08 August 2008 ~ 79 Comments

Is Your Ex Leading You On?

Your Ex

So you’ve been through the terribly pain of the break up, now you expect everything to be different, but somehow your Ex is STILL acting like you’re in a relationship together.. but the catch is.. you’re NOT!

This is where you’re going to say to yourself.. “What the hell is going on here?!?!”

Amazingly, this is incredibly COMMON, but the bad news is, it can also go on and on for a long time after the break up and NOTHING could happen. It’s you being strung along, as a half friend half love interest.. sort of thing!

Is your ex just stringing you along?

Is your ex leading you on for their own amusement?

Sure-Fire Signs to Look Out For If You’re Worried Your Ex Might Be Leading You On:

  • Your ex continues to contact you and want you to do things for them even though they’re in a new relationship.

This is common especially when they know you have deep feelings for them and you don’t want to let go of the relationship. Your Ex could be taking advantage of the situation and merely enjoy the attention they’re getting.

  • Your Ex continues to tell you they love you and even want to be physical with you, but when asked for commitment, they back away cold.

This can be very confusing and hurtful. Your ex is enjoying the fact that they can have you whenever they want without the responsibilities of a full relationship. They are hanging onto you until something better comes along. Don’t allow this to continue.

  • When you always go out of your way to help your ex but when tables are turned, they leave you fending for yourself.

If all they do is come up with excuses when you need their help, it’s time to rethink what you’re doing. This is a one-sided relationship, what are YOU getting out of it?

When Your Ex is Genuinely Confused About Their Feelings For You

In some instances your ex might really be confused about what they want. Sometimes people hate to admit they were wrong in the first place. Your ex might have feelings for you, they might even think they’ve made a mistake, but they’re uncertain how to tell you. It’s best to get your feelings out in the open and confront your ex. If they’re not just stringing you along, they will honestly not want to hurt you anymore.

Sometimes it’s very common for an Ex to be “on the fence” so to speak and not WANT to make a decision. When this happens, they’ll do what “feels good” in the moment. That might mean, they’ll call you missing you one minute, and then complain about you being coming on strong when they’ve explain how they “just want to be friends”.

It’s NOT a good idea to go around accusing them of the game they’re playing. Sometimes, they’re just not even aware of it, and it’s only a sign of the confused state THEY are in because of the break up.

Want to know how you can make your ex come back to you?And actually WANT to be with you again?

Having a plan to get your ex back is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing because you could easily be lead off track… or into the dreaded “friendzone” for life.

Thankfully, there IS a solution…

Don’t wait to reunite, you may lose them forever, click here for the fastest method to win your ex back.

79 Responses to “Is Your Ex Leading You On?”

  1. Dan 27 January 2009 at 6:12 pm Permalink

    I am trying to stick to the no contact rule, my ex broke it off said she needed time to herself to figure herself out. She says she loves me but, ok. So since we broke up she has text me a couple of times saying she misses me and goodnight. Should I respond to them or keep the no contact up? At this point I am not sure I want to continue to try to get back with her based on the time I have had to think about how I was treated. Any advise will help. Thank you

  2. Big d 4 March 2009 at 11:37 pm Permalink

    I have been through the same situation. My ex constantly never told me anything about how she felt only her backstabbing friends.

  3. JJ 19 March 2009 at 12:41 pm Permalink

    hi.My ex walked out on me a few weeks ago as he said he couldnt be bothered trying.we were together for 7 years and 3 kids-2 older ones from a previous relationship.he said he loves me and always will and because i am his childs mother.over that time he has been here and we have still been intimate-i know what your saying but i love him.i did however decide that it will stop.he wanted us all to move state and start again before he left and now not.the kids and i are still going to move as im not hurting the kids more than they already are.it is very hard to have the no contact rule when kids are involved.he rings to speak to his youngest and sometimes the older two and the youngest goes to his place every fortnight.i would never dream of stopping him see the kids but how do i start to win him back without the no contact rule???all too confusing for me!!!

  4. JJ 19 March 2009 at 12:43 pm Permalink

    and dan…. your ex is trying to find out if you miss her and love her still.everybody needs time to find themselves.you need to think if you want her back or not.you will know when you see her.ask her for coffee or something.if you feel like you need to respond to her text message then just say…i know how you feel and good night to you too.something like that as its short.good luck

  5. Jim 31 March 2009 at 7:43 am Permalink

    It has been three months, my ex and I talk a little. However, if i bring up about us getting back together at first, we could talk about it, but not she ignores me when I bring it up. She says there is someone else but its been 2 months and they are still not together. I have asked her to send my possessions of cologne, one shirt and a book but she won’t. When I ask her to tell me its over for closure, she can’t. Is there still a chance? I still care about her so much and I want her back. I have had no contact for about a month now. I have tried everything. What can I do now?

  6. Dan 18 April 2009 at 2:28 am Permalink

    Well to give and update on my relationship issue. I have decided to move on and not look back. My ex started calling me every 2 weeks to talk, which was ok. Then the last week she started calling me every other day. Last Saturday she would not get off the phone and when I finally did she called me back 3 other times. Our conversations were mostly just casual, but she make some comments in a flirting way. So she called me this last Tuesday and we talked for a little bit. So I was thinking maybe she wanted to get back together. Well that was not the case at all. I sent her a text message later that night and just asked her why she has been calling so much lately. She responded with oh just to talk, to make a long story short she has been dating a guy and he is or was a friend of mine. In the end it got pretty heated and I told her not to call me anymore. She is a real attention needy person and I guess she needed more attention and she knew I would probably give her attention. So I would say stay with the no contact rule and go about your business and if you start getting calls from your ex I would be upfront right from the start and ask what the intentions are. Cause I was doing great till she started calling and it started to give the false hope so why go through that pain again. Good luck.

  7. Dan 18 April 2009 at 2:37 am Permalink

    Hey Jim are you dating anybody else? If not I would try to start cause just to clear your head of her. As for the possessions tell her she can either keep them or throw them away, it would show her that you don’t need her. She might be thinking that you are using the possessions to try to see her. I left some stuff at my ex’s house and never asked for them, things are things replace them. I know it’s tough! The worst thing you can do is try to be friends with her cause you are setting yourself up for a lot of heartache. Don’t ever bring up getting back together cause it will push her away even further. I hope this helps

  8. Dan 18 April 2009 at 2:46 am Permalink

    One of the best things I did to get over her was I wrote out a list of the good and the bad about our 1. relationship, 2. about her, 3. how I was treated, 4. how I treated her. I ended up writing about 5 pages of stuff and once I looked at it from my perception there was more bad on the first 3. What that did for me was ask myself was why would I want to be in a relationship like that. I kept in with me so whenever I had the feelings of missing her i would look at the list and it would get me out of that thinking. With what just happened last week it confirmed everything I wrote down. Don’t get me wrong I love her, but can’t deal with everything else that comes with her. I hope this helps

  9. Jim 18 April 2009 at 3:54 am Permalink

    I found out now that she is in a new relationship. I still have not contacted her but was wondering is there anything i can do not. Should i keep the no contact wall up or become her friend. I am trying to move on and until i find someone new, i still miss her. Any ideas?

  10. Dan 18 April 2009 at 4:40 am Permalink

    Stay with the no contact, do not become her friend. The reason you do not want to become her friend is that you have feelings for her and you can get taken advantage of real easy or miss read a situation like I did and have to go through the pain again. Although it’s not nearly as bad as the first time. The only way you can make her come back is to miss you and hope that the new relationship she is in makes her realize what she is missing you. If that doesn’t happen, you have to move on. Try to get as active as possible, do things that will occupy your mind. If your doing things that have no thinking involved then guess what you’ll start thinking of her. I believe a woman or a man in a relationship is gone from a relationship at least a month before they end it. So their emotions are shut off from the pain of losing somebody and typically they already have someone in mind to replace you. That is just my own thinking, but it makes sense.
    My ex was talking to the guy she is dating now when we were still together and I called her out on it and she said oh we are just friends or just someone to talk to. If I would have known then what I know now, I would have ended it with her 2 months before she ended it. Let me know how it goes.

