So you’ve been through the terribly pain of the break up, now you expect everything to be different, but somehow your Ex is STILL acting like you’re in a relationship together.. but the catch is.. you’re NOT!
This is where you’re going to say to yourself.. “What the hell is going on here?!?!”
Amazingly, this is incredibly COMMON, but the bad news is, it can also go on and on for a long time after the break up and NOTHING could happen. It’s you being strung along, as a half friend half love interest.. sort of thing!
Is your ex just stringing you along?
Is your ex leading you on for their own amusement?
Sure-Fire Signs to Look Out For If You’re Worried Your Ex Might Be Leading You On:
- Your ex continues to contact you and want you to do things for them even though they’re in a new relationship.
This is common especially when they know you have deep feelings for them and you don’t want to let go of the relationship. Your Ex could be taking advantage of the situation and merely enjoy the attention they’re getting.
- Your Ex continues to tell you they love you and even want to be physical with you, but when asked for commitment, they back away cold.
This can be very confusing and hurtful. Your ex is enjoying the fact that they can have you whenever they want without the responsibilities of a full relationship. They are hanging onto you until something better comes along. Don’t allow this to continue.
- When you always go out of your way to help your ex but when tables are turned, they leave you fending for yourself.
If all they do is come up with excuses when you need their help, it’s time to rethink what you’re doing. This is a one-sided relationship, what are YOU getting out of it?
When Your Ex is Genuinely Confused About Their Feelings For You
In some instances your ex might really be confused about what they want. Sometimes people hate to admit they were wrong in the first place. Your ex might have feelings for you, they might even think they’ve made a mistake, but they’re uncertain how to tell you. It’s best to get your feelings out in the open and confront your ex. If they’re not just stringing you along, they will honestly not want to hurt you anymore.
Sometimes it’s very common for an Ex to be “on the fence” so to speak and not WANT to make a decision. When this happens, they’ll do what “feels good” in the moment. That might mean, they’ll call you missing you one minute, and then complain about you being coming on strong when they’ve explain how they “just want to be friends”.
It’s NOT a good idea to go around accusing them of the game they’re playing. Sometimes, they’re just not even aware of it, and it’s only a sign of the confused state THEY are in because of the break up.
Want to know how you can make your ex come back to you?And actually WANT to be with you again?
Having a plan to get your ex back is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing because you could easily be lead off track… or into the dreaded “friendzone” for life.
Thankfully, there IS a solution, and it’s not going to cost you an arm and a leg either.. in fact, it’s FREE… but it’s not going to be up for long….
Imagine This… Can you really get your ex back?
When you get to that page, simply enter your Name and Email to sign up for Members Only Access… inside you’ll receive a FREE Video + other secrets which I can only tell you about via your Email!
There is NO obligation and NO catch.
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January 27th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
I am trying to stick to the no contact rule, my ex broke it off said she needed time to herself to figure herself out. She says she loves me but, ok. So since we broke up she has text me a couple of times saying she misses me and goodnight. Should I respond to them or keep the no contact up? At this point I am not sure I want to continue to try to get back with her based on the time I have had to think about how I was treated. Any advise will help. Thank you
March 4th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
I have been through the same situation. My ex constantly never told me anything about how she felt only her backstabbing friends.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
hi.My ex walked out on me a few weeks ago as he said he couldnt be bothered trying.we were together for 7 years and 3 kids-2 older ones from a previous relationship.he said he loves me and always will and because i am his childs mother.over that time he has been here and we have still been intimate-i know what your saying but i love him.i did however decide that it will stop.he wanted us all to move state and start again before he left and now not.the kids and i are still going to move as im not hurting the kids more than they already are.it is very hard to have the no contact rule when kids are involved.he rings to speak to his youngest and sometimes the older two and the youngest goes to his place every fortnight.i would never dream of stopping him see the kids but how do i start to win him back without the no contact rule???all too confusing for me!!!
