If you want to get your girlfriend back or your boyfriend back, then what I’m about to reveal in this article is extremely powerful and must be used with absolute caution. This is based on human psychology triggers that is imprinted into us since the prehistoric days, and MOST people are effected by the trick I’m about to reveal with little hesitation.
This ONLY works based on this psychological principle:
- People want what they can’t have
There is a REASON human beings want what they can’t have. Why? To push toward growth and advance in life. In the prehistoric days if everyone was happy hunting animals with sticks and sleeping under trees and caves, we wouldn’t have the world we have today. It’s due to this instinctive drive to want what we don’t already have – to strive for more – that makes this trick so powerful and very effective.
So how does this work?
Well, if you think about it, the main reason your ex is rejecting you is because they KNOW you want them more than they want you. If that wasn’t the case, this would be a mutual split and you wouldn’t be reading this article.
The trick is to make your ex THINK you don’t want them anymore and in fact, you’re happily moving on and pursuing other potential interests.
This is really damaging on a lot of levels:
- Your ex won’t understand why suddenly you don’t want them anymore (what has changed?)
- Your ex will be curious to know how you could so quickly move on (when often they’re still struggling with the break up themselves)
- Your ex wants to know whether you’re seeing someone else and who they are and if you’re happy.
- Your ex will instinctively want to chase you because THEY are the ones who can’t have you anymore.
- Your ex will be quietly jealous that the situation has been reversed on them and you’re the happy one while they’re not.
Now, there’s going to be some BIG resistance on your part to do any of this because your brain NATURALLY wants to chase and show your ex you love them and care for them. If you haven’t figured it out yet, check out the 5 deadly mistakes you must never make list to see what I mean.
However, if you look at it from a strategic point of view, you’ll understand why this makes MORE sense to do.
The biggest obstacle to using this method is your mindset and actually making yourself believe that you ARE moving on and over the whole relationship. (The method is simple but it’s the simple things that are actually the hardest to do!)
So here’s what you’re going to do:
Step 1: Send your ex a handwritten letter (email is ok, but a letter is better)
Step 2: In the letter you want to say that you’ve finally accepted the break up, you’re moving on, getting your life back on track and have exciting things coming up. Make it sound like you’re happy but not over the top. The key to the letter is to keep it very short (less than a 100 words if possible), and end it on a CLIFF HANGER.
TV shows are great at providing cliff hangers at the end of each show. A cliff hanger is usually something that provokes curiosity and entices the audience to want to watch the next show. The job is the keep the STORY in the mind of the audience so they are on the edge of their seat wanting more. That’s when the show ends and you scream at the TV out of frustration.
This is the same emotion you want to evoke at the end of the letter.
“I’m really excited about the weekend and going out this Saturday with someone new. You know… never mind…
Call me if you want.”
This is an example of a cliff hanger. It’s not so over the top that isn’t not unbelievable but it creates a similar type of feeling because you’re hinting you’re going out with someone new, and your ex will be wondering who this person is. It could be a friend but they will jump to conclusions and think it’s a new guy or girl you’re dating. That’s what you WANT them to think.
The ‘Call me’ part at the end is absolutely crucial because you need to tell your ex what you want them to do. If you don’t, they will not call or do anything. Don’t drop the ball by leaving this out! At the same time you don’t want to sound desperate or wishy washy, so the state of Call me needs to strong and clear. For example, don’t do this: “I’m free whenever you feel like talking, I’m here for you.” That sounds too desperate.
That’s about it!
Don’t go over the top. Send the letter and wait for their call. If they don’t call you, send an “accidental” text message saying “I’ll see you tomorrow.” then say “oops” afterward to your ex. The other important thing to note is the power of No Contact.
After you send the letter, if you stick to No Contact, the pure fact that there is no communication will make your ex think all kinds of crazy thoughts about you. This is how you reverse the effect of being the one chasing your ex to having your ex chase you like crazy.
WARNING!
Now, clearly this is only the START of getting an ex girlfriend or boyfriend to chase, it doesn’t stop here. And often you need to maintain the momentum of “the chase” so your ex is always the one chasing until they are the one begging you back into the relationship. The complete strategy is given in detail in this system The Ex Recovery System, which you can learn more about on the next page.
Click Here For All The Psychological Tactics to Get Your Ex Begging You Back
(Once again, remember to use this tactic with caution and be careful that once your ex DOES call you need to have a set plan in place or else you may end up going backwards again. Head to the link above to get the full scoop.)
Can You Get Your Ex Back? Take This 6 Question Quiz & Find Out!
{ 301 comments… read them below or add one }
I have been tying all sorts of ways to get my ex back,the harder I’ve tried the further he has gone.
We do keep in contact but it has been a wishy washy type of freinship.But i do believe there are still feelings on his end otherwise he would have stoped contact by now.
I have just followe your advice and made up a ficticios guy.
So lets see where this goes and if he bites
did it work?
I’m very eager to do the step by step process but I’m so nervous.
Take it another step Sue… find a real guy. You don’t have to be anything but friends. Actually friends are a good thing too. Do things with someone or by yourself but get your mind off him and on you. Take that time you are wasting and spend it wisely. Take a class, join a sport, volunteer…..oh yes that is actually very fulfilling. It is supposed to be for the ppl you are helping lol but I think I always get more out of it. I am just saying that if your ex comes back that is great but if not then you are not letting life pass you by. Ok maybe this is not the best advise but I like to shop to make me feel better. Also new hair or my best friend the esthetician. She always has something to fight off the age demon. Ok I am done….stepping down off the soap box now. I wish you luck either way.
It does work. Sadly. Bc went I found a young gentle man that far surpassed my ex. Knoc Knock , theres my ex all ready to take me back. (AND HE HAD DUMPED ME. )out of the blew. by this point i didnt want to work it out with him. so i flat out asked. “why all the attention?” he kind of got quiet and said it was basically that i was happy and having fun and saw all the posted pics on fb of me just…livin it up.and it made him miss all the fun times. i briefly said. “oh…well…we’ll have fun again some time im sure. but i have to go.” oh and also he had met a younger thinner blonde girl than me. and he has still not let up in writing me and checking in. so. it works. be smart about it.
ashly hi
i’ve read every information and i tell you am now 100% set.
thanks so much.
I have been split with my ex for 3 months and she dumped me. Been together 5 years and really gutted. I have sent texts to meet for drink reply too busy.
Then asked to go drink over christmas no reply . Then i said be nice to meet for drink and clear the air as she says to her sister really hates me. I sent flowers to her sister on her 40th birthday which i thought was a nice thing to do. Really jealous and a control freak.
I have always been the one to chase when we have broken up but this time she has told sister def over for good. This saturday sister posted on facebook that the band leader age 25 has asked Hannah my ex 39 out for drink and that really hurt.
I unfortunately still have feelings for her and she knows how to keep me dangling whilst she dates other guys.
The point is is it too late to send this letter agreeing with break etc as she may simply laugh at this. Thanks
I feel for your situation. Mine and I have split for over 2 months. It’s her mother that is the interloper. My ex is as hard headed as me. We had a family life together.
I don’t know if I should wait longer for the no contact time. I still have family pictures of us. i was the photographer. She kept the video of us singing together.
Stay strong and start dating and woirk on yourself is what I am doing. Got my teeth cleaned, reorganized everything, resolving ex-wife issues, investing in promotion at work and as always loving my children the best I know how.
If drinking is a really big thing in your life with her remember that alcohol is a depressant. Physical activity will pump up your endorphins.
Make your choices good luck.
Evan
I think i love u….gonna try this wish me luck xx
All the best
I wrote the letter, at the advice of a friend I left out the call me part… I only told him to send me an email if wanted to contact me. Is it too late to fix this?
Sorry, but when you ask them to call you back or email ya back that means you still care and that gives them power. Write them a email saying you met some one else and thanks but no thanks, dont ever call or email again! And don’t finish the sentence, make it like this,” I made a mistake when I met you and now this week did meet someone new and he wants to get serious so I now agree with my break up with you. It’s the best happy thing that ever . . . . . ” Leave it like a cliff hanger and let them wonder what the last part of your words were? This will take up space in their heads.
Problem with that is… if (and when) they catch you out on this lie, the consequences are much worse. I’ve seen it happen and it typically never ends well. Once you go down the road of lying to try to win them back, then their trust in you will be forever gone! Trust is a hard thing to regain back once you lost it.
Hi My ex said he never loved me properly and is now with someone else! Do you think this will work? Its been 17 months – is it too late???
yes..
I’m in the same boat. My partner ended it 9 months ago and I have constantly been chasing him, ringing, texting and he has always said it’s over move on. I really love him and desperately want him back. I cannot move on. I think the constant texting, calling has pushed him further away. I’m just going to have to be strong and STOP all contact and see what happens. He has all the power in the relationship bcos he is so good at hiding his feelings so I don’t know what he is thinking. Do you think following this article will work?
leave that idiot n start a new life
Hi Kevin, I think it’s too late for the letter, just use facebook like she is – get some girl who looks good to msg *you* on FB – she’s being a little obvious, i think…as if some 25 y.o. really wnats to be with her?
Try the method above. It does work but you have to believe in it 100% and never give in and let the process work.
To Kevin, you sound a great guy and it’s a shame your ex and her sister are acting childish and winding you up. They know you will look on facebook – it is not true that the band leader has asked Hannah out for a drink – the message was put there on purpose for you to read. It does not show a good quality in a person that she is being unkind and is deliberately hurting you. A break up is a very painful thing and you should each show respect for each other and have consideration for each other’s feelings.
If you do still want Hannah then I don’t think you should send a letter or email or make any contact at all, making contact is showing interest. I think the most effective thing you can do is to suddenly stop all contact which will make her wonder what you are doing – she will believe that you must be interested in somebody else or even seeing somebody else and she will act on that. At the moment she is sat back and relaxed with a smile on her face knowing that you want her. If she is jolted into suddenly realising that she could risk losing you she will change her ways.
After a while she will send you a text – don’t reply to that first one, or if you desperately want to reply then just make it something simple, eg if she sends a text saying “hi, how are things going”, then just reply with something like “hi, I’m good ta” – don’t reply with a question because then she knows you want a reply which means you have asked her to continue the communication. If you reply as above it will worry and frustrate her – it will make her feel that you are getting on OK now without her, she may worry that you are seeing somebody else, it will make her feel that you are not excited that she contacted you and that you do not sound bothered about whether she sends another text.
It will be her who makes the next contact again so be strong and patient and don’t break the spell. It may be straight away or it may be some time later but she will contact you and she will have been thinking about you the whole time in between. Keep up the same thing and keep it cool – reply to her messages but don’t ask her any questions. Eventually she will ask to meet you – if she says something like “would you like to meet up for a drink on Friday”, reply by saying something like “I can’t make this Friday Hannah but the following Friday would be OK, let me know if that suits you”. Using her name ‘Hannah’ is very effective as it makes it sound formal and will make her feel that you are distant from her.
I hope all goes well for you Kevin, but you should also think to yourself whether she really is the girl for you – you sound like a good person, I feel that you deserve a good person.
Yea I think Julie is on the mark with everything she said.My ex broke up with me in April last year after 8 and 1/2 years together.
We have a 3 year old which we both love she is more confused than ever her new life is not going the way she planned and I am now realizing this was not the person for me. Her whole family especially, her mother has worked on destroying what we had and she let them. I know I can do better than that and I need to.
hi julie..can you help me.. we’ve been broke up for a 10 days now. i emailed her last tuesday, saying that “i was shocked about the break up & we’ll just talk about what is good for both of us when i got back there this dec. for now i’ll give your space & i’ll fix myself also.” she did not reply back. we are in a long distance relationship. should i email her again saying that i respect her decision? by the way, she did this to me 3 times already & i always beg for her.. i deleted my facebook & my mom will get my stuff from her house next week..
I was thinking of doing this, just for the sake of seeing my ex beg for me.. but I didnt.. because I dont want him back. I’ve suffered enough when we were together.. I’ll just keep this, for future reference..
it’s been 3 months that v plit.. and there is absolutely no contact from a month… people say that she’s dating someone who was her best friend when we were in a relation… and moreover, i feel even her friends encourage that and they don’t want to see us together… she doesn’t even have the time to think about me and me sending a letter would directly go into the trash bin without even reading it.. wat should i do?? thanks…
hey champ it’s hard to be on that spot i have just learnt my self my ex girl a week ago said she didn’t want any contact with me said she didn’t want us to ever be. i was stupid enough to chase after her for 3 days none stop but then i stopped and its been 3 days now she is starting to send me emails playing the mind game to see if i was going to say i miss you or i love you but not gonna happen i didn’t reply back. You have to play a game with girl’s now day’s they want your attention when they want it. And when you don’t give it to them they mind start going crazy like ours has been when we were chasing them.
just move on save your time save your life enjoy your freedom remember even if you get back together that so called best friend will always be part of life so if your not there for her he will be and she just gonna waste your time and cheat. Run run is what i say i started running around for 1 hours 30 mins a night when i run i think about running away from her and it helps me i get a good night sleep i wake up sore and i blame her for it
hey i was dumped 6 mths ago . so i moved out, been seeing each other for nealy 2 yrs. anyway 6 mths on, still sleep together and do alot of things together, says he loves me in his own way, next week we are going away and next mth. we love each others company, but he also likes his space, and his own company. he will do anything that i ask him but not the commitment bit. wish i could move on but i cant still love him. one minute he is so loving the next he is telling me that im kidding myself with him, whats that all about, says he cant live with me but cant live without me. thanks karen
Hi ashly!
i hope it’ll work… thanks!
My ex broke up with me back in november and I didn’t speak to him til Dec. I sent him a msge asking for my mp3 back,he said he’s busy and I said I’ll send someone over to get it,this obviously offended him cos he said what’s wrong wirh me getting it? I didn’t reply and left it at that,problem is..I don’t know his address to send the letter! What do I do? I was told not to do it on FB
so my girlfriend of 2yrs all the sudden breaks up with me saying this has been going on for about 6 months that she has been hurt and feeling like our relationship has gone down the drain we always fought over the dumbest things just nit picking at everything and i realized that and just want too make it work its hard too not make contact becuase i work with her so i am always seeing her she says she needs too figure out what she wants too do with her life and plan it out we still hug when one of use leaves work and hang out one time we held hands the entire time we hung out i dont know what that means
This is hard cause you have to cut off all the caring but problem is it could be bad ignoring them some people take you ignoring them as a sign its time to move on.So you have to becareful how you do it.
I love you. I sent him a text and he immediately texted me back. Ur amazing
I just have to say, totally awsome post! This method absolutely does work. Most people just have a rough time carrying it out because they are afraid of the result going the opposite way, but if they are brave enough to implement it, they will see won’t they? Again great post, thanks.
after two and 1/2 of our relationship final we brokeup
and it has been ten month since we brokeup.i real love her and am sure she does love me but she hide her feeling..she said already datting another guy en move on but she wants me 2 to stay like her friend and contact like friend because she doesn’t want me back and nothing good can make her come back to me coz she already move on but i refuse being her friend though we still communicating but every time we ended with urgument..i sent a text to want her to stop communicating with me but i feel guilt coz am the one who is source of problem and make her to dump me because of my misbehaviour….what should i do to make her love me again voz am tried ma best and am about to gvup cz nothing good i get inreturn…and now she support my decision of no contact hoping we can avoid fluent urgement.
Hi I have been having problem with my wife… Now it’s been almost 4 months…and it’s gone to divorce now… Well I admit was my fault aswell as I was bit possessive and I loose temper when she was angry at me..also she didn’t like me smoking and drinking which I did occasionally..which was always topic of dispute and she was the one to start… I always tried to explain but she didn’t understand me and always ask me to leave her which really hurts me… Why would I leave her? Now that she wants divorce… And we got long distance relationship… I have tried so much and problem is can’t go back to my homeland to see her aswell… So I was just going to give up on her as she did… But still I love her so much and I have realized all the mistake I have done… But she says it too late for that and she confidently says that it’s hard for her aswell that we are breaking up but it will b fine with time… I know she still care for me but now her family is also against me… She was about to come where I am now but her visa was rejected… I’m so fucked up since last three months…. Please give me some clue…
i have been struggling with my ex back with her ex but she still says she love me & misses me all the time. Recently i said some things that she exploded on me and says those things hurt & of coarse i said i’m sorry…but she said u say it ur sorry and do it again! but the things i’ve got upset about all over her ex and that i feel second choice! i am really sorry and i do love her very much! i tried this method once before kinda but the program i got it from was not that good!yes it did work but it didnt tell you how to follow it out now i’m afraid to try it again!! any ideas on how to do it a second time? i don’t want to lose her anymore!!
I sent the letter (via email) and he hasn’t replied! Its been two weeks,should I give up or is there still hope? X
Theres always hope its just how much your willing to put into it.
um question
i already did something like that before well i said i just wanted to say i think the break up was the best thing for us and now idk wht to do bc i would do anything to get my ex boyfriend back but was that a good thing that i said that… Help me!!!!!!!!!!!
it was 2 months ago when he finally said it’s over.. is their hope? and he’s dating with other woman.
Hi, I’ve got a rather confusing situation on my hands, could really do with some advice- I’m a 30 year old guy and in Sept 2009 I re-entered education in order to improve my situation and better myself. My girlfriend, who is 45, and I had been together for 7 years at this point (having known each other for 12 of those years) and were very much in love, we have a family (her children from a previous marriage) and everything had been great, she was my main inspiration in going back to college. As I started my degree, she seemed to loose interest in me and it was as though I slipped down a rank by becoming a student at this stage in my life. Cut a long story short, I felt as though I was placed further down in her list of priorities and as I struggled to get back to the top of this I met someone at college who played in the college band with me, this person gave me so much attention and compliments I developed feelings for her which scared the hell out of me. we exchanged emails but never did anything, I love and respect my girlfriend too much to ever cheat on her. I was terrified and confused, I have never and would never cheat on anyone, I am very moralistic and overly sensitive- I needed to get away and think- I moved my stuff out of her house and my girlfriend then checked my emails and found the communication and declaration of feelings between this girl and I. We split up as a result, this girl then made a play for me, I was still heavily in love with my girlfriend, this girl tried to kiss me, it felt awful, I felt sick, I pushed her away but the guilt was heavy in my heart and I knew I needed to get my girlfriend back.
A few months went by, my girlfriend and I ceased all communication. I felt terrible for hurting her so badly, this new girl was hounding me and trying to convince me I should be with her but I could not do that. xmas 2009 came, I told this girl to please leave me alone, I would always love my girlfriend and I needed to try and get her back… I had made a huge mistake- I fell for this girls attention, advances and attitude towards me nothing more, I did not find her physically attractive at all!
My girlfriend and I met on xmas day, we exchanged gifts and made love, it was incredible, I knew we had a chance and she was and is the one for me, know one can make me feel like she does! Then this girl sent an email to my girlfriend telling her I had been playing them both and that I didn’t deserve either of them, she had become jealous and determined to ruin my chances of re-establishing me and my girlfriends relationship. a month or so of silence went by and I decided to really try hard to reconnect with my ex, it worked and she started really trying hard, there was trust to earn back but I was so happy we were on our way back to strength.
At this time the girl tried to establish a friendship with me back at college and said she was fine now and had moved on, I saw this as a good sensible situation and ended up playing a few college gigs with her, then we started emailing each other again, This was possibly the biggest mistake of my life, Although absolutely nothing physical happened between us, some heavily emotionally charged emails were sent back and forth and I fell into the tangled situation of her advances, looking back it was clear she was trying to manipulate me, I still had that lingering, tangled emotional connection to her. My girlfriend would regularly verbally attack me for the mistake I had made at this time, this met with the continued and clever advances of the college girl made me confused all over again, except this time I was determined to fix everything and get my relationship properly back on track.
In march of 2010 I began to sether all ties with this girl, I stopped playing in the college band, and stopped emailing, she tried and tried and was pretty relentless in her pursuit of me. By May 2010 I had finally managed to get away from this girl entirely and by this time my relationship with my girlfriend was really starting to come back to strength, we were doing really well and i was relieved I had finally ended the confusion in my head and sorted the problems. I knew I had done wrong and I felt ashamed of continuing emotional contact with this girl but I now felt as though I had been taught a huge lesson and I also felt intense love for my girlfriend, unlike ever before and knew what was right for us both.
We attended her brothers wedding on may 15th and I was overcome with emotion, her family all welcomed me back (it was the first time in seeing them all since we had split up) with loving arms and I felt a new chapter had dawned, I broke down in tears, due to my being so close to loosing it all, these people meant the world to me and I loved my girlfriend more than I had ever before. Later that day I made a decision, I was going to propose to my girlfriend later this year.
July 15th, My girlfriend an I’s anniversary of when we got together, I did something stupid, I remembered it was the college girl’s birthday (only because It was on the same day, I had not seen her for a few months) I sent a birthday email, letting her know I was happy and that I hoped she was, we were never meant to be but I did have allot of feelings for her and she was a big part of my life… I wanted bygones to be bygones but I also felt a sense of guilt that I had maybe dragged her into my life as opposed to what really happened, either way I made it a very personal b’day message and figured that would be it forever more.
My girlfriend and I’s relationship went from strength to strength, we went on holiday, we fell deeply and passionately in love again over the summer, then came college time again- I saw this girl was back but did not speak with her, I told my girlfriend she was back, as I wanted to be as honest as possible about everything, I was not gonna let anything screw up our relationship now- like I said lesson learned! It became apparent this girl was hideously jealous of my girlfriend and I’s relationship and how I had got it all back to strength- she tried to cause some minor problems for me at college, turning people against me etc, it was immature and I rose above it. I did tell my girlfriend about it as It was the right thing I thought…
I WAS WRONG!
My girlfriend thought, as it was the year anniversary of all this happening in the first place that she should check my emails again as I had brought this girl up in conversation a few times recently. She thought maybe I still had feelings for the girl and that I had started communicating with her again, she couldn’t have been any further from the truth, I was planning at this stage to propose to her! I was so deeply in love with her, the college girl was now a faded memory of my life’s biggest mistake and nothing more. She meant nothing to me, I saw her in passing around the college and we just went about our own business, not even acknowledging one another! It had been 7-8 months since I had last spoke with her. I had complete clarity and was 100% into my newly recharged relationship.
My girlfriend typed in college girls name into the search bar of my emails and found all the communication from earlier in the year, including the anniversary/birthday message!
She confronted me about it, I said yes I had furthered communication up to a certain point, but had realized and stopped it, Since then we had built up a truly magnificent relationship and that was where we were at! I knew she was still building her trust in me from it all happening in the first place so I don’t blame her for checking my emails. I hate myself for what I did and I am so frustrated that I didn’t delete them all- I simply fell in love again with my girlfriend and since then did not look back and forgot they were still there!? I told my girlfriend the entire truth. because of the heavy emotionally content of these emails and the timing (we were getting back together at this point) my girl thought I had been having a full blown affair, she asked me if I had slept with this girl, which I hadn’t even come close to- I told her about the one kiss but she did not believe me that was the entire extent of what happened. She read some hideously deep emotional messages, I look back on that time as pure confusion and I knew I was doing wrong then, even though it was words I knew they were wrong.
I remember praying for clarity and soon enough I got it and things became crystal clear for me, that said, It doesn’t justify my actions, I am truly sorry from the depths of my soul for ruing what was a pure and special relationship.
