I see a common mistake people make when they lament about trying to get an ex back. I feel this is something that is not quite emphasized as much as it should have been because it’s one of the more “passive” steps when trying to get an ex back. However it is one of THE MOST important aspects to get right if you’re trying to get your ex back.

Above knowing exactly what to say, what to do, what not to do and having the right mindset and attitude when trying to get your ex back. This one is really under-preached… perhaps because the truth hurts?

The very first and more important thing you must do if you’re trying to get your ex back, is to know EXACTLY why your relationship failed to work in the first place.

This is so important because if you go ahead and try out the latest bells and whistles to getting your ex back… perhaps you may get them back for a day, a week or a month, but guess what? The issues that caused the break up is still going to be there.

It’s like trying to rid your house of a fishy smell by cleaning the carpet with the latest anti-bacterial products when you really should be locating the fish and tossing it out for good.

You can’t hope to fix your relationship and most important maintain it if you don’t know or don’t want to know what caused the break up in the first place.

Now I’ll tell you a little secret:

Most people KNOW already why the relationship didn’t work.
They just don’t want to ADMIT it because admitting it means potential pain for them.

What is this pain?

Reason:
“I’m leaving this relationship because you smoke too much and you don’t value health and hygiene as much as I do.”

You:
“Oh no, I have to stop smoking (pain), start exercising daily (pain) and completely clean up my act (work + work = pain).”

What you try to tell yourself instead:
“It must be because we argued about the dinner the other night, I didn’t show her as much appreciation as I should have… I didn’t tell her I loved her enough… etc.”

See the lies we tell ourselves? Could you be avoiding something else that perhaps you don’t want to change or can’t be bothered to deal with?

Because if you’re willing to admit the real reason that your ex left, then you’ll have to accept the consequences. Either accepting that you don’t live up to their standards anymore and you’ve been dumped for someone better or you need to RAISE your standards.

Raising your standards could potentially mean a lot of work and a lot of pain.

And what is worse is that the reward is not guaranteed either.

Even if you do clean up your act, stop smoking, start working out and looking after yourself, there is NO guarantee that your ex will just come running back to you.

So why should you even bother?

This is how you fall into stagnation, it’s also why your ex probably left because they really needed to and you need to accept that they need someone who can provide them better with what they need.

Unless of course you decide NOT to allow yourself to fall into this rut.

The first step is acknowledging what you’re doing and recognising if you are just making excuses for yourself so you don’t need to put in any work.

The key to motivating yourself is to do things for yourself and not for your ex. Because if you do all this work just to get rewarded by someone else… the minute that you don’t get it, you’ll fall back into your rut again.

If it’s smoking you need to quit and health you need to improve on. You must do it for yourself. Think of all the reasons that not smoking will benefit you in the future, think of how great it is to be able to move through life full of energy and exuberance, to breathe deep and full and to feel completely alive because you’ve taken good care of your body. Your body is your temple after all.

Now it doesn’t matter if your ex happens to notice or not, but if they do, then that’s an added bonus isn’t it?

If they suddenly decide – due to all these changes you have made in your life because you wanted to improve for yourself, that they are attracted to this new you, that they see a future with this new you, isn’t this another bonus?

The truth is, you must be good to yourself first, the more you value yourself, the more value others will place on you too.

When there are two people interacting, the person who is MOST confident at that moment gets to lead and direct the other person. If you’re the more confident one of your ex, you’ll have the power to lead the interaction, the relationship and what will happen next in your relationship. The only way to obtain this power is to be more sure of yourself than your ex.

The only place to start is at the beginning. Be completely honest with yourself and ask yourself exactly why the relationship failed.

Only when you start to be honest and face the consequences will you be able to move forward and see the results you desire.

Keep this very important point in mind when you’re trying to get your ex back and it might be the most valuable thing you learn today.

Don’t wait to reunite, you may lose them forever, click here for the fastest method to win your ex back.

