About
GetExBack.net was created in June or July of 2008 by me Ashley Kay. I created this blog to help those seeking advice on a subject not that openly talked about. Especially amongst friends and families anyway. Most people would just say to “get over it” or that “she or he doesn’t deserve you”. But relationships are much more complicated and full of dynamics. Although I have to admit, some relationships definitely need to end for everyone’s sakes, on the other hand, we all know of couples who have broken up and gotten back together.
The purpose of the blog is not to “lead people on” or to cling onto some hope that you will get your ex back even when the relationship is doomed or not worth saving. The advice I give is based on my opinion that “everyone deserves a second chance”, and people should try to make a relationship work even if it didn’t the first time around.
The way we learn valuable life lessons is to make mistakes; whether that means you should try again with your ex partner or to move on to is something only you can answer yourself. I’m here to help you decide which way you want to go through educating you on what works and what doesn’t. That also means providing you advice on what needs to be done to secure long term success in a relationship.
My goal is to inform people no matter which road they want to take, so they can make the most intelligent decision.
I’m also the creator and author of The Ex Recovery System, a book I wrote while I was in search for relationship answers myself. The purpose of the book is to provide a step-by-step complete guide to follow if you want to get back together with your ex. Within The Ex Recovery System I reveal some of the biggest reasons people fail, how to regain power of your relationship and the psychological mindset you must understand before jumping in to getting your ex back.
- Check out in detail what The Ex Recovery System contains
- Why it’s different from other products on the market
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Hello,
I was wondering if you would be able to help me with a
problem I am having when trying to get my ex – girlfriend
back. I have broken contact with her for 3.5 weeks and have
now decided to contact her about the possibility of meeting
up. I would like to meet up with her “as friends” so that I
can sneak in under the radar and present the more attractive
person I feel I have become to her. I used to be constantly
seeking approval from her and she was the one in control of
the relationship not me. I want to show I can lead her and
be decisive when around her. I sent her the following
message:
Hey!
I just wanted to tell you that you were right… The breakup
was definitely for the best. It would really be a shame to
throw away our friendship though. I’m going into town at
some point this week to look for some new clothes to take
away with me on holiday. How about you come with me, you
could help me look for something nice. We can work on being
friends again, no hard feelings.
I thought it was a good message, but she replied with this:
‘Who said we’re throwing our friendship away??? I thought we
were already friends??
What should I say to this and where should I go from here?
Thanks so much in advance,
Chris Evans
I recently was dumped by my girlfriend…we were with eachother for a long time…i want her back but i was stupid and did the one thing i shouldnt of and told her i wanted her back and i contacted her way too much to try and “win” her back….she is talking to another guy…is it alright if i send an email apologizing for my stupid rash behavior and then give her space..we go to the same school and he doesnt and she wont do a long term relationship with him. do u think there is anyway to get her back
Hey Ashley Kay, I was wondering if you could help me, I cheated on my boyfriend, well, I was talking dirty to a friend on msn whilst he was doing stuff on webcam….
My boyfriend found the conversations and left me, this drove me into depression because he means a lot to me,we have been apart since 14 July. A few weeks after the break up we were meeting up and talking about it all. We were close to getting back together but when he wanted to cuddle me, I let my hands wonder and we ended up doing something. Us doing this made him think about what I had done and he had a go at me the next day, and since then, he’s constantly having a go at me, then ignoring me, then having a go again,I don’t know what to do,I really want him back,I love him so much,would you be able to help me please??,my friends keep telling me to move on,but I can’t because of how much I love him. I hope you can help me, I really miss him,:(.