  11. rob 13 May 2009 at 12:35 am Permalink

    forget them move on its hard to do but its true i was the one that lost my missis and i had to come to turms with that

  12. phoebe 21 May 2009 at 10:08 pm Permalink

    I’m glad I’m not alone boys… I too jim have the same problem your facing. Although I’m not sure if my ex is dating right now I don’t even think I want to know. I feel like I’m going thru a mid life crisis and I’m not even at that age. Sometimes I’m caught between wanting to get back with my ex and some days I just want to move on forever. I wish I had an honest answer. Its hard for me he broke up with me over the phone with no reason but gave me hope at that time. Its been over 3 months and still no closure. No closure and he hasn’t given back my belongings and when I txt him he says oh sorry I will tomorrow. But still nothing. I believe he thinks its my excuse to see him. It might be who knows I’m a emotional wreak. All I want is for this to dissapear forever. Please help?

  13. Dan 23 May 2009 at 2:26 pm Permalink

    Hey Phoebe, sorry to hear your going through such a hard time. It sounds like from what your writing is that he is leading you on pretty bad. Maybe he is trying to keep you around for back up if whatever he is into now doesn’t work out. Unless you have some really valuable things at his place, I would just let them go, and do the no contact rule. He may think it’s an excuse for you to see him and maybe he doesn’t want to conflict. How often have you tried to contact him? Do you still have stuff of his around your place? If you do you should get rid of them. You don’t need him for closure. Take it for what it is right now he is messing you up by blowing you off and not giving you the closure you want. So figure out a way you can get closure without him. The only closure he is going to give you is a conformation to him breaking up with you. He sounds like a coward to to these things to you, but you have to stop letting him get you all messed up. Let me know how it goes, being in your position I will try to help if you want to.

  14. Jim 2 June 2009 at 3:53 am Permalink

    My ex has recently texted me randomly again. She told me of her coming back to pittsburgh reminded her of me. We were talking for a day or two and then she starts ignoring me again. I am so frustrated. I have no idea why she keeps ignoring after six months. I am so confused. I still care about her so much and it hurts when she starts ignoring me again. Any ideas whey she would talk to me one day and ignore me the next.

  15. Dan 2 June 2009 at 5:57 am Permalink

    Jim, I would recommend that you move on from her. She is just torturing you. If you think about it why would she do that to you? Look at the type of person she is. I had a similar situation happen to me, in that I told my ex to not contact me again. So sure enough 3 weeks later she texts me and says she is sorry about everything. I didn’t even respond to her, cause it would have started the emotions again. You can not let your emotions disable you. Make the list of good and bad times, and I am sure once you do you will see where the relationship turned bad or you might realize like I did that the girlfriend wasn’t as good as I thought she was and that I put up with way too much bs. I would not respond to her, if you want to know how much she cares about you, ignore her text messages and see if she calls you. My ex never called, not that I would have answered either. Jim you need to move on and find someone else. Your going to look back on this time and say to yourself how stupid you were for wasting 6 months trying to get her back when you have so much in front of you. Hope you can make peace with this soon. I know how you feel. go on askmen.com and look up some of the articles there about interest level in women. it will give you a better understanding. let me know what you think.

  16. Jim 7 June 2009 at 7:35 am Permalink

    Does anyone have any ideas why my ex could be doing this to me. Talking to me for a few days and then ignoring. Only wanting to talk when she does and never when I want to. She still can not talk about our break up and she is supposedly with someone else. So why iniated contact with me again and tell me that her whole weekend back in pittsburgh reminded her of me. If she is with someone else then why talk to me. I am just so confused. This is the second time she has done this to me since we broke up.

  17. Dan 7 June 2009 at 8:12 am Permalink

    Dude she is just f***in with you. Don’t you get it MOVE ON!! If she wanted to be with you she would! All she is doing is playing you, and you are dog begging for a treat. Start being a man and move on. Why don’t you just ask her why she is texting you. I bet your not going to hear what you want to hear.

  18. Jim 8 June 2009 at 7:46 am Permalink

    I did ask her that and she said she is not sure why she did. Plus, she even texted me again last night cheering on the hockey game. I did not text back and I am moving on. I am just curious, how and why somone could do this to someone else.

  19. Dan 8 June 2009 at 7:59 am Permalink

    Hey I know it’s rough dealing with this. Glad to hear your moving on. I was in the same situation with the texting, but mine were calls. I wish I had an answer for you on your curiosity. I thought the same thing. I just think it comes down to either guilt on them, or they have no conscience and don’t care about how your emotions. Cause she has to know how you feel about her, and if she knows that texting you ist going to get your emotions stirred up then she is a horrible person. That was a huge step when you didn’t text her back. You should be proud of yourself. Just take it one day at a time and get out and meet other women. They can’t all be as bad as the one’s we hooked up with.

  20. Jim 8 June 2009 at 8:12 am Permalink

    Thanks man. You have been a big help.

  21. Jim 9 June 2009 at 11:55 pm Permalink

    What if she contacts me again. Should I keep ignoring her or should I talk to her then?

  22. Dan 10 June 2009 at 1:25 am Permalink

    What they say in the magic of making up is if she sends you a text, then wait about a day to get back to her. There thinking is it will show her that you waiting by your phone for her to text you. I think if you look at your situation. There are some questions to why she is still contacting you. If she texts you again in my opinion I would ignore it. If she calls then answer. Stop and think every time she contacts you what does it do to you. If this is happening every other week or even on a weekly basis, she may be keeping you around as a back up to her current situation. It is sad to say but it happens a lot. If it get to extreme and you find out why she is really texting you you may need to change your number. You wouldn’t be the first one to do that. Eventually she will either stop contact all together, or will start calling you. That will give you some clues to what she is up to. Make sure you keep your emotions in check, cause that would be the worst time to have a conversation with her.

  23. Jim 10 June 2009 at 3:14 am Permalink

    Is there a way I can find out why she has been texting me? Or do I just have to play the waiting game until she starts to call me or text me more often?

  24. Dan 10 June 2009 at 3:57 am Permalink

    Well when you asked her why she text you she said “she didn’t know why” What was her reason for breaking up? If she starts texting you more, tell her to call you instead. Texting is way to comfortable for people. I know whenever I asked a tough question to my ex through a text message she would never answer the question. I’m not sure if that ‘s happening to you, but based on her answer of “I don’t know why”. You let her off the hook on that one. Only she can tell you why she is texting you, you can try to figure it out by her actions and what questions you ask. You have to remember you don’t need to talk to her with the same respect you had when you were together. I am not saying to be a jerk, but you can ask some tough questions and wait for an answer. I am sure if you would have asked tough questions when you were together it could have caused an argument. Look at it as you have no ties to her, and you need to know the truth. Play the waiting game AND CONTINUE TO MOVE ON.

  25. Jim 10 June 2009 at 4:05 am Permalink

    The reason we broke up was because she said that I would get upset when she wouldnt answer the phone when she lived 5 hours from me. If that helps. I am also going to go visit some friends next weekend and they live very close to where she is living. When I go up and visit, should I try to let her know I am there if she wants to talk in person or do something like a nice gesture or should I just go up there have a good time with my buddies and what ever happens with her happens?

  26. Dan 10 June 2009 at 4:20 am Permalink

    Ok that makes sense. Now here is what you NEED to do! It sounds like you were insecure about parts of your relationship. That is something to learn from. So instead of trying or thinking about ways to get her back, you will need to fix yourself first. Here is why: lets say she says she wants you back, and you get back together with her. What has changed? Your still going to have the insecurity that caused the first break up. So the results will be the same, cause you will get those insecurities back they didn’t go anywhere. Look for ways to increase you self esteem, cause you are going to have to have a thought process of not needing her. One way to help is write down the insecurities that showed up in your relationship and try to identify where they came from. Start there and start taking care of you first.

    As for hanging you with your buddies. That is all I would do, do not contact her while your there, or stop by to see her. What would look better: the fact that you were in her area and didn’t need to see her, cause you were there to hang out with buddies, or you show up or call her and she blows you off or if you show up she may have the person she is seeing there. I don’t think that would be a good situation. You basically have to go against everything your feeling and do the opposite. The more available you are the less she is going to want you. So go hang out with you buddies and HAVE A GREAT TIME. Oh and no drunk dialing!!!!

