28 July 2010 ~ 72 Comments

Do You Make These Mistakes With Your Ex?

A few years ago, I was in a relationship with a man I really loved and cared about. Our relationship was far from perfect and we argued all the time, but we loved each other and for a long time, I thought that was enough. I believed the rest would just work itself out.

Consciously, I thought things were going fine. We had issues but we were “working” on them.

Subconsciously however, a lot of underlying tension was brewing. This soon would erupt and cause fatal melt down to our relationship.

One unsuspecting day, we had another one of our arguments. There was nothing out of the ordinary about it. I was complaining about how he never wanted to do things with me, and never thought of me. Basically, I felt unappreciated.

I wanted him to talk to me and make me feel better.

He didn’t.

At first, I was calm. I wanted to just talk. Get the issue out in the open and not just sit on it.

He refused.

I got a little more upset. I couldn’t understand his reasoning here. What’s wrong with just talking about things?

I started calling him on the phone. He wouldn’t pick up. I tried 3 more times. He had disappeared.

That’s when something inside me clicked. I realized for the first time, that I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t want to be with someone who would rather run away and hide than deal with our problems.

This was the first time I seriously considered breaking up. Immediately after that, I thought about leaving the relationship for good.

At first, this made me feel empowered. I started recounting every argument we’d had, collecting justification for this newfound decision of mine. This made me feel good. I wasn’t hurting anymore.

My newfound strength lasted about 4 hours.

By the 5th hour, I was missing him terribly again, asking myself why he was such an idiot and why I still loved him so much.

At this point, my decision had changed from being certain I wanted out – to saying things like… “If he calls me now and apologizes, I’ll forgive him.” Or “I’ll give him another day or so to make it up to me.” Or “I was being a little unreasonable, maybe I should call him and apologize. I do miss him.”

In the end I decided that I would wait for him to contact me. After all, I was the one who reached out to him last, and he had to know I was waiting for him to call me. Right?

He didn’t call the next day.

Or the day after that.

By Day 3, I was starting to think he was the one breaking up with ME.

On Day 4, he sent me an email.

It was long, but the gist of the email was basically him defending himself and how he did no wrong in the whole ordeal.

He had a knack for conjuring up excuses that removed him from taking responsibility for anything.

I guess he made up my mind for me. I knew I wasn’t too smart, but I wasn’t THAT dumb either.

The shocking part wasn’t that I broke up with him after this letter (all clues were pointing that way), but what happened AFTER I broke up with him.

Apparently, when someone breaks up with you (whether the relationship was good or not), a chemical reaction in your brain is trigger, called the “DESPERATE and NEEDY” chemical – this new chemical in your system gives you a sudden new purpose in life..

“ to chase your ex as hard as you can until they give in!”

This was what my ex did, and let me warn you now. 95% of you will have it after a break up! Even if you don’t act on this impulse to chase your ex, you will still feel it in your bones.

Learn from my ex, what NOT to do if you want to get your ex back (there are better ways, trust me).

Don’t let this happen to you!

Mistake #1 – Remaining in Constant Contact

Reason you may want to do this: I don’t want my ex to forget about me or think I don’t care.

I run a popular email newsletter and this is the most common thing I get emailed about (after “How do I get my ex back?” and “Do you think I have a chance?”).

Most people don’t like the idea of stopping all contact. It’s out of their comfort zone and deathly intimidating.

The terribly real fear is that your ex may forget about you and find someone else – younger and better than you.

So I guess you counteract this fear by keeping a lock-tight eye on them – calling, emailing, txting or randomly popping up at their place.

After all, having a friendly relationship is better than no relationship at all, and that means you still have some power over their decision to date, not date and maybe, even get back together with you.

This couldn’t be more wrong.

You must fight AGAINST your natural instinct to chase after a rejection because it does nothing but make you look weak and desperate.

Case in point.

What is your natural reaction to someone running full force at you, arms outstretched, tongue hanging out, and a sure desperation in their eyes?

Counter that with your reaction to the majestic sculpture of Michelangelo’s statue of David. Which would make you stare at in awe and which would make you run?

Humans are repelled by the weak, drawn to the powerful.

So if you find yourself calling your ex over and over, stalking them all over social media sites, sending a string of emails with ILOVEYOUILOVEILOVEYOU all over them, it’s maybe time to step back and observe the disasterpiece you’ve created for yourself.

Just like any horrendous painting, you CAN wipe the slate clean and start anew.

Mistake #2 – Using Reason and Logic

Reason you may want to do this: If I make a good argument why breaking up is not the solution, then my ex will see my logic and come back.

Logic has no place in a break up. We are driven by irrational wants and irrational emotions. Your argument may be sound but if your ex doesn’t believe you then it won’t matter what you say.

No one wants to be convinced they’re wrong, and that’s what you’re essentially saying when you try to reason your ex this way.

Here’s the truth. Your ex has their external reasons for breaking up and then there’s their internal reasons. Down to the core, we’re driven by our internal wants and desires. It’s hard to change someone’s mind if you’re not sure what is motivating them in the first place.

The mistake is to assume that you know what’s best for them when you only know what they’ve allowed you to know.

To get through to your ex, you must show them through your actions the qualities they desire, as well as giving them time to come to their own conclusion.

Your ex will want you back when they realize it’s far more rewarding to be with you than without you.

Mistake #3 – Being Extra Nice and Loving or Changing Behaviour Too Quickly

Reason you may want to do this: If I’m extra nice, sweet and loving around my ex then they’ll see I’ve changed and come back.

Most of us have learned through experience that if something seems too good to be true, it usually is.

The downside to changing too quickly after a break up, is the unbelievably factor.

It’s just not believable that your new change is sustainable over a long period of time. If your ex doesn’t believe you, they won’t trust you enough to come back.

Slow and gradual progress works much better here.

Mistake #4 – Taking No Contact to the Extreme

Reason you may want to do this: If I just ignore my ex, they’ll see they can’t live without me and come back.

Ignoring someone – or in other words – pretending they don’t exist and not worth your time, will not get you in the good books with anyone. It may catch their attention, but eventually you’ll have to stop ignoring them.

Once you go back on contact, that’s when you get hit with the consequences.

Case in point. My ex may have waited too long for an apology. And when the apology came (was there one?) it wasn’t even sincere.

Put aside the idea that there has to be someone right and someone wrong. If the only reason you’re holding back contact is so you can avoid admitting defeat, then ask yourself this:

“Would I rather be right or in love?”

Mistake #5 – Deliberately Doing Things to Piss Your Ex Off

Reason you may want to do this: If I just make their life miserable, they’ll see they’re better off with me than without me.

Sometimes we’re so hurt and frustrated by someone that instead of doing what we know to win them back, we direct our anger at them instead.

You may want to hurt your ex to get back at them. You may want to yell, blame, name-call and lay on the guilt-trip because you don’t know what else to do. But doing so will hurt you ten times more than it will hurt your ex.