HI,
My boyfriend of 2 years decided last year through a series of discussion that we needed to break up in order for him to sort out things and his life before we could move forward. he proposed we need no contact as that is what hispsychologist told him. I thought it was rather odd and grew anxious and obvioulsy sceptical about it. Xmas cam and he became somewhat obsessive following me around and started criticing me and accusing me of being with others. he went from mr adorable to Mr nightmare. Its now sept and he has contacted me on numerous occassions throughout the year includes drive bys by my home to cofee to texts to a surptise visit. he said he is working on his issues and is being fair to me by beig distant. It has had a huge impact on me and I am not sure now how to deal with it any more. I have bought ex back recovery but hasnt wokred. when i ask is there someone else or how is he going with his issues he says no to the firswt one and that he is sorting out his life but he remains non commital. he says he doesnt want to hurt me but obviulsy has. So it feels like form my end their is some other secret wheterh it be mental illness, a secret girlfriend or maybe a wife, or some other bizarre thing or perhas he is not into me anymore but cant tell me that !!!What a cop out. If I stay away and do no contact eventually he contacts but there are no answers. Very painful as i want to know the truth. He denies following me around although I saw it, ism not clear on what his issues are and says he cant give me a time frame. He says its not fair on me if he sees me….Am i dealing with a psycho ?I have gone mad but life goes on.
Hi Ashley!
I tried the NO Contact rule. It worked. My ex calls me to see how I am, tells me his misses us being together, etc. EXCEPT, he says he loves me and just wants to be friends for now. That is not what I want. Sometimes he goes back and forth between being friends and getting back together again taking it slow. Should I just do the NO Contact again and then when he asks email him “I’ve crazy busy (in the best way!!!!) things are finally looking up for me…” And just wait to see if he will finally say he is ready to take me back??? I need to know where to go from here. I’m lost…
how do you know when to count your loses and just move on
I was with my girlfriend for 2 months and a bit, until things collapsed completely. I only got with her knowing her only for two week previously (which wasn’t the best idea) it’s bin almost two months now since the break up, and we regularly contact one another through messenger and fb chat and text.
for the first month we split I attempted so hard to get back with her, giving her all my attention and she took it for granted so I ended up sending her a long mail saying I wanted her back but she just wanted to be friends…for now.
the break up was very mutual, we only broke up for the reason of not knowing each other, we never argued or had much problems just the fact we didn’t know each other to greatly.
as soon as I decided to decrease my contact with her she began to put in the effort – for example now I would never hardly start a conversation I leave it down to her, and since then she has spoken to me more openly and less bluntly as she did when I was chasing her which confused me an awful lot.
almost two months down the line I’ve bin getting mixed signals, on and off. one minute I will receive so much attention and the next, coldness or nothing. she’s a very flirtatious character but yet she keeps telling me she isn’t interested in anyone and she’s starting to act and get close again I don’t know what or how I should take this. I mean I want her back but, should I just continue this friendship and see where in leads us to when we become close or just move on?
yesterday a text popped up also stating she wanted me over which was odd she never used to invite me places even when we were together but this was different, I went over and I ended up getting to drunk…without realising I broke down and cried about her (of course I can’t remember) saying ‘I loved her and I was to afraid to tell her’ but I knew fully well I didn’t. Im worried she may of took this the wrong way, I haven’t contacted her since yesterday to say anything apart from I apologised by text about the incident but she never replied.
Well you might think this sounds stupid or cute but I’m only 13 years old and I really don’t know what to do about my ex. Well seventh grade is not the big leagues or anything but I just really need some guidance right now. My ex is someone very special because we had a really cool connection. After school on the day I asked her out I was singing and playing piano and when all of a sudden I hear such a beautiful voice I go look around to see what it is. And to my surprise it’s her singing and playing piano. Now six years is a long long time compared to 2 months. But in Middle school that’s a while.I felt so happy with her and this was not my first relationship so I knew when I was happy. She was happy to until the last week in October when she dumped me.it’s been 7 months we are friends now and talk to each other every once in a while. The word love is tossed around a lot but I truly loved her and even after 7 months I’m still traumatized and sad by this she does not know that I feel this way she thinks I’m ok with the breakup and I try to be but it’s hard to keep it up. My family is not doing well financially but all I want is some one to talk to. Please help me.
When you were a college student, you said in one of your videos that the guy you used to date at the time ended up trying to get you back. How did you deal with that and what did you do? How are you guys now?
Hi Ashley,
I’m very confused at the minute and would be really grateful for some advice.
