It’s difficult when you want to explain yourself or see how they’re doing but they’ve decided to shut themself off from you.
If you’re wondering if they’re ok, what they possibly could be thinking, what’s going to happen to the relationship, how you can get them back but they just don’t want to hear it or give you a chance, here’s how you can get them to talk to you again.
If you’re trying to talk to your ex too soon, they’ll think you’re being annoying and want to distance themselves even further. Allow them the space to cool off and get their thoughts in order. Give them the time to miss you and they will eventually open the lines of communication.
If your ex has reasons to not forgive you very quickly, send them a brief but sincere apology through email or by phone. Let them know you would rather talk and explain in person but you’re willing to wait until they feel ready.
In situations where some time has passed since your break up and your ex still won’t talk to you. Let me share a trick that will peak their curiosity and get them calling or emailing you back.
First let’s talk about what doesn’t work:
These usually fall into 2 categories:
The PLEAD where the message sounds like:
“Tom, please call me back. I really need to talk to you.”
And the EMERGENCY:
“Jane, this is an emergency. Please call me back as soon as you get this.”
Both puts you in a bad position.
They scream desperation and really adds no value to them calling. You want your message to intrigue and compel them to call you even if they are set on hating you right now.
Use Curiosity & Self Interest To Your Advantage
Construct your message to peak their curiosity and self-interest. For example, tell them in a friendly tone:
“Hey Tom, this is Jane, I wanted to call you to thank you for what you have done for me. Call me because I want to thank you in person and I also have exciting news!”
This is sure to peak their interest and compel them to call and find out WHY you’re thanking them and also what the great news is. Obviously you need to have some exciting news ready to share with them. Getting them to call when you’re unprepared can be worse than them not calling at all.