So that brings us up to speed. She has kicked me out again, lost all trust again and won’t speak to me. It’s over been 2 months, I have tried everything this time, letters and emails explaining and apologizing, flowers, etc. I went over on boxing day and we exchanged xmas gifts- it had been a month, I told her everything and emphasized that we had already come through and weathered this storm, it was in the past, it was done and we had come back from it stronger. I then proposed to her, i didn’t expect an immediate answer but I felt it was the only way I could show her how I truly felt, I had been planning it for 6 months previous… she said no and I was crushed. I had asked her children for permission and they all agreed to it.
She then said to me she needed space and that she had to be selfish, she did not know how long it would take but she needed to think. I know she still loves me and I love her beyond measure, I have given her the space she has requested, it’s been almost impossible but there are signs that are keeping me going- she kept the engagement ring, she has not said were over yet and knowing her as I do, she would have said it by now rather than keep us dangling. Although her family and friends are not talking to me either I have communication with the children and this also gives me hope. I am now so lonely, I miss my family more than words can say. I miss my girl and think about her every second, she is never far from my thoughts and I have had a real hard time dealing with this. I’ve not been able to eat or sleep and have become ill, the doctor put me on anti depressants (which I threw away because I am stronger than that) My college work has suffered greatly and I have lost 3 stone in weight due it all.
I know it’s not about me and I take full responsibility for all my wrongdoing, I am aware our trust bond is heavily damaged and I know I have caused great pain. I know because I feel it too. I am however 100% committed to getting her back. I’m now trying to gain strength, make myself more appealing to her by doing the right thing. It’s this that i am struggling on though- just how much space do I need to give- It’s nearly been a quarter of a year!? I know I need to show her she can trust me and that she is my everything, this I am more than willing and able to do. I trust myself, I know my mistakes and I know why they happened, I know how precious love is and I know my relationship has a future. It’s just this next step that puzzles me… we are technically not yet split up, she is aware the answer lies in her hands, but she is reluctant to let me know.
The Psychological trigger technique will not work for me in my situation, she needs reassurance and signs of trust and honesty. What do i do????
I can tell by what you have written and the way you have written this that you are probably more complex than your current/ex/current/ex love girlfriend jealous lover / fiance.
Have some self respect — you can’t be living for her next step of jealous rage.
I would not recommend the psychological trigger method right now, because to me it would seem phoney and shallow (you have proposed and are already out and about? — if I did believe it I would think fine go right ahead because if I am that cheap to you get the hell away from me, if I did not believe it then it would deepen my distrust for you). The jealousy would just fan the fires of negative emotions and I believe that she would not believe you either way.
I do think she will come back to you.
First I would write her, her family and the children with an honest letter softly telling your side of the story. Tell everyone that this has been painful. Tell them right now you need time to work on yourself. After seven years I would recommend 40 days.
All your emotions will come up and you will need a way to channel those emotions — I don’t know if you write or paint or listen to music or read poetry or what but there are ways to continue to carry your thoughts and feelings for her into creative communication hold onto those communications. Find a way to work on yourself — isn’t there a way that you have been looking forward to spending your time that has been taken away from you because you have thrust your energy into her?
I warn you you will probably think of her everyday!!
But … consider this do you really want a woman who is so insecure that she cannot handle you continuing to be friendly with other woman? Do you get off having the power in her hands all the time? If you really want a marriage shouldn’t power be shared?
If you are close to her children do not forgot where they are at either but whatever you do don’t use them to find out what is going on with her. Send gifts when you think of them maybe once every 2 weeks. If you want to just send 1 a gift find a gift for all of them because the children might perceive that you love 1 more than the other.
Separate yourself tell her yuou need time. Tell her you will remain true to her. I would not tell her 40 days do not put a time length on it for her because you might change your mind and need 60 days.
Then if she does not communicate with you during 40 days you will have to go back. If she does pursue you then you will have choices to make.
When you finally have choices to make then you have a say on your own destiny a man needs a say in his destiny. If you let her treat you like a puppy dog your life in time will feel sad and in time you may not like your life. YOu are someone who needs an education if you want to further your family pursuits if she can’t handle that can you trust that she really wants to create a relationship together?
Marriage therapy during that time might help too if you can afford it. i love 3rd party professionals but choose carefully.
Be strong. Love yourself too.
By what you wrote sounds like you had a chance but trust isnt earn over night especially when the girl knows too much.She may very well never trust you again. sound like you hurt her bad. You can fix it try to be there for her as a friend but dont call it that.
To be honest I think you got everything you deserved. You played 2 women because of your own needy insecurities. There was NO reason to maintain contact with someone you knew full well had feelings for you except to have your ego stroked. You talk as if you all of your actions were aimed at supporting others and the reality is as your apologies recognise that really you breached your partners trust for very selfish reasons. You played with fire and quite rightly got burned. There are some relationships that when they end, thats where they need to stay, ended. No Contact. Permanently. You are surely deluding yourself yet again if you think you are still in a relationship with someone who has not spoken to you in over 2 months!!! My you seem not to learn your lessons……walk your talk then perhaps you may be able to build a stable, committed relationship rather that the drama ridden, deceitfulness that you have continued to perpetuate. Learn from your mistakes and please dont involve her family in your attempts to mend your broken heart. Get the support away from your ex and her family as its your problem and it sounds like there are much deeper issues that need to be addressed at the same time to afford you to be a trustworthy person. Good luck on your healing journey…..
My ex broke up with me. Said we should just be friends for now and told me it’s not completely over she needs space. But she calls me every day 10 times one day and a few text. I’m a lil confused by this. I refused to tell her I love her unless she tells me first. It took me a few days but I had agreed to just be friends. I don’t get why she wants space but calls every day and ask me to come over often. She did tell me about a dinner date coming up with a old friend that’s a Guy from her past.what can or should I do ?
I would say “Great idea its good that we see other people.” Get yourself a date for that night and then ask if she can come over so you can all eat together.
My bf of 2 years broke up with me a few days ago, i was deverstated! He said he had been thinking about wanting to be single for a while, and i feared the worst- i was correct he broke up with me a few days after the conversation. I just want to know how can we start talking again without it being awkward? and what do i say to get him to want me back. i’m so lost without him.
Ok also I have just sent the message. I really hope this works because I really thought my ex, Lucy, was the girl I was going to have a future with.
Before she cane along I was a bit of a rogue. Going out getting girls numbers for drinks and going from one meaningless relationship to the next. Lucy came along and changed it.
How I met Lucy was an interesting story. I used to work in a shop in a shopping mall and opposite this shop was a jewellers. I kept seeing this beautiful girl working in it. She caught my eye from day one. To get her attention I smiled and waved to her from my shop doorway. She did it back. This went on for about a month with no actual contact until it got closento Christmas. I wrote out a card for her that simply said; to the girl that smiles so politely back merry Christmas from Rob. She sent me one back a day later with her number in it. And the rest as they say is history.
Up till about a month and a half ago that is. She turned around to me one morning and said she didn’t feel the same for me anymore. We broke up. After we met up a few times. My emotions were running high but I kept them in check until it would come to say good bye n I would crumble and say something stupid like I want to kiss you. Well about a week ago insent her a text asking if she wanted to come to Dublin with me for a weekend. She didn’t. Lol. I have stopped contacting her now well apart from that message I just sent using the advice given.
She replied to it she replied to it just now simply saying: That’s good. I hope you have a good evening. xx
She doesn’t really send me texts with 2 x with is what I picked up on first but does she actually mean she what she has said?
Some advice would be much appreciated.
I did this today too. Made up a guy, but I was truthful on how I’m getting so many fantastic job opportunities now and I want to be a success and move on. I did say text me whenever if you want. He replie saying “nice one, let me know if you get one of these jobs”. Should I actually let him know?? Or if I do get the job I may move to London (that’s where he lives) and then after a month or two I’ll let him know. It’ll show that I didn’t go out my way to tell him. Oh and by the way wish me luck guys for this job! It will be a dream!!
My girlfriend broke up with saying that she still has feelings for someone else,we hang out everyday but the more we hang out the more I want her back,what do I do?
Stop hanging out with her go hang out with someone else. and be nice when you brush her off.And have a good time.
we broke up a week ago, i’m abroad until may. i took her for granted while i was abroad and didn’t care to make the relationship any good. when we were in the states we had the best relationship anyone could have asked for but while we were here we tried but never tried to make the relationship better. we would talk but we wouldn’t share our feelings. i wrote her a 7 page letter telling her all of the reasons why i understand. it was more for me to get over her but i’m thinking about sending it, she wants to be friends and spoke to me two days ago. she really cares still and is missing me but i’m far away and she says she wants her independence should i send her the letter or should i send the letter you suggested? i didn’t know any of the reasons why she broke up with me before she broke up with me but over the past couple of days i started writing them down and began to understand, i think she didn’t think i understood but showing this awareness and not making it too sappy is this a good way to get her back?
I was with my ex for 2 years in between that I dumped him, but then I got him back. In the last few months of our relationship I treated him like shit and broke his hear again, but he didn’t leave me. I started talking to other guys and he was so loyal he never spoke to a girl until I gave him my ”friends’ number!(I’m so stupid for doing that) and they started talking they eventually got closer and closer. So he dumped me and he got together with her and now she hates me. I really want my ex back but he has a girlfriend that he’s overly in love with and I broke his heart, he tells everyone what I did to him.. Is there any possibility I can get him bak??
hi im zarahi but im only 12 but my ex is 13 and we broke up 3 times the first time was because i was being jelous second time it was because of another girl and the third time was because he said he couldnt concentrate on me with his baseball games and stuff but he never asked me out again his sister told me that when we go to the fair together he is going to try to put his arm around me and see if i stilll like him but the thing is i dont know if i should play hard to get or just admitt that i am still in love with him
hard to get.
hahaha
I did a very bad thing to my ex boyfriend. I created a fake profile to talk to him and he found out. He was super angry and mad and didn’t want to be even friends. What should I do? Please help.
I’m so desperate and depressed. Never been like this before. And this guy is the one as I felt.
Please help me.
give him his space,and he’ll contact u when he feels u have a life of ur own and dont need him.Men r turned off by needy and clingy women.
goodluck:)
Hello Ashely Kay, I have been with my ex for 2 years. And we broke up last 3 weeks ago. I have tried this one but not e-mail/ letter cos I think this may let him think that I want too much attention from him. Therefore, I sent a real quick sms telling him “I think you’re right about the breakup and We do really need space. Amazingly, something good has happened for a reason. You know what?” but he didnt respond at all. But that night he added me up on messenger but reckon he was appearing offline. What do you think is this sign?Is he curious already and wants to know what I have been doin’ all this time? I havent contacted him for 2 weeks now since I know he needs space. Thanks in advance if you would answer.
I followed this request and it got me know where! I have been trying to get my ex wife back for one year now! She has given all the signs that this site talks about but still no getting back together!
Did you try No Contact?
Me and my ex were together for 4 years. we split up 7 months ago because i was confused witht he relationship and didnt understand the insecurities and haveing to be on my hip all the time. I loved her but was fighting myself to communicate and open up to her. We got back together a month and a half later after writing her a letter of how i felt. She said she never wants to be with anyone but me and wanted to be with me the rest of her life. We were back together for a month and a half and she told me she needed time to figure things and was thinking bout another guy. For the nest month we talked her and there. then the nest two months i backed off and while she was dating this other guy she would call or text me atleast 3 times a week bout how she was feeling but didnt know where she would end up. A month ago i deleted her on facebook because i couldnt handle the things she was posting and pictures of her with that guy. She got mad and called yelling bout it. Then a week later she got mad cause her sister told her that if she didnt know what she was gunna do she needed to stop playing mind games with me and she blew up at me again. I was very close to her family and they were calling me to see how i was doing. the last month i have not talked to her. For the last 3 months she would say many things that would be talking Bout US as she would say but yet didnt know what she wanted. I am very confused how it all just stops. I am sending her a letter like you say but i am wondering why it has all turned so fast. Any advice would be awesome
mine was a long distance relationshp for 1 and a half years. we broke
up 5 wks ago n i fought the breakup wit cals n constant chats. i
finally accepted it a wk later when he said he was sure that he wanted the breakup,that it was the right thing to do. i therefore wrote him a goodbye letter for closure, it was really long and nostalgic. i still want him back because i believe he
is the one. how do i go about it especially since i said goodbye and
told him we cant b friends until i am over him. urgently help me
before it is too late. i am in east Africa ,is there a book i can get here since i am unable to buy the ones online? i’d reallly like to have yours!!!!!!!!
i was in a 3 year relationship.. and we had had on and off’s but always short. he always had trouble trusting me, and i had trouble trusting him, in fact i could never trust him. if he went away with his family i would worry about “what if meets someone else” , ” what if he stops liking me since he’s over there” and we were arguing alot lately because i wanted to spend time with him, and he wrestles. he’s devoted to that sport. so he ended things by saying ” let’s take a break ” .. he tries to ignore me sometimes, then when he see’s me not caring, he tries talking to me. ugh.. i love him and i really do want him back. i’m trying this, WISH ME LUCK.
OK so I want to try this, but am a little skeptical. I guess I should tell you my situation first. Me and my ex got together about 2 years ago. She had just gotten through a divorce so I guess I was suppossed to be the rebound guy, but instead we got serious. After our first year together we were contemplating getting married and then she went to afghanistan. So while she was there I sent her moultiple packages, took care of her car, made sure she had an aparment ready for her when she got back, and we kept in contact. When she got back things have been different. She says that she hasn’t lived enough of her life and wants to be friends, but also doesn’t want to lose me forever. She is conctantly wanting to hang out and we have sex every now and then, but when she thinks we are getting too close she backs away again, but never for too long. Would this really work for me to keep her for good?
ashley, please help me
so its been 6 months scince he left, he just left said he needed space and all that stuff, later for me to find out he went round telling everyone that he told me he didnt love me, but he was telling me he loved me even on the day he broke up with me, my problem is, i tried no contact, it failed, we did eventually meet up, had an awesome day, and i felt like things were going to work, then he started to ignore me again, and i jsut went crazy, i text him saying i didnt get it and i dont understand why he did this, then he plain and simple jsut said, i dont think we should talk for a while, i got so upset i deleted his facebook from mine, and i now havent heard from him in atleast 1 month, i am so broken, i know this sounds crazy, but i know he is the one, i have known this guy scince i was 11 always had a thing for him and it finally got seriious 3 years ago, i cant just let him go now, he is and always will be all i ever want! i have tried the not talking to him, the going out and having fun, i am just all burnt out, do u really think i still have any hope? i am not one to ever be in denial, but this time i just dont believe that he means that he doesnt love me, i cant explain why
please help me?
i have a same case with u..i don’t know what to do when i broke up with him.i just know what should i do, like no contact, after i broke up for 3 months..now i don’t contact my ex. i don’t know it still work or not
It worked!
My ex broke up with me a few days ago. Two weeks after i forgave her for making out with another girl while drunk (and yes that bothers me). she said that she felt more like friends with benefits than a couple, and she still loves me but not in that way. she then went on to say that shes started to have feelings for another guy shes had classes with for a few years now. she double wammied me, but i still love her, and want her back. she goes to a private school, she’s so smart, while i go to a community college. at first i got emotional but i’ve smoothed things out these last few days, but i’m not sure where to go from her, i want her back i’ve had several gf’s but she’s been the best gf and the best influence in my life. how do i get her back? how do i get her to chase after me? plz help me ashley, i’m pretty desperate at thispoint
Hi my name is Dee me and my girlfriend broke up about a week ago.. We had a year together and she has a son who i love very much. We where like a family. I hate to lose her but she is so stubborn.. The reason we broke up is because she said i complian to much and a i did some bogus stuff mind u i didnt ever cheat on her. I did give her some space it feels like a considering we always use to text each other everyday. I know she is pissed at me i was wondering what should i do? I do love her very much also she says that she has mixed feelings for me. How can u have mixed feelings after a week of breaking up.. But before that week we broke she use to say i love u.. But i need help asap..!!!! I want her back i know i can do this.. Should i try the method above? Also i dont want to wait before its to late. Or another guy tries to approach her and take my spot.
You can try telling her how much you love her son and her. Try to stick around but most importantly don’t push her to go back with you too quickly its only going to make her run even faster. I just recently got out of a relationship, same situation as you. 4 years relationship broke up over something not relating to cheating. She said she didn’t love me anymore after 4 days of the break up. I chased and chased and she said i was pathetic/weak/blah blah blah. Anyways i then ignored her and she seems to be trying to contact me and at the moment I’m not sure what i should do but at least i can sense the fact that she’s missing me and wanting me back. It was the hardest thing to ignore her but i did it. Ignore but show her you still care maybe take awhile to respond to her text/call and dont be mean just act like you dont love her either. Women try to ask for break up because they are trying to look for more promises.
Hi I’ve recently broke up with my gf after 6 months and it must be said it came out of nowhere ,for instance the week before it happened she said I was special and 3 days before it happened said I was the only one she wanted to be with ! I’m lost and confused and I’ve cutting all contact and said she would have to contact me when she sees things or wants to make an effort to talk to me . Did I do the right thing and will she contact me ?
Hi, my name is Cynthia. Me and my boyfriend of 2 years broke up about a month ago. He says that he broke up with me because we fight too much and there was never a happy moment only sad times. I know we fought a lot but they were always little things, nothing serious. Well I’ve been trying this “No Contact” rule for a week and a half now. Out of that time he has contacted me about 3-4 times. He also talks to my sister a lot and has asks her how am I and where am I. We recently saw each other when he surprisingly asked to come over to my house. Well of course I accepted but I tried not to sound to eager. So he comes over and it was great. We talked about everything, laughed and he would tease me like old times. We decide to take a small walk to the park and we end up on the playground. I know it was childish but then again he asked me if we could go there. So we play around and he put his arm around me a couple of times. He would playfully touch me like he always used to. There were a couple of times when he would intentionally put himself in the position where we would be really close. He would pick me up and put me up close to his face. In one of these instances he squeezed me tight and I laughed and looked up at him and he started kissing me. I go with it even though i told myself it shouldn’t be happening. I pulled away after a second and said “Sorry”. It gets awkward and he says sorry too and we continue talking. Well once again he does the same thing, as he is laying down he grabs me and pushes me ON him. He starts trying to kiss me again and I once again go with it. I get off and he says “Sorry, I hate doing that.” We sit down to talk and he starts asking me “How have you been?” ,”How are you?”, “Are you okay with the breakup now?”,”What are you doing differently in your life?”, and “Are you seeing anyone?”. I answer all of his questions positively and with big smile on my face as if everything in the world is perfect. (OF COURSE IT’S NOT.) He mentions that he isn’t seeing anyone either and that he doesn’t want to have a girlfriend period. I listen to him intently and agree with what he says and stuff. So the topic turns over to our breakup. He starts to cry. I ask him what is wrong and he says nothing. I ask him again and he finally says that he is NOT over the breakup. I ask him why and he says “I don’t know, it has been a month and I can’t get the image of our breakup that night out of my head.” I tell him that he should because it was technically his idea to separate. He continues crying for a while and he says that he can’t just forget 2 years that we spent together. I immediately reply by saying that he has to because obviously those 2 years weren’t happy ones for him at all. It came out because I was very angry with everything he kept telling me. He looks at me all mean for a while and finally says “Okay. I then ask him if there is any chance that we might ever get back together and he said “I don’t know.” I ask him if he has any feelings for me and he says “I don’t know.” I am very confused once again with everything he said. I don’t understand him! One minute he is trying to kiss me the next he is saying that he doesn’t know if he has any feelings for me?! Through out all of this he tells me that he is so confused and he doesn’t know what he wants. This all happened Wednesday night and it is now Saturday. He hasn’t texted me or tried to contact me. I don’t know if I did wrong by telling him to move on with life. He agreed with me…So here’s the bad part. My Senior prom is coming up and guess who I’m going with. HIM. I don’t know what to do…should I keep the whole “friend” outlook for now and act like I am not interested in him anymore? Or should I take prom night as an opportunity to reconcile with him? Please someone help me…
is no contact still work if you have broke up for 3 months????i never met my ex again
i havent been with my girlfriend for months and i made terrible mistakes by saying i love her lots of times but i still belive that this will work the letter will blow her mind in want trust me coz i know her like the back of my hand because we were together for so long it will work im writing the letter now
Good luck!
My fiance and I split 3 months ago. She ended up with another guy and told me about it. I still don’t know why we split and we haven’t talked on the phone at all just text and email. She has sent texts previously asking what happened to us and then it ends in some lame excuse that makes no sense. I have been doing all of the psychological things up to this point and they have seemed to work sporatically but just generating texts and emails back and forth. A couple of weeks before memorial day we were playing all day texting back and forth. She had asked me a question which I delayed response to until that night and she told me not to call her because she was with the other guy. I said a couple of things and then apologized for intruding. The next night she texts and asks if I want to get together to talk. I said sure and asked what was on her mind. She freaked out a bit and said just to talk. I delayed my response again and then said sure. She blew it off for a week and did we did not communicate until memorial day weekend which our wedding day was to be the Saturday before. She sent me a text letting me know she knew what day it was and that she could never forget. I ignored it for a couple of days and sent her a message just saying something to the effect of hope you had a nice weekend and all is well. The following day she sends me a message indicating that she was thinking about me all weekend and thinks about me other times as well. I let her know that I was thinking about her too and asked if she wanted to get together. She jumped all over that and said yes but left the day and time at maybe this day or that day. Later in the week she sent me a text saying may Monday and I said sure just let me know what time she was available. The next night she tells me she’s sitting with a girlfriend chatting and asked again about Monday. I said okay but Sunday might be better. She committed to call me the next morning to let me know. She never called. I sent a txt and a couple of emails and then let her know that I couldn’t have her in my life if she was only going to think about herself. Meanwhile I also find out that she is active on a popular dating website. I have left it at that. I don’t know what the deal is and why she didn’t call. I may have put her in a box now is what I am worried about because I said I couldn’t have her bringing me down, always playing the field which is what she appears to be doing now, and just not being the person I knew. I have ceased communication at this point again.
Any suggestions for next steps. I am lost she tried twice to get together and then something must have happened. I have no idea what.
hey im not sure about my situation. had been with my ex for 2 years. i had lied and told her i cheated to see her reaction if she would still be here for me becasue she had cheated in the past. she kissed this kid 3 occasions and i told her i just made out with the girl. my ex was hurt but we were still together. we argued and i kept taking breaks with her. on the night of the last break she went out with friends from work, drank , and kissed another kid. she lied and told me she was taking people home. so the next day i kept askeing her what really happened and she told me that truth and told me she cant be with me anymore shes hurt that i tested our love and i should just leave her alone. i left her alone for 2 days she called me teling me she misses me and she loves me and i should pelase understand. then later that day hse though i was fucking other girls befcause she saw facebook pictures of me having a good time with my best friend. so then we agreed to worth things out. point blank she said she would call me in the morning and everynight adn text me during the day. she never follows up on it so i stoped talking to her for a few days. i think she tried to make me jelous by putting a new facebook picture adn posting a katy perry song about summer to get me more jelous. mind we are not friends on facebook anymore. so then i called her and said whats up. she asked why i called and i said to tell her sorry for the way i had been acting because i had not returned any of her calls. this was in the morning when i called and we talked a little and we both agreed we are going to work this out. she said she would call me that night when she got off work. i waited till one am and i left her a voicemail telling her that i cant put my best foot forward if shes not going to honer her commitment in calling me. i let her know that i dont think its ok for her to play with my feelings that way and i just let it be. not its 2pm the next day still no reply or anything from her or explaination. what should i do? should i continue no contact? what if she contacts me should i pick up or what should i say? because she tells my friends that i was perfect but right now i guess that she feels she has me in her hands so she can do whate4ver. im tired of the hot and cold and im tired of the shifting of power, times i have hte power times ishe has it . i want to be in permanent controll. somebody please help
There’s no way you will ever be fully in control. When you’re in a relationship, the power shifts from one person to the other.