  27. Jim 10 June 2009 at 4:30 am Permalink

    Is there a way for her to find out I am there with out calling her stopping by to see her? I agree with you , however, if I am there and she never finds out i was there then it is a mute point.

  28. Dan 10 June 2009 at 5:12 am Permalink

    Do your friends know her? If they do they will more than likely tell her you were by her. You can also tell her yourself when you get back for the trip. I’m telling you the more you reach, you are not going to enjoy your trip. If she knows your there, where do you think your mind is going to be? It will not be with hanging out with your buddies. Who knows if you told her you were going to be in her area, she may make herself busy to a point she wouldn’t see you anyway. Right. It will be a lot better if she finds out you were there after the fact. Look at it this way she will think that you don’t need her and that will attract her more. It weird that it works that way. So when you get back from your trip and she texts you you can tell her then. Let her be the on shocked that you didn’t try to contact her when you were there. That make sense?

  29. Dan 10 June 2009 at 5:17 am Permalink

    It would be like a movie if you went there and swept her off her feet. How likely is that to happen? More than likely it could go bad especially if she is with that guy. You really need time away from her to get yourself fixed, instead of being fixated on her. Go hang out with your buddies and try to forget about her, that way you will enjoy your time.

  30. Jim 10 June 2009 at 6:50 am Permalink

    Ok that hopefully would work lol. One more thing, sorry to be a pain in the ass lol. How to I get from her texting me to her calling me. Do I just hope she finally calls me or should I say something to her next time she texts me.

  31. Dan 10 June 2009 at 8:48 am Permalink

    Just be blunt about it and text her back and tell her to call you, don’t ask tell her. If she calls that’s good, if she doesn’t then you have your answer if she wants to get back with you. Man I hope everything works out for you either way! At least knowing either way so you can move on. Hey make sure you start fixing you! Don’t forget that. Let me know how it goes.

  32. Jim 10 June 2009 at 11:57 pm Permalink

    Thanks will do and this is all based on her texting me again right. I dont text her until she contacts me again.

  33. Dan 11 June 2009 at 1:53 am Permalink

    Yes it is based on her texting you, because you are moving on. I think you said earlier that she ignores your texts. You have to make her feel like you don’t need her and are a confident person and can live without her. In reality you need to live like that. You should not become needy on someone else. So from what you told me about why she broke up with you, you need to look at your actions, here are a few: controlling, insecure, trusting, jealous.. These are only a few the are all relationship breakers. These are the things you have to fix. Look at askmen.com there is a lot of info on that website about relationships.

  34. Jim 11 June 2009 at 3:09 am Permalink

    Ok thanks, I will keep you posted.

  35. Jim 19 June 2009 at 12:19 am Permalink

    So I came up with a plan. I wanted her to know I was coming up there, but I did not want her to know from me. I had my buddy invite her out one night while I was up there.
    HE sent her this:
    Hope all is well. How has work been? I am sure not as enjoyable at the times at Temple. I am trying to get a big group to go out on Friday night for when Jim arrives.. He is coming in to visit us and I know you two used to date and I am not sure if you guys still keep in touch, but he did speak very highly of you when I asked during our cruise so I assumed you two are on good terms. So I thought I would invite you. I was afraid that Jim might only know Jason and I so I thought it would be nice if he knew other people.

    She responded with this:

    I hope all is well with you too!

    To tell you the truth, I’m not sure what the status is between me and Jim is these days. I haven’t spoken to him in at least a month, but he’s never said anything bad of or to me.

    Either way, I am not going to be in town this weekend. I am driving home to Baltimore Friday morning and then heading to Tampa Saturday morning. I certainly do appreciate the invite. Keep me in mind for the future when you are getting a group together.


    How should I interpret this. To me this message is very confusing. How does she not know our status. I have made it clear we cant be friends and that I would like to get back together. SHe knows the last time we talked. What do you think?

  36. E 21 June 2009 at 3:30 am Permalink

    so my boyfriend broke up with me after 7 years for someone else.. he told me that he wasnt looking for a relationship and that he just wants to have fun with this girl and not be exclusive..that hes not looking for love cause he has it with me… well come to find out they are now offiicial.. its been 3 months – 1 month of completely no talking and now he started calling me talking about how he misses me and wants my friendship.. blah blah blah… he tells me he loves me, and that he would cheat on her with is me.. like thats supposed to make me feel good.. loser.. didnt he leave me for her in the first place?? he tells me he wants to take me to dinner and yet never makes the time cause he spends it with her… anyways i cant seem to let go.. i feel like i need him in my life even if he’s not my boyfriend.. i dont know what to do..i just keep praying that either i will move on or he will come back to me… i dont know what his deal is.. ANY ADVICE???

  37. jim 23 June 2009 at 3:25 am Permalink

    Well, to help I need a few questions answered. You two were together for seven years. Were you guys engaged? Were you two talking about engagement. If it is no to those two quetions, why not? He seems he is not sure what he wants. The old saying goes He wants his cake and eats it to. He seems like he doesn’t exactly know what he wants. I would not look to much into him calling you and telling him he misses you and such. He left you. You do not need him. I know it is tough. It has been seven years. That is understandable. While he is with someone else, you have to give him his space. How old his he. He seems very immature to me. Take this time to enjoy life. Hang out with friends, go to the movies etc… The main idea is to just keep busy. I heard a saying recently. If you truly love someone, not only will they love you at your best, but they will love you at your worst. Remember, he gave up on you. DO NOT GO CRAWLING BACK TO HIM. Just give it time. Keep the no contact. HE wont forget about you. I still think of my ex everyday. For me after seven months, I still think of her everyday. He won’t forget about you either. He needs ttime to realize that you don’t need him and to miss you.

  38. Dan 23 June 2009 at 4:20 am Permalink

    I would say this. It sounds like to me he is stringing you along, which I think he is a jerk for doing that to you. I know you have deep emotions about him, but you have to get control over those emotions. I agree with Jim with the no contact rule. The more you don’t need him the better. Once he figures that out it may attract him back to you. You truly need to move on and get yourself mentally to a point where you choose to have him in your life, not depend on him being in your life. It is a very difficult process, specially if you don’t keep your mind occupied. If you think about what he is doing to you now that might give you a push to move on. Because if he loved you he would be with you, that is the bottom line. If you focus on all the good times you had it will make it that much harder to move on, if you think about the not so good times that may help you gain control over your emotions. I know I wrote a list of good and bad and the bad out weighed the good. I didn’t realize how bad it was till I wrote it all out. That may help you as well. I would say work on you and only you. If you were to go back to him right now what would be different in 3 months. Neither one of you have made changes the get a different result.

  39. Dan 23 June 2009 at 4:29 am Permalink

    Jim you have your answer right there! I told you she would make herself unavailable. You need to move on…. She is doing to you what E’s ex boyfriend is doing to her. These two people are dangling a carrot in front of you to see how far your going to chase it. I hate to sound so harsh, but stop wasting your time and move on and feel good about yourself for making the decision to do so. At some point you have to say to yourself she is not in my life except when she wants to be and that is not a positive in your life. Like I told you before look at yourself and figure out the learning in this relationship and try to develop and grow from the mistakes you have made with this last one.

  40. jim 23 June 2009 at 4:51 am Permalink

    I believe I am. When I went up there. I did not try to see her or contact her. I just hope she would leave me alone. That is the only I can truly move on I beleive.

  41. jim 23 June 2009 at 4:57 am Permalink

    Dan, do you still miss your ex? WHat ever happened with your situation?

  42. Dan 23 June 2009 at 5:38 am Permalink

    Jim I am proud of you!! It sounds like these are positive steps for you! Just take it day by day. You are spot on she needs to leave you alone so you can move on. Ya know that is funny you should ask. I was golfing thursday and she called me. I didn’t answer my phone. So she leaves me a massage asking me to help her with her internet connection on her work lap top. She couldn’t get the lap top to connect to the router that I put in her house. Anyway a few hours went by and and I sent her a text message saying look I don’t want to talk or do anything to help you, the only memory I have of you is a bad one. I was shocked that she had the balls to call me and ask me for help knowing what I went through with her. Obviously we had some good times but in the big picture it was not a relationship I liked. The light of missing her gets dimmer everyday. I just focus on how much better my life is without her and now I can start setting goals again and accomplish more of what I need to do to improve my life.

