Comments on: Is Your Ex Leading You On?

By: steven

steven — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 01:20:10 +0000

HI! Never posted on a forum but turn to the net for advice on regular basis. Fantastic people can share their experiences and help strangers.

I am 32 years of age and met the woman of my dreams(33). Everything was perfect, she met my family very early, I met hers and we both get along well with them. Our interests are so similar, I have never met anyone who enjoys the same things I do. She even plays golf and plays well. Having said that there are enough differences to make things interesting.

She was single for about 5 years before we met. It really was a love at first sight relationship. I was the one who attempted to move slow but she told me that she had finally met the one, that she has never felt like this about anyone, not even her ex of five years and that she loves me. Everything was fantastic (on both sides) then out of nowhere we had our first argument. It was a misunderstanding on her part but she ran with it (silly matter about me wanting to be around her all the time).

See we work different hours, so would see each other maybe once midweek and Saturday and Sunday. Then she had leave from work and I had some time off so we spent most days together. I was always honest but I was doing things I thought she wanted me to do and because she did not communicate she ended up feeling smothered. She was use to having her leave to herself, she plans what she is going to do around house etc etc. but because this time I was there all the time, i think she freaked out and pulled the trigger.

The thing is I was making an effort to see her all the time because that is what I thought she wanted, i was off work and i thought she wanted us to make the most of the time we had before we both went back to work.

When she broke up, she said something like her personality is stronger and that i am too mentally fragile for her strong personality. SO NOT true, I was so strong, i comforted her while she sobbed and broke it off with me. I was telling her that it will all be ok and not too worry. I could see in her eyes that she didn’t want to do it but she is stubborn, had a feeling, had come to my place to do it, so was sticking with it. she kept hugging me and kissing me and left in tears. I remained calm and decided to have no contact, to give her space and see what happens.

The thing is she has messaged me everyday, including the day she left my place. I kept it light and at no point begged her to come back or told her I was hurting etc. there was even some flirting in messages etc. and she would contact to see how I am, how I went at golf, let me know something she has done etc etc. All this led me to believe that she just needed break to see what she had.

Two days ago she invited me to her house (first physical contact in two weeks), had present from xmas she hadn’t given yet and said come for drink and watch some tv etc.

It was on this night that she confirmed her decision to not be together and didn’t want to give me any hope that we ever would be. I told her to not message me for a while, so she can have some time to herself. she messaged later that night and then the next day, saying sorry i know i am not suppose to etc but confirmed seeing single status on facebook really did hurt ( i changed when I left her place). she then said i hope you cracked it at golf.

I am so confused, I want to be with her, I believe deep down she does with me and I cant enforce no contact because she contacts me and I do not want to ignore.

By: Annemarie

Annemarie — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 02:28:31 +0000

Leave it alone for now. You should wait until you go home, if it is meant to be. It will be. Also if you both are cheating on your current relationships then you really shouldn’t be in them. In my experience people who are looking around with past or present flirtations are doing this because the current partner’s are not the one. Don’t force these things. Still if you have both waited this long. It must be meant to be. Don’t give up on your dreams (work wise) as if it doesn’t work out. What a waste of time it will be.

N.B if you read this and think, I cannot wait until later in the future to pursue it. Do what you need to, to get home. It is meant to be.

By: DAISY

DAISY — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 17:51:56 +0000

I love him alot of years but I don’t know he can feel or not now he don’t have already

By: rick

rick — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 03:20:58 +0000

My situation is rather complicated, and would really appreciate some help.

This started 10 years ago, she wasn’t my ex, we had strong feelings for each other and we were very close together, but for some reason we didn’t end up together. After that, we moved on with our lives. I studied abroad and continue pursuing my career abroad.

We kept in contact every now and then throughout these years, and during my recent trip back, we meet up and things got a little physical between us. We are both attached atm, and she had been going through some tough times for the past few years. We both are experiencing some unhappiness in our own relationship, and we wish we could be together somehow. Although I have plans to move back home in the near future, but I simply cannot afford to do so immediately as my career is taking off. To have her moving over is also impossible due to residency requirements and job prospect.

I’m really confused now as to what I should do. Please share your thoughts.

