24 August 2010 ~ 331 Comments

Is Your Ex Seeing Someone Else? Here’s Why It’s Not Over Yet

Is your ex seeing someone else?

One of the most common reasons people feel hopeless after a break up is due to an ex having feelings for someone else or dating someone else.

It can be extremely heartbreaking and overwhelming.

In this video I’ll reveal:

  • Why this is not the end of the world and not nearly as “hopeless” as you may first think.
  • What your ex is actually doing when they get themselves involved so quickly after a break up. (This is not some coincidence).
  • What you must NOT do if you still want a chance to get your ex back. (this is where 99% of people get it wrong!)
  • How to reverse the effect of “being left behind”, so your Ex is the one regretting leaving you!

Hope you enjoy it :)


P.S. Click Here For A Plan to Win Them Back Even If They’re Seeing Someone Else

331 Responses to “Is Your Ex Seeing Someone Else? Here’s Why It’s Not Over Yet”

  1. alison 24 August 2010 at 12:54 pm Permalink

    say he still comes to see u and he acts like things are still the same
    what then

    • Stephen 24 August 2010 at 3:03 pm Permalink

      that is the same problem I have.

    • Ashley Kay 24 August 2010 at 3:05 pm Permalink

      And he is with someone else? Ask him what he wants? He can’t have both.

      • layla 24 August 2010 at 3:49 pm Permalink

        same here. :(

      • alison 25 August 2010 at 3:58 am Permalink

        he just says hes tring to make us both happy he says alot of things sometimes i dont know what is going thought his mind . u see i cheated on him 20 years ago and i didnt tell him untill 2 years ago and thats when every thing went down hill for us

      • alison 25 August 2010 at 4:30 am Permalink

        i did that and he said he wants both of us but the the next day its some thing diffrent when i ask him something else

        • Ashley Kay 25 August 2010 at 9:19 am Permalink

          Like I said, he can’t have both. Either way he’ll need to choose.

          • alison 26 August 2010 at 3:17 pm Permalink

            he said no one is going to make him choose
            he says things to make me bad .i dont know if he is lieing or not when he says them because he will say one thing and then change it,like i says to him tell me if u love me and he`ll say i should know we`ve been married for 20 years

          • abigail 20 July 2011 at 6:09 am Permalink

            i really do like my ex and we havnt really been together for long before the assumed breakup..normally we argue a lot but its so obvious that we are really into each other.but due to trust issues.he suggested that we should just breakup and be friends for a while until we totally trust each other and we are ready to come back..initially i panicked and was always calling him,sending messages but he replied some and ignored others totally acting cold..i know he is still into me but i just want to be sure and get back with him.please what do i do

    • Bren 12 June 2012 at 6:52 pm Permalink


  2. Debbie Thackray 24 August 2010 at 1:46 pm Permalink

    Hi ashley
    Enjoyed the video. But can this rebound relationship explain the behaviour of my husband who has fallen in love with someone else through work an dleft me & our two kids? He is seeingher & as you say at a certain level of being madly deeply inlove. he intrduced my boys only after 1 week of leaving home. he i snow living seprately from me aand continuing to see her & introduce her to friends & family. Thi s is obvouisly very hurtful. i am tryingto ignore but because of teh chidren we have to communicate. Do you think he is working things through like you say? and he will coem to a point of realisation? we had been married 17 years aand didnt see thi scoming he ha snever don ethis before he is normally very loyal and i was his first real girlfriend. at first he told me that he hadn’t slept with her and it was anemotional affair it has escalated very rapidly since I threw him out 3 weeks ago having read his texts with her. Up until today i had wanted him back but now what he’s doing is unforgiveable and it is actually easier for me not to be clingy & desperate. I think I will give him 3 months & then I will have to know if this is temporary or permanent. Do you think this is still a rebound relationship? is thi steh noraml pocess of a marrried man too? is he working through hi sissues with her insteda of talking it through with me??

    • Ashley Kay 24 August 2010 at 2:48 pm Permalink

      Depends on how you broke up and how long it was after that he started to see her. If it was very quick, then it is likely a rebound as described in the video.

    • Bren 12 June 2012 at 7:31 pm Permalink


  3. Markis 24 August 2010 at 1:51 pm Permalink

    Hello. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up not too long ago, and I feel hopeless. I tried to do everything to get her back, but all I was push her away little by little. So I stopped. I don’t want to lose her, she means everything to me, and I want to stay with her. The problem is
    while we were together, guys kept flirting with her, and it made very
    jealous. She didn’t want to “hurt” them, because she’s too nice. Several months later, I learned that she was with another guy. I asked her to tell him that she was mine, but she refused. Saying that he’ll kill himself if she leaves him. This made me realize that she was being manipulated. After words, she came out of nowhere and said this:

    “Let us be just friends” :(

    This broke my heart, and I wanted to stay with her, but it was too late….even now, she’s in my mind, and I can’t seem to go through the day without thinking about her. I want her back, and I want those other guys to back off and get away from her. Please help me!

  4. Jessica 24 August 2010 at 2:24 pm Permalink

    Well it’s great advice but my ex just got married exactly a month and a week after he left me. That was his rebound, so now what.

    • Ashley Kay 24 August 2010 at 2:49 pm Permalink

      Do as mentioned in the video. Marriage after a month of leaving you is definitely not normal, and I doubt it will last.

      • Jessica 24 August 2010 at 3:11 pm Permalink

        Did I mention he told me he hated me and he is very much in love with his new wife, but has also told a few of my close friends that he still loves and cares for my son and I (not his son). But in the same sense he told me if I tried to contact him he would get a no contact order against me. I had only asked that he tell his new “wife” to stop spreading malicious rumours about me and to stop the lies.

        • Ashley Kay 24 August 2010 at 3:42 pm Permalink

          Like I said, it doesn’t matter what he does right now with her or how he acts with you.
          The more he claims he “hates” you, the more he is hurting and is trying to make up for that loss by marrying this other person and showing you how “in love” he is.
          Why would he even need to bother doing that if it’s the truth?
          Don’t worry about him or her, do the best you can to ignore them.
          People do crazy things when they are hurt, that’s what he is. Hurt and defensive.
          The best you can do is as mentioned in the video, lift your head high, smile and enjoy your life. Believe me it will definitely get to him.

          • Jessica 28 August 2010 at 10:58 am Permalink

            Thanks Ashley, well my head is held high and I started doing my artwork again and also my work with bands again, both of these things I gave up 6 mos after getting with him also I have the support of all my friends who are comming back around again,( and I have missed them). Alot of them were the ones who hung out while I was single and out of respect they quit hanging around so much. But things are looking up for us now.

  5. Michelle 24 August 2010 at 2:35 pm Permalink

    My ex started seeing somone he barely knew as soon as he dumped me. He moved in with her within 2 weeks time. It has been going on almost 4 months now. He did call or text about once a month until I made a huge mistake 3 weeks ago and slept with him on the promise that we were getting back together. This was our first face to face since the breakup. He was really nervous as first, so I know it wasn’t planned on his part; it just happened. Of course he backed out and I haven’t heard from him since. He told me that I still have his heart and that he doesn’t love her, and I do believe him. Whenever I have talked to him on the phone, he shared personal details inside of their relationship. He admitted to liking her for the things she has done for him. I sent out a no contact message to him 2 1/2 weeks ago. Was this the right move? What should I do next?

    • Ashley Kay 24 August 2010 at 2:50 pm Permalink

      Yes, you’re on the right track. I guess I don’t have to remind you not to sleep with him until he officially commits to you. Go slowly.

      • Michelle 25 August 2010 at 8:26 am Permalink

        Yes, that is one lesson I learned the hard way. So how long should I stay in no contact? Also should I wait on him to contact me first. My biggest fear is that he is forgetting me more and more with each passing day. I really don’t want to give up on us.

        • Ashley Kay 25 August 2010 at 9:20 am Permalink

          Let him contact you first.

          • Michelle 10 September 2010 at 8:49 am Permalink

            Well the unimaginable has happend, my ex broke up with his new love last week. I’ve heard a few comments that he has made about me and getting back with me, but he hasn’t contacted me as of yet. What do I do? Do i still wait for him to contact me or is it okay for me to contact him after 6 weeks of no contact?

  6. Derrick 24 August 2010 at 3:07 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley! I love your advice! it’s really been helping me though this tough time. Something interesting happened recently. Two days ago to be exact. There was this party where my ex brought her new boyfreind there. When she saw me she could not stop saying good things about me to her boyfriend. She even wanted to know if she could come to my home for a while someday soon so we could make her favorite dish together. When we ate food she used the fork i had used to eat. She then got a little intimate with her guy but kept glancing at me the whole night. she even took her guy’s cell phone and texted me asking if i was okay. I said I’m great why do you ask? She said “Oh just asking..” Lol Ashley what the heck is going on here?

    • Ashley Kay 24 August 2010 at 3:12 pm Permalink

      Was she drunk? 😛 Sounds to me like she’s confused and also feels guilty about having her new boyfriend and you in the same room. She probably just didn’t know how to act. I’d wait to see if she contacts you on her own to find out the long term nature of their relationship.

      • Derrick 24 August 2010 at 3:49 pm Permalink

        Lol haha nope she wasn’t drunk. Yeah I was thinking that too. Gosh Ashley most of the people who witnessed her behavior was like “Ahh he sucks compared to you” My Confidence in myself has gone though the roof. Nothing she can do can really phase me. I can’t thank you enough for your help. You’re awesome :). Let’s see if she contacts me when she gets her new cell phone. Thank you again!

  7. DNA 24 August 2010 at 4:05 pm Permalink

    Hey! Well, my ex left me, claiming “too much drama” and then later said it was her fault for the drama bc she thrives off of chaos… I knew this bc I rarely started the fights. I hated having her go to bed or remain angry at me and that was my fault. I should have been ok and left I guess. But since we’ve been broken up, she’s slept with 3 people that I know of, maybe more. Four if you include me bc we have slept together since our initial break up as well. But everyday almost she was telling me that she still loved me very much and was in live with me also, that’s why it hurt to see me or sleep with me. Then she told me that she wasn’t going to be in a relationship for 3 months due to the advice of her therapist bc she said she didn’t know how to have a relationship and I was happy bc I love her very much and want her to heal. On our first date, she slept with someone. Then came back an said she was into me and didn’t want to see this other person. But recently, her tone changed and now she is dating someone and they have slept together and she told me how precious I am and that she loves me very much still but said she was falling out of love with me. This was the first time she has said this. But when she said it, I was looking in her eyes and it looked like she was forcing it out in a desperate attempt to really have me leave her alone so she can do whatever it is that she’s doing. I don’t get it.

    • DNA 24 August 2010 at 4:13 pm Permalink

      We have been broken up for 4 and a half months… That’s it…. And she goes from relationship to relationship iv noticed in her past bc she’s shared that with me. But she has said that she loved me like no other and still does… And always will… And has never had anyone love her as much as I do. And has never had good sex like we had. The last time we slept together, a little over a month ago, she was crying saying how she loved me so much and how no one makes her feel like this. And now, she has completely turned her back on me. Wanting no contact and says she’s happy with this new relationship, that she swore she was incapable of being in bc of underlying issues, because it’s “drama free.”

  8. Mark Pickett 24 August 2010 at 4:27 pm Permalink

    She still calls ..we have a son together only 4y/o recently broke up and she is already got someone new ..which was already in the wings..never-the-less we shared 6 plus years together and still have a good friendship..despite the heartache on my end ..she appears to be happy ..the way things are..I have to bite the bullet,grin and bare it..through sleepless nights and loss of appetite. Her voice heals my wounded heart and when she puts herself close to me the pain goes away immeditatley..problem our personal time is limited due to work and obviously her new friend..which could very well be a rebound? I pray only for the very best possible outcome..I have been keeping my distance ..but with my son..I can’t remain a ghost in his world ..so I must make myself alive to him..despite the pain of seeing my ex..who has turned from a burning fire to ice ..romantically speaking ..not too long before this break up we shared what I believed to be love and passion..even her friendship remains sincere to this day..I feel deep inside there is still something.

  9. mark 24 August 2010 at 8:54 pm Permalink

    hi,my girlfriend finished with me after 9 years by telephone,i di d all the wrong things like ringing and texting loads to try to win her back,i still want her back after 6 months apart.What hurts is that i was always there for her sons,i was reliable whenever she needed me,i have not had any contact or seen her for 6 months and dont know how i would react if i saw her now.I dont know if shes with someone else either.How can i go about trying to get back with her because she still means the world to me .

  10. Donna 24 August 2010 at 8:57 pm Permalink

    I had an affair with a married man for approx 3 months when he said he’d fallen in love with me. Back in december, he left his wife and child to be with me. Now after 7 months he has said that it has become unbearable as he misses his daughter so much, therefore he has gone back to his wife. He still maintains that he loves me but feels he has to try this (he always felt guilty that he’d walk out). He has also indicated that he doesn’t think things will work out with his wife and that he can see us back together in the future. Should I let him go and give up hope or do you think I could get him back? Only yesterday he said he loves me. I’m distraught and don’t know what to do.

  11. Paul 24 August 2010 at 10:21 pm Permalink

    My ex fiance and I split up after what should have been our honeymoon. Her mother assaulted me and she was arrested for the assaut, this and I spoke to my 1 year old step daughters father as I belived I had been lied to about how she was convieved (Which I do belive she lied). My ex’s mother has 2 failed marriages and been on her own for years, she is very abusive and made my ex go to the police and hit me with a harrassment warning. I couldn’t contact her in any way until 3 weeks after she made contact with me, she said she couldn’t trust me and that I ripped her heart out and smashed it to pieces for these 2 incidents. She invited me round, twice, initiated sex both times then said she still loved me, missed me and wanted to try again taking it slowly but she couldn’t loose her family over me as her mum is all she has, she was going to tell her mum what we agreed.
    When she did that she called back saying her mum threatened to turn her back on her and never talk to her again and never be there, she would cut her throat for being disloyal etc. She carried on contacting me for a week saying if her mum found out we’d been in contact she’d have to blame it all on me. Late on a saturday night I called her, she was angy at a few things half of them with someone else, she was so nasty and blaming me for all sorts of things I hadn’t done that I lost it and took an overdose but survived. She sent only one text to my cell during the next week asking somebody to let her know I was okay. I then sent the break up moving on letter that Ashley has said about, she then created a facebook account adding loads of guys which she threatened to do which was to hurt me, I stupidly sent a text saying can we stop hurting each other, so she contacted my father saying she wanted no more contact with me saying she didn’t want police involvement but her mum was screaming and swearing in the background, my father said she started crying on the phone telling her mum to shut up and saying no to her. But then 3 hours later the police turned up again and now I’m not allowed to contact her in any way again. I’m finding it so hard to move on or understand that she has been sleeping with me and saying she still loves me and misses me but has been hurting me like this. Now I find out she is trying to start dating other guys in bad situations, so I guess now is the rebound as above. Please can anyone understand what might be going on here and if she can ever stand up to her mother. She is 26 with 2 children and a house of her own, if she still loves me and says all these things why won’t she tell her mum to stop and make her own decisions for her future?

  12. Jack 24 August 2010 at 11:07 pm Permalink

    You really do a great job Ashley, just reading and listening to your videos makes me realize and answer alot of questions i can’t thank you enough, for helping me through emotionally and mentally moving on with my life overall looking or happiness within myself first.

  13. Craig 25 August 2010 at 12:12 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    Thank you so much for your advice and guidance. It has been very helpful.

    Almost exactly one year ago my girfriend left me for another guy. We were together for 6 years and living together for the last 3 of those years. When she left she almost immediately moved in with this new guy and told me within a couple of months she thought she loved him. Needless to say I was very hurt and upset. I disappeared for a few months (volunteered in Africa and went to visit my family back in the states).

    I came back to Geneva (where I live) and told her I’d rather be friends with her than to not have her in my life. I tried to do this for some time, but a month ago I all of a sudden had a revelation that she treated me like crap and I simply stopped responding to her text messages and emails. I never gave her a reason for this but I no longer communicate with her.

    Nest month, in September, I have a wedding to go to where she will be there with her new boyfriend. In fact, she is a bride’s maid and I feel it may not be a good idea to go to the wedding, even though I am friends with the bride and groom. I guess I just fear meeting him for the first time, being in the same place as them, seeing them together for the first time and trying to act indifferent even though I am not totally over her. I am considering telling thebride and groom I will not be able to make the wedding for personal reasons.

    Can you help me? I am still sometimes so angry at her for immediately moving in with this guy and progressing so quickly with no or little regard for my feelings. It makes me question the kind of person I thought she was for all those years we were together.

    Thanks for your help!


    • Paul 24 June 2011 at 9:16 am Permalink

      Gee Ashley, where’s the replies on these. It sucks reading this situations and not seeing any reply to address these situations!

  14. IndianChick 25 August 2010 at 3:28 am Permalink

    Hi All!

    Ex broke up with me (2nd time r.ship this time he ended it) first time I ended it but with regret.

    Anyway, lets just say when it was good it was really good when it was bad it was bad, communication issues.

    This New Year, he broke up with me, moved on – got over it in March, and since July 2010 I was ready to date again, he joined the same dating website as me in early June I think, and I came off that, he is still looking I reckon but hes obviously “over” me. We briefly spoke in May 2010, but that didn’t work, as he didnt seem to keen on meetin gup although he texted me.

    So, I can assume that the veryfact he started dating again, in June 2010, after a gap of several months, he does NOT want anything to do with me.

    And neither do I want him.

    Sometimes, in life people need to use their common sense, if a guy does immediately get into a r,ship within weeks or a month of ending it with you, he STILL has feelings for you… but you need to “get real” when he joins website, and makes no contact whatsoever.

    All the best.. I’m glad I’m healed.

  15. Todd 25 August 2010 at 3:34 am Permalink

    It has been a little over 2 months since my last communication with my Ex and I texted her this past weekend to send congratulations to 2 friends of hers that I met who were getting married. She replied and was a little jokey in her reply. She made reference to me lieing in bed dreaming about something. I answered her and finished my reply with “Now, you stop thinking about me lieing in bed.LOL” She has not replied to that. I find this odd… because for someone (EX) who would have liked for us to remain in contact and she can’t even joke around with me seems a little strange.

    I do not know for sure if she is seeing someone, but I would say she is. I have read material that says the dumper even if they get involved with someone 1 week to even 6 months after the break-up. It can still be a rebound and their unresolved feelings for you can sabotage their next relationship.

    • Ashley Kay 25 August 2010 at 9:18 am Permalink

      Yea, I would say so. I wouldn’t worry about her not replying to you. Just don’t think about it and go on with your own business.. as hard as that will be!

  16. Danielle 25 August 2010 at 4:14 am Permalink

    Met a guy, said kind of seeing a girl less than a year, but was not his gf, started seeing each other, had sex immediately, only cause hadn’t I had sex in over a year, so I just really wanted to, didn’t expect anything to develop, from the beginning we both had such a deep passionate connection to each other, I’m older and have never experienced this before, it was something I just can’t fully describe, WONDERFUL!!, 3 months in to it, all of a sudden he tells me he wants to see me more, can we start doing things together, excitement for me out of no where, I was like sure, later on that week, he stopped calling as much, became distant, phone conversation he asked me to tell him I loved him, I said no, for fear he was testing me or what not, after that, everything changed, had plans next day, he cancelled, said he was getting back with his ex, 2 weeks rocked on, he came back around to me, said he was confused, playing me back and forth, had a really heated ugly argument, said he hated me, it was bad, a few more weeks went by, he called me to come over, apologized, said he didn’t do things right, wanted to start over, I was like ok, in the process he tells me that he broke up with his ex, dated two girls, one he liked ok, the other one he didn’t , thinking to myself what?? he did not have enough time to do all that with the way he works in racing, so couldn’t figure out why he was lying about seeing other people, but never said anything, things ended great! That was on a Wednesday, Monday saw him at a red light, didn’t want to look over, playing it cool, next thing, he squeels off, text him the following day, was gonna stop by for a few seconds after shopping, he got mad, said not to come by, I was like what is wrong with you? Thought things were fine, he said he was actually dating someone and to not contact him again. I don’t know if it’s his ex or someone new, but it’s been four months now and they are still together and he hasn’t spoken to me since then either, he avoids me and ignores me. What went wrong, what did I do wrong, I’m still sad and think of him everyday this whole time, I really cared for him. I have since pretended to have moved on and ignore him as well. Do I still have a chance or no??

  17. Charlie 25 August 2010 at 5:03 am Permalink

    K so here we go, we were living together for 8 months on and off 2 years before that. She asked me to move out in April and we were engaged as well. So i moved and she moved on within two weeks with this 42 year old bus driver who has 4 kids of his own and she has 2. She’s learning to drive and going on “adventures” as she calls it. The past two months shes come back to me 4 times we have about 3 days together then she runs off to this guy… This time she cut off all communication with us… and i did cry and plead for her not to do it… i’m at the crossroads with this we both love each other but it seems me being on crutches is some kinda issue or excuse cause it’s not like it’s a surprise now right… so any idvice?

  18. brianna 25 August 2010 at 5:05 am Permalink

    dear ashley i need ur advice im so confused. Me and my ex bf had been having probs for a while. I started to suspect that he was seeing somebody else because he started to act distant. i got my confirmation when one day i saw a pic of him and another girl on his facebook and he denied. the next week i saw that he put up another profile pic. he admitted to me that he was talkin to the girl but still wants to be with me and doesnt have feelings for her. he introduced the girl to his family fast and friends… it looks like they are really in love so i left him… he calls but i dont pick his calls……..i know he is movin on but wont admit it to me.. so what should i do… keep ignoring his calls?

  19. sahar 25 August 2010 at 5:58 am Permalink

    I had a long distance relationship with my ex for about 10 months when he was working. We decided to apply for school for next year together but he applied alone which meant we won’t be together for another 4-5 years. Then he said he made a mistake and that he loves me so much and if he could he’d change that mistake but he can’t do anything about it now.I was so sad and told him that i’ll try to go where he is next year but he started saying how hard long distance relationship is and he started spending lots of time with his friend esp a girl from work and being busy to talk to me. He always insisted that she is just a friend and he loves me but I couldn’t take it and told him that I want to break up a month ago and he accepted immediately saying that he loves me and don’t want to see me sad in this relationship. he moved to a new place to go to school and won’t see that girl anymore but after we talked about breaking up he started ignoring me saying that he is busy but he hopes I don’t think he is ignoring me! It seemed that break up was sth that he really wanted. I really love him and want to be with him and he says he loves me but he doesn’t want to do anything about it. It seems that he has moved on so fast. how can I get him want me again? we talk once in a while,sometimes he and sometimes I call first but it only makes me more sad when I talk to him because I can’t be with him. I try so hard not to contact him but I don’t know if it will be a good idea or not?

  20. Marie 25 August 2010 at 3:01 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley! My boyfriend dumped me for no particular reason. Well, there was a reason but the thing is, i couldnt accept it because its too shallow for me. Its been 3 mos since we broke up and he hadnt made contact ever since he dumped me. He was the type of person, who, with our 10 months of living together, was very consistent. Like I mattered to him above everything else. And then comes the point that he dumped me there and then. Until now, I couldnt help myself but wish for him to come back at me. I’ve heard he has a girlfriend now. OUCH! That fast? I can’t believe he lost his feelings with me that easily.

  21. eli 25 August 2010 at 4:06 pm Permalink

    my ex kissed me last night n hugged me n everything and told me he loves me and i thought he wanted us back then after all the kissing he said “i’m not ready to feel comitted to anyone just yet” and when I got upset n wanted to leave him he didn’t let me go and said he loves me,
    im so confused, I know for a fact that he’s not ready to be committed like before because he says it and his actions (of having secret emails for eg) shows it all, but at the same time why does he still text me sometime or why does he still kiss me when he sees me or tells me to be strong..
    like what the hell is going on??

  22. mark ferguson 26 August 2010 at 10:51 am Permalink

    Dear ashley.
    me and my wife broke up in march this year after i found she was chatting to one of her male friends secretly and trying to hide it from me i knew this male friend and i always knew he was after her and since we were having a few relationship problems he’s made his move and swooped in.since we broke up my wife and her male friend started going out with each other 6 weeks after we broke up then started living together shortly after with my 3 daughters so after this i just blanked her totally and focused on my kids and had very little chat with her to the point of ignoring her and also improved myself alot the at the end of june this year i picked her up from a party and she was a little drunk and she came onto me really heavy and said she loved me so much and missed me so much and wished she could go back then tried to sleep with me and said the new guy wasnt me and etc and since then she was desperate to remain close friends with me but that wasnt enough for me we r still married i wanted all or nothing but then she kept making excuses to see me and visit etc but her new guy has found and stopped her talking to me and he is convinced she wants me back annd that i’m a threat to him even though i just do nothing to interfere in there relationship so now i’m back to just basically barely speaking but she still tries to flirt with me and now wears jewelery that i bought her like rings etc and she know i can see her wearing these things when i collect the kids but why would she wear these things when she is living with someone else and says she is glad she left and is happier now.

  23. jay 27 August 2010 at 9:39 am Permalink

    hi.. my story is reali bad i dated my ex boyfrnd for two years.. i even sacrificed my life abroad to b wit him… i helped him tru thick and thin but he had dis proud attitude cos his reali fyn.. we had issues but i reali love him, dnt tink i ave eva loved lyk dat… he dumped me for some girl and he run arnd at every opportunity to let evry1 no he loves her, meanwhile i heard he reali spending loads on cash to pls her money he really doesn have.. borrowin money to pay her bills cos she blives his leavin large
    last tym i cald him we had a fight and he said he hates me and neva wants to hear frm me again… i felt my heart bleed i love him so much and i’d do nytin to get him bak… dd i mention we broke up cos his bst mate was tryin to lay wit me and i didn agree he decided to spread a false rumor bout me my boyfriend actuali blived

  24. Paul 27 August 2010 at 10:22 am Permalink

    My girlfriend of 3 years split up with me 6 months ago.She is also the mother of my child.In the course of the past 6 months I’ve pretty much made every mistake possible and then some even though I did my research I couldn’t control my emotions.After the break up she continued to contact me and we tried the whole friends thing but of course this didn’t workout.A month ago I found out that she was proposed to by a guy she has only been seeing for a month.We had a couple of battles in between this time and decided to keep our relationship cival for th child’s sake but other than that we shouldn’t have anything to do with each other.In the past couple of weeks she has went from being angry with me for my words and actions to trying to be really nice.She showed up at my work for the soul purpose of getting some of my business cards and then texted me the next day to tell me about a band I liked that was playing that evening.I’m all about being cival at this point but it seems like she’s trying to be more than that.Am I reading too much into this or is there some sort of motivation or agenda behind her actions?

  25. dan 27 August 2010 at 10:08 pm Permalink

    hey ashley love your work, quick question. i bumped into my ex about a week ago and we had a nice conversation and she even asked if i wasnt up 2 anything the following day if i wanted to go gym with her. but then retracted the offer minutes later sayin shed feel uncomfortable. recieved a txt later that day that simply said: i still care xx. anyway i asked her for a coffee a couple days later, cos i was near her gym and she said it wouldve been nice but she had an appointment. txted her yesterday to see how it went and nothing, its like she went cold turkey on me and is shutting me out. i have no idea whats changed in the last couple of days. so confused… help?

  26. aaron 28 August 2010 at 9:47 am Permalink

    me and my ex girlfiend have been together for 4 years and have two children of 1 and 3.we broke up 3 months ago when i found messages on her phone between her and a philippino guy.they was saying love u at the end of them and there was a few dirty ones.i left but almost immediently i made all the mistakes and begged for us to get bk.shes still seeing this guy but he seems alot like me,same build same taste in music,kind of the same fashion.and whent they go out they do all the things we used to do.things got tuff between us in the last yeear and a half when i lost a really well paid job.i had to get anova job working nights so she could work days,only way to survive…..so i had the kids all day n everyday and then come the weekend she would go out without me leaving me with the kids for the weekend.she says i didnt give her enough attention but when ur awake for 5 days straight the last thing i wanted to to cuddle up n be romantic.so because of that she me this guy.but i really want her back because i love her and know she finds parenthood very difficult.she says she will always have feelings for me but she got feelings for him too.they argue alot and he has apparently been texting other girls so she dumped him then got back with him even after we spent the weekend together,as soon as i left her house she was speaking to him.she doesnt tell me she doesnt want to be with me.she always says maybe,let me think but she aint coz she with this bloke.she only sees him at wkend because he live 500 miles away.they see each other for 1 wkend out of every 4.she says theres nothing serious she sees him for a couple of days n then he goes bk n she likes it like that.but i dont understand how a woman or anyone can be treated like that??? ive been very decent through it all,i have my kids every weekend and give her money for bills every week too.but i always make the “big” mistakes because i ndont know how to deal with it.it just seems she has forgotten the last 4 years we spent together and how decent and nice i have been.she even admitted she wouldnt like it if i was dating someone else but she doesnt feel sexually attracted to me no more.so she can sleep with other people but i cant? heelp!!! do i have a chance?

  27. Cynthia 29 August 2010 at 2:07 pm Permalink

    My boyfriend’s brother passed away a few days ago. Things were great between us. I live a few hrs away from him. I called him and asked him to check up on him and asked him to let me know when the funeral is so I can attend it.
    Two days later, he sends me an email saying that he has been going though some rough times and that he had been spending some time with his ex so they decided to give it another shot. Also told me it’s not necessary for me to make it to the funeral.
    Should I let him go or fight back for him?

  28. Darlene 30 August 2010 at 9:46 am Permalink

    Ashley, what do I do with my ex who I’m still legally married to??? We’ve been separated for 3 years & he’s still dating the same woman for the past 2 years. I am nearly 4 months pregnant with our 2nd child & he still continues to see her. He says he wants to be a family with our daughter and me but he makes no attempt to move in or spend quality time with me. Can you please help me?

  29. Timothy Fleming 31 August 2010 at 2:49 am Permalink

    I need advice, my ex left me about 3 months ago, i begged for him back, we have hurt eachother really bad. He made a profile lastnite and started looking for sex, i text him this morning and told him i found out he messaged on of my friends on the site looking for sex, he blamed me for him doing it, i told him im done now, he said he willcall me tonite, i wont answer, we were togethet 3 years and he sais i push him away and he hates me after he said he still has feelings for me but for me to give him a year, i did mess woth his head pretty bad, i want to make a profile so bad to hurt him like he did to me, what should i do, he hurt me so bad, but i
    pushed him away. He knew he had me, should i delete the profile or keep it?

  30. Timothy Fleming 31 August 2010 at 2:57 am Permalink

    Please email me or call me if you can, or i can call you, 3219876504, i really need help, i want my relationship back, i kno he still lovrs me but i hurt him cuz he hurt me really bad. Thanks.

  31. Nick 2 September 2010 at 3:46 am Permalink

    Hey Ashley
    I just wanted to know, why is it that an ex would be upset over leaving you? I just got out of a 4 year relationship with my ex (we’re both 20) after she said she didnt feel the same way anymore, and many people have said to me shes acting out of loneliness, and she more than likely isnt as happy as some people think. I just took her actions like dating (Ive heard shes seeing someone, its been just over a month since the break up, hes complete opposite of me, she even told a mutual friend, shes turned a guy down because she thought he was “too nice”; like me, and that she wanted someone completly different, even stating he should be a little mean) and non stop partying/drinking as her moving on, that it was just the person she is. She actually seems to have done a complete 180 on the values she used to express to me about life and relationships. Why do people change so dramatically after a break up? It seems like all she used to think was bad for a person is all that she is doing now.

  32. nl 2 September 2010 at 8:30 am Permalink

    Ashley-I am in pretty much the exact situation you talked about in your video. I was engaged to my ex-girlfriend for 5 years. Then 6 months ago she ended it abruptly and almost immediately started dating someone else. I came to find out she was “having coffee” with this guy before we were broken up, so she no doubt had him in mind when she broke up. He is the exact opposite of me, 20 years older, kids, divorced. They became close really quickly, taking trips to the beach and mountains and spending time together. At first, I immediately freaked out and got mad at her, then I pouted and was depressed all the time. I still am but I try to put on a front when she is around. In the past few months, she has come to me with her problems and asked me for several favors, which I happily helped her with. I assumed it was over but kept in contact because I wanted to remain friends. Then this past Sunday I got a call from her where she was emotional and telling me she wasnt sure where she was in her life and where she needed to be and that she felt in limbo. I could see the cracks starting to form in her current relationship. My question is where do I go from here? I asked her about the conversation the next day and she tried to downplay it but still said she wasnt sure “what she wanted”. Is it time for me to ask her directly how she feels, especially about us or should I keep just laying back and playing it cool? I dont want to mess this up because I really love this woman. Thanks!

    • ttp 11 December 2011 at 2:50 am Permalink

      From what you wrote i would be tempted to ask now too.But you’re definitely better off playing it cool still.

  33. ashley 12 September 2010 at 5:15 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley,
    I have this distinct problem. My ex left me for someone else over a year ago. I made all the crucial mistakes because I was suffering from pain and didn’t know how to handle it. They got engaged after about 5 months, and they currently live together. His gf is nuts, and really insecure, which she takes out on me.We have a child together who just turned 1. He flips back n forth between being nice and talking crap about me. He doesn’t really try to be in mine and my daughters life with actions– but he can’t stand it when I’m mad at him or ignore him. I’ve tried no contact, but its virtually impossible with a kid. It almost seems like he wants his cake and to eat it too– and so far that is what he has gotten because I want him in our kid’s life. What should I do?