Cool videos, great job.
Thanks!
So I broke up with my boyfriend 9 months ago we dated for almost fours, we are on talking turms, but he only talks to me when I txt him or call him how can I get him to call or txt me I put it out there I said maybe txt me tomorrow and he ignores it or txt to morrow somewhere around thoughs line. We have hung out had a great time he give me signs that he stll cares and stuff and he flirts a little, like ill ask to come over and his ok with it but he never ask for me to come over his self . but sometime he keeps his distance what should I do? I just don want to say or do something i regret because it took me forever to get him to talk to me.
Just sent this as an email instead of a letter. Does this really work? Should I expect results or the same silence it has been after doing this?
So i broke up with mine. Right now i am with the ‘no-contact’ rule, and still keeping the distance, but somehow along the line (just to drop an email to see how things [keeping at that acquaintance level]). When is a good time to do this?
My boyfriend and i broke up about two months ago and i did tell him I’m seeing someone new but he knows i don’t like him. I told him i still wanted to be friends with him so we’ve been texting but he’s been sending me rude texts accusing me of doing things he knows i would never do. He told a mutual friend of ours that our relationship wasn’t serious and that he never truly loved me but i don’t know if to believe him or not. We were together for three years. He swore he loved me and he was the one who came after me. We were planning on getting married as soon as we graduated from college and i don’t know what happened. I want him back. I begged him for the first couple of weeks then just gave up and decided to make him jealous instead. I’ve loved him since high school. I don’t want to lose him.
Well you should explain to him everything the truth and if he truly loves you and cares he will do anything for you. I was with the most amazing girl for two and half years. After two years i proposed to her knowing without her I couldn’t make it. She was the one. Well she left me one morning. Came back from my buddy’s where i used his computer to search for a job. That day she planned a great dinner for us because I worked the opposite shift of her she stopped cooking. So I was constantly complaining about it. Conviently I had made plan with a buddy and asked her to move it to the next night. Well after my buddy bailed I was at my other buddys sending resume’s to god knows how many potential employers. Came back at six in the morning and she said she couldn’t do it anymore…..I snapped because I for the past couple weeks actively seeked work and still was on my old work sleeping schedule. Saw her more but not enough. Being hurt and hard headed I left for a couple hours. Came home calmed down hoping to fix us. She actually had all her possesions even the bed moved out. She wanted to talk still. I was so angry that she actually moved out that fast and everything gone I didn’t truly say what I wanted to. She begged me crying to ask her to stay and with a straight bitter face told her no. She left just as upset as when her dad passed. I cried for an hour almost instantly once she closed the door. The point here is be honest and true and anything meant to be will be. I’ve been trying for months to get her back even after finding out she cheated almost a year into our relationship, planned her ex to come to the area a month before us splitting, and she decieved me and currently with a friend of mine from middle school who recently moved to the area again. The guy even told me he wasn’t trying to interfer with our rekindling of our relationship. I know it won’t work but there’s not a day I don’t think about her. Literally lost my job, apt, and fiancee in a week and half. Made me see what was truly important. Fuck money and making yourself looking good stick to your morals. If you try your best and they still shoot you down constantly they don’t deserve you. Take my experience and do what you can. At least you know you gave your best! Just don’t be to late. I hope everything goes well for you.
My Ex boyfriend dumped me two days ago, which was quite convenient as he was going on holiday a few days later for a month with his friends. We were together for a year and he knows that I love him.. He kept saying that he couldn’t do it anymore because he didn’t feel the same way and that things would be different if he loved me. He said that he didn’t want to be in a relationship but doesn’t mind seeing me and wants to keep in touch to check up on me sometimes to make sure that i’m okay….. this is the worst feeling in the world as I know I have never felt this way about anyone before. He asked me if he could call me before he went on holiday so we spoke and I stupidly asked him if he was sure about his decision and he said that he meant it and hasn’t changed his mind, I then said I just want you to be happy and he said you will soon be too, he then said that he would speak to me when he gets back from holiday. I then sent him a message later saying that I would never forget him and he replied with “me too”. ….. After reading this article I am going to follow the advice and hope that it will hopefully make him re-think his decision! Wish me luck, really don’t want to lose him.
My ex and I Hung out recently and I noticed and told her I knew she is unhappy with her boyfriend and she regrets leaving me. Been talking a little here and thee. However I didn’t get my hopes up and am realizing she isn’t what I remember as a person or that attraction. She is still beautiful but the spark is dying. Don’t read into it to much and have a little contact so he will be lost to how your doing. It’s been a hell of a year lost a good job, fiancee, apartment, truck, and now I’m headed to Wisconsin to my big brothers funeral. Just keep your head up don’t let him get the best of you truthfully he doesn’t deserve you neither does my ex. Unfortunately The heart wants what it wants. Sooner or later he will.see what he had.and lost. For.his sake hopefully its before you lose all feelings for him. It can and will be alright hope it works out you.
He wanted a break and I didn’t want to lose him. I’ve done the needy pathetic emailing on and off for nearly three weeks, is it too late to implement any of this ?
My husband ended it 9 months ago and I have constantly been chasing him, ringing, texting and he has always said it’s over and has asked me to move on. I really love him and desperately want him back. I cannot move on. As far as I believe, he is not seeing anyone. He hasn’t issued any divorce papers. He has only moved out and is living with relatives.
He takes my calls etc. But he keeps saying it’s over and he is not interested in me any more.
I tried the No contact thing for 2 months but he never called so I resumed texting, ringing everyday.
Now he has all the power in the relationship and he knows that I am not going anywhere as I’ve pleaded and begged him to come back. He is so good at hiding his feelings so I don’t know what he is thinking.
Is it really too late for me? If he really wanted to end it he would have issued divorce papers by now right? What can I do…
if you want someone to understand what you mean, ask me. It if the hardest thing one can ever across. You might spend months and months crying over memories.
read my question here: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Am5Dw_s_IZatMnQotWg3gk3sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20111023160413AALFL8D
the only way is to move on now, how? This is the question. Try to meet new guys, they wont be as you want for sure, but thats the only way. Spice up your self, get sexy and hot. If you don’t have a problem sleeping with guys, then do and try many till you feel satisfied.
Improving your self and filling your time is the only way to get over it. Time alone will make you get over. Try not to contact him again. YES i made desperate measures so I dont contact my ex. when ever you feel on the edge of contacting him again, call a close friend and invite her over. Make your self busy with every mean possible. Stay with friends, dont be alone. Don’t stay at night and sleep early. The night will make you think when its all quite,
wish you luck..
Hey my name is Justina & I’m 18 & my ex is 21.we have been broke up for alot a year now & only dated for like almost two months & we were sooooo perfect then he unexpectldly ended it! We remained friends & eventually mensaje friends with benefits. I had to leave for college which is 3 hours away. do you think we could ever get back together? I think he didnt want am relationship becuz he got out of a bad one with his ex the months before we started talking & they had been together for 4 years i think he didnt want top get hurt but idk??? HELP!!
no ofense but you’re an idiot. its not that he was afraid of being hurt its just that he wasnt interested in you. you were probably just his rebound girl and all he wanted was to screw you and you made it easy. my advise is to move on. your in college i’m sure you’ll find someone better suited. no girl deserves to be used an i’m afraid that thats what was happening with you. move on, you deserve better than him.
Husband left me and told me to move on yet hes trying to add me constantly through fake facebook fake accounts , I blocked him on his personal account, he even add my family why?
may be he still might miss you so he adds your family to hid is true feelings about you
can somebody help me.. we’ve been broke up for a 10 days now. i emailed her last tuesday, saying that “i was shocked about the break up & we’ll just talk about what is good for both of us when i got back there this dec. for now i’ll give your space & i’ll fix myself also.” she did not reply back. we are in a long distance relationship. should i email her again saying that i respect her decision? by the way, she did this to me 3 times already & i always beg for her..i also deleted my facebook & my mom will get my stuff back from her house next week..
Hey, my girlfriend of one year and two months broke up with me threeweeks ago. She was from moscow and I am from London so we had a long distance relationship. We saw each other quiet a lot and I went to Moscow three times, took her on holiday to Turkey in Feb and now recently she was living with me in London for a month and a half before going back to Moscow. During this time I also took her to Bali. We were very happy while she was in London and continued to talk per normal over blackberry messenger like we had been doing for most of the year. Two weeks went by while she was in Moscow and then all of a sudden she started getting cold and acting distant. I asked her three days later what was up and she said her feelings for me were not as strong as my feelings for her and she didn’t want to continue. I was shocked and called her and was quiet upset. However the next morning I asked her to chat via video skype like we had been doing pretty much in the past. I asked if she would reconsider her decision and she was crying a lot and said she doesn’t know how she feels. I was very calm and told her not to cry and that if anyone should be upset it should be me. I said I didn’t agree with her decision but would respect it.She knew I had an interview for an important job but she didn’t even text me to see how it was going.
I loved this girl and am heartbroken at how cold she can be. I txt her a few days back to see if she wanted to give it another go and said she was confused and didn’t want to think about it (txting her I know wasn’t a good idea) and she replied and she asked how my mum was (dad passed away in 2010) and then just went cold and the convo ended abruptly. I find this all strange as she was the one who used to instigate conversations about marriage and kids and how she would move to London next year once she finished her studies. Her two good friends are going out with english guys and are moving to london to be with them permanently and I am just gutted and in a very bad place now. My job is tough and I am getting on with it but have started drinking on the weekends quiet a lot. I spoke to her on skype like ten days ago, another stupid move on my part as I instigated it. She said she realises after not having spoken to me for sometime that she is happy like this with her family, friends and other stuff in moscow. She said she does miss our convos sometimes but thats it.
She seems so freaking cold she has just changed her pic on blackberry messenger to the one I took of her when we on holiday together in Bali on the beach. I don’t understand this and I am so gutted and hurt. She still has our pics on facebook and it says in a relationship but I just think she’s just got that up co sit doesn’t bother her. I have got so many memories in my flat and her being here and it makes me sick.
I would appreciate any advise. Many thanks
now i have tried every tatic there is to getting my ex back, now we still talk but it’s just a simple text concerned about what im doing…. but it short and then the convo ends!!! like i’ve done the no contact rule and followed what to say if he text but when i asked him if we could meet up i had something very exciting to tell him and would love to tell him in person, he replied that he had plans and that he was going hunting , that he wasn’t gonna put his life on hold for me!!! now that hurt pretty bad in fact i cried a lil bit.. so i replied i wasnt mad and that he has never put his life on hold for me ever and all i felt i was a rebound because he had just broken up with his GF 3 weeks prior to getting with me!!!! But however we was together 3 years ago and i hurt him pretty bad because i was scared of being hurt again, so i dunno i fell for him 3 years ago and i fell even harder this time around and he has said some pretty mean things to me and i still keep trying, my heart is so broken by all this and i really need some advice on getting him back and taking it back to the way things used to be!!!! it’s not the hurt of rejection i feel like i have lost my heart an soul he accepted me at all cost…. i dont want to get back with him for pay back i only want him…. please help if you can give me any advice it would be much appreciated thank you!!!
I’ve just broke up with my boyfriend.. Now it’s been a week .. He said that were good as a friend, but then he still contact me and asked me whether I’m good or not, what i’m doing.. and every after he finished his work from office, he will notice me… at the first place, i have begging for him to get back with me, but he said ” as a friend pliss ! ”.. I’m so fucked up.. then i changed my number, . i didnt contact him for 2 days, . then i bought new number, . he asked my new no from my housemate.. then we contact again.. but then i being cold to him . . and now he asked me if I’m free for a movie on saturday .. I didn’t confirm him yet,, but i want him back … what should I do… should say yes for the movie ??? or say ” maybe next time . ”
I’m so confused . I really want him back
my ex left me 4 days ago and i love him more then life … we have been on for 6 months then off for 3 months for about 2 years and its only because every 6months i come home and he is just gone … without a txt or note then i move on and he comes crawling back … each time he comes back our relationship is better … but this time he split up with me because “he loves me to much but i dont get along with his friends” and he said we should just be friends … he still txts me like an old mate and asks me if im going to places (even gives me a hug if i asked) what does this mean? is he keeping me hanging till he finds the right person or till he works out he’s made the right choice … will this method work in this situation because hes the kind of person that wants what he cant have but WONT ask or beg for it either… please please please help my lonely broken heart
I have been broken up with my girlfriend for 8 months now. When she broke up with me she said she still loved me but it wasn’t working (quite frankly i was a mess and she felt like she was mothering me). I have been aware of the no contact but have not yet been able to do it for longer then a week, i always seem to msg her something.
I know she has feelings for me still, i do find out things about her because we met through mutual friends. In the past when i have messaged her for us to catch up she would reply with ‘i dont think its a good idea’ saying she doesnt want to give me the wrong impression. I personally think she hides behind that because it puts her in a higher position, (i say this because we had broken up previously, she was saying the same thing, we eventually got back together and it surfaced she was telling her best friend she still loved me the whole time). Anyway recently I lied to her saying I was fine with us breaking up and wanted to catch up as friends, she said yes and so we did for a month. During this month we became intimate again and it was like the old days, but nothing was mentioned in regards to feelings because i was scared i would scare her off. The one thing she was saying was she was scared because she didnt want to become attatched to someone because she was planning on a long holiday (1 year overseas).
I didnt think she was going to do it. But one morning she rang me up saying she had booked her flights, she leaves in 3 months. I broke down confessed my love to her and said its too hard for me to see her, she replied with ‘ok’. So now its back to square one, I know she still really loves me, she leaves in 3 months what do I do? I would be willing to wait for her, but i don’t think that would be the smart thing to say…. Its a hard one because im on a time schedule. I would be so thankful for some advice
Go NC and regain your emotional control. You need to prepare yourself for the long year she’ll be away anyway. It’s better not to talk too much about it. Just be cool about it and excited for her. I’m sure she is excited.
Thanks, do you think I should just go no contact for a while before I send the letter, because Im thinking if I were to write the letter at this stage it may not seem believable as I have just stopped talking to her recently (telling her i still love her). maybe wait a few weeks and then send it, or maybe the letter wont work in this circumstance?
I broke up with my ex 6 months ago, i still love him very much. on saturday night i phoned him. he phoned back we chatted it felt very natural as if nothing had ever happened, i text him the next day to meet up he phoned me that night, said he had a new job and was nightshift so had been sleeping all day and was now going out to work. then he came off the fone, i text him to say would you like to meet up next sat – go a night out together? he never replied so tonight (tuesday) ive text him “i’m sorry that was silly of my and i was a little tipsy after sunday dinner. i’m happy we have both moved on and i feel now months on i’ve finally accepted the breakup and ive been getting on with my life and have a lot of good things happening so to go back in time wasn’t what i wanted but i do miss your company sometimes, anyway i’m pleased you have a new job and wish you all the best. xxx” wat do you think? epic fail???
Hi Lydia , that actually sounds like a very sweet text to me . I might have left out the xxx at the end , but its not that big of a deal . Nice text . I dont know how this guy feels about you , but I can say as a man , if my ex sent me that and I had any feeling of reconciling I would not be able to resist that . Hope it works out they way you wish . Cheers .
Okay so me and my ex have been broken up for about four months. And weve been off and on the past two years. Me being the one who broke up the two times we broke up. And he never gave up on being with being with me. He would do everything he could to spend time whenever he was in town. He is in the air force. And he just came in town about alittle over a month ago, and was trying to hang out with me like everyday. But I didn’t because I was just being a bitch. So then he goes back to his base and now all of a sudden he has a girlfriend, who by the way is not even that pretty, but he called me the other day after days of me asking him to, and he told me that when he was home he still wanted to be with me and I told him I still loved him. But he is choosing to be with her because she’s with him and he can see her everyday. Basically the only reason he won’t be with me again is because he can’t see me. And he’s afraid to let this girl go because she does make him happy, to be with me and me play a game with him again. But I made him so much happier than this girl. So idk what to do? And how to get him back? I need him in my life!
Hi Ashley, I bought your breakup guide books a couple of months ago. My ex left me in early january for another girl (we were together for five years). I let him go, then about a couple weeks later I started freaking out because I knew he was really leaving this time. We drifted apart the last couple of months, the relationship was long distance. Anyway I was extremely emotionally psychotic in my mind, trying to do everything to break them up.
I guess that made their relationship stronger, but he told me a couple months ago when we spoke for a few weeks she has trust issues. They broke up for a bit and he contacted me, telling me all the things he hates about her. I then proceeded to tell him to tell her what he told me about her being “spoiled, bitchy, clingy, ect” after they got back together, or i’d do it myself.
They eventually broke up again, he apologized for lying to me and for what happened in our relationship. The next day he did a 360 telling me we couldn’t talk anymore because i’d try to ruin their relationship. Which at the time was true. I’m stuck, I did no contact for 2 and a half months, broke it with the constructed ‘call me’ short letter. I got no response, and started to get mad after no response after a couple days.. so I kept writing about 5 texts and a facebook message :/, the last thing I said was “nevermind don’t call me, you’re obviously not over it” It just frustrates me, they’ve been together for ten months now and I feel like with every passing month he’s forgetting me. I don’t know if I should try in another couple of months, or text something else to say call me since I gave totally mixed messages. PLEASE HELP. Thank you. <3
I think you need to review the ERS. Nowhere in there does it talk about messing with your ex’s relationship in the hope that they will split up. Doing so… like you said will only make their relationship stronger. It also doesn’t talk about continuing to contact him after he stops contacting you. I know you want them to split up, but that decision has to come from him – not from you persuading him into it. If he and she even suspects that, then as soon as they realize it. They’ll get back together again and you’ll be shut out. The point is. It needs to be HIS idea to contact you and want to split up with her. He probably would have done that by himself already if you didn’t meddle too much into their relationship. Leave them alone. If you’re going to do anything, be supportive to him. Avoiding talking about her. And never ever badmouth her to him.
Okay, thanks
Dear Ashley,
My girlfriend broke up with me almost two months ago after a year and a half of officially being together. I know the reason that she left is because I had gotten really lazy and boring over the summer and the excitement in our relationship had fizzled. She started dating another guy almost immediately and has claimed that he played a big role in her decision to break up with me. We talked almost every day for about the first month and a half of the breakup and even hung out a handful of times. However, over the past two weeks she will not respond to me at all only saying that she feels that it’s better if we don’t talk and that it feels different with this new guy and that she’s happy. While I know I made many mistakes while talking to her by begging and pleading even after a month, I really hope that there’s some way to get her back. I sent her an email/Facebook message based on your simple psychological trigger and sent her a text the next day asking if she had gotten it because her email/Facebook messes up sometimes with messages and she replied “I got it. Haven’t had time to respond.” She has told one of our mutual friends that she misses me and has a hard time not talking to me but she feels like it’s what she needs to do, but I can’t help but feeling that she’s gone forever and that I have not only lost my girlfriend but also the best friend I’ve ever had. How should I proceed from here? Is she gone forever or do you think there’s still hope?
OK how long should the NO CONTACT go on? I sent the letter over a week ago and have not texted since. I sent an email accidentally a week ago but immediately stated it was an error-it really was. I have still not sent the accidental text…was going to wait a few weeks at least so it comes as a shock to hear from me.
The Facebook thing will not work in this case. He is not my fb friend and I cannot add him now, as things stand.
I am thinking the longer the no contact the better..
You have it right. Ideally you need to stay in No Contact until your ex contacts you. If you have sent the letter then you just need to be patient.
Hey, what if I broke up with my girlfriend or well no ex I guess? Anyways what if I was the who broke up with her and it was because she never told me why she never texted me back or like call me for 3days and I never knew why! She never told me why! All she told me was I broke her heart</3 , but how like I never did anything wrong I even checked to see if I said or did anything wrong but it was nothing I checked through my messages, Facebook, etc. And there was nothing I did wrong so like I'm freaking confused cause I don't even know what I did wrong:(. I really love her a lot I really I miss her, I care about her, and like she was apart of my life and yeah that might made me sound all upsets with her but you know what I mean! . I've tried my best to get her back , I've changed I guess I don't know what I was doing wrong but Ive changed, I've text her every single day and she never replys, I try to talk to her on Facebook by saying hey:) or goodmorning(: and She just removes my comments, like what's up with that? Like after the break up she said "I'm happy we still can be close friends:) " and I said " yeah:) Me too!:)" but like it doesn't even seem like were not even friends or close Friends, and I just Want to know is there anyway you know that is causing her to be like this just please I need to know for I can atleast know my mistakes and fix them:) thanks:)
I love my ex boyfriend so much and recently I found out I was pregnant and was too scared to tell him myself. We broke up not more than about 4 days ago but it hurts..I had my best friend tell him that I was pregnant and other friends acted on their own and talked to him about how much I miss him as well. After reading some of the stuff you wrote I decided to give it a try and stop talking to him but everyone wants me to let him know I still care. We haven’t talked in about 3-4 days but I did send him a text last night telling him I’m sorry for not replying and that my younger sister had my texts block but I never got a reply. He accepted my friend request on facebook today but still no text. One of my friends did tell me that he asked when was the last time they talked to me and told them that he wanted us to just be friends but I need him in my life..I don’t want to have this baby on my own. I know what it’s like to not have a father and I don’t want OUR baby to go through the same. I don’t know what to do. I have several break downs a day just when I think of him..and the other day his “best friend” came onto me and said that I kissed him after I told him countless times I was going through a bad break up. I want to tell my ex what happened but I’m scared he won’t even reply or turn the tables and take his friend’s side. We never had any problems during our relationship we just got into a bad argument..but I don’t know if we’re over or actually taking a break. I’m scared that he’s going to move on and leave me alone with our child..although he said so himself if I ever got pregnant he would man up and take care of the baby and myself. But I still don’t know what to do. I want to talk to him so badly it hurts. Help?
okayy i really need HELP and ADVICE!! soo i have been dating this one boy who is two years older than me since my freshman year in high school. We were together for three years just about and our anniversary is on christmas… and thats right around the cornor.. i don’t know what to do! he broke up with me on valentines day and we still talked a little after but when i asked if he would come back he would say no im done and get all mad.. but before when he would get mad it’s because he was hurt so this confuses me. then he was suppose to come with me to me prom as he promised but ended up texting me the day of and saying he couldn’t come due to financial issues, when later that night i ran into him with a girl younger than me.. and they were all over each other, this broke my heart in smaller pieces that it’s harder to pick up! and he had a hotel room with all his friends and i know i shouldn’t say this but i wish he could be with me.. i love him so much and what makes it harder to move on is that his friends are my friends and he WAS my bestfriend whom i would turn to for advice and help for EVERYTHING. now that i don’t have him im confused and don’t know who to turn to. my family loves him as well and they miss him but i know he still keeps in contact with them on facebook.. so getting back to my story after prom night i found out he was dating her but recently she had moved to the mainland so i heard. also i heard that they broke up but they are still good friends. i don’t wanna accept the fact that i wish that could be me or picture him with another girl. i miss him so much and i love him, when we were together we would write notes to each other and yes we would argue and have broken up over the stupidest things but we have always gotten back together. in the letters in would write “it may seem like im over it and perfectly fine on the outside but in the inside he is hurting” how do i know if thats what hes doing now??? i know he loved me and he showed it well.. we have been through many obstacles that many wouldn’t even face this young. and we had big plans for us.. i just would like to know what to do and if this would work.. please help me..
