t contact me anymore. I closed my facebook and deleted his number, I disappeared of his life. It was the hardest time ever, I cried my eyes dry so many times, I missed him insanely, but I tried to move on with my life, got involved with everything that could keep me easy and stop thinking about him. We did NC for two months. At least you need to give them time to feel missing you in their life and think again about their decision at some points. After two month I opened my facebook (I didn’t delete him cos I wanted us to keep in touch when I’m back, but in a low level) and he sent me a message to ask if I’m ok and we could be friend. So we started to talk as ‘a friend’ but limited the information and level, as “truly friendship”. I don’t initiate to contact him, I let him do it all the time, when he’s curious enough and want to know what I’m up with my life. And I don’t get back all the time, sometimes I was going out, and pretended to ignore his messages or calls. But every time if I do get back, I always try to be nice and care about him friendly, I choose to show only my happiness side, my wonderful and busy life, show him “without him” your life is better. I do a lot of thing to improve myself too, keep fit, take care of myself, look fresh and more beautiful, make him attract to you like your first dating time. Basically, make him want you but he can’t have, as this method, but what the hell he would want you if you do NC and he can’t see the best things of you that he missed when he’s made his decision, a big mistake? Who doesn’t want to be with someone who’s beautiful,smart, know what she wants, fun, relaxed, positive and happy, understanding and care about her man? Guys hate hassles, don’t ever show any of your desperation, emotions, being miserable, avoid argument or bring up conve about old relationship, you’re making over! Being nice to him but don’t give him anything he wants, make it clear between ‘friend’ and ‘girlfriend’.
    And you know what, he’s chasing me now and its only a month. He’s initiated to contact me constantly, he shows his interest, he’s giving me his full attentions, he bought me gift, he gave me a lot of compliments and sweet talks, like he was chasing me when we were dating. He asked me to go out with him and his friends, just some casual drinks because he wanted to see me. And when he’s hearing that some guys are chasing me too, he’s felt rush, he talks to me every single day now, about his life, share his future plans and he’s just asked to take me out, on a date. I’ve been waiting for so long and being so patient, so I will take it slow and make him work for it a bit more, make him feel what he wants is worth his efforts. Everything seems in order and I’m happy!

    However, the NC means your giving him space, and yourself too, so think about everything over again, if you really want him back, if you love him much enough that you would be understanding, patient and giving so you could fight to win him back and ready to get the risk of losing him too? But believe me, even you don’t want to get back, after the NC you will get better a lot, because you learn how to focus on your life and yourself, you will figure out more interesting things to do than just ‘a person’, it builds up you to be strong and independent woman too, which is attracted guys. So whatever if you wanna get back or get over, your still on the right track, I hope it will help!

  226. Kevin 10 February 2012 at 10:06 am Permalink

    hello!
    my ex-fiancee and i broke up a couple of weeks ago. we’ve been together for 5 years and lived with each other for 4.5 years. we bought our own house together at year 2. we were were happy.
    this past year, i became obsessed with video games and started to not pay attention to her. i lost all of my ambitions for my career and when we go out, i wasn’t pleasant to be around anymore and became somewhat anti-social. i wasn’t the happy outgoing guy i used to be. i didn’t show her love and affection when she came home from work and cared only about playing my video games.
    she talked to me about how she felt a few times throughout the year, and wanted me to change how i behaved. she put up with this for an entire year and i never really did anything about it. i just told her that “i will change”.

    one night, we finally got into a big fight and wanting to say whatever i could to make her angry, i told her “you are not the princess of world. and you are not the most desirable woman out there”. she packed some of her clothes and left the next morning.

    after we officially broke up (on facebook), it hit me like a truck. i finally realized that i didn’t do anything to better our relationship, to better myself. i told her that i didn’t mean what i said and said it only to make her more angry. realizing that she is the love of my life, i stopped playing video games altogether. i groomed myself as well as i could and i started applying to different jobs (got a new job btw) and enrolled back into school. i went out with my friends and tried to have a great time. this was all to change for her, to be the guy she fell in love with.

    we texted, and she told me that she doesn’t see me in her future at this time. she wants space to get over me because we have been together for 5 years. she seems set on moving forward and told me that she wants to focus on herself and her career. she says that i’ve been so uptight and she knows there are better people out there for her. she also told me that she is very happy for me that i am out having fun and for trying to better myself (i’ve been doing very well of posting what i’m doing on facebook when i go out and everything that i’m trying to change).

    last week, at the club, her friends saw me dancing with a bunch of girls (they were my old junior friends) and told my ex. my ex texted me the next morning and told me that i shouldn’t mention that i want to get back with her if i’m gonna allow all those girls to whore around me. she seemed jealous but she made it clear that she does not want to get back with me. wtf?

    through the whole post-break up, i told her that i want a fresh start, beginning with being friends and working our way up. she said in the future should our paths cross and if she falls in love with me again, we can have a fresh start. but how do i make her fall in love with me again if she doesn’t want a fresh start?

    i’ve read all the get-your-ex-back ebooks and i know about no-contact (which im doing now) but i’ve read that NC will hurt my chances of getting back with her because i did not show her love and attention. NC works if i was needy and clingy but i was the complete opposite. it has been 3 days of no-contact but i am not sure if i am executing it correctly because we are both friends on facebook still and she can see everything that i’m up to.

    is NC really the best course of action right now?
    is staying friends on facebook (to show her that i’ve changed) okay?
    matt huston’s ex2 system states to remain friends on fb for jealously plotlines
    but reading other ebooks states that i should devoid her of ALL information about me to make her miss me and wonder what i’m doing.

    please help.

  227. john makwins 10 February 2012 at 5:25 pm Permalink

    Dear everyone,

    PLEASE I NEED HELP URGENTLY, PLEASE READ AND SUGGEST
    I really need your help, ESECIALLY FROM GIRLS. My girlfriend is giving me signs that she wants to break up. She has not told me directly, but I think I am getting some very strong signs, which have really made me sad for days. And I really want to do something quickly because I love this girl a lot I can’t express how much. I genuinely want to assure her that our relationship can work and make her both happy. And as Valentine’s Day is coming very soon, in a matter of days, I DO NOT at all want to make this Day of Love turn into a heartbreak one.

    I want to give you details of how it all began so that you all can have idea on what the problem is and provide your suggestions on what I should do. So, here is the situation.

    We have been dating for over five months now. My girlfriend has a very good male friend with whom she talks regularly on facebook usually through comments on their facebook. This used to happen even before we started dating. Though the conversations would be very close as ‘missing you’, I knew and even know now that they were only friends talking. One very good reason that she was only talking as friend with her is that her family is very conservative and therefore she would not openly talk like that in facebook other than with friends as her family members are in facebook too (We are from a conservative, traditional country in Asia where marriage are usually arranged and falling in love, especially for girls, is something that has to be done without family finding out [difficult this sounds but is truth]). But obviously, being in deeply love with my girlfriend, it was obvious of me to get jealous and insecure after seeing the comments on their walls. So I wanted to confess how I am feeling to her. I tried to call her several times (Again, for girlfriends and boyfriends meeting regularly or whenever they feel like is very difficult due to the reason I mentioned in brackets above) but she would not receive the phone as she was around family members. But as I was really being desperate to talk to her and convey my message to her, I sent her very long SMS. The essence of the SMS was:

    I love you a lot and your talking with male friend is making me insecure sometimes. I trust you completely. I am telling you my feelings because you mean everything to me and I feel insecure about losing you sometimes. As you are my girlfriend, I thought it was necessary for me to express how I am feeling.

    This is the main theme of the SMS (sent on January 30), but the way I wrote it was very emotional and full of my love to her. As I look back, and even as I was writing the sms I knew that I was sounding very desperate and weak (in a way), but that was me. I was truly expressing how I feel about her.

    I have a feeling that she did not feel quite attracted to what I wrote as it posed me as a very weak and desperate man. The following day, I called her several times but she did not pick up the phone. As I was obviously in a desperate mood and wanting to talk to her badly I continuously dialed her number despite her cutting the calls. Later when she picked up the phone, she virtually was angry at me. Apparently she was with her teachers doing project when I called her time and again. Hearing her angry at me for the first time was very painful, but I also realized that I should not have called continuously. So I apologized to her. She called me that night, and she did not appear angry anymore. She spoke nicely but I thought she was hurt or was thinking me as a very weak desperate person (due to the SMS I sent).

    For some immediate days after that, we did not call each other much. When we talked on phone, she sounded very distant and even cold sometimes. I took these as her anger for what I had done, and appeared nice all the time.

    We were supposed to meet last Monday but she could not and I think she gave me a very genuine reason. We have not talked much this week as she is in a middle of wedding in her family which means very busy and family members always around. She sent me SMS saying she was sorry that she is always around family so could not talk. I replied back saying that she could ring me whenever she is alone. Though I of course think that she could find at least a few minutes to miscall me and talk to me, I am also taking this as an opportunity to give her some space of her own. So I haven’t given her a ring for last three days, and of course she knows that I am not calling her because I know she is busy and around family. She called me the day before yesterday and she sounded very nice and we talked the things we always used to and the way we always used to.

    I believe that she still has feelings for me. But I think she also believes and sees me as a very desperate person. And I acknowledge that I have portrayed myself as desperate and weak person in front of her. I know this and I have already begun to improve myself on this front. And I have to show her that I love her I care for her a lot but also that I am not very desperate and weak as this has repelled her from me. After all, being desperate and weak is not good for me also.

    The essence is she is giving me mixed signals, and I really don’t know what the right way to approach her and make her assure that our relationship is worth it.

    Today, in a local paper, I saw a message from her to me wishing me well and success in life ahead (she has not used direct names or the names we usually call each other with, but has used other names which we have used for each other at some point or the other in our relationship…so although not 100% sure this message was for me I think at least 90% it is).

    I really love this girl a lot and I want her to come back to me. Please help. What should I do? How do I communicate with her? I know I have to change my desperate weak image she has gotten of me, and I have already begun to change (one way I have begun this is by not calling her after she told she is usually around family until the wedding. I asked her to call me instead when relatives are not around. I think this also makes her think in a way that I respect her and I am not that desperate after all). And the truth is I really do respect her and I love her a lot.

    PLEASE everyone suggest me what I should do? Should I call her now? I could give her a miscall at least? What should I say if I call? Or what should I say if she calls? Valentine’s Day is near and I want to heal everything by that time. GIRLS especially please suggest what I should do.

