Ashley here,

I recently got this question on my Facebook wall:

Pi Thar asks:
“How can I make my ex girlfriend want to return to me after she has moved on with another guy??????”

Great question Pi!

And sadly, it’s much TOO common nowadays.

Look, the truth is most women will ONLY comfortably leave a man when she has another guy “waiting” on the sidelines.

Unless your woman is super independent and confident, the truth is most women just don’t like to be alone.

Now, that may sound like bad news for you, but let’s look at things from HER point of view…

1. If she left you, then that tells me that she wasn’t getting her most important needs met.

2. Most women have orbiters (male friends who hang around them) who will happily take over the role of comforting her and giving her what she wants.

If she has jumped ship – from you to new guy rather quickly – then often it’s because this new guy simply came along at the right time…

It doesn’t mean her feelings for him will LAST.

Actually, most rebounds are short-lived for a reason. The main purpose of a rebound boyfriend is often to comfort a woman while she goes through a very difficult transition in her life.

While you are someone who constantly argues with her or makes her unhappy, this new guy is the exact opposite of that.

HE understands her…
HE listens to her…
HE gives her the attention and affection she needs…

It’s like she got herself a new blanket to comfort herself with at night because the old one were full of holes, had a funky smell and resembled a dead animal on the side of the road…

Ok that may be a tad exaggerated…

Anyway, my point is, this new guy is her way of COPING with her emotional needs and unhappiness.

Now, the GOOD news…

You had her heart once,
She loved YOU and YOU only,
She was loyal to only YOU at one point in her life.

And women’s emotional memories are SHARP as a whistle.

We remember EVERYTHING.. especially when there are emotions attached to the memory.

The good news is, you don’t need to RECREATE completely new emotions and new connections between you and her.

It is ALREADY there in her memory.

Your job is simply to TAP into it and UNLEASH it back to the present…

You know how women get teary eyed and all emotional after watching romantic movies, and guys are often dragged to see these movies and end up sitting there bored?

It’s because women put THEMSELVES into the characters of the movie.

We imagine what it would feel like to BE the girl who gets the guy, or to BE the girl who gets her heart broken, or BE the girl who gets romanced and swept away by that charming guy on the screen.

We see these images and we really feel it in our hearts, it could be us.

Guys often complain that women SAY this is what we want, but when it is actually presented to us by a real guy, we aren’t exactly falling all over him.

Welllll….

Remember, CONTEXT and the LEAD UP to a great romantic gesture is just as important as the romantic gesture itself.

For women, it’s all about playing a part in a story and going on an adventure.

Trust me, these are the things that TURN US ON.

Okay, so how can you use this to STEAL her back from this new “rebound” guy who has temporarily stolen her attention away from you?

Do you REALLY want to know…

Are you sure?

…

Okay I’ll stop teasing..

**********************************
… You Tell Her a New Story About You
**********************************

Did I mention that women love story, drama and adventure? Well there, I’ve said it again. We LOVE that stuff.

So, imagine you’re playing part in a movie. Looking at your life now… are you the lead character or are you a secondary character?

In other words, do you feel like you’re in charge or that someone or something else is in charge of you?

And is this life looking exciting? .. Or a bit dull?

Get clear on what you’re striving towards and what your greater goals are.

Women want to see a man with ambitions and a vision for the future. They want to know that if they choose this man, this man is capable of figuring out problems and also can look after her.

The first thing you do is:

* Be cool and confident around her
* Be completely okay that she is seeing someone else
* Show off your achievements/your vision
* Direct her instead of allow her to direct you

You get her to seek YOU for attention, approval, ideas, support etc

…by demonstrating that you are someone who is outside the “problem”.

You’re the guy who makes her laugh, who is passionate and excited about the future, who cares about the people around him, who knows what he wants and what his boundaries are, the guy other women want to date and be with… you’re a “catch”.

You’re not going to act like a supportive boyfriend who listens to all her problems… especially when she has the rebound guy for that (good for him?)