Sometimes when you want something to be true, it’s easy to over-analysis every detail or instance and wonder if perhaps your ex really wants you back. You have to be careful you don’t fall into this trap. Your ex might still have feelings for you, but not necessarrily do they want you back. So how can you really tell what they’re thinking?

Here are some signs and what they might mean:

• Your ex continues to keep in contact with you and initiate contact with you. Do not mistake this as times when they ‘have to’ out of obligation. This means they contact you for no reason just to chat and catch up.
• They are not seeing anyone new and are not planning on pursuing new relationships anytime soon.
• They are trying to better themselves, by visually changing their appearance to one they know you would like, or they are improving their personality or habit to appear more attractive to you.
• They are always sweet, nice and generous when they are around you. They want to offer you advice and help you whenever they can.
• They have spoken about the break up and pointed out their point of view about things that might have been misunderstood at the time. They also try to let you know how they would do things differently.
• They are flirtatious and possibly slightly flustered and nervous when you’re around them.
• They make an effort to spend time with you when you really need them.
• They talk of the future as if you’re going to be in it.

If most of these ring a bell with you, then they are still in love with you and continue to have hope there is a possible future with you. However, this does NOT necessarily mean they will get back with you if you asked them right then and there. If they did the breaking up, right now they are sending very mixed and confusing signals. If that is true then that would mean:

• They have mixed emotions. On the one hand they want to be with you but on the other, the problems that caused the break up in the first place still lingers in the back of their mind.
• They are waiting to see what you will do. In a way they are keeping an eye on you and testing you to see if you’ll change a certain behaviour or habit that caused the break up in the first place.
• They are ‘teasing you’. It could simply be an ego boast for them knowing that you want them. How can you really tell?
• They need more time and need to be single for now. Some people really DO need to take a break from a relationship, especially one that has been going well. They need this time to find out who they are on their own. This is extremely important. This is something they need to do to better their future relationships with anyone, whether it is you, someone else or simply with themselves. Be a friend for them and they will be ever grateful to you.

Make sure to check out: Is Your Ex Leading You On to make sure you’re not misintrepreting them wanting you back as them taking advantage of you.

Don’t wait to reunite, you may lose them forever, click here for the fastest method to win your ex back.

Should I Get Back Together With My Ex?

Going back to an ex is a nice fantasy for some of us, but it’s not always a good idea. If you’re having thoughts of getting back together with your ex, here are some things you should consider first:

Are you in another relationship?

Thinking of your ex while in another relationship could be a sign that you jumped into a new relationship way too soon. On the other hand, a sudden attraction towards your ex could be another way of telling you that your current relationship is having issues and you should stop avoiding them. Remember why the previous relationship with your ex didn’t work out and try to focus on resolving any issues with your current partner. It is also probably wise not to indulge too much time with your ex at this point if you’re having inappropriate thoughts about them.

Have past issues being resolved?

If some time has past since you last saw your ex, are you sure the issues of the past won’t re-surface again? Time has a habit of making us forget our mistakes and hence why history likes to repeat itself. Be careful you’re not stumbling down a familiar road of more heartache and trouble.

Craving for some excitement?

Sometimes when we become bored with the mundane routine of life, something new and exciting comes along that will seem irresistably enticing all of a sudden. We tend to do things we’re not ‘meant’ to so be careful your actions won’t result in severe consequences in the future.

A second chance at love?

Sometimes a relationship need to fail a few times before we ‘get it right’. A few past mistakes and failures could be the preview to a great love story. People can change and those that once fell out of love can re-ignite passion and grow an everlasting love for life. Stranger things have happened. The important thing is that we learn from our mistakes and to not expect the past to equal the future. Listen to your heart and don’t be afraid to take a risk every now and then.

Why wait to reunite? The fastest way to get your ex back.

If you’re thinking about getting back together with an ex, or the possibility of getting back together, be weary of heading down a rocky road to begin with. Things may have cooled since the break up, and now you’re itching to find out whether a reunion is still indeed possible. Sure, you may have said some things you didn’t mean, and perhaps you’ve changed for the better and want your ex back; how do they feel about you now? And if chances are looking grim, is it still implausible that you’ll get back together in the future? Also check out: The Get Back Together With Your Ex Checklist

Honestly, this is a hard question to answer considering I don’t know you or your situation. However no matter what has happened between you, remember the PAST does NOT equal the future, and it’s never too late to start changing your situation around.