  34. Jasmine 12 September 2010 at 7:05 pm Permalink

    I’m in the situation that you talked about in your video but with the complexity of being pregnant with my ex’s child. We broke up and things headed toward getting back together two months later and I ended up pregnant. When I told him he wanted me to abort and I couldn’t do that so we are having the baby. He didn’t want to be together but acted like we were together. He’s gone to all the doctor appointments, we did the registry together and we signed up for lamaze classes and other baby type classes. He has all the signs that you mention that he still isn’t over me but he has recently started seeing someone a month ago. This isn’t my first child but it is his first child and I am the first woman that he’s dated that has kids. This girl he’s seeing has kids and from what I can tell is very much like me in many ways. He is insisting that I meet her even though he’s only been with her a month, he says that she’s not going anywhere and that she is a part of his life now and I have to accept that. I have accepted that but our son isn’t born yet and with him going to all these classes, appointments and everything with me I know that the girl he’s seeing is going to have a problem with him spending all that time with me especially when he’s constantly at my house like he wants to be to see the baby once the baby is born. The perfect example is that we went on a tour of a hospital today. He kept touching my back as we walked, stayed really close, had his arm around me and so on. I thought it was odd for him to do that since he’s seeing someone but I question as to why he was doing that. Not only that everyone was in the elevator so it was packed so I stood right infront of him and he grabbed my hip and pulled me right up against him and didn’t let go till I could step away from him to get out of the elevator. Once the tour was over we got something to eat, got my kids from the sitter and then he was helping my daughter with homework and once that was done he and I had a two almost three hour talk. During all that his new chick texted and called the whole time and during the last hour or two it was like every 3-5 minutes. He said that she knew that he was with me but we were together and that she was ok with it but I don’t understand why he spent more than seven hours with me and wants to come over tomorrow or the next day to help my daughter some more with her homework and then for us to talk some more. Can you explain this to me cause with me being pregnant does what you said in the video even apply to me since I’m pregnant?

  35. Craig 23 September 2010 at 10:02 pm Permalink

    My ex left me on new years day this year, we were together for 5yrs. Just before this in Sep 09 she gave me the ‘we need a break’! I went along with this! I basically then did everything wrong, I bombarded her with flowers and letters telling her how much i loved her etc! Although she did come back a month later she wasn’t the same. Inevitably she saw the relationship through christmas then left me new years day! Its been 9 months now, she contacted me a few times at the beginning, things like her car had broken and poking me on facebook. but after feb it stopped! Stupidly in march i mailed her telling her i missed her and still loved her! she replied telling me ‘i’ll meet someone when im ready’ & ‘Someone will be lucky to have me’! which was a bit of a slap in the face!! anyway she hasnt contacted me since! ive just recently found out that shes now living with someone else after 9months apart, it was 4 months before we started sleeping together let alone moved in together! which knocked me for six really….and for some reason i sent her another email tellin her i was still in love with her ect! silly i know! i didnt slate this new guy or their relationship though! she hasnt replied…which to be honest i didnt think she would!

    I really dont know what to do, I want her back so much but i think ive screwed that up with the stupid mails ive sent her! I dont know if this relationship she’s in is a rebound because she hasn’t really contacted me! all i know is life aint the same without her and id do anything to get her back!!

  36. Mike 25 September 2010 at 1:01 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    My girlfriend of the last 2 yrs broke up with me a few months ago and said she is seeing someone else. The reason for the break was my fault as last year i lost my job and things were really bad for me, i was so depressed and wanted to be alone, she wanted to help so much but i was always cold to her. She finally gave up and decided she was leaving me. But she said she still wants to be friends and would like to see me once in a while. I tried all, begged and asked her to give me another chance but she said no. A few weeks later she called to meet up and this continued for a while, we did meet once in two weeks and she then told me she was not with the guy anymore. Last month i decided i could not take it anymore and that i wanted her back i realised that she is the one for me and i for once accepted that i am in love with her and i just could not hide it anymore. I then asked her for us to get back but she refused and said she just wants to be alone. I sent her flowers which she liked but still no luck. I then decided to give her some space and see what happens. a few days letter she send me a text asking if i was ok, and then asks to meet. She sometimes gets in a negative move with me and gets a bit nasty putting me down and sometimes she is very happy. She sends me texts saying she misses me and another time she just acts really cold. I really don’t know what to do anymore. If she calls me at weekends and i don’t pick up my phone she get angry and says i am with another woman. Last weekend she asked me out , we had dinner before going to a club, getting there she started acting all moody again. We got home and she said she just wants to be friends and there is no future for us, in the money she comes all over me and we had sex, she keeps saying what it would be like if we were togethere and what our kids will look like. and when i left her place on Sunday she sent me a text saying she misses me. I told her a few days ago that i was going out this weekend to the theatre on Friday and then to a friends birthday on Sat, she gets angry that i never invite her to anything, she then goes back to when we started that i never wanted her to meet any of my friends and she thinks i am going out this weekend with another woman. I told her the reason why i dod not ask her out is cause i never know what reply i would get. She later called to ask again if i was seeing someone and i said not at all as i want to be honest with her but i told her i have people that want to see me , she then goes on to say she is not seeing anyone and that she can’t see anyone while she is having sex with me . I am confused … PLEASE HELP as i really love her and don’t want to loose her. Whenever we are together she can’t seem to get her hand off me. But she refuses to kiss me.

  37. Becca 17 October 2010 at 6:29 pm Permalink

    well what is considered “very quickly”? Me and my ex broke up about 6 weeks ago (dated a couple months, intense and really liked each other) and he told me he’s seeing someone else. Already. Rebound or real deal?

  38. Ace 17 October 2010 at 10:32 pm Permalink

    Hey I’m not sure if my ex is In a rebound or not. She tells me she has met someone else the day she broke up with me. I’m not sure if she is lying or not. I snooped on her myspace and saw that she has talked to a friend of the guy she met. The guy she talked to said a couple of things about her and this new guy and he wanted to meet her. This guy, I believe lives out of the country. I totally believe it has to be a rebound but we haven’t talked for about 3 weeks. I recently told her I had met someone but me n her weren’t dating. I think she got mad and stopped responding to anymore text I sent to her. I’m just curious does it sound like I should continue nc or is it safe to start talking to her again?

  39. jay 19 October 2010 at 10:28 am Permalink

    hi, its me jay again.. after the break up my ex and i still cnt let go of the SEX nw im 3wks pregnant and i dnt no wot to do im kinda still in school and i dnt fink im ready for a baby… im the first girl his gonna have a child wit and i love it buh i dnt want complications… as for his nw girlfriend dnt no if she has heard the news but who cares
    all i no is i lost my ex cos of distance and lies and nw im pregnant and im scared cos im 18

  40. James 19 October 2010 at 7:35 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley my girl friend broke up with me 2 months ago she still contacts me i asked her if we could get back together and she told me wold give me tell the end of December of this year 2010 is that to long to wait for her should i just move on with my live i really want her back what do i do

  41. James 27 October 2010 at 6:54 am Permalink

    hey Ashley its me again
    ok i just found out to day my ex is dating someone else after 2 months and shes telling me to just move on but how can i do that when i still love her how do i deal with the pain

  42. Jonathan O. 27 October 2010 at 8:45 am Permalink

    Hello James.
    Well, I say you don’t give up ! At first, she may think she got over you and that she wants to continue her life with maybe some random guy she picked but it’s just a matter of time before she realizes she is using this guy just to mask her feelings for you… and it’s only temporal so I say take it slow, ask her to maybe be friends and try to keep in touch. The situation is delicate so take it slow and steady don’t rush things and in this time don’t even mention you guys should get back together. Let her realize on her own…

    Jonathan O.

  43. allie 28 October 2010 at 10:16 am Permalink

    Hi. My ex and I have been going out for almost 3 years. We had our ups and downs of course as every relationship does but we were so in love with eachother we were both eachothers first significant relationship and we were practically married. Everyone knew we were gona be together forever, our families knew it and we both knew it. We started having difficulties a few months before I broke up with him. We were fighting and his dad was diagnosed with cancer and he became cold and mean and for the first time during a fight we got into he spit on my face. I ended it then and there even though I didn’t want to. and after we broke up I kept waiting for him to genuinely show me how sincere he was sorry for what he did so that I could trust him and feel safe with him again. A few days later he did do something with cards and flowers and I said I would sleep on it and suck it all in and he became cold again which is how I knew he wasn’t genuine. Basically we kept going back and forth until the summer when I went away on vacation for a month and was finally ready to let go. He called me almost everyday crying to me and begging me to get back together and at first I thought that it won’t work I can’t be with someone who degraded me so badly but I always made excuses for his behavior because of his dad being sick so I thought that me being away for a month will give us both time to think and work on ourselves for one another and start fresh when I get back. When I got back he was cold again and it made me miserable I loved him so much I just wanted to be with him and I called him and cried to him until I saw pictures on facebook of him and another girl and that night I died inside and I asked him who she was he said a friend that he’s dating and i ruined our relationship and now I should feel what its like without him. We never spoke since. He’s been putting pictures up on facebook of both of them with love comments and now in a relationship status (which we never did together because he was never on facebook and I don’t care for it).. He still bothered me when he saw me and got my credit numbers and ordered something for himself and when I called the credit company to claim fraud he threathened me and cursed me. He’s still with her eceryone claims its a rebound relationship but I can’t understand how someone can move on so fast. I’m miserable I cry all the time I miss him so much we were so close and comfortable he was everything to me and now he acts like I never existed

  44. gordon 30 October 2010 at 8:38 pm Permalink

    my wife broke up with me because she said she didnt love me anymore and moved into another house she was freindly with this guy who she talked to who i think helped her go from me we use to argue over different things sometimes silly things said i was to agrresive not violent i use to go round every day to hers but we wud end up argueing about this guy and there no way she was coming back to me this went on for 3 months then one day i pulled the guy and he was tellig me she was seeing a few guys as if to cover up him wanting her so wen i had my son that day i kept hm of her for 3 days i new it was wrong but i love her so much and she wouldnt listen to me about this guy she got our son back thro her family then things went down hill court for acess to see him her realy hating me she wouldnt trust me with him incase i didnt bring him back but now i gt him regular she kept denying she was seeing somone but now 6 months has gone by and she has admited she is seeing somone ive not to txt her or she will report me she doesnt see alot of this guy she wont talk about wats happened she says she no feelings for me any more and shes moved on and told me to do the same i dont no wat to do i miss her and love her so much she nos this

  45. Albert 5 November 2010 at 3:37 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    My ex gf is a Capricorn, ive tried most of the techniques which has been said but she stays very strong on her decision to break up even when i know she still loves me.
    She is constantly on her hand phone when i do see her and im afraid she has a new interest. She doesnt ignore my sms’es but she doesnt reply my emails. Ive tried everything i could from your advices. What should i do next to get her back.. Im having suicidal tendencies but in front of her i just show im happily moving on.

  46. Starry 28 November 2010 at 4:28 pm Permalink

    Upon finding this video, I found that I had already come to all of these conclusions on my own. I am adept in psychology, and I also know my woman inside and out. These two are a good, standing force.
    I believe the most important factor is patience. I, myself, have succumbed to waiting. I advise that once you do these tactics, it’s not going to work right away. You truly need patience and time to let the rebound relationship sizzle out and die.
    What I believe is that you will need to, of course, regain power in the relationship, and do not interfere with their relationship. During that time, just accept what is going on and prepare.
    I guess I would say you want to be a “Fading light, slowly walking away in the darkness” to your ex. Sort of like when you’re in the kitchen at night, you leave the fridge open. When it starts to close, the light starts to fade and you reach out and stop it from closing. You don’t want to be angry or completely final with your ex, just make it seem like you’re slowly weaning yourself off from their love. Because you’re taking it slowly, there is a good chance that the time that your ex realizes they don’t want their rebound and your walking away will coincide, urging them to reach out for your light.
    I haven’t gotten my ex back yet, but I am positive she will return. No doubts. Please offer any additional insight, Ms. Kay.
    Not to bribe or anything lol, but if I do get her back, my happiness and elation will probably drive me to buy your book. Just saying :)

  47. Jocelyn 1 December 2010 at 4:24 pm Permalink

    I was with my ex for almost 2 years we never had a problem but his family kept getting in between and it got violent so he didn’t want me to get hurt so we broke up I still love him as I always did still he comes back to me does it mean he still has feelings? But recently he told me he has a girl but he still was here to talk to me and his girl found that he had pictures of me and emails I sent him and now he said he can’t talk to me anymore but I think he keeps tabs on what I do still im to the point idk what to do but cry I miss him so much do u have any advice?

  48. Steven 3 December 2010 at 4:24 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley

    My ex just broke up with me after we have have been together for a year. The reason was a friend of minds was meddling in our affairs, until I set it straight and told my friend to back of, did not happen, so I told my friend that I was very angry because of the situation and not to call me. I told my partner that I will handle the situation and not to be bothered. My partner told me that he did not like my friend and I respected that. He said that he will not ever go out with him anymore, ok fine. Just 2 weeks ago me and my friend have started talking and he wanted to talk about the situation. I told my partner and he got angry and guess what he did, he went to visit his ex after 2 years, and now all of sudden those old flames started to rekindle and my ex says he no longer feels the same for me, that is a bunch of lies. Anyway it has been 3 days since I talked with him, and I find it strange that he is devoted time to me and not to his new romance. I chose not to contact him and focus on me. Any suggestions you have in this case???? I have a feeling he will be contacting me soon. Thanks Ashley

  49. denny 3 December 2010 at 10:30 pm Permalink

    sis you r good, i wish i was with my wife right now but she dont want me, becauce i brock her heart, not by cheating, but by drinking and a bit more, its her bday and i dont no what to do, call her, send flowers to her work place, this is killing me, anyway b good and keep up the good work, your great…..lol. your great x

  50. Zachary 4 December 2010 at 9:31 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley,
    My ex left me 2 months ago after over 3 years together. She has a new bf and has told me they had sex. I would normally be able to understand this, but we never had sex in our relationship and she never had sex with anyone before. I wanted us to wait. We did please each other, but never had intercourse. It also disturbs me that she has told me that she does not plan on having a future with this person and would also like to hang out and enjoy each other when I visit for the holidays(the past 4 months have been long distance). She was hesitant to tell me about her actions, but I said it was okay to tell me. It hurt me severely, but I managed to keep my cool because I knew it was the best thing to do. It feels like she has cheated on me, but she did not get with this person until a few weeks after she left me. I still have very strong feelings for her and she also says that she misses me a lot. Should I consider what she did cheating or just doing something that she always wanted to do with me?

  51. Ante 6 December 2010 at 2:06 am Permalink

    hi there..
    where should i start…ok well i was with my x-girlfriend for 1 and half years which is quite a long time considering she was my 1st real gf and i was her 1st real bf. everything was great and ran smoothly..the biggest problem in our relationship was that i was ov full croatian blood and she was 3/4 serbian and 1/4 croatian becoz her dad was half. this didnt arise to be much ov a problem at the start but then it slowly started to build up. Unfortunetly i can only blame myself becoz i should ov brought her home from day 1 and things would ov been much better and different instead i waited which i should ov not done…though my parents neva told me to not date her and not bring her ova and go 2 her house they neva said that…my mum was alright with it
    i just think it would ov taken the old man a bit more time to process..we had our usually arguments ova stupid things that were mended quite quickly…though as of this year start ov september we went on a little break so i could sort out my stuff with my parents and so that she could sort out her negativity with a few things… one nite i decided to go for a drive with a friend through the local town..one ov my x girlfriends, friends saw me driving and immediately txtd my x gf, she went berzerk started saying i dnt care about i dnt love her and that im moving on…i didnt kno wat to think or say i was angry..then the arguing started and in a couple ov days she broke it off with me…we were broken up for 5 days and next thing u kno i shes in a new relationship! i didnt think much ov it becoz i thought it was all bullshit to try get bak at me…but when a few ov my mates were asking wat was going and that she (sandra my x) was in a new relationship it really hit me and i basically lost the plot..all the stuff she use to say to me felt like a lie…she use to say i love u sooo much i cant imagine my life without u and that she wanted to get engaged even married at some point…i was tottally gutted and i started texting and calling her..i was soo angry and upset…then when i calmed down after a week or so..she called me to come to her work…she said she dosent kno if she can go bak with me becoz i havent done anything to prove to her how much i love her and wanted her bak…soo basically she said if u want me then fight for me…i chased her for nearly 2 months she lead me on…thinking we’d get back togther…she made a fake account on facebook to contact me through and we even talked on msn…even on webcam…the thing that kills me the most is that she said we will set a date to get back togther which she said was december the 1st… but while this was going on she kept saying she needs space i dnt understand how u can need space if ur withsome else…i was confused, hurt, emotional angry the works…the guy she is with now is ov serbian origin… one my friends thinks that my x wanted/needed something i couldnt give her and that apparently was that she now sees how she’ll be accepted by his parents becoz they are serbian…also one ov her friends told me that my x said her new bf is really nice and is ready to settle down with a serbian girl…i was like wtf… during this peroid ov being led on..i bought her a ipod touch and a gold pendant with her name on it Sandra…which i dnt regret but it still hurts… november the 3rd was the last contact i had with her…she basically rippt my heart at the library in our univerisity… i kept telling her though this ordeal that if she came bak to me we would go straight to my place and i would tell me my parents this is more than serious now we really do love each other and u will accept it whether u like or not…but in saying so on november 3rd 2010 she told me she dosent want anything to do with my parents and that she is happy with how she is now and she really likes this new guy shes with…and that she sees me as a friend..i askt her if she loved me her response was a a slight shake ov the head as in no and that was the same respone when i asked if she still had feelings for me…the weeks prior to the final one she was saying she does love me but shes unsure if she wants to be with me and still needs space…well i have cut all contact with her and it hurts like hell…i think about her non-stop.. its been 18 days no conact and she has been with her new bf for 2 and a half months… i dnt kno what to do or think anymore..i.d do anything to get her back.. can things be mended? is there still hope? please i really would like some help as the stages i am at r pure anger and hatred… i am 22 and she is 18.. if that helps in any way…she was 1st first love and i was hers well i hope i was…i still think things can be mended i just feel like i keep hitting a brick wall please help if you can thank you…
    to add salt to the wound..i recently found out she is going to Bali with her ‘new bf’… is all hope now really lost…i tried to re establish communication with her after 20 days ov no contact…she ignored my msg…wat can b done? if anything?

    • chidozie 28 March 2011 at 12:18 pm Permalink

      you are still young and would not understand love
      love hurts ,love is sweet, love is just the way of life
      You have to move on.
      It will take you some time to get over her b/c you love her ,but you must sincerely let her go (if she come back to you then she is your) the more you follow her the more you lose her (if she is really your)
      believe me if she is not the one you will surely find someone that will make you forget about her totally ,because your hurt can only be removed by someone else coming into your life.
      She was able to move on because she had an alternative to you so get someone (not just anyone) someone to start a relationship with. This is life and these are the experiences you will get as you growth up to better yourself for the future
      I had such an experience during my days, i had a gf for almost 3 year and we both loved one another but b/c of issues relating to where we come from she was not willing to take it to the next level while i was …to cut the story short she moved on (but i knew she still loved me and in my heart it felt like i would not be able to love any other lady the way i loved her) i later found someone and at the end she was better than my ex and i even loved her more (it didn’t just happen, it took some time). But there is something i did that really helped me. When i knew she wanted a break up, i gave it to her. I made her understand that we are still friend no matter what (believe me it is better this way than to keep stroking her) b/c we are still friend during that period we also came back together, because there were period she will feel like seeing me just for old time sake or just to hang out with me but because the separation was a little bit long (caused by the fact that i wanted her to make the first real move and i now had developed some love for the new girl i was seeing) we did not make up
      Today we are both married to different people and we are still friends

  52. crimson 10 December 2010 at 2:28 am Permalink


    i have broken u with my ex for 4years. and it is quite hurting.. then i was planning to win her back, she stopped me saying she has found a new guy to like in the span of 3 months after our breakup. Me feeling sorry want to win her back but she woudnt let me. Then after 1 week of pleading, i send her a message stating that I will love you till mango trees bear fruit orange. And she replied I think that’s my line, nevertheless see you after 1 year. I told her prior that message that i will cease all communication from her, leave facebook and twitter. and return after 1 year. From what i have wrote, would she still have me back after 1 year even theres a guy shes having? though their relationship is long distance.

  53. Claire 23 January 2011 at 4:35 am Permalink

    I feel like guys do this much more than women….

  54. lowanda 24 January 2011 at 12:05 pm Permalink

    Wonderful advice……..my ex boyfriend is seeing someone and it happen very fast which this person is the second person, but this time he told me and yes it hurt but after hearing this now I see totally clear……….he stay in contact with me all the time and ask can we be friends and I told him no how can we be friends when I love him but now I see to just be nice and act like I don’t care and just focus on me……..thanks is hard because I love him but at the same is not as bad as you say too…………

  55. marissa 3 February 2011 at 8:16 am Permalink

    AMAZING, my ex just ended our SIX year relationship and the next day after avoiding me for 3 weeks got with a former friend of mine (who I do not like) and someone he has been “obsessed” with for years and years. I wish I would have heard this yesterday before he had brought the girl to my home to pick up his tv! I clearly showed anger, I slapped him across the face. Though it was truly deserved, I cant show that to him. We had plans for marriage/ all of that and he now tells me “she is it” and i never was it. LOL when I heard you say that in this video It made me scream!!!!! How could I b so dumb to give into that????!? So i just sent him an email apologizing wishing him and that girl the best and will let him be. I have faith hope and love that everything will work out and im just gonna focus on bettering myself :) right now. I know the day is gonna come when he wakes up and sees how complelty unfair he was and on that day it will be up to me to make the decision. Thanks for this video!

  56. Jenn 9 February 2011 at 2:55 am Permalink

    After expressing my feeling toward my ex he is now starting to get distant. we usually talk through instant messenger. I told him him that I still have feelings and all he could say is ” he didn’t know I felt like that lol” (He always contacts me) Well I haven’t talked to him since I told him how I felt. So I am not sure what he is thinking. Do you think he will contact me again?

    here is a preview of our last conversation

    Here was our last conversation:

    Ok it started off as hi how are you etc…
    Him: Do my tax
    me: you can do it!
    me:Why choose me to do it?
    me: I guess I am special
    him:yes you are :)
    —Next day
    he im’s me of course
    him: yo
    me: hey :)
    me: miss me?
    him: of course I miss you lol
    him: but you don’t miss me lol
    me: Actually I do can’t believe I just said that
    him: wow you do with smilyface
    me:told him I was mad at hubby
    him: you can talk to me
    me: I can’t talk to someone I feelings for. whew! got that off my chest. don’t know why but I do
    him: lol wow
    him: you feel like that
    him; I didn’t know you still feel like that
    him: BRB time for work
    (then he signs off

  57. alyssa 10 February 2011 at 12:55 am Permalink

    what do i do when i live with my boyfriend but we are no a break kinda deal/ broken up? and he is seeing another girl but says he loves me and misses me and hugs me too?

  58. Layla27 27 April 2011 at 6:40 am Permalink

    My boyfriend broke up with me after 2.5yrs. He said he is not ready to get married. He loves me and would die for me but just isn’t ready to get married. He said the brake up is mostly for me so that i can find myself someone who does want to get married and have kids. He does want to get married someday but just not now and knows i want to get married now. We broke up about a month ago, talked for like 2 weeks after but he stopped contacting me last week. I love him and i know he loves me too. Our relationship was great. What do i do now?

  59. katie 8 May 2011 at 10:24 pm Permalink

    Hi. my girlfriend broke up with me two days ago and had a girlfriend 12 hours later. she said she agreed to go out with the person because she didnt want to hurt the other persons feelings. now after a little over a day of dating the person she says she loves her and not me. we dated for a year and a half. i dont see how that much love can disappeare so quickly..

  60. Xin 23 May 2011 at 2:57 pm Permalink

    Forget getting my ex back, I rather get to know you. =P

  61. Andrew 31 May 2011 at 4:01 pm Permalink


    I have a question. Me and my wife just recently broke up a day or so ago. Now my question is she text me to bring her a package to mail, that I could do and also to bring her a Post Office slip to pick up a package. We work right across from each other on the same street. So, if my plan is to get my ex back, i already agreed to get her the things she asked for. So my question is, should I go over to her work place and take her the things wearing clothes she likes on me? Or should I just put the things on her front seat of her car and have no contact? She was the one that wanted the break up, so what would be most effective?

  62. Julie 7 June 2011 at 12:15 pm Permalink


    I have somewhat of a difficult situation here. My ex and I were together over 12 years and we have one son. I left him almost a year ago because he couldn’t keep a job and couldn’t handle money very well. I moved out and about after 2 months he met a woman online and moved in with her. We still had to communicate because of our son, so when he decided to come and get him for a night, my son came to tell me she was also with them. Remind you. all this time I thought he was living with a friend of his – well, we started talking about things and decided that we should give it a try again and he said he would leave her. Well, he quit his job and now is totally dependent on her. She does everything for him, despite his faults, in which she called me to discuss out of the blue! He claims to still love me and wants to come back to us, but not until he finds a good job so we can live a good life together. This woman has no idea of our plans and I feel horrible knowing he is in her bed every night. I’m so lost and hurt, but hey, if someone was paying all of your bills, wouldn’t you want to stay with them too? And he left his sons birthday party early because he claims they had plans. Well, I’m pissed still about that. I do love him and always will – he was and is the love of my life! PLEASE HELP!

  63. chiro 7 June 2011 at 7:15 pm Permalink

    hey, me and my gf lived together the same roof and room for 1 yr but now she has new bf, im still in love with her and she told me she still loves me.. i told her that, sometimes i want to get her back but i resist myself from begging her to come back to me coz i did that before..we split 4 mos ago and after break up she started seeing this guy… in the first place they are completely strangers.. she told me she wanted to get back with me but she can’t coz she has bf now and she can’t forget all my faults during our relationships.. what can i do to get her? everytime she texted her guy i felt pain in my chest and wishing she won’t come back home and the worst thing is, every night she slept with her bf coz her bf doesn’t want to sleep her in our apartmnt coz we are in the same bed….what can i do? before she went to her bf i ask her to come back with me.. i know she still loves me coz everytime we see each other she treats me like her gf.. we hugged when we sleep, she kissed me for goodnight and she hugged me and kissed me everytime she goes out…pls give me advice….

  64. Destiney 8 June 2011 at 7:46 am Permalink

    He is gonna stay with her cause she’s independant! You need to be independant yourself when you see him to drop off your son or something look really nice, look brand new! But dont show him your doing it on purpose!

  65. RT 9 June 2011 at 2:29 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    I’ve seen several of you videos on random sites and on YouTube. My situation I think is pretty weird. Would you mind emailing me, so we could discuss some issues I have? Email – gatheringfear@gmail.com. Your help is greatly appreciated.


  66. rob 24 June 2011 at 12:55 am Permalink

    hi Ashley,

    i’ll try to make this brief. dated this girl for 2+ yrs, 2 months ago she broke up with me bc the relationship had become “stale”. A week or 2 after she was seeing this guy she had been friends with. (he always liked her and was a dick to me). Probably 4 weeks ago they were officially dating. I took the break-up badly and did all the wrong things. Only about a week after she started dating this guy did i start to act cool about everything and stopped trying to contact her. Sense then she text me about once or twice a week to see how i am or to just say random things like happy birthday or stuff of that nature. so where should i go from here? she pulled the whole “i really want to be friends” bs. should i just not try contacting her until it becomes clear her new relationship isnt working(if that happens at all…)? i’m just unsure how to respond to her text. i always get too excited and we end up chatting for like 30+ mins. i’m guessing thats a bad idea, as its essencially giving her what she wants. shes just very stubborn and i feel if i just blow her text off she’ll just say “f*ck it” and wait for me to contact her. i would appreciate any advise. THANKS

  67. Jordin 11 July 2011 at 6:06 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley,
    So I been dating my girlfriend for almost a year and Im in love with her and she says shes in love with me, and that she will never leave me an all that. But recently just before our one year anniversary she broke up with me. She says that she needs time, but on the exact day she broke up wit me shes dating someone else. She tells me she like tht person but is still in love with me, and that we might get back together but she doesn’t know yet. And she posts on her facebook how she feels for that other person. And at first when she first broke up with me she wouldn’t tell me the reason because she said she didn’t want to hurt me then a couple days later she did. And she says that I was her actual first love and she cares about me and still loves me. what should I do? We text each other, well I told her I wouldn’t text her but she said she would still text me because she still wants to be friends. Please help and thank you
    – jordin

  68. Megan 14 July 2011 at 7:30 am Permalink

    I will jump to the end because this could be a very lengthly note if I tell everything. My ex and I became very rocky. I was trying to make him happy- would not call as much or text (trying to give him his space) because he was not texting or calling me nearly as much.
    Well the last few days of our relationship went like this: he stayed w me Friday night (had great sex, had fun, everything was fine) he left early Saturday morning- he was taking his father to visit his uncle for fathers day. I did not hear from him at all the rest of the day until noon on sunday- he said that he had no reception and they were just leaving. He broke up with me that night. I found out a few days ago that he was actually never w his father- he saw this other woman. He is 25 and she is older- going through a divorce and has a kid. He said he has hung out with her probably 5 or more times. but it is as friends that have not been intimate (yea right)
    but if this is the case- then they are really getting to know each other, taking things slow- I know that i can never date him again- how could i ever trust him.
    but i cannot stop thinking of him. i picture the 2 of them together laughing and flirting. how can he not even care or think of me i was with him for 2 1/2 years!
    How do i get over him? or most importantly- how do i make sure he regrets doing this? it doesnt seem like she is just a rebound for him. he told me he couldnt drive the 25 miles to see me all the time, so we would hang out a couple times a week and on weekends. he is driving over an hour on the weekends to hang out with her…. HE TOLD ME TO GO ON DATES- to see other ppl, i know i should not have but i told him that i cannot picture myself w anyone else……how do i move on knowing that i have already been replaced? it does not seem like this is just a rebound (maybe for her….but i feel like he really likes her.)
    He had also said he wanted time for himself to think about things and do what he wants- he has been over w her every weekend- how is that giving him space???? how do i move on knowing that he does not care anymore?

  69. Luciano 17 July 2011 at 8:02 pm Permalink

    Hello people. Just want some advice or opinions on how to get my ex girlfriend back.

    We were together for only half a year, but it was a really intense half a year, in which a lot of things happened. The first 3 months I worked my ass off to make her want me. Than, when she wanted me and started loving me, I, for some stupid reason, started to take a step back. So in the last 3 months I broke her heart constantly, not being there for her when she needed me. Especially during her pregnancy (which freaked me out) and soon after during the abortion decision. She rightfully dumped me, I cant blame her. I probably would have done the same thing.

    After she broke up with me, in the first weeks I was angry at her for doing so. I did not contact her for 4 weeks. When I did contact her eventually, it turned out that she got back with her EX-boyfriend she missed the most. Than I became sad and desperate for having her. I had, what they call an emotional break up black-out. Which means, I started showing my weak side, calling her in the middle of the night, crying to get her back. Sending her flowers and poems by text message. Than I poured my heart out in a 3 page letter, begging her to take me back. She replied with a letter telling me that she did love me, but her love has died. She is happy for being back with her ex-boyfriend. And that she will never take me back.

    Yesterday I send her a very long and rude text message, telling her that a person that could move on so quickly, could not possibly have loved me for all those months. Her reaction was that with this text message I acknowledged her reason for leaving me, and that I would never change. I reacted by blaming her for the break up because she never loved me (this reaction was actually repeating my first one). After that, she did not reply.

    Now, I dont know what to do to get her back. It looks like its a hopeless situation. Can anybody give me some advice where to go from here? What should I do, and what shouldn’t I do?

    Thanks for your reactions! Luciano

    • Osirus 24 July 2011 at 2:23 pm Permalink

      Just curious Luciano where do you live? It sounds like we have the same female LOL! Story is so similar. I live in Alabama.

  70. deb 23 July 2011 at 3:24 am Permalink

    i lived with my boyfriend 16 years he cheated we split up gave him another chance 3 years later he did it again with the same girl he left me and moved in with her does he still care about me or did all them years together mean nothing to him and can he just not care about me anymore

  71. Justin 24 July 2011 at 5:19 am Permalink


    I am just seeking some advice. I was in a gay relationship for almost two years with my boyfriend. We had the best time together, and it was like love at first sight. We couldnt get enough of eachother etc. We had a great relationship however we did have our ups and downs as every other relationship. He lives about an hour away from me and didnt have a car so I always made the effort to go to where he lives to stay with him and spend the night all the time. We both loved eachother very much however in January we had a huge distance between eachother as didnt really talk to me for 3 weeks. I know he was stressed with school, but he wanted to break up back then. We made things work and he stated that he couldnt see himself with anyone else except me and he loved me very much. He just broke up with me again after we fixed our problems back in January. Everything was going fine from then until now, literally no fights, maybe a little discrepency here and there but nothing major. I celebrated his birthday with him, everything seemed normal and then a week later he broke up with me. He stated that he’s been feeling distant over the past 2 months and he doesnt feel like he is in a relationship anymore. He stated I never use to text him when I was work or call him to talk which is not true. He also stated that we are not compatible because we dont click. We did everything together from cooking, cleaning, spending time watching movies together etc. He stated that he only loves me as friend, nothing more and wants to be friends. Can you guys please help me and give me some advice. Its been a month since we broke up and I started no contact for a week now. I love him alot and I know he is the one for me and I am willing to do whatever it takes to get him back into my arms again. I have a gut feeling that he is the one. Also just to note he is 21 and I am 25. Do you think its a age difference that is causing this and he needs to go see what else is out there? Please help!