March 19th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
and dan…. your ex is trying to find out if you miss her and love her still.everybody needs time to find themselves.you need to think if you want her back or not.you will know when you see her.ask her for coffee or something.if you feel like you need to respond to her text message then just say…i know how you feel and good night to you too.something like that as its short.good luck
March 31st, 2009 at 7:43 am
It has been three months, my ex and I talk a little. However, if i bring up about us getting back together at first, we could talk about it, but not she ignores me when I bring it up. She says there is someone else but its been 2 months and they are still not together. I have asked her to send my possessions of cologne, one shirt and a book but she won’t. When I ask her to tell me its over for closure, she can’t. Is there still a chance? I still care about her so much and I want her back. I have had no contact for about a month now. I have tried everything. What can I do now?
April 18th, 2009 at 2:28 am
Well to give and update on my relationship issue. I have decided to move on and not look back. My ex started calling me every 2 weeks to talk, which was ok. Then the last week she started calling me every other day. Last Saturday she would not get off the phone and when I finally did she called me back 3 other times. Our conversations were mostly just casual, but she make some comments in a flirting way. So she called me this last Tuesday and we talked for a little bit. So I was thinking maybe she wanted to get back together. Well that was not the case at all. I sent her a text message later that night and just asked her why she has been calling so much lately. She responded with oh just to talk, to make a long story short she has been dating a guy and he is or was a friend of mine. In the end it got pretty heated and I told her not to call me anymore. She is a real attention needy person and I guess she needed more attention and she knew I would probably give her attention. So I would say stay with the no contact rule and go about your business and if you start getting calls from your ex I would be upfront right from the start and ask what the intentions are. Cause I was doing great till she started calling and it started to give the false hope so why go through that pain again. Good luck.
April 18th, 2009 at 2:37 am
Hey Jim are you dating anybody else? If not I would try to start cause just to clear your head of her. As for the possessions tell her she can either keep them or throw them away, it would show her that you don’t need her. She might be thinking that you are using the possessions to try to see her. I left some stuff at my ex’s house and never asked for them, things are things replace them. I know it’s tough! The worst thing you can do is try to be friends with her cause you are setting yourself up for a lot of heartache. Don’t ever bring up getting back together cause it will push her away even further. I hope this helps
April 18th, 2009 at 2:46 am
One of the best things I did to get over her was I wrote out a list of the good and the bad about our 1. relationship, 2. about her, 3. how I was treated, 4. how I treated her. I ended up writing about 5 pages of stuff and once I looked at it from my perception there was more bad on the first 3. What that did for me was ask myself was why would I want to be in a relationship like that. I kept in with me so whenever I had the feelings of missing her i would look at the list and it would get me out of that thinking. With what just happened last week it confirmed everything I wrote down. Don’t get me wrong I love her, but can’t deal with everything else that comes with her. I hope this helps
April 18th, 2009 at 3:54 am
I found out now that she is in a new relationship. I still have not contacted her but was wondering is there anything i can do not. Should i keep the no contact wall up or become her friend. I am trying to move on and until i find someone new, i still miss her. Any ideas?
April 18th, 2009 at 4:40 am
Stay with the no contact, do not become her friend. The reason you do not want to become her friend is that you have feelings for her and you can get taken advantage of real easy or miss read a situation like I did and have to go through the pain again. Although it’s not nearly as bad as the first time. The only way you can make her come back is to miss you and hope that the new relationship she is in makes her realize what she is missing you. If that doesn’t happen, you have to move on. Try to get as active as possible, do things that will occupy your mind. If your doing things that have no thinking involved then guess what you’ll start thinking of her. I believe a woman or a man in a relationship is gone from a relationship at least a month before they end it. So their emotions are shut off from the pain of losing somebody and typically they already have someone in mind to replace you. That is just my own thinking, but it makes sense.
