I was doing a brainstorming session last night which lead me to think about the differences between women and men in a relationship. I wanted to jot this down and help out some fellow women out there (or men) on understanding your ex boyfriend and how to get them back.
What do men want and how can you win him back?
Although I know ultimately men and women aren’t much different in the sense that they all want to be loved and appreciated, men care about some things more than women do and same applies the other way around.
Perhaps this will help you in your quest to get your ex-boyfriend back.
Your boyfriend rejected you? Reject him!
I’m not sure why people chase when clearly they are not desired anymore. If your boyfriend has dumped you, the worst thing you can do is appear desperate and start chasing after him like a love-sick puppy.
This is what your chasing means to him:
Ego trip. Suddenly all concerns about whether he made the right choice or not just flew out the window. If you’ve never trained a puppy before you might not be familiar with this concept.
Your chasing and declarations of love just re-enforced his decision to leave you BECAUSE he welcomes all the attention.
Admittedly sometimes they won’t welcome it and guess what that tells you? Either way, appearing desperate and ‘chasing’ is a big NO-NO. Drill it into your heads.
If he dumped you, reject him too!
Rejecting Rejection
Does this mean you’re gonna tell him you won’t accept his decision to break up with you and proceed as if you hadn’t heard him? No it doesn’t mean that. What I mean is, you have to reject the feelings of rejection and most of all reject displaying those feelings to him.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t be sad. Of course you will be. Of course you will hurt. We all do it and your ex most likely will be hurting too.
Rejecting rejection isn’t about rejecting your feelings or bottling those feelings up. However it does mean you need to be careful you don’t overreact in front of your ex and say or do something stupid in the aftermath of the break up.
If You Failed At Being The Best Girlfriend, Be the Best EX Girlfriend
Most likely your ex won’t want to cut all communications with you. Even if they do they might feed you the ‘lets be friends’ speech. So you’re gonna play it cool and act like the best behaved ex-girlfriend your ex has ever seen.
The best ex-girlfriend:
- Keeps her distance because she respect her ex’s decision to break up. She respects his decision because she respects him.
- Knows not to over-step boundaries in their new relationship, which includes no kissing, touching, sex or body massages.
- Knows not to argue, harass or make her ex guilty.
- Wants respect and won’t be treated like a doormat.
- Will be patient and have faith in the relationship.
- Understands the relationship will resume if it was meant to be.
- Will agree to give her ex space and work on fulfilling her own life while she gives him space.
- Will not sleep with his friends or family members just to spite her ex.
- Will not drown herself in alcohol and / or drugs.
- Will not spy or continue to obsess over her ex in her spare time.
In other words, forget him for a while and try to move on with your life in the meantime! Have faith if this love was meant to be, it will come back to you.
Go Online and Read How to Win Your Ex Back Articles
Online articles are great at offering quick and fast advice on what you should do, for example the one you’re reading right now =).
There is a problem with free information however and that is a lot of is quite… well bad.
Not everyone who offers advice will know what they’re talking about and sometimes the advice is just plain bad and damaging for your relationship.
Thankfully there’s a solution for all that.
Online forums are great also but you won’t always find the advice you want (or maybe you just don’t want to accept the advice offered), some great forums that I frequent and urge you to check out are:
Enotalone.com – favourite place for break up advice
Lovingyou.com – friendly people although they can be more ‘harsh’ about it… but truth hurts and they will be honest with you.
LoveShack.org – similar to the above but with more empathy towards the dumped
Men Psychology
I won’t pretend like I understand men and why they do the things they do, but I’ll try to give you the best piece of advice I can tell you about them here.
Men, by nature, are more competitive than women are. While girls are playing with their barbie dolls, boys are out trying to WIN. This could be either in sports, video games or in any kind of competition. (Against other males anyway)
Instinctively they have a drive to compete against other males and want to ‘dominate’ them. Men are also much more visual than women are. By this I mean, they are more stimulated by visuals than women. (Women are more emotion-driven.) Knowing this about your man, you can use this to your advantage.
Pushing those Male Hot Buttons:
Appearances COUNT when you’re dealing with a guy. (Yes it counts if you’re a guy who wants a girl back too, but I think not as much) This is taking into account the fact that guys are much more visual than the female counterpart.
If you’ve really let your appearances go (no make up EVER and baggy sweat pants with over-sized t-shirt kind of bad), stepping up your appearance a few notches to show through your feminine side will score you more points with your ex than you think.
Of course, always BE yourself, just be the upgraded and improved you.
Take advantage of their competitive nature:
This is where taking care of your appearances has a second great benefit.
You see once he sees you have ‘improved‘ your appearances, subconsciously he knows other guys will start to notice and see you differently too. This is where his competitive side will kick in. He will WANT to compete with them and WIN you over first! See what I mean?
It’s a double whammy. Don’t underestimate how effective this can be!
Get the Inside To Match Too!
I don’t mean your kidneys and livers, I mean how well you’ve grown and improved at fulfilling your own life as well.
Seeing this new and improved you will make them wonder what they’ve lost and why they’re not with you anymore.
You should also feel great about yourself and not worry if they come back or not. (Remember if it’s true love, they will come back, just have faith).
Getting That Boy To Talk To You
Of course the tips above won’t really work unless they’re around you to see your improved self, so it’s a good idea to get into contact again. Call him, email him or accidentally bump into him… devise some way of getting into contact and give him the impression you ‘just want to be friends‘, at least for now.
He should be fine with that. Maintaining friendship is important if you want to get to the next stage (getting them back) but remember only when the time is right. You still need to practice the no contact rule for at least a month.
If Nothing Works?
What doesn’t work? The only thing that wouldn’t work is if you don’t do the things you know you should do to better your life right now. Does it matter if he decides to come back or not if you’ve found you don’t need him anymore?
Be happy with yourself and what you DO have. Then you won’t have to beat yourself up if he chooses to go a different path. It’s his lose at the end of the day anyway.
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
hi, so my ex and i were talking for a while and now hes mad because he said im too annoying what should i do to get him to talk to me??
Hi
My exboyfriend adored me for 3 yrs. But we grew apart and now he’s dating another girl who loves him. Its been 4 months and they have become really close. He used to tell me he’s trying to get over me but not anymore. I really really love him and want him back. Please tell me what to do I can’t sleep eat or do anything for 4 months now. I urgently await your reply. Thank you