I recently got this question on my Facebook wall:
Pi Thar asks:
“How can I make my ex girlfriend want to return to me after she has moved on with another guy??????”
Great question Pi!
And sadly, it’s much TOO common nowadays.
Look, the truth is most women will ONLY comfortably leave a man when she has another guy “waiting” on the sidelines.
Unless your woman is super independent and confident, the truth is most women just don’t like to be alone.
Now, that may sound like bad news for you, but let’s look at things from HER point of view…
1. If she left you, then that tells me that she wasn’t getting her most important needs met.
2. Most women have orbiters (male friends who hang around them) who will happily take over the role of comforting her and giving her what she wants.
If she has jumped ship – from you to new guy rather quickly – then often it’s because this new guy simply came along at the right time…
It doesn’t mean her feelings for him will LAST.
Actually, most rebounds are short-lived for a reason. The main purpose of a rebound boyfriend is often to comfort a woman while she goes through a very difficult transition in her life.
While you are someone who constantly argues with her or makes her unhappy, this new guy is the exact opposite of that.
HE understands her…
HE listens to her…
HE gives her the attention and affection she needs…
It’s like she got herself a new blanket to comfort herself with at night because the old one were full of holes, had a funky smell and resembled a dead animal on the side of the road…
Ok that may be a tad exaggerated…
Anyway, my point is, this new guy is her way of COPING with her emotional needs and unhappiness.
Now, the GOOD news…
You had her heart once,
She loved YOU and YOU only,
She was loyal to only YOU at one point in her life.
And women’s emotional memories are SHARP as a whistle.
We remember EVERYTHING.. especially when there are emotions attached to the memory.
The good news is, you don’t need to RECREATE completely new emotions and new connections between you and her.
It is ALREADY there in her memory.
Your job is simply to TAP into it and UNLEASH it back to the present…
You know how women get teary eyed and all emotional after watching romantic movies, and guys are often dragged to see these movies and end up sitting there bored?
It’s because women put THEMSELVES into the characters of the movie.
We imagine what it would feel like to BE the girl who gets the guy, or to BE the girl who gets her heart broken, or BE the girl who gets romanced and swept away by that charming guy on the screen.
We see these images and we really feel it in our hearts, it could be us.
Guys often complain that women SAY this is what we want, but when it is actually presented to us by a real guy, we aren’t exactly falling all over him.
Remember, CONTEXT and the LEAD UP to a great romantic gesture is just as important as the romantic gesture itself.
For women, it’s all about playing a part in a story and going on an adventure.
Trust me, these are the things that TURN US ON.
Okay, so how can you use this to STEAL her back from this new “rebound” guy who has temporarily stolen her attention away from you?
Do you REALLY want to know…
Are you sure?
Okay I’ll stop teasing.. 😛
… You Tell Her a New Story About You
Did I mention that women love story, drama and adventure? Well there, I’ve said it again. We LOVE that stuff.
So, imagine you’re playing part in a movie. Looking at your life now… are you the lead character or are you a secondary character?
In other words, do you feel like you’re in charge or that someone or something else is in charge of you?
And is this life looking exciting? .. Or a bit dull?
Get clear on what you’re striving towards and what your greater goals are.
Women want to see a man with ambitions and a vision for the future. They want to know that if they choose this man, this man is capable of figuring out problems and also can look after her.
The first thing you do is:
* Be cool and confident around her
* Be completely okay that she is seeing someone else
* Show off your achievements/your vision
* Direct her instead of allow her to direct you
You get her to seek YOU for attention, approval, ideas, support etc
…by demonstrating that you are someone who is outside the “problem”.
You’re the guy who makes her laugh, who is passionate and excited about the future, who cares about the people around him, who knows what he wants and what his boundaries are, the guy other women want to date and be with… you’re a “catch”.
You’re not going to act like a supportive boyfriend who listens to all her problems… especially when she has the rebound guy for that (good for him?)
No, you’re the guy who offers something exciting, fun and SEXY in her mundane, dull and problem-ridden life!
And who knows her better than you?!
So, these are FORBIDDEN:
* Getting emotional
* Losing your temper
(If you do these now, start and STAY in No Contact until you ARE the person I mentioned above)
And these are also forbidden:
* Doing everything she asks you to do like a love sick puppy dog
* Answering her calls at all hours of the day and night
* Sending her love letters or love texts
* Supporting her when she has a guy who is ALSO supporting her … Come on, why are you doing this to yourself?!
And please, don’t wait for her to make up her mind about who she wants to be with, make it FOR her!
You might want to read that last point again…
Do NOT act like her emotionally supportive boyfriend when she is with ANOTHER GUY!
And if she can’t decide who to be with, don’t even WAIT for her to make up her mind, MAKE IT FOR HER!
Remember, direct her don’t allow her to direct you.
Okay, so what are you waiting for?
Start doing something RIGHT NOW.
Whether it’s writing down your goals…
Hitting the gym…
Deleting that love letter you’ve been wanting to send…
Whatever it is, start doing it!
Okay, I’ll be back with more…
Want to ask a question like Pi?
Just “LIKE” my Facebook page and post your question on here : http://www.facebook.com/ashleyk.advice