  43. Dan 23 June 2009 at 5:43 am Permalink

    Oh one of the things I did and this convinced me that I was over her was I went on to my cell phone account and I blocked her number from texting me. That was the day I knew I was done with that chapter in my life.

    I am grateful to have known her and learned a lot from the relationship and myself. I have dated a few girls since her, nothing serious and I don’t want it serious either. I am just enjoying not having a commitment. So we will see what happens. Thanks for asking I appreciate that. Keep me updated on your progress.

  44. b 26 March 2010 at 4:30 pm Permalink

    Hey dan, i was jsut curious after you blocked her, did she make any other attempts to contact you, showing up at ur house etc, i am dealing right now with an ex who literraly continued to message me up to 5 t o 6 times a day for 12 weeks without me responding once.

  45. Terry 4 May 2010 at 12:42 pm Permalink

    My ex continues to text me, and what I have done is decided that I will only answer her questions. If I receive text that has no question attached like, “Hope you have a great day at work.” Or she replies to my message with no further questions. I will not continue the conversation. I am not completely ignoring her, but she knows that I am treating her differently. Using her to keep open the lines of communication…. I don’t have to do anything..

  46. Dan 8 May 2010 at 7:03 am Permalink

    Hey B, No she didn’t contact me after that. Let me tell ya life has been great since.

    B did you break it off or did she? Sounds like you did if she is messaging you like that.

    Blocking her was one the best things I did, really cause once the interest level is gone there’s no going back. For awhile it was tough cause I would hear from here every once in awhile and it was giving me that false hope, so I cut it off and have been happier without her.

  47. Dan 8 May 2010 at 7:05 am Permalink

    Hey Terry, Did you break up with her? Cause if you did and you keep hanging her out there like that, that is BS. Just cut the cord and move on. Karma is a bitch…

  48. jay 9 May 2010 at 3:09 am Permalink

    my gal finished me with a shit load of reasons
    then when i go out on town
    wants to know if i pull and admits her feelings but dont want to do out till they have settled

    then week later texts me saying they are settled and doesnt want to know
    then texts saying i dont fit into her life

    but sson as i said im ready to let go she doesnt talk x

  49. Dan 10 May 2010 at 12:47 am Permalink

    Hey Jay, if you want to get back with her, then do the no contact rule like they say in the books, for 30 days. Either way it will give you time to get yourself together. If I were you I would go keep going out on the town and be single. Get out have fun, and let her come back to you.

    From the sound of the texts take if for face value. If you don’t fit in her life, then go with that. She is holding all the cards right now, cause she can text you whenever she wants and get your emotions out of whack like a false hope. That is the worst!!!! I’ve been there. I had to cut it off all together and move on.

    Look up this guy called dr. love he is on ask men. com read or listen to his take on interest level. You will have a much better understanding on why and what to do. Hope this helps buddy.

  50. jay 10 May 2010 at 8:35 am Permalink


    i have been split up with my girlfriend for two weeks and i dont know whats going
    she split with me and gave me so many reasons
    she wasnt happy
    spark died
    had more fun with friends
    race and age
    didnt fit into her lifestyle

    we had an argument before we split cause she was winding me up . all i asked was a simple question and i got stupid reply’s
    i said she annoyed me when she was with friends and i dont enjoy being second best

    on the day we split i met her for dinner and she looked me in the eyes and said she loved me
    told my best friend that she it was perfect
    then three hours late wants to finish but isnt sure
    then goes out with friends and finishes me in the morning and says she was faithfull
    she contacted me for ten days after we split but not alot

    anyways wehn i went out to the clubs, she would ask me if i pulled any other women, and said she had feelings for me
    then couple of days later says we cant be friends cause of jealousy and her feelings for me had gone when she said it was over but said nice things to keep me happy

    and today said i didnt fit into her lifestyle after i said im ready to let go

    but its killing me. any help advice ? thanks

  51. Dan 10 May 2010 at 9:32 am Permalink

    Jay, ok your probably not going to like what I’m going to say, but it is the truth! Let’s take a look at her words she has said to you. The reasons she gave you are the facts right. I can guarantee you that this has been in the works for awhile. The I love you is BS. Think about it if she did why would she turn you away. My ex did the same exact thing looked into my eyes and said the I love you. This is typically what happens she looses interest in you or spark, and finds a spark with someone else, then breaks it off with you when she knows she has someone waiting in the wings for her.

    When she said the spark died, she is telling you it is over. So what are you to do? take time for yourself, hang out with friends get your mind off of her. The best thing I did was make a list of all the headaches she put me through, the arguments and kept it with me and whenever I was getting down about her I would look at the list as a reminder. It helped me out big time. I was really in love with this girl, so I needed something to put me in a frame of mind that there are a lot better out there. If I were you I would not have any contact with her. The reason is you will continue to get your emotions out of whack.
    Best thing to do is move on get out with friends, meet other girls. Dude it is a painful thing to go through. I can tell you the one think I have come to realize is when the interest is gone, it is over and there is nothing you can do about it. You can’t make her have feelings for you. Now she might see that your out and it doesn’t bother you that you two broke up and might make it a challenge for her to get you back. That is pretty slim though.
    The books on here will tell you the same thing I just told you. I bought a couple of them, and they are good. Just stay away from false hope. That will tear you up more than anything.

  52. mystique 11 May 2010 at 9:33 am Permalink

    Hey this is exactly the place I’ve been looking for.

    My man broke it off with me 2 weeks ago stating that he still has feelings for his ex (they broke up a yr ago, he said he was gonna marry her and he’s not over it).

    So I was really cool and understanding about it, spoke to him about his feelings but made it clear that I wasn’t prepared to be his second best. He said he needed a permanent break and I agreed.

    Immediately after dumping me, however, he texted me for hours until i had to ring him and we spoke for hours until 2am – we were talking as if nothing had changed between us, in fact we were getting on evenn better than we had done before! I started no contact, but the exact same thing happened the next day. He was going on holiday and contacted me all through the night, texting even when i was asleep, until he got on the plane. When he finally got to his destination ON THE ABSOLUTE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD i started no contact again thinking it would be a chance for us both to have some space apart, but he KEPT ON TEXTING ME/FACEBOOKING ME – I continued no contact but EVEN AFTER 6 DAYS OF NO CONTACT NO RESPONSE FROM ME HE STILL CONTACTED ME with just silly messages about his day, how am i etc!

    Finally, after a whole 6 days, I felt really rude and was obviously desperate to contact him back, so I text him a cheerful friendly text. I heard from him again the next day when he heard a song which reminds him of me which sparked a few hours of text conversation. We’ve had a few bits of contact since, despite the fact that he is still in another continent too but the relationship hasn’t come up at all, its just funny banter.

    i don’t know what he wants from me. In his contact he’s being really cute and flirty and funny, telling me the ins and outs of his day, trying to impress me with the stuff he doing, losing weight etc, asking me about my day, making up cute names for me, including loads of in jokes in the messages, saying night night etc. i guess he still likes me? I would like to get back with him but don’t want him to string me along.

    If I were brave, I would ask him outright why he is still contacting me and flirting and almost acting as if we haven’t broken up, but am too scared of him rejecting me because he is still confused or thinks he’s still in love with his ex.

    Right now, I am trying to go back to no contact, even if he texts me I will not respond as I have decided that texting seems to jsut be too easy for him and is possibly meaningless. If he really wants me back he needs to SHOW ME, not just send me cute texts.

    Am i doing the right thing? What do you think he wants from me? Why dump me then keep up regular close contact with me? It jsut doesn’t seem normal!