I feel as if my situation is a little different, we had only been dating for less than 2 months when he broke it off saying that he was not ready for commitment or a relationship even though he liked me a lot. He has not dated anyone else in about two years (since high school). I could feel things fading out a little towards the end, we were spending very little time together and I felt like I was being put on the back burner and was often initiating contact or if he was free to hang out. I dont know that the relationship was given much of a chance, as we did not spend a good enough amount of time together to really get to know each other on a deeper level and feel established. I just feel like if his mindset changed we could have a shot at something good, but too long a time with no contact would mean he moved on and if it is too soon he may not have had the chance to mature emotionally to the point where he wanted to start dating again and actually be willing to put the time in. should your same guidelines still apply? we also live in the same apt complex so chances of occasionally running into him are quite likely.
OMG this is exactly my case too. my ex and i met the first day of college (august) and spent literally every single day after we met together. he asked me out after a month and we were great for that month. after that, he began pulling away and got high a lot more often than he used to and broke up with me 4 days ago. His reasons were that he didnt like the commitment anymore and likes to do what he wants, when he wants and not have to worry about texting me or seeing what im doing. Especially because he knows i hate when he gets high, so i think he felt kinda tied down, although i never once asked him to stop and always let him be with friends when he wanted to. i made sure to never overcrowd him or try to control him at all and he admits i did absolutely nothing wrong and that is just him not being able to focus on anything for a long time. We are both only 19 and he is still very immature and selfish. I hope these tactics work for us!
Hi Ashley, I wrote the previous comment. The past couple days I’ve really been getting over my ex, I’m ready to start the whole single possibly dating process eventually . Out of the blue tonight my ex calls my phone while I’m out with friends, deleted him from my phone earlier that day but I knew it was his number. I answered, but the music was loud so I wasn’t sure if he said anything. Said hello about three times then he hung up. I texted him back saying “Why did you just call me? I’m done with you. Goodbye” 50 minutes later, he called again hanging up. I asked again why he was calling me, and he said “Don’t flatter yourself over a mistake. F*ck Off.” I thought it was pretty hostile… What does that even mean? I can see you making the mistake once, but twice within an hour just seems weird. Why does he even have my number still when he ignores me and acts like I don’t exist?? It’s just confusing me, I can’t sleep now because I keep wondering why… He treats me like dirt, and I know I deserve better. I’m just still deep down, hoping he’ll be the guy I loved for five years again one day, the one who used to love me too..Theres also the possibility he’ll never be who he used to be, and I’m accepting that. Please help me read into these weird mixed signals before I screw stuff up more lol. Thanks again!
Hi Ashley . Im 2 months into no contact , and I dis agree with writing her a letter . Would that not push me back to 1 day no contact ? Its been a rough go to get this far , I would really hate to go backwards here . Am I not saying more by no contact than I could ever state in a letter ? Not to mention the waiting for a response would be terrible for me . Also, after 2 months , has she not moved on ? I dont think she gives a hoot what Im up to or has any curiosity at all about me . If she had , would she not have contacted me ? PS I am the dumpee in the situation . I just cant imagine that she cares one iota . The ignoring me has been devestating . To offer an olive branch and be ignored again would be too much . I don’t want to put myself in that situation . And heres the icing on the cake : I would be there in a second if she requested it . How lame is that !! But I would .
Hello Ashley, I would like to benefit from your input concerning whether or not reclaiming my relationship is an impossibility, at this point.
We’ve been broken up for about three and a half months now, and we’ve had a very up and down relationship ever since. Throughout that time, I did the precise opposite of what I should have done by calling and texting her incessantly, harassing her with my emotional disclosure, projecting severe neediness and desperation, etc: I never gave her space, and I never gave her even a chance to miss me.
Finally, today, following a recent bout of bothering her to spend time together, she said she needed space and time away from our friendship, and as per usual, I hounded her with questions and desperate expressions of affection, which only angered her further. Eventually, she said she’s incredibly unattracted to me, that I’ve compromised my dignity, I’m not acting as the person she once desired, and I might be able to reverse my lack of appeal to her in a matter of years, at best.
Obviously, every set of circumstances is different, but in your view, is it too late to apply the time-tested techniques you outlined as a means of re-developing out relationship?
It’s working!:) I did what you told me to do Ive stop talking to her and acted if I moved on which I really didn’t, but I acted like it and now shes te texting me on the mornings(: and before nothing she never ever texted me back but now she is and thanks Ashely for making this awesome website!:)
Help! long story short…my boyfriend of 10 years ended things about 4 months ago…i know one of the reasons of the break- up had a lot to with lack of appreciation on my part…i did the whole begging crying calling texting the first month or so, he of course ignored me told me to move on etc…we never fully stopped all contact mostly because of me but in the last month it has been him contacting me of course i want him back so i was quick in responding & seeing him. i felt as though he was leading me on he was comfortable & quick in making moves that lead to sex, of course i take fault also because once again i was quick into thinking it would make things better again. a day later he told he didnt feel the same towards me that he tried to see if things would work but it was wasnt the same for him. he doesnt contact me & i dont contact him….its been a week since we last spoke how can i get him back????
I’m a week into No Contact after having “the Talk” with the guy I’d been dating for about 2 months. The talk consisted of me simply asking him where we stand and how we were going to progress – stay casual or open it up for something more – either of which I was fine with. Things had been really busy and stressful for both of us lately and we hadn’t seen a lot of each other. He freaked, said it was too much, he wasn’t sure , didn’t see it working (even though he was still interested), and “maybe” we should just be friends. There has been no “clear” break-up. I didn’t want to push him anymore because I know that just having that conversation has pushed him despite the fact that I hadn’t asked for a committment – just where he saw things. How long should I continue to wait for him to contact me (or to contact him) especially considering the “up in the air” nature of the relationship? Or should I just write him off? I’m not so invested yet that I’m devastated by this, but I also don’t want to ruin things if he’s just needing time to think – my intuition still tells me that this relationship could have potential if given the time to blossom.
Your situation sounds so similar to mine. I think the no “clear” break up makes it that much more difficult. I would say you’ve taken the right steps so far in not pushing him any more. I made the mistake of begging and pleading for 2 1/2 weeks. I’m now a month into this with no clear indication of how this will all turn out. I get the feeling that she already has an interest in someone new. Just devastating.
AHSLEY HELP ME WHAT DO I DO….I sent that letter but i think i forgot to put call me if you want at the end…..but I later on a few weeks later sent that accidental text message just like you said to do..So can it still work even though I forgot at least i think I forgot to put call me if you want in the letter…Ive been going out and doing things to try to forget and move on like u said I went to a concert to my favorite band for the time last night had a blast once they came on I dont even think I thought about her..
My best friend, which was also my fiance, left me almost 3 weeks ago. We didn’t have a perfect relationship, but I love him with all my heart and he always said he loved me, even the day he packed his stuff and left. He was sent out of town on a job assignment and I think he may have hooked back up with someone. I think between the change of scenery and the other woman, that’s why it was so easy for him to walk away. I have cried constantly since then. I have not contacted him, only because I don’t want to take a chance on his new woman being with him if I call and him trying to act like the “big man” in front of her and reject me again.
We were together 10 years and I thought I meant SOMETHING to him at least, but when he didn’t even bother calling or sending me a text message on my birthday 2 days ago, I’m wondering if there is any hope at all of his having a change of heart? I’m almost 50, too old to start over, and too hurt to want to even try.
I agree with the concept of no contact for some people, but in my situation, I believe “out of sight, out of mind”, may make the distance between us emotionally and mentally even greater. That the longer I don’t see or communicate with him, the easier it is for him to forget the good times and move on…? It just seems like he erased the past with me from his heart and mind and I no longer exist to him.
I feel for you. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I too am battling with the no contact and some contact fine line. I feel like we’re drifting further apart each day that goes by. This is just so devastating. I hope you find comfort soon and peace of mind. Hang in there.
i feel you girlfriend. although in my situation my ex considers me a “Friend” and calls me when he feels like it. UGh its awful. It’s like we need to get back together or leave me alone so i can move on.
I was with this girl for four years. We always spoke about the future, about college together, about marriage, kids etc… Last weekend, she went to a party, I started hearing rumors and freaked out. She was very upset with me, called me, told me it was over, and the same night hooked up with another guy. I called her the next day and she explained that she had been feeling stressed about the relationship. She felt we wouldn’t make it. That I didn’t trust her and I didn’t have my stuff together for college. She kept saying we probably won’t make it in to the same college and if we don’t trust each other, there’s no way it would work out. She said if she feels it’s going to end anyway, she didn’t want to stay together. But she also kept saying she didn’t know what she wanted, that we would make better friends. At first I pleaded. But after she told me she hooked up with a guy that night, I just got upset and hung up. We didn’t speak for two days until I texted her about her things that were at my house. She came by and got them, but I pretended as though I wasn’t home and my mother gave them to her for me, and later my mom told me she was upset. I’ve also been looking at her different social network pages, and I feel as though she is clearly trying to make me mad, or jealous. She never posts as often as she is now, and especially never posts the content that she does. She’s basically implying that she’s already having sex with someone else, and making posts about how she should come clean with the truth, hinting that she’s hiding something from me. I strongly feel she’s trying to provoke me, make me contact her about us. But I haven’t and it’s been about 5 days or so. It’s killing me though, the thought of her with someone else. I need help please. I want to know how long I should wait to send this email, and how long until I get a response. I also want her to see I’ve been getting my stuff together school-wise as I have been lately. She made me a list, maybe about 3 days before we broke up, a list of things I needed to do, what colleges to apply to and their requirements, etc.. I’ve been actively finishing it. How do I show her this? What do I do. She said she wants space, she wants to be alone, yet she makes posts obviously directed to me. It makes no sense. I’m trying so hard not to call her, and ask what the hell she means by all the things she’s posting, I’m trying so hard not to crawl back. How do I regain control. I used to have control, for about three years I did. But for the past year she’s had control of me, and I want to turn things around. I want her to want me again. I want to be with her, I love and care about her. Please Ashley, I need some guidance and help. I need to know how to fix this.
one setence for all of you – let it go. you won’t regret it.
My girlfriend of 4yrs broke up with me, I would say a month ago. Although, at the time she really wouldn’t call it a break up. I was devastated of course and made the common mistakes of doing the “not to do’s” (i.e. begging, crying, arguing, reasoning, etc). I did this for about 2 1/2 to 3 weeks with no results of course. I wish I had come along this site before making the “begging” mistake.
Because of my behavior, she’s now saying that we can’t be together for that very reason. Not until I get better. “Just get better”, is what she kept repeating. I’m not really sure how to interpret the “just get better” comment exactly. I mean I know what I need to do now, but is it too late? Have I pushed her away too far by my behavior?
Since our breakup, she’s been going out so much more. Anywhere from 2 to 4 nights a week. “With girlfriends”, as she calls it, however it’s always at the same nightclubs. Places where she knows a handful of the male staff/bartenders. I have a feeling that she has developed an interest for one of these bartenders because I know she talks quite a bit to him while she’s there, and I’m just crushed of the thought of her being with someone else. Could she be at a stage of evaluating a new relationship? A rebound?
I would categorize our contact now as limited, although there are consecutive days sometimes where we text message back and forth. I’ve just recently stopped the “begging” phase and for the most part I try to be brief with the messages, almost cold, whenever we do text message. We don’t talk at all, just text messages. I’d like to try the no contact route, although I know there’s a fine line between no contact and some contact depending on the person. Knowing her, I think she would interpret no contact as I don’t care anymore and she would probably just be pushed further away and just go about moving on. I should add that she’s very attractive and definitely doesn’t have a shortage of admirers. So I’m a little reluctant to go no contact completely. What should I do? I’m just a little confused on how much I need to do in order for her to see that I am getting better. I feel like time is so critical right now as I’m trying to prevent any new relationship she may be contemplating from gaining any momentum. Perhaps that’s out of my control since she’s always at the nightclub every weekend.
I’m just lost….Need help.
That’s what like is happening to me I mean I’m talking to her right now and she still wants to b friends and she said mayb in the future we will again well she’s dating one of my good friends!!!!
So, I told my ex not to contact me for atleast 4 months because we kept in touch for about 6 months after break-up and I felt like I can’t be friends with him and did’nt want to just start ignoring so ….did I mess up?
What’s the situation? Are you trying to get back together with him? Did he contact you?
I broke up with this girl back in elementary school, and than we Met back at the same high school and start dating at our senior year, i stood her up at prom night and when out with her friend instead of her. After graduation she find out that i cheated on her and we broke up. Now it has been almost 6 years that we haven’t spoke, should i date her again? Because she looks ten times better than she looked back in high school, but since i breaked her heart 6 years ago i don’t think she will truest me again. She is a premed student now and i am a civic engineer.
Have you spoken to her recently? How do you know that she would even consider being back with you again? Sounds like you hurt her pretty bad.
Something must have worked because me and my boyfriend are back together now. (The day after I sent the first comment to be exact)
We even met up yesterday and hung out with his friend. I wasn’t expecting his friend to step up and tell him he needed to treat me right. He told him how much of a good girlfriend I am and told him how much I care and still love him..Something must have triggered in my boyfriend’s head because he’s texting me non-stop, telling me he loves me, trying to see me everyday and is even trying to buy me a new ring. (The old one was getting old and his friend pointed that out too.) I feel like..I have my boyfriend back. When we had to go home he didn’t even want to let go of me. I don’t know what happened but he changed. I think it’s because I’ve been doing what you told me Ashley and because he sees how good and loyal of a girlfriend I am. Praying to god I see him tomorrow. Thank you, Ashley!
Hi I’m gabe, I hav a rather confusing situation with my ex-girlfriend. We went out then broke up and then went out again, I have no clue why she broke up with me and neither do her friends she says it was because it was because she was scared. So I tried to fix it and ended up making it worse. I was at a party with her and after I left my friend jokingly sent me a txt that said he just made out with her and I still like her and I dont take jokes easily, so I didn’t know and I blew it out and now she hates me cuz I said some stuff that I prob shouldn’t hav said to her and I do want her back but it feels like I can’t go on anymore I try to do stuff that I’m usually rlly good at and then I start to think about her and I hit the upper 90 ( top corner ) of the soccer net every time. It just freaks me out cuz i can’t hit those if I tried so as of now I’m lost and I hav no clue what to do next, I tried talking to her but she likes other guys so I rlly don’t know what to do next, I can’t get her off my mind.
Liking other people is normal — being interested in other people when your not married. The question is does she still like you and after no contact will she talk with you. Can you be friends and do what normall friends do. I can tell you are young. Are their things you can do to improve yourselfand make you more attractive to lots of girls?
Yea thanx for that but like I tried talking to her and it just lead to me being mad at her because she liked my bestfriend the entire relationship so now they r close to going out I’m mostly over her but I still like her and she’s pissed at me cuz of stuff I said to her
Hey i was wondering if this letter thing will still work for me because ive already called her saying that im sorry for the way i acted right after the break up and that i respect her need for space so ill give it to her. I also told her that i wasnt ready to move on yet, but still ill give her space and ended with if you ever need anyone to talk to, you can talk to me. now that i think about it, i think it was a mistake to say all of that :/
so please if you can, if ANYONE can, please help me out here, should i write the letter? or is it too late?
Hi Ashley
I am a little desperate, too., and your videos has helped me so much to think clear! My boyfriend of 4 years (he is 30, I’m 26) broke up with me a week ago. It was something really sudden, the night before we were together, totally in love, planning our trip during Christmas holidays.
He told me he loves me and he is still in love with me and this doesn’t have to do with me. He just wants to be alone, he was in a relationship the last 4 years and he wants to be alone now and think about his work and what to do in the future. I asked him if its just a period that he wants to be alone and relax or a decision that could be changed since he made it so quickly and said he was thinking of it for a while. But everything was the same and perfect for me! I never pushed him or stressed him for anything.
He actually said that he wants to be alone and miserable and think about his job and everything he is not satisfied in his life with, like that he still lives with his parents. Being with me made him happy and distracted him from the problems he had to solve.
He cares about me and wants to have a contact. His birthday is in two weeks and he told me he’d like to hear from me.
It’s been 7 days after the break up,I haven’t done any of the mistakes you have mentioned on videos etc, I had no contact, during the break up I acted rationally and seem like accepting his desicion. Do you thinh there’s any chance? Should I contact him for the first time in 15 days in his birthday like he said? I am afraid it is too long, I was thinking of contact him in a week, 2 weeks total of NC, and make a second contact in his birthday
Thank you
please help me. I just found out last week my ex of 7 years was seeing the guy that she left me for 5 years ago. She dated him 3 times within 6 months of 2006 and mid february of 2007. She left me on a summer 5 years ago for him and we ended up cheating on him the whole month they were going out. That was all of July. Then he left my ex and I find out a month later they were seeing each other again. Well I tell my ex this time why she played on both of us again and that I was done with her so she leaves the guy ONCE again to be with me. We were so happy until New Years I confessed I cheated on her first only once and she go so mad she kicked me out her dorm and ONCE again she looked for the guy and they start dating again from january of 2007, all the way to Valentines day.
so they only lasted a month and a half but ONCE again during that time they were bf/gf, me and her were still seeing each other until she finally let him go cuz she ONCE again realized she wanted to be with me. Well after that the guy called me and told me he thought my ex was a monster n that he was really hurt she played with him 3 times and he told me that for people like her, love doesn’t exist and that I was the stupidest guy for keeping her after what she did with both of us. The only difference is, I knew about him and he thought my ex was DONE with me everytime but it wasn’t like that.
well from 2007 all the way to know we arguedddddddd so much but for some reason we were always there next to each other. I got her a cellphone under my plan 3 years ago so I was paying for her phone and since she is poor, I also let her take my car to her school and bougt her everything. I’m not rich, but I really gave it all out for her and she was always there with me so I didn’t mind and saw her as more than a GF to me. Well I have treated her really bad before and still was with my jealousy that it would get really bad. I was too jealous of her cuz she is gorgeous and she’s popular and guys always want her so I was way too over protective but I was not healthy about it. I took her for granted all these years :’(
Well after so many fights and arguments she was still by my side. I always bought her food, and let her borow my car for school and paid of her phone, always and pretty much she was 100% Dependent on me. I guess I felt I had a lot of control over her so I stopped being romantic. I just gave her all presents but was never sweet about it. Well I just found the guy we cheated on 3 times before is seeing her again.
it seems like for 2 months they accidentally bumped into each other n they took it from there but she never told me she was getting to know him, AGAIN!!!! After 5 years, they accidentally meet, wow. Him again. She’s had handsome well dependent guys after her the whole time and she always rejected them for me and here is this JOKE again trying to win her heart. I texted the guy last weekend and got really furious and even threaten him to kick his ass and I even confronted my EX about it and all she said was that she really LIKES him and wants 2b with him. Wowowow. He really took her back after what SHE did to him?!?!? Well surprisingly they both put a restraining order on me 9 days ago and my ex told me to get away from her and leave her alone and that I could cancel her line n that it was best to let her go forever now.
I was really shocked she put a restraining order on me as well as her new BF. So just 5 days ago(3 days after she left me) she called me from the cellphone I was paying for and she said she wants me to change and date another girl and that she wants to be happy with that SAME guy again and that this time she wasn’t going to HURT him and that he forced her to go to the police station. Well I tell her I LOVE her and said sorry for taking you for granted. I told her I was gonna change and be who I was before with her but my ex said no more and that she only wanted to see me as a friend and no more in the future. She told me to BLOCK her line??? Instead of cancel?? I don’t know why but she said that she wanted to know him this time and that in order for that to happen was if I wasn’t in the PICTURE anymore for now.
she did tell me that she will never see me as more than a friend in her life no matter how much I want her back or prove the change. She just told me to date for now and to get better with my temper and jealousy. I had bought a pair of tickets to a concert schedule for DECEMBER 11_ 2011 and I told her if I should throw the tickets away n she said I DON’t know, that maybe she could go but she wasn’t sure as of now n to give her time and that it was a possibility for us to go in more than a month to the concert that we both badly wanted to go to. But she didn’t promise me anything cuz she said her BF wants to trust her now and that he really wanst someting serious with her. I’m 26. She’s 25 and her bf is 23. She told me she only wanst friends in me bit that for now it’s best to HEAL by not talking and that she was gonna look for me and wanted to see a changed man in me. Why???? How can that guy ever be happy with her after what she did to him? Is he just a rebound again? I was just surprised she said to BLOK her line for now but not CANCEL it..why? In case it doesn’t work out with her new bf? So after the call, I blocked her cellphone from being used so I did not cancel the line yet.
it’s killing me inside that she’s with him now n there’s nothing I can do about this time since she needs SPACE so that he can TRUST her now. I’m just too hopeful she will look for me for the day of the concert so it’s hurting me. I’m still surprised her and that guy are together again. I don’t really know why the guy took her serious. Well it’s been 5 days without contacting her. I’m being a man of my word now. So if by DECEMBER 11 she doesn’t contact me, I’m cancelling her line n I’m gonna move on with my life. I would love for her to contact me and to drive her BF crazy again if I pretend to be her friend. Will I hurt myself? Will he get PARANOID? I don’t really know what I want anymore. I’m just hurt and still SHOCKED. What do I do? It’s been 5 days and yes I’ve cried so much cuz now I know what I had n I regret taking her for granted :’(
should I date other girls? Go to ounseling so she sees the change? She’s prob not gonna look for me anymore. During this time I’m not talking to her she’s gonna fall in love with that guy and she will already be done with me. I’m really scared :’( what do you guys think? Let her go forever? She was my best friend, my 1st, my soulmate so yeah, it hurts to be lonely right now and to think that he is being intimate with her instead of me. Please tell me ur thoughts. If she doesn’t call by the day of concert should I give up for when she really contacts me?