This means, if you’re not on speaking terms with your ex, you can get on speaking terms and remain as such without wanting to scream and argue. You simply need to know more efficient ways of communication and taking baby-steps towards progress.

Sometimes however your energy might be better spent elsewhere instead. If your relationship was overall detrimental to your health, you should consider putting it behind you for good as such a thing can only bring about more heartache and pain. Unless you see massive changes coming from your ex, you shouldn’t bother getting back into your ex’s life.

The ability to get back together with your ex, really comes down to you and the right timing. Love usually hits us when we least expect it so it’s best to push all conscious desires to get back together far in the back of your head and simply concentrate on maintaining a positive and rewarding friendship with your ex instead.

As cliche as this may sound, anything is possible, but if you’re not following a plan that will ensure you’re headed in the right direction (towards your ex instead of away), then your chances will be slim.

Follow the right plan for you to ensure you get back together with your ex quickly.

If your ex has finally succumbed and gave you the go ahead to getting back together, before you get too excited, let’s have a look at the Get Back Together Checklist – a list of things that should be ironed out or at least in the process of being ironed out if you wish to sustain this relationship long-term into the future.

Past issue have been resolved. Admittedly this might be hard for most people to answer. How do you define ‘resolved’? This depends on your unique situation but as long as you and your ex are willing to resolve these issues together, place a tick next to this one.

You learned a lesson. Break ups don’t just happen out of nowhere and for no good reason. If you’re struggling to figure out this one, perhaps you haven’t looked deep enough yet. On the other hand maybe you have learnt several lessons. Jot them down.

Future looks bright and promising. When you look to the future of your relationship, does it differ from your past? I hope so. Understand that you and your partner will change and your relationship will change. Does that scare you?

You can live without them. One of the biggest lessons that you should have learned from the break up is that you don’t ‘need’ your partner in your life. You can enjoy life just as much without them in it. Of course that doesn’t mean you should or you have to, just that you know you’ll be fine if a break up was to happen again.

Your life goals and core beliefs are aligned. Your goals doesn’t need to match, in fact it’s good to have differing goals in life, but what IS important is that you compliment one another and your core beliefs also go together well. Remember you will be with this person for a long time (if all goes well) make sure you get off on a good start.

Willing to compromise. Understand that things won’t always go the way you want and sometimes you will have to sacrifice a thing or two for the sake of the relationship. Be prepared to give and take a little.

You’re confident your ex is coming back because he/she loves you for you. Clearly I wouldn’t want you to go back into an abusive or unhealthy relationship. This means, your ex should have respect for you and are willing to put effort into this relationship as much as you will.

You love your ex for them, not for who you want them to be. On the flip side to the last point, you also have to accept your ex for who they are. Don’t try to change them because there’s a part of them you’re not happy with. It’s best to focus your energy on elements you CAN change, such as yourself.

Willing to put the past behind you. Remember don’t live and dwell on the past. Each new day with your partner is another day of fun, love and compassion. I hate holding grudges as it’s just stupid to hold onto something that has already happened. There’s nothing you can do about it, but there IS something you can do about the present.

Continue the relationship with you… give regular love and attention to yourself first. Just because you’re with someone romantically doesn’t mean you should stop the relationship you’ve developed with yourself. You should always continue to improve and better yourself or you might find an unhappiness brewing just underneath the surface waiting to explode in the future. Take care of your needs too.

How did you go? 10/10? As long as you keep these in mind, you shouldn’t have too many problems with your relationship, and even if things do fall apart, you’ll know why and why to let it go this time. Remember if you’re centred and confident with having no one but yourself to fall back on, you will do well no matter what life throws at you.

9/10 break ups STAY that way,  can your relationship survive?

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