    • Ashley 11 May 2010 at 9:57 am Permalink

      Mystique, the thing to remember, he is doing all these things because first of all.. he feels GUILTY for doing what he did. So he thinks by keeping in contact, just being friendly, it doesn’t make him look as bad. You do need to maintain contact because if he broke up with you for his ex, he is really doing you a favour. You don’t want a guy who wants someone else! If you remain in contact, it prevents you from moving on but it does make him feel better. Which would you prefer? My advice, stick with no contact, tell him straight up, you find it too hard to consistently get messages from him knowing that he doesn’t want you! So unless he’s willing to come back, you’re not going to talk to him anymore.

  53. Dan 11 May 2010 at 1:05 pm Permalink

    Mystique, I agree with Ashley no contact is no contact. No matter how difficult it is. From what you said, if your ex wants to get back with his ex then why doesn’t he. I would say be careful about text messages, because you can say whatever you want in a text that has no meaning. It sounds like to me he maybe keeping you hangin till his ex is a sure thing. You have to remember in a relationship you either want to be with that person or you don’t. Take control of the relationship or whatever is left. Make him come to you on your terms. Mean while you move on and try to get out with friends stay busy, and when he calls you, you tell him you don’t have a lot of time to talk right now your busy and you get off the phone. Don’t answer he texts, if he is a man he will at least talk to you on the phone and not hide behind text messages. The bottom line is if you want him then make him come to you by showing him that you do not revolve around him and you can live with or without him. Hope this helps

  54. jay 12 May 2010 at 3:14 am Permalink


    i just dont understand how the spark died
    the questions have all gone unanswered
    she said there was no other guy, maybe thats a cover

    but her friends say she aviods this topic as they like me
    and my feelings just switch on and off atm

    i want her back but there is too much hurt to be friends, i have deleted her number and ignore her online

    but we work together and have a party coming up this friday

  55. mystique 12 May 2010 at 10:54 am Permalink

    thanks guys, that is pretty much what i was thinking, bit of a messed up guy. he contacted me again today, commenting on my facebook status and stuff like that, its sad really. but you’re right, if he wants me back for good without wanting to go back to his ex, fine, he should ring me up and tell me that. If he just keeps sending me silly messages then he is obviously just a silly confused boy and i should reply by telling him to stop messaging me and go message his ex if she is the one he’s supposed to be in love with, not me! dont think it would impress her much to find out that he has been stalking me almost daily from 6000miles away when he is supposed to be in love with her! i think u are right about him stringing me along until he’s sure things are go with his ex – i found out he is seeing her soon at a social event, and he hasnt seen her for months, so i guess he wanted to make sure that he was single and could say to her that he hadnt had a girlfriend for about a month by the time he sees her, in case she wants to get back with him. I am worth SO MUCH MORE than that! seriously i am lovely to my boyfriends, i deserve someone who will be just as lovely back to me.

    Thanks for your advice! I’m heading in the right direction with my thoughts and feelings now and won’t let him fool me into stringing me along!

  56. Dan 12 May 2010 at 3:25 pm Permalink

    Jay, here are some things that will make the spark die. 1. being to available. 2. doing everything for them. 3. no excitement, too much routine. 4. your not a challenge anymore. It is difficult to keep the spark or interest level up. I would suggest looking you Dr. Love on ask men .com and get his book you will have a total understanding of how the spark dies. You have to remember for future relationships that you have to always mix it up and not get complacent because your in a relationship.

    Of course your feelings switch on and off, because you don’t have the answers to your questions. The problem is your probably not going to get them either. Sorry to say that buddy, it sucks! I would stick with the no contact rule and see where it goes. Since you work together the more she sees you moping around the worse it will be for you to ever get her back. No matter how it is tearing you up inside, you have to make her think it is not effecting you.

    As for the party Friday night, if it were me I would not go. If there is drinking involved that could go really really bad for you if you get all emotional seeing her there.

    It’s tough now, but it will get easier as time goes.

  57. jay 12 May 2010 at 11:18 pm Permalink

    but the spark only died after we had the argument on the monday night before we split up on monday

    so between them 5 days there must have been something that was going on

    and she text me constantly for a week but contact was reduced like a couple of texts

    and blame is on each other for the failed relationship

  58. Kim Liles 17 May 2010 at 4:45 pm Permalink

    My perspective is that you need to try what I am doing and breath… Start enjoying things once enjoyed like walking a dog, enjoying the wind, breathing deeply, listening to the birds, walk in the rain, call your family and friends who love you, smell the flowers, most importantly, do not build a wall… grieving is normal and the truth is that it does hurt immensely… you ahve to accept it, because that is exactly what I’m doing right now. Call your sister, brother, mother, father, best friend from the past who is wondering about you as well. Cook, listen to music, take a dance class, soak in the bath… draw, create art, go to an event you have never thought about going to before, again… breath…………..

  59. Dan 17 May 2010 at 10:36 pm Permalink

    Jay, the spark was dieing well before 5 days. You just didn’t see or realize it. Look is someone is losing interest do you think they are going to tell you “Jay I’m losing interest” on a daily basis. Of course not, it is going to build up and then when it comes time to break up then they do. Look your having a hard time believing what is right in front of you. Believe me I was the same way, I just wanted it to go back to the good times.

    Jay it doesn’t matter who blames who in the relationship. That fact is that today she has rejected you and now you have to recover and move on. Stop trying to figure out why, and go do like Kim said.

    Kim great words of wisdom, It never is easy to go through a breakup. specially when your on the wrong end of one.

  60. mystique 17 May 2010 at 11:24 pm Permalink

    Sooooo, I have had a major relapse this week and have caved to his contact, which is still persistant. In fact, the more I tell him not to contact me, the more he seems to feel he has to and he jsut can’t help himself.

    He seems very confused though. I confronted him asking him why he is still in touch with me, he misses me, cares for me, but has strong feelings for his ex, but loves to stay in touch with me. He is desperate to talk to me when he gets back from his holiday – i’m not sure i want this to drag on. I was very clear about this yesterday and demanded to know what it is he wants to talk to me about and why it cant be done via text or msn, he says he finds it hard to write about it and wants to talk to me about whats going through his head. he says he’s bought me a present from his holiday and he wants me to come see him so he can show me his holiday pics, his tan etc.

    i have made it very clear that if the ex is still on the scene he needs to leave me alone. i am just waiting now until he gets back in few days. i asked him again not to contact me but woke up to a text message and he has instant messaged me at work. i havent replied to either today – being strong. Is he really genuinely confused or is he just leading me on? i guess i won’t know until i speak to him.

    This is where it becomes interesting though and i think maybe he is just a bit strange: I asked one of our mutual friends about his girlfriend history, he says its weird. He did the same thing he’s doing to me to his last girlfriend, the one who he says he still has feelings for. Apparently, he broke up with her then contacted her every day for like 2 months, until he decided he wanted to get back together with her, by that point she had had enough and cut all contact with him and he has never got over it.

    Some similiarities so far, i have told him very bluntly, why are you contacting me not your ex if u still love her. time will tell…

  61. Nicholas 15 June 2010 at 7:52 am Permalink

    Who wrote this article may have my thanks .. I finally see things right ,after a long long time . Thank you for opening my eyes .

  62. Amanda 27 June 2010 at 3:51 am Permalink

    My boyfriend and I were dating in a long distance relationship. He broke up with me a couple of days ago, the day before he was supposed to come see me was the day he broke up with me. That day while I was at work, he sent me a message saying that he loves me, and then a few hours later, he decided that he wasnt coming to see me anymore, and we are no longer a couple. I havent spoken to him since. He wont return my messages, or even answer his phone….he did however send me a send message the night he broke up with saying that if I lived closer, maybe we would be together…..I am soo confused and heartbroken, can someone please tell me what I should do. Also he blocked me of all contact online.

  63. Dan 28 June 2010 at 1:43 pm Permalink

    Amanda, I would say he found someone else, that is total BS on his part for not seeing you face to face. I would say move on, and surround yourself with friends and stay busy. Long distance is a pretty tough relationship. Sorry you have to go through this process, but if you look back on the relationship and figure out some of the signs and try to work them out in the next relationship. Let me know if you need some stuff to read on this. I have a lot stuff you can read.