Hey RH, well from the sounds of it… Not to be rude. Sounds she took you for granted. Perhaps you got mad because you were always paying her way through life ?? Her looks she thinks that can get her things. Been there. Also that guy your saying how can he trust her for what she has done to him. ? How can you trust her if she decided to come back to you?! I can give advice but not take my own sadly. Also I think you should date and CUT her phone off and get a new look go hard at the gym lift those weights. Us girls like buff men. If she sees your happy and moved on she will come running back. By then you won’t want her due to all the shit sorry for swearing! Due for all the crap she has done. And by you buying all of that was nice but can’t buy love. Also that guy will prob dump her also for what she has done to both of you. I would send her and that guy both MSG and say best of luck you have moved on and have plans with a new friend. Say hope you two are happy together haha. Ya dude you deserve a woman that will treat you right and stay faithful. We all get angry and have tempers but that’s why they say some people bring out the worse in us right?? Be strong you can move on. She clearly does not know what she wants she can’t have both of you
my ex broke up w. me 3 days ago ive been calling texting shes been ignoring me she say im rude soo she said she need time to her self but i keep telling her ill change irdk what to do i kinda have tried to say ared im moving on she would be like okay it dont seem like she’s mad but she claims she loves me and still got feelins but starting tomarrow ima try this method and see how it goes i just miss her soo much =( ive bee crying 2 days str8
Just been reading thru many many of these messages, and I just feel even more bewildered with how emotions and people behave, and in a sad way
Im 40+, had 1 messed up 2 week farce of a relationship, then 3 years of game-playing as she played me all that time, and to escape, i allowed myself into another one – and she moved in after 2 months.
After 2 years together in a nitemare relationship of silence and weirdness, we now just txt each day, its a trial separation for a few weeks, but im too soft, and cant face letting her know to go and find a man who really can care as.
I cannot bare to hurt a person more than 100% unavoidable. And im making every day worse. What a mess. I have to admit, the guide here does work, and i did have my 1st ex running back, but always bouncing away again as soon as she thought contact was made properly again. How do you live in relationships, when all you want is to help others, and be alone more than in company?
Sorry for typing and ranting. Good luck to us all in these things, thank you for the guide X
Me and my ex have been together for 6yrs the first 2.5 was the best. We have been back and forth together because of some mistakes we have made. A month ago o asked for a break so we both can figure what we want out of our relationship. But three weeks ago she meet a guy and now doesn’t want me. She has not mentioned me to him and things between them have been getting serious. I love but don’t know if I’m to late.
Me and my ex have been together for 6yrs the first 2.5 was the best. We have been back and forth together because of some mistakes we have made. A month ago I asked for a break so we both can figure what we want out of our relationship. But three weeks ago she meet a guy and now doesn’t want me. She has not mentioned me to him and things between them have been getting serious. I love her but don’t know if I’m to late.
Hi ,
I am Neha here, I want to talk about how to get my ex back.
I was in a relationship with him since last 3 yrs. We liked and love each other a lot. He was very possessive for me and cares a lot for me. His family don’t likes me, and were planing for marrying by end of this year. We had a fight last to last month for a very stupid reason. he create an issue out of that n stopped talk to me, he stopped calling me. even I was angry so even I didnt call him for 2 weeks. N after that I got insured and start calling him and messaging him. but he replied me that he don’t want things back now. Since then I am calling him crying n messaging him but he is not responding and saying I don’t want this relation. Then I read an article to get ur ex back stop callg him or messaging him. I done that for a week. But Recently I come to know that he is trying for other girls might be he is in a relation with someone. Please help me out tell me wat should I do. I can’t live without him…. Please Please Please help me out urgently I really love him but he dont any more… I don’t understand how could a man who is loves me so much can leave me like this and is not caring abt me…
Please reply me ASAP. Please help me
Thanks
I have been with my gf for 2 years. For the last 3 months she has been talking about leaving me and has been trying to but I beg her to stay and she feels bad and stays. Her reasons for wanting to leave me are that she can’t forgive me for why I have done to her. I have done stupid stuff but it was so long ago. I have changed and learned my lesson but she refuses to give me a second chance at her heart. We do get the odd times where she kinda forgets all the shot I’ve done and then we are happy but then she will wake up some mornings and just want to leave me. If your wondering what I did to her well what really has scarred her is:
- I left my previous gf for her and me and my previous gf would text behind her back for months after I left her. Whenever me and my gf would fight I would say something stupid like oh we’ll my previous gf wouldn’t of done that to me!
This had led her to hate me and she is very insecure today about my previous gf.
- another big screw up was that me and my gf broke up 3 months into our relationship and I went to a bar that night and met a girl . She texted me for a week after that even though I got back with my gf I still texted her. Then, when I was back with my gf I still went to the other girls house. I didn’t do anything with her but I still went over behind my gfs back. She found out a year later. Now she doesn’t trust me at all!
I have changed and I am very different. She wants to leave cause she can’t forgive me but I can’t live without her . I only wanted to be with her and have a family with her. She is my motivation in life. I can’t even think about another guy holding her it drives me crazy. What do I do??!!!!
Ps: I was always the dependent one in our relationship. I always ran after her, I was always the one to say I love u first or kiss her first.
The best thing for you to do is approach her and say the following…
Listen, I love you very much, and I know I have done wrong in the past, and that has greatly affected our relationship, and I have become a different man since then. However, I see it in your heart that you still cannot trust me, and for that I am sorry. Because of this, I think we should part ways for awhile, give each other space, to really evaluate how we feel.
Essentially break up with her, and don’t contact her at all. She will contact you I promise.
I’m not sure this worked. I sent him a txt saying this and he replied back, ‘agreed’. We’ve always been in an up and down relationship. Breaking up and getting back together. I love him, a lot. He’s a real stubborn man, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he sent this just to get a rise out of me.
What do you make of it?
my girl broke up due to me lying to her..which was long ago and it got revealed now..she left me on oct15th…i pleaded like hell cried said sorry so many times but didnt work…now she talks to me after pleading and crying for her and by showing that i really cant live without her..she talks to me but just for the sake of..if i talk about our past or anything she just stops talking…i have been crying like hell to get her back,,because i really love her like crazy…please help me getting my love back.
Stop talking to her. Don’t text, e-mail etc. Hit the gym, start running, pickup a new hobby, meet new girls.
my girlfren broke up with me for threatening, it’s only 2 month and i love her a lot what can i do to get her back?
My gf dropped a “i need a break from the relationship” last friday (it is currently tuesday) after 4 months because im “too full on”. I realise its because ive been too submissive and havent been taking a dominant role in the relationship (she likes this). she started pushing me away when she caught on to my insecurities which gradually came through and i tried to pull her back in the instinctive way (which is the most common mistake) which has been whats caused the break i now realise.
geographically we live 100km apart (its australia, and of all places north queensland dont be suprised) and in separate towns. we seldom see each other, however the few times we do are absolutely fucking amazing (excuse the french) cause we become extremely intimate and we connect and laugh with each other really hard and have the best time (even though by the end i get DSB and limp back to mums car holding my crotch, espesially if we (my gf and i) get intimate)
i called her today (before reading this unfortunately) asking her to clarify the situation. we have agreed its a BREAK and that she would give getting back together some more thought after all the stressful stuff in life (we are still in highschool) was over with . however during the call i made the offer of getting back together and she said she needed more time, which i fear may lead to her moving further on. i did leave this call with a ‘ok text me if you want to talk’. i was pre neutral in voice tone (but by no means monotone) throughout the conversation and added chirpy bits to it.
i am talking to other girls atm, but not doing anything with them because it is only a break.
i know i am young but i feel that she is the one (just trust me on this, if you knew how effortless and natural us falling in love with each other was youd understand).
I wil most likeley see her in just under a month, and we will be living together (as a part of a course) in separate rooms and accomodation blocks on a small military base for two weeks. And because that will be the final stress to overcome, she may come back to me by the end of the course.
NO contact her till then??? my birthday is between then and now so what if she contacts me for that??? and the girl i am talking to is known (by my gf) in the past as one who has liked me and she is now posting on my wall once a day. and because its only a break (supposedly) i dont know wether to become intimate with this new girl as a temp rebound. i also highly value monogamy while in a relationship, espesially my own.
Help me out here folks?
I think give her the space. Show her you don’t care she will run back to you. Tell her you actually agree with this break up and it was a food choice to look what you want in life. Say you will contact her when ur ready. She wil think she lost you then be crawling back to you. See the thing is I can give good advice but not take my own. I’m I’m the worse state but yap time to take my own advice. Good luck dude
I broke up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years about 2.5 weeks ago. It was a mutual decision but it was because over the last 8-9 months we begun to take each other for granted and I was always fighting over the nitty gritty stuff with him. I guess frustration accumulated over time and with his dad passing away late July (it was unexpected) and him starting in his new role in June/July. I guess relationship took a backseat before his family and career and he felt like being in a relationship was somewhat of a pressure to him as I preferred more contact rather than less and all he wanted was a lot more space given everything that has been going on in his life.
I spoke to him last Saturday and gave a touching speech that addressed all the previous issues or concerns that made him doubt whether we were suitable in the long term. But he was extremely firm and said that he didn’t want to continue with the relationship because it felt like there was a burden lifted off his chest and he wanted to focus on the other issues / fires that he has in his life right now. He said he knows I’m serious about changing (I also – told him I was changing for myself not just for him) but he says character is something that takes a while to change and he doesn’t see us happening in the forseeable future. When I prompted further, he said maybe 6 months or 1 year down the road it might be possible. He said that he purposely quoted a longer time frame to put me off so that I wouldn’t wait for him and will move on and if I do move on, he will not hold it against me.
He also said – he knows the importance of having a more independent girlfriend – and he will try to look in that direction in future. He knows I don’t think I can be THAT independent. And also, we’re very different people even though we can ‘click’ together.
I can work towards the direction of fixing all his expectations except for being very much more independent (I don’t stop him for heading out – unlesss he wants to go clubbing, I let him go on holidays with his family / friends without me but I just need a bit more emotional attention from him and I guess the way I requested it wasnt the best way and might have put him off over time.
He is a very rational and mature person who usually works towards what he wants. And I’m afraid that he wouldn’t want to consider reconciliation with me in future because of what happened in our relationship.
We’re still meeting to celebrate my birthday this Friday but I guess after that it’s no contact at all. What can I do to get him to realise that we can be together?
He still wants to be friends when we’re both ready to do so as he says I have been a big part of his life (I was his longest relationship, his previous ones were less than a year). I also asked him what attracted him to me in the first place – he didnt want to explain but he said it was an aggregate of factors but he thinks my best feature is my smile, my actions are cute/amusing and I’m very down to earth and that’s what he likes about me. He also says he has a soft spot for me.
I joked about him introducing me to his other friends in future should I be unable to find a boyfriend.
What could I do to get him to want to be with me? I know he’ll miss me but he thinks that the feelings will fade in time to come and I don’t want that to happen. If I initiate NC – how long should I go NC and when’s the best time to plant the seed letter without him thinking it’s too soon and without him forgetting me.
I was thinking of sending one just before christmas to tell him if he wants to he can collect the christmas gifts for his niece and nephew from me (he stays about 5 minutes away from my place). Would it even be possible or does this relationship seem like a lost cause?
Hey, My boyfriend… or Ex and I broke up a week from today…It was over a VERY Stupid Reason as well. Because I was crying my mom threatened to Sue him for “Emotional Damage” But that’s not true. She thinks because I don’t eat that much I’m still upset about the break up. But that’s not true, I don’t eat because there’s never anything in the house. Anyways. We have been together since I was 14 years old and I’m not 17. I love him with my heart, and I talked to him yesterday and we acted like nothing happened. We promised to stay friends and maybe get back together in the future. I don’t know what will happen. I want to make him jealous and realize that we are perfect for each other. He was the only person I was able to tell my past about (Stuff my mom doesn’t know) and he kind of told me about his depressing about his mom smoking. I want to get back soon, but I never seen him unless he comes over, the only way we know each other is because of a friend who introduced us. We love close but he is in College now. I want to know how will be a good way to see him and get him to change his mind about the break up. There are boys in my school I like BUT I don’t think anything between me and those guys will happen.
Some of my friends say “Dress to Kill when you see your Ex,” but they have more knowledge about boys then me. We were each others first almost everything. First kiss, first girlfriend/boyfriend. We did EVERYTHING together. But Now that he is gone I feel completely Empty. When we talked I felt whole, as well as soooo happy, I felt like I could fly! I miss his arms around me and him saying he loves me.
Sure my friends say they love me but I don’t want to hear it from that. My Ex and I said we would still talk but he won’t. I told him sorry for everything and that I hope to still be friends, he was going to come over today but didn’t because my mom wants to kill him… how do you get over someone who was family? My mother loved him and his parents loved me… I don’t know what he feels about me anymore or if he has interests in other girls. I would guess not since he is always inside playing video games.
I might sound creepy right now but I don’t want him to do anything we did together with another girl, we would take naps during the summer because we stayed up all night texting.
He says the reason why we broke up is because when we are around his parents or his friends I don’t talk, it’s not my fault that I’m shy around other people. When we are alone I’m so open and I just talk like there’s no tomorrow. Maybe if I was texting his parents/friends I could talk but hes the same way around my friends. He talks… or talked to my mom with no problem.
On Halloween I actually had a long conversation with one of his friends about the stuff at my school. And then when our other friend came I talked to him a little but his friend would ignore me and talk to him. I was upset cause he said he was going to take me trick-or-treating (I know I’m like a little kid when it comes to candy).
When he was talking me home I don’t talk. He would try to get my to talk but I was kind of upset about not getting candy, then also being slightly ignored by him. He doesn’t like it when I didn’t say “I love you back,” and that I put “No Comment at the moment” I will say that that part was my fault for not saying “I love you” Back. But there is just sometimes where You can’t say “I love you” All the time!
So the next day I was freely talking to him and telling him about what he asked me. I asked him if I would be seeing him today he said “Nah, Math Homework due,” So I said “Knew it,” an hour later he calls and says he can’t take it anymore and just breaks up with me. We talk for 22 minutes with me asking if we could work it out. He wouldn’t try to work it out.
For the next two days I just cried. (which is why mom threatened to sue him) and We actually talked a little the second day. We talked for a few hours yesterday but that was at night.
Everyone has been telling me to let him make the first moves but he didn’t even make the first move when we started to date it was me so i knew I had to make the first move. I’m not going to text him for maybe two weeks and see if I can. I really want a second Chance with him, I can’t go almost three full years of us being together to nothing at all.
If you have any more advice to tell. Please do tell.
Hello, my names Natasha. I have been broken up with my ex for 3 months. Been so hard. All I do is cry and he doesn’t seem to care. Also we were together for 8and a half years. He said he couldn’t handle it anymore waiting for me to finish school and meanwhile I worked my a** off. He has been caught dancing with other girls we started as a break then I just lost it for him didn’t tell him what I was doing or where I was going. Until me and the other girl roster got in to it. There were me my ex and his best friends gf. So I moved out shortly after we broke up. He has no feelings like that anymore he says. But we slept together twice one of those times he missed me loved me it was a mistake. Second he said he was weak and let’s not let this confuse us. But he hasn’t stopped the contact until yesterday saying stop texting him. Pro Len is I haven’t givin him his space. I just haven’t felt this love before for anyone and he’s Willing to throw all this away?! I know he loves me but he’s stubborn. But also I get blame for his mistakes dancing grossly with chicks. Shortly after our breakup I hooked up with his old high school friend. He was hurt then he travelled and hooked up with 2 Canadian girls in New Zealand. Rebound forsure. I’m lost and miss the man I want to marry and have children with. What can I do? Just give him space make him jealous? I’m so lost for words…. Everyone’s story is different we all think ours is worse. I wish things could of been different. I am now in my own house and depend on myself. I have changed my look to list a bunch of weight he had commented and loved the new look. I’m lost and don’t know the next move… Let him go or work for the man I love? What would you do? I prob left out so much but just got this far.
Also left stuff out. We had no trust he trusted me but I didn’t trust him :/ would call him asking what he’s doing. But why girl wouldn’t think that whole ur bf and his brother party for 2 days and rarely answer?! He wants no contact with me. :’( men are mean. Sorry mine anyways. Thanks for readying everyone. I really do wish you all the best. Be strong <3
hey Ashley!
my ex broke up with me about 8 month ago Surprisingly im still not over him……he aid he’ll be one of my friends that really care for me it was hard but i decided not to force him into something he didn’t want….but few months later he called me and told me that he still has feelings for me sure i was excited but something really seem right 2 days later he behaved like nothing like that ever happened but now he’ back telling me the same…..he even gets himself involved in my business…..im super confused with hi moods he gives me the feeling tha he doesn’t feel anything for me but would do his best to make sure i don’t get involved with any other guy…..I LOVE HIM A LOT…..but what must i think of his moods???????Plz help me!!!!!!!
Just been nosing thru some of the knew messages here.
Flynny, you’ve got your hormones all bouncing all over the place. That last part – ” dont know wether to become intimate with this new girl as a temp rebound” ??
OMG, well, if you really just want to ensure you mess up any chance, then go do that thing. But seriously, read what you’ve thought. The idea of this article was to suggest that making an ex jealous can usually bring them rushing back. Having sex with another person isn’t getting them jealous, it’s insulting to them and indicates your mind is living in your pants, and not in the world of life and a future together – sorry, but i’m sure people would agree.
There’s a very big difference between having a relationship based on love, and just seeking the physical side. That comes as a natural progression in it. If it’s based on just that, it’s going to go nowhere I think. You’d also be just using this other girl as an object, which isn’t fair on anybody – nobody deserves to be used like that. She may fall for you deeply, or even already be head over heels about you quietly.
Show respect for people, whether you intend to marry them, or just sleep together, or not.
Also, a good rule of thumb for anybody – for heavens sake gerroff that facebook stuff, displaying your friends, lives and thoughts blow by blow. Nobody else really needs to know what shop you visited, who you phoned last Thursday, what you’re having for supper etc. The main thing such mass nosey integration is about, is doing just harmful stuff tracking others friends and contacts, and being ready to sling mud and start things up. Sharing a holidays photos is one thing, but you can bet that anybody like an ex is watching every name that you have access to – and making as many random conclusions as is humanly possible.
If you meet someone and an ex was so deeply after you that they felt insane jealousy, then you have a chance, but most of the time, its just over when its over, sad but true. And time apart (especially when younger) usually means a person doesn’t know how to say “get away from me, I need to feel something very different”
But best of luck with it, just dont go rushing off to somebody else, life lasts quite a longgg time, no need to be trying to be hooked up every other day of it.
i’ve got a good one……..my ex and i have beed divorced ten years …..she’d been chasing me for years……i finally gave in to her as my second marriage ended…she came back to “play with me” for a while this summer then pulled her same stuff lied cheated and left again…felt like she had the upper hand ….until today it’s my birthday and i knew she couldn’t resist and sure enough texted my “happy birthday!” i texted back simply “Piss Off!” felt good…..her little wheels are turning now thinking …wow he really is done with me now….
it has been 28 days for me. i still feel it. no matter how much i go to the gym and stay busy and talk with other women go out with friends. i wear a smile on my face and have good times. but, she’s still on my mind. i think of all the things we done together and wonder if she’s with someone else doing the same things we did. i do have feelings of wanting her back we’ve been together for 2 years and what we had was quality. we both never felt love like we did. but she said her feelings have changed for me because we would get into arguments that led to breaking up and getting back together a few times including the last time.
how do you think she is taking it? i mean days and weeks before the last time we talked she was telling me how much she loved me and all the sudden it ended like that? it sucks
the last time i tried contacting her(28 days ago) after the breakup she seemed mad at me and treating me like a stranger or her enemy. i kept my distance since because i already told her how i felt and i wanted us to be together.
what should i do?
anyone else experience this and ended up with their ex returning and the spark and love came back?
We have split up 2 times n a yr! He says it’s him not me!!! We text daily like 215 text a day!! I say stuff like miss u and get no response r gets me 2!! I feel he has moved on and he says no! We have a child and I’m soooo confused!!!
Hi , Some advice girls , from my experience when a guy tells you its OVER or wants SPACE your ONLY JOB and I mean ONLY is to move on.Harsh I know.Do not txt do not call , do not email or send any smoke signals via friends , ITS OVER.Cry, scream , thump a pillow , journal , do whatever it takes.Avoid the places you used to frequent, avoid his friends and family , I don;t care how much you love his sister , cousin , dog cat etc.As a result of this he will a) Miss you and realise u were the woman of his dreams and start chasing u down again or b) fORGET YOU.A word of warning , don’t under ant circumstances become a BOOTY CALL for ur ex.This will only make u feel like shit.
Amen to that. I’ve been doing it for a little over a week. It’s been hell. Everyday I feel like my head is going to explode, but I can’t imagine trying to contact my ex who is the one who left the relationship so that he could start sleeping with someone else. He has been calling me, but I don’t really have anything to say so I don’t answer. He wanted space so I’m giving him it to him. And even though I miss him, keeping my dignity is more important. I am not going for his bulls**t a** games.
hey my name is jason, my ex just broke up with me a week ago and its been hard, we dated for a year and a half. she told me that we hung out too much, thats she didnt want to be mean to me no more and that she wasnt happy all the time. we texted for a bit after the break up but now there nothing i saw her at the mall and we was acting awkward, and when i told her i missed her she said were not getting back together if thats what your trying to. i sent her the letter like it said. saying that i agree with the break up and that its totally good for the both or us, im kinda afraid thats there someone else.
how do i get her to realize how good of a bf i really was? i did everything for her and i miss her alot.
Ignore her! That’s your best bet. Act like she doesn’t exist. No contact whatsoever. and when she contacts you continue to ignore her until she really makes an effort like shows up at your house! Ignoring a girl drives her crazy I promise!
funny that these steps come naturally, when you don’t really like the girl…. every girl that i’ve been with, that i never really liked to begin with, fell madly in love with me because of my avoidant and distant behavior.. but the girls i liked too much, abandoned me.. this totally backs up your advice and i am here to say it works.. and yes, women especially want what they cant have. all we have to do as men, is behave above them, and we can realistically even date out of our class..that is, if you can walk the walk.
my girlfriend lives in tampa I in sarasota whens she moved we decided to keep going out well she dumped me because she met a new guy and because the distance .a week later after I was texting and begging she called saying sorry i love u i miss u and we made up the next day she said she doesnt feel my love no more and doesnt no why she said she really likes the guy and wants to be with him what should i do ???
Okay so here’s my issue. Guy I had a 5 night stand with and I’ve never really been able to get over him. He came home from afganistan for 2 weeks, we hooked up thinking nothing of it but then he ended up spending the next week with me and then suddenly went back to his ex right before he left. I was devastated to say the least… so of course at first I was all over him. I wanted to talk to him all the time so I was the one doing all the contacting via facebook and cell phone while I still could. Mind you, this guy is the ultimate player! He is seriously a whore and I finally came to that realization and all of the sudden quit talking to him and ever since I did that he’s been messaging me, and acting interested in my current love interest which happens to be my ex who is also in the military. He has messaged me a few times and I finally sent him a long email saying how he could never give me what I want, so to leave me alone. He messaged me about a week later completely ignoring my email and basically tried to talk to me about my current relationship. It’s hard for me too ignore this guy, I care about him a lot but I’m getting better at it. Anyways, my question is what do I do? Keep ignoring him since he can’t say anything about my email. I’m so frustrated. He really knows how to get under my skin.
You hardly know this guy, how can you not get over him? He is in player mode, just move on if you want something serious, if not, just have fun with him.