My ex was talking to the guy she is dating now when we were still together and I called her out on it and she said oh we are just friends or just someone to talk to. If I would have known then what I know now, I would have ended it with her 2 months before she ended it. Let me know how it goes.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:35 am
forget them move on its hard to do but its true i was the one that lost my missis and i had to come to turms with that
May 21st, 2009 at 10:08 pm
I’m glad I’m not alone boys… I too jim have the same problem your facing. Although I’m not sure if my ex is dating right now I don’t even think I want to know. I feel like I’m going thru a mid life crisis and I’m not even at that age. Sometimes I’m caught between wanting to get back with my ex and some days I just want to move on forever. I wish I had an honest answer. Its hard for me he broke up with me over the phone with no reason but gave me hope at that time. Its been over 3 months and still no closure. No closure and he hasn’t given back my belongings and when I txt him he says oh sorry I will tomorrow. But still nothing. I believe he thinks its my excuse to see him. It might be who knows I’m a emotional wreak. All I want is for this to dissapear forever. Please help?
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Hey Phoebe, sorry to hear your going through such a hard time. It sounds like from what your writing is that he is leading you on pretty bad. Maybe he is trying to keep you around for back up if whatever he is into now doesn’t work out. Unless you have some really valuable things at his place, I would just let them go, and do the no contact rule. He may think it’s an excuse for you to see him and maybe he doesn’t want to conflict. How often have you tried to contact him? Do you still have stuff of his around your place? If you do you should get rid of them. You don’t need him for closure. Take it for what it is right now he is messing you up by blowing you off and not giving you the closure you want. So figure out a way you can get closure without him. The only closure he is going to give you is a conformation to him breaking up with you. He sounds like a coward to to these things to you, but you have to stop letting him get you all messed up. Let me know how it goes, being in your position I will try to help if you want to.
June 2nd, 2009 at 3:53 am
My ex has recently texted me randomly again. She told me of her coming back to pittsburgh reminded her of me. We were talking for a day or two and then she starts ignoring me again. I am so frustrated. I have no idea why she keeps ignoring after six months. I am so confused. I still care about her so much and it hurts when she starts ignoring me again. Any ideas whey she would talk to me one day and ignore me the next.
June 2nd, 2009 at 5:57 am
Jim, I would recommend that you move on from her. She is just torturing you. If you think about it why would she do that to you? Look at the type of person she is. I had a similar situation happen to me, in that I told my ex to not contact me again. So sure enough 3 weeks later she texts me and says she is sorry about everything. I didn’t even respond to her, cause it would have started the emotions again. You can not let your emotions disable you. Make the list of good and bad times, and I am sure once you do you will see where the relationship turned bad or you might realize like I did that the girlfriend wasn’t as good as I thought she was and that I put up with way too much bs. I would not respond to her, if you want to know how much she cares about you, ignore her text messages and see if she calls you. My ex never called, not that I would have answered either. Jim you need to move on and find someone else. Your going to look back on this time and say to yourself how stupid you were for wasting 6 months trying to get her back when you have so much in front of you. Hope you can make peace with this soon. I know how you feel. go on askmen.com and look up some of the articles there about interest level in women. it will give you a better understanding. let me know what you think.
June 7th, 2009 at 7:35 am
Does anyone have any ideas why my ex could be doing this to me. Talking to me for a few days and then ignoring. Only wanting to talk when she does and never when I want to. She still can not talk about our break up and she is supposedly with someone else. So why iniated contact with me again and tell me that her whole weekend back in pittsburgh reminded her of me. If she is with someone else then why talk to me. I am just so confused. This is the second time she has done this to me since we broke up.
June 7th, 2009 at 8:12 am
Dude she is just f***in with you. Don’t you get it MOVE ON!! If she wanted to be with you she would! All she is doing is playing you, and you are dog begging for a treat. Start being a man and move on. Why don’t you just ask her why she is texting you. I bet your not going to hear what you want to hear.
June 8th, 2009 at 7:46 am
I did ask her that and she said she is not sure why she did. Plus, she even texted me again last night cheering on the hockey game. I did not text back and I am moving on. I am just curious, how and why somone could do this to someone else.