Key point to remember: “The secret to getting what you want is to give whatever it is you wish to receive.”

If you give out abuse, expect abuse back. If you only give out kindness and love, that’s what you’ll receive as well.

The trick is to prepare for outbursts beforehand. If you know a part of you hate your ex for doing what they did, do NOT seek contact with them until that emotion has subsided.

I won’t go into the details of how my ex made these mistakes, but he did. At one point, I thought to myself: “Who is this person?” It made me question whether I really knew him at all.

The point is break ups bring out the WORST in people. IE. all your insecurities, fears and weaknesses come floating up to the surface and it can make you do crazy things that create lasting damage to your relationship.

What To Do If You’re Making These Mistakes Now?

So if you’ve realize that you’re no angel either and you have made one or all of these mistakes, do not fret just yet.

Chances are, your ex expected some type of resistance to the break up.  At least it shows you care and give a shit after all.

But has it completely ruined your chances?

I’m giving away one of the bonuses included in The Ex Recovery System.

Get it here FREE:


This report reveals what I believe are telltale signs that you still have a chance with your ex. This is only a series of free reports I’ll be sending to you :)

Your friend,



72 Responses to “Do You Make These Mistakes With Your Ex?”

  1. kay 29 July 2010 at 6:33 am Permalink

    I read this because I am still trying to figure out what I did wrong, I see some of these things in you advice, but we had a 4 year old girl at the time, he just didn’t come home from work one day, a month later his sister showed up he visited is daughter, I tried to talk, of course did not go good, I waited 3.5 more months the contact I had said he wanted it to work out he came to visit for a couple of hours, I said a few things, he said he would never come back, of course I blew up , no more contact, I move away left the state, I don’t call, have not changed my cell number and have contact with his family and some mutual friends, he is angry because he doesn’t know where we are, he tells people he tries to call all the time, but I won’t answer, I answer all blocked calls and his number I got him he still has is programed into my phone. I wish sometimes still that we still had a chance, but I don’t know now if we ever did, feels like everything we ever had was fake now, we were I thought deliriously happy, same page same book we used to say, together onver 5 years and add one year of marriage to that. Never argued, had “fun” together, then one day it was just over?

    • debra 11 August 2010 at 10:35 am Permalink

      Broke up with my guy after 8 months.I’m totally heartbroken.my scenario is completely differnt then other I’ve talked to, being that until the sudden end, it was the most special relationship I’ve ever experienced.I believe I may have run him away by wanting to move forward too fast. He is twice divorced and I’ve never been married. This guy was truly a dream come true and I rushed it.no arguements,no cheating, just a loving relationship.he says he is moving on,(suddenly), and he wants to be friends. This was after we talked about marraige and a ring.he felt he didn’t want to hurt my feelings, so he just left.we are in constant communication thru texting only,everything being said is very loving. He would cave if he heard my voice, or saw me. Anyway, I’m hurting so bad about this breakup and need to move on.I’m starting to date,but not the same. I really miss my best friend, and I love him. I’m still crying daily. It would not be so bad if only he was an asshole, but this guy is truly a dream come true with a wonderful spirit. How do I move on?

  2. Ann 29 July 2010 at 6:40 am Permalink

    Hi there,

    Can I just disappear after breaking up and without telling him why? I plan to do it for a month like ‘no contract rule’. I m just worried that if I don’t tell him, he will move on. We broke up for a month now and he still tell me he is thinking about me everyday even we are dealing a long distance relationship.

    Thank you so much.

  3. Deidre Smith 29 July 2010 at 6:47 am Permalink

    I am so screwed…..u have completely nailed me…i am guilty of everything you you said not to do. So ok, thanks for the reality check….what do I do now?
    I am not so sure my ex didn’t write this himself. LOL…not really

  4. Rhonda Hollingsworth 29 July 2010 at 7:00 am Permalink


    • Ashley Kay 29 July 2010 at 11:39 am Permalink

      I wouldn’t be posting your phone number on here. You can email me and I’ll see what I can do.

  5. Amanda Fredette 29 July 2010 at 9:33 am Permalink

    Hi im Amanda and im 15 years old and so is my ex Steven Guzman.
    im very shy and quiet and hes very outgoing and funny.
    hes in Guatemala with his little sis Hailey and he skyes (emails) me and webchats with me alot.hes the one who broke up with me.he broke up with me because you know when a guy teases his girlfriend (i forgot to mention im sensitive)anyways he teased me sometimes but i was stupid and you guessed it got affended to easily.he told me we might get back together again but he didnt feel like having a relationship for now and also told me that he wants me to be his best friend.this broke up happened on May 18th 2010 and we went out september 3rd 2009 so we went out for about 9 months.the break up happened in may though but his sister and him are in guatemala for now up until August 13th. even though im his best friend i really still have feelings for him and he talks to me on skype until…well let me just put it this way one time it was 4:00 am in the morning and he talked to me on the phone up until that time!haha!he told me before he left to guatemala to skype him everyday and 2 days ago when i told him i had to go he told me he will miss me.my brother told me the best way since he’s in guatemala for a while is play hard to get not ignore but hard to get.the thing that confuses me is Steven freaks out if i miss a day of going on the computer to talk to him.haha! i guess he still likes me but for some reason just wont admit it.what should i do to get my ex back?please help me.

    • Ashley Kay 29 July 2010 at 11:36 am Permalink

      I agree with the “play hard to get”. Show you need him less than he needs you and he’ll want to chase you harder.

      • jose 22 September 2010 at 10:18 am Permalink

        is there any way i can contact you (obviously personal email) i’m dealing with a break up that’s well…sort of unique (i mean what break up isn’t unique lol) but what i mean is it’s kinda weird and i just wanted to give you a description so maybe you can tell me if there’s a chance or if should just cut my losses now.

  6. Tanisha 29 July 2010 at 11:00 am Permalink

    I been reading the material that you have gien online for free. I find the information very interesting and very true. I have made manyof the mistakes that you speak about. I would love tohave your book but can’t afford it right now. Is there any other advice you would be willing to give me. I want my ex back but he is living with another woman, it is driving me insane, but I have taken the first step of NO CONTACT. Will it really work?