By: Nik

Nik — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 17:22:36 +0000

I LOVE your book. Thank you I already feel tons better. You have a gift for writing and I enjoy the way it’s organized. Thank God, moving on with my day with confidence!

By: Patty

Patty — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 16:19:25 +0000

My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. The first 2 weeks were hard and I had hopes that we could patch things up and get back together. Last week friday I finally decided to let go completely: as if sensing that I had done so, he starts calling several times and telling me how much he misses and loves me but that the constant fighting between us is what drove him away. He keeps making me feel like I am just a very difficult person and enjoyed fighting with him. He contributed to the fights but won’t take responsibility for that. He always tells me that if he found out that I slept with another man, he would be very hurt…I don’t get it? He broke up with me and why should he care who I sleep with? I feel like getting a job in another country because I still love him but I don’t enjoy these games he’s playing. Surely people break up and communicate but when is it REALLY over? I don’t want to spend like 2 years, even months going around in circles. Why do men do this?

By: Depressed

Depressed — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 04:58:41 +0000

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. We recently broke up last week over some stupid fight. I was too upset to talk to him so I waited about 3 days later to try and contact him because it was his birthday. It has been a week now and I’m missing him like crazy! I still love him so much! He has blocked my number so he does not receive calls or texts from me. He has also block me on every online messaging system. I want him back really bad but I don’t know what to do… Recently, he has been talking to me more lately. I told him I wanted to see him to talk, but he can’t because his mom is always home (His parents don’t like me because of some accident & my parents don’t like him in general and both side hates eachother) so I couldn’t go over to his place and his mom won’t let him out anyways. He said he doesn’t like me anymore or that he hates me or not ready to date. Just really hurtful stuff when he calls me. Sometimes he would still call me ‘babe’. Lately, he’s become nicer. He knows I love dark chocolate and said he bought some especially for me. He also said he’s going to find a way to see me and when I say that I miss him, he says he misses me too. Then last nights phone call, he starts saying how I was a disappointment because I didn’t say happy birthday to him, exactly on that day. Then he said I have changed alot and I’m dishonest and he can’t trust me anymore. Then he said I don’t make him happy and someone else will. That made me cry. Then we argued over texts because I said I didn’t want to let him go. He said he wasn’t going to talk to me for a while until after our supposedly anniversary. Then he blocked me again. Then tonight, it was thundering and he called me to check up on me to see if I was okay (I’m scared of thunder and lightning) then he asked me about my day and told me about his. Then he asked me if I wanted him to call me later on tonight. I’m so confused. Does he like me? And what can I do to save this relationship?

& also, last week i got some of my friends messaging him to talk to me or I just tell them to pass on a message for me because I had no way to contact him.

By: Jen

Jen — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 06:30:56 +0000

Ive been dating this guy for 4 years. We have a daughter together and have lived together for 3 years now. Well a month ago I broke up with him because I found out he was talking to other girls online. I feel he never physically cheated but I know he was emotionally cheating. Well, he wants to work things out and try to get back to where we were. We dont live together anymore and he calls me daily or throws me a text. He tells me daily he loves me. But he gave me a poor excuse to why he talked to other girls(he was mad at me) but it was not once it was going on for a month. I saw the emails. His mother passed away over a month ago and thats when he really started to act strange and distant. I figured it was because all he was going through. I was there for him when he needed me but then when he got distant I felt I needed to give him space so I did. He said he felt I wasnt there for him. Well why didnt he just talk to me instead of talk to others? I feel this is another bad excuse, because he was talking to others before she passed.
So I thought okay we will work it out because I love him and care for him and thought we were going to be a family. But he hasnt shown me anything to regain the trust, nor show me that he wants to be with me. All he does is want to be with me 1 day a week it seems and tells me he loves me. Not that he misses me, or he wants to work things out because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He talks no future goals if we work it out.
So I told him I started looking at single websites and signed up because it helps keep my mind off of him. He didnt seem to really care. When I talk abotu dating he tells me if thats what I want to do then do me.
I feel like he is stringing me along, and I have no clue why. He sees his daughter 3-4 days a week. I try to avoid his texts and calls but I cave in and text back. I have been lacking in telling him back I love him. I just say, okay ttyl.
When i try to talk about us getting back together and start working on our relationship he says he wants to get a job first(he has been unemployed for a few months now) then we will work on us. I dont give him money, but I did when we were together. I told him not to ask me for money, and he hasnt but still calls and texts me and wants to spend time with me and our daughter.
I wrote the good and bad list and have more bad then good. And I feel deep down i should walk away, but my love gets caught up. I wish he would just tell me, I am sorry I hurt you but I dont think we are working out. I will be like, cool. And be done with it. but no, he says if I dont want to try to work it out I wouldnt be spending time with you.
He sucks at communication, always have. He isnt good with his feelings. He brought up marriage twice this year so for all of this was a slap int he face.
I dont trust him being single either. He tells me he isnt talking or seeing anyone. But if I cant trust you while dating you, why would I while you are single? Show me I can returst you again???