Have been broken up for 1 year. We’ve known each other 3 years, lived together for 2 years. Loved each other a lot, had a lot of fun, and were incredibly attracted to each other the entire time (and even after we broke up – for a while before things got messy). We broke up because of our lifestyles; the things we were doing caused a lot of friction between us and inevitably resulted in both of us hurting each other.
After breaking up the situation turned sour, but still… love and attraction were not gone. She had to break-up because we were arguments over silly things and it became frequent.
After a month (or less) or so being broke up she got with another guy… constantly called him my name, constantly cried about me and constantly spoke about me with her friends (I know this as I’ve spoke with her best friend).
This “rebound” went on, I made the usual mistakes of threatening him, telling her she was rebounding and open her eyes! Begging, pleading. The usual bad mistakes until I stopped a few months back… bare in mind. This entire time we were always in contact with each other she even initiated contact with me. It was generally always bad contact, us both arguing, fighting over the break-up and this other guy.
Anyway, a month or so ago… after those couple of months not contacting each other… we’ve started chatting. Something seriously big has changed. We both no longer live the lifestyle we lived (both a lot more chilled and not doing the things we used to before we even met) and we both have completely forgiven each other. We are actually talking!
She told me she is not in love with anyone, not even sure she likes this guy anymore and would like to be friends… I am like “what the f**k!!!!, Where’d this come from?”. I did say I’ like to get to know her again, possibly try and rekindle things… I was nothing like I used to be. In fact I felt ok with things. She said “No I just want to be friends…” which I replied “I cant really just be friends but I will be friends with you for a while to see how things go.”. She neither agreed or disagreed but still contacts me. I never contact her. From what we were like months back this is a 180 turn around!
We still haven’t exchanged phone numbers, I changed mine first because it was getting too much for me and I couldn’t cope with us both being in touch. And then she changed hers. We both blocked each other on social networks and removed everything from our lives which reminded us both of each other. This was a good move and was needed. Working in IT I use IM as a means to chat to colleagues etc, thats how she found me again.
Anyway, after a few days chatting I gave her my number and said “sure call me sometime and we’ll have a chat”. She is still with this guy and said “I might call you whenever we break up”. I kinda laughed about it but explained it wasn’t exactly nice to talk with one another… for obvious reasons. She agreed but still contacts me frequently and is now being very open and warm. However, there are moments when she withdraws. I am taking everything in my stride, trying to avoid hinting to to chatting on the phone, meeting or anything to do with anything and I am shortening my answers and lessening the contact we have with each other. Just to keep myself safe.
I am under no disillusion, this girl would have married me. We never fell out of love, we needed to break up and I see now that it did us both the world of good. Bt there is still something there that I cant exactly explain. She tells me things that are quite personal, and no one knows we are talking.
I’d just like to know how to further this progression into her calling me and completely removing herself from the rebound she ended up in and then aim towards building attraction back up. I’ve been pretty cool about things but know I have to change something soon.
Thanks
My boyfriend and I were together for nearly 4 years. During our time together we were deeply in love and we only had eyes for each other. The main problem with our relationship was I was always depressed about my own personal problems and I had a nasty habit of sometimes venting it out on him. I would say things like “your words aren’t really helping me at the moment”, “you don’t understand what im going through”, or “you have life easy everything is set out for you while I’m busting myself to get what i want and it backfires”.
We have broken up because of this i think either once or twice. Both times he wrote me a letter saying he still loved me and that he will take me back so long as i promise to change. I made the promise but my personal problems only got worse and worse and I found it too difficult to change. Also I think he got tired of being with a depressed person. He made alot of effort to make me happy and i let him know that i appreciate him so much for being there for me. When we were together nearly all of our friends believed that we would be together for the rest of our lives and even get married. They said we had that “good vibe” and that “you can tell which couple are good for each other or not” and we were that good couple. He cared for me deeply and i cared for him alot as well. I tried my best to show him just how important he was to me.
