So you’ve been through the terribly pain of the break up, now you expect everything to be different, but somehow your Ex is STILL acting like you’re in a relationship together.. but the catch is.. you’re NOT!
This is where you’re going to say to yourself.. “What the hell is going on here?!?!”
Amazingly, this is incredibly COMMON, but the bad news is, it can also go on and on for a long time after the break up and NOTHING could happen. It’s you being strung along, as a half friend half love interest.. sort of thing!
Is your ex just stringing you along?
Is your ex leading you on for their own amusement?
Sure-Fire Signs to Look Out For If You’re Worried Your Ex Might Be Leading You On:
- Your ex continues to contact you and want you to do things for them even though they’re in a new relationship.
This is common especially when they know you have deep feelings for them and you don’t want to let go of the relationship. Your Ex could be taking advantage of the situation and merely enjoy the attention they’re getting.
- Your Ex continues to tell you they love you and even want to be physical with you, but when asked for commitment, they back away cold.
This can be very confusing and hurtful. Your ex is enjoying the fact that they can have you whenever they want without the responsibilities of a full relationship. They are hanging onto you until something better comes along. Don’t allow this to continue.
- When you always go out of your way to help your ex but when tables are turned, they leave you fending for yourself.
If all they do is come up with excuses when you need their help, it’s time to rethink what you’re doing. This is a one-sided relationship, what are YOU getting out of it?
When Your Ex is Genuinely Confused About Their Feelings For You
In some instances your ex might really be confused about what they want. Sometimes people hate to admit they were wrong in the first place. Your ex might have feelings for you, they might even think they’ve made a mistake, but they’re uncertain how to tell you. It’s best to get your feelings out in the open and confront your ex. If they’re not just stringing you along, they will honestly not want to hurt you anymore.
Sometimes it’s very common for an Ex to be “on the fence” so to speak and not WANT to make a decision. When this happens, they’ll do what “feels good” in the moment. That might mean, they’ll call you missing you one minute, and then complain about you being coming on strong when they’ve explain how they “just want to be friends”.
It’s NOT a good idea to go around accusing them of the game they’re playing. Sometimes, they’re just not even aware of it, and it’s only a sign of the confused state THEY are in because of the break up.
Want to know how you can make your ex come back to you?And actually WANT to be with you again?
Having a plan to get your ex back is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing because you could easily be lead off track… or into the dreaded “friendzone” for life.
Thankfully, there IS a solution…
Don’t wait to reunite, you may lose them forever, click here for the fastest method to win your ex back.
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Jay, ok your probably not going to like what I’m going to say, but it is the truth! Let’s take a look at her words she has said to you. The reasons she gave you are the facts right. I can guarantee you that this has been in the works for awhile. The I love you is BS. Think about it if she did why would she turn you away. My ex did the same exact thing looked into my eyes and said the I love you. This is typically what happens she looses interest in you or spark, and finds a spark with someone else, then breaks it off with you when she knows she has someone waiting in the wings for her.
When she said the spark died, she is telling you it is over. So what are you to do? take time for yourself, hang out with friends get your mind off of her. The best thing I did was make a list of all the headaches she put me through, the arguments and kept it with me and whenever I was getting down about her I would look at the list as a reminder. It helped me out big time. I was really in love with this girl, so I needed something to put me in a frame of mind that there are a lot better out there. If I were you I would not have any contact with her. The reason is you will continue to get your emotions out of whack.
Best thing to do is move on get out with friends, meet other girls. Dude it is a painful thing to go through. I can tell you the one think I have come to realize is when the interest is gone, it is over and there is nothing you can do about it. You can’t make her have feelings for you. Now she might see that your out and it doesn’t bother you that you two broke up and might make it a challenge for her to get you back. That is pretty slim though.
The books on here will tell you the same thing I just told you. I bought a couple of them, and they are good. Just stay away from false hope. That will tear you up more than anything.
Hey this is exactly the place I’ve been looking for.
My man broke it off with me 2 weeks ago stating that he still has feelings for his ex (they broke up a yr ago, he said he was gonna marry her and he’s not over it).
So I was really cool and understanding about it, spoke to him about his feelings but made it clear that I wasn’t prepared to be his second best. He said he needed a permanent break and I agreed.