  72. abigail 24 July 2011 at 8:59 am Permalink

    Hey Ashley,
    i really do like my ex and we havnt really been together for long before the assumed breakup..normally we argue a lot but its so obvious that we are really into each other.but due to trust issues.,ainly because his ex was still into him.he suggested that we should just breakup and be friends for a while until we totally trust each other and we are ready to come back..initially i panicked and was always calling him,sending messages but he replied some and ignored others totally acting cold..i know he is still into me but i just want to be sure and get back with him.please what do i do

  73. db 30 July 2011 at 12:46 pm Permalink

    I broke up with my ex. After leaving state I found that I wanted to be with her. When I came back she was seeing someone. I see pictures of them hugging and kissing. It has only been a few weeks. She told me she does not want to be friends or even talk. I had not seen her for a couple weeks and ran into her at the office I have to go to. I have been doing well and was in a good playful mood with people like I used to be. When I left she sent a message asking if I hate her now. She looked a little sad when I left but she is seeing this guy and seem so happy. She is friends with his family and the same for him. So should I message her back or leave it be?

  74. rahul 1 August 2011 at 1:14 am Permalink

    Hello Ashley,
    I just saw your video and it kinda really calmed me down. I miss my ex-gf. We were together for 1 and a half years but everything came crashing down because I had to enlist into national service, coz she thought we were incompatible, and coz i screwed up a couple of times. After she first dumped me, I was heart-broken but I didnt give up trying to win her heart back and we did patch back together. However it did not last. Since the start of this year, another guy came into her life. He flirted with her a lot and they started talking a lot and as much as I hurt knowing all this, I didnt do anything coz I had no right in telling her to stop talking to him. Yeah pretty soon, they started meeting and got very close. This was a very difficult time for me as my dad had just been admitted to a mental hospital – My dad always had the worst form of sciziophrenia and she knew about it. So, as you can possibly imagine, it was a hugely emotional time. Also to make matters worse, I went to meet her one day, completely out of the blue, to congratulate her on doing well for her exams after she just told me. I came there only with the intention of making her smile with a hand-written letter and flowers but as I approached her house, i saw them – the new guy and her, making out. They werent together! Wow, I dont know how to describe how absolutely excruciating and upsetting the whole sight was. Before I knew it, I had tears rolling down my cheeks and i just stood there frozen to the gr0und. They saw me, she was completely appalled. I dont know if this was the right thing, but I had no control on what i did next. He came up to me and tried to act nice and I, with all my untested strength gave him the strongest right hook to his jaw. All she said was that she liked him and that she’s so sorry. I looked at her once and i know she could see the pain in my eyes. I left. Seeing them kiss really messed me up. I cut no contact for some time but she kept calling me to apologise. However, as I had to deal with my dad’s condition, I became completely messed up in the head. I did everything you warned not to do in your video. After a few weeks,I begged her to come back, tried hard as hell to tell her not to go on with that guy, even lied to get her sympathy. I called her several several times. I basically appeared as a psycho to her.. I mean now shes with that guy. They ve been together for 4 months and as much as you say that it is a rebound, I cannot help but see that it looks like they re in love and that they will never break up. Before the day she got together with him, she was surprsingly very open and told me that she still had feelings for me. albeit it not being the same way but she wanted to give him a chance and not hurt his feelings as he had already asked her and was waiting for an answer. I kept my cool, even though i was in despair and disarray inside, and told her I d always love her, no matter what decision she chooses and that I just want her to be happy. Well…. it seems that they re way in love now. Its very very sad. She was the most beautiful thing that happened to me but she changed. However, I truly fell for her and the only thing I can wish for now, is to win her heart back. It just really really sucks that shes gonna remember me as a ‘psycho’ or a ‘liar’ coz of how i reacted upon them getting together. Im sure you can reason with me in the sense that I reacted so unattractively coz I was not in my senses. Granted, what I did was unbecoming of me, but seeing them make out, seeing a photo album of them on fb and having to deal with my dad and all the various conversations she had with me telling me how her bf was better than me, kind of was too much for me to take; for anyone to take. I made the biggest mistake. I never gave up since she first dumped me till even after they got together. I should have dropped off the face of the earth a long time ago but I didnt. I was silly for not doing so, for continuing to try and hopelessly fail and push her further away. All i know is, from watching them make out that very very unfortunate day till now, I have suffered the worst of pain, yet I can still love her with all the broken pieces of my heart. She”ll never realize how much I had to go through, coz I genuinely love her. At least god knows right. The last time i communicated with her was through the form of a letter and her birthday present that I left outside her door. In it i wrote, ‘ Im sorry I lied and hurt you. I never meant to. I only want to see you happy but seeing you with him, tore me down. You ll never understand what I had to go through. I hope you like your birthday present, I only want you to be happy. As much as it hurts, I wish you all the best with your current bf. When i was with you, you made my life into the most beautiful dream, but now its like everyday I’m living is a nightmare. I love you and I ll miss you. I already do. I can only dream of the day you say i love you to me and mean it. goodbye.’
    I cut contact, and left for a family holiday the next day. When i came back , i got a call from her, I stupidly answered, thinking she would be nice and ask me how i have been, but she took the chance to insult me and put me further down, commenting on the photos I took with my cousin sisters that she mistook for other girls. She told me to never associate her as my ex and that I m the biggest mistake of her life and that she’s lucky to have met me only so she could appreciate her new bf. Well yeah, as hurtful as she was, I had never insulted her before so i just kept quiet and cut the call. Its been around 3 and a half weeks now. She called me once 2 weeks ago but I didnt answer. I ve been better but I still get nightmares of them kissing sometimes. I dont know what to do now. How long should i keep the no contact rule for? I wonder if she even misses me, now that shes probably sleeping with bf since they started off so physical. Please help me.
    Thank you
    (Sorry for my very long comment)

    • MAK 26 November 2011 at 6:41 am Permalink

      i think its time to move on.

  75. Bronco 2 August 2011 at 9:35 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley

    Great video. I really appreciated the advice you gave. I’d love to hear some advice on how to get my ex back in my particular situation.

    We had been together for three years and three weeks ago, she broke up with me out of nowhere while I was on vacation with my family. She said she has been elsewhere for months and just didn’t know how to bring it up to me (after we got into a fight that night about her hanging out with the person she is now dating because I never trusted that person). However, we were together the night before the break up and everything was as happy as can be, so I have a difficult time believing that she is completely moved on like she claims to be. Anyway, she immediately started dating this other person literally within the same night that she broke up with me. They hooked up that night (because she was upset) and have been together since for the last three weeks. Obviously, since I was dumped after three years with NO warning whatsoever and now have to witness her with someone else, it has been absolutely heartbreaking for myself to deal with. I’ve done everything wrong these last few weeks to fix the situation by being needy: crying, texting, calling, sending her flowers, buying her concert tickets, showing up to her house unannounced (things I am not proud to admit), and I’m sure these actions have been throwing her into the arms of this other person, right? I hope that’s the reason. It HAS to be a rebound relationship, RIGHT? She tells me she’s so happy with her new life and that a weight has been lifted off of her shoulders, which is very disheartening to hear. I know right now that I need to back off and give her space, but my problem here is this:

    We are moving into an apartment together in four weeks. We’ve been living together for the last year-and-a-half (juniors in college), but have space from each other right now because we are at home for the summer. Because it is so late in the game and rent has been paid, there are no available dorms or separate apartments to move into before school starts. Therefore, we are forced to live together at the end of August for the next year. I want more than anything to get back together with her after we sort through these issues, but I’m just unsure of how to handle the situation at this point because truthfully, we need to go apartment shopping (for necessities), work out setting up our consumer energy bill, and WILL be moving in together. Contact is inevitable. We have separate rooms in the apartment, but I am not sure how to go about the situation assuming she is still with this other person come move-in day. How do I win someone back that I live with if everyone is telling me to give her space and not be in contact with her?

    Thanks for the advice in advance. I’m looking for any help I can get.

  76. alison 4 August 2011 at 7:26 am Permalink

    My best friend of 2 yrs and i got together and had a 2 yr relationship. A few months ago i broke up with him due to him neglecting me after getting his new job. At first, he wanted to stay close with me even as friends because i was his everything and also because of all the things we went through together. i wanted things to work out again but he started to change and distant himself. i then found out that a girl at his workplace had been trying to be friendly with him by sending him emails. When i confronted him, he said they were just friends and he was too busy to think abt a relationship. after 4 months of no contact, (he didnt try to contact me either) he got together with the girl. she is everything he used to make fun of in a girl. i contacted him recently after my grandpa passed on and he came for the funeral. we had a talk and he told me things like how he has been feeling lonely and how he realised his job was not everything. so i then casually asked him abt the girl and asked him isn’t he dating her cause he claimed to be lonely. he said they went out a few times but there was nothing concrete. he then asked me if i was dating anyone because i found out he has been reading my blog on a regular basis and viewed the comments of a guy going after me. i didnt tell him if i was dating or not but left it hanging by saying i am not ready to commit to anything. he said he felt the same way and even said the people at his work place have been teasing him and the girl but he feels really annoyed about it. I then found out a day later that he has been in a relationship with the girl and have even met each other’s families. i dont understand why he had to lie to me. i acted very cool when we talked and made it seem like i was totally over him by joking and teasing about some things. why did he have to tell me things like he has got nothing to do but work and that he is lonely if he is seeing someone else? i thought he might want me back but he does not make contact with me at all. what should i do?

  77. Benji 7 August 2011 at 10:07 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    Thank you for the video it is very good advice. Please I will appreciate your advice on my situation.

    The reason my ex gave me for rejecting me is that I am christian and she is muslim, and by their muslim statutes a muslim woman could not marry a non-muslim man. This was after our 2years relationship, I want to note that she you used to bring up the religion issue but I always thought it was an issue that we had to resolve with our respective constituencies and not an issue that should divide both of us.

    She left me at the point when I felt we were very serious about moving forward. We were talking about kids and things like that…she is 28 and I am 32, I am her third boyfriend, her first long term r/ship so to say.

    Crazy thing is, she dropped the bomb the very day I introduced her to my mum, my ex and I live in a different country from our parents. And we also work in the same place which is big enough that we may not ever see each other. But essentially we are in the same social circle and we have lived together in the same house, my house, for more a greater part of our r/ship.

    How cruel could it be to dump someone just after they introduce you to their parents? Where did I go wrong? I had given her clear notice of where I was going. The previous month she was looking for a bigger house for us to move in to. Where did I go wrong?

    In my opinion, what happened is that my ex got in contact with another guy…the one she is dating now, who started to work in the same place and the guy picked interest in her and probably played the religion card…at least in a subtle way. He is muslim and has an arrogant personality. I am trying to play down the religion thing here but I know it played a significant role, I know what He and his friends did was to put fear in her heart about what could happen with her family like the family disowning her, telling her how difficult interreligion marriage could be etc. You know what I mean, but still I know she took the decision herself!

    Now from my calculation they got kissing after 3weeks of our break up, he was blatantly making moves on her while she was with me. Unfortunately, I was away for one month leave and this was when all their dealing blossomed.

    Well I am now alone, it hurts so much because my pride has been hurt, I do not know how much. I feel this guy took my girl maybe he didn’t maybe it was my ex that went to him. But all because of religion and I have to deal with being with them in the same place.

    At first I thought it was just the religion on her own part though I also suspected what was going on. At that point I did all the mistakes of trying to convince her but once I found out about the new boy through her, I simply withdrew, told her we could be friend but after two weeks on May 10th I told her to stop contacting me. Cos she had kept on contacting me through this period from Jan to May and I had to put my head together.

    Till today we havent spoken, I heard she had asked about me, but I feel it is because she wants to avoid meeting me at parties. I have met her at one and I totally ignored her. I know she is avoiding me.

    She had expressed some regrets about what she did, said she felt she lost her self esteem and felt like an extremist but could not get herself to tell her parents about me. She said she knew she didnt love the new guy right now but hoped that love will come one day. She also agreed with me that I had done everything a lover could do for a loved one.

    Well I just want to know if you could make a guess if she is in a rebound. Actually I know I shouldn’t care, because she hurt me so badly I do not know how I could possibly take her back even if she rolled on head to come back.

    I do not know how she could have ever loved me and did what she did.

  78. Ariel 20 August 2011 at 10:14 pm Permalink

    Hey ashley

    My gf just broke up with me on saturday, she came all the,way to my house, I gave her flowers same day she said nobodies ever giving her flowers. Starts crying, she said she doesnt wanna come to my house anymore and has a change of heart, she said she thinks she likes someone else and that the,person likes her too and they are most likely gonna hang out more they go,to same full week program, she then said shes really confused and doesnt know what she wants and that shes,ugly and to forget about her and act like I broke up with her. That shes not worth waiting for and not a good gf, we made out same day but she just left. This,girl was very insecure with me the whole relationship and said they didnt wanna lose me and beg during argurements, now she,randomly left, only 6 months,it lasted

  79. Cathryn 3 September 2011 at 6:02 am Permalink

    My Fiance broke up with me 4 months ago. We had been together for 4 years and 4 months. We got engaged January 2011 and 3 months later broke up with me. We used to fight, as all couples do, but it wouldn’t last long. Work and money issues were the root of all our problems. The reasons for the break up were all my fault, according to him and he said he needed space. A month after our break up, I found out from a third party that he had met a 46 year old woman, who has 4 grown children over the net. She lives in America and he in England. I’d say this had been going on for the last 3 months of our relationship. I confronted him about it and his reply was that’s she’s amazing and makes me look like a pathetic little girl, even though he had never met her. My ex is 25 and I’m 35. He has told his friends that I pressured him in to proposing to me and that the sex fizzled out. I do believe that he loved me – I was his first love, but he said I wore him down emotionally with all my moaning and stressing. This woman from America has now come to live with him, but she is old enough to be his mother and he says he now doesn’t want children even though we had our kids name’s picked out. Possibly because this woman won’t be having any more children and so he has made himself believe that he doesn’t want any. I love him with all my heart – he is my first love. He is in a rebound relationship and seeing them together kills me. He said to my face that he doesn’t love me anymore and that he hopes the next guy treats me better than he did. How can you just stop loving some one? If he was going to come back or he still loved me, surely he would have done it by now. Please would you be able to give me some advice about what to do now. I wrote him a letter saying that I agree with the break up and that I wish him happiness and that I hope this other woman gives it to him. We work together, but we don’t speak – only if it’s necessary and then we are civil, but we weren’t at first. I want him back, what can I do?
    From Cathryn

  80. heartbroken 5 September 2011 at 8:37 am Permalink

    Here’s my situation… I met my boyfriend at the daycare I was working at he was a single father of 2 beautiful kids.. We were head over heels for eachother as soon as we started talking we moved in with eachother after 5 months of dating we had our fights but nothing we couldn’t talk about … Anyway we were together for 2 years and he left me days after telling him I was pregnant…and weeks later he moved another female in with him and the children…when I ask him about her he doesn’t deny it but says ha ha think what u want but I’m not talking to anyone…in the meantime he hasn’t called or txtd about the baby…do I still have a chance of having a family with him?

  81. Row 6 September 2011 at 6:59 am Permalink

    Ashley, Ashley,

    I watched your videos ans was in the same situation. I did exactly this my situation was I treated her quite bad for years and she kept trying to make it work. She finally gavce up on me and when she went i finally realised how bad I was to her. I tried to win her back as she went of with some other guy but she would not believe a word I said. So i left it alone, then after 2 month or so she finally started texting me. She said she realised I was the one for her, so what you said I did exactly this and it was a rebound and it all worked well. BUT though its all worked out I cant get over the face she slept with someone else and she doesnt want to talk about it, this is one thing you have not mentioned in any of your videos and how to get over this as its a major issue to get over with and move on. Even though were fine now this is always at the back of my mind.

  82. zab 10 September 2011 at 5:09 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley

    I’m 24 years old guy from India. I was dating this girl 23 for 4 years. The emotional involvement between us was at the peak. We were about to get married on this Christmas until we broke up. This 27th of June, I was at my lowest in business. I was losing thousands of dollars for 3 months. Just because I was pissed off, we had a little argument and I sent her heart breaking sms that we should be separated. The next day she sent me a text that she agreed on that and told me that if anytime I need her she would be there as a good friend. I didn’t contact her for 40 days. After 40 days what I have found that she is in rebound relation with one of the staff members in her school where she was teaching. I initiated contact with her and then I made her realize that the separation was not at all serious and that was the fact that she was also aware about. She told me that she is tired of patching up the post break-ups that we had earlier and she is going to marry this new guy of hers on this coming December. I was like weeping and didn’t sleep for 5 days. Hell, I even didn’t eat. It’s not that I didn’t want to eat. My body was resisting any meal from entering in my tummy. Every time I closed my eyes, the thoughts of jealousy and desperation started entering into my head. I was continuously begging her pleading her to come back in my life. I was begging her that if she comes back we will start the relation from the new end. But she didn’t listen. One day I was crying and I just called her. She said she is guilty for what she has done and she didn’t even face herself in mirror while she is talking to me. The moment I heard that she is feeling guilty of being in a rebound relationship, I increased the intensity of begging and pleading in order to make things same as they were before. One moment she was with me the other she is firm with her decision. She was giving me confused signals that weather or not she took the right decision. I went to her home and got so emotional and exposed her in front of her mom that she is in a rebound relation. It’s India and love relations are taboo here. Though, her parents were little reluctant to our relation in the past but later on we managed to convince them for good. So when I exposed her, her next reaction was she is completely pissed off on me for what I have done. She also left the job and moved to some other city for higher studies. Hell, she even changed her contact number so that I cannot contact her. She even told me that she is not getting married to anybody and she is going from my life forever. I even contacted her new boy friend telling him that she is little pissed off and still loves me and you should not come between us. When she found out that I contacted him she got more pissed off. All this drama went on for 5-6 days and right now she is in some other city I don’t know where. However I managed to get her contact number from one of her friend but didn’t contact her till yet as I’m in NC right now. Before she was leaving I sent her a letter in which I agreeing on the fact that I appreciate her for that decision and sincerely apologize for all the drama that has created because of me. I even told her that she is right with that decision of her and she has every right to move on and choosing MR right or MR perfect in her own way. I even told her that may be spending some more time apart we would have a casual conversation but no pressure when you think you are ready. It’s been 6 days I haven’t contact her. She even stop using her email account as, her passwords are with me which she willingly gave me when we were together as she knows only little about internet. So, I just want to ask that would that be fine if I maintain the NC for at least 3 months because I was acting so desperately and needy before. This is the reason why she changed her contact number. I even stopped contacting her mother in order to maintain NC perfectly. I also stopped contacting her mother in order to prevent any preconceive negative thoughts entering her head that whether or not I’m in touch with her mother is a trick to get her back. Kindly, enlighten me if I’m going right on the track.

  83. Allie 14 September 2011 at 10:38 am Permalink

    I was involved in an on and off relationship for about 3 years. Everytime we got back together, it lasted longer and was better than the time before. He told me all the time that I made him a better person and I could tell after 3 years he had grown more patient and caring. I had to move halfway accross the country, and the getting back together and breaking up continued. During the break up times, he would call me every day, tell me I was his best friend, tell me he loved me and send me presents, but whenever I asked about getting back together, he would say he wasnt in love with me, and who knows, maybe wed be together someday, he cant say never because crazy stuff happens all the time. After being broken up for a year and 3 months and talking every day and saying goodnight every night as “best friends” he told me he was seeing someone else. I haven’t talked to him in a week because I am so angry and hurt. I feel like all those times he said I was important to him and his best friend, he just meant until he found someone new. He hasnt texted or called me once to ask how I am or if I am okay. I feel like if he really cared, he would check on me. Right now I feel like I dont ever want to talk to him again, and I dont think I want him back, because he has hurt me so much, how can he really love me and care about me when he keeps breaking my heart over and over? I know I deserve better, but have never loved anyone like I love him and everything reminds me of him. It mostly just hurts to be tossed aside after so long of being there for eachother day after day. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend, and more than that, the only person who really knew me and liked me anyway.
    Is it best if I continue to not contact him whatsoever? I just wish I knew it at least bothers him that I’m not speaking to him.

  84. Clueless 17 September 2011 at 3:28 am Permalink

    When I first met my ex and we hit it off immeadiately. But, I had planned a vacation and when I got back from it I noticed that someothing about him had changed. He deleted me off facebook, and he had started drinking and became very distant. I started to notice some of his issues. He had a problem with drinking, and I eventually found out that he was seeing another girl while he was with me. I believe he met her when he was lonley and I had met for vacation. She told me that he had met her family, and told them that she was the only girl for her, ect. I allowed him to get away with quite a bit. But I loved him so I let him get away with it.
    The last time we talked to each other we made plans to get together and I never heard from him. I went off on him via text and told him that I was sick of how he was treating me, ect. I also wrote on my blog about all the things that he did and sent it to the girl he was cheating with. 2 weeks later I get on facebook ( his is public) and I see that he has gone and married this girl . We both knew him the same amount of time ( 2 1/2 months) and he cheated on both of us.

    Anyway… my heart was ripped to shreds… I sent him a fb message saying congrats on your marriage… no response. Then…. a couple of months later my heart is still hurting and I decide to send him a goodbye letter and wish him the best with his wife. He responded with something very immature.

    The thing is… i still miss him . I still feel for him. Yes.. I stalk his page and the pictures look really happy. What should I do?

    • zab 19 September 2011 at 12:44 pm Permalink

      I can understand your situation. I’m going through somewhat similar situation. I even took poison to seek her attention. She knew that I took poison and yet she didn’t call me. Not even text me. And I still love her. We were together for 4 years until we broke up. Couple of weeks after break up she gravitate towards a guy. And yes this is a rebound relationship. I don’t even know what to do. She changed her contact number. Though, I managed to get her number but I’m not sure that’s her number. She won’t even replying to e-mail. I have her yahoo ID’s password and she knew it. She volunteered for the password as she knows only a little about internet. But that was before when we were together. I’m dying to feel the warmth of her. It’s only her mother who is in contact of me now. I can understand your situation “clueless”.

  85. John 19 September 2011 at 11:57 pm Permalink

    I was with my girlfriend for four years. We broke up about two weeks ago. She started seeing another guy about a month before we broke up. I have read a lot of your articles, and I have broken off contact with her. One problem I have is that we own a house together. She stay s home about 3 nights a week, and comes home every morning (I’m usually gone) to get ready for work. I have begun No Contact, but occasionally she trys to talk. Are there certain things it’s OK to talk about? The second question, is how long do I maintain no contact with her in another relationship? Do I hope it’s short and wait for it to end? It seems counter productive to talk about our past or future while she’s with another man, but she trys to bring it up when I see her. She is also convinced that everything I do or say is an act.

  86. Andres 20 September 2011 at 2:56 am Permalink

    Hello, Ashley how are you? thanks for rhe video on how to get your ex when shes with someoneone else. It really helped alot and I have a better understanding of things but my question is, how can I contact my ex while shes dating someone else?

  87. lalaland 21 September 2011 at 1:12 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    I want to buy your system but first I’d like to know if it will work for me. My ex and I broke up more than 2 years ago. He has since been with other people. I worked hard for us to be at least talking again and I have now come to a ‘ just friends’ plane with him. He told me today that he was in love with someone as he was confiding in me as a friend. He was very sad as this other girl has a boyfriend but it was clear he thought the world of her. I still love him very much and I want him back but I dont think he knows this at all. Will this system work for a case like mine?

    • Ashley Kay 21 September 2011 at 11:08 am Permalink

      Hmm, yea that’s tough. I think you need to get your feelings out in the open and let him know. At least then you’ll know what to do. If he is so wrapped up on other women, it may take him some time to realize if he has any feelings for you. If he doesn’t feel the same anymore (it has been 2 years), I think you’ll need to move on by starting indefinite NC in order to heal properly this time. I don’t think being “friends” with someone you’re in love with is a good thing for you (when they don’t feel the same back).

  88. Ariel 21 September 2011 at 12:02 pm Permalink

    Hey ashley

    My gf broke up with me 2nd week of august, said she thinks she likes someoe else ,is confused and tired of coming to my house, I broke the no contact rule called her drunk, I told her im over the break up and im dating other woman, and problem im having with a other ex. She said shes busy and going to church with some new guy. I know they are together now. I du/no what to do

  89. joel 24 September 2011 at 12:24 am Permalink

    Reunited with my childhood girlfriend back in jan. We lived far apart so my plan was to move closer . Well the job i had fell through and i moved in with her . Searched for jobs and could not find one . I KNEW living there was not a good idea and I was right . Things started to go downhill and finally i decided to leave so i could get a job and visit from time to time like we planned . She had said she needed her space and mostly wanted me to be happy and positive again . Well Imoved and got the job Iwanted but we talked less and everytime we talked she cried and started asking me questions about people i was hanging out with and posting on facebook . I was enjoying myself and wanted to show her i was happy and positive agian but then she was telling me she was mad that i left and confused . Itold her not to worry cause i am not i nterested in anyone else . Our last conversation on phone ended well with her laughing and telling me she loved me THEN I get a dear john email from her days later telling me she cant deal with the worry and stress anymore and that we have to stop seeing each other and that SHE DOES LOVE ME but its not about love its about getting over the hurt of me leaving . DOES THIS SOUND CONFUSING OR WHAT ? I am having a hard time putting my finger on the problem . I have not heard from her in weeks , I deleted her from fb cause i do not want to see what she is up to in case there is someone else and she is trying to make it look like i am the bad guy , I also delted her phone number so i wont be tempted to call . Her friends are now texting me and wanting to hang out so i watch what i say . Anyone ever been through something like this ? its almost as if she is jealous and she did mention once that she was jealous because i was able to pack up and leave and she cant because of job and kids . just curious what yall think .

    • Anne 26 September 2011 at 7:47 pm Permalink

      Hahaha. I think I can relate to your ex-gf’s feeling. I was like that to my ex-bf too.

      Believe me, she’s telling you what she think it is. That doesn’t mean she isn’t honest. She just probably hasn’t figured out what truly is going on with her. If you still love her, let her have her time to heal. Be there when she needs you during these moments but also be firm about your decisions. If she’s reacting too much or unnecesary to the problem, let her know CALMLY.

      As for me, later, I found out that I was acting out on my emotion. I was jealous and insecure. I imagined so many things going on with my ex’s “happy life” on FB and felt that I was left behind, tossed aside. I did so many things that pushed him away from me even further.

      Only when he told me firmly that he was irritated of how I dealt with the problem and how I kept insisting on other girls that he was being friends with, I snapped out and realize that I made it harder for myself.

      • Joel 27 September 2011 at 12:51 am Permalink

        I kinda figured it was that . I called her yesterday after not talking for 3 weeks and she had that defensive voice but later calmed down . She ended the conversation by saying take care of yourself and I said the same . I didn’t say I love you or anything I just said bye but I could tell that her tone was different at the end of the conversation . More subtle and not defensive . I wish this wasn’t happening . I’m a simple guy and don’t like games . I do love her but my patience is running out . I wish there was a way I could re assure her that I’m not seeing everyone or even have feelings for anyone else . She is the light of mt life and no contact with her is killing me day by day . I’m trying to be patient .

        • Anne 29 September 2011 at 12:10 pm Permalink

          How sweet of you to say that. Yeah, I don’t like games either but rushing won’t give a good result either. About reassuring her, maybe you can look up “how to deal with jealous partner” on Google or sth.

          One way to reassure a jealous person is being predictable. Only when things go out of ordinary or out of ways we usually predict things going, that’s when jealous partner has doubt. Maybe, whenever she calls, pick up asap. If you are busy, let her know what you are doing that is busy instead of just saying “hey I’m busy.” Let her know that maybe during the day, sth reminds you of her or when you guys were still together.

          However, be careful that you still must let her know about your patience running low because really…you can’t change her. Only she can change herself. If she can’t change her jealousy and insecure, they will get in the way of the relationship again.

          Right now, I think you did a great job so far. Just keep everything slow and steady. Build up the trust again. I hope the best for you.

      • sunil 27 September 2011 at 6:55 am Permalink

        hi anna…

        you said that youe ex-bf told you how irritating he felt and you said that you made your life harder for yourself..
        tell me what happened next?? is it okay with you guys now??

  90. John 24 September 2011 at 2:40 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley. I recently purchased your system and found a lot of great information in it. I think my situation might be hopeless but I wanted to ask you about it to get your opinion. Here it is:

    I met this girl online in the spring. We had an amazing connection once we started talking. We ended up talking every day for a month about everything even level 4 communication. She was away at school but after that time school ended and she came back home which ironically was only about 5 minutes away from where I lived even though neither of us knew it before.

    So we went on a few dates and were having a great time but then I made a huge mistake by asking her to be my girlfriend after only the third date. This was due to my insecurities about moving too slow in the past. I was the first guy she opened up to since her boyfriend of 2 years broke up with her last year and this made me asking this then even worse. She told me she was not ready and when she was it would be the best feeling.

    So after about a week and 1/2 she tells me she wants to be exclusive and we are for about a month. Then she says we need to talk. I have a feeling what she is going to say and I am right-things are moving too fast. I agreed with her but then I let my emotions get the best of me and said you don’t know what you want. She stormed off and that was the breakup. We tried to be friends right after but that fizzled very quickly.

    I kept thinking about her and how I feel we never got a chance to really further explore what we had because I was too busy trying to make everything so serious so quickly and not letting us get to know each other better and relax. But I had no idea how to reach out to her.

    So after about 2 months of no contact I see that she views my profile on the website we met on again. I take this as a sign and a week later I sent her a message telling her how I felt about her and reminding her of how she felt about me (she told me I opened her heart more than she thought possible by anyone)

    After more than a week and no response I tried a different approach I found on the internet-the apology letter. I sent her a message telling her I agreed with the break up and it was for the best and I learned so much from it and I was sorry for hurting her.

    I planned to go no contact but over the next few days my emotions got the best of me as I realized that for awhile she was putting my happiness before hers to give me what I wanted (for her to be my girlfriend) even though she was not really ready because she cared about me.

    So I sent two more messages bringing up some parts of our relationship and telling her I knew she put her happiness aside to make me happy. Then I got emotional again a few days later and sent her one final message telling her I know those last things I said upset her and that I was sorry for them. Then I planned to go no contact.

    Much to my surprise there were two messages from her that night. This is what they said (I will capitilize where she did):

    Message 1: You have NOT hurt me with what you said. Leave me alone.
    Message 2: By the way, don’t tell me you KNOW how I feel. You do not KNOW how I feel. So don’t assume things.

    Then she just kept waiting online and viewing my profile waiting for a response. I really did not want to say anything but eventually I said this:

    I am sorry for assuming how you feel. I tend to overanalyze things and I thought that bringing up the past would upset you because it upset me. And you are right I do not know how you feel because you will not talk to me. At least I know I did not hurt you.

    I left and right before I went to bed I saw this one final message:

    I am not talking to you because there is nothing between us and there never will be. I am over it. You were not right for me so I let you go. That’s it. Sorry.

    So based on this it seems it is over. Now I did watch your video where it said if an ex shows any emotions or tries to get a response out of you that is a good sign. And here she was clearly upset for me assuming how she felt and also was waiting around to get a response out of me.

    I have been in no contact for 2 weeks since then and one curious things that happened is that she viewed my profile 2 times during the first week(she could have been reading what I wrote again but who really knows).

    The most curious things is what happened on facebook. We were NEVER facebook friends. We never even mentioned to each other that we had a facebook.

    I searched for her before though and found she had a public profile so I am sure she did the same for me. Now the next day after she said this I found out she blocked me on facebook. I could no longer view her page because when I searched for her it said this profile is no longer available. And then she just totally disappeared from the search bar like she never existed.

    Then right around the same time that she viewed my profile on the dating website those last two times suddenly I was no longer blocked on facebook. I could now search for her and view her page again. I am trying to stay away from it though.

    What do you think this all means? Any help would be appreciated.

    • Anne 26 September 2011 at 7:36 pm Permalink

      From what you said, it’s clearly that the first thing you need to work on is controlling your emotion and not letting it get the best of you at the wrong time again.

      If she says “leave [her] alone” then just leave her alone. You purchased the system but you aren’t following it correctly.
      1. Control your emotion.
      2. Work out what went wrong and change for the better from there.
      3. Remove her resistance. (stop checking the FB and the dating sites)
      4. Focus on yourself!

      Would you rather rush the whole process and lose her again forever or being patient and work on it slowly but eventually getting her back for a life time?


      Even if she really did check your FB/dating sites regularly to wait for your response or whatever then she’s either haven’t made up her mind or is still being hurt from what led to the break up. Let her have her time and space to heal and realize what she wants. If you keep pushing her now, you are only pushing her further away from you.

      Strictly no contact for now. (no checking FB or dating sites for her movement) Work on yourself.

      • John 27 September 2011 at 9:16 am Permalink

        Thanks for your advice. I purchased the system after all of this happened so I just wanted to know if there is any hope for my situation. It’s been 3 weeks of no contact and I have a much better control of my emotions. I already figured out what went wrong and am working on these things for myself. And focusing on myself and the things I like to do as well. I just have a feeling it might be too late.

        • Anne 29 September 2011 at 12:24 pm Permalink

          I thought mine was late too because I did ALL the mistakes we shouldn’t have made (begging and all that.) Believe me, after following NC for 1 month, my ex texted me saying he wanted me back. (we were at different countries so texting and leaving messages were the only way to communicate) I didn’t purchase the system at that time.