June 8th, 2009 at 7:59 am
Hey I know it’s rough dealing with this. Glad to hear your moving on. I was in the same situation with the texting, but mine were calls. I wish I had an answer for you on your curiosity. I thought the same thing. I just think it comes down to either guilt on them, or they have no conscience and don’t care about how your emotions. Cause she has to know how you feel about her, and if she knows that texting you ist going to get your emotions stirred up then she is a horrible person. That was a huge step when you didn’t text her back. You should be proud of yourself. Just take it one day at a time and get out and meet other women. They can’t all be as bad as the one’s we hooked up with.
June 8th, 2009 at 8:12 am
Thanks man. You have been a big help.
June 9th, 2009 at 11:55 pm
What if she contacts me again. Should I keep ignoring her or should I talk to her then?
June 10th, 2009 at 1:25 am
What they say in the magic of making up is if she sends you a text, then wait about a day to get back to her. There thinking is it will show her that you waiting by your phone for her to text you. I think if you look at your situation. There are some questions to why she is still contacting you. If she texts you again in my opinion I would ignore it. If she calls then answer. Stop and think every time she contacts you what does it do to you. If this is happening every other week or even on a weekly basis, she may be keeping you around as a back up to her current situation. It is sad to say but it happens a lot. If it get to extreme and you find out why she is really texting you you may need to change your number. You wouldn’t be the first one to do that. Eventually she will either stop contact all together, or will start calling you. That will give you some clues to what she is up to. Make sure you keep your emotions in check, cause that would be the worst time to have a conversation with her.
June 10th, 2009 at 3:14 am
Is there a way I can find out why she has been texting me? Or do I just have to play the waiting game until she starts to call me or text me more often?
June 10th, 2009 at 3:57 am
Well when you asked her why she text you she said “she didn’t know why” What was her reason for breaking up? If she starts texting you more, tell her to call you instead. Texting is way to comfortable for people. I know whenever I asked a tough question to my ex through a text message she would never answer the question. I’m not sure if that ’s happening to you, but based on her answer of “I don’t know why”. You let her off the hook on that one. Only she can tell you why she is texting you, you can try to figure it out by her actions and what questions you ask. You have to remember you don’t need to talk to her with the same respect you had when you were together. I am not saying to be a jerk, but you can ask some tough questions and wait for an answer. I am sure if you would have asked tough questions when you were together it could have caused an argument. Look at it as you have no ties to her, and you need to know the truth. Play the waiting game AND CONTINUE TO MOVE ON.
June 10th, 2009 at 4:05 am
The reason we broke up was because she said that I would get upset when she wouldnt answer the phone when she lived 5 hours from me. If that helps. I am also going to go visit some friends next weekend and they live very close to where she is living. When I go up and visit, should I try to let her know I am there if she wants to talk in person or do something like a nice gesture or should I just go up there have a good time with my buddies and what ever happens with her happens?
June 10th, 2009 at 4:20 am
Ok that makes sense. Now here is what you NEED to do! It sounds like you were insecure about parts of your relationship. That is something to learn from. So instead of trying or thinking about ways to get her back, you will need to fix yourself first. Here is why: lets say she says she wants you back, and you get back together with her. What has changed? Your still going to have the insecurity that caused the first break up. So the results will be the same, cause you will get those insecurities back they didn’t go anywhere. Look for ways to increase you self esteem, cause you are going to have to have a thought process of not needing her. One way to help is write down the insecurities that showed up in your relationship and try to identify where they came from. Start there and start taking care of you first.
As for hanging you with your buddies. That is all I would do, do not contact her while your there, or stop by to see her. What would look better: the fact that you were in her area and didn’t need to see her, cause you were there to hang out with buddies, or you show up or call her and she blows you off or if you show up she may have the person she is seeing there. I don’t think that would be a good situation. You basically have to go against everything your feeling and do the opposite. The more available you are the less she is going to want you. So go hang out with you buddies and HAVE A GREAT TIME. Oh and no drunk dialing!!!!
June 10th, 2009 at 4:30 am
Is there a way for her to find out I am there with out calling her stopping by to see her? I agree with you , however, if I am there and she never finds out i was there then it is a mute point.