No, you’re the guy who offers something exciting, fun and SEXY in her mundane, dull and problem-ridden life!

And who knows her better than you?!

So, these are FORBIDDEN:
* Begging
* Crying
* Getting emotional
* Losing your temper

(If you do these now, start and STAY in No Contact until you ARE the person I mentioned above)

And these are also forbidden:

* Doing everything she asks you to do like a love sick puppy dog
* Answering her calls at all hours of the day and night
* Sending her love letters or love texts
* Supporting her when she has a guy who is ALSO supporting her … Come on, why are you doing this to yourself?!

And please, don’t wait for her to make up her mind about who she wants to be with, make it FOR her!

You might want to read that last point again…

Do NOT act like her emotionally supportive boyfriend when she is with ANOTHER GUY!

And if she can’t decide who to be with, don’t even WAIT for her to make up her mind, MAKE IT FOR HER!

Remember, direct her don’t allow her to direct you.

Okay, so what are you waiting for?

Start doing something RIGHT NOW.

Whether it’s writing down your goals…
Hitting the gym…
Deleting that love letter you’ve been wanting to send…
Whatever it is, start doing it!

Okay, I’ll be back with more…

Best wishes!
Ashley

P.S.

Want to ask a question like Pi?
Just “LIKE” my Facebook page and post your question on here : http://www.facebook.com/ashleyk.advice

Being a woman, I think a lot of women don’t really even know how to answer this question. They know what they like and don’t like but sometimes those things contradict each other.

Here’s an interesting insight – “What women want and what they’re attracted to are two different things.”

Women think they want a guy who has a good sense of humour, loving, thoughtful etc, but oddly enough more often then not, the nice guy usually ends up being only a “friend”. There is no real ATTRACTION.

I know a lot of men who are trapped with this “nice guy” image that they can’t seem to shake. It’s like a curse.

All it really comes down to though is confidence in ATTRACTING women and NOT befriending women. Clearly the two are different.

Women looks at men differently to men when they look at women. Generally men considers all female companions as a possible candidate in bed. Women however, DON’T think this way.

They think they’re either “attracted” or “not attracted”. But attraction can be created even if visually a man does not appeal to a woman.

Once the initial “looks” factor fade, women will look for these things in a man:

• Security – is he able to offer security, whether financially or emotionally?
• Connection – is a connection deeper than LUST there? Do you have common interests/passions? Does your beliefs and morals line up?
• Attraction – is he confident? Is he secure about who he is? Does he “lead” while you’re out in a public place?
• Intimacy – is he affectionate? Is he selfish in bed? Is he too clingy?

Women may be more attracted to confident men, however what they truly want is a guy who is secure within himself and has the ability to step up and be HER MAN in the relationship.

A good man is someone who will protect and die for his woman, someone who aims to always make her happy even when she IS happy. Someone who is constantly striving for a better relationship.

She does not want a guy who gets lazy and stops trying to woo her anymore. She also doesn’t want a guy who is insecure and clingy all the time.

She needs A MAN!

For men, a part from learning how to “pick up” women, you need to know what KEEPS a woman around. Picking up women by playing games and not being yourself is a surefire way to lose every girl you DO pick up. Always remain true to yourself and be honest with your woman.

Discover what a woman want and what you can do to win her back today!

Breaking up with the girl you love is probably the hardest thing your manhood has to deal with. It’s more than just ego. When a man loves, he loves a lot. There’s no apprehension, no second-guesses, and no doubt. When he says he loves you, then he does—with all his heart. That is why break ups are terrible. And because men love unconditionally (almost), calling it quits is simply just another hurdle in the relationship that needs to be overcome. There is no defeat. This is why most men try to get their ex girlfriend back as soon as they parted ways.

If you are looking for ways to win your ex girlfriend back without much of a struggle, you better have a pen and paper ready because I’ll show you the 5 sure-fire ways to get your ex girlfriend back.