          I screwed it up again by bringing up past arguments and we fought so many times again and he even said “this is it.” He was irritated, cold and distant and I thought I lost the chance that I had. I purchased the system just out of curiosity.

          I started it again. Focus a lot of myself. My friend told me the other day, “wow, it seems like you are finally over him. Even if you guys get back now, it’s a new chapter.”

          I’m not sure how mine is gonna turn out. Is it worth it? Is it too late? Is it gonna work out this time? I don’t know but I’m sticking to the plan.

          Don’t worry about whether you’re too late or not. Nothing is too late. Every day is a brand new slate, a new beginning. Would you rather stick with your plan or sit there and keep thinking it’s “too late” and not moving one bit? You are wasting all of the precious moment you can get her back by thinking “it’s too late.” You should think “Is this girl worth it?”

          Then again, I honestly don’t think you lose anything. The worse case is that she moves on. Well, then you guys aren’t meant to be. And guess what? You are already on the path to be a better person for the next future-gf you will have. Who knows, the next girl will be “the one.”

          We all feel “it’s too late” until we see positive results. I thought mine was too late too. Now…I don’t. :D. Enjoy the moment. You will be fine.

          “It won’t turn out like the way you wanted it to be, it will be better.”

          • Katie 29 December 2011 at 4:21 pm Permalink

            Anne…does NC really work? If someone is REALLY over you wouldn’t they just think wow they don’t care so I won’t? My ex and I still talk like “Friends” and have hung out acouple of times. Do you know if this is actually damaging me by us having constant contact after the break up? He says he only has feelings for me as a friend and he is dating someone else. But you wouldn’t anwser someones calls if u didn’t care about them.

            And I know he still secretly gets jealous. Lost on what to do and what steps to take especially “removing resistance” how do you DO that?

  91. Victoria chaddock 25 September 2011 at 4:18 am Permalink

    My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me in august saying that there is too much drama in my life, that he cNt be with me and that his feelings have changed. He doesn’t knowing he wants to or doesn’t want to be with me but he was so hurt by the amount of contact I had with the father if my son. It was a very abusive relationship and had to detangle myself. I realized thi that I didn’t want to lose this wonderful loving man and so have pit in place very clear boundaries. My boyfriend has contacted me, talked to me and helped me through a very tough medical issue recently and was caring, and sexually intimate with me again. However I discover that he has been dating someone and saying that he misses her whe genus sleeping at my house. He clearly states that it is over but that he wouldn’t be there if he didn’t care, that he doesn’t know, and that he wants me to date other guys and get over him. I’m confused, hurt, betrayed and not sure what to do next. Can he forgive the hurt I’ve caused him, and can I ever trust him again after he said he was not dating anyone?

  92. Mark V. 26 September 2011 at 10:09 am Permalink

    Hello Ashley!
    I found your video and I’m glad I came across it. It has calmed me down a bit and given me a bit of “hope”. Me and my ex have known each other for 6 years now. She lived with me the last 3 years. Although we weren’t bf/gf all 6 years, we were there for each other, especially living together. She got kicked out of her home and I made the mistake of feeling that since she can’t go anywhere else, I will be able to do whatever I want. I seen other girls, she seen other guys but still at the end of the night, we were together. For the most part me and her got along really great, we were compatible like no other. I care for her so much, helped her with school, loans, bought her a car. I know money doesn’t buy love but I’ve done so much for her to prove that I care a lot about her. The past year I didn’t see anyone, it was just me and her without the label of being bf/gf. I regret it so much. I know I’m pathetic for only realizing when its really gone but she left me. She started hanging with some guy and I didn’t mind, little did I know she got feelings for this guy and was doing stuff with this guy to the point where I knew something wasn’t right. Our intimate life just collapsed and I figured somethings not right. I confronted her about it and she lied to me. I confronted her about it a week later and she finally caved in and said shes been dating this guy for 3 weeks. I got really frustrated because I’m helping her financially while she’s someone else. Anyways, I said stuff I shouldn’t of had. She left and moved in with this guy. It’s been 4 weeks that she’s been with him and I text her and send her pictures of us and I don’t know. I feel so hopeless! She said she’s perfectly happy and that I should move on. I’ll find someone soon and be happy. She keeps saying move on. Ashley, if you’re saying to move on and live life, it’ll bug her when she sees that I’m not caring… how would she even find that out?? I stopped texting her for about 4 days and she never messaged me at all. I really do have a feeling that she has moved on. I just can’t accept it. I’ll try my best to stop contact but I wish I knew there was an easy way in doing that. I tried doing things with friends, going out, but when I’m alone, it just hurts so much. Thank you Ashley!!

  93. Hayley 27 September 2011 at 10:06 pm Permalink

    Hey, iv just come across your system. i was just wondering before i purchase it wether it will work in my situation.

    i was with my ex boyfreind for nearly two years, we broke up two months ago because he said he no longer had feelings for me. he said he wanted us to be freinds, even though i was hesitant i agreed as didn’t want to lose him. We got on great and at times it felt like we was still together, but i could no longer hold it how i felt and told him i want us to get back together he said he didn’t think it would work. But he doesnt’t let go of me either? So i told him we can no longer be freinds, he said he wanted to see me one last time, so we met up it was very hard for me so i walked off he messaged me immediately and also said ‘i will always be his’. Now he claims he@s seeng someone else. Do you thnik i should still try? I love him so much : ( x

  94. Demetria 29 September 2011 at 5:11 am Permalink

    Me and my Ex broke up in April but we still go out and and still play girl friend and boyfriend we truly love each other but he has a child with another girl from before our relationship and it seem like he is just trying to keep the peace with her and say forget about me but he tells me he wants to be with me. I really don’t understand do we have a chance of being committed again?

  95. Demetria 29 September 2011 at 5:12 am Permalink

    Me and my Ex broke up in April but we still go out and and still play girl friend and boyfriend we truly love each other but he has a child with another girl from before our relationship and it seem like he is just trying to keep the peace with her and say forget about me but he tells me he wants to be with me. I really don’t understand do we have a chance of being committed again?

  96. ariel 29 September 2011 at 1:36 pm Permalink

    hey anne

    my GF broke up with me last month. She said she thinks she likes a other guy who goes to her program. I called her two weeks later kind of drunk and said im over the break up and that a other ex was around causing me trouble. She said shes moved on and is going to church with this new guy and she has to go. I haven;t spoken to her since then. Do i still have a chance? we been together for 6 months. It been about 2 months already and no contact

  97. J 30 September 2011 at 4:50 am Permalink

    so…my gf walked out on me while i was in the shower. we had had an argument about sex (couldn’t understand how i could have a higher sex drive that she being that i’m in my late 30’s and she is in her early 20’s), the whole time i try to talk but she does not know how to talk & communicate so she walked out (all learned behavior from her mom, her mom used to do the same thing). we talked on & off thru FB messages being that she has no phone and really didn’t want to talk anyway. so a month and a week later i send her a message being that she hadn’t responded in a few days (she just stopped contact all of a sudden) and pretty much said that i knew she wasn’t ready to talk in person but when she was to let me know if she wanted to. not even 30-45 mins later she called saying she couldn’t be anymore ready than she was now. so we talked and she said she had slept with another guy from down the street but it was just a “F” and he was messed up on drinks and pills so he couldn’t keep it up and lied to him about her “finishing” (cuz she didn’t) and wanted to go home so she left. Now after us talking, we went out that weekend and she told me how she knew it was a mistake and it was wrong but she already had it in her head that she didn’t want to be with me anymore and had no plans on getting back together with me and it was just a “F”….but she regreted doing it and the only one she could think about was me and that is why she called (it was a little more than a week apart from sleeping with that guy to attacking me in bed after we went out). She has told me to go out and sleep with someone else if that is what i need to feel like things are even, but i haven’t….although i had PLENTY of chances to sleep with other girls during this time and she knows this. she understands now how all of her actions during the time we were apart are the same actions her mom would do with her relationships which is why i told her no man ever stayed with her mom and her brothers and sisters have different dads. she has now realized this and started couseling and going to a church that also incorporates (to me) basic psychology into the sermon. the first time we went it was about “toxic emotions” and all of what was being said related to her and our relationship. she is REALLY trying to turn herself around and prove to me that i am who she wants….but i am now caught in a dilema. i have advised her that i want to take things slow (dating wise) and advised her that i am not going to be saying she is my gf, but she tells people i’m her bf. i feel like she came back into the picture right at my final stage of letting her go for good, but she jumped right back in while there were still feelings lingering around for her. i’m confused now as to whether i should take her back fully or not. any suggestions???

    • Lisa 1 October 2011 at 10:18 am Permalink

      “we had had an argument about sex (couldn’t understand how i could have a higher sex drive that she being that i’m in my late 30′s and she is in her early 20′s),”

      Women typically reach their sexual peak in their mid-thirties. Look it up. It’s a well known fact.

  98. Mike 1 October 2011 at 2:21 pm Permalink

    Ok. My story is complicated. I saw this girl for a year and a half. We loved each other very much, but broke up due to stupid reasons. She found someone in a week. Watching this video and other research, it has all the red flags of being a rebound. Roughly how long does a rebound last??

  99. Niall 2 October 2011 at 8:40 am Permalink

    My girlfriend for almost 4 years left me for someone else. Actually her ex. Two months ago, she asked for some space and time just for herself, she told me to wait for her and she still wants to fulfill our plans together. But only to find out that she already cheated on me. Oh my God that was so painful. I have this high hopes that we could still be together. But no, she cheated on me, and still blame me that I’m the reason for this. I talked to her and told her that I will let her go but she cried and told me to wait for her. She said that she’s waiting for the right time and collecting VALID reasons to left the other guy. Well in short, I agreed to her. But days passed and I thought that we’re okay but after having an argument she told me that I was nothing compare to her new guy right now. And she made up her mind saying she chose this guy over me. And worst she even told me that she doesn’t love me anymore and that she loves this new guy. It felt like that my world was shattered into tiny pieces. I beg her to to stay saying okay I will wait for you. She said are you sure? I said yes, then she said okay it’s up to you. Days, weeks, passed. We are already strangers to each other. I don’t text her, but everyday she’s texting me and checking how I’m doing. And there are instances that she’s calling but I weren’t able to answer it. And sometimes when I replied she doesn’t returned back. I’m confused, wondering. Obviously I want her back, I want to steal her again. I want a future for us. I’m too in love to let her go. I really do love her. Ms. Ashley Kay, please help me. What should I do??? Please

  100. ralf 4 October 2011 at 11:53 am Permalink

    What if my Wife said that she is not in love with me anymore..she is already seeing someone only after 2.5 weeks of knowing the guy…he bought her 2 plane tickets for them to go to PR for her Bday in Nov…and he even already used the words i love to her…we are not even divorced yet….what should i do…im 32 she is 27 and the guy is 34….we have been married for 5 yrs knew for 8yrs..no cheating…abuse…she said that we are just not compatible..really after 5 yrs…we get along always…just communication was getting bad…things that i know can be fixed…

  101. Mike 4 October 2011 at 12:58 pm Permalink

    im married since one year and half, i lost my job in january so i started working with my wife at the business that we started, working 7 days a week and 11 hours a day it was to much so we started to have fight for every stupid thing. she have this little bad thing, she likes to drink and get drunk and i didn’t like it because i was unable to go no where because i have to pay attention to her instead of having fun wit her so when she was asking me to go out i was saying no and i think she got this like a punishment, anyway for 7 months we were fighting every single day and to be honest she didnt even want to make love with me anymore, anyway in july i got an opportunity to go to study for my last license and i left. after 3 weeks i was missing her so much so i went back thinking that i was able to surprise her and all her family was happy to see me except her so i asked what going on and she told me why i didnt told her that i was going back home so the day after i left really mad, than after a week and half i did the same thing and she was even more mad because she told me that she didnt like suprise so i started thinking that she was hiding me something and again i went back to my training. the phone call were really poor, no texting, nothing. so after another week and half i went back home and i asked her whats going in and she told me that she needed time to think because after i left she said that she didnt feel my pressure anymore and i said ok im going back to my stuff but dont call me or text me because i dont want to be your friend, remember im your husband so when u will make your mind up let me know. after 5 days i got a picture from my friend of 12 red roses with a ballon saying i love u, so i went crazy and i started calling all her family to know if they knew anything about it and nobody knew anything so i went back home for good trying to understand what the problem was and i found the card that came with the roses saying “i would like to have u in front of me to tell u I LOVE U”and she was so mad that she was laughing, anyway she already didnt want me to sleep in the same bed so i was sleeping in the other room, and after 3 days she told me that she didnt feel anything else for me anymore and it was better for me to leave. i left and for 1 month i didnt contact her, than i send a text to her asking to go out for dinner with the baby (which is her baby but i lived and slept in the same bed for 2 years so she calls me dady because she is 4 now) and she didnt reply to me, the day after i called her and asking how she was doing and everything but she told me that she didnt want to go out, anyway i left it there and 4 days later i called her and i told her that i was changed and i understood what i did wrong and i was able to make her happy again but to all the things i was telling her the only answer that i was getting was NO, IS TO LATE, so is clear that she is dating this other guy (im a pilot and this other guy is a bartender in a club), since yesterday was the baby b-day i told her if she wanted to go with me to Disney and she said no but via facebook i saw that she went with him, and she also said that now thanks to me all her private life is public to her family so she told me to forget that me and her will go back together. at this point i really dont know what else to do because i love her to much and im willing to take her back even if she is dating someone else, but she doesnt give me any opportunity to see her face to face and talk to her, so since 3 days now i went back to the no contact.



  102. Amanda 4 October 2011 at 6:26 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashely I still have feelings for my ex but he went back to his ex girlfriend can I still get him back?

  103. Amanda 5 October 2011 at 4:23 am Permalink

    Hello Ashley,

    I wonder if my ex’s new relationship is a rebound we were dating about 6 months then we had some issues we need to work on we both wanted to work out our problems weeks after he gets a phone call from his ex that tells him she wants him back when I heard about his it ripped my heart in half because he told me that he loved her but he also loved me so he had to choose between me and her which I agreed to wait until he made his decision.

    Things got back to normal weeks after and I got uneasy because I wasn’t sure that I would get picked and I felt nervous and scared of the thought that I started to panic alittle. I didn’t want him to pick but he did have to make a decision sometime or later so I relaxed and let things take it’s course. When I got home from school that one afternoon he texted me about being unsure of something and I asked him what it was he was unsure about but I got a feeling it was something bad so he told me that he was unsure of wanting to be with me. When he told me that my heart sank and I felt like crying but I didn’t want my family to worry inside my head asked why did he choose his ex over me and I knew I had to accept it. After awhile I cried and felt angry at myself and then I realized that I wanted him back and that I still love him and I had to get him back but I don’t know how without ruining his new relationship please help me?

  104. somebody 6 October 2011 at 1:26 am Permalink

    this is the second time my girlfriend has left me this year and its the 2nd of our total relationship. i try to keep my distance from her but whenever i do i keep seeing her having a great time and looks happy with her new guy and really want her back because i really do love her. we also promised each other so much even though we were together only for 2 years and a half. i really need help on how to get her back quickly and it would mean SO much if you would help me.

  105. Seth 6 October 2011 at 2:16 am Permalink

    My girlfriend of 4 years then fiance of 1 1/2 years hadn’t been getting along for a while and fighting a lot. We had a huge blowup about something trivial and it was the last straw. She insisted we end it. She said she wasn’t attracted to me because of my negative personality and constant need to be right all the time. I’m currently in the process of moving out and she is already “talking” to some other guy. She says she has no more feelings for me and hasn’t for about 3 years. I can’t understand how she would have stayed with me that long with no feelings. I can’t help but think her feelings are being buried by a combination of the breakup and this other person being involved now. Am I right to think this or am I just desperately clinging to something that isn’t there? Is there any hope for this?

  106. Ashlei 7 October 2011 at 4:45 am Permalink

    Iv been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now. Today I found out that he almost dumped me like a month ago. He lied to me and said it’s cause we don’t see Eachother but now we do and everything is fine, but really he was going to dump me for another girl. What do I do?? Point out that he lied :( but our relationship is going good. I feel heartbroken because how do I know if he had ever cheated on me and I seen him with another girl ;( today were going to the doctors for my pregnancy test but is it really worth him coming with. Idk love hurts any advice ;(

  107. Shannon 8 October 2011 at 11:17 am Permalink

    I am in the same boat as everyone else here. What I notice in all of our posts is that the “relationship had problems” . Life is hard enough without constant disagreements and fighting. I know my ex left because he was just plain tired of the bickering all the time. I don’t blame him because i would often feel the same way.

    We all want to hope our ex’s come back. But if everyone went back to their ex’s there would not be anyone single in this world. So my suggestion to all of you is..move on. If they should decide to come back you can decide then what is best for you. But to dwell on what you cannot change is only going to make life more difficult. I am a female and I can tell you ladies that nearly every man I ever dated has contacted me again at some point. The reality is most of them were just “curious” how i was and not interested in returning to the relationship. Sometimes its just better to move to someone who loves you and you don’t have to be scared from one day to the next if they are going to leave you again!.. Once something like this occurs it is very hard for the one who got dumped to trust again. And in most cases the if you do get back together the trust is no longer there and its a matter of time before it ends again. I have been without my 3 year boyfriend for 3 months. I am now starting to realize that all this time focusing on something i simply cannot have has really disrupted my daily life and happiness. Take care of yourself, find someone who cares and loves you for YOU. There are so many wonderful people out there that would cherish every moment they have with you!.. Isn’t the ultimate goal to find someone to share your life with? Get married etc? Someone you can call a true partner? Do you really want to have to constantly walk on egg shells and doubt your partners true intentions? Or do you just want to know in your heart they love you with all their heart without a doubt?… Do you really want a relationship filled with stress? I have done a lot of self analyzing and I think that everyone needs to do that. Actions speak louder than words. Don’t go based on their empty words go based on their actions. If they say they love you , why arent they with us? If they say they miss us why are they dating someone else? People generally dont want to hurt others. So sometimes saying whatever will make us feel better at the moment and get them out of the situation is often the best option for the dumper. Unless they are knocking on your door , broken up with their ex and begging you for a second chance. MOVE ON!. Because chances are they are just toying with your emotions. Dont let them!..

  108. oliver 8 October 2011 at 8:04 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley
    My marriage ended after 6 months wife says she don’t love me in a long time trust issues i never cheated or anything did my best for her and kids anyway she has a new boyfriend in 3 weeks after brake up but it seems she was setting that up before we broke up i love her with all my heart and soul and we both still live in same house it kills me to see her go out knowing shes with him i mind kids most times she is not here much her boyfriend looks a bit like me only bit fat but he seems more outgoing fun i used to be but when the kids come along i Wised up now i did drink a bit in start of relionship she says now its her turn. we have been going out 11 years and we broke up 5 times over these 11 years she says i give away her trust in me i told a secret to her family but it was because she was doing something illegal at time i was trying to help that was 7 years ago when our frist child was born she never forgive me is there any hope for us getting back together she says maybe perhaps in time she don’t know or is she lieing t make me happy. she also said she only married me beacuse she thought it might fix things but she dont love me like she should.
    seeing am liveing in hosue will this prolong the relisionship shes in
    thanks for any help in advance

  109. Molly 9 October 2011 at 4:13 am Permalink

    Hey Ashley… I need some advice. I had been “talking” to a guy for two years before he finally decided to date me 4 months ago. He had made out with a few other girls and told me it wasn’t technically cheating since we weren’t technically together. Well last night we were out at a local restaurant drinking with his parents and a few close friends when he got up saying he was going to get a menu. After he was gone for a few minutes I looked around for him and he was at the hostess stand talking to the hostess. Well at first it didn’t bother me but 30 minutes went by and he was still over there. I finally decided to just walk outside for a bit and his mother followed me out. I told her I just needed some time alone. Not long after that my boyfriend walked outside and I refused to talk to him… Probably a combination of the alcohol and trust issues. He said it was just an old friend he was catching up with. Well he ended up leaving me there and I had to ride with his parents. When I got to his house he had his door locked and had put all of my stuff in my car. I tried calling him a few times and I finally just started knocking on the door. He finally opened it and just screamed at me to go home and that I had overreacted. I asked him if we were done and he said yes. I went home, woke up this morning and sent him an apology text and got nothing back. Was I wrong to react that way?? And what do I do now to get him back??

  110. genevra 11 October 2011 at 9:41 am Permalink

    everyone false in love some day, but there will always be a persone that will try to break this love so don´t let this person get close and live Happy after

  111. Kate 12 October 2011 at 6:17 pm Permalink


    My boyfriend betrayed my trust and we broke up once, then he worked so hard to get me back, I fell s deeply in love with him but we had a few arguments, he decided to end it. He said he didn’t love me anymore and the spark was gone but i know there is something there worth fighting for!! When we dated he told me he wanted to marry me, so I know at some point he loved me A LOT. How can he jjust say that vanished? I have already been stupid and texted and called a lot, then recently told him I agree to the break up and will give him space – like you have suggested on other sites. It has only been a few days with no contact – I want him back so badly. I wish he missed me like I missed him, Please Please Please help me!!

  112. Christopher 15 October 2011 at 10:14 pm Permalink

    Hi Kate my wife has decided to give me another chance 3 weeks ago she said to me then she wanted to break up that she loves me but not in love with me any more because I put many things before her I realise now it was terrible what way I treated her I took her for granted but now I realise how much I love her she wants to take things very slowly at the moment we are still living and sleeping together I told her she is number 1 in my life and I am so sorry and I have changed at the moment now she hasn’t showed me any affection yet I wonder what I should do now Kate I said I don’t us to be this way in a years time she says it won’t take anywhere near it will be well back by then if she is so sure why not start now the longer she stays out of love for me then I fear my love for her will eventually dissolve

    • Ashley Kay 17 October 2011 at 9:32 am Permalink

      Show her love, make her laugh a lot, be there for her. In time you’ll be back together again. But remember to put priority on the relationship and mostly on her.

  113. Andre 17 October 2011 at 12:21 am Permalink

    Hey ashley, my girlfriend left me suddenly for another guy out of the blue. i was in complete shock and disbelief, and of course I went into the usual calling, texting, asking, which probably did more harm than good. After finding your video and hearing it, it made sense to me that what i am doing is just driving her into the arms of the new guy. It was a good thing I discovered it early, if not the damage would have been too great to repair. You mentioned sudden jumping of relationships are termed as “rebound relationships”, meaning it is just a temporary thing to make them feel good. How do I maintain my chances of getting her back to me again? Do I use the “No Contact Rule”? Please advise on what i can do to get her to come back to my arms again. Please help me!

  114. shadow6 17 October 2011 at 3:22 am Permalink


  115. izzy21 17 October 2011 at 1:29 pm Permalink

    Heyy i was in a long distance relationship and she is my best friends cousin and we were together for 3 months broke up for 2 months and then got back together and broke up again last month and i still love her and idk if she still feels the same and if we could get back together. please help.

  116. Dalton 18 October 2011 at 7:52 am Permalink

    Hey. My Ex girlfriend left me 4 weeks ago today. At 1st I had no idea why but over the last few weeks I have put a lot of thought into it and i now know why. When we first broke up she said she wanted space but as i was distressed i kept on texting and calling her. We ended up speaking quite well, to the point where she was even calling me, but then one day i asked to see her and she flipped out saying I was being too pushy etc. Over the next few days I text her but her replies were short and blunt so i decided to try out the No Contact rule. I didn’t speak to her from Saturday until Tuesday when i seen her at university and already I seen an improvement. She was a lot nicer to me and even looked like she missed me a bit. I kept up the NC rule until Thursday when she messaged me. Her message was casual and didn’t mention anything to do with us but i took it as a very good sign that she messaged me. The very next day she messaged me asking for help the following week with her uni work which i took as a good sign cause she could have asked anybody. I kept my reply cool, saying I’d be more than willing to help her but I was busy so would need to try and find time (i wasn’t too busy for her, I’d cancel anything to see her). At this point I’m thinking that I’m well on my way to getting her back….and then things took a turn for the worst. My best friend (also one of her friends who she met through me) messaged her and asked what the update on the situation was. My ex replied saying we’re just friends, she doesn’t see it going back to anything more, she doesn’t want to be tied down as she is too young (she’s 19, I’m 20) and that she thinks i get that now. This was a MASSIVE blow to me as I thought I was getting on so well with the situation. Anyways, news of this message made me desperate to contact her and in the last 48 hours I have messaged her on two separate occasions and her replies have been far from enthusiastic. I’m lost with what to do. Everything seemed to be working out really well for me, even the way she messaged me for the 1st time after the NC was so much different to how she is messaging me back when I’m texting her now. I need someway to show her that she won’t be tied down and that we will be exactly the same way we were at the start of our relationship, that I’ll be the same guy…the guy she fell for. Please help as I have no idea how to go about this situation.

    • Dalton 18 October 2011 at 7:57 am Permalink

      PS. She said to me a few days before the NC that if i had just left her alone for a couple of weeks we could have sorted things out. I need to prove to her that she can have all of the fun she is having with her friends and have the amazing side to me as well. I need to also show that i am supportive of her dreams and ambitions. I truly believe we are suited perfectly so any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

  117. chino 19 October 2011 at 5:15 am Permalink

    me and my ex broke up four months i lfet the apartment and know he moved in she still talks to me texts me kisses me and said she misses me she tells me to wait but my feelings are messed up I work with her at night to so its harder for me what should i do?

  118. Christina 19 October 2011 at 6:43 am Permalink

    Would need big help…my boyfriend and I are together for 6 and a half years. he is 17 years older than me, but it never appeared as a problem. He told me at the beginning that he doesn’t want to have kids, he even wanted to break up with me then, as he said it’s not fair with me, but I accepted his decision, no kids, then no kids, not a problem. I even told everyone in my family back then. Thought we got over this question one for all, but now it came back again. He broke up with me 1 month ago, we still talk, now I asked if this is a break or a break up, he said it’s a break, but he knows at the end it will be a break up as he knows himself, he has doubts still. He thinks I will change my mind about not having kids and then it would be too late as I will be 30 soon. And he did not even believe that I told that to my family,but I told him now, and also that how I imagine our future together. Even he agreed that we are great together in every way. So now it’s a break he said he needs to think things through like this, we will meet next weekend half way between where we live, so in another town. How can I convince him by then that should give a chance to our love?How else can I prove that I made my mind up seriously about us and that I do not need to have kids, and can have a full life together with him? Telling it to him seems like is not enough…any suggestions?

  119. Ariel 21 October 2011 at 5:41 pm Permalink

    my ex icant get in contact with her. So i left a voice mail saying this is my new number an that i wanted to see how she wad doing. To call me back when she can. I hope i can talk to her again

  120. Nyan 23 October 2011 at 5:32 am Permalink

    My ex and I broke up a little less than a month ago after a three year relationship (he dumped me), and he is already showing interest in someone else. They have apparently gone out on two dates, and he has admitted to liking her, but he still “doesn’t know” if they are going to get serious or not.

    It’s very very confusing for me, because I have implemented the no contact rule from the first few days… but he has called me/facebooked me/texted me anywhere from every day to every two days wanting to hang out. Many times, I have been lucky enough to be busy about to do something else, but sometimes I have gone to hang out with him. :/

    We also have many mutual friends so we have run into each other several times from that as well.

    Unfortunately, I have already presented my disdain for him dating someone new. He says they are “not dating yet” but he doesn’t know how it will turn out… I told him I needed real time apart from him, because I didn’t want to hear about this new girl, and asked him why he’s called me so often even though he is interested in someone new. He said, “Well, I thought you and me were still friends and friends call each other to hang out”. I told him I understood this, but being around him all the time was not helping me get over him. I know I shouldn’t express my sad emotions to him, but it, unfortunately was elevated to that point. He then stated, “well, if you stop hanging around, we’ll just grow further and further apart, and I’ll just occupy my time doing something else.”

    I know he is trying to scare me into still hanging around him, but I said, “I feel like you only want me around until things get serious with this girl, and then I’ll end up in the background. I’m trying to prevent further hurt…” He said, “Not if we work at it!” but I know his mind will change once he gets closer with this girl. I’m really scared. :(

    He still wants me around, a lot. But WHY is he pursuing her? He finally came out with the truth yesterday, but now I’m even MORE confused. He thinks that I am secretly dating someone else already because I have been going out a lot with a friend from college and we are meeting new people, and I have become acquainted with several of her friends (and yes, I added the majority of them to Facebook). I TRY to remain vague, stating “I’m just meeting new friends”. He states, “Well you’ve been hanging out with her a lot more lately…”
    “Well maybe this is my way of trying to get over you! What do you want me to do, sit at home all the time? You’re already trying to date someone else so…”
    He said, “Well, have you ever thought that maybe I’m doing this as a way to try and get over you? Maybe this break up doesn’t have anything to do with whether or not I love you, just that I know deep down it would never work…”

    He also brought up the fact that I haven’t been calling him, with much hurt. “I’m the only one picking up the phone to call you. Our friendship is deteriorating because you aren’t making an effort.”

    I said, “I’m trying to get over you and calling you all the time won’t help that! I might also be afraid of being rejected… what if you are hanging out with HER?”

    He said, “Well than I would tell you I’m busy. But that doesn’t mean you never call!”

    I’m so very very confused. I’m scared that he will start to get closer with this girl, and I know that I’ve already broken a million rules, ESPECIALLY showing negative emotions toward his new “love interest”. In the heat of the moment, I accidentally called her a slut yesterday, (because of rumors I have heard) but then retracted my statement, and apologized, saying I didn’t know her and that wasn’t fair. He was mad that I called someone a name that I didn’t even know. (I know that’s a big no no in the rules) The fact that I haven’t called him has made him very upset and rejected feeling, but he still doesn’t want me back… he wants me around all the time though. The no contact worked, but not really. I don’t know WHY he thinks that it will never work. I kept telling him time apart will help us both in general, but he doesn’t want time apart. I know that it will make things less painful, and possibly allow us to reassess our relationship (though I haven’t stated that I wanted to get back together with him outright). Should I call him every now and then? I know that is against the rules, but he has been calling me the whole time and is upset that I haven’t called him. He thinks I’ve moved on, and I’m scared he’s moved on, but we both clearly haven’t.

    What do I do? I just want him back the way things were before, and I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and hard place. How can I practice no contact if he always wants me around. I am willing to work to fix the relationship, and I know that starts with time apart. Nothing I say helps the situation. I feel like my lack of effort for contact is only upsetting him further, and not helping. Please please help!


  121. Megan Richards 23 October 2011 at 9:59 pm Permalink

    Ok, i was with my boyfriend for 2 years and 4 months. it was perfect, we did argue but we always sorted it straight away as they were pettie..
    I had to move away and he said it would be fine and he would save enough money for me to come back and live with him again… but then a week later after i moved he ended it for no reason… heartbroken… but he was being mean about it all then after the break up he is with someone, he met her a week and 2 days after we split up.. this has to be a rebound?? to stop him feeling pain. How can i win him back…. ??x

  122. Edgar 24 October 2011 at 2:56 pm Permalink

    So I recently got dumped from a two year relationship… It happened when i found a new job 6 hours away and she said she needed time to do her own thing and left me… I recently went to pick up my stuff and she didnt want to see or talk to me.. she left the stuff at a friends house and that is that.. What does this mean.. I feel that we have been through a lot together for her to just not want to see or talk to me…Btw She left her ex boyfriend, who was abusive in every way possible, for me.

    • joel 26 October 2011 at 12:26 pm Permalink

      I hate it when women act this way . Show your balls dude like you don’t give a crap and leave her alone . Thats what gets to them the most . Its all about attention . Go find a HO and do what ya gotta do . I am not being funny either or harsh . They always have to make it your fault and put the guilt on you . My girlfriend kinda recently didthe same thing . When she started acting like that I left her ass and left her alone . Then her friends were monitoring me . I had to put a stop to that and I just wonder how she is acting now . Its usually caused by the fact that they met someone else and they get mad at you for no reason and make up reasons just so they can get rid of the guilt . Trust me dude HALL ASS away and when you do that she will feel like a slut . Dont matter if you pick up a Ho or not just make sure she is pretter and smiles a lot . That will make her scream . Take my advice , if your in the same situation as me then you deserve better . I bet she is around 40 huh ? They lose thier minds right about that time . Women are not strong enough anymore for commitments as long as there is shows like Jersey Shore and Housewife B.S. ….RUN DUDE RUN !! That will drive her batty !

      • sunny 26 October 2011 at 5:43 pm Permalink

        hi joel,
        i would like to ask you some questions because, i`ve been in the same situation man… i also know that my ex is having guilt and she`s finding new ways to get free of herself. she`s told one day when i talked with her happily on phone, without showing my desperation about the breakup, she told me that since i`m happy now, she has no guilt and she also accused me that i`m having so many girlfriends which is false. she doubts so and said she can`t live like that forever and she`s feeling no guilt now for leaving me… i sent her a letter yesterday saying that all she has understood is wrong and that whatever happens, i`ve decided to give her a months time and at the end of 30 days she can say her final decision. i mentioned that it will be the final decision in my life and i wont disturb her after that if the answer is a no…. tell me what should i do??