It was strange how the breakup happened. I’ve read alot of forums about the guy slowly losing interest and distancing himself. But this wasn’t the case with my breakup. I was having alot of trouble with my workplace since i was on the verge of getting fired. So he msgd alot asking how i was, to take care of my health, and that he really wanted to see me. I forgot to mention that i had a bad habit of not letting him help me cause i was afraid of burdening him with my problems so i said no. Anyway on the day that he broke up with me, in the morning and afternoon he was at work yet he still msgd saying he wanted to come over the my house. At first i said no but eventually i said yes since he kept asking.
On that night when he was at my house, we were talking about how we deal and see people in general. We disagreed we didnt argue. I was pessimistic saying that most of the ppl i met in my life were bad, people can’t be trusted and that people dont care. He argued the opposite. Eventually we got annoyed at each other so i drove him home (he doesnt drive). Once we were parked in front of his house he said hes breaking up with me because “he doesnt want it anymore” and “he doesnt want to be with me anymore”. It was at this point that i begged and cried for him to take me back but he refused and pushed me away.
After the breakup, it was strange but we hung out alot. He even attended my graduation and bought me a bear. We went swimming even and he even asked if i wanted to join him in going out with a mutual friend of ours. One night at 3am, he even msgd me saying he just got home, goodnite, and that he was drunk. He even called me that night asking was I ok and that he was checking to make sure.
Sadly on one very bad Friday night, he was hosting a movie night and i went over. He said “if you are fine with us being friends then i dont mind seeing you, if you hope that we will get back 2gthr then dont come”. I was thinking to myself that i could handle us being friends but i thought wrong. He brought it up again when i was at his house and things got pretty bad. There was no screaming: just me crying and him saying that he didnt want to be with me anymore and that was that. He said he still cared for me alot and he “doesnt mind us being friends”
It’s been nearly 3 weeks since that night and we havn’t talked since. During that time I’ve been looking reading breakup books and tips. I’ve learnt that i need to give him space, apply the “no contact rule”, work on myself, make myself more healthy and confident, pretty much get my crap in order. I have to admit I think im doing pretty well. I dont cry over him anymore and I’ve been feeling more better since that Friday night. I still miss him terribly and i still love him so much. At times i give up hope about us getting back together, at others Im thinking we will get back together it just requires time. I’ve also read some relationship books and what Ive realized was that i was the doormat girlfriend. I gave up my life to be a part of his. I forogt my friends, my studies and even my job to be with him. If i do get back with him, I’m determined to be more stronger and have my own seperate life and let him kno that he wont have 100% hold on me.
it’s strange cuz our mutual friend said that he sometimes brings me up when they go out like “Oh she likes this”, or “i think she wouldv liked that”. Unfortunately he defriended me on facebook and he even told our friend that he would “chuck a party once she gets over me”.
Im very confused as to what he is thinking and whether he still cares or loves me. This is my story. I hope i didnt forget to add anything.
I would really like to hear your insight into my problem. If you have any constructive criticism I would like to hear it since i think i need that in order to improve myself and hopefully repair my relationship with my ex.
Tina
Hi Ashley and Support,
I’ve been broken up with my long distance ex for 3 and a half weeks now. I followed no-contact to the tee. I sent my initial email this morning. He asked to catch up that night. He didn’t call until 9:30pm. I kept the conversation to purely social, but he randomly strayed into areas such as, “My mom really likes you.” I tried to end the conversation gracefully by saying he should go eat dinner and that I was really tired, but that I’d be interested in talking again. He seemed mad/annoyed at me then. I think he wanted to go into a deeper conversation. Should I contact him again saying that I have free time on such a day (would that be “too available”)? Do I wait for him to contact me? Would it be safe for him to proceed with deeper talks? I’m not ready to divulge all of my feelings, but he won’t do that again without my prompting him I don’t think…
Any advice would be much appreciated!
Thank you!