1. Never separate on bad terms.

Okay, this is something that you have to do before you call it quits but it definitely determines your chances of getting back together. The chances of you winning back your love fast are high if you are still on good terms after your break up. Regardless of the reason for the break up, as long as both of you have mutually agreed to go on separate ways in a nice manner, the door for reconciliation will always stay open

2. Give her a day or two of complete healing before taking action.

If there’s one thing you have to avoid, it’s making her feel like you are desperate to get back together. Remember, desperation will get you nowhere. If you really can’t live for a single day without her, control your feelings at least for a couple of days. Let her cry. Let her lock and isolate herself in her room and nurse the pain.

Don’t text or call her. Never ever come to her doorstep a day after the break up. The more time she gets to spend thinking about what happened to your relationship, the more chance she has to assess her feelings for you.

This is the time when she would think about what both of you could have done differently to make things work. This will make her realize how she wants to give it another shot if the opportunity arises.

About the third day, after she has thought things over, she is in that zone where getting back together is all she wants. You won’t even have a hard time wooing her back because she is already contemplating the thought and is just waiting for you to pop the question.

3. Give Off A Confident Aura.

A confident man is very appealing to women. You might notice how girls giggle and blush over a guy with a confident walk. If you want to become more appealing to your ex girlfriend, be confident. Walk, dress, and act like a rock star. If you chance upon her, smile and acknowledge her. Make sure that she will sense that you do not need her. This will make her worried about you hitting it off with another girl so she will want you back instantly.

4. Act friendly but be distant.

Show her you’re cool. That everything else is okay. When you see her, be friendly, but not too much. Remember the previous tip, you have to act confident. Give her the “I don’t need you” air. Give her space. Don’t be constantly at her side, like a dog trailing his master. Do not completely ignore her because that may push her away. Act cool. She’ll notice it and get impressed by the way you ‘confidently handle’ yourself.

5. Show her the side of you she fell in love with.

Yes, people change. What she’s seen good in you may have changed overtime and it’s something she didn’t like. It wouldn’t hurt to show her that you’re still that person and that deep inside, that person still exists.

You must not give up on love. It’s easy to get your ex girlfriend back as long as you follow the things mentioned above. Be smart in how you try to get her back.

Get a proven plan to win your girlfriend back before she falls in love with someone else!

You’re heartbroken. You’re emotional. Ever since she broke up with you, you have never been the same man. But how can you tell you truly want her back, that you’re not just wailing “I want to get my girlfriend back!” as a knee-jerk reaction to a bad breakup? Take this four-way test.

1. Do you feel the urge to spy on her?

Do you jump at the slightest excuse to cruise past her house, walk around her neighborhood, or chug beer down at her regular watering hole? Nothing says in need and in love more than the compulsion to spy.

2. Are you practically glued to your phone or your laptop because of her?

Are you checking your email even as you read this? Do you carry the telephone around for fear that you would miss her call? Do you sometimes see her name where it shouldn’t be – on the From portion of every mail, for example?

3. Do you feel like tearing up – or actually do – each time you hear her name, catch a whiff of a scent that is so much like hers, or see her photo?

As far as syndromes of wanting to get back the ex go, this one is a home run. Not only have you not let go of her, you’re living with, for, and in her memory.

4. Do you rehearse what to say to her in the off-chance you run into her?

Do you practice your lines before a mirror? Does coming up with new lines help you sleep?

If you answered yes to at least two questions, you are truly not over her yet. In fact, you have it bad. Not only is every fiber of your being screaming “Show me how to get my girlfriend back!”, you have put your life on hold for her while you wait for the chance to rekindle old sparks.

Don’t despair, though, and stop pleading with friends, family, and even your retriever. Deal with the problem proactively by starting a campaign. Analyze why she left and in the meantime, don’t let yourself go to seed. Buff up. Learn to laugh again. Revisit the person you had been before. Show her that while you may hurt over her, you are still whole – a person who is easy to love and will love back in return.