  7. Nour 29 July 2010 at 12:40 pm Permalink

    hey Ashley,
    I’ve read all the material as well and I’ve been wondering…that I’ve hardly and mostly one or two of he mistakes were committed on my behalf.yet i want to ask,how to get back an ex if he doesn’t respond to all that is done.What i mean is me and my resent ex broke up a month and a week ago after two weeks of our first date anniversary,and the reason he told me was that he didn’t have feelings for me anymore that they have disappeared,but when we officially broke up,which was the last time i saw him..his actions were saying otherwise.and even though I’ve found out some displeasing events that have taken place during the relationship,those were after the break up,I’m still willing to let them go,if we get back together.now he suggested being “friends” (which in my opinion is total BS) but i can’t.and frankly i don’t want to stay just friends.I want to reconnect with him,but i don’t want to be his friend,how should i open up to him and reconnect by not opening up the past,for i know it hurts/annoys him.Honestly i think its a shame for us to end,we were so compatible on so many aspects (he even said it,i really wanted us to stay together and get engaged some day),but his problem is that he can’t open up,he’s always in silence and deals with things on his own (and the break up,well he did not include me nor talk to me to try and work things out he just took the decision without trying,to him he tried,but he tried alone,sure we had fights but we established why and we talked about them,but how can a person revive feelings with past memories,not occurring events like spending time with each other).he is a complicated person and i really love him,and i want to be there for him,but he won’t let me in.please how can i reconnect with such a person,but not as friends as he described us to be…how can i get him back,attract him back..?how to revive his feelings?please your my last hope.i don’t want to let go like its been told…please help.
    P.S. I’m sorry for the long post.and i cant get your book because i can’t afford it now… and I’ve done the no contact and he initiated contact twice,but on low levels.like really low levels.

    • Sarah 9 February 2012 at 8:07 am Permalink

      I have been through such a situation. Coming back as friends is a good step towards a relationship remedy. Once you keep in contact as friend, the hidden emotions will come to the surface, and with time passing love will show up again.
      Wait for him to contact, then show your acceptance for a new friendship relationship.
      Hope this contributes in solving your issue.

  8. marilyn 29 July 2010 at 1:54 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley: I’ve thoroughly enjoyed your articles. I am now broken from my boyfriend for 2 mos now. We’re still good friends, he’s kind and caring . He will be leaving for California next year. This has been long planned and has been preparing for this move the past 3 yrs, taking review exams for the National Boards which will allow him to practice in California. At first it was painful, but am now getting used to it, and the nice thing is we’re still in contact on the phone, email, texting. We don’t physically see each other. I’m not sure if he is dating anyone as I haven’t asked. I am afraid to ask. We broke up because it will hurt both of us when he leaves – it will be worse (especially me). I admire him for not just dropping me like a hot potato. He did it (and is still doing it) in the most gentle, caring and compassionate way. He is a professional, very classy in his ways, and kind. This is what I will miss. I love him but I am going with the flow right now. Our communication is less but when we do communicate it is great conversation. What are my chances of getting him back. Remember, he’s going to California.

  9. fs 29 July 2010 at 2:27 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley
    I’m not sure if this has anything to do with the above.. but I’m kind of stuck in a situation as well. I would like to purchase your materials, but I just can’t right now. My ex has said in the past that he wants to be with me and everything else and we both know how each other feels. He is kind of playing hot and cold. He is struggling with alot of things in life right now and feels he needs someone to talk to but has said that he can’t talk to me because I have hurt him in the past. How can i speed this process along and how can I make him see that he can talk to me? How can I make him come to me? I would really appreciate the advice.

  10. Nice Guy 29 July 2010 at 3:16 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley,

    So my ex and I have been off and on for a year now. We went out for a few months, broke up then she sent mix signals, denied that they were mixed signals and broke up again. Recently she came back from a trip and all she thought about was me. We went out and connected. She now is giving me the silent treatment and is completely angry with me. I’m trying the no contact rule but I miss her so much. I don’t know why she’s angry or what happened, it’s like she just turned pyscho. This is what happened the first time we went out she turned pyscho on me. What can I do?

  11. rashmi 29 July 2010 at 3:28 pm Permalink

    I am facing so many problems with my wife. I am Male person. my age is 40. my wife age is 55. She is always talking with Gents so much time. and talking with via phone. And the gents coming to my home and talking , taking lunch, tea , coffe, moving outside without my consent.when asking she not replies perfectly and reversly tells dont ask me. I am so much hurted. she is respects other men than me. She is not respecting me. She avoided sex with me since 1 and 1/2 year. Please guide me. Thanking you sir. Please send me guide lines via email.

  12. Ruth 29 July 2010 at 3:58 pm Permalink

    My ex is very stubborn tho, r you sure he will come chasing? Help!

  13. mac 29 July 2010 at 4:50 pm Permalink

    hi, lady! your advice sounds very wise. i just wish i could follow it, or at least keep myself for going nuts. my ex and i broke up a year ago (last July). first he ignored me right afterwards, then i ignored him. he chased me for awhile (up until mid-November of this year), then we had limited contact. we did sleep together a few times (in Feb), then he stopped contacting me altogether (only responded to texts i initiated). in april, he told me that he didn’t want to be friends and would appreciate it if i’d give him his space. when i’d see him at a bar alone or with a girl, he’d leave immediately. he ignores me all together. we spent six years together… this hurts.

    • mac 27 September 2010 at 2:13 pm Permalink

      Dear Ashley, do you have any advice for my situation? I posted my problem awhile ago, and I really need your help!

  14. malia 29 July 2010 at 4:51 pm Permalink

    typo–mid-november of last year.

  15. Midori 29 July 2010 at 5:13 pm Permalink

    Heya Ashley,
    This is Midori from India, pleased to meet you mam. I have implemented the “No Contact” step after reading the material you had sent me, i have also tried to forget my ex by creating a make belief situation that keeps me from contacting him online and by phone. I’ve been able to do this by makin him believe that i’ve left for Germany for good, we had already disscussed this and he knew that i was leaving soon, and if i contact him now he will know that i was lying all the time so the fear of him hating me even more stops me from contacting him. Surprisingly, he visited my profile on orkut the same day which he didn’t for months, and that made me so happy but mam i am not sure weather i did the right thing by making him believe that i’ve left for good. Please help me.

  16. Yomi 29 July 2010 at 8:57 pm Permalink

    My relationship is so complicated. Been with ex on and off for 10yrs. She’s trying to deal with an unplesant sexual abusive past which she takes out on me with wild mood changes. Coupled with family members trying to keep us apart it’s remarkable that it has lasted this long! Did the NC thing but have failed in the no sex part :~( Just recently returned from a holiday to her native Madeira (she stayed on) and got carried away. Not sure where to go from here when she returns on Sun, as I have a g\f at present which she knows about but I realise I still have strong feelings for my ex . Pls advise

  17. Daniela 29 July 2010 at 10:07 pm Permalink

    I’ve made every single mistake from the list and decided to change my behavior but it is too late for that.
    Last night he sent me a text but I don’t really know what to do.
    He is probably going back to his ex wife and I feel so miserable because it was my fault that he ran away, I was very possesive.
    Now what?