Hey,
my boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. It was a long distance relationship and he was supposed to come to visit a week ago…we spent the whole summer together and yes, we had fights, but we talked about problems and were ok again..when i was leaving to go back home, he was crying and two weeks before he text me he has no feelings for me anymore, he text me a lot that he loves me and misses me and that i’m silly if i think that he doesn’t love me..but then bum! he said he doesn’t love me anymore and he’s not coming to visit..i don’t know what happened, can’t believe he was lying to me for months(he said he hasn’t been in love with me for 4 months now)..and i made so many mistakes already! when he was breaking up with me, i was crying and begging him to come to visit and then tried to be friends, but he hasn’t text me back for a week now..do you think there’s any chance to get him back? next time i’ll be able to see him is february
Hey Ashley,
I have a slightly different issue. My close friend of 6months asked me out and we dated for like a month before deciding that our friendship was more important and we mutually decided to call it quits. However, I still like him and asked him to think about giving it another go while i was overseas for 3weeks. He said he’d think about it. When I got back, he told me he had started dating someone else. He hadn’t expected to, but it happened. he thought about what i said about giving it another chance but didn’t think i was ready for a relationship with him at the time. So we are better off as friends. This is killing me cos I feel like i’ve lost my mate and now the guy i like (would like to date). He tells me he doesn’t know where things with this new girl will go but cant lose out on a great friend. After 3weeks of minimal contact, we are now trying to go back to being friends… But its hard… and I wanna know how can I get him to give us another go in the future?
Hey,
My ex and I broke up 5 months ago. We use to live together and had some great time along with bad. I didn’t appreciate our relationship until I completely lost him. After moving out I missed him like crazy and wandered how he is doing. Since then he moved on and dated one grl and been with two or probably more. I think things got worse after the break up with me annoying him with texts and emails. Recently he ignores me a lot. we have no ties anymore except the fact that he owes me money and were still on the same phone plan. He says besides the money we should have no reason to communicate. I have a guy that likes me and he knows that but I am afraid to move on because I am in love with my ex. what should I do?
move on chick, he has told you that by saying we have no reason to communicate, and if you do move on, take it slow, dont get to involved, and if you love him as much as you say, when he finds out, he will say something to you, and that is down to you and your feelings, how to react, but you might be over him,and its his loss, dont sit around like i did, t hurts bad and there is nothing worse, but you have to change your life, and i say, get busy living, or be busy dying, i dont have the answers and can only say what i feel, if i told my whole story you would see you are in a much better place than me. stop texting get out more, meet people and see where it leads you. he will soon find out about you, they always have a way of finding out about you. once in my past my ex, called me 1o years later and after a failed marrige and said to me that it was the biggest mistake she had ever made, but i said sorry chick im not that person anymore, i moved on, as hard as it was, and i loved her too. lifes to short, dont waste it..good luck
My ex and I have been communicating, via text and phone, mainly because he lives in another state. We have done this daily for almost a year. Over the past three months he has changed jobs and is working a lot of hours and isn’t able to talk as much. His texts are fewer, also. This weekend I haven’t heard from him at all and I have tried to call him a couple of times and after two rings it goes to vm and I have texted about 4 times and no response. Now, I am angry and have determined that I am not going to call or text again, unless he does and I’m not sure if I will respond right away. This is all very confusing.
stick to your plan, its the right thing to do, as sad as it is to say, me thinks he has somone else, and only chats to you when there is nothing better to do, sorry if it hurts. he could be that busy that its not possible to chat with you, but to simply ignore, or not even send a simple text…..well….he has lost interest, look when your in a relationship the other half, should always be at the top of your list of priorities and then everything else after, you are right down at the bottom of his list, and it shows that he can not even text. shows me how much a person loves you, if they can not be bothered to even send a simple text, well, dump him, or you can test him, get another phone, or sim card and text from that and see how quick he repies, but this will drive you mad that he replies straight away to a strange number, dont let him know its you, or he will hate you forever. i did once and they replied so quick that i said sorry i think i have the wrong person. but i never ever told her, but new in my head that it was loads of lies from her.
Hi there this is Juan.
Okay my girlfriend, totally broke all of our promises and commitments we had to each other one random day. And i said “im sorry i dont think we can be together, its over” hoping she would stop me there and talk things out, well she didnt care. she said “i knew we were going to break up”
sooo anyways, I love her to death, and she just seems like she doesnt care anymore but I KNOW she does we dated over a year, she’s just the professional at hiding feelings. problem is she HAS NOT contacted me since the day we broke up and I did the worst mistake and “begged, terrorist text her, bomb her phone” and all the no no’s, and she ignored me for the first WHOLE WEEK. and now right now i gave her the NC rule for the past two days, and she never replied,
soo I just sent her the “i met someone new, i agree with the break up, its been the happiest thing…” and left it at “call me if you want”.
will she text back? is it too late after bugging her for the whole week? she wont text back I KNOW IT, but if she does what do i do? and how the heck do can i get in contact with her if she WONT text or call or email me back?! please help. ive tried moving on:/
Hey guys, got a lot of good stuff here… So I haven’t talked to my ex in over a month just left it at that because he made it obvious that he didn’t want to try again, there is a lot of history, but today my dumb ass was upset because the new guy I’m seeing made me mad… I began to examine the pattern because he did something to me my ex began to do before we broke up, anyway I wanted to know why so instead of asking the current guy I called my ex to ask him for advice on the new one… The thing is that I am still in love with my ex and I want him back, did I just do something really stupid? Can this be fixed??? When I was telling my ex the details of the situation he was like did you really just call me for this? I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about this since I still have feelings for you… I thought he had no feelings for me and I just wanted to know why this keeps happening to me… now what? Also I sent him a text a few min ago saying thanks again for listening to me, I got it figured out and good luck in the bay… No response yet!
I really want to send this letter to my ex but i havent had contact with her in about a week. We broke up about 2 weeks ago, i saw her a week ago to give her some stuff i had from her, we stared at each other and i could see in her eyes that she still has feelings. Her roommate told me that it is over bc she sees me as a friend and nothing more now. I haven’t spoken to my ex in a week, she is going to las vegas with her family this week, and frankly i feel as if she is totally over me. she posts stuff on fb to share how great her life is going etc. When we broke up she told me that she needed time to work on her self bc she had a lot of personal issues and i do want to give her the time she asked for. But i really dont know if sending the letter is a good idea, bc my friend told me is getting into a war that i am going to lose. But i dont want to be waiting next to the phone over the next couple of days for a call or message that might not get there. Please help me any advice is welcome!!!!
Im lost and dont know what to do.. I was with a great guy for 4months, we knew each other from school, he had been wanting to take me for dinner for ages, then he got a hold of my number and text me, I went on a date and it was fantastic for 4 months we had great times, then i asked him to come to bonfire night with me and he said no he does not like it, anyway,, i then text him on the day just incase he changed his mind and he said for me to go .. I had had a lovely evening with him the night before and by the next day i knew something was wrong as he had not called or text so i asked him if everything was ok, he text to say i had freaked him out by my text , he said he felt presureised into going.. I then said is that a get out clause , i then got a text to say he feels im looking for something in a partner that he cant give, he works away so i text saying please tellme what you mean,, i did not hear from him for 4days , then he texts to say i have pjs at his house, i said i was unable to get them that night, eventualy 7 days he text to say if i want them he is at home, I went and i asked him if he wants to talk about the texts he sent he said no, i tried to find out from him what has went wrong.. i still dont know , he was unwell the last time i saw him to collect my pjs, 4 days ago,, i have just text to say hope your feeling better, Its horrble not knowing what i have done..
HEY MY NAME IS ANTHONY I BEEN WITH MY EX FOR 3 YEARS. BUT I DID SOME STUPIED THINGS WHEN WE BROKE UP I DID EVRYTHING IN THE BOOK BESIDE GIVEN HER SPACE AND NOE I THINK IT IS TO LATE BUT MY HEART TELLS ME THAT IT AINT NOW HER MOM DONT LIKE ME. I DONT NO WHAT TO DO IT’S BEEN 6 MONTHS WHAT SHOULD I DO CAN ANYONE TELL ME
my gf of 1 yr just recently broke up with me… She said she loves me and likes me alot but im confused since she told me she was going back with her ex boyfriend of 5 yrs.. they were broken up for 3 yrs before we dated..what do i do to win her back should i call her, text her, e-mail her, etc… I really love her and want this relationship to work.. do u think her new realtionship is more of a rebound or not…any advice would help me …
to be honest, im guessing she had made contact with him while, with you, and they have spoken, and to return to an ex, well she obviously does not want to be with you, sad as it is, but true, because if she did, she would have never have broken up with you. i no nothing about you are the person you are, but i can say that, for somone to do that to a person was not happy with you, i no this might hurt, but best thing for you is, NOT to contact her and let her see for herself, that she misses you, the things about you, and see if she contacts you first, for her to go back to an ex, i personaly would’nt go back with her, as much as i loved her, she could or might hurt you again, in the future. i could be wrong here, but i dont like that they go back to there ex’s
It sounds like she really doesnt know what she wants at this point. You shouldnt act desperate but you should try and find out why exactly she chose to break up with you and go back to her ex.
Hi..
we are in 4 year relationship,,we had a fight now my bf is not talking to me from 12days and gave me a message that its all over..!!!
we had fight because i used to say that he is having an extra affair with someone else,
not replying to mail,call, messages, told him sorry for many times still nothing happened please help out what to do now?i love him too much…….and want him back!!!!as we were before…….
well i did it,i sent the letter, but i left off, the call me bit, why you ask, well i did not want to shift the power back to her, and have her think, “he wants me to call him” we shall see what happens and i will update, for now, grit and bear it, for the next few weeks, and i guess nothing from that, i quick opppps sorry text message, and then failing that, i might have found somone else and not care………doubt that…but crack-on with life and chin up. i do so love her, so much, but im obviously not what she seeks, after all i was nothing but a gentleman.
well i sent a text and i said, miss you, and i got the reply, but, and there is a but, it says “miss, you too, and hope that we can still be friends” i have not replied, i have taken that she has lost interest in me, and wishes to move on.
hi i split from bf 2 weels ago and we have 2 kids together so he sees them once week . i stilllove him like mad but he said he had enough as it wasnt working out . can i get him back still as we was together on and off for 5 and half yrs.?. i sent letter but i put at end dont be stranger. so now wat do i do ? do i say to him i want him back wen he sees kids or wat as im lost and worried i wont get chance?
it dont matter he tex me last nite and said wat am i doing and that . and then he said he swears on his life he will never get back with me . so guess ill move on
my ex split up with me.its been 3 months.shes now going out with someone else but i can tell by the way she acts around me and the way she talks to me but i dont know what to do.can someone please help me.it would be alot of help.thanks.
you can tell what? markos, its not clear, thats she still lkes you? well if she does still like you as the man, your choice is to either stay friends and see if anything ever changes, or, confront her and ask if she is playing with your head, and finaly, you can say to her that your not playing games anymore, either you leave me alone so i can move on, or you speak to me and we can try to sort this out. you can not sit around and watch your ex, with another man in front of you, and have every thought running through your mind, its not healthy for you. my choice, reading into her and what she is like with you, is i would say are we going to fix this, or not, i wish to move on in my lfe, show her you have your own independents, and your taking control of your life, or ignore her and it will send her mad why, you are doing this, we want what we can not have, but if we can have it, its usually not that good, make her chase you.
my gf dumped me. it hurts so much. especially after 7 years of good relationship. We kinda grew up together and have the same hobbies and likes and friends. its been 2 weeks now and it hurts like hell. I feel like im going to die.
I sent the letter as an email and my ex called me back right away … should i have picked it up?? what do i do?call her back?? im not sure of the next step from here
Me n my gf were high school sweet hearts we were going out for 6years n a half we broke up now she’s been dating this other guy for almost 3 years but she cheats on him with me I don’t know how she can look at him or love him if she keeps on doing this to him we try working things out only lasts for a couple of months then she goes back to him it’s like a ping pong game back n forth I do t know when this childish bullshit is going to stop I should know better to let it go but i seem like we still have something she’s the one that always contacts me cus I use the no contact rules she keeps saying that she loves me n the reason why she keeps comin back is because I’m adventurous she keeps bringing up marriage but when I asked her if I was to ask her what would u say she turns around n says I don’t know if I would say yes but mean while she keeps on showing me rings ect can some one tell me what I should do move on or keep on trying I wasnt the best bf in our relationship n I they she keeps on reminising about the past n now she’s doing exactly what I did to her beside having another gr n going back n forth like she’s doing
soooo u guys should all pretty much just move on. sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together<3
I am so confused right now my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago saying that he just didn’t feel the spark anymore. I was devasted as I loved the guy with all of my heart and thought that we would be together forever. The first month was very hard and I did all the begging and pleading unfortunitly. But one day I just decided to stop talking to him as I was making myself crazy. Three days later he texted me saying that he could not stand the thought of me not being in his life and that for now he wanted to be friends and maybe something more again in the future with no promises either way. I agreed to this and we have been very close for the last month. In fact he initiates most of our get togethers and he is waaaay over the top flirty with me the whole time. So one day I confronted him about this and he said that he just doesn’t know what he wants. I don’t know what to do from here to get him to decide that he wants to be more than friends again before its too late. I feel like I’m falling in love with him all over again and I really don’t want to blow this. Please help me
I tried it and she didn’t respond. Then she deleted me from facebook
Guess it doesn’t work for everyone…
Need to use NC then.
Thanks
Don’t feel like you are alone Jo. I haven’t seen or heard from my ex since he dumped me 2 months ago. I sent him a text message last night that just said “Hi”, that’s all. I didn’t get any kind of acknowledgement at all back. I guess the last 10 years didn’t mean anything to him. : (
I reall need some advice. So I sent my ex boyfriend a text message saying what you should put in the letter. I sent it 5 days ago
still no reply… Do I move on? Or keep hoping he will at least text me..
hi! Elee sorry you haven’t gottont a response yet a word to the wise! stop waiting for a response and get yourself together make some changes in your personal life.
Hi I’m 31 female, separated after a 9 yr relationship and then was in a long distance Internet relationship with this guy I hadn’t met!! (i know that sounds insane) for the last 4 months and could do with some advice. Because it was an IR its hard to talk to friends and family as they’ve never been there and don’t know what it’s like.
It was a very intense 4 months, it started very quickly but I had trust issues with him from the start as I could see he was an online flirt with a bit of a reputation. However, he assured me although he came across like that it was all for show and with me it was totally different and he really felt something for me. I felt something for him too, more than anyone before if I’m really honest but I was apprehensive. After more talking we got on so well I decided to just bite the bullet and believe and trust him and go for it otherwise we weren’t going to get anywhere. Well the next 2 months were then great. The ‘honeymoon’ period I guess. He texted me daily, sent me a present and poetry and music and we IMed or spoke regularly for hours and I mean like 13 hours sometimes! and he’d go to work after no sleep just because we didn’t want to stop being close and we felt closest on the phone. He said he was in love with me first and I didn’t at first and wanted to slow it down and take it step by step. He insisted we become exclusive and he brought up talk of moving, children and marriage, our goals were the same and everything was pointing to meeting up and seeing what would happen from there.
So then just as I really started to feel comfortable around him and really trusted him and felt we could talk about anything he started backing off. Not texting as much, calls and online convos were further apart, he started letting me down when we arranged to call or even worse didn’t let me know until a couple of days later. So all my fears and doubts started being validated and I thought maybe he had just wanted the thrill of the chase after all. When we talked or had contact he allayed all my fears and I was happy, but during the in-between times the doubts would just come back and I’d be suspicious and thought he could still be talking and chatting up all these other women he convinced me were just friends. I did try to explain my fears but he either thought I was being accusatory or tried to twist the situation back on to me as though I had done the same as him and gone out on nights out and he was worried what I was up to too. In short I became a paranoid mess and it wasn’t healthy. His reason for backing off was that he had to work overtime as its the run up to Christmas and he was having family troubles. Instead of accepting his word I thought these were excuses, how could he not even spare two seconds for a text? So I tried to give him space, but after 5 days (I know not long!) I just flipped and couldnt wait for him to decide to talk to me when he wanted, I needed to get things off my chest when I wanted. Its a but like a battle of wills. We are both headstrong which is part of why we liked eachother so much. I also thought he was going to dump me so I wanted to get in there first. So in a moment of panic and annoyance I told him- by email- how he was making me feel, that I didnt think it his fault but it was making me paranoid and I couldnt handle it so for my own health and sanity I had to dump him AND block him from social networks so we couldn’t see what eachother was up to. I tried to be amicable that I still thought he was wonderful and had had a great time but I thought I just wasn’t the one for him.
He replied that day by email. He felt I had judged him falsely. He was sorry he made me feel like that, it wasn’t his intention. That he felt he should never have to explain himself to anyone but that he was disappointed I hadn’t given him the chance to talk about what was happening with him at the time. Then basically he said he respected my decision it was his loss, he’d have to have a look at himself as to why I would go and wished me a thank you goodbye and good luck.
Now at this point I wish I had left it, but his email made me feel so guilty, but also annoyed as again it seemed he managed to overlook my feelings and turn the situation around to his own bruised ego and me judging him and accusing him and asking for explanation which is not what I wanted I just wanted for him to show he cared! But I still didn’t really want it over so I sent a rather desperate email the next day. I pretty much apologised for everything: for saying what I did by email, that I didn’t mean to judge him but had simply tried to explain my feelings, and then I tried again in a different way, that I felt bad I did this when he’s going through a hard time, that I was devastated and wanted to work it out and for him to contact me if and when he’s ready, but no need for an immediate response.
That was 10 days ago with no contact since and I don’t know what next as I’m not sure if this counts as me dumping him as I recalled it the next day? Or if he did dump me as he kind of agreed with me and didn’t try to fight it at the time and didn’t respond to my second email. Should I be the one making amends as the dumper even though I’m female, to me that seems wrong because if he wanted me he’d make the effort. So do I wait for him to contact me and for how long or do I send this letter now? I reckon he’s angry too and he’s very stubborn (self-professed) and I know he can easily cut people out for good. But I know in my heart these problems stemmed from my insecurities and the fact it was a long distance relationship but still feel we owed it to ourselves to at least see what would have happened by meeting. I realise this all sounds crazy as it was just an Internet and phone relationship but it was so emotionally charged and I thought we loved each other so much from what we knew that it feels much worse than after my 9 year ‘normal’ relationship. Sorry its so long but I’d be grateful for any advice.
If I stop all contact with him how do I expect to talk to him and get him back won’t he just forget about me? This sounds like a bad idea
CORTNEY DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU DO THE NO NO CONTACT IF YOU DON’T FOLLOW YOUR HEART WE ALL FORGET THAT EACH PERSON’S RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFRENT I OR ANYBODY ELSE CANNOT TELL YOU HOW AND WHEN TO CONTACT HIM.
Talk about strange. I posted last night that my ex didn’t respond to my simple text saying “Hi”. Out of the blue this afternoon, I get a “Hi” back and a few short sentences on neutral subjects. I didn’t go all psycho and start telling him I loved and missed him even though I do very much. I just played it cool and let him set the tone. It’s not much, but maybe it’s a start? It’s gonna be tough waiting to see how this all plays out though.
My wife already dump me 1 yr ago.but still i love her .she was vry know understand i love her so much. She is greedy nd she dont love me at this time.how can i get back her felling back of me? Plzzxzz let me know
Hey, my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago, and even though I am not the kind of person to do this I asked him to meet up with me and I and begged and pleaded for an entire day which is not ny character, the main reason we broke up was because I still had contact with my ex, even though he really know s I do not love my ex, I still found it hard to let go of the contact from a 8 year relationship and losing that friend and the fact that my ex is still in love with me, but my boyfriend and I had been together for a year, he was very tolerant with me and I would tell him every step of the way what was going on but I would be hard on him and frustrated and fear of the situation made me someties be completely not myself and cold to him , and over a week ago he told me that it was over and he couldnt be treated like that anymore, I told him how much I cared and wanted to change the situation and he was right,I never caved like this before but he said no, he didnt want to speak to me for over a month and maybe after that we could be friends, I have really hurt him and I want him back for all the right reasons, what should I do? he told me he wanted this space so the following day i agreed with him and told him i respected that, it killed me to do it , but I know i must respect this and give him this space, he told me the argument we had and how I acted in it had changed him and changed his feelings for me, but the day before he told me his feelings were very strong, I am really lost as to what to do here, I truely want him back , and it is not pride, i am scared I have runied everything and he will keep me at arms lenght and only want to be my friend at the end of everything
Okay! So i found this page and im going to spill my guts to you- someone please help me out. Im 18 and my boyfriend is 17. The first year was great but had a few crazy moments of cheating but we always got back together. well the second year we began arguing nonstop about me waiting on him to graduate so we could go to the same university but now that its close to his graduation date, he had ignored me for 2 months straight with his guy friends and friend girls that flirt with him, and he lead me on for those 2 months and just now broke it off yesterday. He has been using me for sex, money, food, skateboards and all but i quickly put a stop to that. He claims that the reason he is leaving is because he is changing and is getting involved in religion, when in fact. I got him into religion and everything he does with his friends now is what we did in our first year! I want him back tho, I know he still wants me but he is playing hard to get. What do i do. He told me to move on, cursed me out, but he never gives me a clear reason of why he broke up with me. Should I even keep trying or give up?
my ex broke up wth me a month back… he was very confused.. first he said he doesn deserve me and den later dat he doesn love me and all sorts of things.. he considers me as a bad experience n wants to stay away frm me.. in relation i had bcum too needy, clingy, spyful, doubting abt everything.. i actually begged, pleaded bt it turned him rude… den i dint contact him, its been a week neithr did he try to cntct me, he jus askd me to stay way frm him rudely…n dat he is nt in love wth me.. i love him way too much and i knw d exact reasons for break up, he seemed so much in love wth me bt nw since a month he was so confused… i dnt knw wat to do?? he had evn proposed me for marriage and evn made me meet his parents earlier..and used to discuss abt marriage all d tym n nw suddenly he is sayin he doesn love me…. its so shattering…nw its been a month i dint cntct him… in starting i showed hw much miserable i feel wthout him bt later aftr reading abt no cntct n all i felt mre positive n confident… nw i feel i shud try cntctng him n sayin him abt i hv realised my mistakes n m a changd person.. n i wna try working things out… i dnt want him to hate me for resy of his life, wat to do??? plz help me
Im wondering what i should do my girlfriend left me just over a year ago i know why and i even relocated interstate to fix myself. We still speak alot even now but within one week of me moving her friend told me she has a new boyfriend its still killing me now. After about a month of me being interstate i sent her text telling her how much i love her and she said i love you too but Im not going to just leave my new boyfriend for you yet. So we spoke alot and after 6 months i surprised her by asking if i could visit her as i have moved back. I got a yes so i went to her parents house as she has always lived there and still does to this day. After a bit of a sob and a huge hug i left we still see eachother for a coffee every couple of weeks and she is not happy with her current boyfriend and kept telling me to wait until she finished her final uni exams so she wouldnt be so stressed. Now about 3 weeks ago i said this is crap i have waited for about a year and you keep telling me to wait so she said Im so sorry ill always love you but my new bf hasnt done anything wrong so i cant leave him yet i dont want you to wait any more i feel bad. so i said ok and we have not spoken since i text her today asking how she was but nothing more than that she hasnt replied to me. My housemates girlfriend is a good friend of her best friend so i get told that she always talks about how much of mistake she made leaving me and then getting a new bf so soon. I know she loves me she even goes and sees my mum still for dinner about once a month. My mum tells me that my ex cries alot when she talks about me. Im hope thats enough info. Oh Im 25 and she is 24 were together for 8 years she means more to me than anything i love her so much. We did have a break a few years ago to go have a bit of fun and see if the grass is greener and no it wasnt pleas help me i will do anything i feel so desperate asking a forum. Thank you very much would really appreciate any advice kind regards
To be honest it seems like Love is the right word to explain it and it’s with the right person… Just NOT the right time just YET. I’d say keep in touch, I’m not saying pound her with “I’m the one for you” kind of attitude. Since you two have each other’s families greatly involved then the spark is very much still there. It’s just in hibernation mode if you know what I mean… Waiting is the best answer. There are so many great things awaiting for those who wait. Quite frankly I’m a VERY impatient person, but right now I’m willing to wait for my ex boyfriend whom I love so much.