        • joel 27 October 2011 at 11:03 pm Permalink

          What you should do is go do the same thing she is doing . If you believe in the bible then go read Genesis . Eve was the one that was tempted by the devil to eat the fruit and she talked Adam into taking a bite . Get the picture ? Women have an evil streak in them and they cant help it . Unfotunatly for Adam there were no other ho’s around . Women get to a point where they want more . They always want more and YOU want what you can’t have . Go somewheres and find you someone else . I promise ya dude you will start picking up chicks that are really sweet and really dig you BUT you are not gonna want anything to do with them . Then you will see how your girlfriend is feeling and it will help you move on . Don’t go hurting these chicks . If you are not intrerested in them then do what your girlfriend didn’t do ….and that is be honest . You never know you might find a real good one and when that happens BAM your ex will be wanting you back but it will be too late . I have seen women , well take my ex for example . This one was married 4 times , engaged twice and 2 of them died . She told me this on the second date and all she ever had to say about these people were bad things . She refers to the ones that died as ” the ones that croaked ” ! She went as far as to teach the youngest daughter how to hate her father and to make him out to be a loser . She even said that one of her ex husbands married an ugly woman . Well , I went back and looked at thier FB pages and she is not that bad looking and they have been married for 2 years and they are really happy . What I am trying to point out is that this is how your ex is gonna react so do not let it affect you because if she does start doing that then you will know that she is jealous and also insecure with herself . Trust me dude her acting like she is acting is not your fault . Your best option is to disappear , cut all ties and go to a club or go to a church and find a really nice girl . When girls start acting like this then what I just told you is the best thing to do . Giving her that monthly option is no good . Thats not gonna mean anything to her . Alot of women will always make excuses to blame others for thier own faults . Go find you a woman that is able to say she is sorry for acting that way and grab her by the hand and go with it . If you really want your ex back then go chase her but the way it sounds , all you will be doing is wasting your time . Don’t let her actions discourage you . Think about it , if you were to get back together with her THEN do you think it will be different ? Of course not ! Why would you wanna live like that ? Go find someone that is sweet and honest and if you find yourself not interested then do what your ex did not do …and thats give it a chance . When she see’s that ( and she will ) the tables will be turned and it will mean nothing to you . Go enjoy life with someone who enjoys life and not the one’s who are NUT’S !

          • Edgar 28 October 2011 at 8:46 am Permalink

            She is actually 19 and Im 21.. I know that we were young and all that but things happen in a relationship.. that we arent proud of… She did multiple things that made me want to leave and i gave in all the time…and i also did something that was a sign of frustration and just felt stressed and stuck in a town i lived in with her… Felt that i was going to end up like the rest… I flirted with one of her friends over facebook and caught myself before anything could happen and i told her the same day that i fucked up and that i know what i did was wrong….so on with many apologies and just did everything to prove to her that she was my one and only… but i just was seeking excitement….. we talked about it and she talked to her friend and found out what i told her was all true and that i can at least tell the truth…. Well i later found out that , that friend was always jealous of my ex and my ex with her.. so they had that rivalry… She told me she couldnt trust me anymore….. after the months that had passed by she tells me this… i understand that i fucked up and i said a couple words that shouldnt have been said, but at the time i was just out of it…. I left my whole life for her and never rubbed it in her face or told her anything about it… But the day i did this, she doesnt try and just leaves me… ive heard of worse situations with other couples and shit… and this is nothing compared to them.. she lied for the last two months about saying she couldnt wait to marry me and just have our own place and all this BS…. and in the end she switches everything

          • Gina 27 November 2011 at 4:03 pm Permalink

            You’re an a** and apparently have never, ever been in love. You need to just leave this site.

          • Gina 27 November 2011 at 4:05 pm Permalink

            That comment below was meant for Joel…not you Edgar.

  123. Amber 27 October 2011 at 2:27 am Permalink

    This helped me alot, thankyou x :)

  124. Wade 27 October 2011 at 7:48 pm Permalink

    this is a strange situation. My fiancee and i decided to break up but we still had plans to live in the city together. It was because we made the plans and then broke up. Well our lives were ok as room mates. We didn’t have much drama and we acted like best friends. we have lived together for almost 2 months since breaking up. Well she went on a trip across the country to see friends that she has known from the internet for a long time. While there she hooked up with one of them. We are moving out of our apartment in a few days, we are both going seperate ways but she still wants to keep in contact and i do too. I was hurt a little when I found out that this happened but i kind of suspected it would. I have been supportive, it got to me as soon i found out but i dealt with those emotions and played it cool. I have been supportive of it. But i do still have feelings for her. So my question is, is this a rebound relationship she is in? And if i continue to play it cool and focus on my life is there a glimmer of hope that someday we can be back together?

  125. william 29 October 2011 at 12:57 pm Permalink

    My ex girlfriend left me and she is seeing someone else….But she still accepts my passionate kisses… We have a child togther, what is going on? Does she still want to be with me? im very confused. thx

    • Edgar 1 November 2011 at 2:53 pm Permalink

      You are always going to be in her life and so will she… due to your child… How old is she? she might feel to young to be tied down…

      • william 2 November 2011 at 5:14 am Permalink

        I’m 23, she is 21.

  126. john smith 30 October 2011 at 8:37 am Permalink

    my ex and i were dating for almost 2 yrs, well im in the military and i had to deploy. i told her i still loved her and she told me not deploy then. i couldnt do that and now shes tellin me she met a new guy and shes only known him for a month and she told me there getting married. i keep on trying talking to her and telling her how much i still love her and not to marry him and give me another chance, but all she keeps on telling me is to not contact her she loves him and going to marry him. whats going on here and should i just give up on her?

    • Edgar 1 November 2011 at 2:49 pm Permalink

      Have you done something in the past to cause her not trust you? A Lot of girlfriends hear from other friends and family that once you deploy that you will cheat and just cause pain to them… I also planned on joining the military and currently in school.. But first thing my ex questioned me about was that i was going to cheat on her oh and then she worried about me dieing….Thoughts like these run through everyones head… She probably couldnt handle the fact so she probably wanted to end it before she got hurt…. ANOTHER reason is… Guilt… Her telling you to not deploy is childish… If she loved you, she would support you and be there mentally for you… Instead she went the selfish way and told you not to go( pretty much telling you not to do what you want to do or need to do)… She might have talked to this guy for a while and she misses the comfort that you gave her.. Who really knows what went through her mind but… Loneliness can really fuck with your mind and she couldnt handle it… Dont beat yourself up for it… Things happen for a reason.. Time can only tell what is going to happen in the Future.

  127. Belle 31 October 2011 at 7:34 pm Permalink

    How do you know if a relationship is a rebound or not? If it goes on for more than a year and they are still togther, it can’ be a rebound, can it? Rebounds aren’t supposed to last that long… Besides, is it possible that a relatioship that starts up with a lot of problems, the guy not being over the ex, the girl cheating and not being over her ex, can it eventually work? I am in such a sitatuon with my ex, he’s been in his new relationship for more than a year, at first I was sure it was a rebound and he kept chasing me for contact, telling me his misses me and loves me still, but I am not sure anymore… If a lot of months have passed since our last contact (yes, I decided to leave him alone and go the “no contact” route), should I try to conact him?

  128. Wordlife 1 November 2011 at 7:39 am Permalink

    My ex dumped me in august and is seeing
    someone new quick, last tume we spoke she said she moved on with a new guy. I called her recently told her wanted to see how she was doing and its my new number, havent got a call back yett

  129. john shimizu 1 November 2011 at 2:55 pm Permalink

    me and her were talking she said she missed and thn i saw her and she said she sent me a email not to come and c her . but me and her planned to meet
    thn she kissed me and siad she still loved me and she wanted to rebuild , but she has a new bf now and everything , but she said she hates me and doesnt want anythign to deal with me . Is there anyway to get her back ? and she said she dosent want to deal anything bout me

    • george 26 November 2011 at 7:03 am Permalink

      Well maybe you could learn to write, and then send her a love letter.

  130. Jamie 3 November 2011 at 5:47 am Permalink

    Me and my ex broke up completely 2 months ago after being together for nearly a year. It was my idea, and I know i was wrong even before i found out about his new gf etc. I just hated being without him. I was not allowing myself to be happy with him. ANyways so its been two months he didnt want the break up at first but now he is all for it.. has a new gf and their moving pretty fast he’s even going to spend the holidays with her. I dont want to give up but idk if i should.. he says he doesnt love me in that way anymore. What should i do ?

  131. Carlos 5 November 2011 at 6:58 pm Permalink

    Alison! really! you cheated on him and you somehow believed the relationship to work?! there is a good reason you waited 18 years. if he did came back to you I feel sorry for this guy.

  132. Jaine 6 November 2011 at 4:24 pm Permalink

    I split with my baby father last year, we’ve been on & off with sex. I’ve done no contact on & off the longest for almost 2mths. Problem after problem, one minute were friends & the next were not. His said his single by choice and doesn’t want a relationship but closed all of his datin accounts almost a month ago. He used to check out my dating profile almost day. I called him up last night and he went mad at me saying I’ve no right calling him late, this he was ok with last week, so now my conclusion is his met someone else and that person must of been his company during that time. Usually he’d over and chill, give me cuddles or sex but this time he was angry & turned his phone off. I do feel I could have him if I wanted but so much has gone on which now I think it’s ended forever.

  133. Jaine 6 November 2011 at 4:30 pm Permalink

    Just to note This year I met my ex 6 years ago. Have I wasted my time trying to fix my family? Is it time for me to find a decent hottie. I’ve dated others which he doesn’t know about but I only did this to help with getting over him which isn’t working as I think about him everyday and in the company of others.

  134. Chance Bryant 7 November 2011 at 7:20 am Permalink

    my girlfriend just broke up with me today and its been nearly a year that we have been together. yesterday she went to a state competition for one act plays and she had met a guy there that she evidently had a spark with. they sat together all day long for hours on end. when she got home late that night she told me she loved me and that she was tired and going to bed. at the time i didnt know she had met this guy. so when she texted me this morning she was fine and she seemed happy. but after an hour she had told me exactly this “im going to tell you something and be honest…and i want you to know i still love you and i dont want to get crap for this because i already feel really, really bad for it. and i dont want you to freak out, but you probably will. yesterday, this guy sat by me and we started talking, and like when we talked, i guess we had chemistry. and he sat by me for every show. he goes to milton and ill probably never see him again…but i felt like i had to tell you. and i didnt tell him about you and i feel horrible about it but i honestly like talking to him a lot…thi is like the first time this has happened to me since we’ve started dating and i dont know how to react…” and evidently she got his number and they talk. and when i responded back to her message she progressivly started getting more angry at me and then it progressed to her hating me. she says shes officialy done with me and that she just wants me to leave her alone…. :( i cant function right without her. What do i do????

  135. Sarah 7 November 2011 at 7:54 am Permalink

    My boyfriend broke up with me almost a month ago after 3 years and half, his reasons were that he felt we were going apart for weeks and he couldn’t do it anymore. About a week or so he started dating someone else who has only known for a couple of months. We live quite a way away from each other where as the new girlfriend lives next door and I didn’t really understand his reasons. I was just wondering whether i’m fighting a lost cause or still had a chance. If I still had a chance, what should I do about it?
    P.s the video links aren’t working very well, thought u should know this :)

  136. Brooklynne 7 November 2011 at 1:54 pm Permalink

    ok so my bf and i broke up 2 months ago and we have been able to be friends. he did the rebound thing and dated a girl like 3 days after we broke up. then he cheated on her with another girl, and came back to me crying because he felt like an ass. i turned away fron him and didnt reply, and now he is a total ass to me at school. he says things bout me to friends(we share the same friends). I feel double the hurt because he was not only my bf but he was my best friend. i grew up with him and now i dont know how to get him back as a friend. I dont want a relationship with him, btu i do want him to be nice again. What can I do?

  137. mystery girl 7 November 2011 at 11:07 pm Permalink

    my bf at that time treated me like shit after we just spent 11 months in a relationship ! we bothe then thought it was ova between us but then a few days later i died my hair, the same day he came back to me saying that he still loves me and that my new hair looks hot , but i then turned him down! we now have been spending break time together and i still like him though! 2 days later i heard a rumour saying that he now likes his best friend Anna, but Anna has a bf ! what should i do cause i still have feelings for him !

  138. Alison 10 November 2011 at 10:32 pm Permalink

    I am so in love with my partner but we broke up 7 weeks ago. We were together for 2 wonderful years but he has an ex wife and no kids (she never left us alone) and he has a mother from hell, who constantly reminded him everyday of the evil he done to his wife by leaving her even although the marriage wasn’t working and he was happy with me. We would have great times for a bit then something would happen that reminded him of his baggage, we would row, he would break up with me, try to shift all the blame on to me, then within days his car would be parked outside the wifes house! This has happened several times but then he always comes back to me, saying he missed me too much. I took him back each time because I loved him. Now this time, he has done the same again, but not come back and made no contact. I have done silly things like sending texts saying he needs to return something of mine and he has responded but never gives away any information. It is so painful, I feel like our two years has been a lie and cannot come to terms with the fact that maybe it was her he wanted all along? p.s. we were in the process of buying a house and I feel so stupid for not seeing this coming. How can a man swing from one women to another like that? Surely it must be rebound? Please offer me advice.

  139. Smoke 12 November 2011 at 5:15 pm Permalink

    I was with my ex for 2 1/2 yrs we been broken up for 4 minths now.she is with somebody else but we still deal with eachother.we see eachother on the low talk txt ect.she stalks my fb and I do hers lol.shes always questioning about different girls ect.she doesnt want me talkin to anybody no other girls or there is gonna be problems,but she is in another relationship.she has been telling me for the last 3 weeks she doesnt wanna be with this other person and there is so many things she dislikes about this person.then why is she still.with them?she says she loves me but I need to work on myself first .im so confused one minute its I miss you I love you the next is I hate you.she doesnt look hPpy in any of her pics with this new girl.so whats really going on?sorry for this misspelling im on my cell phone

  140. so saddd 14 November 2011 at 12:20 am Permalink

    well me and my ex have been together for about 11months and we was going on to month 12 but we was planing to get married but all at one time he was texting me and i asked him wen was he and his friends going to pick up there stuff and he said i dont know so i asked why and he said becouse i think im loosing my love for you and i dont feel the same i think we are growing apart im no longer happy and keep in mind this is 2 months befor our wedding and im still very much in love with him but a day affter we broke up i find him flirting with other girls and i got upset and i said somthing to him about it and he asked me if i was going to be this way while we are not together and thin he said he was just playing around with the girl and he told me he still cares about me and said that he would always be there for me wen i need some one to talk to but then a month later he thinks im in love with some one and that made him mad but i dont know why wen he told me to move on and find some one new but anyway i tryed telling him that im still single but then he ends up seeing someone new and then text me and said i really like a girl and imma move in with her ect…. but wen i said somthin about a a guy he gets mad an dont want to hear it but now he dont really say much to me he tells people that i lied and i dont still love him so pleas help!!!!! wat do i do i think of him every day and night i really want my baby back!!! he only been gone 3months but im really sad and upset wat do i do??

    • Alison 15 November 2011 at 12:54 am Permalink

      To Sarah – November 7 – hi sarah, this guy sounds exactly like my ex partner. He done the same to me – see Alison November 10th above, if you want to comment that would be lovely?
      You say he broke up with you a month ago and you didn’t see it coming, neither do most unsuspecting women where men like him are concerned! I was with my partner for 2 years and we were so happy, but he had an ex wife and she was forever popping up. We were planning on buying a house together and it was all very serious believe me, then one day after a serious of rows about his ex, he announced “it wasn’t me, it was him and all his baggage” bla bla bla, and left, just like that, no conversation, no discussion.

      Immediately after he told me on the phone that he and his wife were finished and he wouldn’t be trying again with her, so imagine my surprise when his car was parked outside her flat every night! This sounds familar to your story, he suddenly drops you but isn’t it funny how guys always seem to have someone else to go to but always seem incapable of telling us the truth, usually saying it isn’t working or in your case “he couldn’t do it anymore”.

      You two were together a long time, so you would think he would have been more honest and upfront than give you a lame excuse such as the one he gave you and then to go and rub your nose in it by dating another girl so soon was just cruel.

      My advice is you need to let go and see what happens. This new relationship may not work out, but then again, it may, but let him make his own mistakes and if he really wants you, he will miss you and want to come back to you. But you must keep your distance. Do not get in touch, no texts, no emails, nothing, let him see that you are independent and don’t need him, if you want send him a msg in say a months time, saying simply ” just thought I’d say hi, hows life, Im doing great!” and leave it at that. A guy likes to see a strong woman getting on with her life and not a snivelling, pathetic wreck pinning after them, so don’t allow this to happen to you even although I know that’s how you feel inside.

      Believe me, I’ve been there, however sometimes you may need to accept that it might never change and you won’t get back together and if thats so, you couldn’t change it anyway, its fate!

      Its been 8 weeks for me, and I don’t think my man is coming back to me, he is still flitting between his flat and his wife and I know that even although he is back with her it is for all the wrong reasons, he wasn’t with me for 2 years for nothing, and I absolutely know he adored me, but the hassle that his baggage caused us, was more than he could bear and he is only back with her because it allows him a quiet life and to appease his mother (who was a bully) and ease his guilt, he has done this 5 or 6 times before and I know it won’t last with her, people don’t just change … but one thing I do know is that if he does ever leave her, I won’t be there to pick up the pieces for him, not this time, I am never going allow myself to be a doormat to this man again and you should value yourself too.

      Be strong, I know it is not easy, but time does help. Look after yourself, treat yourself, you won’t want to go out but if you do, enjoy yourself. Buy some new clothes, get your hair done, I did all that and look fabulous now!! If my ex saw me I know he would do a double take, thing is I never see him around!

      I am much stronger now, my ex still contacts me son, which I believe is his way of keeping a foot in the door. I know his ex very well and she is to be pitied, I got with him long after they split up so I never broke their marriage up but she acts like I did. She is determined to keep her husband, just so she can have the marriage badge back, she told me as much, if he is happy to accept this, then thats his demise, there is nothing i can do. I am fed up feeling like s*** and no man is worth you losing your mind over. Good luck. I hope you get the ending you wish for. But if he doesn’t come back, he wasn’t meant for you, accept this and move on.

  141. Jim 16 November 2011 at 12:54 am Permalink

    I broke up with my ex a little over three months ago. She said she hoped I would realize it was a mistake and come back to her when we broke up. It was very civil. So I tried to get back together with her a month later. She already had a new boyfriend. They started dating a few days after we broke up. Their relationship is still going and it’s been 3+months now. She says she cant talk to me and told me to move on. To me it seems like it’s not a rebound since she won’t talk to me. What do you think? Thanks in advance.

  142. Adrijana 17 November 2011 at 5:07 am Permalink

    Hello Ashley,

    First, I’d like to say thank you for making these videos to help people like me.
    My boyfriend broke up with me two days ago after dating for 11th months. We were really serious and many times he talked me out of leaving the relationship in the past. Entering first year university, things have been tough for both of us with school and seeing each other bussing 1.5 hours there and back. I was very depressed and I guess I went to him for advice a lot and he saw this as obsessive and needy (even though this is how he used to act back in high school but I stuck with him to support him). He broke up with me and told me that he didn’t love me anymore but still cared about me, just not loving. He said he wanted to still be friends.
    However, after seeing my facebook profile and how my friend told me other guys want to contact me etc, he gets very angry and upset and blames it all on me for being rude and going right away to other guys…even though I said I wasn’t going to for a while, out of respect. I messaged him and told him that I’m accepting the break up and that we should have some time apart for at least two weeks (like we said earlier during the break up) and that I’d still like to be friends but we’ll see what happens from there.
    Turns out, I will be seeing him in two days because we have mutual friends and we’re having a hang out. I will not make it weird and I’ll seem as if nothing is wrong. Could you give me more advice on how I can go about doing this and if there is anything else I can do to win my ex boyfriend back? Thanks so much.

  143. tmm 17 November 2011 at 10:26 am Permalink

    hello Ashley …
    My gf broke up with me 10 days ago …
    as u said, I waited these 10 days without any contact at all, no facebook no sms nothing at all …
    Today I called her, and didn’t talk about the breakup .. It was just a normal chat.
    i lasted like 3 minutes … she was so excited, and happy , I even could see the tears in her eyes .. kind of..
    Then I told her that I want to hang up coz I am quite busy …
    The reason of the breakup : she said that she has conflicting emotions, and she’s not sure if she loves me .

    any ideas, and why was she so happy hearing from me ?

  144. snicky 18 November 2011 at 6:25 am Permalink

    My boyfriend and I broke up almost 3 months ago and he immediately started seeing someone and lying about it. We had off and on contact with intimacy before I said its all or nothing. A month ago he came back and said it was all, he wanted to date me and try and that he was still very messed up etc. He said it was just him and I, exclusive and no one else. So I took him at his word and we had a great week then he started pulling back over the next few yet stepping up with my son, picking him up, sleeping over, having meals with us etc. Then it all went cold, stopped wanting to come over, no sexual/physical intimacy and yet still calling multiple times a day and sooo many texts. He told me he felt like he couldn’t give me what I wanted, he was depressed. His behaviour was so different I off course got more needy wanting to know what was going on and finally he said he just wants to be friends. When I said why have you been telling me you love me he said he did as a friend and denied being with someone else. I had to drop something off close to his house and even tho i didn’t want to I drop by and his car wasn’t there and a friend told me she saw him with someone else, as well as seeing he has a dating profile. Why is he lying? Should I assume it is over? I went through no contact already which prompted him returning but now what the heck.

  145. chelyn 18 November 2011 at 1:43 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley… I need some advice here…

    My bf n I broke up about 2 months… for the first 2 weeks he still nice to me, we still talk and we met twice … on the second meeting he said ” I need time to heal the broken heart, I want you to change to be better than before, someday I will asked you out for dinner or just hanging out” ( he made me believe and I was verryy happy)

    then in my birthday (3 weeks after broke up) I was asking him out for dinner… He said he can’t, he’s busy bla bla… and I was insist for dinner with him, I beg him…. then he was so MAD ( maybe becoz I insisted him too much)

    After that, I texted him to say sorry because I insisted him.. and then I said ok we need space ad time for healing …. so I was “no contact” him for 2 weeks.

    2 weeks later I texted him asked him how was he doing…. he texted and asked me back … and I was keep it short….
    I texted him 3-4 times a week (short communication)….. and it’s like only me that kept asked him… he replied, he answered my question with short answer, but he never asked me back…. (it hurts) then I asked him for out.. and he just got a lot of excuse for cannot make it…….

    now i’m getting tired.. I don’t know if he’s got someone new or am I too quick to asked him how he’s doing….. I just get tired now… I’m feelin fool, becoz it’s like only me trying while maybe he doesn’t care anymore…..

    I don’t know what am i supposed to do now… I love him too much to let him go, but it will keep my heart hurts when it’s only me that trying to communicate with him…
    what am I supposed to do…..?? help me…….

  146. Christina 20 November 2011 at 1:28 am Permalink

    Ashley i just found out that my ex of 4 years already has a new gf only after 2 months of our breakup (1 month since i saw him last).

    We were on an off with him breaking it off bcucz i was too insecure and pessimistic. Im changing for the better now for myself but if be lying if i said i didnt do it for him too. Ive been playing it cool and we have not spoken at all. Ive asked my frends and it seems that hes pretty serious about this new girlfrend of his.

    Im losing all hope and i dont think i can win him back… has there ever been a situation where things worked out in the end when the situation was similiar to mine?

  147. Steve 20 November 2011 at 4:29 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley,
    My ex and I dated for 3.5 years. She met someone one night out with work and started acting strange for 2 weeks and then broke up with me. She said ‘we are fine, I just need a break’. For the next two months she was still very affectionate and would still see me 2-3 days a week. We even went away together 3 different weekends but with no sex, but still very affectionate. I told her I had a feeling she was seeing someone and she denied. This was based mainly on the amount of texting she would do. She never did that before. Not even two months later after denying the entire time and lying to my face about everything, she went to the justice of the peace and got married to this guy ‘she wasn’t seeing’. I went NC immediately but she interrupted that one month later when she showed up to a place she knew I would be. I said hi and bye that was it. She showed up the next day thinking I was going to be there again but I didn’t show and asked a bunch of questions about me. That was 3 weeks ago. I haven’t seen or heard anything since.

    If she showed up twice trying to see me, is there a chance she will do this again? I’m not really ready to see her in any capacity just yet and don’t really want to after what she did to me. What usually happens after someone does something like this?

    Thank you so much

  148. Evan 20 November 2011 at 9:19 am Permalink

    hey Ashely need some help me and my ex broke up a week and 4 days ago and she has been with another guy. she says she doesnt want to date him. but they still kiss and flirt with each other. so i have left her alone and acted cool with the break up and now she will send me a pic of her and everything and flirt with me at one point then the next day she wont talk to me her friends say shes getting jealous im talking to them and she txted me the other day saying she really likes this new guy but she never talks to him outside of work and never misses and him and she said she never thinks about him. shell keep things from him and tell me all about wats goin on with her life. and im trying to go with no contact but she will txt me over and over again. and also my father and her father are best friends so her family and my family hang out alot so its hard to not talk to her when she is with her parents when they come over to my house. she says shes over me to me but when her friends ask her she says she misses me and we might get back together wat do i do plz help

    • Anne 22 November 2011 at 6:27 am Permalink

      Hmm…sounds like she’s trying to get a reaction out of you. Remain calm and stay no-contact. Respond to her texts as if you are talking to a normal friend but treat her kindly without being too nice that might leads to her using you. Unless she gives in and ask you back, do not mention getting back with her or anything. Remain cool about the whole situation such as her telling you about other guys that she’s interested in. If she still likes you and is only looking for ways to make you initiate to get back with her, after awhile, she will have to drop her acts and say what she wants out loud. In the mean time, think for yourself whether you truly want her back and whether this relationship will go anywhere or you just simply miss and want a close companion.

      She also might be confused about her feelings towards the break-up too. There will be days when she can convinced herself that she’s over you and is ready to move on, but after a few days, she will realize that it’s not that easy. I experienced that before. I told my ex that I had moved on and that I was over him due to my pride and love was being broken. I tried to look for other guys too but after a few days, I missed my ex so badly and realized that I still love him so dearly.

  149. Kodomo 20 November 2011 at 12:39 pm Permalink

    My ex recently broke up with me calming “she fell for another in the distance”. We were together for almost a year she broke up with me on our annaversty. I realized that this was a rebound relationship very quickly. She says “she still cares for me” i care about her so much, that i actually continually pushed her away, at that time i was so hurt sad but i wanted to reassure her of her choices. Doing things like confronting her about her BF. Till i hurt her then i felt like scum of the earth. She asked me what i was worried over. I had a dream that later on came true of her begging for her current bf to stay; but because of me not wanting to get involved in her relationship because of an incident where i got her angry while pushing her away i could not tell her. I think i hurt her worse then if i told her. I apologized later on saying “saying you did not deserve that not from me” Later on i told her “i trust your decisions” “You do what you must” when she believe i was trying to be hostile toward her current bf. There are still sparks between us she texts me at school sometimes when she gets the chance. One of her friends says that she misses talking to me. What do i do i more than anything just want to be with her..

  150. Danica KC 20 November 2011 at 11:23 pm Permalink

    Hello Ashley,
    My online ex boyfriend and me broke up 2 months ago but also at the end of that month he confessed that he still loves me and that if I lived near him he would be with me for a long time.. But at the first week of October we got into a fight because I was mean to this girl he looks at as a online sister.. But also during that he said that I am whinny, immature and annoying.. but he knew I was all those things even while we were together so I don’t know why he is using that against me.. He says he hates me and for me to not talk to him again.. He also said I lied to him about the fight I had with that girl, but I actually didn’t, I just didn’t tell him the whole story, I just told it in short version but included all detail.. I didn’t want to tell him everything, because I knew that he would fight with his online sis if I did, but I’m not that kind of person, he has a lot of problems of his own to worry about mine.. On the same day while I was talking to him, he was talking to the other girl and she told him the longer version of it and that is when this whole mess started and she said something real bad so that is why he thinks I lied now.. :(

    He is ignoring me right now pretending I don’t exist but he looks at my profile every time I say I updated it.. but all I don’t understand is why he is looking at my profile if he says he hates me so much that he doesn’t want me to talk to him..

    Four days after the fight we had, he found another girl but like you said in your video, it is too soon.. But I am still worried, because I really don’t want to loose him and I know I’ve made mistakes already like: still trying to contact him, apologizing for the fight, etc.. I know those things can push him away.. so I don’t know if all hope is lost or do I still have a chance even if he has this new girl online..?

    Me and him have been through so much fights and great moments together that this fight is like.. nothing compared to what we used to have.. I don’t know if he is actually angry at me, because of the fight me and that girl had or because I was annoying him.. I understand him about the annoying part, but he knew I was like that and still kept coming back.. Though I’m not sure if he will now, since he is so angry at the moment.. I know online relationships are hard to handle in many ways, but even if he has a girlfriend in off the net which he describes as a “weird relationship” (thats why he said he would be with me if I lived near), but I really need him back.. Thank god he didn’t delete me otherwise I wouldn’t know what to do right now.. I miss him a lot and the times we had and I know it will be wrong to tell him that since he is angry at the moment.. I need your help.. Please try to help me this is very important to me.. :/

  151. Jamie 21 November 2011 at 10:52 am Permalink

    What if I just realized from this video that I was his rebound that he dated for almost two years….he had been dating someone for also almost two years and when they broke up, he was crushed and then we found eachother and the relationship went really fast…now almost two years later he’s dumped me and seems like he’s in love with this new girl but she is very religious and they are not moving quickly…..has he really moved on…?

  152. Megan Richards 22 November 2011 at 6:30 am Permalink

    i really need someone to email me and help me out
    I was with my partner 2 years 4 months – and ok we did argue and stuff but we was so happy and in love.. then he ends it..quite meanly….

    Then just 9 days after he ended it he has a girlfriend :/ … do i see this as rebound?
    its been 2 months today since me and him split up…all over his facebook is things about being happy and his life on track.. its a dig at me…

    please can someone email me on there opinions or if u have been through the same thing. id do anything to get him back !!!!
    Megan .

    • Anne 22 November 2011 at 7:01 am Permalink

      It’s either a rebound relationship or he has been with her before the break up.

      Just act cool about it. If it’s too hard to deal with it, try to physically remove yourself from the situation. Focus on your life and make it better to show him that you don’t need him to make your life “back on track.” It’s weird but people feel subconsciously defeated when they see that their actions have no effect on others. If you show him your emotion about the situation, he will feel triumph about it –> gives him the power.

      Another thing is like…when somebody has to “announce” their life being happy and back on track on FB constantly, it’s also just one way for them to reassure their own confidence and create an “illusion” about their happy life. I put happy statuses on my FB when I feel down sometimes just to cheer myself up. Don’t let the FB ruin it. Unless you see it with your own eyes, do not assume anything.

      • Megan Richards 22 November 2011 at 7:22 am Permalink

        He had met her a few days after we split up, like for the first time through his best mates girlfriend…. so its very cleverly set up… its either true or its fake to piss me off xx

        I am not retaliating, im acting like it dont bother me what so ever.
        And yes i did try and see him but he hid… he couldn’t face me yet behind a computer screen he act’s like god !!!

        Just need to be patient and hope that eventually he will realise and come back

      • tom 26 November 2011 at 1:34 am Permalink

        hey megan same here with a girl two years one fight in august inwhich a coworker told her he was interested.Since making up he txts her nonstop,she has no anwser when i find the txt except he is a friend and nobody at work talks to me..Her friends tell me she sees him all the time but she says iv never kissed him or had sex with him im paranoid..Goes on FB tells the world im crushed a week returning from a beutiful vacation (why does bad things happen to good people) same fake friends who supported us tell her u deserve way better..now OMG i am so crushed she says he was my world, But i will be okay..12hrs later seeing the guy from work who was just a friend..and it is the best ever..Friends tell me she did the same to last boyfriend had me in place just incase she was dumped..

        • Katie 29 December 2011 at 4:06 pm Permalink

          I hate when guys line up another girl so that they won’t be alone. It shows REALLY bad insecurity. I know because I’m in a similar situation except mine is sticky we haven’t actually STOPPED talking since the break up. It’s just wierd. We are “good friends” even though he is talking to his coworker. I know there will come a day when he will cut me off for her so why do I torture myself? Sadly, I feel like he will “See the light” but im starting to think I’m an idiot. Whatever you do, don’t let him see you cry. Act like your over it and above all that else. I try to tell myself that everyday and trust me it hurts even worse cause he calls me and when I don’t respond he gets mad or when I took him off the FB, he got really emotional.

          Sadly, you can’t just shut off feelings after 2 years even if somebody DOES want somebody else. I never did get the whole “I love you but don’t wanna be with you line” because if a person REALLY loves you, they can communicate what is wrong and they don’t give up. I’m in a wierd boat too where I want to get him back, but I’m focusing on myself. Being friends is killing me but I’ll play the role..for a little while atleast.

  153. A.J 22 November 2011 at 11:09 pm Permalink

    me and my girlfriend broke up 3 months ago and havent had that much contact until recently… We have been out on a night out and was just like old times we kissed and danced all night. The next night she invited me round to hers to have a take-away… just dont know what to do from here… ?