  18. joe 29 July 2010 at 10:39 pm Permalink

    i havent seen or talked to my ex in 2 mos. but she continues to send me pics of the puppy i gave her

  19. Lisa 30 July 2010 at 12:00 am Permalink

    Hey there, i’m 18 and my ex broke up with me the night of our high school graduation. I was crushed he told me he lost feelings for me but a week before he told me he loved me. for the past month and a half we havent really seen or talked to each other in person or anything but go into a fight via text about how he’ll never have feelings for me again. but recently we hung out two days in a row and it was great it felt like we were dating again but ten times better. he would look at me the way he did when he liked me and i cant tell if his feelings for me are coming back slowly or what? please help me i want my ex back so bad even though im going away to college next month

  20. Nicholas 30 July 2010 at 5:17 am Permalink

    sweet mother of pearl…i’m guilty of all charges, hence i understand
    why my ex onle responds, mostly, once a day via text message.
    howeverm she is a busy person, along with the fact that, even while were dating, she wasn’t big on texting.
    Though as things stand i highly doubt that either of us are ready
    a phone call with each other.
    i care for her and firmly believe that we can make it…just going to take a lot of time to rebuild the damage that i have caused.
    so yea…very low contact so far…and i’ve started your program, but i dont know if i should send the letter, because i already sent a text in regards of accepting the break up, apologizing for the breakup…and yes accepting ‘her’ request to be friends. (shot myself in the foot again there i know)
    taking a little break from contact now, just wondering about mynext course of action

  21. Angie 31 July 2010 at 7:29 am Permalink

    I was dating my very recent x for 4 years and we broke up one week ago. And yes I did all those nasty things that you mentioned. He recently moved to Fl. and I was to move as soon as I could. Our relationship was very turbulent ( I went through a divorce, custody issue with my x husband to be with him). Let me say he has NPD, and he became abusive. And if you know about the NPD, they are very difficult people. I have tried for 4 years to make this relationship work and have ready many many things on how to be with a NPD person. Well I phone snooped (when we both agreed that we wouldnt do that) a week ago when he was in town and found that he was texting nude pics of himself to another female and he lied and said it was a friend and that made his self confidence better to do that since he is not well indouded. I blew up and called him a liar cheat abuse low life going now where man living in his truck (he dont have a place in FL) at work. Then of course I get the I didnt want to be with you, but for months with him living down there we have seen each other basically every other week, things have been wonderful. I know I should never talk to him again, but you have it…LOVE is what I have for this man. Please help me with your advice as to which direction to go…leave it alone for good and wait for him…or give it some time and then contact him?????

  22. Loren 31 July 2010 at 8:16 am Permalink

    Hey Ashley,
    I’ve been reading your online material and watching your videos. My ex and I broke up in May. I sent her the 2nd chance letter on June 30th explaining that I’m okay with the break up , etc but she still has not responded. During this whole time I did not contact her and worked on myself to be a better person. I’m beginning to think she will never contact me. Should I give her a call?? What should I do?


  23. Sara 1 August 2010 at 8:10 pm Permalink

    Please help me Ashley, I’ve bought your book and tried to follow it. See after the break up I moved out of home for awhile but after a discussion with the ex, I decided to move back home. He wanted more time to find a place to live and said he didn’t feel right that I was slumming it while he got to live in our house. After this, I took a short holiday overseas just to get away and get over the whole affair. He was warm and loving, called me while I was away and was nice when I left and came back.

    It’s been 6 months now, he’s stopped looking for a place but I’m unhappy. I don’t know what this is, are we together or are we not? I feel like I should leave for good because it hurts to much to be with somebody you love but not feel any love back. Then again he always says I think the worst of him, sometimes I wonder if it’s all in my head. All I know now is that I’m getting increasingly depressed but I’m pretending I’m happy so we can live together in harmony.

  24. Jessica 2 August 2010 at 6:30 pm Permalink

    I also made the same mistakes before, and I didn’t know what’s the problem. Thanks for the information, I know what I was wrong before. I will not make the mistake anymore.

  25. Jennifer 5 August 2010 at 6:24 pm Permalink

    Hi Ash,

    I have made no contact, ignored as it was a very messy breakup. I emailed about a month back due to him making up lies behind my back and accusing me of things I did not do. He won’t believe me that I did not do it. His male friend has been contacting me and emailing me. I was wondering if they do this so he knows what I am up too but I blocked him and all his friends from my facebook. My ex is very stubbon. I doubt he will ever call me. It’s been 4 months.
    I can’t work him out. Do they ever come back after a messy break up? He never replied to my emails, I basically told him to grow up and I know what he had been saying behind my back. He’s a game player.

  26. charles s 14 August 2010 at 5:17 am Permalink

    my ex and i are off and on for 4 years i hurt her bad she hurt me bad she has been been dating someone i don’t know how long now but she says he treats her like a queen and our 4 y/o old son like a prince she said i will never be a father figure like him all i am is a sperm donor i only see her on sundays when she drops off our child i apologized to her very sincerly she got tears in her eyes all of her family still loves me they really don’t like this new guy much he keeps her and our son away i feel that he is controlling and jealous she told me that i can’t call anymore all i called was to talk to my son when i accidently bumbed into them i shooks his hand and said thanxs for helping out with my son he started shaking he was so dam scared i have been in no contact nor for 2 weeks i feel she wants to call me should i make the first move or just continue not talking to her ?????

  27. Farina 17 August 2010 at 6:59 pm Permalink

    Hey Ashley,
    I read your material and it is really good. I left my ex on his own for nearly 1.5b years even when i didnt read you. But till then i didnt contact him. We were together for 3 years and he showed up himself to me like no one loved me more than him. We had a very good time but he always run away from solving the problems and from committment. Although i loved him alot and showed my true feelings to him and when he got tot know that its nearly impossiblwe for me to live without him, he started telling me lie that he had been engaged to some one else in family and so and so. i admitted and when at the end his reality came up then i didnt contact him afterwards. We broke up on 13th feb, 2009 and since then i didnt contact him. i changed my cell no, and had been in no contact with him. in feb 2010, he emailed me to ask what i do and all that but i didnt respond. after that he didnt contact me yet. Additionally, a frend of mine tried contacting him on face book and in each and every gal he is finding me. i showed up my account but he didnt show up yet. i want him back but didnt show this to him yet. what to do? kindly help me and guide me.

  28. B Lewis 19 August 2010 at 6:59 am Permalink

    I broke up with my ex almost a year ago now and i have only spoken to her a few times since then and the last time i was making lots of mistakes that are mentioned above and then she saw me as weak and just verbally abused me.
    I haven’t spoken to her since february now but i think about her all the time and people tell me things that she is doing. I desperately want to call and see her but don’t know how to or whether or not I should in case she rejects me?
    Can anyone help? I want her back so much.