    I eagerly wait for your suggestions.

    Thanks
    John

  228. love 11 February 2012 at 9:05 am Permalink

    Hi,

    She broke up with me almost two years ago, never had any contact whatsoever, she send back a letter I sended her.
    So what is the point of ever trying again?
    Out of sight is out of head right?
    I mean come on, its been two years so not even a chance of getting back togeter.,

  229. Garry 13 February 2012 at 12:37 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley, I’d really appreciate your insight on this.

    Okay, so heres the whole story. We’re young, so please don’t judge.

    I was in senior year last year, and my ex came into High School as a Freshman. We hit it off after a month or two, and I was her first kiss. But then we found out that her parents wouldn’t let us date(age difference, I’m 18, she’s 15). So we broke it off. After about a month of no contact, she was dating another guy. They dated for 4 months, until I convinced her to come back to me. I convinced her by telling her how much I loved her, and how we’d marry one another, and she believed me. So she came back to me.

    Our relationship was secretive from mostly everyone, stressful for her, and we were sometimes caught by her parents, who disciplined her heavily. After 8 months, she broke up with me and went back out with the other kid, saying that she began to develop feelings for him through the stress, and that she doesn’t love me anymore.

    I’m in college now, but she was my first love. I know it because I was never truly as interested in a girl as I was with her. But now she’s with him, and its only been a week so far since we broke up, but they’re in their honeymoon stage-In love.

    We talked once, and I found out that she told her friend that she doesn’t think she loved me as much as I loved her, and she was miserable in the relationship because of the secrecy.

    We always used to say that her parents would let us date at the age of 17, but she’s not interested right now. At all. And I think I hurt my chances by having her break up with him before. Hes a senior now.

    Another key is that we live only 2 minutes away. I’m commuting to my school for college, and she lives real close.

    Is it possible that I can get her back? I know that I can find other girls, but what should I do? No contact and look for other girls? Try again when she’s older? Please help me. She’s my first love and I truly love everything about her. I did my best to do everything for her, but she was miserable because of the circumstances, I just know it. Thank you for your help!

    Garry

  230. Brian 13 February 2012 at 10:12 pm Permalink

    Girls I need your help Please!
    Ok so I am 30 years old and I met this girl on the internet. It was 4 years ago and she was 15 at the time and I was 26. I was going through a divorce and used chatrooms at that time to talk to people and try to escape my hurt and pain. It started out as completely innocent and after several months of just back and forth emailing and chatting, we began to have feelings for each other. She lived in Florida and I was in Texas. Her dad lived in Texas and she came to visit on her spring break. She asked me to come meet her and hesitant because of the age I was reluctant, but soon found myself on the road to meet her. At this time she was 16 ( not that it makes much difference ) We met and had a great time and one thing led to another and Soon she asked me to be her first. After this that summer she moved to Texas with her dad to start a college program for High school students and she was accepted. We saw each other several times, I was scared as hell about the age thing as I was not brought up that way. Anyways I treated this girl like crap for 3 1/2 years and no matter what she always stuck around and came back to me. She had been with other guys and I had been with other girls as well. About 6 months ago I broke up with my then gf and paid to fly this girl to see me. We had a great weekend together and now that she was almost 19 I suddenly found myself falling in love with her. We flew back and fourth for the next 3 months. I was truly turning over a new leaf and this girl made me want to be a better person. Suddenly in November a week after I flew her to see me, she emails me and says that we need to move on but she loves me and she could see herself with me and she had an amazing time with me. So we try to stop talking, this lasted for 3 weeks and I couldn’t do it anymore, I emailed her and sent her a text. We began talking again and it seemed that things were going great. This went on for about a month. Then in December I find out she has been seeing another guy, It broke my heart, and even though she was with him she texted me and called me. I begged for her to call it off with him and asked her what she really wanted and her answer was me. She tells me that she broke it off with him so I know the only way we could make this work is to actually for the first time be in the same place at the same time. So for 2 months we talk and its clear she wanted me to move to Orlando to be with her. 3 weeks ago I fly to the airport and she picks me up and we stay at a hotel. She lets me use her car for a job interview while she is working and we look at apartments and stuff together. So I get the job and move here a week ago. She is still with this other guy yet she has stayed with me a few nights and we are intimate, shes happy when we are together and she knows that I am different now and I truly do love her. If she is not with me then she is with him. I love this girl with all my heart and I know if she wanted me for all that time with me being an ass to her, then if she would give me the chance now to show her how sweet and how much i love her, this guy wouldn’t hold a candle to what we could have. I have played the whole begging and pleading for a chance and she says yes and then the next day its back to I cant do this crap. What should I do? I moved here and I am 16 hours away from any family or friends and she wants to hang out and talk when he isnt around. Please help me, I know I truly love her and want a future with her and I know deep down inside that she loves me also, but How do I get her to fall in ove with me again and get this guy out of the picture? Please Please Please help me. Thank you for any comments or help in this matter.

  231. Ashley 14 February 2012 at 10:07 am Permalink

    My boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago because I was to needy and I would accused him of looking at other girls. He knows that I know that he doesn’t do that. He was helping me with my insecurities ( neediness steams from that) and I would improve but then I would have set backs. I pushed him to far with my own problems. I regret it so very very much.

    The day of the break up I said things that I shouldn’t have said, like “You date a girl your age and I will date a guy my age” ” I don’t want a long term relationship, yes I do because I want to marry you” and among other things. We talked about it and he knew I didn’t mean anything by what I said, I was just being insecure. Then I promised I wouldn’t say it again, but 5 minutes later I said things I didn’t mean. Three hours later. He broke up with me 3 hours later. He wanted to talk about it but I was very immature and cried and made a sense in the Engineering building.

    He told me because of how I acted, their is going to be a little chance that him and I will be back together. Then, I texted him begging for us to be together and he said “If I see chances then I will reconsider, but for now their is no us”

    I made the mistake of talking to him in person twice. He said that he fell out of love with me because of my neediness and how I treated him with my problems :( he did say their is a possibility for us to be together but its unlikely :(

    Please, Help me to get my ex boyfriend back! I will do anything!!! we’ve been together for one year and I love him so very very much. I am worried that I pushed him to far and he will never want to be with me again. Please help me.

  232. Dan 14 February 2012 at 1:12 pm Permalink

    Hey. About a month ago, my girlfriend broke up with me. Apparently her reasons because I don’t ‘trust’ her, and that I neglect her. Two days after the break up of no contact, she texted me a smiley face. We met up about 3 weeks ago, hoping that we can talk and sort things out, however I realised it was a bad idea because she was so emotionally charged. She didn’t have any eye contact and only gave me one word answers. It was like I was talking to a brick wall. However that night, she texted me ‘Sorry for being mean and uptight I just didn’t know how to react, for now lets just be friends’. Anyway’s I try to talk to her at Church, however she just ignores me, or gives me one word answers. Apparently my friends say that she feels awkward and uncomfortable around me. I miss her a lot and I know she is the love of my life, and I am willing to do anything to get her back. Recently, its been very cold as she hasn’t been talking to me, I feel as though she has moved on! What can I do? Is there a chance?

  233. Claire 15 February 2012 at 6:46 am Permalink

    Hello Ashley Kay,

    So, my ex and I were together a little over six years. We had magic love- laughter, passion, adventure, play, emotional depth, mutual visioin, etc… We went through a few traumatic experiences- the heaviest one was his mother’s death. She passed away from cancer. It was sad and difficult, but I was there by his side for the whole experience. Shortly after she passed, he proposed… I said I’d love to marry him.
    The next year he sort of got into a slump of partying- drinking, cocaine, and just not really paying much attention to us. I figured it was part of the grieving, and that I just had to be strong and carry the ball. Last summer, he said that he wanted out of the relationship. I fought hard for it, telling him what we have is rare and special and that we just have to fight hard for it. He agreed. Things were rocky all through the fall- I mostly felt that things were great so long as I was happy with not getting much from him… but then my world (my family and work) started to weigh on me, and his lack of support hurt me. We were also in the process of buying a house, one that I had found with my realtor… which now, he owns. Anyhow, he told me that he was not in love with me anymore, and didnt see us working. I had a feeling like theres got to be someone else, even though he said there wasn’t, and sure enough, I find these dirty text messages from this girl at his work! Then all the sh*t hit the fan, and I found out that ever since the summer time he and she have been having a sort of texting/sexting hooking up relationship.

    I felt like I needed to understand how he could change, and last night was my last night talking with him. He has become a completely different person and it is so bizarre to me that this man who I spent so many precious minutes with, and had a mutual dream with, who I trusted with my whole heart… is this weird guy talking to me with no emotion, telling me that “things are different now because I am different now.”

    I have begun no contact, because it seems there isnt much I can do. I am baffled by how someone that I thought I knew, is now a total stranger. He is already having sex with another girl (not the one from his work) and I think he feels like a bad ass with his new life in his new house.

    Problem for me, I still love the bastard. My goal is no contact for a month- or longer… and I am totally going to revamp myself… but other than those two things, any suggestions?

  234. Tee 15 February 2012 at 11:59 pm Permalink

    hey guys i need your help!