  154. billy 23 November 2011 at 12:22 am Permalink

    Its been bout 7 months since me split ….I’m 30 she was 21 and I’m from Ireland and she is from Albania ….We split during the happiest times because her family found me had a wee one …It was devastating her family say either him or us…We work together but me finally had to transfer cause me couldn’t handle it anymore! The catch is her family found her a fella and she was engaged (arranged) obviously 6-7 weeks after we split…I will always love her and when me see her its like the first time but me doin me own thing and tried to fight for her but she say should could never come back. She tells all the co-workers she is in love with new fella but they all think she is a craic….One last thing she never kissed a fella or got flattened out till me …on me holiday St Patrick’s …..You think she thinks of me and when she sees me dreams of the “could have been”?

  155. Ben 24 November 2011 at 8:02 am Permalink

    Hey Ashley,
    My ex-girlfriend cut things off a month ago. We’ve been communicating over the phone frequently about what was wrong between us, but it kept turning into an argument. I found out she has started seeing another guy recently and was definitely surprised. She came over a few nights ago to talk. Said she is still in love with me and we kissed a few times, she was crying. I asked about the new guy she said she’s not (with him) but she has been spending a lot of
    time with him, I asked more about it but she just changed the subject.

    Anyway, it ended with her saying a part of her wants this, but she has too many walls built up and is too scared. She just doesn’t see it going anywhere between us.

    Is it hopeless? I cried a little, so did she. Was very emotional, but my buddy said the next day at work she acted like it didn’t phase her a bit. I’ve cut off contact, and its killin me.

    Think there’s a chance she’ll come around?

  156. C 25 November 2011 at 8:01 am Permalink

    Hey, it’s been 3 and a half months since me and my ex girlfriend broke up, we were together for 17 months, and she was my first girlfriend, i loved her, i still do.
    1 month after we broke up, i had a rebound 1 night stand, and confessed to her that i felt awful about it. It caused an arguement and she claimed that everytime i said i loved her, i was lying. When we broke up we ignored each other up untill recently, we’re talking about on facebook, however, she’s now in a relationship with another guy. She then told me that she’s liked him for a while and that they’re now together. I feel crushed and worthless, as if she was the one who never actually loved me.
    I want her back so badly, but i don’t know how to talk to her, i told her the other day that i still loved her, she suddenly ended the conversation. What should i do?

  157. Leon 25 November 2011 at 9:02 am Permalink

    My Ex girlfriend broke up with me a month ago, the reason she said why she called it off is because she wanted to focus on her career and can’t give time to me anymore, of course i pleaded but, it didn’t work, after a few days we saw each other and we said we wanted to be friends again so i agree, but a few weeks after, i suddenly felt very depressed and went to her work place and tried to talk and again i ended up pleading, she got angry, but the next day I said sorry and she said she forgives me but said that we still need some space because its too early, sometimes she acts nice but the minute i contact her she gets weird and acts defensively, do i still have a chance?I know all i did is push her further away, we’ve been together 5 years before the break up

  158. Michelle 25 November 2011 at 11:13 am Permalink

    My fiance left me almost 2 months ago. We are both over 40 and were together a little over 10 years. I have not seen or heard from him since and I believe he may have already “replaced me”. I have maintained NC but it is driving me insane! The only real reason I haven’t gotten in touch with him is I just cannot take being rejected by him a 2nd time. I really believe that would send me over the edge emotionally and mentally. I love this guy with all my heart and while our relationship wasn’t perfect and we both made mistakes, I don’t really believe there was anything that we couldn’t fix or have worked out. Obviously he didn’t feel that way though. He has changed everything about himself from moving to another town, to changing his looks. It’s like he thinks that by making all these changes, it is going to give him a new start in a new life. I really believe he is trying to forget anything and everything associated with me and our life together. I feel he has already forgotten about me and just pushed all the memories of the last decade aside and doesn’t give it a thought anymore. That hurts bad!
    Is there ANY hope of him coming to his senses or wanting to maybe try again? I miss him terribly and I need him like a person needs air, yet he knows none of this because I don’t bother him, don’t have contact with any of his friends, and don’t post it where he could see it. The holidays are tearing me up and I just miss the sound of his voice. I don’t know how much more I can take of not having him back in my life. Any help or advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

    • AnneM 26 November 2011 at 2:49 am Permalink

      Hey Michelle!!

      I can relate 200% with your situation as my Fiance and I broke up almost 2 months ago, after being together for 2 yrs. Before we broke up, he had to move to another city, where I was supposed to come and move in. Clearly, that didn’t end up happening. I also felt like our issues where very manageable, but at the end of the day, I couldn’t be the only one to work at them. Your ex didn’t seem to want to workout the issues in your relationship either. What does that say about his feelings towards you? I have maintained NC with my ex since the breakup, yet from what I can see/hear from ppl is that he seems to have “moved on” and is actively asking girl(s) out on dates. It’s killing me inside to know that he is actively moving on and it almost seems as though he has already forgotten about me. Therefore, I’m doing my best to forget about him. I still love him, but at the end of the day, I love myself more. And both you and I can take pride in how we manage our breakup (not jumping from one man to the next but actually facing our feelings with dignity). You should consider just forgetting about him and move on and see what happens. At the end of the day, you will end up with someone who is a MUCH better match to you. Life has a weird way of working itself out. And when you say you “need him like air,” you’re kidding yourself. You do NOT need him, you just WANT him. Big difference. He must be hurting just as much as you. You are a strong, beautiful woman who needs no man to be happy. Maybe he will come back to you, but as realists here, there is a strong likelihood that he might not. Especially since he is in another city now (things don’t happen as they do in love movies). So, when you think about him, send him compassion and love through your spirit, and closure/peace will come with time. Maintain your pride and dignity and remember that he is not the last guy who will cross your path. If he wants you, he’ll come back, but DO NOT contact him and work on rebuilding yourself alone. Wishing you the very best.

  159. dane 26 November 2011 at 1:47 am Permalink

    my girlfriend and i had been together for four years. We were so inlove with each other …we fight but we make up as soon as we can. then i introduced my bestfriend to her. they chatted more than we do. they texted more than we do. i asked them to stop immediately coz i know what will happen next. they hide from me but still chatted for 4 months. then…suddenly my ex did not text me anymore and said she wants a break. she said shes inlove with someone else and what she felt for me is that of friends only. it broke my heart badly. she seemed to be so inlove with my bestfriend. i gave her evrything i can. time. money. love. affection. everything that a girl could ask for. i was always faithful and sweet.thoughtful and i always consider her feelings. i want to get her back please help me out i havent eaten a good meal and havent slept well since then. i feel like dying everyday. how do i make her love me again we are not talking anymore with each other coz i dont want to settle as friends. there were so many beautiful memories and it haunts me every night. i dont see why she left me for my bestfriend when she said that i am alot better than him. i look better. more intelligent and more funny. i was the perfect guy why does it happen all of a sudden . can i get her back? is this a rebound relationship if she is insisting that he is her life already in just 2 weeks versus our 4 years together. ouch

  160. Magen 27 November 2011 at 4:40 pm Permalink

    My ex fiance and I were together for 2 year and have been seperated for about 5 months now. About a month and a half ago I realized I wanted him back desperatly, and realized he is my true love and stared all the panic and wrong behavior. I guess he started seeing this new girl as a “friend” about month 3 1/2 he says he told me recently he wants to start dating again, I know he is trying to be easy on me because he cares for me and doesn’t want me to be hurt but he wants to see this other girl. I’m really confused. I know he is still hurt and maybe a little bitter about some things that happened toward the end of our relationship. We really did fit perfectly together, I love this man so much he has been so wonderful to me but I ended up hurting him. He is quite an emotional man and now he is acting like he has no emotions about us. I’m so confused. All I want is to be back in his arms. Somebody please help me.

    • Magen 20 September 2013 at 1:17 am Permalink

      Hey again.
      I feel crazy even writing on here but i have an odd situation. My ex and I have been apart nearly two years now. We have cordial conversations every few months sometimes they are short and bitter but hers the deal. I moved from the US to QLD 6 months ago while my ex was finishing his masters in geo-science. My family still talks to him regularly and his photos are up in my parents house still as he is “a part of the family”. He recently told my mother he’s got job offer at a mine here and intends to move here. I (personally haven’t talked to him in 4 months) but I sent him a post card with the gift my family sent him for his birthday. I called to see if he received it. neither of us have actually been with anyone else (he does say hes interested in someone tho) yet he still insists its over, he even tod me he sold by ring for pennies!! It’s been 2 years what is all this!! And I stil love this man with all my heart. I haven’t told him anything like that in over a year but I miss him and I’ confused. It feels like some kind of mind game, but he knows me better than anyone and we were each others firsts loves and pretty much onlys… Ashley what do you think?? I’m at a loss.

  161. Char'isse 29 November 2011 at 4:26 pm Permalink

    Ashley… I very interested in your product. …But will it work for my situation? My lesbian lover broke up with me two months ago and started to see another woman. I know she did not know this woman for a long time. We live together for 3 years and she started to stay out all night on the weekend not coming home. Shortly after I received a text from her tell me that she told her new lover about me in details and that this woman did not want to deal with her because we still live in the same house. Than she stated to me that it is over and that is hurting that her new lover did not want to see her again. That following week ….she told me she still loved me; continue to see the other woman by lying to her about me and were I was living. Now … the other decided not to see her anymore till I move out … but my ex keeps telling she loves, but doesn’t want to be with… she really gets upset when I talk about moving out of state or about dating someone else. Please help I’m not sure what’s going on at this point.

  162. Nick 30 November 2011 at 3:32 am Permalink

    My GF of 5 years broke up with me out of the blue recently. At first she said she still loved me and wanted us to maintain our friendship and we could go back out. She explained that she felt overwhelmed and everyone had all these expectations of her and she felt that she was ignoring me because she has been busy lately. Shortly after I found out she was talking to another guy who asked her if we broke up yet and he was flirting with her. I later found out that instead of going to dinner like she told me she was, she was at a club with the guy and some friends and chose not to tell me about it. Of course my first reaction was to get her back and I begged and pleaded and then I accused her of cheating with the other guy because of the way they were talking and the fact that they had no prior communication before. She then got mad and said she hated me and stopped talking to me for about 2 weeks. I finally texted her after 2 weeks and I could tell she was still upset so I continued to leave her alone and I would check in every now and then but she wouldn’t always answer my texts so I stopped bothering her. Every now and then she would text me asking how I’m doing and I tried keeping it as short as possible. We agreed to meet and I could tell she was not comfortable and I tried talking to her but all my old emotions came back but she said she still wanted to be friends but didn’t feel comfortable talking on the phone only through texts and she still loved me but she needed time to get over how I acted and to see me as a friend and for us to continue to have space as far as not being bf and gf. Since then I have continued to let her check in on me and give her all the space and time I know how to which made things easier but when she texted me I would get my hopes up again. We recently met again and she again was uncomfortable and said that she wants to work on stuff eventually but right now is happy with being friends and we can spend time together and communicate but that rarely happens unless I make the effort. I saw that on her phone she has a picture of herself and the other guy and she even mentioned in front of my friends that she went to the other guy’s hometown. I feel like by now we have grown apart and something is happening between them but I can only speculate. I was never the person to tell her she couldn’t go out and have fun, I was actually the opposite because I wanted her to be able to hang with her friends and have fun. I’m not sure if she is confused about what she wants or if she is just telling me all these things to make me happy and lessen the blow. I thought that after 5 years we wouldnt end on that note and we could possibly work on our relationship but im more confused than anything now. I figured if you loved someone then you would be able to tell them how you truly feel and not play games with them but not everyone has the heart to do that I guess and they instead chose to take the easy way out. Please let me know that you think.

  163. Dee 30 November 2011 at 1:52 pm Permalink

    My partner of nearly an yr just ended it, he just became distant and closed off from me. When I asked him right out by text what was happening he said it was over and he had a list of reasons why he couldn’t be in a relationship with me. He said he couldn’t return my love. Am so confused to the change in him, Yes he never said I love to me but he was the one that said this meant something to him and he could see it becoming something and leading somewhere and even started talking moving together and then just nothing. I fear he has met someone else since we broke up or that this the reason we broke up. He has cut all contact and I have not heard from him since. What do I do ?

  164. Myra 3 December 2011 at 4:59 pm Permalink

    how do i let my ex go. o love him very much. idk what d

  165. Myra 3 December 2011 at 5:06 pm Permalink

    idk what to do. were long distance. i live in california and he lives in texas. we dated for almost 9 months then broke up cause he said he wasnt happy. i guess he wasnt because, for a few days he acted sad and jealous cause i talked to an old guy friend. he got with some girl on an app the sameday we broke up. recently he told me that he wasnt trying to make me jealous which is a lie i believe. he claimed that he loved her which i thought was true, but he said so himself that he didnt but he did like her. hes 17 and im 16. i really love him, and i wanna be back with hom and he loves me and wants to be with me too but the long distance is super hard! and i cant trust him anymore cuz he keeps lying to me. idk what to do. and i wanna continue being friends and hopefully get back togther in the future. also, i cant seem to let go of the fact that he dated that girl on the app. it still hurts me. i wanna let that go so how do i? i feel like i can wait for him but he tells me he doesnt know how long he can wait for us. what does that mean? im also scared if he gets with another girl ;( plzzzzz give me advice

  166. siva 4 December 2011 at 9:30 pm Permalink

    My ex and I have been in a relationship for3 years we were supposed to get married next year , and we are working togather and the whole of work place knw we are going to get married soon, less than 3weeks he told me he love a collegue
    and i ask him why he said he dont knw another mins he told me itis not bcoz of this he wants a breakup, he told me i dont trust him so and so, but eveytime he comes to work wth her and eat togather with her, he was not like this at all, he is the one who propose to me , at his last word to me he said somewhere he know ab me and i knw ab him too, butin workplace he keeps on looking at my face once after the breakup i hurt myself and he ask me wathappen to myhand? i thinkingof quitng my job to avoid all this i really love him alot, but i dont want he is thinking whyhe changed like this plz help me

  167. Luis 6 December 2011 at 5:11 am Permalink

    hi Ashley I just found out that my ex had sex with someone else we were on a break for over 1 Month and she decided to go on an online website and meet with this guy and have sex but at the same time she kept telling me how much she loved me and she was so excited about going our coming soon vacation we got back together and I found out this weekend she never told me the truth or being honest with. Me about she dating someone else now she is playing the victim when she felt accused from what she did now I’m very confuse because we supposed to go on vacations for new years but I dont think I’ll be able to stop thinking her having sex with someone else it wasnt me, what should I do can you please helpe me with some advice? Thanks !

  168. Luis 6 December 2011 at 5:12 am Permalink

    hi Ashley I just found out that my ex had sex with someone else we were on a break for over 1 Month and she decided to go on an online website and meet with this guy and have sex but at the same time she kept telling me how much she loved me and she was so excited about going our coming soon vacation we got back together and I found out this weekend she never told me the truth or being honest with. Me about she dating someone else now she is playing the victim when she felt accused from what she did now I’m very confuse because we supposed to go on vacations for new years but I dont think I’ll be able to stop thinking her having sex with someone else it wasnt me, what should I do can you please helpe me with some advice? Thanks so much Ashley

  169. Nas 7 December 2011 at 11:19 pm Permalink

    My girlfriend broke up with me moved out and then keeps emailing/calling me. What should i say, i still love her and i dont want to be rude?? But i dont want to talk to her for a while. I reccon i need some space.

    Please suggest what to say??

  170. Damo 9 December 2011 at 3:11 am Permalink

    My ex n i broke up 6 weeks ago 2moro and she is now sen a guy who is alot younger than me hes 19 and im 28 is this rebound,she is 21?? we were goin out with each other for 3 and a half years and lived together n all,there was no signs of the break up at all it just happend outta the blue one evening!! she txt me the other day telling me that she is with someone new and that nothin would ever come between us! i also went up and met her that night where we sat and taked n she cried telling me how much she misses me and her old lifestyle,she said she loves to spend time with me and hates not doin it!! are chat lasted bout an hour and a half and afterwards i txt her sayin thanks and she said we will do it again so does any one think i can win her back??

  171. Sarah 11 December 2011 at 3:24 am Permalink


    So, I am completely at a loss of what to do right now. My ex and I dated for 9 months. Of course everything started out wonderful and there was soooo much attraction. I thought things were going great. After about 6 months, I told him I was in love with him when I was drunk. We discussed it a week later when we were sober and he said that he was scared, but that he loved me too. After that he never said it to me. The month before we broke up, I got some courage and asked him why hee never tells me he loves me. That was a huge mistake. He responded that he was just worried because sometimes once you say something like that there is a lot of pressure and you can’t take it back. But… he did say that he had never felt as good as he did as he did with me? A month later, he broke up with me. :( He told me that he loved me like a friend and that he was not ready for a serious committment. We’ve been broken up for 3 months now and I did the whole no contact thing for a month and a half. After that, I sent him a letter saying I acccepted the break up but also ALL of my regrets and realizations about our relationship. I know that was a bad idea. After that, he would randomly post something on my facebook wall every few weeks. A few weeks ago, my best friend told me that she ran into him at the mall with a girl and he introduced he as his “friend”. They talked for 10 mins and he showed her pics on his phone of things he’s been up to lately as well as of a house he was thinking of buying. He ended up buying the house last week and that has me feeling shitty. I feel like now he’s moved on and is never coming back. I sent him a message on facebook chat last week. He didn’t respond, but then within an hour, he sent me a text message. We sent a few texts back and forth and then I cut it off. The next day, he sent me a message because I had not answered his question the night before… Sorry for rambling, but do I still have ANY chance, even though he has a house and potentially a girl? Help please!

  172. birgitte 12 December 2011 at 7:15 pm Permalink

    Dear ashley
    Really enjoying your insights. My husband ended our 14 years relationship with an SMS 2,5 mnthas ago. Follwing day he cleaned the bank account and filed for divorce. Clearly his family has been in on his plans since they helped him with the get-away … ( I recieved the sms while I was on an extended business trip in anouther country. ) He left the kids ( two sons of 5 and 8) with the aupair and since then he has riped our house twice and is behaving in a very hurtfull manner.

    Now my oldest son has told me that he has a new girlfriend … somone from work) which is very hurtfull. On top of everything else he is now also hurting my kids who barely are comming to terms with the fact that dad and mon are no ,longer a family. He says he was very unhappy in the realtionship, did not feel I loved him enought and that he was to make a clean start with a new family. The break up came a a chock. We have been each other best friends and had quite a good sexual relationship as well. Not sure what has happenhere… but I am still in a quite bit of chock. What is going on? He still communcates with me and he is still showing that he has feelings but at the same time he is constantly changing into hostility…

    What can I expect now?

    BW Birgitte

  173. dixin tudeep 14 December 2011 at 3:37 am Permalink

    this is a bunch of bologna. she is still saying she loves me and such. i call her every night to talk, and try to figure things out and yea shes with someone else. but everytime i call her she likes to talk really cute to me… like a seducing teasing like voice. and then after she’ll say she misses me and loves me so much,,, i talked ot her the other day and i askd her if its over for good if were never going to get back together and she said no its not over, she promised that were going to get back together, i askd her how long will thisbe, and she said what would you do and say if i askd you out a year from now and i said it all depends baby, and then she said it will prolly be a few months not years but months, and her new boyfriend she has only been dating for a week and he’s already saying he loves her they havent even hung out yet shouldnt that be a sign to her that hes just pulling shit out of his ass?

    • dixin tudeep 14 December 2011 at 3:39 am Permalink

      i need to know if i have a chance still? can anyone help me out please? i love her like thers no tomorrow. i love her more than life

  174. MY SITUATION IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT!! 15 December 2011 at 2:03 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley, Not sure of your age, but you seem wiser beyond your years. Thank you for helping others…

    Here In my situation I had a very casual relationship with a guy name Fred. He and I have been off and on for quite some time, but we always enjoyed each others’ company talk for hours on the phone. Well over the span of about a year, I began to really fall for him, although near the beginning, he had made comments about how fond of me he was although we were just “having fun”. It’s been exactly 4 years the week before Christmas.

    I wanted a relationship from him, but we had issues that kept us from achieving that, and so one day on an “off” period, he began seeing someone else (GIRLFRIEND).

    Since that confession a whole year and a half maybe, has gone by, and he revealed he loved me and that his heart was with me, BUT HE ALWAYS HATED THIS RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHER FEMALE, but that there was just something about her that made him staywith her I really can’t understand it…. I guess since he began something, he didn’t see the point in just breaking it up to be with me? I am confused!!! I don’t feel as if I am not loved by this man, but I do feel like he may be playing games…I told him I could not be with him if he has a girlfriend, but he doesn’t stop contacting me either??? He even went as far as to say there is no future for me and him and to leave him alone after HE WAS THE ONE WHO CAME BACK INTO MY LIFE AND BROUGHT THE SAME SITUATION WITH HIM????? Since then, he has contacted me several times! I can keep doing NC, because I know he is not completely over me….Is he really that conflicted within himself?

    The way my situation is different from your video is, he left me, gets a girlfriend, doesn’t tell me at first about her, we’re together enjoying ourselves and having sex!!! When he told me about her, I broke up with him. Months later, he comes back telling me he misses me, but hiding the relationship AND I SLEPT WITH HIM AGAIN!!!

    Then he tells me it;s over- to stop contacting him, so I stop and agree it’s over, and yet he still contacts me. Look how long he has been with her 1.5 years….. How can I be sure that this is a rebound relationship??? I really don’t know what to do!! Please help!!!!

    • my situation is different.. there's more 22 March 2012 at 6:48 am Permalink

      well here we are and I am still no closer to him than I was at first. He finally tells me they live together, but if he could come into some money, he would be out of there.

      Ok, all of my suspicions have been answered without my even asking. He tells me that he, as a man didn’t want to be a financial burden on the one he really loves( me). I kind of knew it since other reasons he was still hanging on with her were not right. He lives with her because SHE foots the bills, and my spin on it, is “in exchange for sex”….. I told him he CHOSE to still be there, if he really wanted to be with me, he would be there. I then said I DON;T WANT YOU NO MORE. LEAVE ME ALONE. to which he responded, what he said, I don’t know, but the last text he sent said “Love you”….. ha! whatever.

      I agree with a poster before me who said we would be better off starting all over again and finding someone who will simply adore the ground we walk on! There are MEN even, posting on this site, so that tells me, men have a heart, they are capable of loving and showing feelings. Because I, myself know what it feels like to be pursued and WANTED! If a man really wants something, he goes after it, his woman, included.

  175. Tiffany 15 December 2011 at 2:05 pm Permalink

    So i just found out today that my ex is starting to see someone after 3 months of breaking up. we have been dating for about 2 years. I know the real reasons why he broke up, i have been doing limited contact with him, and i have been focusing on myself and whenever i interact with him, it’s have been simple and short conversation and I have always put my confident self when i’m around him and if i’m not i’m still focusing on myself and building my self confidence and independence. I was his first long term girlfriend, and i want to start a new relationship, but i don’t know that if this someone else is a rebound relationship or not after being broken up for 3 months? Do i still have a chance to get back with him? How do i act around them? Should i just keep my limited contact with him and focus on myself and follow the guide?

  176. Golfam 16 December 2011 at 7:45 am Permalink

    my bf and I were together for 7 years and he broke up with me about 10 months ago. we have had other break ups before (a couple) and have gotten back together after like a month or so. The previous break ups all happened after our friend (his very close friend) committed suicide about a year and a half ago and my bf has not really dealt with it yet.
    we kept in touch while broken up even when i went overseas to visit my dad for 5 months we sent each other fb msgs including bday wishes and even flirted a bit like when we first started going out. I called him twice when i was away. The 1st time was very casual and comfortable and the 2nd time i brought up getting back together and how i could see some of my stuff that bugged him. he basically said to me that we have given this thing enough chances and that its not fair for me to come back after 4-5 months and getting him all confused again. I told him that the chances we gave each other were too soon cuz we never had the chance to reflect back and that i just want to him to think about it. at the end of the convo (i think as a last resort) he said he is dating someone. I acted completely cool with it and said i’m sure she’s nice but she’ll never be what i was to you, just like no guy will ever be what you were to me. i also told him that while being away i met someone (a friend) who had all the stuff i always wanted him to have (be able to argue about everything! yeah i know! but i wanna be a lawyer so…) but it was not attractive to me anymore and made me realize what i had was in fact what i wanted. After our convo he went to fb and changed his relationship status to “in a relationship” which is so weird that all of a sudden you’re doing this! So I have been back home for about 3 months now. We keep in casual contact like every week or so we text each other to see how the other is doing but i never brought up getting back together again. I have seen him about 7-8 times now, most of it was his idea.Once i gave him a whole bunch of stuff i had brought back for him to let him know i was thinking about him. He loved all of it. I have seen him with friends and also alone. He always seems to want to make the night longer. It starts with meeting up and leads to dinner and then coffee… this is usually when we’re with friends. He still pays for my food, we share food and sit next to eachother. I’ve been told that to other people it looks the same as it always did, like we’re still dating! When we’re alone he seems very comfortable like usual, he has played with my hair commenting on the fact that i had straightened it (i have naturally curly hair), he has smacked me on my ass or bit my ass as a joke, he has ticked me, sat on top of me and grabbed my boobs as a joke while i’m lying on his bed (and i could tell he was excited if u know what i mean!!), and now last week when i took him some coffee while he was at work, we were saying goodbye and he kissed me on the lips, very quick, more like a peck like he usually does when he says goodbye. I thought it was a reflex and i looked to see if he’ll get nervous or apologize but he just smiled, held my hand for a sec and walked off. A couple of days later he texted me again and we met up for coffee, he was very casual, commented on my boobs and bra as a joke but then something happened. He walked off to take a phone call and i had his ipod. I clicked on his mail and found a couple of emails from a girl with a picture of her with the words “Love you, i’m sorry :(” on the pic. One email has the colored picture and one has a black and while pic, same pic, same words. and there was one email to her with no text, just the subject “love you”!!! Do you think he is in love with this new person now? she is not here, she is long distance but i have seen him text people when we’re out with friends. What do you think i should do??? I really want him back. it was 7 years :(( and i love him sooooooo much.
    Also you should know that i am 28 and he is 26. He hasn’t found himself yet, doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life which is one of the reasons he gave me for breaking up. He doesn’t wanna hold me back (bullshit!!!). This guy is so bad at talking and communicating so i’m afraid if i say anything to him about wanting to be back again he’ll just say no and that’ll push him back 20 steps. he has also commented on fb after seeing me one night that being in love is so hard and you shouldn’t fall in love cuz it fucks u over!! my friends think he needs to play the field before coming back cuz he didn’t really date before dating me when he was 18. i’m also really close with his family especially his sister.
    please Ashley, can you please tell me what u think i should do… i really need to get him back… I’m in love with him :((

  177. Brandon 18 December 2011 at 7:46 am Permalink

    So my girlfriend left me about four days ago saying she needs a break and space and time to think. After five texts later she says she says that the love just died and she wants to be good friends. I just stop texting after that and the next day she texts me telling me she is sad and that she is stupid for everything she said last night. So after comforting her I ask her is there possibly a chance we can get back together and she said she does not think so. I do not understand. I did nothing wrong in the relationship I supported her every way possible and was a great boyfriend so says all of her friends. The only thing that bugged me was that her friend Robert would text her and flirt with her on Facebook right in front of me and she never told him to stop or talked to him about how wrong it is. I trusted her and she told me that she does not like Robert at all and I believed her. But then today he sent a flirty message on facebook to her and she put a *;)* face which made me very upset. But my friend says that she does not like him. I do not know what to do. Does she like him? Why did she leave me and I did nothing wrong? ;/

  178. Jessica X 18 December 2011 at 3:30 pm Permalink

    I have been dating this guy for 2 and a half years…he said he lost attraction to me because of my weight and the fact that he thinks we are too different. He also slept with a Prostitute while I was out of town and lied about it but I found out from the messages in his phone. I love him. This was the guy I wanted to marry. What should I do? Should I fight for him to come back? or should I let him go?

  179. Abdul 24 December 2011 at 1:01 pm Permalink

    Me and this girl was were together for 2 years and she cheated on me with other guy. i am been waiting for 89 days. this 89 days she sleeping with me and telling me i love you behind the other guy. the other guy have money and treat her like shit. sometimes she is happy sometimes she just want to leave him. wat should i do. i dont know wat to do. i lost everything and give up everything for her. any idea guys wat should i do. thank you guys

  180. Sarah Anne 27 December 2011 at 11:59 am Permalink

    Hi I was dating a guy for a year. Then out of the blue he dumped me by phone for no reason. Then he insulted me by text and blamed everything on me. Proceeded to verbally abuse me by text. I never cheated and was always a good gf. Why would someone do this? How can people be so cruel? He refused to meet up with me and I never got any answers. I got no answer when I asked if there was someone else. He turned everyone against me and everyone cut me off. Why would someone so completely cruel for?

  181. Sarah Anne 27 December 2011 at 12:00 pm Permalink

    Is this The most bizarre breakup or what?

  182. Brian 29 December 2011 at 3:21 am Permalink

    At the beginning of September, my ex-girlfriend and I met on the second day of our freshman year of college. The morning of the second day, we had a house meeting where I first saw her. Right from the beginning some feeling inside came over me that I could really see myself being with her. It is the first time I’ve ever had such a feeling. I know that this was the girl I would want to go after and my next thought was that I wanted to talk to somehow. One of our RAs said that if you look around, some of these people here you may become very close to, even your best friends because you’ll be seeing them every day. We went on with our day and that night my two suitemates and I went to a house party that night. When the three of us came back, we saw a group of the people in our house playing Apples to Apples. The three of us joined the group trying to be friendly. When I looked to my right, there she was sitting just a few feet away with me, not wanting to play the game anymore and from the looks of it she was looking for other things to do. She was asking about the party my three suitemates and I went to earlier that night. Now this was my chance to fulfill the goal I made earlier that morning to talk to her. I’m a very shy individual, but it was the first time I wanted all the attention from her and I just let the words flow out of my mouth. It was wonderful that she and I shared such a nice conversation. The next morning she added me on Facebook which surprised me and brought a smile to my face because I knew then that she was thinking about me and just maybe she showed some interest. Her and I then texted for a good portion of the day after chatting on Facebook. Later that night we went to a party with some of the people in the house. I was scared to talk to her at first and I was too afraid to go over to the circle of girls she was in and start the conversation. Eventually though, her and a few of her friends she had met at orientation came over to the circle a few guys and I were standing in and started the conversation for her and I. Suddenly all her and I did was talk and talk while standing there for what seemed very briefly, when in reality it was maybe an hour or two because when I looked up from looking at her face, the party was filled with people. Before we started talking that night, the group of people we were with was the first ones at the party. When we walked back I was side by side with her. We came into my room and talked for a little bit more. She was drunk at this point and I was somewhat as well. In high school I was such a “goodie goodie” so it was a change taking part in the whole college experience. It then was approaching 12:30 or so and she said that she was thinking about heading up to her room to go to bed. I told her that I would walk her up to her room and say goodnight. Her drunken response was, “why so you can kiss me goodnight?” After that I said no that hadn’t crossed my mind. Immediately she felt bad and then eventually we said goodnight to one another. Over the next few days she saw that I was trying really hard and was such a sweet guy to her that she had to see where time would take us. Our first kiss was the next weekend on September 10th. We kissed many more times for a few weeks after that, but for a while she wanted to discontinue things for being afraid. We talked about it a few times and we just couldn’t keep our lips off of one another. She liked me but was holding back from everything. I felt as though it was because of her past relationship, and it had a good portion to do with it. Eventually though on October 14th we made it official and we were boyfriend and girlfriend. She said that she shouldn’t be afraid and she listened to her heart to be with me. We then dated for about two and a half months. I waited all my life to find someone special and it turned out she was that right girl. I can now say that she was my very first love. She was the girl I lost my virginity to and was the first person I’ve ever done anything sexual with. I had always told myself that wait to fall in love with someone before all of that happens. As it turned out that’s what happened to me because after spending every day since the second day of college with her, the first time I have ever felt loved was there. The next two months were great. Over the four day Thanksgiving break she was upset that she was away from me, but I told her that there will be nothing to worry about and we will get through it. She had a talk over break with her ex-boyfriend, and all that was said was they were sorry for what had happened between them and their talk served as a sense of closure that they needed and that they were happy for one another. When I got back to school she looked as beautiful as ever and from being away from her only made the reunion that much better. Winter break was approaching and she gave me my gift about a week beforehand. She had been thinking about getting my gift for quite some time now. She got me tickets to see one of my favorite artists in NYC for a concert which we would go together. Then I was to stay at her house from the 29th through New Year’s because she was having a party with her friends. In everything she said it was with the excitement of seeing me over break and loving me as much as she did. She told her girl friends that are also my friends how much she would miss me and how excited she is to have me there for a week. As we said our goodbyes two Thursdays again she cried but as we were home was accepting of the fact that it will be okay that we won’t see one another for a few weeks. The night of the 23rd I was at the mall getting a dressy outfit to wear at the New Year’s party she would be having. Then late that night and in to the early morning of Christmas Eve, I unexpectedly got a text saying, “We need to talk tomorrow.” I said, “Is something wrong”, and she said “I’m sorry something is wrong.” Then she said, “I can’t be with you anymore.” At this time I believe she was drunk because she had an ugly sweater party with her close group of friends. I called maybe 50 times hoping she would pick up because I couldn’t wait until the morning to talk about things. Around 3 she called and said she just can’t do this anymore because she loves someone else. The person it was is her ex-boyfriend. This past summer, she and the same guy had broken their relationship off after about two and a half years. He is two years older than her and from what she’s told me before her and I started dating was that they broke up from him being away at college and when he came home he had changed. Things just weren’t the same for them. In addition she was affected by the distance between the two of them, seeing that at the time she was in high school and he in college, they’d be apart for most of the year. Before her and I started dating she was afraid of getting hurt again and also afraid of the distance that her and I lived apart. We both go to the same school, so I thought that if I’m at school for nine months out of the year with her, it wouldn’t be hard to get over the distance. She doesn’t like being with someone and missing that person while being away from them. She then said she didn’t love me the way she should and that she misses him more than she misses me. To me it just didn’t make any sense because she would tell me, just the day before, how much she loved and cared for me. I tried calling all of my friends from home, and all of our mutual friends at school, but no one picked up because it was so early in the morning. I cried for the rest of the night then and didn’t sleep at all. Eventually throughout the day all my friends I called contacted me and I told them the news. Some found out because of the Facebook update in our relationship statuses. Every person was shocked, and the girls said they don’t know why this is happening to me because just a few weeks ago she was telling them all these things about me. My thought of her dumping me was that since she is away from me, she feels the need to be with someone and see them as much as possible, because she’s used to having a boyfriend and seeing that person a lot. Since her ex-boyfriend lives in her town, and I in a different state, I think she’s only doing it only since she is away from me. She said she started missing him over the Thanksgiving break and just put it to the back of her head until now. Suddenly it is bothering her that she misses him only when she’s been home away from me. I was supposed to spend the best week of my life with her starting tomorrow. It had been the first time I had someone during Christmas time, and I was really looking forward to the moment of kissing her when the ball drops on New Year’s. That would have been my first time for that as well and I was looking to make that a memorable moment. I think that once winter break is over, her feelings will then again switch back to me because she’ll probably see me every day, or pass by my room at least. We had already talked about a future with one another, and that’s what doesn’t make the most sense. She was fine one day, and all of the sudden she ruined it by this decision. Is there any chance she realizes she could be wrong and that the thing with her ex-boyfriend happened in the past for a reason she needs to move on from it? Can I do anything to get her back? I truly love this girl with all my heart and our memories together only had just begun. Is this just a process she may need to go through only to see that maybe I’m the one that’s right for her? If there is anything I can do to get things back to where I was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life, may you please give any words of advice?