How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back – The Plan

If you want to know how to get your ex girlfriend back as quickly as possible, you’ll want to read this article. Here’s 8 steps you should take if you want to get her back.

Get Her Back #1 – What women are thinking when they dump you:

Intrinsically women all want one thing from their man. They want you to lead and they want you to be their support. If you fail to be strong competitors in their eyes compared to all the other males that come under their radar, you will eventually lose and they will leave.

Often although not always, women will leave when someone else fulfils their needs more than you. This is going to hurt a great deal when you realize you’re in some ways ‘not good enough’ for your woman.

But that’s like saying someone with good qualities is a good quality person. You don’t have to be the best, you just have to be better than the rest. You already have a heads up compared to anyone else because you have a history with your ex. Now assuming your time together has been mostly good, she will more likely come back than invest in a risky new relationship.

This doesn’t need to be hard or about changing who you are to make her happy. You already have great qualities in you, you just need to bring them out more and let her see it.

Get Her Back #2 – What to do first? Listen to your ex

Women notice when you don’t listen to them. They are all about attention to details. This is why when they break up with you, you need to listen to their reason. Most of the time they just want you to acknowledge them and make you aware of a situation.

But what do you do if you suspect they’re hiding something?

1). Truth is you most likely won’t get the 100% truth no matter what you do, so the best you can do is take what they’ve said and use your own common sense to figure out the rest.

2). If they give you some lame line, be straight with them and ask them firmly to tell you the truth… or at least give an answer you can be satisfied with. Most of the time they will ‘want’ to tell the truth and if they’re not, perhaps you shouldn’t want them back anyway.

Get Her Back #3 – What You Can Learn From Her Reasons

Knowing the reason they dumped you is a start but you’re not going to do anything about it just yet. Common mistake is your ex will tell you X, Y and Z reason for breaking up and then you tell them “I’ll fix X, Y and Z, so please take me back.”

Sorry, but it’s a bit late for that. If that’s what they wanted you to do they wouldn’t be breaking up with you, they would just have a talk and then put you on trial for a few weeks.

If they’re breaking up with you, their reason is quite secondary to the decision to break up. This means you have to ‘respect’ their decision first and foremost.

If you try to argue with them or make them feel bad about doing this (even acting immature), this will make them think you don’t respect them or their decision. You don’t want that.

‘Show’ them you’re listening and taking in what they say by allowing them the distance they’re asking for.

In other words, leave them alone for now!

Get Her Back #4 – The Work-On-Yourself Period

It’s important you maintain No Contact after the break up. For both of your sakes. Don’t panic and think she will forget about you and move on merrily with the next guy that comes along. Even IF that happens, clinging onto her by calling and stalking everyday is only going to drive her into that other guy 10x faster!

On the other hand, keeping your distance will give her a chance to miss you. The result of this is she will start calling you. Be very careful here however.

She isn’t doing it to get you back; she just wants to know you are still around as Plan B if her current guy or situation doesn’t pan out well.

Ignore it. Stay platonic and brief. Not until you’re sure she wants you more than that.

Get Her Back #5 – Pushing Women’s Hot Buttons

In order for her to really want you back, you have to make her ‘desire’ you and think about you non-stop until it drives her crazy!

Earlier I said women want someone to lead and someone to support them. In other words, they want a real ‘man’ to protect and help them with their problems.

You need to show your strength and hide your weaknesses. Keeping some distance is good as it builds a new mystery around you and she will miss you when you don’t respond to her the way you used to.

Going out with other girls:

Show her you are desired by dating other women. Whether you feel ready or not, it’s still a very good tactic to get her attention very quickly.

Get Her Back #6 – Work out and take good care of yourself:

If you’ve gained weight, it’s time to trim that fat and get lean! Your physical change will signal to her that you’re not just all talk but you’re actually changing to become a better and improved person

Work on your habits or issues.

Know of some obvious issues that caused the breakdown of the relationship? It’s time to work on them. Just remember to do it for your own happiness not just for your ex. Any change you make needs to be long-term and not just a ploy to get your ex back.