    OK all of this started off on her terms because she made most of the effort to get to me when i didn’t really know at this point how much i liked her. i liked this other girl but also i liked her friend too. we eventually got talking and SHE asked ME a few times to meet up outside of uni (this was all on Facebook because we are both really shy).

    we eventually met up, she was all over me, i didn’t read the signals but eventually the 3rd time we met up i did and we kissed. we had an amazing relationship but near the end we started to have disagreements about her not wanting to spend some time with me when in matter of fact that’s the type of person she is. sometimes goes hot or cold with her frequent mood swings. she eventually had enough of me questioning her why she acts sometimes weird. she broke up with me half halfheartedly like i asked is it over and she just went “yeah” and walked away. i was walking down the street the same day and she looked at me and smiled, the same smile she ONLY DID WITH ME. so i walked up to her and just basically asked for another go…and she said yes.

    i *used* to make a lot of stupid mistakes. such as being clingy, possessive and jealous which i have done wrong and now i realize..but it’s too late i think.

    the following week we were together for the day, we were laughing and joking then suddenly she hardened up and looked seriously depressed. she said she didn’t want to do it anymore and broke up with me for A SECOND TIME. weeks went passed as i made a lot of mistakes begging and pleading and when i finally gave up doing that me and my friends used to notice she used to watch me a lot. sometimes she went out of her way to see where i was or what i was doing. (we are both in university and we are both 24)

    we are both in the same tutor rooms and all of my mates have noticed she goes out of her way to watch me. also i noticed that when i go outside and I’m with her friends, when she is with her friends it seems to me that she is watching me with my mates!.

    it has been 3 months since she left me and i started to talk to her on Facebook again but she always jokes about my face and ‘how ugly i am’ but she always did that when we were together. she did this before then said its beautiful really. a few days ago we were talking about a leavers do at university and at this leavers do, people always have dates to do with. its sort of like a prom sort of thing. she randomly brought it up and asked how would i feel if she asked this guy to this ‘prom’ because me and my ex both know that this guy likes my ex. he did when we were together. i replied with something like “if I’m honest i would feel a bit sad but to be fair we are both single so..” then she asked what about if she asked one of my friends and i replied with the same.

    yesterday we were talking online again and she said how she was annoyed how i didn’t pick up any hints..and when i thought it was this leavers do..it actually wasn’t it was her liking somebody else. but she wouldn’t tell me. she was annoyed that i didn’t pick up the hint about her liking somebody else..when she has been giving me mixed signals every since she left me. such as;
    - watching me all the time
    -seeing where am i
    -it seems that she is trying to get my attention by pretending to be ‘asleep’ on a trampoline which prevented the class from progressing..which caused me to look at her for a good 10-15 minutes of her just lying there doing nothing but joking..which stopped the lesson. etc

    we have done a lot of sexual activities and proclaimed our love for each other a lot. we met our families. if hope if that helped.

    i am sorry if this is long but i thought it would help if you know the whole story. i need help!

    please guys. i still love her very much but I’m not sure if she is trying to make me jealous to see if I’m interested or what. which i am..and she knows this yet she brings up something about another guy but doesn’t tell me who when she thinks ill get jealous.

  235. Lovestruck 16 February 2012 at 4:22 am Permalink

    Ashley,

    My ex boyfriend and me have been broken up for 3 weeks and he doesn’t use his email so I sent him a text pretty much like I would send the email. He texted me right away and said, “I’m glad you’re doing well” with a smiley face. And I waited for a while then I said “Thanks! You too!” and that’s all I’ve heard from him. I made the text just like the letter you said we should do except I left the “Call me if you want” part out. What should I do now? Is it too late to tell him to call me?

  236. Jenny 16 February 2012 at 1:10 pm Permalink

    My ex and I have broken up for 8 months now. 3 months after we broke up he started hating me because he wanted to go back out with me but someone told him i was hitting up on another guy and so he got so mad and he hated on me and started calling me names.. I hated him for doing that and so we stopped talking for about 3 months and at the end of december we started talking again. He was dating a girl for 5 months and they recently broke up one week ago. We both said sorry and we were ok.. We hang out once alone together(went dirtbiking). We still argue sometimes like were together.its cuz he makes me jealous and i get sad and he gets mad at me for getting sad over him.When i read this article last night, i tried it and told him that I was over him because the other day i made him sad for telling him it was funny how he thought his ex was “perfect” so he got sad. And last night i told him sorry and thats when i also told him that Im over him and he should be happy cuz i am.. He told me that he knows for a fact that he knows im not over him..that he knows me too well and he said nice try.. and i told him nope im not lying and that i like being friends with him instead.and hes like watevers jamaica. I told him dont make me fall in love with u again. He said trust me i wont. just dont talk to me. ull survive. u dont need me.. he always tells me that i dont need him -.- …. last week we had an argument about our relationship.. when i told him that i cant be friends with him cuz i still have feelings for him and its hard he got so sad and blocked me on facebook but when i talk to him he talks to me. help me. i really love him and I want him back :(

  237. coolcool 18 February 2012 at 2:58 am Permalink

    Hi Esha, the problem here is that You need to leave him alone for now, since he his having an affair with his ex…You can just start a new life…Things like this happen a lot, it has happened to me, my ex broke up with me and i feel bad, start drinking, doing stupid things..But i still calm down and asked her what i did wrong and she said i lied to her, so i said i am so sorry but she never wants me back again…and believe me, i keep trying to explain to her, but the more i explain the more she go deaf…..On the eve of Valentine i went to her house to give her a gift which was the worst moment of my life..She noticed me and Guess what she did, she close the door of her house and never came out i was standing outside for like 1hr, so then i think i was insane, so when i reached home i texted her that Your Val Gift is out there…….She did not reply…But i know some how some ways she wants me back but seriously i have move on…….That is just the least of what happened btwn us….so moving on sometimes is the best Key, dont think you cant do it..You can….In as much you can still make your self attractive there will be a guy who needs you….

  238. Cecilia 18 February 2012 at 12:29 pm Permalink

    I just wanna ask if I should still send my ex a letter if I’ve already started the no contact rule beforehand, like around 2 and half weeks ago. What if this happens? Should I still do it?

  239. janey 21 February 2012 at 1:44 pm Permalink

    i recently split up with my boyfriend before xmas over sill y things thinking he wasnt the guy for me, but realising now that he actually is. I recently found out two weeks ago when he accidently sent me a message saying she had text me twice today, so i replied saying was this for me? he then replied sorry it was for someone else. so i replied saying your new girlfriend, he said yes. Even though i split up with him, it still hurts like hell to know that he can move on. I always thought that we woukd get married to each other but then i started finding faults. I kno no one is perfect, i sure am not. I would love to get back in contact but he wont answer or take any of my texts. It hurts like hell knowing he has someone else. my friends and parents think he is saying this to hurt me or make me jealous.

    Last night I had a dream that he got married, unbeknown to me, but when i got close to whom he had got married to, she had no face… what does this mean. I also know he hasnt mentioned a girlfriend on facebook and im still in all of his pictures… Is there a way to get over him, as he is obviously finding it very simple or do i just move on and how? x

  240. Oriental Amish 21 February 2012 at 9:01 pm Permalink

    So, I am thinking of following these rules, but first, let me give you a back story:

    My ex and I decided to be friends with benefits with the option of hooking up with others, as long as we;’re honest with each other. He told he hooked up with other chicks, but only making out. But, we have fucked a couple of times. He says he wants to hang/miss me (more as a person) from time to time. But, he doesn’t initiate hanging out much because he knows I got my son + school. My friend thinks he he could have feelings for me deep down, but still wants to see me some time as in thats why he let me initiate hanging out. But, he told me he just doesn’t want to commit to any one right now. When we hang out, after we fuck, he spoons with me to the point where he takes my legs hostage with his. He even initiated the spooning when usually I am the one who does that. He gives me lingering hugs when we hang out. Then on Valentine’s Day, I happened to tell him I was having drinks with a guy, then while texting the next day, he asked me, “Did you hook up with me? Plz be honest”.When I told him about my plans the day before + didn’t reply back, he just that I thought he didn’t care cuz he said he would never ask if I hooked up with any one cuz then he’d care + if he did then he would be with me. My gal friends say he he may have mix feelings for me bnut won’t admit.he always thinking not to lead me on but at the same time completely.Mix feelings as in he’;s sleeping with me + seien other gals but seems comfy with me because he has been with me since.Then, on the day before we hooked uip, he asked if I was @ school because he was thinking of “kidnapping’+ taking me back to his place even to just fuck. i thought it was cute though cuz he usually does initiate hanging out. Then, on Saturday night, I came oveer to stay over. We did play a game + watched a movie + fucked a little.We cuddled for a bit in bed + this morning after he woke up…. But, what’s funny last night was that he had some crazy nightmare that we were both sleeping in another room @ his place when Freddy Krueger came in + tried to kill both of us…. He said, Freddy killed me 1st, like throwing against the wall….I asked how did it make him him feel when seeing me die in that dream. He said he was petrified, but I didn’t ask if it was because if it was cuz seeing me die or the fact that Freddy Krueger came + tried to kill us. But, it’s odd that I was in his dream when I was sleeping right next to him. You think I was in his dream cuz maybe he subconsciously cares or have feelings for me? My gal says, “He thinks a lot about you and dream about you hehe. Crazy dream though lol. You know they say that if you think alot of someone or something you dream of them constantly.Then, i keep wondering if he has made out with other gals, why he hasn’t fucked them when he could cuz he’s single? then, my other gal says cuz he’s getting it from me which is a good start. Right now, I am not sad that we’re not together.. As long as we’re hooking up + stay honest with each other about hooking up with others. But, then my gal says he could be testing to see if I would fuck other dudes. I don’t want to fuck any one else, but him. But, if he fucks someone else then I’ll **** someone else. And, I am always the one who calls or texts him first. But, my instincts he has still feelings for me + confused, but won’t admit to me cuz he doesn’t want to lead me on + still wants to have fun in his life. But, what happens if he just ends up just fucking me? My plan is to be friends with benefits with him so he can see I’ll be there for him through thick + thin until I get my shit together then pursue him after we have our time being with other people­­.

    If I were to follow these rules on this page, should I wait until i see how this friends with benefits goes or should I let time pass before I put this strategy to help? I NEED INPUT ASAP!

    • Erin 24 February 2012 at 4:49 pm Permalink

      Not trying to be mean, but 90% of your story made absolutely no sense. I think you need to re-write the story and read it to yourself out loud and if it doesn’t make sense to you, then it sure won’t make sense to other people. Just trying to help you out.

      • Oriental Amish 24 February 2012 at 5:57 pm Permalink

        I added more to the story + re-submitted it…. Look below….

      • Oriental Amish 24 February 2012 at 5:59 pm Permalink

        I added more to the story + re-submitted it…. Look below….No hard feelings for letting me know it didn’t make sense….