  64. Jane 25 October 2010 at 5:04 am Permalink

    My situation is a little different from the others posted. While I was in a long term and long distance relationship, I met someone else. I was very excited about this new person (i.e. could see him being “the one”, something I’ve never felt or thought of before), but did not know if it was a wise decision to end something serious with a great guy for someone I barely knew. I became involved with this new person, and over time our feelings developed, and he spoke of becoming serious and joked about the possibility of marriage in the future, but also said that we could not become serious if I were in a relationship. During this time, I had spoken to my partner about our relationship and we had distanced ourselves in many ways, but we did not completely end things, and I did not tell him that I had feelings for someone else.

    I continued putting off making a decision in part because this new person seemed to run hot and cold with me, and I wanted some kind of assurance from him that he could see something serious developing with me before I took the step of ending something completely with a person who I share so much with. But, the truth was that I didn’t feel the same kind of spark anymore with my partner, and I should have ended things, but did not.

    At one point, this new person told me that he could continue to see me, but that he wants a serious relationship at some point and when he meets someone he wants to date, he will have to move on from me. After hearing about how serious my partner’s feelings are for me and how close we are, he told me to stay with him. He said that if I were single we could see each other but it would have to be casual for a while, as he has always thought of me as being unavailable. The next day, he told me he had to step away from the situation all together, but that we would still be great friends, etc.

    I decided that I had to do the right thing and end things with my partner, and that this would be the risk I would have to take to see if something could develop with this new person. I did so, and told the new person about it. We were in contact less for the first couple of weeks, then he began to call me more often (pretty much daily), and still is flirtatious with me. He spoke of us becoming physical but said it was too soon for that, he needed time to not feel like “the other guy”.

    It has now been over a month, and my concern is that he may not want a relationship with me. Part of me thinks that it’s a good thing that he wants to hold off on anything physical, that maybe he does want a fresh start. But part of me worries that he wants to enact his original suggestion of being involved with me until he finds someone else, or that he does not want to be physical because he doesn’t want to have strong feelings for me, and he wants to distance himself first. (He has still been affectionate, but he does not want anything serious at this point)

    Another concern is that I tend to only see him at his suggestion, and at times when he wants help with something or another. I have tried to back off and I basically let him contact me, but I’m not sure of what my best move is at this point. I know it’s not a typical break up because I was in a relationship, and it sounds as though that was the reason for him to back off. However, I don’t want to keep my hopes up if this person is just trying to work this into a friends with benefits situation. Part of me understands why he would want some space and thinks it may be a positive thing, but another part of me thinks that if he really wants to be with me, he should want things to progress a bit more than they currently are. I may have taken too long to do the right thing, but ultimately, I did so, and I hope that will count for something.

    The perspective of someone outside of this situation would be appreciated–thank you!

  65. Shay 20 August 2011 at 8:57 pm Permalink

    I dated my ex 12 years ago after I got pregnant and had an abortion. I saw him about seven months ago cause he asked my brother for my number even though he is engaged! I had sex with him after trying to be a friend and he told me he looked for me for a long time and he put off getting married about 4 times! I told him I cannot do it any more ause it is not right and I want a man that is single and for me only! His family said that he is not happy and want out of engagement and wants me but I am trying to move on! I need help!!!!

  66. Jen 24 August 2011 at 5:30 pm Permalink

    Ive been dating this guy for 4 years. We have a daughter together and have lived together for 3 years now. Well a month ago I broke up with him because I found out he was talking to other girls online. I feel he never physically cheated but I know he was emotionally cheating. Well, he wants to work things out and try to get back to where we were. We dont live together anymore and he calls me daily or throws me a text. He tells me daily he loves me. But he gave me a poor excuse to why he talked to other girls(he was mad at me) but it was not once it was going on for a month. I saw the emails. His mother passed away over a month ago and thats when he really started to act strange and distant. I figured it was because all he was going through. I was there for him when he needed me but then when he got distant I felt I needed to give him space so I did. He said he felt I wasnt there for him. Well why didnt he just talk to me instead of talk to others? I feel this is another bad excuse, because he was talking to others before she passed.
    So I thought okay we will work it out because I love him and care for him and thought we were going to be a family. But he hasnt shown me anything to regain the trust, nor show me that he wants to be with me. All he does is want to be with me 1 day a week it seems and tells me he loves me. Not that he misses me, or he wants to work things out because he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He talks no future goals if we work it out.
    So I told him I started looking at single websites and signed up because it helps keep my mind off of him. He didnt seem to really care. When I talk abotu dating he tells me if thats what I want to do then do me.
    I feel like he is stringing me along, and I have no clue why. He sees his daughter 3-4 days a week. I try to avoid his texts and calls but I cave in and text back. I have been lacking in telling him back I love him. I just say, okay ttyl.
    When i try to talk about us getting back together and start working on our relationship he says he wants to get a job first(he has been unemployed for a few months now) then we will work on us. I dont give him money, but I did when we were together. I told him not to ask me for money, and he hasnt but still calls and texts me and wants to spend time with me and our daughter.
    I wrote the good and bad list and have more bad then good. And I feel deep down i should walk away, but my love gets caught up. I wish he would just tell me, I am sorry I hurt you but I dont think we are working out. I will be like, cool. And be done with it. but no, he says if I dont want to try to work it out I wouldnt be spending time with you.
    He sucks at communication, always have. He isnt good with his feelings. He brought up marriage twice this year so for all of this was a slap int he face.
    I dont trust him being single either. He tells me he isnt talking or seeing anyone. But if I cant trust you while dating you, why would I while you are single? Show me I can returst you again???

  67. Depressed 25 August 2011 at 3:58 pm Permalink

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. We recently broke up last week over some stupid fight. I was too upset to talk to him so I waited about 3 days later to try and contact him because it was his birthday. It has been a week now and I’m missing him like crazy! I still love him so much! He has blocked my number so he does not receive calls or texts from me. He has also block me on every online messaging system. I want him back really bad but I don’t know what to do… Recently, he has been talking to me more lately. I told him I wanted to see him to talk, but he can’t because his mom is always home (His parents don’t like me because of some accident & my parents don’t like him in general and both side hates eachother) so I couldn’t go over to his place and his mom won’t let him out anyways. He said he doesn’t like me anymore or that he hates me or not ready to date. Just really hurtful stuff when he calls me. Sometimes he would still call me ‘babe’. Lately, he’s become nicer. He knows I love dark chocolate and said he bought some especially for me. He also said he’s going to find a way to see me and when I say that I miss him, he says he misses me too. Then last nights phone call, he starts saying how I was a disappointment because I didn’t say happy birthday to him, exactly on that day. Then he said I have changed alot and I’m dishonest and he can’t trust me anymore. Then he said I don’t make him happy and someone else will. That made me cry. Then we argued over texts because I said I didn’t want to let him go. He said he wasn’t going to talk to me for a while until after our supposedly anniversary. Then he blocked me again. Then tonight, it was thundering and he called me to check up on me to see if I was okay (I’m scared of thunder and lightning) then he asked me about my day and told me about his. Then he asked me if I wanted him to call me later on tonight. I’m so confused. Does he like me? And what can I do to save this relationship?

    & also, last week i got some of my friends messaging him to talk to me or I just tell them to pass on a message for me because I had no way to contact him.

  68. Patty 5 September 2011 at 3:19 am Permalink

    My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. The first 2 weeks were hard and I had hopes that we could patch things up and get back together. Last week friday I finally decided to let go completely: as if sensing that I had done so, he starts calling several times and telling me how much he misses and loves me but that the constant fighting between us is what drove him away. He keeps making me feel like I am just a very difficult person and enjoyed fighting with him. He contributed to the fights but won’t take responsibility for that. He always tells me that if he found out that I slept with another man, he would be very hurt…I don’t get it? He broke up with me and why should he care who I sleep with? I feel like getting a job in another country because I still love him but I don’t enjoy these games he’s playing. Surely people break up and communicate but when is it REALLY over? I don’t want to spend like 2 years, even months going around in circles. Why do men do this?

  69. Nik 5 September 2011 at 4:22 am Permalink

    I LOVE your book. Thank you I already feel tons better. You have a gift for writing and I enjoy the way it’s organized. Thank God, moving on with my day with confidence! :)

  70. rick 28 October 2011 at 2:20 pm Permalink

    My situation is rather complicated, and would really appreciate some help.