Read this article here for more tips: Tips to Win Your Ex Back.

Get Her Back #7 – Re-Evaluate On 1^st of Every Month

It’s a good idea to keep a journal of how far you have come. Even if you still have your bad days you’ll notice things are getting better. Now I know realistically no guy is going to start writing in their journals every month to get their feelings straight. Instead you can ‘talk’ about your journey either to your friends, family or the less intimidating method of posting on message boards to a whole bunch of strangers.

Here are a few of my favourite:

Enotalone.com – favourite place for break up advice
Lovingyou.com – friendly people although they can be more ‘harsh’ about it… but truth hurts and they will be honest with you.
LoveShack.org – similar to the above but with more empathy towards the dumped

Either way it’s good to reflect on the process and the most important thing is that you have grown and ‘learned’ something.

Get Her Back #8 – Getting Her Back

While you’re working hard on yourself and keeping busy you will notice every now and then your ex sporadically popping into your life. What do you do if they talk to you? Keep calling you? What if you screw things up?

Really the only way you can screw it up is if you revert back to showing weakness and acting like you’re her doormat. So just be natural and see where it goes.

Now very likely by this stage, if your ex is seeing major improvements on your end, they will start to act different. This might not be straight away, but sooner or later you’ll sense them giving off ‘signals’.

This is where you act and do it quick before they think you’ve lost all interest in them. You do it casually, ask her out on a date; something non-intimidating and best of all, fun.

The trick is to make this date absolutely unforgettable. You want to really blow her mind so it leaves her excited and begging to come back for more.

oing out with other girls:

Showingo.s a new mystery around you. them. however.

only going to drive her away into that other g Plan it well beforehand and make this one special.

Dating etiquettes:

DO make a lot of jokes and make her laugh.

DO take her to more than one place (several if possible).

DO for the most part take your cue from her.

DON’T come onto her too strong if you sense things are going well.

DON’T get all serious on her, remember it’s just one small date.

That’s about it. Of course I can’t guarantee anything but just remember if you continue to do the same thing and it’s not getting you results, the only way to succeed is to DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

Also remember, if for whatever reason she doesn’t come back, does it really matter? I know by then you would be well moved on and you wouldn’t even care as much as you do right now.

Want to know if you really have a chance to get her back? Take this short quiz and find out!

How Do I Get My Girlfriend Back?

I have split up the sections for men and women because getting a former girlfriend back is quite different to getting a boyfriend back. Any articles you read that doesn’t point out the differences are not telling you the whole story. This article outlines things you need to be aware of to get a woman’s attention.

If you were dumped

Let’s discuss some of the likely reasons why your ex-girlfriend might have left you. Generally speaking most women love romance and to be treated like princesses. They want to be swept off their feet by prince charming.

This doesn’t mean you have to be the most gorgeous guy with the charisma of Brad Pitt. It does mean that through you, she wants to experience adventure, fun and romance.

With that said, you probably heard that some women are attracted to ‘bad’ boys. Women don’t really want ‘bad’ boys but they DO want someone who challenges them, offers adventure, isn’t needy and someone who is confident and in control.

Some men with these characteristic will appear not to treat women well because they just ‘do what they want‘. To women however, these men brings along excitement, spontaneity and an adventureous spirit.

Where do you go from here?

Remember women are attracted to:

• confidence
• passion
• adventure
• spontanety
• and feeling appreciated/loved

The most important out of the above is by far the need to ‘feel appreciated’. If your woman stops feeling like you’re contributing and you truly appreciate her on a daily basis, she will eventually look for it elsewhere.

Getting Her Back Action Plan

The fact that she was attracted to you once shows you have the qualities she wanted in a partner. What likely happened was as the two of you grew out of the ‘honeymoon period’, your ex felt less and less special or needed in the way she first had. 

Getting your girlfriend back is about understanding what they really want and what makes them tick.

Check out: How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back In 10 Steps Or Less.