  29. roger 20 August 2010 at 10:17 am Permalink

    hello there
    please help with this
    i have been living with my girlfriend for 11 months and the last 3 months ago we have some problems and we tried to fix it but it didnt work she is 20 years old and i am 24 years old and we were living together same bed same house and now we have to weeks that we dont live together cause she decide to have time apart from me but i tried to conctact her during this time few times we cried for each other like never again but i am a celous boyfriend but the problem is that we are living with her bestfriend who is a girl and she is sick to see us having argues or mad, so we decide to talk to her cause we want to come back together but her best friend doesnt want to live with us anymore and my girlfriend said that she doesnt want lose her but we havent talk to her together about we dont want to hurt her again cause she said that she will move out if we come back together and now my girlfriend decide to be my friend cause she said she needs more friends at the moment than a boy friend that really hurts me, i know we love so much each other and she is trying to tell me everyTIME THAT I SEE HER LETS BACK TOGETHER AND LOVE ME but then she change of mind now i offered her to come back but living together she is telling me i dont want a boyfriend at the moment the only that i can offer is to be friend she is studying and working and she doesnt have anytime to spend with her friends because i am always around her so i dont know what to do i am scare that she wants to date some more guys or have fun please help she is telling to take one option be friend and hang out like friend or forget about her

  30. Kathy 22 August 2010 at 2:47 am Permalink

    I am completely guilty of doing all the things you have listed above. My ex and I were together for over a year and we were discussing marriage. He broke up with me one night because he believes I was lying to him about a circumstance where I was not. It has been about a week and the only times I have successfully gotten him to talk to me or see me were when he’s been drunk. He is going out all the time and partying and completely acting as though he’s fine. He ignores every attempt I make to talk to him and he refuses to see me in person. How do I flip this around so that it goes my way?

  31. Kelly 25 August 2010 at 7:20 am Permalink

    My husband whom I’ve been seperated from for 5 months was seeing this woman while we were still together and now she is living with him.. He still comes and sees me and is intimate with me. I wanted to believe they weren’t living together but her car is always there and he always cuts our convo short when he is at home. He tells me he still has feelings for me & he loves & cares about me.. What can I do to get him back please help. Is there any way I can break them up I love him with all my heart we were together for 7 years. & we have two sons together. Do you think there is any hope.. . I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past few months! just was hoping maybe there is something I can do to change this..

  32. Scott 29 August 2010 at 6:52 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley I have made all these mistakes was with my ex girlfriend for six years she left me our relationship went bad towards the last year of our time together. I have tried everything to get her back to the point I am so ill. The worst thing is her sleeping with someone else as she was a virgin before we were together. This hurts so much I have nightmares at night about her with someone. It’s been a month since I saw her have not spoke to her for two weeks it seems so long. Why is it that you spend all that time with someone then they just blank you like your nothing. It hurts so much.

  33. kat 12 September 2010 at 8:44 am Permalink

    hi ashley
    i did the usual text argue etc, and have got the usual man reply i dont love you, im messed up im still hurt and mad and just want to be friends. i accepted thre breakup(happened a month ag0)i havent discussed anything to do with what happened and have seen him twice briefly for coffee being upbeat , i have text him ~( i know big mistake) hence why i have seen him twice but he not contacting me. i dont know what to do next please help

  34. Gia 15 September 2010 at 8:52 am Permalink

    I am no one to give advice and I am not Ashley.
    But i was were your at just a little over a year ago.I chased, then fussed and the whole time their was another women involved in my marriage right before our last break up.. He met her through his Mother while still living with me.Left me for this women.We had problems some my fault, some his.We broke so many times got back together but nothing was getting fixed.

    I tried to get him in Church anything to save us. I loved him with all I had in me to love a man with. But when another women comes in to play and they fall out of love with you. What can you do?

    All commutation was broken down and he would not try to repair the marriage his heart was already gone,But when he kept running back and forth between me and them that gave me a false hope he still must have some feelings left.Boy was I wrong.
    I was a monkey in the middle.

    Well breaks up with her. I take him back but things were wrong he would not open up but only talk of that other women to me, his wife that was hurting inside from the affair to begin with. I thought things would slowly ease back to normal after a time.But they did not.

    After one month he leaves and go back to his home, by then we both had separate homes and I found out the next week he was seeing another women while leaving with me and moved her in with him a day after he leaves me.. Then I let me drag me in that mess.This went back and forth for three years until I lost all my self esteem and respect at this point. I had it in my head I could not live without him.

    You see I was stupid.. I loved him so much. I let him walk all over me. Now today that love still lingers but each day it is fading away and of course he is still with this last women.. But now I have grown up! I would not have him back on a sliver platter.I got over the hurt the pain that left me very broken until I won’t even date now.
    So maybe before this happens to anyone Ashley can help.Read her book- e-books do whatever it takes before it gets to the no going back stage. Because it can and it does everyday.Couples are to quick to give up and run to another, before opening one door make sure the other one is closed.

    I have to say this was the one thing that almost destroyed me and I fight daily to regain who I was before I met my soon to be X.

    But I was a big fool for letting him do me that way now today I feel ashamed of myself for letting him disrespect me in such a ugly nasty manner.I was just his backup an case the others did not work out.

    Now that’s is no way for any spouse to be treated or anyone should be treated..My point here is before it gets to that state maybe Ashley can save all of your relationships. But for me I can honestly say it is finally at a end.

    No more do overs!!! I would not got back through that mess again.

    I will be wiser the next time. I have more knowledge as what to do from reading and watching.

    Hope everyone gets their relationship’s worked out but sometime you need help and Ashley does seen to have the answers. I wish I could have known this three years ago.

    But my case was different I had a cheater on my hands and did not even have a clue he would be that kind of man when the going got tough as it does in all marriages or any relationship’s.


  35. kacey 17 September 2010 at 2:22 am Permalink

    hi this is kacey
    my ex broke up with me about a month ago and we r still best friends
    we see each other every now and then we talk and txt but shes dating another guy at first i was upset and kinda mad that we broke up cuz we seemed like we were always on the same page but she tells me she doesnt know what shes doing with her life and i believe that she still cares about me and i know that i love and care about her i have alrady stoped being angree and upset but can i really get her Back ?
    i have been using ur advice and not calling an not txting i wait for her 2 call and txt i was just trying 2 find out if i do still have a chance

  36. R. 21 September 2010 at 3:40 am Permalink

    Hello Ashley!

    I just stumbled upon your material recently. I started dating a guy earlier this year, and despite some distance issues things went pretty well. We had a really awesome connection, and the physical/sexual attraction was off the charts. This summer, we went through a rough patch. During this rough patch, we barely talked, and tension was high. After awhile, as I no longer had much time to wait, I decided to keep my options open, which led me to start dating someone else. A week into my new “relationship” (more like a fling), my ex calls me. As I’m about to explain myself, he tells me that all he wants is for me to be happy, but he does express interest in what I’ve been up to, how I’ve been, etc. Two weeks later, my fling ends (the guy I briefly dated turned out to be racist), and I hear from the ex again. We start talking occasionally (I let him do most of the initiating), and we go on our first date in months, during which he treats me as if I were still his girlfriend. I get a text from him that night asking me what I had thought; I responded that I thought it was awesome, and that I had a good time (because I did). Two days later, I call, but it’s at a bad time, so we reconvene later that night via IM, which he initiated. I initiated two brief text exchanges, one every other day since then, to which he has responded. My gut is telling me that I may have made Mistake #1, so I’m wondering if backing off for a little while (few days, week or so) will help.

    I appreciate any advice you can offer me.

