26 January 2012 ~ 19 Comments

How to Make Your Ex Girlfriend Want You Back When She’s With Another Guy

Ashley here,

I recently got this question on my Facebook wall:

Pi Thar asks:
“How can I make my ex girlfriend want to return to me after she has moved on with another guy??????”

Great question Pi!

And sadly, it’s much TOO common nowadays.

Look, the truth is most women will ONLY comfortably leave a man when she has another guy “waiting” on the sidelines.

Unless your woman is super independent and confident, the truth is most women just don’t like to be alone.

Now, that may sound like bad news for you, but let’s look at things from HER point of view…

1. If she left you, then that tells me that she wasn’t getting her most important needs met.

2. Most women have orbiters (male friends who hang around them) who will happily take over the role of comforting her and giving her what she wants.

If she has jumped ship – from you to new guy rather quickly – then often it’s because this new guy simply came along at the right time…

It doesn’t mean her feelings for him will LAST.

Actually, most rebounds are short-lived for a reason. The main purpose of a rebound boyfriend is often to comfort a woman while she goes through a very difficult transition in her life.

While you are someone who constantly argues with her or makes her unhappy, this new guy is the exact opposite of that.

HE understands her…
HE listens to her…
HE gives her the attention and affection she needs…

It’s like she got herself a new blanket to comfort herself with at night because the old one were full of holes, had a funky smell and resembled a dead animal on the side of the road…

Ok that may be a tad exaggerated…

Anyway, my point is, this new guy is her way of COPING with her emotional needs and unhappiness.

Now, the GOOD news…

You had her heart once,
She loved YOU and YOU only,
She was loyal to only YOU at one point in her life.

And women’s emotional memories are SHARP as a whistle.

We remember EVERYTHING.. especially when there are emotions attached to the memory.

The good news is, you don’t need to RECREATE completely new emotions and new connections between you and her.

It is ALREADY there in her memory.

Your job is simply to TAP into it and UNLEASH it back to the present…

You know how women get teary eyed and all emotional after watching romantic movies, and guys are often dragged to see these movies and end up sitting there bored?

It’s because women put THEMSELVES into the characters of the movie.

We imagine what it would feel like to BE the girl who gets the guy, or to BE the girl who gets her heart broken, or BE the girl who gets romanced and swept away by that charming guy on the screen.

We see these images and we really feel it in our hearts, it could be us.

Guys often complain that women SAY this is what we want, but when it is actually presented to us by a real guy, we aren’t exactly falling all over him.


Remember, CONTEXT and the LEAD UP to a great romantic gesture is just as important as the romantic gesture itself.

For women, it’s all about playing a part in a story and going on an adventure.

Trust me, these are the things that TURN US ON.

Okay, so how can you use this to STEAL her back from this new “rebound” guy who has temporarily stolen her attention away from you?

Do you REALLY want to know…

Are you sure?

Okay I’ll stop teasing.. 😛

… You Tell Her a New Story About You

Did I mention that women love story, drama and adventure? Well there, I’ve said it again. We LOVE that stuff.

So, imagine you’re playing part in a movie. Looking at your life now… are you the lead character or are you a secondary character?

In other words, do you feel like you’re in charge or that someone or something else is in charge of you?

And is this life looking exciting? .. Or a bit dull?

Get clear on what you’re striving towards and what your greater goals are.

Women want to see a man with ambitions and a vision for the future. They want to know that if they choose this man, this man is capable of figuring out problems and also can look after her.

The first thing you do is:

* Be cool and confident around her
* Be completely okay that she is seeing someone else
* Show off your achievements/your vision
* Direct her instead of allow her to direct you

You get her to seek YOU for attention, approval, ideas, support etc

…by demonstrating that you are someone who is outside the “problem”.

You’re the guy who makes her laugh, who is passionate and excited about the future, who cares about the people around him, who knows what he wants and what his boundaries are, the guy other women want to date and be with… you’re a “catch”.

You’re not going to act like a supportive boyfriend who listens to all her problems… especially when she has the rebound guy for that (good for him?)

No, you’re the guy who offers something exciting, fun and SEXY in her mundane, dull and problem-ridden life!

And who knows her better than you?!

So, these are FORBIDDEN:
* Begging
* Crying
* Getting emotional
* Losing your temper

(If you do these now, start and STAY in No Contact until you ARE the person I mentioned above)

And these are also forbidden:

* Doing everything she asks you to do like a love sick puppy dog
* Answering her calls at all hours of the day and night
* Sending her love letters or love texts
* Supporting her when she has a guy who is ALSO supporting her … Come on, why are you doing this to yourself?!

And please, don’t wait for her to make up her mind about who she wants to be with, make it FOR her!

You might want to read that last point again…

Do NOT act like her emotionally supportive boyfriend when she is with ANOTHER GUY!

And if she can’t decide who to be with, don’t even WAIT for her to make up her mind, MAKE IT FOR HER!

Remember, direct her don’t allow her to direct you.