June 10th, 2009 at 5:12 am
Do your friends know her? If they do they will more than likely tell her you were by her. You can also tell her yourself when you get back for the trip. I’m telling you the more you reach, you are not going to enjoy your trip. If she knows your there, where do you think your mind is going to be? It will not be with hanging out with your buddies. Who knows if you told her you were going to be in her area, she may make herself busy to a point she wouldn’t see you anyway. Right. It will be a lot better if she finds out you were there after the fact. Look at it this way she will think that you don’t need her and that will attract her more. It weird that it works that way. So when you get back from your trip and she texts you you can tell her then. Let her be the on shocked that you didn’t try to contact her when you were there. That make sense?
June 10th, 2009 at 5:17 am
It would be like a movie if you went there and swept her off her feet. How likely is that to happen? More than likely it could go bad especially if she is with that guy. You really need time away from her to get yourself fixed, instead of being fixated on her. Go hang out with your buddies and try to forget about her, that way you will enjoy your time.
June 10th, 2009 at 6:50 am
Ok that hopefully would work lol. One more thing, sorry to be a pain in the ass lol. How to I get from her texting me to her calling me. Do I just hope she finally calls me or should I say something to her next time she texts me.
June 10th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Just be blunt about it and text her back and tell her to call you, don’t ask tell her. If she calls that’s good, if she doesn’t then you have your answer if she wants to get back with you. Man I hope everything works out for you either way! At least knowing either way so you can move on. Hey make sure you start fixing you! Don’t forget that. Let me know how it goes.
June 10th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Thanks will do and this is all based on her texting me again right. I dont text her until she contacts me again.
June 11th, 2009 at 1:53 am
Yes it is based on her texting you, because you are moving on. I think you said earlier that she ignores your texts. You have to make her feel like you don’t need her and are a confident person and can live without her. In reality you need to live like that. You should not become needy on someone else. So from what you told me about why she broke up with you, you need to look at your actions, here are a few: controlling, insecure, trusting, jealous.. These are only a few the are all relationship breakers. These are the things you have to fix. Look at askmen.com there is a lot of info on that website about relationships.
June 11th, 2009 at 3:09 am
Ok thanks, I will keep you posted.
June 19th, 2009 at 12:19 am
So I came up with a plan. I wanted her to know I was coming up there, but I did not want her to know from me. I had my buddy invite her out one night while I was up there.
HE sent her this:
Hope all is well. How has work been? I am sure not as enjoyable at the times at Temple. I am trying to get a big group to go out on Friday night for when Jim arrives.. He is coming in to visit us and I know you two used to date and I am not sure if you guys still keep in touch, but he did speak very highly of you when I asked during our cruise so I assumed you two are on good terms. So I thought I would invite you. I was afraid that Jim might only know Jason and I so I thought it would be nice if he knew other people.
She responded with this:
Matt-
I hope all is well with you too!
To tell you the truth, I’m not sure what the status is between me and Jim is these days. I haven’t spoken to him in at least a month, but he’s never said anything bad of or to me.
Either way, I am not going to be in town this weekend. I am driving home to Baltimore Friday morning and then heading to Tampa Saturday morning. I certainly do appreciate the invite. Keep me in mind for the future when you are getting a group together.
-k
How should I interpret this. To me this message is very confusing. How does she not know our status. I have made it clear we cant be friends and that I would like to get back together. SHe knows the last time we talked. What do you think?
June 21st, 2009 at 3:30 am
so my boyfriend broke up with me after 7 years for someone else.. he told me that he wasnt looking for a relationship and that he just wants to have fun with this girl and not be exclusive..that hes not looking for love cause he has it with me… well come to find out they are now offiicial.. its been 3 months – 1 month of completely no talking and now he started calling me talking about how he misses me and wants my friendship.. blah blah blah… he tells me he loves me, and that he would cheat on her with is me.. like thats supposed to make me feel good.. loser.. didnt he leave me for her in the first place?? he tells me he wants to take me to dinner and yet never makes the time cause he spends it with her… anyways i cant seem to let go.. i feel like i need him in my life even if he’s not my boyfriend.. i dont know what to do..i just keep praying that either i will move on or he will come back to me… i dont know what his deal is.. ANY ADVICE???