  241. angie 23 February 2012 at 4:11 pm Permalink

    Hello my name is Angie…me and my boyfriend been broken up for 3 day now…. I haven’t called him cuz I don’t wanna look stupid….I love him dearly, he made me able tto love again… its hard not contacting him… he was there through my roughest time my kid adores him… we were working on a family of our own… then he told me it was over cuz we have different opinions about alot… I Told him that’s crazy to let one tiny issues kill our relationship… I mean I been through alot and I need to know if its worth the fight, my kid was molested and he was there to hold me, I done been put out in the streets and he helped me keep my faith… he makes me feel whole… its alot to tell but please help because advice is needed dearly

    • Erin 23 February 2012 at 6:13 pm Permalink

      Hi Angie,
      I would like to give you some advice, but I can’t until I know the reason WHY he left. Can you please share what you and him had different opinions on? Well, I guess I can try to give advice in the meantime. It sounds to me like this guy can’t handle the type of “baggage” you have. Some guys will tell you they are ok with whatever drama you have or had going on in your life, but the vast majority of guys who say this to a woman start to feel overwhelmed and trapped some time during the relationship. They just can’t “deal with it”. I don’t know if your ex said anything like that to you, so its kind of a speculation on my part. In any case, your ex sounds like he just wants his freedom back. He doesn’t want those kinds of responsibilities anymore which leads me to believe that he is just being selfish. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, I’m just trying to help. I still need to know what your differences of opinion are about. If you think its something THAT SMALL then he’s just an asshole.

      • angie 23 February 2012 at 7:55 pm Permalink

        he told me I always have an negative opinion dealing with situation with his child (she is 3) or the mother of his child…but I dnt his kid lives in Mississippi and his child mom moved on purpose before we met, s he told me negative things abut her in the beggining and never filled in the blanks…I told him I’m defensive of him because his feelings get hurt by her action which cause me to get pissed…bu I told him we just gotta communicate better with each other and we can fix the opinion issues if things really changed… he said he lovess me dearly and he care but since he been getting neg opinions from me he hassnt been feeling me much….now it more right…do I have a shot..I know he lives me but what should I really do to fix the lve he’s holding back from me?

        • Erin 23 February 2012 at 9:13 pm Permalink

          Wait, I’m confused. Your original post said that the child was your child. In your response to me, now you’re saying the child is his. I’m lost. Lol. Anyway, if he is gonna break up with you over something like that, he is a complete douche bag and clearly doesn’t love you. It really sounds like he’s trying to make every excuse to leave you, and then making it seem like it was all your fault. You haven’t done anything to deserve that. I would not be surprised if he started seeing someone else prior to him dumping you. His reason for dumping you is utterly ridiculous and I know you love him, but really, why waste your time with him if he pulls stupid shit like that? I think that if you choose to try and get him back, you will regret it. He isn’t going to change his mind unless he wants a booty call and that’s messed up. Guys are jerks. Kick him in the balls.

          • angie 24 February 2012 at 2:59 am Permalink

            how bout we exchange numbers I would really like to tell u te story… you seem like your a god person for advice…if u don’t mind cuz its more to the story but alot to type

  242. angie 23 February 2012 at 4:12 pm Permalink

    Does the method really work

    • Erin 24 February 2012 at 4:26 pm Permalink

      Would you be open to emailing me first and then exchanging numbers? I don’t want to put my number on blast for a bunch of strangers to see. I would like to keep my stalkers to a minimum. Lol. Just kidding. But for real, just email me k.

      allenerin1985@yahoo.com

  243. Oriental Amish 23 February 2012 at 6:43 pm Permalink

    BTW, I guess it’d be better how we got together and what happened…. We were together for a few months….We met online + @ first, I wasn’t that into him as he was into me…. But, I kept talking to him, anyways…. We finally went on a date, which, went very well…. The next day, he was even nice enough to help out my mom + then afterwards, he introduced me to his mom and his stepdad…. He told his mom + stepdad a little bit about me already…. This was only the day after our first date…. We dated from then on…. He got along very well with my son, which, was very important to me…. He ate with my family sometimes…. My parents were into him…. This all happened in September…. On Halloween weekend, we made it official…. Things were really good between us…. We were so into each other…. Even on Thanksgiving, he once blurted out, “I love you” ,but then said he wasn’t sure…. I chose to not think any of that because we had became official + had been drinking…. Things resumed to being good…. He was even a little concerned when my ex, the father of my son, came into town from out of state to stay with my family for a few days….He @ one point said it was killing that there were was some other dude staying @ my home…. But, then after my ex left, things were still good…. Then, there was this time where he said would be going to a Christmas work party and assumed he wanted me to go with him because when we 1st started dating he had already asked me to go to this particular party with him…. But, when it came closer to the day of the party, he was unsure on whether he could even bring someone + then when he found out he could, he said the issue was whether he would have got off work early enough to be able to pick me up + go to the party…. Then, when I came up with a solution where I said I could just meet him @ the party then he said he had thought about it + decided to go solo…. Then, I got real upset + even cried about it…. I should have let it go…. Then, I tried bringing up the issue again after a few days…. Then, on the same week, a few days before Christmas, he told me @ times, he wants a girlfriend and other times, he doesn’t…. But, he said he still liked me a lot + my family + still wanted to see me…. But, just not be committed…. I cried that same night + didn’t call him @ all the next day…. But, on that same day, I received a text from him telling me he missed + was thinking about me…. Then, he came over for a bit + even ate with my parents…. I asked his day went + he said it felt weird cuz I guess we broke up…. Then, from that day on, he still considered me his girlfriend and still exclusively dating…. But, still didn’t want to be committed fully…. For a week and a half, things were wonderful like we just started dating…. I didn’t contact him until initiated first…. And, he did…. Then, for New Years, he said he was going to school reunion by himself…. Learning from the Christmas party incident, I told him I wasn’t upset that he wanted to go by himself + would be okay if a girl ended up kissing him as long as he didn’t initiate it + didn’t feel anything for her because it’s a tradition on NYE to give kisses…. But, on NYE, he decided to not go + ended up coming over to my house…. He said he decided he wanted to spend NYE with me…. I asked if he missed us being together…. He said he did + really wanted to be with me, but he just wanted me to make positive changes to my life as in getting my license, get a good job, and have a better relationship with my parents…. I promised him I would and asked him to be my boyfriend again…. He accepted…. Things were good from then on…. But, then the thing that was bothering me a little that he wouldn’t put that we’re in a relationship on his FB…. I thought it was kinda odd because when we 1st got together, he put “in a relationship” the day after we made it official + the day after we 1st broke up, he changed it back to “single.” So, I asked him a few times to please change his status and said he would when we felt like it…. I realize now, I shouldn’t have made a fuss about it…. Then, within half a week later, he told me he didn’t want to be committed to any one…. He wanted to be able to see other chicks…. And, if I had a license and a job then maybe things would be different…. But, what kinda baffled was that just a week before he dumped me, he was telling me he wanted to build a future together and would be happy to spend the rest of his life with me, but only after I learned how to drive + got a good job…. It’s been almost 2 weeks since we broke up, I’ve done the thing where I would call + text him @ least once a week…. He answered me + talked for a little bit…. But, with the exception of one time, he has never initiated contact with me…. I asked if he ever thinks or misses me and says from time to time, he does like how I am doing + how my son is…. But, he doesn’t call or text because he doesn’t want to lead me on into thinking there is something more…. I know he is flirting with other chicks cuz he is a dude, but so am I…. It’s inevitable….But, I know I only still want to be with him…. I have this belief that even if a guy may have feelings for his ex that he still would hook up or talk to other chicks, just to maybe get his mind off + got his needs…. As much as I don’t want him to be hooking up with others, I think this is what needs to happen before as in one being with others before we get back together, if its meant to happen…. When, I consult a few of my friends about this, they tell me to forget him because if he really wanted to be with me he would still want to be with despite the fact that I didn’t drive or have a job…. While, a few others agree with me that’s what I gotta do whatever it takes to get him back, which, is learn how to drive + get a job…. I am not just doing it all for him…. I am 28 years old + should have taken care of this shit years ago, especially for my son…. But, now, he’s a bigger incentive….

    Anyways, I had thought about writing that letter to him, but I think it’s too soon…. As of last week, we had just gotten to the point where we are getting along really well + established that we be friends with benefits…. Before that, it would be awkward whenever we tried to talk or hang out…. I actually had thought about writing a letter to him before I saw this web site because I remembered @ one point when we were 1st together, he told me he actually wanted me to hand-write a love letter to him…. And, if I had sent that letter saying I had moved on now, wouldn’t it make him think that I am trying to get a reaction out of him? Plus, I am not accomplishing the things I should be doing, which is getting my license, getting a job, or seeing other dudes…. I am just focusing full time on getting a good GPA in school + taking care of my son….

    So, speed up to what’s happening now, as of last week, my ex and I decided to be friends with benefits with the option of hooking up with others, as long as we;’re honest with each other. He told he hooked up with other chicks, but only making out. But, we have fucked a couple of times. He says he wants to hang/miss me (more as a person) from time to time. But, he doesn’t initiate hanging out much because he knows I got my son + school. My friend thinks he he could have feelings for me deep down, but still wants to see me some time as in thats why he let me initiate hanging out. But, he told me he just doesn’t want to commit to any one right now. When we hang out, after we fuck, he spoons with me to the point where he takes my legs hostage with his. He even initiated the spooning when usually I am the one who does that. He gives me lingering hugs when we hang out. Then on Valentine’s Day, I happened to tell him I was having drinks with a guy, then while texting the next day, he asked me, “Did you hook up with me? Plz be honest”.When I told him about my plans the day before + didn’t reply back, he just that I thought he didn’t care cuz he said he would never ask if I hooked up with any one cuz then he’d care + if he did then he would be with me. My gal friends say he he may have mix feelings for me bnut won’t admit.he always thinking not to lead me on but at the same time completely.Mix feelings as in he’;s sleeping with me + seien other gals but seems comfy with me because he has been with me since.Then, on the day before we hooked uip, he asked if I was @ school because he was thinking of “kidnapping’+ taking me back to his place even to just fuck. i thought it was cute though cuz he usually does initiate hanging out. Then, on Saturday night, I came oveer to stay over. We did play a game + watched a movie + fucked a little.We cuddled for a bit in bed + this morning after he woke up…. But, what’s funny last night was that he had some crazy nightmare that we were both sleeping in another room @ his place when Freddy Krueger came in + tried to kill both of us…. He said, Freddy killed me 1st, like throwing against the wall….I asked how did it make him him feel when seeing me die in that dream. He said he was petrified, but I didn’t ask if it was because if it was cuz seeing me die or the fact that Freddy Krueger came + tried to kill us. But, it’s odd that I was in his dream when I was sleeping right next to him. You think I was in his dream cuz maybe he subconsciously cares or have feelings for me? My gal says, “He thinks a lot about you and dream about you hehe. Crazy dream though lol. You know they say that if you think alot of someone or something you dream of them constantly.Then, i keep wondering if he has made out with other gals, why he hasn’t fucked them when he could cuz he’s single? then, my other gal says cuz he’s getting it from me which is a good start. Right now, I am not sad that we’re not together.. As long as we’re hooking up + stay honest with each other about hooking up with others. But, then my gal says he could be testing to see if I would fuck other dudes. I don’t want to fuck any one else, but him. But, if he fucks someone else then I’ll **** someone else. And, I am always the one who calls or texts him first. But, my instincts he has still feelings for me + confused, but won’t admit to me cuz he doesn’t want to lead me on + still wants to have fun in his life. But, what happens if he just ends up just fucking me? My plan is to be friends with benefits with him so he can see I’ll be there for him through thick + thin until I get my shit together then pursue him after we have our time being with other people­­.