By: Shay

Shay — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 09:57:49 +0000

I dated my ex 12 years ago after I got pregnant and had an abortion. I saw him about seven months ago cause he asked my brother for my number even though he is engaged! I had sex with him after trying to be a friend and he told me he looked for me for a long time and he put off getting married about 4 times! I told him I cannot do it any more ause it is not right and I want a man that is single and for me only! His family said that he is not happy and want out of engagement and wants me but I am trying to move on! I need help!!!!

By: Jane

Jane — Sun, 24 Oct 2010 18:04:07 +0000

My situation is a little different from the others posted. While I was in a long term and long distance relationship, I met someone else. I was very excited about this new person (i.e. could see him being “the one”, something I’ve never felt or thought of before), but did not know if it was a wise decision to end something serious with a great guy for someone I barely knew. I became involved with this new person, and over time our feelings developed, and he spoke of becoming serious and joked about the possibility of marriage in the future, but also said that we could not become serious if I were in a relationship. During this time, I had spoken to my partner about our relationship and we had distanced ourselves in many ways, but we did not completely end things, and I did not tell him that I had feelings for someone else.

I continued putting off making a decision in part because this new person seemed to run hot and cold with me, and I wanted some kind of assurance from him that he could see something serious developing with me before I took the step of ending something completely with a person who I share so much with. But, the truth was that I didn’t feel the same kind of spark anymore with my partner, and I should have ended things, but did not.

At one point, this new person told me that he could continue to see me, but that he wants a serious relationship at some point and when he meets someone he wants to date, he will have to move on from me. After hearing about how serious my partner’s feelings are for me and how close we are, he told me to stay with him. He said that if I were single we could see each other but it would have to be casual for a while, as he has always thought of me as being unavailable. The next day, he told me he had to step away from the situation all together, but that we would still be great friends, etc.

I decided that I had to do the right thing and end things with my partner, and that this would be the risk I would have to take to see if something could develop with this new person. I did so, and told the new person about it. We were in contact less for the first couple of weeks, then he began to call me more often (pretty much daily), and still is flirtatious with me. He spoke of us becoming physical but said it was too soon for that, he needed time to not feel like “the other guy”.

It has now been over a month, and my concern is that he may not want a relationship with me. Part of me thinks that it’s a good thing that he wants to hold off on anything physical, that maybe he does want a fresh start. But part of me worries that he wants to enact his original suggestion of being involved with me until he finds someone else, or that he does not want to be physical because he doesn’t want to have strong feelings for me, and he wants to distance himself first. (He has still been affectionate, but he does not want anything serious at this point)

Another concern is that I tend to only see him at his suggestion, and at times when he wants help with something or another. I have tried to back off and I basically let him contact me, but I’m not sure of what my best move is at this point. I know it’s not a typical break up because I was in a relationship, and it sounds as though that was the reason for him to back off. However, I don’t want to keep my hopes up if this person is just trying to work this into a friends with benefits situation. Part of me understands why he would want some space and thinks it may be a positive thing, but another part of me thinks that if he really wants to be with me, he should want things to progress a bit more than they currently are. I may have taken too long to do the right thing, but ultimately, I did so, and I hope that will count for something.

The perspective of someone outside of this situation would be appreciated–thank you!