  37. kirk 22 September 2010 at 10:44 am Permalink

    well i am extremley confuesed right now , my gf broke up with me after 5 years and she said that she needs to find her self, weve been apart for about a month now and she texted me telling me that she misses me and that she needs to get over the stage of being sad, i told her to call me when she was ready, a few days later i texted her because just hearing her voice made me really miss her again, i asked her if i had a chance in the world of getting her back, she said that she honestly doesnt know, but she said that she truly misses me and every where she goes reminds her of me. i am so confuesed all i want is my girl back , we also have a daughter together, i just want to make her happy, when she called me she asked if she could have some money for our daughter, i said of course because you cant put a cost on a relationship, even if she decides not to be with me i would not rebel, i think i would still treat her like a princess because i love her soo much, but i dono, what am i suppost to do? im changing my sell, apearence, hobbies , friends, i dont want to act desperate, i just want to know if she feels the same way i do

  38. julz 23 September 2010 at 7:45 am Permalink

    dear ashley
    Im in a strange situation with my ex, we stay in contact a lot, infact we are close friends.
    Its not one sided contact, in fact at times i have calls from him six times a day.
    I still care for him very much and he tells me his problems all the time.
    He doent even tell his own father these problems, he has had a bad child hood and he is much younger than me.
    im not sure but because im older than him, maybe he looks to me as a mother figure more than any thing else, because his mother was never there for him as a child.
    what do you think??

  39. shakirah namuyanja 29 September 2010 at 7:23 pm Permalink

    HI ASHlEY I love my boy friend we have always broke up and get together ever since he told me we start staying together i told him we should first get married he is acting like he does not love me. two weeks he is so in love with me the next two weeks he says i dont love you ineed your help pliz because i really love him and i would like to get marrie to him if thre is any chance and be forever because he has just come back some now and it is like four days but he does not contact me as he used to please just help me i need him forever and always.

  40. Heather 4 October 2010 at 7:08 am Permalink

    Hello i am doing the no contact its hard. last week i received mess say thank you for the memories just out the blue. i just replied me 2. he text again but i ignored it. 3 days ago he tryed to call i ignored. how long do i ignor him. what responce do i give him as he may look els were. pls help.

  41. Marie 7 October 2010 at 5:03 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley

    I am not sure what to do. My ex’s father got very ill and he was given weeks to live. We had been togther for 8 months and he dumped me 2 days before his Father passed away. We have spoken/texted/emailed since and I did attend the funeral after he asked me to. But I am still confused. I know he is hurting over the death of his Father and I tried the no contact for a few weeks but eventually had to get in touch to sort something out. He replied saying we should catch up in a few weeks but I was uncertain of this and when he called he said ‘ he justs wants to be friends, but doesn’t know how he will feel in a few months/the future. ‘ What should I do? Do I meet up with him in a few weeks or should I still have no contact with him. This is hard though as he has been emotionally affected by his father’s illness/death and I don’t want to seem rude or uncaring. When we last spoke he said I can call him anytime to talk about anything but I just don’t know what to do.

  42. ken bigham 9 October 2010 at 11:16 am Permalink

    Hello again Ashley I can understand that you are a very busy person . I am willing to pay for some one on one time with you if that is at all possible I need help. Ken

  43. Brenda 12 October 2010 at 3:37 am Permalink

    My long distance relationship ended 2 1/2 months ago and we were very much in love. I was to move there to be with him but I’ve been dealing with some health issues here that have tied me up being a different province. After the breakup he tells me he only loves me as friend and not to contact him he will contact me. I was a fool and was doing everything I shouldn’t of. I called him pleading and begging the whole scenario. Now after our last conversation which was 3 weeks ago when he said he will contact me I have left him alone. There has been no contact. He sent me a quick email saying thank you for the pictures and that is all I have gotten from him so far. He is not seeing anyone and is not interested in anyone. I love him so much and want us back together. How long does it take for him to call you. His sister calls me cause we are friends and she said give him his space and she is praying for us. I think he is afraid of commitment cause he has been in 2 failed marriages already. Now, he has a woman that truely does love him and he is scared. I sure hope he comes back. I still plan on moving there so we can be closer. I want so much to go see him so we can talk about things but not until he is ready. I feel like sending everything he has given me back to him cause it’s hard to have it around cause it shows his love towards me. Should I send it all back? I don’t want it if he doesn’t come back and want him to give it to the one he does really love if it is not me.

  44. Marc 13 October 2010 at 10:36 pm Permalink

    No contaqct is good except when you have children involved. We email often about the children and at this moment in time about asset sales. So the no contact rules just doesn’t work for me. As my children live in another country I go for 4 days twice a month to visit.

  45. Annie 25 November 2010 at 9:27 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    We work together and I have sent him the first letter. He invited me for a show , dinner and he mentioned he wants me to stay / sleep with him. Of course , I will not do that but should I just go for the show ?

    How to handle the fact that we work together ? Just being coldish friendly ?

  46. Square 6 February 2011 at 1:09 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley

    I have begun implementing the no contact approach to my ex (after telling her that is). What should I do however when she contacts me again but only to ask about my well-being etc, i.e. mere friendly chat? How can I respond in such a way that I neither ignore her nor falls back to the “friendship zone”?

  47. Viv 7 February 2011 at 10:05 am Permalink

    You mentioned something about not ignoring them to an extreme (which makes a lot of sense). i just want to know if you can elaborate on that part (mistake #4). I went NC for 2 days before my ex sent me a really short msg (hey.im heading out. but here’s a song for you. *a song title: start again* if you want it ). (i wasn’t sure if the song title was a coincidence or what). I responded 5 min later with “thank you”. but he left already. i don’t want him to think im ignoring him. so I plan to contact him 2 days later (after he’s done with his midterms) with something like “hey, the song’s nice. i really like it”. is that a good idea? or what should i do? i really want him back. help??

  48. Jenna 26 February 2011 at 1:32 am Permalink

    Hi Ashley,
    Well me and my ex are exes because he cheated on me and now wants to be with the other woman.
    Thing is he still gets jeleous and mad over guys I even mention dating.
    He tells me, and his current girlfriend that he still loves me and that he cant live without me yet he still wants to be with her.
    Its all so confusing.
    And everytime I try to not be around him or call him, either I or he gives in and we end up hanging out and everytime we have hung out its lead to sex.
    He says he doesnt wanna have sex with her and GAH!!!
    I dont know whats going on.
    Should I leave him alone?
    Or what are these signs telling you??

  49. S 1 March 2011 at 10:20 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley,
    I have recently looked through your material and have found it very useful. Thank you so much for your tips and advice.

    Currently I am dealing with seeing my ex bf at work (but not everyday). Today was the first time he was acting really cold with me and didn’t ask me for lunch like he usually would. He is seeing someone new and she doesn’t seem bothered that we are even hanging out. Only a few days ago did he mention that he wasn’t ready to hang out yet and cancelled on our plans. Our mutual friends have told me that he seems to be thinking about having a serious go with her and it isn’t so much of a rebound. We were together for about a year and a half and those memories would be a lot to forget about – especially emotionally and physically.