    So, I was talking with my close gal friend who suggested that @ least for week, I should not contact him @ all because it seems like he has feelings for me + would contact me within this week…. But, so far he hasn’t…. It’s been only a few days…. But, I think it would take him more than a week to contact me 1st…. He has a busy job, working 6 out 7 days a week + still get work-related calls after he’s off…. From what I gather when we were still in contact, he’d just been chillin + playing video games…. He does go to sleep early a lot of times…. So, I am hoping to god, that he will contact me…. I am gonna give it like 2 weeks + then contact him because I am still think it’s too early to write that letter to him….

    If I were to follow these rules on this page, should I wait until i see how this friends with benefits goes or should I let time pass before I put this strategy to help? I NEED INPUT ASAP!

    • Oriental Amish 23 February 2012 at 6:48 pm Permalink

      BTW, I almost for that for for Christmas, after our 1st break up, when were still seeing each other, but not officially committed…. He had bought a me a beautiful gold + silver + diamond necklace as well as a Powerwheel for my son…. My necklace costed almost $200 + as well as my son’s gift….

      • Erin 24 February 2012 at 6:49 pm Permalink

        Omg, you cannot be serious! Wtf? Who does shit like that? Girl, he is playing you like a fiddle. He knows that you will never reject him. Whether it be physically, emotionally, etc. From what you wrote, he doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.

        Wow, I’ve been in a relationship like that and then one day I snapped out of it. My ex used to say stupid shit like “it took me dumping you for you to get your shit together?” I was like “uhhh, no. It took you dumping me to realize how much happier I am without you. It has nothing to do with getting my shit together just so you will take me back because I don’t want you to want me back.”

        • Oriental Amish 24 February 2012 at 7:35 pm Permalink

          I am relieved to know that my latest story actually made more sense to you the the last post….;-)p Well, he may think he may be playing me like a fiddle, but after reading through this site, I think I am gonna actually go through with writing this letter eventually and just do to the NO CONTACT thing @ all until he contacts me first…. And, TBH, I may have still have feelings for him, but @ the same time, I can put aside my emotions to get the booty…. The sex is too good to give up…. And, if he really ended up fucking me only then I think it’s a good start…. Plus, in a way, I am having my cake + eating it, too…. @ this point, I am actually down to meeting new guys to see what out is out there…. But, by reading the 1st part of the story where I described our relationship, doesn’t it seem like he could still have still have feelings for me deep down + won’t admit it to me any time soon cuz he could be confused or I dunno….

          • Erin 24 February 2012 at 8:17 pm Permalink

            Well no, I don’t think he is confused. If you’re okay with the fact that he may never fully commit to you, then go for it I guess, but if you think that if you sleep with him enough that he will change his mind, then you have another thing coming. You’re going to do what you want, but this guy sounds like a jerk. Like I said, if you’re okay with the situation at hand then that’s cool, but I think you might be holding on to false hope. You said you were not sad that you guys aren’t together, so I don’t know why you want to write him a letter anyway? You’re kind of flip flopping and it sounds like you don’t know what you want. I dunno. My opinion still stands….he’s a jackass. Lol.

  244. Cherry 23 February 2012 at 8:14 pm Permalink

    We have been in a relation for 2 years, the first year was full of problems and fights coz of his ex wife & his always longing to his kids ! After a while, he got calm and adopted to his divorce situation, he was complaining of my nervous, i changed completely and got calm even infront of his nervous and dirty words, i keep silent. I am waiting for marriage, his daily excuse is financial, although he owns an apartment but his home preparations are really slowly coz of many NON SENSE excuses, i think if a guy loves a woman, he can do everything to rush this moment, i tried to break up many times and disappeared, he got crazy especially when he knew that another guy likes me and wants to marry me, he starts to chase me everywhere begging me to stay and promise me EVERY time that he will do anything for me, each time i believe and trust him coz im sure he loves me but after 2-3 weeks, i found him again fighting and doing all the mess he was doing, ufffff Oh my God, i am really pissed off but i love him ! he doesnt know what is responsibility !! putting in consideration that i bear a lot and was acting like a man in this relationship, i stand by his side, support and give him care, even if his kids need something and he cannot get, i go and get it to them in order not to make him feel sad that he couldnt do the thing to his kids. ALso, my parents are so patient with him, willing to give him all support and help. Always give him another chance when he is back saying sorry to not respect his words with my dad.
    I dont know what to do, i give him all love, respect and support….

    Shall i leave, shall i stay??? like any girl, I want to have a home and family… he is selfish coz already he had this life before.

    Finally i thought to ignore him, but he as i explained above, comes back and promised a lot of times and nothing happened and NO progress. He is the kind of men that when he has a problem, he can destroy every thing around him and then get guilty.
    Please tell me i need your urgent advice, what shall i do, I did everything with him and he still not changed and never learn from his faults…

  245. Hurtingheart 24 February 2012 at 5:29 am Permalink

    I’ve been with my girl for 5 years like all couples there have been ups and downs I’ve said some horrible things to her it’s been a whole month and half now no contact I did the letter thing and left it at tht from there I relive my problems by self harming myself which is not a good thing todo I’ve become so depressed that 5 years of my life have been for what??? Before I came to your site I made the mistakes of begging crying all the usual I’m a weak person I guess when it comes to love .ive stook by the no contact rule and achieved nothing for someone to change that bad and become bitter is unbelievable I’d asked for a final chance but throughout the 5 years all she looks at is the negative non of the happiness that we shared she stated that she loves me and always will is that what love is about after saying that ignoring me altogether like a piece of shit. I drink everyday I don’t even eat proper lost a stone and half and as for the scars on wrists they tell another story . I’ve tryed my best and loved her with all heart she don’t want to Knw not a text not a call to even see how I’m feeling granted we all make mistakes but to dump me killed me love hurts a lot maybe this was how it was suppose to be I sit I. The dam car park at work crying and throughout the day have stupid Thrts like should I kill myself sometimes I just feel like a need a hug but there is no one there to even get that from its like I’m lost I don’t even know myself any more my dam hairs all falling out too due to this somebody please help me please before I do something stupid to myself

  246. Lynn 24 February 2012 at 10:33 am Permalink

    I have a really strange situation. I have been seeing a guy for 6 months. Things were going great and we were really, really happy until his ex of 2 years randomly sends him a text. For about the past month we have been through a roller coaster ride but he tells me that he wants to be with me and that he loves me. Before these issues, he would call or text every chance he had. We are still seeing each other, although not as often. He doesn’t call as much as he used to and he may or may not answer my text. Of course I always reply to him but yesterday my phone was messed up so I was not receiving any. When they finally did come in he was furious because he thought I was ignoring him!! I’m totally lost as to what to do with all this. HELP!!!

  247. Ashley 24 February 2012 at 11:26 am Permalink

    I was wondering if I could get some advice.

    I was talking to this guy for 8 months before we finally decided to get together in June. When we did it was going really well at first, I noticed that he was pulling a little bit away at the beginning of August, but I was going to be going away on vacation so I tried to not let it bother me because I knew he’d have a bit more space and a break from me because I wouldn’t be able to really contact him for a month.

    He has had terrible relationship failures in the past, been cheated on every time so I was a little reluctant to initially get involved because I knew that he was more of a non-commitment type person. The only reason I agreed to try was because we got along really well and because he had told me that he really wanted a relationship with me and he had never felt that way before.

    So when I was on vacation something terrible happened to me and when I told him about it he freaked out because I thought I had cheated on him, which when I explain to him later what had actually happened he apologized for thinking that in the first place, but it made him have second thoughts about everything and that he needed space. I didn’t talk to him for a couple days until I got home, but as soon as I did he didn’t really talk to me and ended it a week later.

    At the time I wish I had given it to him, but because I was a wreck and very insecure I probably pushed him into breaking up with me. He told me he just didn’t want it any more and that he had been thinking about it for a while but he didn’t know how to tell me. But right before I left he told me he loved me and that he hasn’t ever said that to anyone before, so it really meant a lot.

    So when he broke up with me he said that he’d still be there for me, but you know how it works when they actually leave and start ignoring you when you really needed them so I went a little text and fb message crazy, which I seriously regret now because he believes I’m psychotic. But at the same time, we’ve slept together almost every two weeks and it’s going to be 6 months soon. I finally put my foot down and ended that, the only reason I was doing it in the first place was because it was the only time I could actually see him which isn’t a good excuse at all, but still that was my reasoning.

    I asked him a few weeks ago to get a coffee to just catch up (my plan was to demonstrate that I’m not actually insane) and he agreed, but kept blowing it off for good reasons but I got the vibe he just didn’t want to, so when I last talked to him he said he didn’t want to talk to me because he didn’t want to start things up again because I’ve been too crazy and he doesn’t want anything right now.

    I really believe that we could work, it was just unfortunate circumstances that caused a freak out and his commitment phobia to come back out again. I’m going to do no contact now for a month and see how I feel then, but I really want him back. I’m just scared that if I do no contact he won’t ever come back. I’ve heard the “get over it” so many times and I know I should, but you want what you want, and you can’t help it all the time.

    I guess my question is basically do you think there’s still a slight chance that he may change his mind eventually if I do no contact for at least a month or has too much damage been done?