  183. mo_nichi 29 December 2011 at 1:47 pm Permalink

    Hello miss Ashley

    Your video did help me a bit i understand now why my bf just broke up with me see we have been together for four years and the first two years was great then he joined the army and met a girl out there and she liked him and he just wanna to help her out as so he said i let him because i was his first gf he never had another before me as long as him and her break up of corse and before he left we had a big problem with a former friend of mine that caused it then when he got back from training he was a little different i noticed his phone always being set down so the screen doesn’t show and he would leave the room to talk to this person i later found out he was still with her and this angered me i finally convinced him to leave her because i was better for him but by doing that he got it into his mind that he wasn’t finished exploring so then he found another girl then another and now this last one that knew he had a gf but says we had problems so that’s why hes with her yet im living with him i do everything for him and he loves me she wants to pull us apart but by seeing your video i understand shes just her for a min and soon he will realize what he has

  184. Katie 29 December 2011 at 3:51 pm Permalink

    Hi…my situation is similar to this. I think my bf had it pre-planned he is sleeping/seeing another girl from work although they are not official yet still he calls me or anwsers my calls whenever we talk said he wanted to be “friends”. I did all the wrong moves and now I’m acting like I could care less even though I’m hurting inside. Hopefully you can give me advice on how I can get out of the “friend zone” and back to being his girl or if I should even bother. I’m trying to be mature about it but its hard. 2 years gone and a girl hes been with less then a month is more important and is “So in love” but if he is, then he wouldn’t feel the need to talk to me right? should I give him ultimatium or pretend to be his friend?

  185. Esmeralda 1 January 2012 at 7:58 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley, so I broke up with my now to be ex boyfriend about three weeks ago and I recently found out that he has been talking to this new girl since about the end of November. I broke up with him because I didn’t feel the same and I’m beginning to think that him talking to this girl had to deal with the change I felt towards him yet I didn’t know about this girl until yesterday. He through it in my face during a phone conversation that he could find someone who treated him than what I did (which does not make any sense because I was always sweet, loving, and honest with him; he was the one who was always shady) and then I through the comment back at him ( I can find someone better) and then he said “okay, that’s why I am rocking $120 pair of jordons that this female bought for me right?” My questions are: 1) Do you think he still loves me? 2) Why would he tell me about her buying him shoes? 3) Could his feeling be real or does this sound like a rebound relationship to you? 4) Do you think he is trying to fix what we had through this girl?
    – I was with him for two years
    -His first three relationships he was cheated on all three times

  186. matt brady 2 January 2012 at 7:52 pm Permalink

    thank you so much. fantastic video.

  187. lovebugg 3 January 2012 at 1:28 pm Permalink

    well its a long story but please help me!!
    ok well it was a long distance typ thing and its only been about 3 months
    sence it ended and he was trying to be with a friend of his and they nevery made it ofical to be together because she didint want to but they was talking for 2 months and now we have been talking more affter the fact that i had stoped trying to be with him and pritty much just said well hope watever you do and who ever your with works out an makes you happy night and we didint talk for about 3 weeks in tell one day he text me and said he miss me and he still love me and we started talking about how we had great times together and if it was n0 distance we would prolly still be together but then we talked somemore and he got upset because i dated some one els and moved to the same city he was in with the other man and he felt upset becouse i didint do it for him but i told him that i would of and i tryed eveything to get him to stay and come back but i got tird of the pain of seeing him with some one els and gave up on trying to wen him back but then he said maybe one day we coud be together as a couple but he wants to see me 1 day even wen we not together because he has this girl that he made plans and said he was gunna be with her all becouse she lives in NY with him and its easy for him that way other then waiting for me to move back there for him and he said its my folt becuse i didint tell him i wanted to move there so now i dont know wat to do or wat to say to him because it still hurts me so bad and i really want him back i cant deal with him wanting to spend time with me and telling me he loves me and calls me baby and cuddul with me

  188. Jeffrey 4 January 2012 at 10:27 am Permalink

    Folks please help me in getting myself in the right direction..
    Me and me ex girlfriend broke up a month ago(we were together for 20 months)..we are still on talking terms..she broke up with me because she feels there’s no compatiability between us..we had a healthy relationship,but I used to initiate fights on simple things like why didn’t you call or text and stuff like that way..that was not to hurt her..but I failed to understand that it actually did hurt her to an extent where she had to breakup with me..during this one month I realized a lot of things about the relationship and started to view things in a different point of view..I’m ready to work on this relationship which I’m sure is worth giving it a other chance and I’m sure I’ll not fail this time..but when I expressed this point to me ex..she said she is not confident about herself being in relationship..cannot picture herself in a relationship..and she is happy being the way she is right now(alone)..when I told her that we can sort out things..she was like it will happen only if two people want to wor it out..but she doesn’t want a relationship anymore..she just wants to remain single as she feels that she is not meant for relationships..cause she experienced the similar things in her past relationships as well..I love her so much we shared a lot of beautiful memories..she has my name rattlers on her arm..on our 1yr anniversary..I know she loves me the way I do..but she just feels we are not compatiable enough..guys please help me – I don’t want to lose her..i feel this is definitely worth giving it a other try..how do I maker her feel confident about the relationship..please help

  189. John 4 January 2012 at 10:40 pm Permalink


    I was into a 2 year long relationship with the girl I love most. Recently, due to some heated arguments between us regarding her Ex and few Male friends we got a bad fight. She immediately broke up with me with the reason that I do not RESPECT her. But, she said that she knew no one can Love her more then me. But, now she is immediately dating a new guy, who was also a friend of mine sometime. They got into relationship as soon as we had that fight or may be there was something going in between them from month. Now, they are too intimate with their relationship I guess and it just kills me every second of my life.

    Kindly, suggest me what steps shall I take to win her back. She says she hates me a lot now and do not want to see my face. I tried calling her and did apologized for words I used in anger. I did mistake sometime like arguing with her over ex BF. But, I know she too leved me very deeply. We had too intimate relationship as well. I feel worse now, I badly want her back now. They are getting very intimate too, I saw them in Park nearby.

    I need her, she was my breathe. I am not calling her past 10 days(NC Rule). I came out of town too. We broke up about 4 weeks back. Plese suggest something to me .I ll owe this to you for lifetime. Thanks!!!

    John M.

  190. John 5 January 2012 at 2:25 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    I was into a 2 year long relationship with the girl I love most. Recently, due to some heated arguments between us regarding her Ex and few Male friends we got a bad fight. She immediately broke up with me with the reason that I do not RESPECT her. But, she said that she knew no one can Love her more then me. But, now she is immediately dating a new guy, who was also a friend of mine sometime. They got into relationship as soon as we had that fight or may be there was something going in between them from month. Now, they are too intimate with their relationship I guess and it just kills me every second of my life.

    Kindly, suggest me what steps shall I take to win her back. She says she hates me a lot now and do not want to see my face. I tried calling her and did apologized for words I used in anger. I did mistake sometime like arguing with her over ex BF. But, I know she too leved me very deeply. We had too intimate relationship as well. I feel worse now, I badly want her back now. They are getting very intimate too, I saw them in Park nearby.

    I need her, she was my breathe. I am not calling her past 10 days(NC Rule). I came out of town too. We broke up about 4 weeks back. Plese suggest something to me .I ll owe this to you for lifetime. Thanks!!!

    John M.

  191. anonymous 5 January 2012 at 5:27 pm Permalink

    hey,do help me to get her back..i was jst in a relationship for 2 months but we both were very serious…but suddenly her ex comes with whom she was in relationship for 3 years who had left her 3 months before we started.. i just don’t know what did he say to her but she again felt in luv with her..she was in luv with me dat time too and was still going this way for around 2 weeks.. i know her ex bf have a lot of gfs and he is really cheating on her..but she dont cares about it and wants to date him and even date him after all this..i dont know what did he say..but i want her back.i consider her to be my life.do help.she considers me as a gud frnd now..after all we did in bit terms of physical.

  192. anonymous 5 January 2012 at 5:39 pm Permalink

    hey,do help me to get her back..i was jst in a relationship for 2 months but we both were very serious…but suddenly her ex comes with whom she was in relationship for 3 years who had left her 3 months before we started.. i just don’t know what did he say to her but she again felt in luv with her..she was in luv with me dat time too and was still going this way for around 2 weeks.. i know her ex bf have a lot of gfs and he is really cheating on her..but she dont cares about it and wants to date him and even date him after all this..i dont know what did he say..but i want her back.i consider her to be my life.do help.she considers me as a gud frnd now..after all we did in bit terms of physical. i always tried our relationship to be very sweet ,, friendly,, with no fights,, ….but what 2day i hv iz jst loneliness…

  193. Gail F. 9 January 2012 at 6:15 am Permalink

    Question, I was married for 10 years, we had a son together, 10 yrs old now then I went to college, & graduated and while working in my field, we welcomed our daughter 2 years old now. i got sick with an auto immune disease (genetic) while pregnant, which debilitated me. I had to be hospitalized on and off. I had a high risk pregnancy, was hospitalized for constant bleeding. While i was in the hosp. my husband was cheating on me with a woman half his age. I put the divorce, and cancelled it twice, i forgave him twice but he never left the woman. While i was on the rebound i found someone whom i had a child with and made me get in a lot of financial debt, to the point of bankruptcy. i am still in the process of divorce from my husband. He kept our two children since there was domestic violence between my boyfriend and i when i was pregnant. He was a career criminal & i didnt know it. My husband kept our house, our kids, started to live in our house with his lover. Everything seems good between them. I miss him and regret all the mistakes i did. He still misses me but he is in a new relationship. want him back. The woman is 14 yrs younger than me. Since i had a child with my boyfriend, he feels disgusted. He wont be able to overcome that. He says he should be happy but he still remembers how we were as a family, and misses that very much.

    • KAT 19 March 2012 at 7:26 am Permalink

      You need to stay away from the boyfriend and bide your time and actions.
      Your husband may have a change of mind when you clean up your own act.

  194. Gail F. 9 January 2012 at 6:16 am Permalink

    how do I get him back ???????????

  195. Val Pulido 9 January 2012 at 10:21 am Permalink

    My ex and I had been together for three years. Year two is when things started to go bad. He always had a thought that he had to lie to make himself look better to me. HE LIED A LOT. He cheated three times in year two and i finally found out at the very beginning of year three. It was a huge struggle, but we ended up giving it another try. He did not cheat at all in year three because he never wanted to hurt me like that again. At the end of year three he moved in with his friends and everything took a turn for the worst. He started to ignore me and eventually I got fed up and broke up with him. I guess I just got worked up at the moment but I wanted him back after. However, he was acting weird. In that time we had been broken up we still hooked up but towards the end I felt like he was trying to be secretive. I found out that he was already talking to another girl, a girl that he had known before he ever knew me. I confronted her and we discovered that he was getting with both of us. He had been caught. I yelled at him and convinced him to turn his life around and move in back home. There was still a problem though, he loved me but still fell for her. He liked her. He wants to be her boyfriend to see what happens. He said its something he has to do, but he does not know if it will last with her. We talked about it and I told him I cannot force him to do anything. He says he feels so confused and he does not know who to choose. He does not know why he wants to be with her, but still is in love with me. He told me that if it does not work out with her, He will not stop fighting to win me back. The most recent talked we had he was split down the middle. He said I had made him fall in love with me all over again, but still he has feelings for that girl. HOW DO I WIN HIM BACK? I honestly and truly love him. We both admit that there is one of the strongest connections between us. He even said that when he is with her he thinks of me. He told me that his kiss with her has no spark and with me its so right. How do I make him choose me, instead of seeing if things will go good with the other girl? Please Help.

  196. miel 9 January 2012 at 5:09 pm Permalink

    hi! i hope you can give me some advise.

    she’s my ex now but we still live in the same place, same house. she sleeps beside me, hug me and kiss me. the sad thing is she’s committed to someone else. she takes me forgranted even if she sees my changes. she said she wants to come back to me but she choose to follow her mind than her heart. she loves me so much but she loves that someone too. she can’t leave her but she can’t see herself without me. we know everthing about each other. she’s comfortable with me, i know everything she likes and wants. how can i get her back? i love her so much. how can i change her mind so she can come back to me.

    the best thing about us is that we know each other since kids. we had a special bond. all of a sudden, something went wrong that she just got so tired of me emotionally. now that she has a new lover, she chose to be happy with that someone.

    please give me an advise. i really want to get her back. she loves me so much but she just had a choice. how can i get her back?

  197. Kayla 13 January 2012 at 8:42 am Permalink

    My ex girlfriend and I broke up after a year and a half. A few days before we broke up she was telling me how much she loved me and how I meant everything to her but she started hanging out with one of my old friends and getting high with her and one night they went out to a party and my gf wouldn’t answer me so i kept txting and calling and the next day she broke up with me. After we broke up i txted and called and did everything to try and get her back,after we broke up she got in a relationship with that other girl. We went a month without talking and then she txted me and we started talking,one morning she called me crying and was txting me telling me she missed me and stuff. Then all of a sudden she told me to leave her alone and stop txting her and she doesnt care how i feel and she hates me. I’m confused,does she really missme? Does she miss us? She started telling this girl she loves her right away and it hurts.i dont understand. I’m scared that if I leave her alone she’s gonna forget and shes not gonna miss me? How would she miss me if she doesnt see me and she has somebody else?

  198. Angelo 16 January 2012 at 11:48 am Permalink

    hey ashley, i would really appreciate any advice you could give me.. about 3 months ago my ex broke up with me after a 2 year relationship..i wanted to marry this girl..even till this day everywhere i go ..i see her face on almost every girl i see..i know i have a problem and let the thoughts of her almost consume me. In 2 months after breaking up she found someone new and is now currently in a relationship with him..we had a lot of trouble in our relationship..i was young and immature..jealous and insecure but i changed and unfortunately by the time i did change during those months she had already changed for the worst..she did not ever show any kind of emotion i could tell she was bitter and resentful..she did not say much and was very distant..i know shes trying hard to move on because what we had was not healthy ..but i know we both felt a love that was just tremendous..she knows even while shes in another mans arms without hesitation if needed be id give my life for her..i did try to reach out to her never bad talking her new guy or her in any way but just asking her if she realy thought this was right ..to move so quick with someone else ..had she not given herself some time for just her..im sleepless at night now..i just started being able to eat and do normal healthy things..but i toss and turn and she is in my mind from morning to night..i still have her pictures and things she left at my apt..we practically lived together for a while..the hardest thing is that she was of muslim religion and i wasnt ..that was a major problem between us but i would of converted anyway for her..she never believed it but now this new guy is muslim as well so she might give them more hope then she did us…
    i was my x’s first love..first everything..thats why all this is very eye opening..i feel the worst thing is to waste such intense emotions ..what i feel for her im happy to say i even felt for a person before..i try not to be resentful or bitter i dont wish anything negative for her relationship if she is truly happy..but i miss her uncontrollably ..please ..help me out with any advice..! ive never been this way..and i dont know which way to go ..i have not contacted her in 2 weeks now ..and she changed her number anyways in 3 months she hasnt contacted me and makes no effort to even seem to acknowledge me..she doesnt say anything bad but we had what we had and now its over..she suggests i just move on with someone else as well.. But i feel im convinced this is all just bullshit..i know she feels for me ive dealt with her “walls” before.. i know she just is really really good at blocking her emotions..but can i be wrong..

  199. My situation is totally different! 17 January 2012 at 3:46 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley. Me again… I really hope you are reading these messages. I really hope you soon address what to do when you suspect your heart belongs to a “player”.

    I have been feeling mixed thoughts as he has come back into my life, and I can tell he is keeping me “at bay”. Meaning he does care for me, won’t answer my questions, I’m sure for fear of saying too much, but he says “I can’t have im the way I want him” and he won’t tell me WHY!!!!! Hope you find it in your heart to reply. I would really love to hear from anyone who could respond kindly. See previous post under same title….Thanks!

  200. shawn88 19 January 2012 at 5:55 pm Permalink

    me an my ex have been split for 2 years we have a 3 yr old daughter together she started haning with a guy bout 3 weeks after our split an wouldnt admit to actually dating him for bout 4 months an theve been together ever since. we would talk bout reconsiliation an hook up an have sex from time to time but its been a year since the last sexual encounter she says she loves him an me an when i ask her if i should give up an go my own way she says she doesnt kno cuz she still loves me i just dunno what to do its been ongoing bs for 2 yrs an its driving me crazy

  201. Maxine 22 January 2012 at 12:01 am Permalink

    I was with my Ex for a year on and off, just before xmas i found out he met someone, we had been on non speaking terms for about 2 months, when i found out he met someone, i was heartbroken, i still am..i told him id made the biggest mistake of my life, but he said he wanted to make ago with this new women, he had only been seeing her for 2 weeks, he said he didnt want to get hurt again..he got in touch with me before new year, he said he still thought about me, he said that his feelings hadnt changed for me and he didnt think they would in any hurry, i told him mine hadnt either, he told me that if we still feel the same about each other as time goes on, we would have to do something about it..that was it really, so im left hanging!! He is still with this women, I still love him very much..what do I do???

  202. Maxine 22 January 2012 at 12:07 am Permalink

    Can I just add, he loved me and said he wanted to marry me, he said i hadnt gave him a chance, i wish i had now..:(

  203. nathan 22 January 2012 at 2:14 am Permalink

    im really confused. my ex broke up with me sometime last year cos she had a crush on some guy , we dident talk for a month, then when we started talking again we went straight into having sex again. weve been have sex for awhile now, she has had a crush on some guy for 3 years, even during our year and a half relationship. she says she still loves me, recently she asked the guy how he feels about her and he said he doesent like her, shes gone all depressive. i really want her back but i dunno what to do?

  204. nathan 22 January 2012 at 2:23 am Permalink

    just noticed my problem is also kinda like shawn88’s, she says she loves me but she doesent know if she wants me back or not. i think i keep ruining my chances by saying i love her and i wont give up on her. i really want her back

  205. Sophie 24 January 2012 at 9:38 am Permalink

    Hi, i just broke up with my recent boyfriend. we dated for over a year, is the longest relationship that he and I ever had. I still have strong feeling for him. But lately he’s seeing someone else. ONLINE. I always think online dating will never last. especially when they’re so far away from each other. He’s living where i live which is California and the girl he’s dating right is all the way in Virginia. I know it sound selfish that i want happiness with him myself.. But I’m not doing anything right now but wait and chill. The only thing that i wondering …Do you think there’s still hope for me? Do you think they will last ?
    Please help (:

  206. Tom 26 January 2012 at 10:23 am Permalink

    My ex was seeing someone else for around a month, they have now broken up. Does that mean she has broken up due to me and is considering taking me back. I don’t want to assume something that could be wrong.

  207. Ashley 27 January 2012 at 8:41 pm Permalink

    My ex and I were in a year realationship I was 2 months pregnant we we got together, he treated my daughter like his and still does we broke up 3 weeks ago and the day after he started flirty with another girl. I was always nagging at him to get off video games and he was unhappy with how lazy i am. we worked really well together we both thought and our arguements were never about anything big. except one his ex who he finally stopped talking to. His biggest complaint is i am annoying but then why was he with me for so long? And he broke up with me because of the arguing. He still flirts but says that is just who he is. What can I do to get him back we see eachother all the time due to Pearl my daughter? And why is he trying to be with someone else already? Did our year really mean nothing?

  208. Bhashara 29 January 2012 at 11:46 am Permalink

    Hi, my baby father and I was together for 4 years. 3 months after we split he was dating someone else. Within the first month of their relationship me and my ex slept together and he has non stop asking for sex every time he comes to see the kids. I’m confused, I’ve told him that I no longer want to sleep with him and that he should stay faithful to his new girlfriend. He seemed ok with it at first. Why is he cheating on her? Why is he so interested in me opening up to him but says its too late for us? He still wants to have an emotional and physical attachment to me but only says he wants to be f**k buddies. He constantly brings up the past about me not being open with him, he has even said to his mum that he still thinks about the good time we had, but to me its the opposite he says. Sometimes he will be really rude and say little comments to wind me up.

  209. Marissa 30 January 2012 at 11:26 am Permalink

    What if your ex is in a rebound relationship, dated them for a month, broke up for a day, then got back together with them, but still says you’ll get back together?

  210. Holly 31 January 2012 at 7:57 am Permalink

    Hey everyone. This is a bit of a long story but I would love anyone’s idea on my situation. My ex and I had been together for 6 years. When we got to the 6 year mark, things started to get a little rocky (he became verbally and emotionally abusive towards me) so I told him that we needed to take a break. While we were on this break, I slept with another guy and wound up pregnant. Before I had found out that I was pregnant, my ex and I got back together. My ex stood by me my entire pregnancy even though it wasn’t his baby. He was really hurt and upset but he stayed with me. Once the baby was born, we continued to stay together but I only saw him when the baby was with his father. He said that he couldn’t accept the baby and that it hurt to much. Well, eventually, he started to hang out when the baby was around and we would go to the park or he would come over. During Thanksgiving break, I stayed with my ex at his place for an entire week while the baby was with his father. The day after the baby returned and I went home, my ex came over and hung out because he said he missed me. Two days later, I get a text that he doesn’t want this anymore. He said that he was ready to move on and that he didn’t want the life I could give him. Well, two weeks later he tells me that he met someone that he would like to get to know. I was very upset and told him that he would leave me for someone else. He said it wasn’t a big deal and he was just getting to know her. Meanwhile, he was asking me to send him naked pictures of myself and that he wanted to hook up with me. Well, two weeks after I find out that he met someone, he emailed me and told me that he “had a love at first sight experience”. I called him upset and he asked to meet with me to talk. So we met and talked and I cried my eyes out and he told me that “it was like he was struck by lightning” and not to be upset. That everything worked out exactly as it was supposed to and that my future is bright. Well, later that day I find out from a friend that he proposed to this girl. He didn’t even tell me in person. He later called me and threatened me that I better not try to contact his fiance on facebook and if I do I have something bad coming. He said that he wants to let life come back around and be friends one day. We spent the next month emailing back and forth, where I would pour my heart out and be upset. Then I decided to not contact him. He would then email me things like “Hey, whats good?” or talk about the football game. I don’t understand why he tries to contact me if he’s so in love with someone else. I told him 3 days ago that I didn’t want to make small talk with him and he said ok, I think it’s for the best. I then said “Cool, have a great life” in which he replied “or let life come back around”. I haven’t heard from him since. I’m really upset that we were together for 8 years and he just up and left me and got engaged within a month and claims he’s so in love. Is this possible?

  211. Pierro 4 February 2012 at 9:15 am Permalink

    So question why does she seem to feel the need to keep me posted on whether they had sex yet or not? And why does she keep asking me if i am with someone else? Also she texts me first everymorning, so do i start NC or LC and how do i do either of them? Also keep in mind that she said she wanted to be friends and we are not in the same city

  212. brooke 7 February 2012 at 2:23 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley! I was just wondering if the seed letter you talk about still applies if your ex is seeing someone else? Should I still send it? Or should I just not contact my ex at all?

  213. Miranda 7 February 2012 at 4:49 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley,
    I would love to purchase your system, but I am not sure it will apply in my particular situation. I met my guy about seven months ago while he was already in a relationship of 4.5 years. He ended up breaking up with her and we got together a couple months after that. He was very confused about his feelings because he had never broken up with someone before and this was only his second relationship. They had nothing in common, she is super young and we were basically a perfect match from the start. However, we are long distance. This presented a problem at times, since he seemed to be needy for company. When we started going out, he was all about me and we were crazy for each other. We had many talks of our future together and about me moving there, which I had already planned on doing before him. After a couple of months, he breaks up with me out of nowhere. Says he still has feelings for his ex and has to give her a fair chance or else he will regret it. So, he cut me off completely and went back to her. She lives near him and is good friends with his family and brothers. Basically, she has a alot of influence over his life, and so does his family, which encouraged him to get back together with her. Which is unfair since I have never even met them. I know she will not be enough for him since she wasn’t before, but he had to do this. It hurts because I feel like he didn’t even give me a fair chance. He was very upset about the decision but had to do, knowing he would also regret me.

    But he went through with it. I went for a full month without contacting him, I wrote him an email a few days after the breakup that was nice and long and polite but that was it. The other day, he started following me on twitter again and caused a commotion. I decided to text him and we ended up having a pleasant but brief conversation. I pretended to be happy and that I missed talking to him ‘sometimes’ to which he replied the same. Then he ended it with: if you need me, you can email me, we’ll talk again soon, don’t forget about it. I do not know how to read this. It seems to contradict what he was trying to do in the first place and almost gives me a false sense of hope. Then, 2 days later, the ex he went back to finally changed her status back to ‘in a relationship’. I am confused about his text and what it means and what I should do. If this is even salvagable. We are such a match and have not only the important things in common, but fun little things. He said he thinks we were meant to be. But I feel as if he is settling now, and did not move on from his ex before jumping in with me. I want him back because I know we’re right for each other, but I don’t know what I should do.

  214. Miranda 7 February 2012 at 4:51 pm Permalink

    I meant, he said ‘don’t forget about me’. Which makes a difference, haha!

  215. Emma 7 February 2012 at 8:56 pm Permalink

    Hi I really need help iv been wit my ex for 7years we hav a son already and a girl due in 4months I did not kno nethin untill he broke up wit me he went out on fri and then came bck sat nite and ended it wit me I kno he’s seein sum1 else but says he ain’t leavin us for her I did txt him first begging and pleading but hav stopped fir the past 4 days I dnt txt unless he asks 2c he’s son which he’s dun once in four days but he wants tocome rand straight from wrk tonight till my son goes to bed then he goes and stays at his mums the other girl lives in London and so he’s lucky if he sees her once a week I jus wondered wot to do and how to act now wen he’s here it’s jus general chit chat and I Neva mention us but i really want toget us bck I jus dnt kno wot to do now plz help! Xx

  216. John Briggs 14 February 2012 at 9:01 am Permalink

    I fell in love with a woman who was ready to leave her husband , she went out with me then her husband moved out got divorced all the while without knowing about me , he never saw me met me or knew much about me cause she kept me at a distance , we went out for two years and think she never fell out of love with him or she told me she felt sorry for him and eventually ended it with me because of distance and also she sais he needed to come back for the kids. We broke up , but now she rubbed it in my face , i told her how much i cared and tryed to get her back . Then i saw you and now i’m tryin to take your advice and now she see’s me every once in a while , i’m staying away and it seems she’s just trying to forget about me . I’m tryin hard to stay away but it’s hard , we have slept together , i’m just wondering why she would do that if she was wanting to be commited back to him. She say’s we are over but that we can still see each other when she feels like gettin together. I need to give up because i really love this woman but i think she will end up with him . I ordered her flowers to her work then cancelled them for valentines on the advice from a friend , hardest thing to do , i hope it’s the right thing to do , because i wanted her to know how much i cared and now she won’t .

  217. steve 15 February 2012 at 1:23 pm Permalink

    Hey I am wondering in a period of no contact i am going to wish my ex a happy birthday. I just stopped contacing and I did not get to say I agree with the break up. I know this is a step to get her back but I am wondering if I should say it all.
    What I was going to say is

    Happy birthday. I know it probably does not matter at this point but I did not get a chance to tell you I agree with us breaking up…etc

    Any advice if I should say this or not? THANKS

  218. Judy 17 February 2012 at 8:12 am Permalink

    Hey Ashley!

    So here’s the thing, im 20 years old and my ex boyfriend is as well. we stayed together for 7 months, and i can assure you and everyone else that we were madly inlove. we used to fight ALOT though. but i mean we managed to get things right after every fight which makes our relationship strong. im not proud by saying that i’ve made him cry several times because of things he did, and he did know he was wrong. well anyways the main deal here is that eventually HE broke up with me, because he thought i was on his back in some way and he kept on saying tat we were different. but a few days before he was telling me how madly inlove with me he was. i honestly told him that i cant be friends with him because i cant lie to myself and act as friends it’s hurtful. 1 week later he’s dating a new girl, shes.. NOTHING LIKE ME, but i mean we all no guys wanna have “fun” at some point. people at college started talking that wat hes doing is cruel and all that.. i ust never complained bcse i was hoping we could get back together i mean i love him. he send me a message telling me i was a cheap girl craving co**s and that i should stop talking abt him. ever since i never spoke to him bcse he disrespected me.. after a month of him dating that other girl he tells people that i cheated on him… and hes holding it against me when i didnt and he knew how mad i was abt him and he was to thats the shocker!!! He never even let me explain that i ddnt cheat on him, hes been with the new girl now for two months… and i mean i know their relationship isnt going anywhere bcse i know him and they have different backgrounds and all that.. it’s been 2 months… and idont know what to do , i cant seem to start dating again bcse i cant move on… and one of my closest friends stood against with him bcse i fought with her about something stupidd sooo she acted childish and now has his back when i never asked her to take sides. so HE hass this whole armor around him of friends that keep on piling bullshit in his head, and everyone tells me its already too late for u to talk to him abt it… i really want him backk but dont know how to get him… i want HIM to come… please help me.

  219. sharn1982 17 February 2012 at 9:58 pm Permalink

    if you were inlove with someone for 3 years but they told u they couldn’t make you happy and ended it and then someone else told you they wanted to make you happy wouldn’t you give it a go even if it meant settling a bit because the real person u love turned his back on the relationship?

    that’s what happened but only differnece is once i started seeing someone else it finally kicked my ex’s bhind into gear and made him realise that i was the ‘one’ only now this other guy is telling me he’s in love and even though i started dating him because he wanted me i know i settled and can’t dig myself out of this hole if i go back i break this new guys heart, he has already had ex’s go back to their previous ex’s and I know its taken a lot for him to open up to me as we were friends for 3 years prior and also FWB’s while I was with my ex because I thought thats what I wanted but it wan’t. i told the new guy lots about the problems i had with my ex who i am very much inlove with still so he knew b4 hand what i wanted when westarted dating, if i don’t go back i risk losing what i wanted but also risk it failing again, but I know staying isn’t the right thing to do but its complicated we were friends before we work very close together and he’s booked a holiday already for us, my ex knows all this and i keep telling my ex to just wait so i can fix this and go back but in all honesty I’m scared and i don’t know how or if i can take that risk its very hard coming out of a rebound relationship.

    • MY SITUATION.....part 3 27 February 2012 at 9:10 am Permalink

      Thanks for your comment….. I often wonder if my love is lyin to me when he says he doesn’t know how to break up with his girlfriend. His daughter knows her, probably gotten attached, yet its ME he loves…. I love him so and want him to come back, and this girl has moved in with him. My question is, HOW LONG DO U STAY WHERE YOU REALLY DON’T WANT TO BE?????It’s been a year now since he first told me about her but just admitted they live together….

  220. Jason 22 February 2012 at 7:32 pm Permalink

    What does it mean if she can’t even tell me she has new bf and is keeping a secret nd I find out through her friend.