You two have waited long enough, even break up to meet other people, and yet still ended up together… Then broke up again. That last break up seemed like the break up you two needed to realize the importance of one another. Be the best guy for her by just being there for her. Don’t pressure her into being in a relationship with you RIGHT AWAY. She’s in the process of realizing how much she’s deeply in love with you.. Hope things gets better soon
My gf broke up with me about a month and a half ago and it came out of no where. She said the past month or so she had been losing feelings for me because i didnt trust her enough and that i held her back from other guys too much. I begged to change and all that desperate stuff but now she seems even farther than ever from me. We have school together so i see her every day in my classes. I want to win her back but idk how
hi
Hello:
I was in a “relationship” with a guy for just 4 weeks but i think we had the chemistry and the connection right on from the first week itself. It came to a stage where we couldnt do our work properly and u know–that giddy feeling… having him around you all the time….? we had reached a point of discussing marriage as well. Suddenly, he got contacted from his ex-gf and started messaging her. He had been stressed a lot and used to constantly ask me if i would hurt him and keep saying that he wouldnot survive another heartbreak.. All of a sudden, the next day, he started hinting that he was settling in a relationship…this ex of his did not want him back because of his custody issues with his ex-wife.. and then 2 days later, he asked if i would marry him….at 5 pm and at 9 pm, he called to say that he wants to end the relationship.. said that he cant give me what i want and that he loved her …. and he didnt love me that way……
I really connected with him.. i think he did tooo.. for the first time, we both felt we found true love… i still yearn for him.. do u think it is possible to get him back?
Hello I have a very difficult situation. Me and my ex of 19 months, we just had a 3 month old. Are relationship has always been rocky. We lived with each other from jump street. But when we would get into arguments and fights he would leave for a couple of days but never cheated. Well the day I got pregnant thats when are trust went down hill. We had a big fall out and he left for a week and started to talk to girls on the computer. Then when we got back together everything was good. We ended up moving out of our apt that we had together and moved in with my friend. A couple of days after we moved in there we had another big fall out and he left for a couple of days and went to another city and slept with someone else for the first time. But then he wanted me back and we got back together. A little bit of time we moved out of my friends house and moved in with my ex sister in law. We got into an argument and he told me he had did something with my best friend a little while ago. I was devestated and pregnant at the same time. So we parted for about two weeks and he started dealing with another girl, but then he asked me to forgive him and I took him back agian. We finally got another apartment a couple months after that and was living good agian. He was trying to change and I noticed it a little but was scared he was gonna keep doing the same thing over and over. Well I had the baby and we it felt like we were back in love agian like when we first met. But then after the stress came along with the baby and not being able to have sex he started getting fustrated with me and wanting it to be over, but we never broke up agian. He did start changing as a man agian and this time he really started maturing and being a good man if we did have arguments he would go to my brothers for a night and then come back home wanting it to work. At this time of my life I think I was so hurt from everything that he had done to me while I was pregnant I just thought it was to late to change. Well back in September he wanted to show me a good time and be romantic he took me out and we went to the casinos and had a great time, but on the way home we got into a huge argument. Alcohol was involved and it got blown out of porportion and I called the cops and got him locked up. The next day I regreted getting him locked up so I got money together and bailed him out 2 weeks later. During the jail time he said he forgave me. When he came home we made love and etc. But two days later back @ it agian. Then he starts throwing me calling the cops on him getting him locked up. So during this time after he got released he lost his job and we lost our apt once agian. had to move back home with my parents, but he started to change agian as a man and started stepping up to the plate. I admit he did a 360. But I started to let my anger get in the way agian from what he did to me in the past. So I started being mean and ignorant. He left me 9 days ago the first two days we had know contact. Then he contacted me wanting his wallet. Then 2 days later I needed help with the baby so I took the baby to him. Then later that night he emailed me telling me to watch something it was purtaning to relationships. So the next day I picked him up on Monday 12/5/11 and we went to a couples counseling meeting. Then Tuesday 12/6 we both agreed to get back with each other he wanted to come back home, but when we got to my parents my father and him got into an argument then he said f*** me hes done with me.Hes moving on. Well yesterday I got into his FB and he has a tagged page and I seen he has been talking t multiple females and trying to hookl up with them to have sex. And last night he met up with one of the girls and they had sex I know that for sure. So i have sent him a couple of emails today, but then I realized that I should leave him alone. So I changed my number and wrote hima last email saying that I was going to let him do him and if thats what he wants to do be with other females then so be it. I did say that I wasnt going to jump into something else right away cause I still love him but I did say I have to focus on me and the kids. I have a good job now and Im getting a townhouse @ the end of the month. I just blocked him from my email address. He has know way to call me cause I cjanged my number and I blocked him fromFB. I would like someone to help me. I want to know do you think theres any chance of us getting back together and am I making the right steps. I want to add he goes to court next month and is looking at some time. Im so confused. Some one help me PLEASE!!!!!!!!
Hey Ashley,
I have been reading comments and I realize the comments are from a long time ago,so I wander if your still doing this?. I was Soooo scared about sending the txt mssg,but I did anyways. I reaaaly hope this works. If he texts me back Do I ignore him? Or what? I didn’t really get what you were saying about the ignoring part…and my friends or parents Do not support me in wanting my ex back because they all never liked him in the first place (idk why) but thanks so much for support and all that you given to everyone & me
Ok nevermind I was @ the top of the page(:
`hi ashley and everyone here..just needed some advice
..my boyfriend just broke up with me few days ago for the second time around and its killing me once again….last year he broke up with me because he was seeing someone…he deleted me on my fb and msn after our break up i tried to win him back thru text that i do love him blah blah blah and to give me a chance but no reply at all so i stop..i cried many months for him but i told myself he would never come back so i moved on..i started going out,,seeing guys..flirting with them but all of them are just rebound or just to let people know that i really moved on..but i think i over partied and i chatted 2 much with guys on fb 
but here’s the thing after 8mos i had a friend request on fb and guess its my EX….we started talking…i asked him what does he want from me..why did he look for me after 8mos of no communication….he said HE MISS ME…he got me with his saying he miss me..so we started going out again..i can say he changed he is more sweeter than last year..we really had a good time together but the problem is whenever were together i cant stop myself from asking him why is he back after so long?and i keep saying maybe im just your rebound..he said NO he does me and im better..i wanted 2 believe him but i kept thinking maybe he is just good in lying i dont know 
but anyway we had a good time together…but few days ago he send me a long letter on fb confiding that he loves me..that im special to him….but he said he cant continue being with me because of my past…i was so confused so i sms him what does the letter mean?is it a brake up letter or something?he said i need time to think and fix my life and to know what i really want from life..and he said if i need someone he will always be there…im so mad coz he doesnt have the guts to tell me personally what he wants to tell me so i sms him if we are over as a couple and he said yes we are over but we can still be friends and can go out but not now coz he just cant see me now that’s according to him..i was curious i asked why is he braking up with me to think that he confided his feelings that he does love me this time…i didnt get an answer instead he told me he found all my conversations with guys on fb..i was shocked i dont know why he did it and how he found out all my conversations on fb 
i sms him i can explain plus i did those things when werent together but he never replied..i accepted the brake up once again eventhough its killing me…i do love him a lot…i want him back this time but i dont know if i can have him back…i wanted to call him but im controlling myself not to coz this is second time that he broke up with the only difference is he said he loves me which is driving me crazy?im just really confused..i dont understand him 
my question is you think is it possible that he will come back to me again for the third time???
My ex and I broke up about 1 year ago, because we had some issues and she just went back to school and is about 1 hr. away. She’s moving back this month..I’ve kept in touch and everything was going well and she knew I wanted to get back with her. I spoke to her and let her know all my feelings and tells me she just met someone and likes him a lot and wants to see where things lead to. I want her back so badly, but she is gonna try to pursue this new guy. I fear if I make n/c that she’ll move on with this guy, but I also don’t want to beg and plead. What to do??
I know this is going to sound cheesy and people might say “Oh you’re just young. This will pass..” but right now all I need is help and assurance. Ok so my boyfriend and I (both age 16) have been together for almost 11 months.. We broke up around 1 week ago and that was the “final” break up. 2 weeks before that we broke up.. THAT was the first but i wouldn’t actually call it a “breakup” since we got back together around an hour later because we were just both mad at each other and making irrational decisions… Ok back to the “final” break up, it was caused by constant fighting. The fights didn’t really start until like our 8th month. They were just one of those stupid silly little fights caused by him saying something immature, I take it the wrong way, i start getting upset, he gets worked up, I get mad because he got pissed off. Those fights only lasted for an hour, but we fought too much I guess… Around probably 5-8 times a month within 2 months.. Well when we broke up it was both hard for us.. From what I saw, he seemed determined to stick by his decision.. Now, we’re in the friend zone. We seem happier now since we already got through the whole post-breakup phase. Not really awkward as it was (or at least it doesn’t seem like it).. Well as usual, I have that feeling of wanting to keep talking to him but I can’t… Sometimes he talks to me but we both try to keep the conversations casual. I’m getting mixed signals (the push-pull thing)… well now him and I are in the better “friend zone”.. And by that I mean we talked more and even put smiley faces when we talk but he still seem not in the “getting back together” decision and when we are like physically around each other there’s still taking but very limited words said like he doesn’t wanna get into too serious talks and he avoids looking at me directly and some distance between us as well.. He said we both need to mature first before getting back in the relationship.. (we’re both 16 so in my defense, I don’t know how long before we grow “mature” enough..) Sometimes we even talk like nothing happened and we both smile and laugh and have fun but that’s kinda rare now.. Honestly it felt good because we have some contact. He posts stuff on facebook too. He talks to me there.. Basically we’re in the “I’d rather have you as a friend than nothing at all” phase… In my mind all I wantfor Christmas is HIM.. not even go back to the way we were but start over for a better, more improved relationship now that we’re aware of the constant fighting as the biggest problem. I’ve asked him a couple of times out of pure, stupid, depressed impulse if we’re ever going back together and I’ve even said that I’m willing to give it another shot… I guess he’s scared to get involved again because of those fights because they really hurt him. I feel like he still has feelings (might not be as strong as before) but he’s pulling back… That’s what’s upsetting me most. I miss him like crazy.. I’ve had harsher, much much MUCH worse breakups in the past yet this is the ONLY guy I can’t seem to let go. I really fell for him. The first and last time I was hurt this bad was my very first boyfriend, we lasted 7 months so it’s pretty natural for a new teenager to “fall in love” really bad with their first boyfriend. That was when I was in 6th grade…. 4 YEARS AGO. I need to keep the sparks there, keep the chance open and slowly get this chance of getting back together bigger and bigger IF I KNEW HOW.. I’m his first love, I would know because we were such great BEST friends before.. He’s the silent type (he’s pretty loud but what I meant is NO ONE really knows his true feelings. He prefers to keep to himself when it came to emotions) of course when we were together he told me everything. I just need guidance on what’s really going on because quite frankly I have not really been in this position because I used to always choose to find a rebound guy. I know it sounds bad but that was my way on keeping myself from hurting.. I feel like if I move on, he’ll get jealous BUT then realize later on that i’m not worth it since I moved on from him.. That’s a NO NO. on the other hand I feel like if I wait and wait and wait, he’ll see that I’m crazy about him and he’ll be more pushed back because he wouldn’t want a clingy girl who’d “die” if she lost him.. You know what I mean?
****ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED********************
Well me and Stephanie started talking around the middle of August. She was halfway dating someone at the time and we were just friends then began kissing but nothing more. Eventually we became sexually active and she was still with her bf however distancing herself emotionally. Eventually he found out she was cheating on him and they stopped interacting in that way. We are 8 years apart i am 21 and she is 29 with a 7 yr old son. Everything was going smoothly overall she said we were just having fun however feelings began to develop on both sides they just weren’t exactly expressed. The only time she referred to me as baby was when she was highly intoxicated. She said she was scared of becoming attached because she didnt want to get hurt. She would show jealousy however and it felt like a relationship. i began spending the night at her house frequently granted she stays down the street from me. we had conflict when i started to say things like so what do you call me to your friends and she said my guy which gives room for interpretation. Then i began teasing her refferring to us as friends and she said if you want to just be friends thats what we can be, the people that know were together or w/e know and those that dont, dont need to. I think the age difference gave reason for her being hesitant to be open with the nature or our relationship becuase she said she didnt want to hear people run their mouths about it. She started to say that she was feeling colder towards me and it just had the friend vibe. I distanced myself somewhat which had bad results of her saying it just made her colder. I was telling her that she started feeling colder when I brought to light how much we were involved which i think scared her so one night we were talking seriously in a way i was pleading my case and she said call her back in 10 minutes. I did and she didnt anser so I hung out with a friend named Tiffany and she tagged me as being with her on Facebook which made Stephanie post pics of her dancing with guys from the nite before and then delete me sending a message saying stay single maybe Tiffany will let you have sex. The reaction didnt make sense if she had no romantic feelings for me. I waited a few days then texted her happy thanxgiving which she had a warm response. I then wrote a 3-4 page poem explaining how i saw things with her and us and put it in her mailbox. I saw her on the street and gave her a hug and chit chatted then when she was leaving on the bus i said Check your mail. she then called and asked what had i said and after telling her she continuted to talk then said she call me back. She did however i wasnt home and returned her call 3 hours later when she said i called u back when i said i would i said i had stepped out. She then asked what i was doing and I told her going to the movies and she said oh with Tiffany? i said naw your funny and she said how im just asking I figured you would. Then shortly after that we hung up. I Texted her that Monday to walk her home from the train because she gets off work late and she disregaured the offer and replied your poem was sweet. I said sometimes you got to speak from the heart and i felt that things needed to be said and even thought about when she replied you did what you wanted its all good. I knew she meant hanging out with Tiffany however I asked if she was talking about the letter and she said yea you good how was the movie i said would have been better if I went with you, She ignored that and replied to me telling her i went to another movie with my parents and she said you should have took Tiffany. I said shes just a friend why would I take her to a romantic comedy. She said you went with your parents why not? Mind you she was spelling her name wrong and when I replied I spelled it correctly by capitalizing the letter she misspelled telling her I don’t bring girls around my family unless they are special (she has met my family) and she replied with Ok you could have been like mom this is my friend Tiffany and spelled her name wrong again. I stopped texting at that point and ran into her 5 days later and she said something to my mom who was a block ahead of me along the lines of your son is right behind you I just kind of nodded at her and said hi to her son. I then called her 2 hours after seeing her and told her to call me when she was done helping her son with Homework she said Ok I will and never did. 3 days ago I was in the neighborhood store which is on a block she hates to go on however i am usually in front of the store in the morning smoking a cigarette and she knows this, when I went outside I saw that she was 3 blocks down the street on the one she hates on the same side of the block as the store. At first I thought she did that to avoid me because we get on the same train stop in the morning or maybe she wanted to get a coffee which was in the direction she was headed but she doesn’t like that street. I don’t know if she was trying to run into me or just coincidence. Please Let me Know what I should Do Or what you think she is doing/ thinking. The Jeolousy and bringing up of Tiffany’s name to me shows she does infact have feelings she just bottles them and then she called twice that one day again opinions appreciated….Thanx
hi ashley my ex boyfriend of 3 years ended it 2 months ago the 1st month he was constantly contacting me and even said he wanted 2 work at things but a few days later said he was just saying that whenever we had seen eachother out we would kiss each other and all our friends would think we were back together.? its been about 3 and a half or 4 weeks since he’s stopped the texting we met up 3 weeks ago so we could talk about how not to be awkward with each other as we have the same friends and when he was walking me home he put his arm around me was hugging me saying he didnt want to let go told me he loved me n then just last week end he said their was no future for us just after all that its been 2motnhs like i said iv’e tryed no contact but how can i do no contact with some one who isn’t contacting me? please help.!
My boyfriend is European. He lived with me in the States for sometime (5 months) and I moved to Europe and lived there for about 5 months. We’ve been together one year and a half. I came back to the States 3 weeks ago. Everything was fine, until all of a sudden, he just stopped calling, doesn’t return my emails…nothing. He was planning on coming here in 2 months and we were to take a residence together. I’ve been married before, he has not. I know he still loves me, but I don’t understand the abrupt disconnect. It’s only been one week since we’ve spoke. I am devastated. He told me he wanted a life with me. I actually got pregnant (was NOT expecting that), but lost the baby while in Europe. We’ve been through a lot together. How should I handle this?
It’s all just totally wacky emotions all this relationship stuff isn’t it ?
Every day, is just more weird behaviour added on to a long line of crazy stuff.
I have a g/f living with me, who behaves like an anxious Mom, constantly wondering where I am, cooking and cleaning relentlessly, making the same comments, watching and acting like i’m a child.
Yet also disregards every damned thing that is wrong. the next time we argue and she leaves, that has to be it. Foot down time, gotta change the locks, and keep strong about it. It’s not a life of loving and fun, I feel like an old man in a nursing home, being fed whats given, and told where to go and when, then sulked near when I go out to work.
I wish I could wind back time a couple of years. This is so pathetic an existence, but how do you dump somebody with the intellect of a 10 year old child ? Its all gone insane, i’d only advice people now to just stay alone and do nothing more than be friends but never let anybody stay with you – its a first step to self destruction from what I can tell
My ex recently broke up w/ me on Dec 13. I know it’s too soon to try to get them back but I really love them and I want to be w/ them more than anything. They broke up w/ me because I constantly did something that they didn’t like. I want to show them that I can change and that I am willing to working this out. I’m not gonna be able to move on w/o them (yes I know how that sounds). I was told to give them space and if they really loved me they would come back. I was also told to send them flowers to show them that I still care. I just want to know how true that is and what I should do. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Well I have got to say I agree with not contacting an ex after a break up, esp if you were broken up with. But the whole letter writing seems to negate the moving on with your life bit. The best thing to do after a break up is to work through the emotions – go to a therapist if you feel you must, use anti-depressants, speak to family, get on a dating site, make new friends or go out with existing friends – basically ANYTHING that takes your mind off your ex and the break-up.
I guess this tactic could work on some people, but also keep in mind that if you have an ex who suffers from a personality disorder, such as narcississm, it is HIGHLY unlikely that a tactic of this nature will work.
If you have been broken up with realise that he/she is not worth getting back as you will always wonder when he/she will break it off again. You are going to have to keep up these games constantly once you have him/her back and it will get tiring. If somebody is right for you you should not have to tread on egg-shells to get or keep their attention.
I am so happy to inform you that my boy friend and I got back together on Sunday. I don’t think that things would have worked out the way they did if I hadn’t done the leave my man alone spell. I think by doing so, it allowed him to realize and remember how wonderfully happy we made each other, better yet it made (I know not literally made but you know what I mean) miss it so much to nearly break down into tears twice in public when he was trying to tell me about it. Thanks to Dr (gbocotemple@yahoo.com)…….sally
Thanks Ashley your amazing!!
Although i twisted a few things when getting him back,it was fun,kept me busy and now he’s on his knees xDD
I tried half of the ‘How to get over him’ and then i did half of the ‘How to get him back’.This has given me strength and now it’s got to a point where he wont leave me alone,i even get text messages in the middle of the night at 2am with him saying “hey babe,i cant sleep” (this wakes me up)
but im still a tiny bit worried because he may seem crazy about me,but i dont want this to fall apart again.I dont want him to break up with me (like he did when i needed emotional help) and i dont want to have to break up with him (because he cheated on me at a party again)
Got any clues?
Gosh, Julia is so right!! However, what if both parties are slightly narccisstic? I mean, doesn’t that mean the games may never end? My ex and I are both a little narccisstic and pig headed. We were together for about 3 years. Him and I would break up, then get back together, then break up again. The last time it “ended”, he was the one who dumped me because apparently he felt like he was only with me out of guilt for all the crap we went through while I was pregnant (not his baby by the way), which he knew about. I told him a million times that he was free to get up and leave anytime he felt like it was getting to be too overwhelming for him. He chose to stay every single time I asked him what he was feeling when I sensed something was bothering him. Every damn time. So anyway, when he broke up with me, he moved to a different state to get away from all the drama between us, yet he would still respond to my texts and we would have decent conversations half the time. The other half was us bitching each other out, yelling, belittling one another saying how much we hated each other. We would both say “oh my god, go away already. Stop texting/calling me! You repulse me! You’re pathetic and weak. F you! Get out of my life! I don’t want you so move on!” All the time……..Then we wouldn’t talk for a few months at a time. Then the crap would start again. Vicious cycle, I know, it was torture. About two months ago, I stopped responding to his random texts completely because I finally got my wakeup call after going back and forth sleeping with him, then cutting off ties, then sleeping with him, then cutting off ties. Yikes right! So much drama, it was unbarable. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, eventhough I have definitely moved on and I no longer dwell on the past, I find myself wondering why my ex still texts me at random times saying ridiculous childish things? He leaves me scratching my head like “huh? did i miss something here? is he being sarcastic or what?” He asks for sexy pictures and I just ignore him. He says he can’t freakin stand me, yet he still takes time out of his stupid life to send me dumb texts? Yeah, I read the texts, but I always just delete them and never reply. If he hates me, then why does he bother? Why won’t he just let it go? Is it because he knows I don’t need him for me to survive? I’m not helpless. But maybe he thinks I am? Like WTF! The last thing he said to me was “Oh, so it took me leaving you for you to get your shit together?” just because I decided to break the no contact rule ONCE to reply to a question he asked me. Initially he had asked me if I ever wondered what our lives would be like together if none of our problems ever arose……I simply said “NO, I’m very happy and content with my life, happier than I’ve ever been. Now would you please grow up and stop texting me.” That’s when he said “Oh, so it took me leaving you for you to get your shit together?” I of course was flabbergasted!! I said “don’t flatter yourself. Getting my shit together has nothing to do with it. It took you leaving for me to realize how much happier I am without you, and now that I have finally moved on, you can’t stand it so knock it off. I’m doing awesome for myself and you can’t stand that either, I do not need you. Deal with it. Bye” What else should I have done?
P.S. I guess yeah I did really want him back in the beginning when he last left. I was trying to get his attention ANY way I could. I do admit, I did text him first most of the time telling him I had changed for the better and I kept asking him to let me prove it to him. Prove to him how much my attitude had improved. He would respond telling me it just would never work between us. Yup, it was hard to let go, but I DID IT!! Slowly, but surely, I let go of everything. I do still care about him, but I don’t ever want to get back together. I think he still wants me though and he probably will never admit it. Whatever. Lol. I’m done with him. I stopped tryin awhile ago.