  248. Karen 26 February 2012 at 8:33 pm Permalink

    Its been nearly two months since my breakup. I followed the no contact rule and received a text from my ex, we started talking and it turned into an argument. We then made peace, he said he still cares about me and wants to be friends. I said I still cared about me, but did not agree to be friends. The next few times he contacted me (normally via text, once a week) I was brief, until the last two messages I just started ignoring him. He stopped contacting me two weeks ago, and I didn’t contact him either. This week I got a text from him and I replied, we have now chatted this whole week on text messages. He sends about 10 – 20 text a day.. Just random stuff, until yesterday he asked me to help him with some issue he is trying to resolve.
    I’m not sure what to do. I want him back and i’m trying to show I am having fun and loving life again. I’m not sure if he is contacting me because he still cares, or if he just wants me to help him..
    The help he needs is nothing serious, just some issue with a product he bought.
    I have been holding back for 2 months, and its been so hard not to phone him and tell him I want him back.
    Now don’t know what to do? Do I continue these chats on text and hope he will ask me out again? Do I play along and help him with his small issue?
    Not sure if any of this is moving us closer together?

  249. brian 28 February 2012 at 5:07 am Permalink

    My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for a month now, the day after our 2 year anniversary she dumps me and moves out. She says she still loves me but she has sex with someone else about a week after the break up. Call me crazy but I still want her back. And I just don’t know what to do because she just keeps me on the back burner for help or if somethin doesn’t work out she’ll talk to me but other than that she wants nothing to do with me. I don’t know what to do…

  250. brian 28 February 2012 at 5:10 am Permalink

    My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for a month now, the day after our 2 year anniversary she dumps me and moves out. She says she still loves me but she has sex with someone else about a week after the break up. Call me crazy but I still want her back. And I just don’t know what to do because she just keeps me on the back burner for help or if somethin doesn’t work out she’ll talk to me but other than that she wants nothing to do with me. I don’t know what to do… And when she finds out I’m doing something she gets all pissed off and says things to hurt me. What should I do?

  251. Ollie 28 February 2012 at 9:45 am Permalink

    I was just wondering if anybody knows any signs that an interloper is meddling in the affairs between you and your ex? We had been building a bridge between us for nearly 2 months, after I used the techniques (inc. no contact, which worked in only 3 days..!), she realised suddenly she’d made a mistake breaking up with me. I actually wasn’t the reason for the breakup, it was that she had so much going on in her life she felt she was holding me back and didn’t have time for me. Thought the breakup was very sudden, and an on the spot decision. I obviously know I had something to do with the breakup, but it wasn’t anything major, as I am very loyal, caring and kind to those I love. However, she has two friends, how can I say this, that I don’t have much respect for. They have both thrown their blokes (the fathers of their children) out of their homes for minor misdemeanours such as coming back late from the pub. And have openly admitted to hating men before. Proclaiming them to be useless and ‘not needed’ by women. So I am beginning to wonder now, since it’s now nearly three months, why my ex has suddenly become more closed off and won’t make any effort anymore to bridge the gap. She now suddenly, despite 2 and a half months gradually edging her way back in, says she doesn’t know what she wants anymore. I’ve not hung on desperately, have kept my pride, and am now left wondering what to do next… Does anyone know how to spot relationship meddling from an outside party..?

  252. Help. 28 February 2012 at 12:36 pm Permalink

    Hi. I need your help. Me and my ex, well me and him and our other friend, we’re all best friends. So before anyone says “get over him and move on”, I can’t. I can’t lose him. That’s not an option. He is so individualized and different than most guys. I can’t explain him. Also, he doesn’t have very long relationships at all. Okay so, first of all, he used to ask me out several times daily! He used to chase after me all the time. I finally really started to have strong feelings for him a while after we first met. We dated once for two days and that’s when I ended it, unfortunately. I regret it deeply, but it happened and I can’t change it. I ended it, really on horribly stupid reasons. I liked him so much, I got insanely scared so I broke up with him. Then, he dated another girl and I didn’t know about her and he kissed me, then we made out. When he told me about her, we stopped and a few days later, they broke up because she found out. Then, we dated again for two weeks and everything was going perfect until he broke up with me out of the blue! I thought things were getting more serious because we lost our virginites to eachother. I couldn’t even handle it. I totally lost it. I just lost it and was so confused. He told me he needed a break, time, and space. I later found out that he broke up with me because he lost interest. He was head over heels for me for the longest time. Why when I finally fall for him, he backs out? How is that fair? And now he has a new girlfriend and they first kissed today and I heard she felt nothing and it was weird or something. I just want him back. You know that feeling when your stomach sinks and you feel like you don’t want to be anything or go anywhere unless it’s with that one person? Yeah, that’s the feeling. I’m absolutely in love with him and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m desperate to get him back. I just want him in my arms. I hate the idea of him having someone else to make him happy. I know they aren’t right for eachother though. We have so much in common and he was so sweet to me and we just connected on every level possible. He loved me at some point and I want to get back to that point. Where he’s happy to be with me and that point where he feels so privliged to be with me. I want to be the girl he chases after and loves to death. It may be my last chance after dating him twice before. Please help me. I’m absolutely desperate. I’ll do absolutely anything to have the love of my life back in my arms. I just want to sleep all the time so time can pass by until maybe he’ll finally feel that way about me again. Please help. Thanks so much.

  253. Cie 29 February 2012 at 3:56 pm Permalink

    I met this man at a new year’s eve party! My hair was messed up from the humidity but my dress was cute…didn’t expect to meet anyone, just came with a friend to dance and celebrate. So this guy was attractive to me, but I didn’t worry too much about him, I danced a lot and had fun and then we danced several songs together and ended up chatting on the patio, he kinda followed me around. Four of us went out to eat afterwards, my girlfriend being the sociable gal that she is…so anyhow I ended up dating this man for the last seven weeks. He’s my first boyfriend since my divorce! We got close–I liked what he had to say, and he was sexy.

    What the hell! I went for it and we had some awesome times in bed….then I realized my heart was following my body and I was falling for this dude. Then I started realizing that he wasn’t very available…too much work, too much issues, too much of his personal rules & saying he might move to Florida. All this time we are all sweet to each other and warm and affectionate and sexy and he gets to know my home and I get to know his friends a little…but he was somewhat unavailable to me in between.

    So mind you, after seven weeks, only seven weeks, he asked me what I was thinking, so I told him! — I asked him, ” Do you think you could fall in love with me?” He said, “I don’t know,” and I was just like, well ok, here goes…. And I told him unless he was thinking of taking me to Florida with him, I don’t have the time or energy to invest in seeing him. Boom! No big discussions, we finished our date, it was nice, and he went home. I would never ask a guy that question after such a short time in most circumstances, never! But I just wanted to stop the anxiety.

    I felt really bad the next day, really sad about my handsome man, but the day after that, I felt good and free. Get the hell out while I still have some sanity! And the day after that, I got in touch with a guy who was interested in me, and he was very nice…who knows if anything will come of that! I still like the New Year’s guy obviously, but it was only a few weeks…we will see what, or if, he thinks anything more about making something real with me. Meanwhile I am living my life.

  254. angie 1 March 2012 at 4:50 am Permalink

    Hey its me again so it been 11 days since my break up an I decided to text him 2 days ago ….I didn’t think he was goin to respond to it but I had to at least try…I tried to do the no contact t thing but after the 8th day I started to get depressed so that’s y I text him…anyways he asked about my daughter I told him she had been asking about him… and she drew a pic of him, and some how the conversation ended up with him saying he wanted to see my daughter…I told him this could be arranged …so this Saturday were gonna meet up …my question is does he really wanna see my daughter or is this his way of seeing me… I mean y would he wanna see me daughter if he knows I’m still hurting its only been a week… someone tell me what this could be… do you all think he gonna wanna talk about the relationship

    • SallyCat 2 March 2012 at 5:42 am Permalink

      It sounds to me like he just wants to see your daughter. If I myself heard a child was thinking about me and drawing pictures of me, I honestly could not ignore that, no matter what the situation is. I too would want to see the child if they missed me so much.

      If you ask me, it is best to not talk about the relationship at all with an ex unless they initiate the conversation first. It is best to act as if you do not care and that you are functioning perfectly fine without them. If he asks what you’ve been up to, tell him you’ve been having fun with friends (and be honest … go out and have fun with friends … it will help you heal faster). Tell him all the positives and leave out the negatives. It is hard, I’ve been through it myself, but trust me you become a more attractive person when you act as if you are doing fine. If you do the opposite and act miserable, he will tell himself that he made the right choice to end it. But if you act confident, it may get him thinking differently.

  255. SallyCat 2 March 2012 at 5:34 am Permalink

    It has been 12 days of no contact with my ex. He broke up with me out of the blue in November 2011. He is in the Navy, so I never see him, but he really wanted to remain my friend. I, at first, told him I could not be his friend after how harsh he was with the break up with all his insults and the way he spread our break up over face book for all his friends to read and comment on with happiness for it. When I told him this, he apologized for his behavior, for he really wanted to remain my friend and stay in contact, so being the overly nice person I am, I agreed.

    We text once in a blue moon. Sometimes he will initiate and sometimes I initiate. Normally it’s the usual “Hey, how are you? What have you been up to?” type of conversation. In early January he told me he missed me and that he is “not as cold of a person” as he pretends to be and that he is hurting form the breakup, but with his insults I just could not take him back after the way he broke up with me. A part of me really does want him back, but I just know deep down I can’t.

    Anyway, we continued having normal “Hey, what’s up? How is your day going” type of texts messages. On February 18th I noticed a text from him that said “Hey, are you busy?” but I did not see it until 4 hours later in the day after I got off work. I texted back to tell him “Sorry, I was at work, but now I am free.” He responded with “Nevermind it now” and I said a simple “ok”

    Did he want to talk to me on the phone? Why else would a long distance ex ask me if I were busy? It’s been 12 days since those text messages. 12 days is the longest we’ve gone with no contact since our break up.

    Should I contact him? I do not wish to get back with him, but I’m just curious what his text message was about. What should I say if I contact him?

    • KAT 4 March 2012 at 1:08 am Permalink

      I understand how you feel. When I read your post, I went back to your first paragraph. It speaks volumes. A few texts cannot make up for his conduct after your breakup. The basis of your relationship was not ‘friends’ and ask yourself, would your friends treat you that way.
      Texting you with ‘nevermind’ after your gracious reply that you were at work but are free now shows me that he is impulsive and rather immature if he doesn’t get immediate satisfaction.
      My advice is to do what you want but know that he has no motivation to change and you cannot help him or make him. You will be prolonging the misery at this point, I think.