Okay, so what are you waiting for?

Start doing something RIGHT NOW.

Whether it’s writing down your goals…
Hitting the gym…
Deleting that love letter you’ve been wanting to send…
Whatever it is, start doing it!

Okay, I’ll be back with more…

Best wishes!


Want to ask a question like Pi?
Just “LIKE” my Facebook page and post your question on here : http://www.facebook.com/ashleyk.advice

19 Responses to “How to Make Your Ex Girlfriend Want You Back When She’s With Another Guy”

  1. Shawn Ellis 27 January 2012 at 12:42 pm Permalink

    Good article and nice site by the way. Those are great tips you gave, especially the FORBIDDEN tips. Those are common mistakes that many people make with trying to get back with their ex.

    • Yianni 31 January 2012 at 1:56 pm Permalink

      Indeed those are very natural mistakes. Which even said otherwise, you end up making… Which my ex has also a depression problem makes it for me 3x harder to pinpoint her future actions… she broke up with me in September, since then it was rocky cause of her condition, be a friend, be away, be a friend, im sick, etc.. been now month and half she completely Cut it ( takes antideps) so yeah… I did all mistakes up round mid october.. when she started saying ” We might or will in future when ill be better be together ingggg , damn it sucked me in ) :(

  2. benjamin 28 January 2012 at 2:39 am Permalink

    hey there ashley, my gf is going overseas to study next year for maybe 3 years and she wants to break up 2 weeks ago becos she wans to heal in time for next year so she doesnt have an emotional baggage.. i understand her point and wonder if i shld still send the letter to her? i mean i would wan her to still love me when she goes overseas and when shes back after 3 years we would be back tgt.. how shld i go abt doing that

  3. Adkins 1 February 2012 at 4:44 pm Permalink

    My ex girlfriend has this banner on her facebook that says, I’m happily married. WTF. She’s leading me on. Does she make me jealous? I don’t know. What should I do?

  4. Andrew 4 February 2012 at 12:05 pm Permalink

    my ex and I broke up in October but continued seeing each other as if we were still together until mid december..3 weeks later she was in another relationship! We argued a lot over little things but still cared for each other! we were together around 6 months..After I found out about her new bf I msged her telling her about how I felt and the feelings I had for her and I was happy for her and her new relationship! Its now been around 3 weeks since Ive spoken to her..What should I do? msg her? saying what? keep no contact for a bit longer? All help appreciated :)

  5. Helo Jessy 15 March 2012 at 7:21 am Permalink

    Ver nice article. Thx. Very worthy. Keep doing it.

  6. D. E. H. 10 April 2012 at 5:56 am Permalink

    Ashely I made all of the wrong mistake as mentioned above. I was in a four year year live relationship with a women that I was in love with. In the begining the relationship was great and exciting. We meet each other familes and traveled together on different occassion. We had some problems in the relationship because in the back of my mind I moved into her home and she had been married three different time and I noticed that she would get angry with me at times. I felt that she didn’t cope with things well in the relationship as far as arguments and disagreements. I had my faults also but the anger issue with her was strong. I like to talk things out and solve the in a cordial way. I was put out at least five times but she would let me come back locks changed door locked the whole nine yards but I loved her. At the end of Janurary we broke up. Now she doesn’t call me . I used the no contact rule for three weeks. I have a new apartment and all plus moving in the right direction. I just wanted to a face to face meeting because over the phone breakup doesnt seem right.A that period of time 4 years. I’m not sure if this is permanent or temporary. I feel seeing her in person short period moving on would be easier for me. I’m just not sure about this decision that was made. Ther was a simple argument about her son moving in the house and lead to this breakup.I feel that this is A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING AND COMMUNICATION PROBLEM. BUT SHE WON’T TALK TO ME. HOW COULD I OR WE RESOLVE THIS MATTER. I WANT TO MOVE ON WITH A CLEAR HEAD AND CONSCIENCE AFTER SEEING HER I WOULD FEEL A LOT BETTER AT LEAST I WOULD KNOW MENTALLY HOW TO MOVE ON MAYBE MY QUESTION WOULD BE ANSWER . BUT NOT TALKING TO A PERSON AFTER A BREAKUP OR JUST CUTTING THEM OFF MAKES YOU THINK. I WANTED TO GET BACK WITH HER A FIRST BUT SHE DIDN.T WANT TO TAKE THE CHANCE OF LETTING ME BACK INTO THE HOUSE BECAUSE OF PAST CHANCES. I DON.T CARE IF SHE IS SEEING SOMEONE ELSE IT’ S PROBABLY A REBOUND RELATIONSHIP. YOUR ADVICE AND VIDEOS ARE VERY HELPFUL. PLEASE RESPOND WHEN YOU GET TIME. THANK YOU

    • Deb 10 March 2014 at 1:22 pm Permalink

      This sounds like HELL!
      maybe you’d be better off spending your time figuring out WHY you want to be in a relationship w someone who treats you like TOTAL CRAP.