    This started 10 years ago, she wasn’t my ex, we had strong feelings for each other and we were very close together, but for some reason we didn’t end up together. After that, we moved on with our lives. I studied abroad and continue pursuing my career abroad.

    We kept in contact every now and then throughout these years, and during my recent trip back, we meet up and things got a little physical between us. We are both attached atm, and she had been going through some tough times for the past few years. We both are experiencing some unhappiness in our own relationship, and we wish we could be together somehow. Although I have plans to move back home in the near future, but I simply cannot afford to do so immediately as my career is taking off. To have her moving over is also impossible due to residency requirements and job prospect.

    I’m really confused now as to what I should do. Please share your thoughts.

    • Annemarie 17 January 2012 at 1:28 pm Permalink

      Leave it alone for now. You should wait until you go home, if it is meant to be. It will be. Also if you both are cheating on your current relationships then you really shouldn’t be in them. In my experience people who are looking around with past or present flirtations are doing this because the current partner’s are not the one. Don’t force these things. Still if you have both waited this long. It must be meant to be. Don’t give up on your dreams (work wise) as if it doesn’t work out. What a waste of time it will be.

      N.B if you read this and think, I cannot wait until later in the future to pursue it. Do what you need to, to get home. It is meant to be.

  71. DAISY 17 January 2012 at 4:51 am Permalink

    I love him alot of years but I don’t know he can feel or not now he don’t have already

  72. steven 20 January 2012 at 12:20 pm Permalink

    HI! Never posted on a forum but turn to the net for advice on regular basis. Fantastic people can share their experiences and help strangers.

    I am 32 years of age and met the woman of my dreams(33). Everything was perfect, she met my family very early, I met hers and we both get along well with them. Our interests are so similar, I have never met anyone who enjoys the same things I do. She even plays golf and plays well. Having said that there are enough differences to make things interesting.

    She was single for about 5 years before we met. It really was a love at first sight relationship. I was the one who attempted to move slow but she told me that she had finally met the one, that she has never felt like this about anyone, not even her ex of five years and that she loves me. Everything was fantastic (on both sides) then out of nowhere we had our first argument. It was a misunderstanding on her part but she ran with it (silly matter about me wanting to be around her all the time).

    See we work different hours, so would see each other maybe once midweek and Saturday and Sunday. Then she had leave from work and I had some time off so we spent most days together. I was always honest but I was doing things I thought she wanted me to do and because she did not communicate she ended up feeling smothered. She was use to having her leave to herself, she plans what she is going to do around house etc etc. but because this time I was there all the time, i think she freaked out and pulled the trigger.

    The thing is I was making an effort to see her all the time because that is what I thought she wanted, i was off work and i thought she wanted us to make the most of the time we had before we both went back to work.

    When she broke up, she said something like her personality is stronger and that i am too mentally fragile for her strong personality. SO NOT true, I was so strong, i comforted her while she sobbed and broke it off with me. I was telling her that it will all be ok and not too worry. I could see in her eyes that she didn’t want to do it but she is stubborn, had a feeling, had come to my place to do it, so was sticking with it. she kept hugging me and kissing me and left in tears. I remained calm and decided to have no contact, to give her space and see what happens.

    The thing is she has messaged me everyday, including the day she left my place. I kept it light and at no point begged her to come back or told her I was hurting etc. there was even some flirting in messages etc. and she would contact to see how I am, how I went at golf, let me know something she has done etc etc. All this led me to believe that she just needed break to see what she had.

    Two days ago she invited me to her house (first physical contact in two weeks), had present from xmas she hadn’t given yet and said come for drink and watch some tv etc.

    It was on this night that she confirmed her decision to not be together and didn’t want to give me any hope that we ever would be. I told her to not message me for a while, so she can have some time to herself. she messaged later that night and then the next day, saying sorry i know i am not suppose to etc but confirmed seeing single status on facebook really did hurt ( i changed when I left her place). she then said i hope you cracked it at golf.

    I am so confused, I want to be with her, I believe deep down she does with me and I cant enforce no contact because she contacts me and I do not want to ignore.

  73. jayjay 7 March 2012 at 1:49 pm Permalink

    hi 3 mnths into seperation after 30yr marriage we have got back in contact he has been super affetionate buying lingerie and we have had special dates his place massages hot pools etc we have had seceral nights of intense physical activity i know he is missing me and he is not involved with any one else he is keeping it quiet from his (interferring) parents do es any one think i stand a chance of renewing our marriage or should i just walk away and stop things now we have three adult kids and one g child he said he still loves me but not in love with me when he walked out i did not want the seperation but was left with no choice at the time as he had already made plans to be on his own etc i want there to be hope … together as husband and wife or apart he is 49 and i am 47 i say it serious mlc

  74. Sean 21 March 2012 at 5:37 am Permalink

    My ex girlfriend broke up with me. I’m 90% sure of the reason why, this reason being my mistakes that she was waiting for me to fix but never did. Now that we have been broke up for a week, I have stopped contact with her. I didn’t text her or respond to her texts for 2.5 days. She would text me a few times then call me. With no response from me she would then text my sister asking how I was doing and also texting my friend trying to get as much info as possible. She would say she is worried about me. On the night of no contact for 2.5 days she showed up where I live, she has a few things still to get, but always seems to leave a little each time. She said she was worried about me and things like that, never mentioning about getting her things until later. She acted slightly jealous at the thought of me possibly having a girlfriend and so she asked, which I don’t, so I said I don’t. When I try to bring to her attention the way she is acting towards me, like she is still somewhat my girlfriend and like I’m the one that broke things off, she gets defensive and smirks the idea away. I love this girl with all my heart and want nothing more than to be with her, we also have two little boys together. She has said this isn’t really what she wanted, but felt this was the right decision. We were together for 8 years and this is the second time she has left me. The first reason due to me having a drug issue. I told her I don’t want to be friends because I love her too much to be her friend and this slightly upsets her, though she says she understands. I act like I’m not too bothered by the breakup when we see eachother even though I’m dying inside. I’m now trying to get all the things figured out that needed to be when we were still together. Her mom doesn’t care for me, because she expects more out of me, although we are always decent towards eachother. My ex always says she cares for me and will always love me when we see eachother, she also has a hard time not becoming emotional. I feel like she is trying to force the feelings she has for me away. What do you think and what can I do? Thanks.


  75. S 22 January 2013 at 4:22 pm Permalink

    i broke up with my ex a month ago, it was 5 years relationship. he started to work (he works out of town, he will be back in town once in 2 weeks), im graduating. and he said that he wants to focus on work & not having any relationship now, and if he does, he said that relationship must be serious coz we are like several years to age of getting marriage. he said he wasnt sure that we are going to get married because we had differences in believe, religion, principal, the way we think, and finally he said he thinks that our relationship wasnt serious, so he lost interest in me bcoz he thought our relationship isnt going anywhere. but i really thought we could last & get marry someday coz im serious about our relationship, and yes there are issues like he mentioned above but i always thought we could work on it. i said that to him and he said to me something like “we should really be single right now, you & i can pursue our own dreams, and maybe after years if we meet again, maybe we can see what could happen between us, just think about it for now”. the thing is i once told him that i had dreams to go abroad & everything and he kinda not agree about it, but honestly i was over that dream since i started to study i have a new goal which i havent told him or anyone else coz its really different from what i always wanted, but i just said “ok, i will think about it” since there are others issue that need to think about in our relationship. so, we mantain contacting each other like usual, i am the first person he texted in the morning and the last person he texted at night. but since this isnt a relationship i kinda dont know what to do, i dont wanna push him, coz he said he lost interest in me, needed space time and want to focus on work, i also still figure out what i wanna pursue after graduating. but this is gotta stop, its like a love relationship but its not. im torn apart coz i dont know what our relationship status, on the other hand i think he is enjoying it. what should i do then?