Immediately after dumping me, however, he texted me for hours until i had to ring him and we spoke for hours until 2am – we were talking as if nothing had changed between us, in fact we were getting on evenn better than we had done before! I started no contact, but the exact same thing happened the next day. He was going on holiday and contacted me all through the night, texting even when i was asleep, until he got on the plane. When he finally got to his destination ON THE ABSOLUTE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD i started no contact again thinking it would be a chance for us both to have some space apart, but he KEPT ON TEXTING ME/FACEBOOKING ME – I continued no contact but EVEN AFTER 6 DAYS OF NO CONTACT NO RESPONSE FROM ME HE STILL CONTACTED ME with just silly messages about his day, how am i etc!
Finally, after a whole 6 days, I felt really rude and was obviously desperate to contact him back, so I text him a cheerful friendly text. I heard from him again the next day when he heard a song which reminds him of me which sparked a few hours of text conversation. We’ve had a few bits of contact since, despite the fact that he is still in another continent too but the relationship hasn’t come up at all, its just funny banter.
i don’t know what he wants from me. In his contact he’s being really cute and flirty and funny, telling me the ins and outs of his day, trying to impress me with the stuff he doing, losing weight etc, asking me about my day, making up cute names for me, including loads of in jokes in the messages, saying night night etc. i guess he still likes me? I would like to get back with him but don’t want him to string me along.
If I were brave, I would ask him outright why he is still contacting me and flirting and almost acting as if we haven’t broken up, but am too scared of him rejecting me because he is still confused or thinks he’s still in love with his ex.
Right now, I am trying to go back to no contact, even if he texts me I will not respond as I have decided that texting seems to jsut be too easy for him and is possibly meaningless. If he really wants me back he needs to SHOW ME, not just send me cute texts.
Am i doing the right thing? What do you think he wants from me? Why dump me then keep up regular close contact with me? It jsut doesn’t seem normal!
Mystique, the thing to remember, he is doing all these things because first of all.. he feels GUILTY for doing what he did. So he thinks by keeping in contact, just being friendly, it doesn’t make him look as bad. You do need to maintain contact because if he broke up with you for his ex, he is really doing you a favour. You don’t want a guy who wants someone else! If you remain in contact, it prevents you from moving on but it does make him feel better. Which would you prefer? My advice, stick with no contact, tell him straight up, you find it too hard to consistently get messages from him knowing that he doesn’t want you! So unless he’s willing to come back, you’re not going to talk to him anymore.
Mystique, I agree with Ashley no contact is no contact. No matter how difficult it is. From what you said, if your ex wants to get back with his ex then why doesn’t he. I would say be careful about text messages, because you can say whatever you want in a text that has no meaning. It sounds like to me he maybe keeping you hangin till his ex is a sure thing. You have to remember in a relationship you either want to be with that person or you don’t. Take control of the relationship or whatever is left. Make him come to you on your terms. Mean while you move on and try to get out with friends stay busy, and when he calls you, you tell him you don’t have a lot of time to talk right now your busy and you get off the phone. Don’t answer he texts, if he is a man he will at least talk to you on the phone and not hide behind text messages. The bottom line is if you want him then make him come to you by showing him that you do not revolve around him and you can live with or without him. Hope this helps
hey,
i just dont understand how the spark died
the questions have all gone unanswered
she said there was no other guy, maybe thats a cover
but her friends say she aviods this topic as they like me
and my feelings just switch on and off atm
i want her back but there is too much hurt to be friends, i have deleted her number and ignore her online
but we work together and have a party coming up this friday
x
thanks guys, that is pretty much what i was thinking, bit of a messed up guy. he contacted me again today, commenting on my facebook status and stuff like that, its sad really. but you’re right, if he wants me back for good without wanting to go back to his ex, fine, he should ring me up and tell me that. If he just keeps sending me silly messages then he is obviously just a silly confused boy and i should reply by telling him to stop messaging me and go message his ex if she is the one he’s supposed to be in love with, not me! dont think it would impress her much to find out that he has been stalking me almost daily from 6000miles away when he is supposed to be in love with her! i think u are right about him stringing me along until he’s sure things are go with his ex – i found out he is seeing her soon at a social event, and he hasnt seen her for months, so i guess he wanted to make sure that he was single and could say to her that he hadnt had a girlfriend for about a month by the time he sees her, in case she wants to get back with him. I am worth SO MUCH MORE than that! seriously i am lovely to my boyfriends, i deserve someone who will be just as lovely back to me.
Thanks for your advice! I’m heading in the right direction with my thoughts and feelings now and won’t let him fool me into stringing me along!
Jay, here are some things that will make the spark die. 1. being to available. 2. doing everything for them. 3. no excitement, too much routine. 4. your not a challenge anymore. It is difficult to keep the spark or interest level up. I would suggest looking you Dr. Love on ask men .com and get his book you will have a total understanding of how the spark dies. You have to remember for future relationships that you have to always mix it up and not get complacent because your in a relationship.