    I do want him back, but I’m not sure how I’m supposed to go about it. I haven’t acted psycho about this new girl but I have this feeling that she might not stick around too long and neither will he. I’ve minimised the contact and I asked him to let me know when he was free this week and he said he would let me know. I want to show him that I’m confident and independent the next time we hang out, though it’s not going to be enough to show him that I am better suited to him.

    He admitted he still has feelings for me and said that if I dealt with my ‘current’ issues then he’d consider getting back with me. He is an honest person and I have always believed and trusted him. I’m not sure if he was trying to make me feel better though because he is seeing a new girl. I want that to happen because I do still love him. Are there any ways in getting his attention and thinking about getting back with me?

  50. Justin 26 April 2011 at 6:27 pm Permalink

    Hey ashley, so I’m a marine pretty new to the fleet we were talking about marriage about 2 or 3 months after we got back together when i got back from boot camp then a month and a half before I come home she breaks it off over facebook deleted me and my mom from it and I find out through our friends she’s dating someone Idk if its a rebound or not but it kinda seems the no contact thing is working the only problem is ill be home in 2 weeks for only 2 weeks before I deploy and I want to know if you think there’s a chance for us to stay together through everything after almost 4 years I know she’s the only one I want to be with but I need the advice for the time that I do have and how to get her back with me before I leave for 8 months I need help

  51. Jamie 27 June 2011 at 1:31 pm Permalink

    Hi Ashley,

    I’m 17 years old and my ex who is also 17 broke up with me five days ago after dating for two and a half years. I first suspected something was wrong when he didn’t text me for two days so I called him one morning. He said he wanted to take a break because he is going to be really busy with baseball this summer and that he doesn’t love me as much anymore. Naturally, I begged him that we could make our relationship work but he kept on saying I’m sorry this won’t work. I was devistated and had no idea what to do and began thinking I would never be happy again. Going on Facebook was tough because I was tempted to look at his profile to see what he was up to. I saw a girl talking to him on his wall and I decided I couldn’t stand the torture of seeing this, so I unfriended him. Within a few hours he sent me an email saying, “Deleting me isn’t helping either of us and I still want to be friends. Just….I love you and if you want nothing to do with me then just tell me. Goodnight babe.”

    I was very confused with this message because if he loves me, then why did he break up? So I asked him that and he said he didn’t know, and that he still cares for me.

    We haven’t talked at all in five days and I’m just so confused…I still love him so much and I just want to know if you think there is still hope of us getting back together?

  52. sierra 4 August 2011 at 8:17 am Permalink

    Hey ashley, my name is sierra, am going thr a very difficult time right now, i was in a relationship with this guy for 6 months and i loved him very much, unfotunately he ended up the relationship because he thinks he is not stable and that his life is a mess, and does not want me to think he is using me. well its too late, i got too attarched, am trying to move ashley n not seem desperate but its too hard, i did the NC rule for awhile but then broke it, n contacted him, he still dont wanna get back with me just be friends, what can i do how can i move on? pliz help,

  53. Sarah 6 August 2011 at 7:12 pm Permalink

    My ex broke up with me a week ago because he said he didn’t see a future with me but he couldn’t figure out why and he didn’t want to lead me on, It wasn’t a bad break up and the last thing he said was he’d always love me , he was heartbroken and torn apart for 2 days and we agreed on being friends cause we meant a lot to each other and he was my first love and i was his.. He’s a different type of guy , very hard and heartless and he tends to be a dick most of the time but with me he’s completely different and he showed me so much of emotion and we always felt really comfortable around each other but 3 days after our break up he started talking to me and i asked him what was new and he said he had started eyeing 2 girls and this one girl keeps writing on his facebook wall very frequently and he also told me that he’s gone back to being a dick , What i don’t get is How could he move on so quickly while I’m still hooked on to him besides it’s just been a few days and why is he back to being a dick ? Is it cause he’s trying to push his emotions away and just move on ? Is he trying to show me that he’s better of without me ? Do you think it’s just an act ? Can i still get him back ? cause he always keeps saying I’m not like any other girl and that I’m speical … so what do you think i should do ? Please help

  54. Sarah 6 August 2011 at 7:19 pm Permalink

    Ashely , I need your help because i don’t know what to do , i really want him to realize what he did wrong :/ do you think i’d ever get him back and exactly how do i do so ?

  55. Matt maguire 26 October 2011 at 9:39 pm Permalink

    Been broken up for 2 months now, 1st month my ex text nearly everyday where it got to the point of me asking why she was doing so as it was her idea to break up. She came back from holiday n wanted to slow things down as she felt she was missing out in stuff n dint want the full responsibility of a relationship. She stopped text n for the few weeks I have not initiated any contact with her. We bumped into each other on a nite out at wekend n she asked if I hated her n if I’d replaced her…said no to both. She text to say she wanted to see me before I left but I had already gone. I want to give her space but fear no contact will mean that she will forget about me. Still love her and she us truely amazing…….what else can I do????

  56. robin ronish 8 December 2011 at 7:56 pm Permalink

    I love reading your articles and watching your videos. Somehow in a really dark place they instilled this sense of “my relationship isn’t over at all, just derailed for a moment” as opposed to the initial “ill never recover, ill nver love again I did have.” Thank for helping me thru an awful time. Just a quick question…about two weeks after my x left me, we started seeing each other again, sleeping together, always late at night and at her behest. Finally I asked what was going on and she told me it was oer for good, she didn’t believe wed ever be right for each other, I was a bad boyfriend and was upsetting her etc. So I respected her requests for no contact, knowing id have to be patient abotu a month, maybe more. I removed her number, put it on a block list, removed her from facebook etc. I have been strong! Its been 4 days and she texted me last night, saying she missed me beside her in bed and she hoped I was ok. I didn’t respond. She texted today and said “ure just gonna block and ignore me outta your life….soooooo dumb. And she calld I miss her desperately, but thru ure dvice and my will, have decided while I do want her back, I want to focus on me being the best I can be so if she rejects me again, ill know its over, know I’m a good person who doesn’t need her, and will be ready fr something else. Its 4 days which isn’t enough time or space for me and I’m the one who got dumped! Is ignoring her text and believing them to be her way of removing guilt, or just projections of her missing intimcy going to be detrimental to my plan? Will she become more likely to hook up or date somebody else cuz she thinks I’m done w her? Or should I stay the course? Please HELP!

    • Evelyn 31 January 2012 at 3:22 pm Permalink

      i know it’s been a long time since your pot, but i hope it will serve you in time: STICK TO YOU PLAN !! You deserve better, u’re not dumb at all ! she is !