I can confirm this definately works but be paitient; and this is early stages,
Ok girlfriend broke up with me 1 week ago, sent her an email 3 days later with no contact between saying I accept the break up, and I have exciting and new opportunities coming up and this weekend I will be catching up with an old friend,and call me if you wish I ain’t fussed…
Anyhow I did go out with a friend, another girl and posted her and my pics on facebook and we did have a good time…
Couple of days after she messages me and says looks like your having a good time, with me replying yes I am, and loving it.
So we caught up today and she asks me all these questions about this girl I went out with over the weekend, if I kissed her, I told her she has invited me out again, and the look on her face… priceless…
This is the early stages.. as article says, you have to be mentally strong, convince yourself you will move on… this process can take a number of weeks though
Hi my name is Angelika. My boyfriend and I just broke up, but he told me that we didn’t break up cause he didn’t like me he just wanted a break so I thought everything would be fine but in just two days he found another girl and didn’t tell be about it, I heard it from his friend. there not going out but it hurt me cause I thought he still liked me and I wasn’t thinking and told him how much I liked him and was apologizing to him and now he is done with me and wants nothing to do with me. Then I deleted him off my friend on Facebook and he asked me about it and we got in another fight. And he was so happy that we were done. Idk what to do I like him so much and everyone is telling me to let go cause he moved on but i still think there is a chance for us. But my friend texted him asking hows the girl problem and he said he is so happy I finally stopped texting him. I feel like there is no more hope for me and I’ve cried for 7 days straight I didn’t eat hardly at all and I lost 10 pounds from this whole thing I just want this to be over and I didn’t want to hurt him I just want us to be back together with him. He will neer like me again there is no more hope for me.
I was with a guy for 4 years and he love me more than anything in this
world,suddenly he was behaving strange and he ask me to stay away from him
and went with another girl,i was so confused so i order a spell from
Dr.malolo and he gave me a returning spell.After four day he called me and
apologize for the mistake he made.i must share this testimony to every
body is really grate
interesting…who is dr.malolo?maybe he could help me too
She sent me a text message saying sorry for the breakup and wants to be friends. I made this and she wrote back ” then that’s good ..:) be happy “.
What should I do now ? Please answer my heart is broken
Hi, my name is Sals, am Nigerian. i dated my ex for 2 years, bu recently he was pestering me about getting married, told him next year, he did not totally agree to dat. bu dis year is gone so next was later fine, when we started making plans for the wedding i noticed he was drawing back nd he said he was a little nervous abt it and not sure if he wanted to get married. he started acting up dat he has not made up his mind to get married to me. 4 weeks ago i noticed he wanted to draw back so i held on (know iwas wrong den mayb i shld not av) some days later he says he loves me no more nd dat gave a lst of things hes not ok with me. then he stopd calling at dat point i also stopped calling. we have not spoken in 2 weeks. and am so certain he has a new babe. what should i do.
Someone please help me out. My ex and I dated for 3.5 years. He was such a sweetheart in the beginning of our relationship. All his past girlfriends lasted no more than 3 months total he said, but ours lasted much longer. During our relationship together he told me I was the only girl he ever wanted to marry, that he was happy to have found me, that he wanted to have my children, etc.
Then 2.5 years into the relationship he wanted to break up with me around my birthday (great timing, I know). His reasoning at THAT TIME was due to the fact that he had no car, no job, no college education, and basically was going no where in life. I begged him at that time for us to stay together, especially because it was my 21st birthday for God’s sake! So we ended up going on a week break instead and he apologized and said he was really sorry for doing what he did to me around my birthday and the he did not want to break up with me.
Then he went into the Navy about a year later (which was just this past September). So I thought this was terrific because he was finally doing something with his life. He was creating a future, unlike last year when he wasn’t doing anything and nearly broke up with me. During his time in boot camp he wrote me love letter, after love letter, after love letter for the entire 2 months he was in boot camp. I wrote him in return, responding to every single letter. In his letters he told me things like “You are now a member of my family, I want to get engaged, I feel we should get a joint bank account together, we need to get our own place together” and on top of it all he also told me “My friends haven’t written me a single letter and I am kind of upset, but I am happy that I at least have my family and you writing me. That’s all I need in life”
On his graduation day he got me a nice little gift (a bracelet) for his family to take back home to me. I wanted to go to his graduation, but I’m in dental hygiene school so I unfortunately could not go. Nontheless, he still got me a gift and I thanked him for it when I got it. I should add that I gave him a nice little gift as well that his parents gave to him on that same day (it was just cookies, his favorite candy, and some chocolate since he couldn’t take it back to base so it had to be edible stuff only).
So there I was from September until early November (his boot camp months), thinking to myself ‘Wow, this is going terrific between us. He’s in the Navy and I am currently in college. Our future is set!’
Then literally 6 days after he graduated is when I got a really nasty phone call from him out of the clear blue. He told me he no longer loved me, that I never initiated sex (or at least I never initiated in HIS way I should say … when I want sex I just say it, but he didn’t feel asking for it was enough … he wanted me to rip off his clothes I suppose and be wild, but I’m not like that), he said I was BORING, etc. Yet, get this, he still wants to be my friend!?!? He posted on his facebook status IMMEDIATELY after our break up “broke up with *my name* done and done!” … Following his facebook status he wrote he was “relieved” and “happy to be single with a great body like this” and he even allowed his other friends to insult me by saying “she was an awkward girl anyway” etc. I was HURT LIKE HELL!!!! He wants friendship and I have TRIED, but I feel as though I do not know him anymore. He has changed so much. Prior to the Navy he would not have done this to his worst enemies, but he did it to me. He did it to the girl he loved for 3 years.
I am asking how to get closure out of this? I was hoping for some type of an apology from him, but he hasn’t given me one really. He just says “it was for the best. I just wanted it to end” but I’m so hurt. I feel as though someone just ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I am currently in no contact mode with him and he has since sent me 2 text messages to ask me “Hey, how is your day going?” and that’s about it. I answered him, but this friendship is just so hard. I feel if I wrote him a letter, expressing why I can’t do friendship that it’ll put closure to this so I can move on. I’m just still in shock that the man who acted like he loved me put an abrupt end to it. He just hurts me and he once asked me for ex sex when he goes on leave, so I feel as though I’m being used. I will NEVER give him ex sex and told him I only have sex in a relationship. Like I said, I feel used.
Should I write a letter to him, telling him exactly how I feel so I can get closure?
Wow, that’s a really messed up thing he did to you! How cruel. He MUSTVE had another woman on the side. That’s just what I think. Guys are super sweet, caring, loving, and then out of nowhere they act like they’re better than you. Puhlease! Your story is one of saddest ones I’ve ever read. That guy sounds like a total self absorbed douchebag who has an oversized ego. Don’t stroke it. Lol. Anyway, you said you are sticking to the no contact rule, yet right after you said that, you said that he texts you and asks how you are doing and that you do, in fact, REPLY! Like what is that all about. Its not considered to be “no contact” if you’re answering his texts to you. Even if those texts from him are once in a blue moon, DON’T REPLY! Ignore him. You may be hurt, sad, angry, confused, but don’t let him humiliate you because HE WILL! He will accomplish this by telling his friends that he texted you KNOWING you would answer back eventhough you probably told him you would no longer contact him. He will most likely make jokes and just talk shit about how desperate he thinks you are. I don’t think you are desperate whatsoever, but I really think you’re feeding into his games if he is still texting you every once in a great while. Stay strong. If I’m wrong about anything, please feel free to correct any of my statements or assumptions. I just want to help you.
Hello again. What I meant by no contact was more along the lines of the fact that I never initiated contact with him. I was doing some research and one website says it is best to avoid contact, but if he does contact you to answer him in a very matter of fact sort of way. I don’t know what’s better. My head has been spinning as of late. I’m still so very hurt after all of this. I don’t understand how a man can do all those things that show love and then out of nowhere be so cruel to you. I just don’t understand it and to be honest I fear getting into any future relationships after this. I worry it will happen again where a man will tell me he wants marriage, and then all of the sudden split one day.
Anyway, ever since the Navy he has built a huge male ego. He constantly goes on about his body and how fit he is after boot camp. He was not like this at all prior to the Navy, trust me! I really miss my old boyfriend, the one who wasn’t so cocky if you know what I mean.
See, that’s the problem with your situation. Well, mostly. I mean, it sounds to me like he had low self esteem before you even got with him, and then when he came out of the Navy his head got really big because his appearance changed. I can almost bet that he was thinking “wow, look at my hot body now. I think ill see what else is out there because I’m a superficial asshole and I ain’t settling, even if I know I love my girlfriend.” Not to sound mean, but that ONE website is wrong. If he tries to initiate contact, you should never respond because that’s exactlyy what he wants. He knows you’re hurting and he must think its funny to see just how much he can hurt you. And seriously, no contact neans absolutely ZERO CONTACT. You should not care one bit about how he feels if you don’t respond to him. Are you afraid to hurt his feelings or what? You need to think about YOU! He hurt YOU! I do empathize with you, but for what its worth, you know you’re better than the way he has treated you. Don’t feed into his mind games. He’s clearly a total dick who’s only thinking with exactly that…..his dick! Lol. I bet he has some type of std. Haha. He doesn’t deserve you. And believe me, I’m kind of in the same shoes with the marriage and having a family thing….I’m always worried if every single guy I come across will turn out to be the biggest liar I’ve ever met. I don’t trust anyone because like you, my ex left me pretty much out of the blue, it was just under different circumstances. One day he loved me, the next he was burnin rubber and dumped me. Oh well, life goes on and so will yours. If there’s any other advice I can give then by all means, ask me if you want. I’m always happy to listen. Guys are friggin idiots!
I agree. Men suck. If they only want one thing then they should completely avoid relationships all together from the get go. When I look back on things there were times where he was a sweetheart, but there were other times where he made weird comments that angered me. For instance, he once told me that if we had children he would have our childrens names tatooed on him, but not mine. Shows a lack in faith in our relationship, right? I guess I should be thankful we never had kids together.
There was also a time where he told me I’d have beautiful kids, even if it’s with another man in case he and I don’t work out. This was WHILE we were dating! And he was serious. He just has such weird comments. Again this showed a lack in faith in our relationship.
Oh well, at least I know what to avoid next time in the next relationship. And I will follow the no contact rule this time so I can move on. I really hope I meet a REAL MAN one day, if you know what I mean. A man who is able to commit to one woman and be happy with her I mean.
Sallycat,
This person is not worth your time. He is a loser, a creep and an arsehole. You are so much better off without this person in your life. Meet someone new.
The “No Contact rule” is a definite if there is any chance of reconciliation between couples who have broken up. My fiance left me a little over 2 months ago. I was in really bad shape emotionally and mentally, but I knew if I would have contacted him right after he dumped me, a 2nd rejection would have pushed me over the edge, so I just left it alone.
I sent him a text about a month ago and all it said was “Hi”. I left it open to him to respond and if not I would have known there was no hope. He texted me back the next day with “Hi” and that was the opening I was praying for. He was in the area, said he would buy me a soda if I would meet him. We met up, got to talking and have been back together almost a month now. We had time to see what was wrong in our relationship before that caused the break up. We haven’t “started over”, we’ve made a “new beginning”.
I believe we will be happily married by this time next year. Thank you Ashley. I wasn’t able to buy your whole series, sorry, but money was a BIG issue. Just the small tips, and tricks you provided for free helped me get back the man I love. If I hadn’t read the part about “NC”, I would have probably blown the whole thing and drove him away for good.
Good luck to all those who are hurting. Try to follow Ashley’s advice, since she seems to know what she’s talking about. If your relationship is meant to be, it will happen. If not, work hard to move on and find a happiness with someone who will love and appreciate you like you deserve.
I am Neha here.
I was in a relationship with a guy since last 3 yrs. We liked and love each other a lot. He was very possessive for me and cares a lot for me. His family don’t likes me, and were planing for marrying by end of this year. We had a fight 3 months ago for a very stupid reason. he create an issue out of that n stopped talk to me, he stopped calling me. even I was angry so even I didnt call him for 2 weeks. N after that I got insured and start calling him and messaging him. but he replied me that he don’t want things back now. Since then I am calling him crying n messaging him but he is not responding and saying I don’t want this relation. Then I stop callg him or messaging him. I done that for a week. But Recently I come to know that he is trying for other girls might be he is in a relation with someone. Please help me out tell me wat should I do. I can’t live without him…. Please Please Please help me out urgently I really love him but he dont any more… I don’t understand how could a man who is loves me so much can leave me like this and is not caring abt me…
Please reply me ASAP. Please help me
Thanks
This makes the assumption that your ex really cares what your doing in the first place. Most don’t and will see through this b.s. attempt and you won’t get any response back anyway. It may be just me, but trying to get somebody back by using “tricks” is no way to have a healthy relationship. Here is what works; they dumped you, so disappear, don’t contact them, keep your dignity and self respect. As hard as it may be, work on improving your life without your ex. Evaluate what went wrong and what role you played in the relationship failing, work on that…for you…not your ex. If they decide to change their mind they know how to get in touch with you and they will. And if they do, just stop playing games.
Hi my situation is rather unique and I’d greatly appreciate no judgement…
To keep it short, February of 2011 I met a guy in my majors program. I had gotten out of a very emotionally draining relationship a year before this that had really changed my perspective on love. For once I didn’t want to be in a relationship, I didn’t even believe on love anymore. And I was a person that had lived for love, passion…
When I met this guy I had an intuitive gut feeling, if you will, that made me feel like he was someone I would end up with. Because of what I had been though and my changing beliefs I really rejected my gut feeling. To the point where I’d be resentful that I couldn’t shake this belief off. This was not a biased feeling whatsoever.
But he was a really nice guy and we became friends and maybe a little more than friends if you catch my drift. He was always helping me and been a friend. I felt like he was interested but reserved because we are kind of opposites and I did reject him a lot and made it more about the benefits to avoid my own feelings.
June I confessed I wanted more… I finally gave into myself. Unfortunately at this time he was finding himself a gf. The first month they were dating was chaotic because. He seemed really confused and didn’t know what he wanted but I think he put a lot of emphasis on our differences. We didn’t see each other for a month and a half. When we met up he told me after the fact thatch missed me and it seemed to have reignited something in him because before he got back from his week long out of country volunteer program he was already trying to make plans with me for when he got back. When he got back, something happened… Idk what but we didn’t end up hanging out.
Until the end of august he agreed to help me move into my new apartment. We also had a class together that semester. I am ashamed to admit this bc I never thought I’d do such a thing… But we cheated together a couple of times.
We tried to remain friends and he doesn’t seem like he wants to cut me out but lately since the last time we hooked up he seemed regretful and he has always been a busy person with work and life. But I also deleted my fb and school is over so contact has been a bit minimal anyways…
I know what you will all say. Why be with someone who has cheated when he may as well cheat on you. I’d like to skip all of this because I have thought long and hard about the consequences of getting into a relationship him the opportunity arises. I am prepared and willing. That is my own judgement call and decision, and like to leave it at that.
But in regards to this forum… Could no contact help me get him back? And back as more than what we were?
I’m scared to write him a letter because we have had conversations in the past where he just gets defensive and resistant and thinks I’m only convincing him. And perhaps to an extent I was… I truly feel that him being in a relationship is a major part in why communication is hard between us. I also feel strongly his relationship is based off of fear, insecure, and because it’s predictable.
I really know that once. We get through some barriers, our relationship can be great. I really don’t know what to do to get him back =’( I love him…
A letter and no contact? Then what?
Please help
Like any break-up, the story is a long one because there are so many nuances and context. My girlfriend broke up with me on Dec 19, two days before she flew out for the holidays. I was not going and she said she understood (essentially, and this is a character flaw I admit, but I didn’t think I would be too comfortable spending Christmas with her family with less than a year under our belt together. The fact that we were together for 10 months should have allowed me some flexibility, I know, but as I said, we talked it over and although she said she didn’t need that kind of “marker of time”, she was fine with it and we had it all planned that I would look after her dog during this time). The long and the short of it is that she said that she did not want me to take this personally, but “you did nothing wrong”. She said that she had been thinking about it for the past couple of months and that she thought that there should be “something more” and that she couldn’t see us in the future. She also said that she’s freaked out in the past with other guys but “I don’t think I’m freaking out this time”.
Now the context. She will be 34 and I will be 41, both turning in February. The ‘three little words’ were never uttered between us but we had our ways of letting each other know how much we “really liked” each other. Perhaps both of us were waiting for the other to say it? I do not doubt for a second that she didn’t love me through much of our time together as I do not doubt my love for her. Chalk this one up to two frightened people who see the future coming at them, perhaps? I don’t know.
The problem is this: On the advice of a couple of friends, as well as confirmed by another couple of friends after the fact, I wrote her a handwritten letter and left it in her mailbox for when she returned earlier this week. I did not want it to be a “please take me back” letter, with the requisite begging and apologies. Rather, I wanted it to be focused solely on my feelings for her that I had wanted to say for a long time but was waiting for the right moment to say (And before anyone answers, I answered that question in my letter by saying that it’s obvious to me now that “any time is the perfect time”. Again, this is part of my need for time “markers” so I do have a lot to apologize for.). My hypothesis was that with all the pressures she was facing in the last couple of months including: the anniversary of her Mother’s passing, serious financial and interpersonal pressures due to incidents with her dog, starting a new set of work responsibilities at another location, plus it being Christmastime, on top of that, she may have felt as if she didn’t know where she stood with me and may have felt that I wasn’t serious or committed enough. In other words, she may not have known where she stood with me and, rather than talk it through, she decided to get rid of the easiest and easist-replacable thing, namely me. My letter outlined all that I felt with respect to her and our future together, including family.
I left the letter in her mailbox without any expection of receiving a response. I don’t know why, I just didn’t. And I haven’t. As you can imagine, that part is killing me. But as all my confidants have said, and they have been unanimous in this, it was exactly the right thing to do to state how I felt, clearly and without ambiguity. They also said, unanimously (these are all separate conversations too) that there could be no more contact from me and that if she responds it will be on her time. However, it was pointed out, now she knows. And if there were ever any doubts in her mind, they have (hopefully) been exorcised.
I realize that my missive may have been seen as a desperate act by a hurt man. I get that. And up to a point, that’s correct. After all, nothing focuses the mind like an execution in the morning. But, and this cannot be stressed enough, these are all things that I have felt and thought and was going to spell out and confess in the very, very near future. Which is to say in the first few days and weeks of the year. But now, it has been ripped from me and although I’m told I did nothing wrong, I know I must have. For the record, we never once argued/fought. There was some moodiness, at times, but that’s to be expected. I’m sure I’m leaving out a few other negative moments but I mention that only to buttress the point that they were minor in nature and not full blown rows.
I’m not even sure I have a question to ask of anyone. This writing has been rather cathartic so for that, I thank anyone who takes the time to read. It wasn’t easy and, despite my attempts at brevity, it’s still a fairly lengthy message. I guess if anyone has any thoughts they can share, they would be appreciated. I have been through my share of heartache in my life (never married) but I truly, truly believed that I had stumbled upon happiness. For awhile there, I dare say, so did she. But I guess I just wasn’t enough. And that’s the part that kills me.
my bf and I were together for 7 years and he broke up with me about 10 months ago. we have had other break ups before (a couple) and have gotten back together after like a month or so. The previous break ups all happened after our friend (his very close friend) committed suicide about a year and a half ago and my bf has not really dealt with it yet.
” on the pic. One email has the colored picture and one has a black and while pic, same pic, same words. and there was one email to her with no text, just the subject “love you”!!! Do you think he is in love with this new person now? she is not here, she is long distance but i have seen him text people when we’re out with friends. What do you think i should do??? I really want him back. it was 7 years 
( and i love him soo much.
we kept in touch while broken up even when i went overseas to visit my dad for 5 months we sent each other fb msgs including bday wishes and even flirted a bit like when we first started going out. I called him twice when i was away. The 1st time was very casual and comfortable and the 2nd time i brought up getting back together and how i could see some of my stuff that bugged him. he basically said to me that we have given this thing enough chances and that its not fair for me to come back after 4-5 months and getting him all confused again. I told him that the chances we gave each other were too soon cuz we never had the chance to reflect back and that i just want to him to think about it. at the end of the convo (i think as a last resort) he said he is dating someone. I acted completely cool with it and said i’m sure she’s nice but she’ll never be what i was to you, just like no guy will ever be what you were to me. i also told him that while being away i met someone (a friend) who had all the stuff i always wanted him to have (be able to argue about everything! yeah i know! but i wanna be a lawyer so…) but it was not attractive to me anymore and made me realize what i had was in fact what i wanted. After our convo he went to fb and changed his relationship status to “in a relationship” which is so weird that all of a sudden you’re doing this! So I have been back home for about 3 months now. We keep in casual contact like every week or so we text each other to see how the other is doing but i never brought up getting back together again. I have seen him about 7-8 times now, most of it was his idea.Once i gave him a whole bunch of stuff i had brought back for him to let him know i was thinking about him. He loved all of it. I have seen him with friends and also alone. He always seems to want to make the night longer. It starts with meeting up and leads to dinner and then coffee… this is usually when we’re with friends. He still pays for my food, we share food and sit next to eachother. I’ve been told that to other people it looks the same as it always did, like we’re still dating! When we’re alone he seems very comfortable like usual, he has played with my hair commenting on the fact that i had straightened it (i have naturally curly hair), he has smacked me on my ass or bit my ass as a joke, he has ticked me, sat on top of me and grabbed my boobs as a joke while i’m lying on his bed (and i could tell he was excited if u know what i mean!!), and now last week when i took him some coffee while he was at work, we were saying goodbye and he kissed me on the lips, very quick, more like a peck like he usually does when he says goodbye. I thought it was a reflex and i looked to see if he’ll get nervous or apologize but he just smiled, held my hand for a sec and walked off. A couple of days later he texted me again and we met up for coffee, he was very casual, commented on my boobs and bra as a joke but then something happened. He walked off to take a phone call and i had his ipod. I clicked on his mail and found a couple of emails from a girl with a picture of her with the words “Love you, i’m sorry
Also you should know that i am 28 and he is 26. He hasn’t found himself yet, doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life which is one of the reasons he gave me for breaking up. He doesn’t wanna hold me back (bullshit!!!). This guy is so bad at talking and communicating so i’m afraid if i say anything to him about wanting to be back again he’ll just say no and that’ll push him back 20 steps. he has also commented on fb after seeing me one night that being in love is so hard and you shouldn’t fall in love cuz it f**s u over!! and basically how much he is hurting!! but he f***ing doesn’t do anything!! if you read his statuses it sounds more like i cheated on him and left him with a broken hard which is absolutely not true!!! my friends think he needs to play the field before coming back cuz he didn’t really date before dating me when he was 18. i’m also really close with his family especially his sister.
anyways… please tell me what u think i should do… i really need to get him back…
Hi All,
I don’t know if my experiences will help anyone, but here’s my two cents. The last guy I dated was only 4 months, but he had broken up with me 3 times with the same reason “he lost his interest/feelings”. In retrospect, I had treated him too well and he lost interest as the challenge was over. The first time he brought it up, which was only 2 months in, I walked away right when he said it. He came back 2 days later regretting the decision. One month later he wanted to break up again for the same reason. I was a bi