June 23rd, 2009 at 3:25 am
Well, to help I need a few questions answered. You two were together for seven years. Were you guys engaged? Were you two talking about engagement. If it is no to those two quetions, why not? He seems he is not sure what he wants. The old saying goes He wants his cake and eats it to. He seems like he doesn’t exactly know what he wants. I would not look to much into him calling you and telling him he misses you and such. He left you. You do not need him. I know it is tough. It has been seven years. That is understandable. While he is with someone else, you have to give him his space. How old his he. He seems very immature to me. Take this time to enjoy life. Hang out with friends, go to the movies etc… The main idea is to just keep busy. I heard a saying recently. If you truly love someone, not only will they love you at your best, but they will love you at your worst. Remember, he gave up on you. DO NOT GO CRAWLING BACK TO HIM. Just give it time. Keep the no contact. HE wont forget about you. I still think of my ex everyday. For me after seven months, I still think of her everyday. He won’t forget about you either. He needs ttime to realize that you don’t need him and to miss you.
June 23rd, 2009 at 4:20 am
I would say this. It sounds like to me he is stringing you along, which I think he is a jerk for doing that to you. I know you have deep emotions about him, but you have to get control over those emotions. I agree with Jim with the no contact rule. The more you don’t need him the better. Once he figures that out it may attract him back to you. You truly need to move on and get yourself mentally to a point where you choose to have him in your life, not depend on him being in your life. It is a very difficult process, specially if you don’t keep your mind occupied. If you think about what he is doing to you now that might give you a push to move on. Because if he loved you he would be with you, that is the bottom line. If you focus on all the good times you had it will make it that much harder to move on, if you think about the not so good times that may help you gain control over your emotions. I know I wrote a list of good and bad and the bad out weighed the good. I didn’t realize how bad it was till I wrote it all out. That may help you as well. I would say work on you and only you. If you were to go back to him right now what would be different in 3 months. Neither one of you have made changes the get a different result.
June 23rd, 2009 at 4:29 am
Jim you have your answer right there! I told you she would make herself unavailable. You need to move on…. She is doing to you what E’s ex boyfriend is doing to her. These two people are dangling a carrot in front of you to see how far your going to chase it. I hate to sound so harsh, but stop wasting your time and move on and feel good about yourself for making the decision to do so. At some point you have to say to yourself she is not in my life except when she wants to be and that is not a positive in your life. Like I told you before look at yourself and figure out the learning in this relationship and try to develop and grow from the mistakes you have made with this last one.
June 23rd, 2009 at 4:51 am
I believe I am. When I went up there. I did not try to see her or contact her. I just hope she would leave me alone. That is the only I can truly move on I beleive.
June 23rd, 2009 at 4:57 am
Dan, do you still miss your ex? WHat ever happened with your situation?
June 23rd, 2009 at 5:38 am
Jim I am proud of you!! It sounds like these are positive steps for you! Just take it day by day. You are spot on she needs to leave you alone so you can move on. Ya know that is funny you should ask. I was golfing thursday and she called me. I didn’t answer my phone. So she leaves me a massage asking me to help her with her internet connection on her work lap top. She couldn’t get the lap top to connect to the router that I put in her house. Anyway a few hours went by and and I sent her a text message saying look I don’t want to talk or do anything to help you, the only memory I have of you is a bad one. I was shocked that she had the balls to call me and ask me for help knowing what I went through with her. Obviously we had some good times but in the big picture it was not a relationship I liked. The light of missing her gets dimmer everyday. I just focus on how much better my life is without her and now I can start setting goals again and accomplish more of what I need to do to improve my life.
June 23rd, 2009 at 5:43 am
Oh one of the things I did and this convinced me that I was over her was I went on to my cell phone account and I blocked her number from texting me. That was the day I knew I was done with that chapter in my life.
I am grateful to have known her and learned a lot from the relationship and myself. I have dated a few girls since her, nothing serious and I don’t want it serious either. I am just enjoying not having a commitment. So we will see what happens. Thanks for asking I appreciate that. Keep me updated on your progress.