  57. JayJay 23 December 2011 at 10:02 am Permalink

    Okay so I’m kinda in a jam. My break up story is really complicated and I was wondering if I emailed you the whole thing you would be able to help me out. I’ve asked friends but they have never been through what I have and I have no one else to go to. So I really need your help. If there is anyway you can email me back then please do. I just need to find a way to get him back, because I’m insanely in love with him (not stalker or obsessed) but i love him. But I made a big mistake being that im young and he said he lost his love for me. He said there might be a chance he would fall in love with me again and I want to know if you can help me get my boy back. If you email me I can tell you the whole story and you will understand better. But I just really need your help and its my first time asking for outside help. So please answer back and thank you ~jay

  58. Claire 29 February 2012 at 3:44 am Permalink

    My ex broke up with me. A lots gone on. Basically I felt something wasn’t right and he had changed abs when I finally say something he ends it! Tried to make it work but it felt like I was the only one trying after the first week or so, and the same signs happening again. I find out through his friend he lied to me about where he had stayed and a week or son from that I find he is seeing another girl and had stayed hers the time his friend dropped him init that he hadn’t slept his. A week on after one txt MSG and a phone call he has changed his number. I’ve not had any explanation just lies and denying cheating. I have known him 7 years and been best friends for 5 of those and as an offical couple for 1 year. Obviously there is no contact but is there any hope even sending the letter if he has cut off his phone? And should the letter be different as he is at the least dating this other girl?

    • erin 15 March 2012 at 5:53 pm Permalink

      Best piece of advice would be to move on and get over that obvious jack ass. Sounds to me like he already had another woman on the side well before things between you and him ended. He also sounds like a coward. people who change their number without warning do it for a couple of reasons. They’re either feeling guilty for the sudden behavior that they’re exhibiting or they just don’t want they’re so called new lover to find out. Either way I would still move on a best you can.

  59. Jimmy Miller 20 March 2012 at 11:06 pm Permalink

    My ex-husband and I had always manged to stay friendly after our divorce, but I always wanted to get back together with him, and he was never sure. So, I thought it was about time I MADE him sure! All it took was a visit to your website and a request for a specific love spell, and vadoo spell’s powers began to work their magic. My spell is working because guess what: My “ex” is soon to be my husband again! This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you, vadoo spell. Words are not enough.

  60. Sarah 27 March 2012 at 1:25 pm Permalink

    Hi there. Plz can u help me. My bf and I have been together for 7 years. He has trust issues and is quite jealous. We have broken up numerous times in the past 7 yrs. we always get back together though. The other day I was with him at hairdressers and he asked me who did I just message? I said I didn’t MSG anymore, I was writing myself a note in my iPhone. He swears blk and blue I texted someone thinking I didn’t want him to see as he was standing behind me in salon . I kept defending myself saying why don’t u trust or believe me? I honestly didnt do anything wrong. I even gave him my ph to check. He still called me a liar. He said I must have deleted it, as he knows what he saw!
    I was soo mad that when we got back to his house I said there was no point in staying together if there’s no trust, and how could he talk about wanting to marry me if he still doesn’t trust me for gods sake. He said I was lying to him as he knows what he saw. We had a big fight, I got my things and drove myself home.
    He sent me msg saying “he didnt want to loose me but he wasn’t going to be held random because I said I was going home”. He went on and on and then said he didn’t want this, it was ME who broke up and wished me all the best. Also said … U know I had every intention of marrying u blah blah….
    Now I’ve tried to call him 2 days later and text and email and he is ignoring me badly.
    I even got proof from phone company that I didn’t send anyone a message. He just wrote don’t email my work address thankyou!not even an apology.
    I just can’t understand how he is happy to let me walk away and diesnt love me enuf to fight for me. Why is he treating me do badly when only a few days ago he was talking about having this epiphany ? I don’t want to throw away 7 yrs:(

  61. sam 28 March 2012 at 4:11 pm Permalink

    hey Ashley,
    after i broke up with my ex about 2months ago..she still contacted me and it was like we were still going out,we even kissed and cuddled alot during this period.Anyways we had a big argument two weeks ago,she cancelled a date at the very last minute and i was upset cos i was already waiting for her at the place we were meant to me,then she first apologized and then started getting angry too and i was like why are you getting angry..anywayz to cut the story short..we got soo angry that we raised our voice at each other after which i apologized immediately but she said i should leave her alone and she was not listening to my apology..i even went to see her the next morning and tried talking to her..she said she was very sad that night and that my apology was accepted..After which i made her laugh and we had a great time(she said so herself)..i later discovered that she deleted me from facebook and twitter and we have not spoken since then..its been two weeks now and though we are seeing both seeing other people..i still miss her around..what should i do..her friends still talk to me.

  62. Toni Abad 21 April 2012 at 4:32 pm Permalink

    Hi, I have an ex whom i love very much and she loved me at some point to. She moved in because her mom kicked her out and it just seems like everything fell apart at that time. I had no problem with the things that she was doing but my family did and therefore I had to constantly get on her case so she wouldn’t get kicked out. Now she has a job, an apartment which i co-signed for, and she told me she liked someone knew and its been for a month now. I don’t know what to do I’m still in love with her but I made all the mistakes possible. She said she still loves me but only as friends and then the other day I made the dumb mistake of cursing her out in public for the first time in my life.

  63. Lisalauj 22 April 2012 at 11:03 pm Permalink

    Help me!!
    My bf and I have been together for 4 years now. I am 23 and he is 25. I believe we are a loving couple because when it’s just me and him we forget about the world and are so very happy. But our relationship is complicated because it’s a interracial relationship. And because we are not the same race his mother dislikes me and continues to seek another woman for him. Just a few months ago, his mom and him took a trip out of the state. It was a month long trip. We would not spend christmas or new years together.
    Anyhow, right after christmas, he wanted to break up out of no where. I could not believe it because he broke up with me on the phone so I told him that I will wait til he returns. When he finally got back from his trip I immediately went to his house (he lives with his mom) and asked him if he really meant it. He said yes that he wants to break up because of family , culture, and our personal differences. I ask if there was any other woman involved and he said “No”, that there is no one else and that he just wants to be alone. So, I accepted the breakup and we went our own ways. A month later, we see each other at school. We have two classes together because we both are in the same major. He always say next to me and eventually we started talking again.
    So, we are officially dating again but I just recently found out that he was going on secret dates during his out of state trip and he had feelings for another woman. That was the reason why he broke up with me. Also, he bought her flowers on valentines while we were together during valentines day and til this day they still talk to see how each one is doing. I feel so betrayed and I just can not trust him anymore. He apologize and said that nothing had happened between them but I just can’t let it go becsuse i know he liked another woman but most impotantly is because he lied to me. I still have strong feelings for him and still love him but I can not be happy with him right now because when I see him I am reminded of what he did.
    We are trying to work out this relationship right now because we both know that we are compatible with each other but I can not let it go. We been arguing so much because I always bring up the situation. How do I let this go? Is the only way to forgive him and be happy again is to leave this relationship?
    He says it’s not like he cheated but I feel like he did in a way. I feel like this girl did not have interest in him so he just came back to me. What do I do????????

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