Of course your feelings switch on and off, because you don’t have the answers to your questions. The problem is your probably not going to get them either. Sorry to say that buddy, it sucks! I would stick with the no contact rule and see where it goes. Since you work together the more she sees you moping around the worse it will be for you to ever get her back. No matter how it is tearing you up inside, you have to make her think it is not effecting you.
As for the party Friday night, if it were me I would not go. If there is drinking involved that could go really really bad for you if you get all emotional seeing her there.
It’s tough now, but it will get easier as time goes.
but the spark only died after we had the argument on the monday night before we split up on monday
so between them 5 days there must have been something that was going on
and she text me constantly for a week but contact was reduced like a couple of texts
and blame is on each other for the failed relationship
My perspective is that you need to try what I am doing and breath… Start enjoying things once enjoyed like walking a dog, enjoying the wind, breathing deeply, listening to the birds, walk in the rain, call your family and friends who love you, smell the flowers, most importantly, do not build a wall… grieving is normal and the truth is that it does hurt immensely… you ahve to accept it, because that is exactly what I’m doing right now. Call your sister, brother, mother, father, best friend from the past who is wondering about you as well. Cook, listen to music, take a dance class, soak in the bath… draw, create art, go to an event you have never thought about going to before, again… breath…………..
Jay, the spark was dieing well before 5 days. You just didn’t see or realize it. Look is someone is losing interest do you think they are going to tell you “Jay I’m losing interest” on a daily basis. Of course not, it is going to build up and then when it comes time to break up then they do. Look your having a hard time believing what is right in front of you. Believe me I was the same way, I just wanted it to go back to the good times.
Jay it doesn’t matter who blames who in the relationship. That fact is that today she has rejected you and now you have to recover and move on. Stop trying to figure out why, and go do like Kim said.
Kim great words of wisdom, It never is easy to go through a breakup. specially when your on the wrong end of one.
Sooooo, I have had a major relapse this week and have caved to his contact, which is still persistant. In fact, the more I tell him not to contact me, the more he seems to feel he has to and he jsut can’t help himself.
He seems very confused though. I confronted him asking him why he is still in touch with me, he misses me, cares for me, but has strong feelings for his ex, but loves to stay in touch with me. He is desperate to talk to me when he gets back from his holiday – i’m not sure i want this to drag on. I was very clear about this yesterday and demanded to know what it is he wants to talk to me about and why it cant be done via text or msn, he says he finds it hard to write about it and wants to talk to me about whats going through his head. he says he’s bought me a present from his holiday and he wants me to come see him so he can show me his holiday pics, his tan etc.
i have made it very clear that if the ex is still on the scene he needs to leave me alone. i am just waiting now until he gets back in few days. i asked him again not to contact me but woke up to a text message and he has instant messaged me at work. i havent replied to either today – being strong. Is he really genuinely confused or is he just leading me on? i guess i won’t know until i speak to him.
This is where it becomes interesting though and i think maybe he is just a bit strange: I asked one of our mutual friends about his girlfriend history, he says its weird. He did the same thing he’s doing to me to his last girlfriend, the one who he says he still has feelings for. Apparently, he broke up with her then contacted her every day for like 2 months, until he decided he wanted to get back together with her, by that point she had had enough and cut all contact with him and he has never got over it.
Some similiarities so far, i have told him very bluntly, why are you contacting me not your ex if u still love her. time will tell…
Who wrote this article may have my thanks .. I finally see things right ,after a long long time . Thank you for opening my eyes .
My boyfriend and I were dating in a long distance relationship. He broke up with me a couple of days ago, the day before he was supposed to come see me was the day he broke up with me. That day while I was at work, he sent me a message saying that he loves me, and then a few hours later, he decided that he wasnt coming to see me anymore, and we are no longer a couple. I havent spoken to him since. He wont return my messages, or even answer his phone….he did however send me a send message the night he broke up with saying that if I lived closer, maybe we would be together…..I am soo confused and heartbroken, can someone please tell me what I should do. Also he blocked me of all contact online.
Amanda, I would say he found someone else, that is total BS on his part for not seeing you face to face. I would say move on, and surround yourself with friends and stay busy. Long distance is a pretty tough relationship. Sorry you have to go through this process, but if you look back on the relationship and figure out some of the signs and try to work them out in the next relationship. Let me know if you need some stuff to read on this. I have a lot stuff you can read.
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