Still find yourself in love with your ex? This is the toughest thing to deal with; loving someone in the past who may or may not have forgotten about you. So what can you do? Stay loving them, missing them and crying about them?

Wanting and loving someone you don’t have or can’t have is the ultimate torture-chamber. At the same time you feel you can’t help it either. So if you can’t help it and you still love your ex and want them back, is there some better way to cope with this?

You start by acknowledging the fact that you still have feelings, but realizing that although you can’t help how you feel, you can help how you deal with it.

Instead of saying to yourself:

“Oh god I miss and love my ex so much!”

Say:

“I still have feelings for my ex, it’s just going to take some time for me to get over this.”

The language you use with yourself is very important in changing the way you feel about something.

Remember you love someone who you still have issues with. Next time you start missing and thinking about your ex, think about why you broke up in the first place and all the problems the two of you faced. Does the good outweigh the bad?

Also ask yourself why you are still want your ex back? Are you lonely? Can you not find anyone compares to your ex? Can you just not be bothered to go out there and look? Are you just stuck wanting to do the same thing you always did?

There’s some things to think about.

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When you’re still in love with your ex, it’s hard to move on, if at all. How can you get your ex back? Was there any closure to your break up? Do you know exactly why the relationship ended and does this effort how you feel towards them?

Relationships tend to end for a reason and not just because you were having a bad day. There are some cases however where issues seemingly come out of nowhere and the next thing you know your lover has said goodbye and you’re left shocked and unable to move on. This usually happens because:

An underlying issue has been building up, as small as it may be, if not dealt with over long periods of time, they can make someone snap. It is likely they have been suppressing an annoyance or conflict of theirs until finally it has tipped them over the edge.

They didn’t know their relationship was lacking until they met someone else. It’s sad but true that sometimes you lose out because someone else came along. This doesn’t mean that other person is better than you. It does mean, the relationship wasn’t fulfilling a certain need and your ex saw it might be fulfilled by someone else. This is often an illusion and hence why 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with what you did wrong or what you failed to do. An experience might have triggered something in your ex where they felt no longer satisfied with their life.

It is important you realize you were not any fault or wrong in their life. This is purely an internal dissatisfaction with themself and they feel compelled to start over by leaving behind the things that once made sense to them. Sadly this can effort the people who love them the most, but at the end of the day if you want them to be truly happy, allow them to find out who they are and what they want. They may come back to you but for now, you need to learn to give them space.

How to resolve your feelings and deal with this loss?

It is important for you to tell your ex how you feel but there is a right way and a wrong way to do this. The right way ensures the best possible chance of them coming back to you and the wrong way might mean losing them forever. There is no need to make a mistake here but often people do because they simply have never been taught the ‘right’ way.

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These first steps are to help you regain control of a situation where you might initially feel helpless. They will also put you out of dealing any additional harm to your relationship by acting on mere emotions and panic. This period is important and you should embrace it without fear of losing your ex in any way.

Give yourself space to heal

It’s important to accept and even welcome the pain that comes after a break up. You need to let your emotions out and it is recommended to do it alone. It’s absolutely normal and healthy to feel this way. You will feel better after a few days of crying and mourning, just make sure you let your emotions out in a safe and healthy way.

Minimize all contact

In fact it is highly recommended to adhere to the no contact rule. This means no communication with your ex at all. Unfortunately this is easier said than done in 90% of the cases. What you need to be aware of is the more you stay in contact with your ex the more likely they will want to ‘remain’ this way. This is not where you want to stay, unless you want to be seen as a ‘friend’ only.

Let go of any negative emotions

This could be anger towards yourself or anger towards your ex. You need to let go of any bitterness or resentment over anything related to the break up or relationship in order to step forward and move in a new direction. You will feel a huge weigh removed from you if you truly allow yourself to let go and make peace with your inner voice and conscience.

Get your head on straight

Once you’re more settled emotionally, get a notebook and write down what exactly went wrong with the relationship. A good tip is to start writing and continue to write as thoughts come to you. This isn’t meant to be read by anyone. Just write everything down and don’t hold anything back. Once you’re done, you’ll be able to see the situation a little clearer.

Getting your plan together

Getting your action plan together is the blueprint you need to make sure you stay focused. The most important thing about guides is they help you see the bigger picture and lead you by the hand to get your ex back.

If you’re stuck in the here and now, your situation will clearly seem bleak, but zoom out a little and with the help of these guides, you’ll see that your situation isn’t as hopeless as you first thought.

Which guide is best for me?