  221. Andy 27 February 2012 at 4:39 pm Permalink

    What are my chances I went crazy when I found out after 2-3 week shes already with someone this whole time I’m telling her how much she means to me and how much I love her mean while She was with him pretty much the whole time then I found out and wouldn’t leave her alone bc i was pissed ahe wouldnt say anything like they were getting serious and saying things like I can’t believe your already serious with this joke and how can u forget everything and she said she going to the cops bc she is a good girl and i guess i did mess her up and her jumping into this isn’t her but I called her on it and I think that why she’s so upset I’m just wondering what you think

  222. Andy 5 March 2012 at 10:51 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley umm i’ve never tried reaching out to anybody like this so it would be greatly appreciated if you could help me out :) Ok, well i just got off the phone with my ex and we still love each other and want to be together and ummm well recently ive been having the feeling she’s been hiding things from me and those feeling were confirmed today cause after her telling me to promise not to get mad she told me she had been sleeping with her ex and that she only has done it three times and she explained to me that the first time was very confusing for her, the second time she actually starting wondering if she still loved the guy, and third time just happened. Now i’m fighting my hardest to get my life together so that i can have a job, go to school, move out, and have the freedom to work things out with her and get our relationship going again but after what she had told me i then felt like i was doing everything for nothing and she had said to me, before all this, that if anything were to happen it couldve been avoided simply if i had gotten my shit together sooner so now i also feel like its my fault :( I took everything she said calmly i didnt flip out and yell if anything i tried to show her that all i cared about was for us not to hide anything from each other anymore. i did try to get her to promise not to do what she did again and she refused and that got to me but i am still her ex so really all i can do is just hope she wont. I then told her that fine she didnt have to promise me but atleast try cause as a man and for the sake of having self respect and dignity i wouldn’t put up with it again and she did start crying and saying she was sorry and i told her i did fogive her and then she started saying that she was a slut and i said that no you’re not a slut you’re just confused. the weird part about this whole thing is that i actually spent more time comforting her and i dont know if that a good thing or bad thing on my part? i didnt judge her, i didnt hate her, i didnt love her any less and im very confused by that and even she was getting suspicious cause i was too calm about it but thats just how i am. I dont like judging people by the mistakes they make but by how they go about trying to resolve them. Sorry i wrote so much and thanks for taking the time to read this. I’ve never been put through this kind of situation and im just looking for help cause i cant deal with this alone.

  223. jason 6 March 2012 at 7:46 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley

    My ex and I of three years broke up a few months ago. She moved back to the state she is from and we continued to talk/see each other. About two weeks ago I was trying to pursuade her to move back and she says she is having a hard time getting over the fact that I ask her to move out. She said she needed space, and then proceeded to text me until two days ago and then went cold. I didn’t contact and tonight she text and sent me a picture of herself. I was polite and responded then left it alone. Later this evening she posted a cake and said “our first dirt cake” with a heart next to it. I knew she was looking at someone else but that nightmare came true tonight. I called her without answer ten straight times. I am destroyed. She sends mixed signals all of the time . What can I do? I really want her back but feel because I acted out tonight that it pretty much sealed my fate. Is there hope?

  224. Camila Dosreis 7 March 2012 at 11:10 am Permalink

    Hey Ashley,

    My ex and I officially broke up in november, but we remained friends until a week ago. Im not sure how long its been, but He is seeing someone else now and has blocked me from contacting him. He even called one of my best friends (who goes out with one of his good friends) to ask if they would go on a double date with his new girl. Im so sad, and i feel so hopeless. Im not sure wat to do, just a week ago we slept together and now hes acting like this. What can I do to get him back?

  225. MC 13 March 2012 at 9:58 am Permalink

    I have been reading the blog before deciding to buy the guide and I think I made ALL the possible mistakes. We were together not long, but was a very intense one. The break-up came out of the blue and I am still not sure what happen. I was hurt in I kind of beg and humiliate myself cos I was still crazy about him. We were living together and I still have my stuff in his place, but for healthy reasons I havent been able to pick up the things yet. So he told me not to contact him again and pick up my stuff this week. Other mistake I made was sleeping with him a few times after the break-up
    The last thing he told me was, he was kind of seeing someone else. I stop txting him and this weekend he wrote me and then he told me to stop texting him….but i havent done it for long time because I noticed I was getting more sad every time i tried to contact him.
    The other issue is that we work together, so I have to see him very often, but he absolutely hate me at the moment, with no apparent reason… And is really hard to see him around.
    At this point, I dont know if it is better to purchase the ex recovery system, or just find something to get over him….
    Thanks for your feedbacks… I really appreciate all the support and help i could get.

  226. stayfly 15 March 2012 at 5:25 pm Permalink

    I just recently split with my wife for 7 years but we have been together for 14 years. We have two young kids together but she cheated on me with a co worker like 18 months ago and its still going on until now. She knows i still have feelings for her despite everything she did but i decided to move on to make myself a better man, fix on her complaints and be more mature and responsible person. She is moving out this week and we have 50/50 custody with the kids. Now my question is, how do i make her fall inlove with me again and make her come back to me before its too late? Were always going to have communication because of our kids but i need her to contact me not because of our kids but because she still desires me and wants me back. Pls Help!!!

  227. Sandi 15 March 2012 at 5:43 pm Permalink

    I was in a 4 year relationship with my ex. Lived together for 2. He broke up with me saying I pushed him away but there were other issues that he claims to have deep wounds. Both have kids from other marriage. The day he broke up with me I found out he started texting and seeing this girl he knew for about a year or so but claims that nothing happened which I believe. It’s now been a month and a few days and during that time our breakup was pretty heated. words were not nice between us but now we are on talking terms and are being mature. He does know how much I love him still but he has said I should move on. But yet the topic of sex came up and he said he was intrigued. I haven’t tried the NC yet. Is it too late for me? I still beleive in my heart that there could be hope. I know he wouldn’t be able to trust himself if he was alone with me. Is she a rebound? Like I mentioned it was practically the next day but they new eachother through friends for about a year or so but nothing intimate that I know of as of yet.

    • Sandi 1 May 2012 at 5:20 pm Permalink

      Update… It’s been three months now and he is still with rebound and absolutely no contact with me whatsoever. I did text him today as it’s his daughters birthday coming up and I wanted him to know I would be leaving a card and gift for her. The other thing is we are always bumping into eachother at the supermarket no matter what times we go… we don’t even approach eachother or even say hi. This is hopeless and I come to believe the no contact doesn’t work…

      • Michelle 2 May 2012 at 9:48 am Permalink

        I am sorry to hear that NC is not working.
        Same here – he is still with the rebound and doesn’t even contact me. Not even on my birthday last week. I don’t think he will even come back to me should his current relationship fail. He will be too proud to contact me again.
        I hope things work out better for you. I am losing hope.

  228. Nathan 16 March 2012 at 11:38 am Permalink

    Hey Ashley, so me and my ex girl had been together for almost 3 years when I suddenly got bombarded with the news that she was interested in another guy. That she had been talking to him for three weeks already on the phone and that he made her laugh and was really funny. Our relationship had a rocky start and slowly began to get better and better but we always had arguments like in any relationship. I really want my ex back and i came upon this video and exactly what you are saying is what happened to me. At first i did everything to get her to stay with me from begging her telling er i would change, but she didnt change her mind, I went to her house to talk to her a few days later because we hadnt been able to have a calm conversation after what she had told me, she let me in after an hour of waiting outside her door i came in and i held her around my arms and began to tell her that i was sorry for everything i had done and that she didnt deserve to had gone through what she went through with me, and that I wanted her to be happy, we slept together that night but i kept getting mixed feelings from her like she wanted me there and then she didnt. She told me she had to give this other guy a chance and if things didnt work out that she would recognize that she deserved what would come from that. And all I told her was that if that was her decision then i would respect it, she said sorry to me i told her to give me a kiss on the cheek (she did and smiled) and i walked away to my car. I want to know if that was good what i did and if i still have a shot at getting her back? What do I do next? Should I still talk to her? She does not call or text me but I know her family and I went to drop something off to her brother the other day and she was nice to me. Help me please i need to know what to do next I really love this girl and I want her back.

  229. Stayfly 20 March 2012 at 6:49 am Permalink


    If my ex wife is seeing another person for 19 months now ( 18 months while we were together and 1 month now that we are separated), do you think there is still a chance to get her back? Are their relationship still called a “rebound”? Pls help!!!

  230. Cel 20 March 2012 at 2:40 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    My ex broke up with me when I was five months pregnant. He stated he simply could not argue with me anymore and felt that it would be best if he left the relationship even though I was carrying his child. He not only broke up with me but moved to another state thousands of miles away and re-enlisted into the military.

    I was devastated and sad beyond belief, but all the begging in the world could not change his mind. I even said I would do whatever he wanted me to do just to stay with me, but he said it was too late. Mind you, I never cheated or did anything completely out of line during our relationship – we just argued over things like not finding an apartment fast enough or something of that nature that could have been worked out.

    My pregnancy was in 2008, he was deployed in 2010 for a year and when he returned, he told me that he had a five month old son with a woman he had been seeing since he re-enlisted. He was living with this woman as well. I was so hurt that I could not breathe. The woman (and this story changes depending on when I ask him) was dealing with another man and then got pregnant for him, so until the child was born, he said he was not really sure it was his. He said he asked her to get an abortion, but he didn’t believe in it and she begged him to have the child, so he agreed. He stayed with that woman and built a life with her. They have cars, apartments and the Lord knows what else together. They named their child JR.

    I felt like he threw me away and quickly replaced me with a new family and entirely new life. He told me “we will never get back together” and “I just want us to be friends”. He comes to see his child with me during some holidays and birthday. When he is around, he will ask me out to dinner or lunch, buy me things and even sleep in the same bed as me and our child. He never has advanced sexually since our break-up, but sleeping in the same bed is definitely confusing to me. He said at one point that he was not with his other child mother, but they live in the same town and are around each other all the time which makes me think they are still together. He also alluded that they always agree and never argue about anything.

    I always tell him how I feel, but he insists that we get along better now and he would like to remain as friends. It is hard to “act” like I do not want to have anything to do with him when I do. He said he cannot believe I am holding on to our relationship that ended three years ago. It is so painful; I just do not know what to do.

    Was she his rebound?
    Do I have any hope at all with getting back with him?

    Please help me!!!

  231. boi 20 March 2012 at 6:53 pm Permalink

    hi i’m boi, 22 y/o and a civil engr, and my gf is 19y/o studying eng’g also…Me and my girlfriend broke up last feb 20, i can’t help myself cause i really love her, on that day i started the no contact rule, to see if she really loves me… after 3wks, our common friend chat me at FB, and told me that my ex have someone new, they started dating 1 wk after our break-up which also her classmate… it’s about 1mnth after our break up now, and she txted me to leave her alone, her friends, and family… what should i do to win her heart again… pls help me…. i love her so much…

  232. Nat 20 March 2012 at 11:26 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley,
    Love your advice only I dont know if i have a chance at all as we broke up years ago and he is now with a new girl he has been with for 2 years now.. when i first heard bout it from him he told me he loves her which was just after they got togeather in which that was after he was giveing me the impression he wanted to get back with me.. anyway few months later i heard from him to tell me off basically bout something he thought i had done and i turned on him and stopped contact by saying to never contact me again..which he hasnt.. only i really have always wanted him back.. but how am i meant to do this? is my situation hopless? his good with my parents infact they ran into him not long ago and he was happy to see them even though he was with his current gf! he didnt introduce her but.. He also mentioned to say hi to me.. I dont know if i have a chance at all but would like your oppinon on this and please i want the honest truth if its hopless tell me.. Hope to hear from you..

  233. Eddie 21 March 2012 at 5:49 am Permalink


    My ex and I broke up mutually in Sept. We had been together for two years. She is 25 and I am 47. She talked about getting married then suddenly after going out with her girlfriends ( bar hopping and clubbing ), she decided she wanted to date other guys. We had been in semi contact until about mid January when she started to send me pics of her and mentioned the possibility of meeting for a drink. I told her “no” and that I was seeing someone new. She was upset and in turn said that we should no longer communicate. A month later I wished her a happy Valentine’s day and she wished me one as well. I’ve been doing the no contact thing since Valentine’s day and have not heard from her since. I do miss her and still have feelings for her, but she decided that she wanted to date other guys so I let her go. Here’s my question…her birthday in this weekend. Should I wish her a happy birthday ?

  234. Orlando 29 March 2012 at 8:48 pm Permalink

    Well Ashley, I’m married for three years been together for a total of eight years we have a 3 year old daughter but now we are separated been separated for about 3 mouths I took it hard when she came home and dropped the separation bomb on me she left me for some one else this guy has no job has a girl friend with 4 kids what can he do for my wife I’m in love with my wife and won’t her back even if she is cheating on me she just moved out how do I get her back do I have a chance to save my marriage and my family 

  235. On a Mission! 30 March 2012 at 7:04 am Permalink

    You’re super wise about all this! I kinda confronted my ex girl ( long distance) the other night about her already saying I love you to another dude and regretted in so a couple days later after this vid I apologized for it. This a good choice? We’ve got summer break in a month and a half and will be able to talk again in person when we return from college. She will be away from this other guy for that time ( they aren’t formally boyfriend or girlfriend) and I was wondering how to win this girl who I’m crazy about?. At least to get her to give it a real shot. Distance and slightly differing views on some things led to the break up. I actually agree with her on many of those things now not all haha but some. I’m tired of distance and college being a reason for a breakup. Love is enough! It has to be! And some money to fly to see each other hah which I’m willing to spend to be with this girl. Any help will be appreciated

  236. KH 12 April 2012 at 10:31 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley,
    After having a virtually perfect relationship for over 2 years, my boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue about 2 1/2 months ago. I know what went wrong and tried to show him I wanted to fix my mistakes, but he was convinced I was just changing for him and he didn’t want me to do that. I recently found out he has been dating someone else now for about a month.
    This news hurt more than anything else, and was made even worse by my current struggles with college and other matters. I came very close to hurting myself and those around me, and he was made aware of the situation, which actually is probably what saved my life.
    I know he still cares about me, but I can’t stand the thought of him being with this new girl now, who he met at a new job over the summer, and he knew that I never trusted her in the first place. (when she met him she told him he was really cute and that she wished he didn’t have a girlfriend….)
    I want nothing more than to have him back in my life, we had so many plans for our future together. He was always faithful to me, I don’t doubt that for a second, but I just don’t understand how he could do this to me.
    How long do I have to carry the pain of his obvious rebound with her? I’m afraid of seeing it become something more. Any insight/advice would be greatly appreciated!

  237. Peter 20 April 2012 at 1:24 pm Permalink

    What if she got pregnant during the rebound, two weeks after we broke up?

    • Peter 1 May 2012 at 3:35 am Permalink

      It has been more than 1.5 months since she broke it off. I have been keeping very busy but I still can’t get her out of my head. I can’t help it. I know she doesn’t care for me anymore but I just can’t help myself…

  238. Ash 22 April 2012 at 11:42 pm Permalink

    My Ed and I were together for four years I came to find out recently he’s been seeing another girl behind my back he swore he wasn’t buy she said they were and about a month ago I caught then together so I ended things for a few days after that he begged for me back but I refused now he is seeing this girl and they are always together, in the video you talked about it being a rebound depending on how soon but because they have been talking for the last two years what does that mean it is does he really care about her and love her as much as he seems to and has said he does I’m confused. I know him and I are over and it sucks cause I do love him alot but he must truly care for her to have had this going on for so long. I just ant to understand better. I don’t call or contact him at all but he will occasionally a few times a week what do I do?

    • my situation is different 25 April 2012 at 12:33 am Permalink

      wow……. how scarey is this???!!! This is my EXACT situation. only I dont know how long this girl has been in the picture, but just when I thought he and I would get closer, he starts telling me that he and I are pretty much over! He would still call me and try to be with me BEHIND her back. Then later, he tells me they live together…. I cant help but think she is doing things for him that no other woman would be a fool to do! pay rent, bills, buy him stuff….. He claims he was too embarrassed to let me know his financial situation, because of what i might think about him and he told me its because it was me he really loved. And knowing men, real men, that very well could be true. I just had to move beyond this since I wasnt getting anything and I do mean not a thing, out of all that heart ache.. I hope you can let it go too. they say if he returns, he was really yours in the first place… by that time maybe you’ll want him and all his drama, or maybe you wont….

  239. LH 26 April 2012 at 6:43 pm Permalink

    My ex-bf dumped me almost 2 months ago, after a 4 year relationship. He moved away for school and after the breakup, he said he still loved me, and feelings didn’t change, he just couldn’t handle the distance.

    A week ago, I found he has had an online dating profile up for the last few weeks. I flipped out on him and asked him why is he doing this if he claimed to love me still after we broke up. He said “I think I’m over you”. I asked him “ok then, picture ME with another guy, that doesn’t bother you anymore?”. He said “I’m not going to answer that, it’s a stupid question!”.

    Oh so it’s ok for HIM to date so soon, but not me? Clearly the thought of me with another man bothers him. How can he get over 4 YEARS in a month? Does he really still have feelings for me? I think he’s just on dating sites to try to feel “attractive” again but I don’t know. I’d like some outside opinions.

  240. Derek 28 April 2012 at 5:23 am Permalink

    This might be a tad bit late . But me and gf have been dating for three years and we have broken up before. But she jut left me 2 weeks ago after she met a guy for the first time. Now I haven’t been giving her attention and it was due to my mother sickness and I never told her about it( it was very stressful for me) and I told her when it was to late. A week after she wanted a break she started dating this guy . Could this be a rebound or a real thing? Her and I were perfect. We did everything together.

  241. rhonda 1 May 2012 at 6:07 pm Permalink


    My ex boyfriend and I call mutually called off the relationship in March this year. I was with him over the Christmas period. After I came back to another state he text me, saying its over between us and we are not meant for each other. I asked him what was the reason but he simply said he had enough of me. Its been two months now and still he still send me text about the money he borrowed from me. I have no contact with him and am trying to forget about him. I don’t know weather he is seeing someone else. What should I do?

  242. Kristian 4 May 2012 at 4:16 pm Permalink

    My girl friend of three years has started talking to someone else she broke up with me becouse she said all the emotions of me lieing to her and not showing her how much I loved her boiled up In side of her and she decide to just end it what should I due and how can I contacted her with out looking so hopeless and begging.

  243. Mya G. 17 May 2012 at 9:21 am Permalink

    Hi Ashely Kay,
    well my ex broke up with me a few weeks ago. befor the break up he was distant and every response was idk. He decided even thogh he didnt believe inthem that during the summer we can go on a break, maybe it will help us respark. but i contacted him wen he left for summer first, and he hated we i talke aboutthe relationship..while on twitter i found out that he had been talking to his ex and ha been hanging out with her and she was refering to him as babe on her twitter. wen confroted about it he told me it was nothing and hasnt decided if he wanted to get back with her yet. and the break he decided it wasnt working but he still love me but not sure he in love withme anymore. At this point he texts me every couple of days to check on me, cuz he said he would, i know he cares. but i know he is seeing/dating her. but besdies what my family and friends say i want him back.. can i get him back?? P.s im in miami and he is home in daytona beach for the summer but goes to college here in miami. please help me

  244. kristie 24 May 2012 at 7:21 am Permalink

    my ex is seeing his ex gf and i want him back… can i? should i send him the letter?

  245. Aria 3 June 2012 at 7:17 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashely Kay,
    Its weird that i am writing up after so long…i broke up last year with my boyfriend…it was on 28th Jan 2011. we were together for 1 and a half years and i always felt so strongly for him…he left me without any obvious reason and just mentioned that he was in love with someone else, which soon i figured out wasnt true!!
    I made a mistake…that is i begged him to return back…and i did this for three months…he refused every time…later him best friend asked me out…and i agreed coz i just felt that i too wanted to move on like him…i was with him for one month when my ex boyfriend came back and confessed that he loved me and badly wanted me back…i left this new guy i was dating and went back to my ex coz i knew that i cant live without him…but he just left me within 3 weeks…
    This all happened till june 2011….and since then i left facebook…i no more carry a cell…and i am in no contact with my ex…but everyday i wish he returns back…i still pretend that nothing has happened so that i feel normal…and i talk about him almost everyday with everyone i come across…

    What should i do to get him back….i cant live without him…

  246. Jeremy 7 July 2012 at 1:38 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley, I was just wanting some advice. Me & my ex were in a really good relationship but I moved away to another state bc of work back in December. She said she was going to moved here with me when she saved up the money. During our relationship we never fought or anythhing & we were both very happy. She even said she wanted to marry me. But one night back in January she dropped her phone in the sink & she said her screen was messing up so if she did’nt reply that she was’nt ignoring me it was bc her phone was messing up & she said she loved me then I guess her phone went out. I had no way of contacting her. So in June I found out her email address so I sent her a message & 3 weeks later she replied back “hi jeremy! good to hear from u.” I let her know how I felt & that I still loved her. But when I 1st messaged her I sent my phone number & she has’nt contacted me by phone yet & that was 10 days ago. Does this mean she still loves me or is even interested in me. Or has she found someone else? What should I do?

  247. Earl 12 August 2012 at 9:39 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley, great job with the videos. You don’t know how much you have helped me. You should make your material free and get either adverts or donations. Cause your help will be rewarded voluntarily.

  248. Easy 31 August 2012 at 11:15 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley,
    your description of a rebound relationship and what my ex is doing are the same things. She loved me a lot and ended the relationship with “I don’t know if I want to see you again” – “It was a nice time. I will always cherish the love we had.” I was angry and wanted to repair what went wrong and decided to let it go and agreed with the break-up and stop calling her for a month. It worked, she was drunk dialing and when I called her she was happy to hear my voice. Now the thing is I have done the no contact rule to professional so that she started moving in with a guy and he is the opposite of me. When I called her she said she shows competitive nature and actually applied all the stuff we planned in her now relationship. She even changed the status of her relationship to the date before we broke up. Normally I would forget about her and get a new women that I really love and who respects me. But your rebound relationship as a sign that they want you back or have feelings for you made me think that she doesn’t even know where she is heading. If she does all that for me can I let her go and end up unhappy…?
    I really don’t know how to behave as I am too proud to make any attempts while she is in a relationship. I had never had a girl who went to a rebound ever….

  249. Eva 15 September 2012 at 12:24 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley. Firstly, thank you for all the videos and advice, they’ve done a lot to help me stop panicking and think rationally about my ex!
    My ex broke up with me last weekend, so not long ago. I’ve been ok about it so far, mainly because I knew it was coming and that there was no way to change his mind (he broke up with me previously, but we got back together too quickly and I knew he wouldn’t want to go back on his decision so soon again!). Since then, I haven’t contacted him at all which was going ok until today, when I saw on Facebook that he is trying to get into a relationship with another person. This person was a factor in our break up, but I wasn’t expecting him to make a move so soon. Now I’m panicking about whether or not to contact him, though I’ve managed to avoid it so far.
    I’m worried about this because they have been good friends for a couple of years, so it’s not like she’s some random girl he’s met and hooked up with. He has had feelings for her for a while, although it seems that she isn’t too willing to rush into things or have a long distance relationship (which is what it would be between them), and she’s too busy at the moment anyway. However he’s still trying and I’ve been told by a mutual friend that he’s said he is going to keep trying anyway & is trying to get her to agree to have him visit one weekend soon. I can’t deal with the thought of him wanting to be with someone else, and I’m doubting whether or not this is just a rebound or if it’s the real deal although I have been calmed down a bit by you saying that he’ll be wanting to have a relationship on the same level as he had with me: he can’t have a proper physical relationship due to the distance, and of course she won’t be ready to jump into a full on relationship immediately either.

    What I really want to do is remind him of what we had and make him see how good we were for eachother, and I don’t want to ruin my chances of getting back with him. But I’m so worried that he will be moving on already! Should I stick to the no contact or is it ok to send him a very short message to “remind” him that I still exist? I already sent the Seed Letter you mentioned, thinking it might prompt him to rethink and be the one to contact me but he hasn’t replied yet and I’m worried that he never will. I’d appreciate any advice of what to do, I really don’t want to blow my chances because since this is a second break up I think if I mess it up now that my chance will be gone for good and I can’t bear the thought of losing him.

  250. nancy 31 October 2012 at 2:38 pm Permalink

    We date for ten years, we loved each other,and we hal lots patience. he slowly started going and drinking a lot after 8 years. I aksed him to take it slow in drinking , he would listen for while and start going out drinking again for two years we had this problem and eventually i couldn’t take it and i broke up with. I didn’t think of any other good things we have i jumped on a conlcusion and i ended the relation. Now after a month i realize i made a mistake by giving up on us. I want us to work it out again but he just started seeing someone esle. In facebook his status is in relatioship with this other girl . Do you think we have chance to get back together?

  251. sandi 25 November 2012 at 5:32 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley:

    Basically here is my story..hopefull I won’t stretch it out to long…My ex and I were together 6 1/2 yrs..2 yrs ago my 14yr old granddaughter was having problems living at home with her mom and stepdad so my ex said she could come live with us…We never discussed it as everything happened so fast. She is not your typical teenager as she has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, ADHD and ODD(oppositional defiant disorder) we did not know this at the time she came to live with us as my daughter never advised me as we are estranged..Anyway, over the last 2 years my ex and I have had our hands full with my granddaughter having problems in school, running away and getting involved with the wrong kids..Then one day he advised that he couldn’t “do this anymore” and asked us to move…He said she was not his child and he already raised his family and this was his time…It was my time too and I had already raised my daughter but WE had taken on this “challenge” and now I was being abandoned.

    My grand daughter and I moved out and less than 1month later he was already with someone else. I can honestly say I was a texting and email terrorist becuz I felt he was just as responsible as I was but becuz we were not married it all falls in my lap…He says he feels guilty and was very helpful in my move…He was coming over and helping me with my computers and cable and such…We were still going out to dinner and he was still treating me like he had been before we moved, hugging and kissing and holding hands. We were just not sleeping together any longer. He was now spending the majoriity of his free with this new woman..He had started sleeping with her just 2 weeks after meeting her… he was still calling me and texting me and sending me emails from work during the day…I finally decided to go no contact and he bcause he was not getting any response, he stopped. After 2 wks of no contact, he came by too bring some of my stuff…One of my friends had told him that I had taken some time for myself and didn’t want any contact so now he just talked to me like someone he was aquainted with ….Because I took 2 weeks he now had that time to make a closer bond with this woman..if I continue with the no contact he will get even closer…I know my ex well enough that I am sure he is not going to let this relationship with this other woman go. I’m sure he doesn’t think its a rebound even though I know it is. How am I going to get him back? the more no contact the further away he seems to get…How long should this no contact be? and when I do contact him should it be in person?

  252. tony 10 August 2013 at 5:31 pm Permalink

    My wife of 31years I love you but not in love, moved out found a lot of texts between her and her other , moved out to our daughters 1 month, she happened to get on highway in front of me one morning ,followed her watched her meet boy friend caught them in a sex affair ,big blowup now she moved in with him, have order of protection on me so no contact allowed , still love her ?? don’t know what to do now ,listen to your video makes me wonder hoping she night be just having a mid-life-menopause problem I 62 she is 52 been together since she was 17 think she thinks of me, misses me . thanks for letting me unload

    • Ashley Kay 24 August 2013 at 2:07 am Permalink

      okay that can be the case but can you move pass the fact that you caught your wife?

  253. Trinee h 9 September 2013 at 9:57 am Permalink

    Well my name is trinee’, and i really really need your help with
    understanding my situation PLEASE…im so stressed i even started loosing
    weight over this.

    Me and my childs father were together for four years…weve been broken up
    for a while ..a little over a year. After we broke up i started being
    spiteful i was hurt and angry so i started meeting other guys and etc. he
    would always question me about it but of course i would never be
    truthful…sometimes when we would argue i’d say things to hurt him to make
    him feel how i feel, which i know is wrong but at the time i was angry…i
    would say things pertaining to other men and i would throw things in his
    face. He’s already insecure so me doing that didnt help. Long story short
    even though we are not together..i still had hopes that we would one day in
    the future get back together cause thats what i want..so i stopped talking
    to other ppl…but out of anger would still continue to throw things in his
    face…in return i recently found out he was talking to someone as well…i
    popped up at his house(which i shouldn’t have) and he had a woman over
    there. I was SO hurt cause here he is accusing me when hes doing the
    same…even though were not together he LIED to me and told me he wasnt
    talking to anyone at all. When i caught him in his lie he confessed that he
    had only been talking to that woman for 2months and yes they had been having
    sex. He was very sorry and felt really bad about hurting me…he claimed it
    wasnt serious but i dont know…The day after getting caught in a lie he
    STILL continued to worry bout me and other guys..he STILL was questioning me
    about if i were goin to move on as if he didnt just get caught messing with
    someone else..i didnt get it..if he found someone else..why does it still
    marter to him what i do?? i guess my question to you is..now that i know he
    lied to me about talking to someone. Should i walk away from this and never
    look back because he lied to me even though we are not together? Or is this
    just a fling to him and this woman means nothing to him and i should still
    work on changing so that maybe one day we can still be together later on in
    life? Is this woman important to him..or is she just someone to get his mind
    off me cause ive hurt him as well? For some reason my heart tells me that he
    still is in love with me…but because hes messing with this girl i dont
    know what to do now…should i try and win him back? Help me!

  254. Magen 20 September 2013 at 1:20 am Permalink

    Magen 27 November 2011 at 4:40 pm recap:

    My ex fiance and I were together for 2 year and have been separated for about 5 months now. About a month and a half ago I realized I wanted him back desperately, and realized he is my true love and stared all the panic and wrong behavior. I guess he started seeing this new girl as a “friend” about month 3 1/2 he says he told me recently he wants to start dating again, I know he is trying to be easy on me because he cares for me and doesn’t want me to be hurt but he wants to see this other girl. I’m really confused. I know he is still hurt and maybe a little bitter about some things that happened toward the end of our relationship. We really did fit perfectly together, I love this man so much he has been so wonderful to me but I ended up hurting him. He is quite an emotional man and now he is acting like he has no emotions about us. I’m so confused. All I want is to be back in his arms. Somebody please help me.

    Magen 20 September 2013 at 1:17 am

    Hey again.
    I feel crazy even writing on here but i have an odd situation. My ex and I have been apart nearly two years now. We have cordial conversations every few months sometimes they are short and bitter but hers the deal. I moved from the US to QLD 6 months ago while my ex was finishing his masters in geo-science. My family still talks to him regularly and his photos are up in my parents house still as he is “a part of the family”. He recently told my mother he’s got job offer at a mine here and intends to move here. I (personally haven’t talked to him in 4 months) but I sent him a post card with the gift my family sent him for his birthday. I called to see if he received it. neither of us have actually been with anyone else (he does say hes interested in someone tho) yet he still insists its over, he even tod me he sold by ring for pennies!! It’s been 2 years what is all this!! And I stil love this man with all my heart. I haven’t told him anything like that in over a year but I miss him and I’ confused. It feels like some kind of mind game, but he knows me better than anyone and we were each others firsts loves and pretty much onlys… Ashley what do you think?? I’m at a loss.

  255. Brett 22 November 2013 at 7:36 pm Permalink

    Hi there,

    Myself and my ex have recently split up after 3yrs. We were once engaged and were supposed to be getting married in Feb and have a1yr old child together. I initially called off the wedding to to the fact that we were constantly fighting and because of the way she spoke to me, not saying im perfect. Then i realised i maybe should of done things differently and asked if we could try again which we did but again i left because of the way things went. By this point alot of damage had been done but i really wanted this to work and love her with all my heart. We gave it ANOTHER try. this time i tried to put my all in but noticed she was very half hearted about things this time and said she just wasnt sure about us anymore although she still loves me. We carried on but noticed she was now messaging other guys and vice versa and even met with a couple i think. I then agreed that this wasnt working but asked her to give us one more proper go which she declined saying that she is not sure i wont walk out again and not sure we would even have fun anymore and wants someone that can support her and look after her. Later that day i agreed to watch my sone while she went out as i love seeing him. She then got dressed up while i was there and went on a date with her ex which nearly killed me. She has also said she wants me to see other people but dosnt want to know about it and she dosnt message or call anymore. After that date i decided to walk and not have contact with her except when it comes to seeing my son. This has only been two days now and im a mess.
    All i want is my family back :(

  256. ongmo 16 September 2014 at 9:54 am Permalink

    hi..mi boyfriend has broke up wit me recently ..as he already got someone from his place.i loved him so much and still loves him lot bt he told me that he will never come back to me.The more i begged him ,the more he showed anger to me. pls help me…is there any chance for me to get him back.He told me that he has been in love with that gal quite long time back and also told me that now he is planning to marry her soon. he also told me that he cannot live without her…..so in this case what should i do…pls help me

  257. jo 30 April 2015 at 6:07 am Permalink

    ma ex just left a year ago and i still like her i try to get over but can’t. she’s seeing someone who she doesn’t really know in real life she know him on facebook n act like she loves him. what should i do?

  258. April 16 July 2015 at 2:35 pm Permalink

    My ex and I have been dating for 6 1/2 years. We broke up about 3 weeks ago. Our breakup was mutual and we love each other. We broke up because we needed time to work on ourselves. I had gained a considerable amount of weight over the years and have not been as motivated I should have been career wise. I take responsibility for my mistakes and since the break have been working extremely hard to be better for myself. We recently had sex and talked about everything. I get mixed signals from him on whether or not we will be able to get back together again. He tells me that’s the goal but that he wants to see a change(motivation wise on my part) and that it will take time. My mind wonders constantly- if we are apart for so long will he not love me any longer-what if he starts seeing this person and doesn’t want to try to be with me- etc… I really don’t want to lose the man I love when I know that we can work together to be together. I recently found out that he may be seeing someone else(sex wise) or trying to. I’m just so heart broken that someone who’s says they love me can do this. He tells me that he’s not but I have seen text messages that are incriminating which we discussed and he denies. I know we are single but it hurts all the same. Im not going to call him or see him for a period of time, maybe 1-2 months, which is going to be extremely hard. I would really like a guys perspective on the matter. Any outside perspective would be great. I will be willing to give more details of asked.

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