      • Sally Cat 7 March 2012 at 12:27 am Permalink

        Like I said, I do not plan to get back with him. He actually did end up calling me just this past weekend. He mentioned that our 4 year anniversary would have been next week. Then we got caught up on what each other has been doing lately. Then he said to me: “Have you met any cute guys yet?” … I can’t imagine why he asked me that though. Is he keeping tabs on me or is he just curious?

        I told him I was not interested in dating as of now, so I hadn’t been looking. He responded by telling me he was not looking either. He claims the girls where he is at are too immature for him. When I told him he was only 22 years old, he said the girls were 18 and 19 and were in their immature age range. That’s what he told me.

        I don’t know. I kind of think he wants me back, but then again men confuse me. Like I said, I won’t get back with him. I’m just curious about his recent actions.

  256. Jackie 3 March 2012 at 11:44 pm Permalink

    I want to do this but I’m too scared… …. I’ve been dating this guy for almost 4 years and then we broke up.. it’s been 4 months now since we broke up but we still talk to each other. And sometimes he invites me at his mom’s place for dinner… A week ago he went to Cuba, and I feel like he went there with someone else but before he left he told me that he will miss me and he loves me. Why did he say that? I don’t really understand. 3 months ago he met someone. And I found out that the girl he met showed up at their house. And I think this girl slept there for a night while his parents are not around. I don’t really know what to do. I want this pain to go away so bad. PLS HELP!

  257. chris 4 March 2012 at 8:09 pm Permalink

    well my ex and i broke up two weeks ago and i still love her but when we broke up it was like all the sudden she wanted to break up.right now i’m trying no contact and every once and a while we talk but for like 5 minutes then one of us leave .she does see me flirt with other girls and will get excited to see me every once and a while and i’m afraid to try the letter since i’m afraid of her thinking “ok he has moved on so should i ” can you please help me write this letter btw i know that her parents don’t like me since always because i’m one of those metalheads and that was a part of the reason we broke up thanks

  258. Martin 8 March 2012 at 12:47 am Permalink

    Hi i really need help here and i cant deal with this and really dont know what to do..

    She is 16, i am 18.. we have been going out for a year and into the 3rd month, then 2 nights ago she just let me wake up to a message saying she wanted a break, and it was things to do with her fmaily.. there is no problems with us and we get on so well together! She wanted a break once before, but came back to me the next day when i did the no contact rule, she thought i was ignoring her and got scared.. the second time she told me she didnt love me anymore, but after school when some people fell out with her she broke down and asked me to sit with her.. then we sorted it out..

    when i saw the message i begged and begged for a good 10 texts, every reply was just basically ‘ im sorry’ and once even said ‘ the less we talk, we can move on’ this is why im afraid of the no contact rule :( im afraid of her moving on.. i text her a day after no contact saying ‘i know you want space, and im giving you it.. i understand, but im just asking, is it just a wee break then once things are sorted we get back? :/’ and she replied ‘Im not sure yet.’ i didnt reply.. what does this mean can anyone tell me?

    i really dont want to lose this girl i love her so much and she brings the best out in me, ive did EVERYTHING right in this relationship and dont understand why she is doing this :( i honestly cant cope and im not sure if this tactic will work?

    i have a few clothes and stuff to get from her house but im nervous to ask can i get them, i want to talk to her when i go collect them, but she probably wont want to talk :/ i was going to write a love letter to her before i found this page, now im so confused.. she is so good at hiding her feelings and i really want to get her back.. this is the 3rd day but im an emotional wreck, she knows i care and love her so much..

    oh just to top it off i found out she said to her friend im ‘too clingy’ even tho i only see her on weekends due too school, i do text her basically 24/7but i honestly dont mind cutting it way down, she should of just me this and we could of sorted it :( i just dont like how she is doing all of this over text, after all ive done for her its not fair on me..

    if anyone can give me advice on how to her her back or how to cope with the heartbreak i welcome it.. its just too hard:(

  259. Lilly 8 March 2012 at 11:32 am Permalink

    So my Boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me a week ago. Naturally i am heart broken. Here is the twist. We started off hot and heavy. We were crazy about each other. Then he told me for the past month his feelings for me have gradually been going down and that its felt more forced. Granted i have been very stressed, we came to the conclusion that it was my stress and me being self concious.
    Anyways i don’t know if i should write the letter… Should i bother. I miss him so much. Please help. And how long should i wait? Do it in a week? Maybe two…? I wish i had the software, but i am broke….

  260. Alexis 10 March 2012 at 3:49 pm Permalink

    Hi, my situation is, me and my gf recently just broke off.. Due to tons of agreement and quarrel.. We were tgt for almost 2 year.. We had good and bad time.. But only recently she text me a long message wanting us to remain as friend as we have lots of things to catch up, and probably need sometime to think through.. So after the break up, I keep texting her and message her about what is it happening all this.. Is somehow pushing her further.. Only last few I texted her again can I meet you for a talk, and she agree.. So we had talk things out and everything.. But I got rejected by her saying that this two week of breakup, she had lots of peace.. She told me she need time to digest all those things I have said. And wanted to remain what it is temporary.. I was relucten to accept this but have to agree with it.. And following day, she called me and told me someone is aftering her for sometime but she and that guy just normal friend.. So my conclusion is, is this gonna work? Please advice me

  261. whit 13 March 2012 at 8:24 am Permalink

    My boyfriend broke up with me a little while ago. So I tried the no contact thing and it actually helped a lot. Now we have started to hang out more and more and it feels like things are getting better. He says he wants independence but at some points he does want to be with me. Its like friends with benefits kinda, meaning we hang out and we still flirt and other stuff but we still remain friends. I know he loves me cause he told me of course but what should I do next so I don’t mess things up? Also does making yourself look unavailable actually work?

  262. Dick 15 March 2012 at 6:24 am Permalink

    (My first language is not english).
    We have known eachother for about 5 years and 9 months. Back then, and 1-2 years later, things have been so terribly difficult for both of us, on each side. It took more than 2 years before we met. After that things were not ready yet, there is some distance between us. There are more things in it that is possible to mention here, but,
    we both have experiencied that we have been the most near person for eachother etc. We are both quite the same, especially in certain values, and different to others. And we are also different in other ways. Due to some things.. there were problems between us, maybe which developed most because of the distance, and projected on other things. So much complex psychology has been it, until this day.

    She has been, and still is, different because of, what I do believe, she has asperger traits, she’s been diagnosed with it once, and adhd too, although she is more like add. Her medication on that slowed down the asperger traits, definately, but also made her doing less well in school, which she went back to, and she bacame a nurse (the less qualified type but anyway) she got almost full top grade. During the time she studied, I started to fell bad, and probably because I was dumb to take a sertralin-medication (like zoloft). I hade been feeling depressed earlier that year, 2010, because of the bad situation with my previous wife, and because I worked to much, and it wasn’t a real job, because here in this country they can force people to work, you may find where to work on your own too, but then to get very very little money. I made a full work and even more on a second hand company, a worked so efficiently, more than anyone had done on that department I actually took over, som that departments’s profits increased, even up to 100%. I only had about as 4 dollars per hour, to put in us dollar value. My country is in western Europe. But people who have been unemplyed for too long, like ihad, can be forced to do this, to get any money, even if it is so low. Anyway, I felt bad and my “girlfriend” told me I should go to a doctor etc, in order to get some rest. Which I did. I also stopped that, not worthy job I “had”.

    My iron values were very low so I was put on some tests, but iron tablets fixed it. I did feel very happy for a while, that was in july 2010, I felt hope for the future, and I knew what my previous wife was doing, she had found some other guy but not told me earlier, and she was very stranmge, and it had been very difficult. But the in july 2010 it felt good, I accepted it all, she had, maybe by mistake or by “mistake” sent me text messages that were supposed for that guy. That made me understand what was going on. And my new, but in a way, old girlfriend was there fore me. We had just seen eachother a few times before but know we planned to meet for real. She came to me in late july 2010. Stayed just one day.
    This was, for most of us, in many ways, one of the biggest day in our lives. Felt complete happiness. I felt as if I had to back to childhood, to remember anything like that, in being happy. I felt as I had done the times I met her earlier, it felt as
    angels were around, it was that peaceful, and I really mean this.

    She went home again. My doctor had put me on that horrible medication, she thought I should do it, because I had been depressed. I lost my id for a while at home and when I found it, it was first of August I think. I took that poison. I fewlt a change immediately, in the head it felt thicker, slower but thoughts increased at the same way. She told me after that I sounded like drunk that first evening after taking it. I just felt that thickness. Then in the days after, I began to experience that memories started to show up, but as set free, so that my feelings around them were separated, it again felt, as when the memories came, as how it was the first time I got to know about it, whatever it was. Mainly about my girlfriend, and such things that were about unpleasant things that had happened for her. Because of my life, how it had been in the years before, there was too much in my mind that had been put in layers, but in a supressed way. So when memories started to flow forward, and actually as from left to right and right to left, it felt as old supressed feelings was released but without their adaptions. Not easy to explain, but what happened, was that I felt like panic, I had to start questions to my girlfriend on the phone, even if I knew, it felt as if I had to, because it felt shifted in me, it felt as it wasn’t in order anymore. I had terrible anxiety, woke up at nights, I called her at nights, and at days when she was doing studies.
    I stopped with that sertralin after 30 days. That is now about 1,5 year ago, and I believe I am still somewhat affected because of it, I became overly sensitive, and for a very long time, I was very afraid to experience that memories and images could show up at anytime, which I could not get rid of. It has been so painful. I think about 80% of it has decayed away, but in another way, I feel changed anyway.

    Because of this, and it went on for a couple of months, me calling her, doing questions, because of my mind and memory pats, that was causing so much trouble for me. I have also been quite forgetful, more than earlier. although that can happen due to stress.

    My girlfriend tried to handle me, sometimes she went mad at me because of it, but still was so kind every time we met. Still a feeling every time as of spiritual peace almost every minute she was with me.

    Last year she came to me and stayed here for a couple of days a lot of times.

    Last year I realized I had to do changes, to get on with things, especially about education. I had a lot of bitterness in me. I finally made a certain “university”-level test which there is in my country, with it one can be qualified for educations, and I made it quite well. So well, so I can get any education I want.
    I started some school this year, before doing a longer education.