  76. mark 23 January 2014 at 10:45 am Permalink

    hi i broke it off with my gf 2 weeks ago because she said that her friends are her number one priority and always will be but she said she still loves me she has also planned to for along time to go traveling this year so both of those things sort of put abit of tension on the relationship we had a heated argument and then at the heat of the moment i just said ‘were done’ anyways a couple hrs later after i had cooled down i sent her a text saying that im sorry and that what was said in the argument wasn’t meant and that i love her she replied saying that i hurt her emotionally and that it has knocked her feeling for me so a couple days had gone by with me appolagising and she still says her feelings for me have dropped due to the arguments so i went and seen her the other day and we had a long chat and i had admitted that i may have been abit harsh in the argument and i said non of it was meant and that it was just words sent in the heat of the moment told her how much she meant to me and how much i still loved her and then asked would she be prepared to give it another go at first she said know so we had another little chat and then she said she would think about us giving it another go but she will let me know in a week anyway before i left her house that day she said that when i first got there she sort of hated me for hurting her feelings but as the day went on she said her feelings had started coming back up abit but she will let me know her decision on monday we still text a couple of times a day say good morning and good night like we allways have but when i text her saying i love you i very rairly get it said back unless i say it a couple of times but then i think she is only saying because im going on lol i asked her today if there is any change in her feelings or if she has any sort of idea what the outcome will be on monday and she keeps saying she has been busy so she hasnt had time to think about it and that she doesnt know what her decision will be on monday. thing is she is going out and seeing her friend and on saturday she is going out on the town with aload of her friends. am i being stringed along?? i really love this girl and think im slightly blined by that reason anybody got any advice??

  77. Michelle 4 August 2014 at 2:06 am Permalink

    My ex and I have been apart now for 7 months. The break up came from not committing to him and moving down to his area. We were together for 2 yrs and it was a relationship where he was I guess controlling in the fact he wanted me to be part of his life and his friends. During the first 6 months he’s feeling we’re so strong but I kept the relationship at a slow pace. His behaviour started to change course. We seem to work this though, he found out I had a large disposit to buy a property and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to buy the flat I was living in. I knew that if I stayed in my area it would put a strain on the relationship, I got a survey on the flat and it had lots of problems subsidence, roof damage. I decided not to buy it and was then evicted out of the flat. I didn’t feel ready to move with him and I guess I didn’t want to hurt my long standing friend who he didn’t understand our friendship together, I’ve know him for 18yrs. I guess it’s not easy for the other person. But I all felt I didn’t know what to do at the time so I moved to my mums.

    My dad died 3 months later, it was a difficult death. I am the only one in contact with him, my mum gave up on him after 41 yrs of his addiction to drink. Which he died of in the end. He was found 10 days after he died by a friend of his when I was worried I couldn’t get hold of him. It was such a difficult time I was grieving and had to go aboard to sort out his cremation as he live in. I’m still dealing with the legal work for his asserts. In the month of Nov it was his birthday and he was so cold and indifferent, I was still all over the place after coming back from dealing with a mad funeral director who was making money, when people are there most vulnerable.

    My ex I guess didn’t know how to handle the situation and 5 days before Christmas he was very angry and said the most hurtful things to end it, saying it had nothing to do with my dads death and losing the flat I just wouldn’t commit and we were going round in circles and wouldn’t commit in buying something.
    felt the grief again of loss.

    He started to text me at the end of Jan saying he missed me but its the situation we are both in and it had to be done. That it wasn’t what he wanted. We have been off and on in contact. It’s been hard living at my mums I feel I have gone

    I bought the ex recovery system from Ashely, it has helped me to understand the whole concept of what your ex does and how to stick to a plan, which I’m glad I have used, you cannot control free will.

    It’s taken me on a roller costa of emotions. I missed him so much, he does the push/pull with me, texting then not hearing, ringing then not hearing, and it was confusing. I was using the indirect method to get response and at times this was working. We started speaking on the phone more around April. He finally agreed to meet, and I arrange a cabaret night for us to go but couldn’t get tickets till the end of May,

    I met up with a friend of mine we got back in touch, I hadn’t seen her for about 20yrs, she found me online, anyway she lives in the same area as my ex and she found out he’s been seeing someone for 8 months officially got together in Dec, I found out he also invested a cafe with her. It all made sense, she has a 6yr old child and I was quite surprised who he was seeing, as I was always put down that I should look good and keep myself looking my best with makeup on.

    I was going to go to the cabaret evening and confront it with him. But I couldn’t do it, and when he made some excuse he didn’t have the money to come up although the tickets were paid for, I said ‘don’t worry’. Its as though I couldn’t see him either, with all the bullshit of not knowing what he wants.

    He’s said he’s recently tan himself off of Facebook, its blocked but I have already seen a picture of both of them together on her face book page. He still contacts me, saying he hasn’t got time to be in a relationship. It’s a god send I know what’s really happening otherwise I would of been so confused.

    I’m not sure why I can’t let go, I miss him so much and sometimes blame myself for pushing him into another relationship. I told before I left on Holiday that I’m tired of situation, and he said well don’t answer my calls and texts. He said we both can’t let go. When I got back, he had some insurance papers and said he would meet up to give it to me, which I though it was a bit strange as he could of just posted it. He also asked if I met anyone on Hoilday.

    I didn’t know wether I should go, he said he could only meet me for a couple of hours and didn’t want to talk about the break up or what happening with the relationship. I was in to minds to tell him just post it, but I guess perhaps it could help me with whether I still wanted him back or to help with closure.

    I followed Ashely advice with the first meet up and it helped, thanks Ashely, I made sure I got there earlier than him as he always complained I was late, because of my dizzy ness, I made sure I looked good, sexy.

    I held his hand when we walked and he found it difficult to be close to me, he was being his charming self ‘predictable an arsehole’. I couldn’t really read wether he still felt something for me, there was mixed messages. I wasn’t sure myself how I felt, although it was though the relationship we had wasn’t there anymore. He paced the meet up how he wanted it to go. I was conscious of the time and said, do you need to go, thinking he’s got to get back for her. Although he said it was about getting back before rush hour. He said he’s fine and doesn’t need to go yet. All quite strange, we had something to eat, he asked me if I told myself or my friend I was seeing him, I said my sister knew, he said I bet she hates me, I said my friend wouldn’t really approve but my sister was ok. He said why I bet its what you told her about me. I couldn’t help myself and sad she knows all about you. He asked me again if I was on Facebook. I said yes.

    I felt I couldn’t tell him I know your seeing someone, I was mixed in my emotion that he couldn’t tell me, that he can’t be honest, but didn’t I want to hear it?

    We waled to the station where I waited for him to get his train, he axed me again for the Holiday picture which was the last Holiday I went on. I had been holding back as I knew there wouldn’t be nothing else he would need from me, I had on the disc I gave him the pictures and a written apology letter, ‘ Ashely calls it the magic eraser’ I wasn’t sure whether he deserved the disc, but I felt I had to take some ownership from the breakdown of the relationship, and said to him to only read it if he’s ready too. I stood close behind him to keep warm, he turned round and said his train is going and he kissed me, we kissed a couple of times. We didn’t arrange to meet again, he said when he’s finished with the disc he’ll give it back in person, I was bit confused but laughed. I was disappointed that he didn’t bring my top he promised to bring, but he said he was rushing out and nearly forgot the insurance papers.

    I said good bye and left. As I got onto the tube I broken down and cried, I was really strong up to now. I don’t really know what’s going on, I think I was saying goodbye in my own way, but didn’t want to at the same time. It’s funny the apology letter didn’t have the last sentence of ‘please give me another chance’ I just put, ‘ I guess I needed to draw a line on the pass and I am looking forward to the present. I also put that I am happy for you if you are happy with the situation your in.

    He text me to say he got home, them he rang me to make sure I got home properly, all a bit strange, I wasn’t expecting to here from him.

    It’s the weekend and I’m guessing he’s with her, it’s been a bit emotional, so its really helped reading everyone’s else’s replies.

    I don’t really know what to do, can you please help to what’s going on and what I should do.. Do we have a second chance i.e. is it worth fighting for, or should I just walk away, and cut all contact and get on with my life.

    I’m intending to go back into no contact, unless he contacts me, but he might not.

    Sorry for the long email, its been a bit complicated to explain fully the circumstances.

    I guessing your thinking break all contact?

    Please help

    Thanks M 😉

Leave a Reply