Hi, Ashley. First of all, I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice you have given me so far. Me and my girlfriend have been broken up for about 2 and a half months now. It’s been very tough for me, but im doing a little better now. At first, I was of course doing all the things I shouldnt of done after our break up. Begging for her back, sending her flowers, etc. She’s at college and I’m not so the break up was definitely a lot harder for me. We hung out for the first time about a month after our break up and it went pretty well. We’ve hung out a few times here and there since then. Some of the times went good and felt just like the old times when we were dating. And the other times just felt an awkward vibe between each other. We’ve had numerous talks about our relationship and she’s pretty much flat out told me that she doesnt feel how she used to feel about me. She doesnt get those butterflies she used to get when she would see me, anymore. Deep down inside, I know I want this girls heart back again. We were madly in love, and I ruined that with my insecurity. I recently just deleted her from my facebook because I have been getting jealous about all the guys that have been trying to talk to her. She texted me asking if i deleted her but I never responded. I was hoping from this, she’ll start to miss me and see that I’m moving on. I still do want her back though. So where do I go from here? I am very confused what to do, and if i she contact her and what to say, especially about why i deleted her from facebook. Please get back to me ASAP! I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks Ashley!
Hi,
I wanted to share my problem with you on the e-mail. Please contact me so I can tell you about what’s going on and what I did so far. I need your help.
Kind regards
hii..
well i just read many of your articles..and i found them very interesting..well im 14 and just had a break up with my boyfriend ..we were dating from tthe past 9 months..and i love him very much!can u plss just send me your email id…i need help..
Hello, my boyfriend and I broke up in october, we still acted like a couple until 2-3 weeks ago when i heard a rumor. I heard he was talking with another girl. So i gave him back all his belongings. I couldnt stay mad at him for long. Only for about 3 days. I didn’t contact him or anything. I gave in and decided to meet up to talk about everything. He said there wasnt anything going on and that he was heart broken when he saw all his stuff in his room. I cried in front of him and told him exactly how i felt. He kept on saying that he understands but he just isn’t ready and just wants me to wait. And i said i understand. he had admited of having a “rebound” girl but that theres nothing like me and him had. He kissed me and hugged me and then the next week was better. He texted me to meet up, he kissed me, and he would get bothered if i didn’t text back. I tried ignoring the rumors. He called me every night. After like 5 days we ended up in bed again, He was as sweet as can be. When in his room I saw all the notes I ever gave him and asked why he still has them. He would get tense and say “because i still read them” but every time i brought that subject up he would kind of change the subject. He also confessed that he still reads the note of when I asked him out and he gave me back the one year necklace i returned to him. I was very quiet after and he noticed, but i acted as if nothing was wrong. That night me and him were fine until my friend called and said they saw him with the “rebound girl”. So i just wished him good luck and didnt text him. The next day i messeged him a long message about stuff he had writen to me a while back. I ended up txting him saying “I love you” I called his bff just to talk but they didn’t pick up. They told him and he told me. So he was mad i contacted his bff because he thought i was trying to get him mad. I showed him i was weak again because i thought he should know. He just kept on saying that it hurts him also but right now isn’t the time and to just be friends because he doesn’t want to lead me on. So today he texted me and i did not answer. I saw him at church and was dry, he was the one trying to talk to me and asked to meet up and once again i ignored him. I don’t know what to do at this point. Btw we are both 17, we were together for a year. p
Hi Ashley;
Love your program and built my power house blog around it… don’t be surprised when I get first place ranking – ha ha …. Anyways, can you place a follow me on twitter buttom on your web site? Also, I am reached at @YoJayPerry on Twitter. Also – consider emailing me and let cross link? More juice for the both of us and we both benefit…. Thanks,,, Jay…. your biggest fan….
Dear Ashley,
My Boyfriend and I of two years broke up 3 months ago. Since then, I have been trying to keep low key towards him. Recently, he has been contacting me via facebook/text. Everything has been small talk. Tonight, talk and really hit it off. We talk about a lot of stuff, and made each other laugh. It even got a tad flirtatious. Should I have not flirted with him? Did I make a mistake talking to him so long? What if he is just interested in being intimate? I really care about him, and I really don’t want to mess up the possibility of reuniting for a second chance. Please help..