    But, before that, I behaved in a wrong way. She had warned me, she couldn’t take anymore, me behaving in a way she couldn’t do with. Like calling her at night.
    Which I did. Because of one thing, I felt very bad at the time, and in a way, she could have supported me. But she started to cry, she was like worn out because of me. Then, I did something wrong shortly after, in a way because she had told me a thing. But nonetheless, she said it was finally over the border.

    …… Then I began these courses in school, and, being with other people, and I have been isolated for so lomg time, I think it made me a bit more stable. But, too late.
    She said she wasn’t in live anymore.

    I thought it would return after a couple of days. But no. About two moths later, in early february, she said she felt a little being in love with me. But by then, we hadn’t seen eachother for a long time. She didn’t have time for it, mainly because ogf the very dense school work she had, and has.

    All the time, I have felt that, if she sees me, she will feel for me. And I have begged her, to see eachother. But declined. She made a few opings, but shortly after retaken. It has become more like “will see eachother but don’t knoe when”. When school is over, in June, she once said. But I shouldn’t hope for anything.

    More and more she has been on the defensive way. Started to say I don’t want to talk with you as before, I want to be on my own etc etc. Yet still, she have called me almost every day, maybe three exceptions so far, and sent me text messages.

    I have tried to call her, too many times. many times she has declined me, me begging her to answer with a text “No” back. Although in this, she told me that she
    is faithdful to me, although she has said she is not otherwise interested in any close relation. She has been somewhat difficult to understand.

    A couple of days ago, she took away the “together” on facebook. She has been talking about “being friends”.
    I have already for at least two month been in a strange bad-dream-feeling, every minute, hour, day. I have woken up at nights, feeling as my soul is trembling in me, as if this can’t be for real.

    She has shown very little empathy in her way, very defensive, hard, sometimes cold. Like a nother person compared to when we have met, is not the same person.
    A lot could be said abou this. She has wnted contact with me all the time, but on certain occasions saying things because of heavy emotions, she has not “forgot” how “dumb” I have been, she says.

    I read about the “no contact” strategies. I have done it somwhat in the last days, and so this morning until noon.

    She sent a mail this morning asking if I was awake. I did not reply. Then
    she wrote 5 more text messages until about 12. I did not reply.

    Then, she called me. I did not answer. In her last text message, she then wrote how sad it was, how she has felt for me and that she still has faithfulness. She also asked me why I have been overly worried.

    Then i did call her. Quite soon, she was angry with me, she talked in a fast way, asked me WHY DIDN’T YOU WRITE BACK? COULDN’T YOU AT LEAST HAVE SOME COMMON POLITENESS? And she asked why I had ignored her and so on. I tried to explain, well I thought I had to focus on my self doing some things etc, and then she was in such a emotional mood so she said she would end the call. I said please no, listen at me, you have misunderstood me, I have not had the purpose to ignore you. She was still upset and soon we had to stop talking because of her duties.

    Anyway, so I did not answer her text messages, and not the phone call. And it released so many emotions in her. If we would have been just “friends”, there shouldn’t be such emotions. And in the last text message, she wrote in a way, as if she is not over with me in her mind. Then I thought, now I have to try, to stay cool. Not to upset her. But on the other hand, I must be myself too.

    So, trying out “no contact” after that time gave a reaction immediately. I will try the best as I can, to stay cool, and to do the best of me. And I still think, she is more than someone special.

    • Dick 16 March 2012 at 2:42 am Permalink

      A comment on my own. I now saw the spelling etc above, and I see I was probably more tired when I wrote it than I understood. Tiredness, stress and fear have been mixed together. I usually wake up every morning at ca 5.10 – 540m sometimes earlier. Some new issues came up yesterday evening and today, and reaching her is many times very complicated or not possible. She is doing a lot of things at she might just reply “Busy” etc, in an asperger way, and no matter what I write to her. I have hoped, to have as little reason as possible to contact her. And she has said, no time to see eachother. And I almost know, that if she saw me now, she would like me more, she would probably become softer., and that would, hopefully, have given her a softer attitude towards me.

      Sometimes she has sent me text messages, with angry accusations, sometimes based on misunderstanding. Then, happened many times, I have desperately been calling her, begging her to answer, to let me explain. That has been very humiliating. The later in the evening, the more likely to get a “No. I need rest. ” etc. And then I have sent back a “don’t you think I nedd rest as well?”. But no. I have never met anyone with this kind of extreme asperger-pattern. But when she has been with me, there have been none of such things, as if she becomes another person. She does have mental dissociation, not diagnosed, but definately. She said she realized last year, and thinking back, it made sense. I have experienced her shifting, although her “parts” as she calls them, have identical values, and she says her parts is like a team at its best, but in recent times, she has said that she has experienced some inner conflicts. She told me, that one of her 4 parts didn’t want to break up, because of that “part” ‘s lack of common sense. Of course, this is not “normal”, but she says its fine for her. One of these parts is a ~12 yo rest of her, and I have heard her talking more as a child, although with her voice. She has said, that this “part” is totally not interested in any close relation, which makes sense. However not the 2 other parts either, where one part wants to take care of the home, and another to take care of her local political career, because, this might look strange, but she was voted for and she is part of local politics and some other things. .. now I felt as I do not want to say more, it doesn’t feel right.

      I think I have to do with someone that is complicated. I’ve been trying to think, to be without her. It is extremely difficult. I have very solid memories and so, and I know how she looks.

      I don’t really know how this has affected me, her way to think and communicate, which has been very complicated, and even though I have not been perfect either, there is such a difference. She becomes so easily defensive and that have causes countless of sudden breaks of calls, a not pleasant for of “no comtact”. I think things should be talked over at least a little bit, before just breaking a conversation. She always seems occupied, I very seldom feel
      devoted. Yet she does call me. And sending text messages. Every day.

      I want to say another thing, while I was married, and between 2003 to 2007, I made a terrible mistake. I felt alone, and looked for pals on a web site. A few replied but only one seemed to communicate more, a younger woman. Very early she showed interest in me, although I was married. She had another voice before I met her (which I shouldn’t have). When I saw her, it didn’t match. But I was like already programmed in my first impressions. She started to behave with pityness and shortly after with hints about something “bad” she had been experienced, and hidden suicide-hints. I couldn’t get away from that, it hit some weak button in me, I was never in love with that person, never ever. It was a person with mental disorders. But I was like brainwashed, I lost my mind and in the almost four years after, I only experienced pain. She developed in to a threatener in several ways, and started to abuse me mentally, in her way to talk, a lot of hidden sarcasm, and then more and more threats, while she inbetween as quite noermal. However I could never ask her “why are you being mean”, because if I did, it triggered her to become mean. During this time, I started to behave badly myself, in order to protect me. I hung up the phone if she was mean to me, but for the most I just switched off later to say it was the battery. She had such a vulgar and mean vocabulary, so it was some years later I realized, it had damaged my way to handle emotions. Because earlier, I didn’t use that bad vocabulary. It was pushed in to me. I didn’t dare to run away from her, because she threatened me, and said that I had to keep “promises” I had never given, otherwise “certain “things” would surely happen…” .

      Because of this, without first seing the connection, I had achieved a bad vocabulary, which later showed upp in times when I didn’t feel well towards her, my (ex?) girlfriend. I have also toldd her about this. I have becom more how I was before, I have been focusing on being the me that I once was. Howere, my (ex) girlfriend cannot just forgive me, for these times when I did not feel well (probably because of that horrible sertraline SSRI), it made a damage on me.

  263. Dick 16 March 2012 at 2:48 am Permalink

    Just to clarify, the woman I wrote about above, that also became a threataner, was another person, not my (ex) girlfriend.

  264. Julian 16 March 2012 at 3:48 am Permalink

    I broke up with my ex 1 year ago but i’m still madly in love with her.after we broke up she had another bf but they broke up last month.is this my chance to get her back?i haven’t contacted her since we broke up and i’m starting to feel that she hates me.what should i do?i love her.

  265. Camille 16 March 2012 at 6:39 am Permalink

    I need advice and I don’t know how to handle the situation I’m in or change myself for the better (for the sake of me and my relationsihp). Though this isn’t necessarily about winning my “ex” back. It’s about winning my boyfriend back and the way he use to be.

    Me and my boyfriend have known eachother for some time now, but have only started dating recently (a month). Within that month I questioned my trust in him, twice. The second time (which happened this week) is what set him off. I tried apologizing because I knew I was in the wrong for that (since he hasn’t given me reason not to trust him) but now he feels that he doesn’t have to give it his all anymore because it will be repaid with me questioning him again.

    I don’t know how to handle the situation, how to make him change back to the caring and sweet person he use to be not even 2 weeks ago. It is really taking a toll on me. I really need help to understand what I can do to make things work before it’s too late!

  266. Taz 18 March 2012 at 2:46 am Permalink

    Hi plz help me, i am very confused and frustrated, i have known this guy since college we never spoke to each other, but after 7 years he send me a message on facebookhe want to marry me. Slowly we became frinds and i start having feelings he also had feelings. One day he went away for a religious purpose when he came back he start ignoring me. I tried to contact him bt he ignored. Suddenly he called and said he needs space. So he broke up. We remained frinds after. After 3 years he said he wants to see me so he can tell his parents. So we met. And than after i asked him what is your answer he said give me 2 months i said ok. After 2 months he start ignoring me. Suddnly he said move on. He start telling me we got trust issues etc. i was feeling pressurised by my family to get married so all i need from him an answer. So he said leave me alone and move on. That hurt me. I cried i beged him. I chased him by messaging. But suddenly he start the silent treatment. No reply. He ignored my 100 of messages. He just dont say anything. He talks to others girls but he is avoiding me. Now its bern 5 months. I still love him. Please advice me. Thank you

  267. Caroline 19 March 2012 at 5:06 am Permalink

    My boyfriend and me where together for 14 years. We never argued, always had fun, we both thought it would never end.

    His work took him travelling last year, he did a week here and a week there, but the last time was in October when he spent 3 weeks in Asia.

    This was the longest we had ever been apart, and within days of returning he had left me saying “his view of what the relationship was had changed”

    This I understand as we had become more like best friends living together, the sex life a dwindled.

    So he left in October and has just revealed to me that he actually hooked up with a female colleague he was away with in Asia.

    Now while away, she was the only female and the only other english speaker. The life his company gives him while away is full on 5 star, best hotels, best restaurants, all the sites, all paid for.

    We have both know this girl for 8 years as a colleague, and to be honest, neither of us liked her. She was very artificial and superficial.

    So for t