      Sometimes it’s best to hold onto your SANITY and SELF-RESPECT and let the RELATIONSHIP GO.


  7. ABDUL SAMIU 18 April 2012 at 6:03 pm Permalink

    i’m in a relationship for two years,suddenly my G.F get bored when i am with her.i want know wrong.plis help me.

  8. edgar 24 April 2012 at 5:46 am Permalink

    great article but wahat if it doesnt work like what if its been six months that we ve been single an like im guessing its recent that she has a bf i dont know cuz she dont talk to me were friends but how do i know that she might fall for that guy an to be honest in my opion it doesnt seem like a rebound relationship well i really dont if it is or not but yeahh after reading this article you wrote actually made me feel much better and stuff like what if she loves her new bf which i dont know cuz we dont talk were friends but like you said stay out of conacnt which ive done please reply back asap

  9. richard downs 12 March 2013 at 4:09 pm Permalink

    I was sitting in living when my spouse annonces to me, Im tired of being married, I want a divorce,get out! Floored me. we have been married 25 years. Within 2 weeks she was having an affair . I love my wife very much and can forgive the affair, but also want her back. S says that will never happen. Help?

  10. Darin 27 July 2013 at 6:35 pm Permalink

    Aw, this was a very good post. Finding the time and
    actual effort to generate a top notch article… but what can I say…
    I put things off a whole lot and don’t seem to get nearly anything done.

  11. George 1 August 2013 at 5:34 pm Permalink

    Lately, my ex, who’s been in a rebound relationship for a couple of months now, has invited me over a few times. Two weeks ago was when it started. At the time she entertained thoughts of us getting back together, but otherwise, she always tells me otherwise. There’s some friendly affection between us. She always apologizes for hurting me and says that she and her 10-year-old son love both me and the rebound guy. It sounds like I might have a chance, but it seems like I’m walking a fine line.

  12. Mike 8 November 2013 at 10:20 pm Permalink

    I my case The girlfriend finished after 3 years and started seeing a man 12 years older who has nothing going for him except a salesman’s charm.
    The breakup as horrible with bawling and head spliting crazy stuff.
    She has been seeing somone for a year and I still want her back as I have changed a great deal. It is all very well keeping away for a while, but even in a small town, how do you go about letting you know you have changed when you never see her. In my case the guy is retired and a grandfather and I suspect he is all over her as he has nothing else to do. He is no doupt running her life and making sure that she will never be running in to me.

  13. Mike V 4 January 2014 at 9:58 am Permalink

    I feel like I’ve seen these stories over and over again. even looking at them i see my own story in them. My relationship ended about 6-7 months ago. She begged me back several times and i didn’t go back because of my feeling that, I had failed her. She is now with a guy for a month maybe two now. her family hates him, He has a history of violence how ever much she wants to justify it. Today I got that “I want to be with him”. We had lost two pregnancies and moving in together fell through which helped in my feelings of failure. I couldn’t tell her any of this then so I lost her… We have had a couple of conversations where she had admitted that she stills loves me. I don”t know I guess what I’m trying to get is just a release from the hurt. It’s tough, her daughters are like my own and they ask her for me all the time. Do you think that we can get back together ever?

  14. Michael 18 April 2015 at 5:14 pm Permalink

    Does it also apply to exes who have long lasting relationships with their current boyfriends? Like a year or two?

    • Ashley Kay 21 April 2015 at 11:43 pm Permalink

      if the relationship after you is that long taking your ex back would be like taking her current happiness just to get yours. just my 2 cents

  15. Stevie 6 August 2015 at 7:59 am Permalink

    In was once with a woman who I met at my highschool graduation back in 2010 and it seemed like it would work out great until she started messing stunt l around with an ex and it hurt me so many times but I always winded up winning her Bach everytime and we were together off and on 4 years and we have a beautiful daughter together but just back in December a week before Christmas I bought a Wii for her for Christmas and she winded up leaving me as always and she was mean to me anyways but I thought I could change it but I failed at it. And still til this day she’s seing her current boyfriend and pregnant by him and it hurts very bad inside and I don’t know how to take the pain since I was the one who cooked for her and held her when she was crying and I was the one who always told her how much I loved her. I’m still confused and it’s been 8 months since I’ve been with her. I’m hurting inside still. But want to try to fix this and start all over. But I don’t think it’ll happen.

  16. david 8 January 2016 at 12:25 pm Permalink

    I am the rebound and it sucks,however I did figure out after 4months of being the best I could be and it was natural I got close with their kids and her friends seen how good I was to her hell they tol me the truth after she said she needed space now as I hurt I never show her and the fact that she slept with the x husband and hes treating her like shit again makes me see that shes got a lot of confusion . but after a she said space needed I gave it all t her no contact. and now ses calling me all day and its like it was but I cant allow myself to let her back in but we had some awesome things that I don’t think we are ready to give up. im confused .

Leave a Reply