Relationships can mean a lot of pain or a lot of joy. Generally it’s not always easy to just try on a lot of people and hope eventually you’ll hit the jackpot. Often, we enter relationships without understanding what we’re really looking for and when we get the raw end of the deal, we end up dissatisfied, frustrated and even more bitter about the whole thing.
So what are the biggest reasons for break ups?
One of the biggest reasons for relationship failure is a lack of trust and communication. Believe it or not, most people would rather sulk and dwell on their problems than talk about it openly with their partners. In the light of avoiding conflict and temporarily discomfort, people are really asking for trouble and bigger heartache in the future.
A relationship that works is one with doses of love, understanding, connection, comfort and commitment. For many, they settle for less than they deserve in each category, until one day, their standard-meter drop so low they are sparked to do something about it. Some people jump in and out of short term relationships like trying on new pairs of shoes – running at the first sign of trouble, while others – more patient – will stick around for longer.
Sometimes break ups occur after the honeymoon period is over and reality sets in. Sometimes people grow apart and want different things in life. Sometimes their relationship turn boring and stale, and people want to experience more.
One thing that is common is that we tend to seek partners who share the same values we do. See, we believe we are a certain type of person. We look for those with similar traits and sometimes even settle for less just to feel “better about ourselves”. However, a relationship must grow in some direction. Whether two people are growing together, or they are growing apart, it is always growing.
Tension can be created little by little each day because changes won’t be obvious at first. Little issues creep into our day-to-day life and the more we’re in the red around our partner, the more negative emotions we associate to them.
Eventually you find yourself not being able to stand your partner anymore… or vice versa… they wake up and announce they don’t want to be with you anymore. Usually one person will transition to this stage before the other, and this can bring about another mileage of fights and arguments.
Sometimes there won’t even be a clear articulation of reasons for the break up. “It’s just so many little things.” Sometimes you could spend hours talking about it and not end up the wiser. Sometimes you just want to deny everything that is discussed and refuse to accept it’s over.
Whatever the reason, a break up doesn’t happen unless something was wrong with the relationship. The best thing you can do is ask yourself, “What does my partner really want and why have I not being able to provide them with this need?” Next ask yourself, “What do I want and why has my partner not being able to meet my needs?”
As said many times, the last thing you should do is resist the break up and try to forcibly “get him or her back” via less attractive means. Even if you disagree with the break up, further conflict at this point will only put you more in the red during these sensitive times.
Should you really look at it as a failure? No way! Each break up takes you a step closer to understanding who you are and what kind of person would best make you happy. Being conscious of what you do in a relationship and your regular thought patterns, you can learn to avoid common arguments and overall enjoy a much more fulfilling relationship.
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